₦airaland Forum

BusterG:
I initially didn't want yo reply but from the little stories I have been hearing the majority of Nigerian men who towed this line are already regretting it.
Now im not saying all but from.my analysis maybe 90%.

The general structure in Nigerai as regards financial management, spousal dependency, monthly expenses etc is a man's perogative but its completely different when you take your spouse abroad. You are more like partners now so its easy for her to start earning even more than you and then one day the big question crosses her mind " DO I REALLY NEED THIS GUY HERE ANYMORE"?

In her mind, I work and earn my money so let me get rid of this fool and live large, buy anything I like, travel anywhere I want, Bleep whoever I feel like, send whoever I want money, build my own house back home, bring my parents/siblings over etc.

Then.she starts a scheme on how to get rid of the idiot most times through an indictment of his character. She gets the cops involved and quickly get him outta the house, and or get him sacked at his job and viola she's good to go. After this she'll ensure you pay child support with the guise of " don’t be a deadbeat father".

All the government institutions are offcourse in her favour so you'll be working hard and paying her to live her own sweet soft life. 😋

Woe betide you if you no guide from start and if you're not streetwise as a guy.

Hmmmm . You gonna learn.

Let's leave it here for now.

How many stories have you heard and how many Nigerian men have done that? Many have done it and many are doing it and most do not have regrets. Unfortunately, most times, it is the bad news that are shared on social media is why you think about it this way.

Hhh4444:
life is Very much easier without fake people.I don't need to read anything.people and time have taught me what no book can.

We all need people of value in our lives. Sometimes, it could be friends and sometimes, it might be random people and acquaintances you meet in the journey of life. One can go fast by one's self but to go far, one need not walk alone.

Why should anyone get married if they want a correspondence marriage? The most important thing is marrying a good wife. Many brought their spouses and they are happily married.

Hhh4444:
For some years now,I have stopped calling anyone my friend...The highest I can call anyone,no matter how close we are is acquaintance. Na una dey give people title when dem never earn. People are selfish and opportunistic,they only come around when there is something to benefit. Once benefit stops,they vanish. For years now,I have never met anyone worth calling my friend...I have very high standards now and you have to prove it before earning my friendship.

Is life really this hard? I guess you may need to read more on the value and power of relationships.

Konjiboii:
I have a childhood friend who I felt our bond was never going to end, we know each other dirty secrets , his parent knows my parent, we spent vigils at either of our houses playing contra and metal gear solid, our friendship started out in primary 3, he is a very top politician who is constantly on the news , a very successful businessman. When he got appointed he changed his SIM card and I feel he is not in control of his social media. Since he never open my messages. I am not doing too shabby in my own way but I know linking up with him will be life changing . When I tell people I know this man and how our childhood was they never believe me.

Have you tried booking an appointment to see him one on one?

It is well even in the well.

Ebenezer2021:
...

Why not give him some time or at the worst understand he is not obligated to share if he isn't comfortable? This act of yours isn't the best.

Neoteny:
It's not a culture in any organization in Nigeria that's indigenous.

Most often even the salary is treated as some kind of grant that you ought to be grateful for.

Nigerian employers, aided by inept and incompetent HRs, are usually feudal, sadistic, inhumane, borderline evil, parasitic, and disloyal.

So true. Some of the responses above suggested such. We as a people are very wick one towards another. No one forces anyone to run a business however, if you do, your laborers are entitled to their rewards.

How did you resolve the part of the bank not blocking your access again following your relocation?

Nnamdipapa:
We moved at once and still in the testing phase. I wanted the boys to finish high school in Nigeria, learn culture and familiarize with cousins before returning for college/Universities in Canada.

Its being a positive experience for me as I have noticed considerable change in my kids. My biggest concern is the new tax law and how it might affect my income from abroad.

Great. Please, can I send you a DM?

Nnamdipapa:
I relocated in August last year, I and my family are enjoying Nigeria and the biggest regrets is not relocating like four years ago. It has been a positive experience here in Lagos so far.

Great. Did you guys move at once or you moved first and brought them thereafter?

We seem to be blowing this topic beyond proportion. Do things because you want to as no one else's experience will be the same with yours.

budaatum:
I find it rather annoying that they unveil a policy and I can't find it anywhere.

I'd really like to see how they plan to achieve this "₦1,000 to $1.00".

CBN will back it up as it is currently doing. We sabi use better facade deceive our people or na the other way (people dey deceive themselves), it sha be one of them.

I wish him great success in this endeavor.

descarado:
Thank you so much. I was looking for this statement.

That is exactly what has happened in all those cases.

They will tell them that they would have been in an orphanage if not for them so they owe them.

They practically destroyed those kids with our naija mouth and expect good results. We do not spare our biological kids from our caustic mouths and do not think that what we say to kids have ways to who they become as adults.

Look around you, we have low self esteem adults.
Money is never enough, we keep on looking for more. The problem is that gap or hole which billions of money can never fill. And since we do not know what it is, we train our kids the same way we were trained and the circle continues.
People who fakes happiness and busy pursuing it through material things.

The government never talk or promote social care in Nigeria. That will solve 85% or more of our problems.

I decided not to elaborate because many might not be able to process it. The OP's position in my understanding shows how the average Nigerian react to such children believing the children owe them gratitude as though they were forced to be adopted. The only children I knew were adopted growing up was after we left High School (we did not go to same High School though) and the parents had to open up to them. Till tomorrow, if you are not told, you would never know because everyone sees them as a family member right from their grandparents to the least of cousins. I want to presume it was because the family was well exposed and they know there shouldn't be any difference between an adopted and a biological child since it is one's intention to adopt.

Racheal45:
Nairaland people are funny but real
I was having a plan to adopt a child with what you said I don change plans
Do they actually know if the mother is mad
That is very correct
Mad people children na orphanage dem mostly Dey end up waiting for adoption

This is the major challenge. Most of us adopt not because we love the children involved but because of our situation which lead to resentment sometimes.

Yorubastardz:
Even if he was pampered.
Isn't that more reason why he should thank her everyday for adopting and changing his life.

That is why each day I see more reason not to help people.

Remember when zlatan help one family and the same family almost lynch him in the streets.

It's better to mind your business.

You fit help accident victim go hospital
Na police go come arrest you and hold u responsible for the victim.

Like I said
I will never adopt another man child that has a totally different DNA behaviour and character from me

If my child wan misbehave
Atleast I know he got his behaviour and character from me or my wife DNA

That boy that was adopted
Do you know if his real mother is a mad woman.
When the boy grow up he will definitely show sign of madness from his mother. Blood is thicker than water

He might not be over pampered. Imagine a situation where he is reminded all the time he was adopted, how do you expect him to process such?

Nigerians and hypocrisy na siamese twins.

Hopefully, the review will be objective and the reforms that comes out of it, positive.

Can they also move around to close down the schools operating without proper accreditation?

Can they please clean up Lagos first? The state is filled with all manners of debris even on the meridians.

She has her fears which is understandable and the best you can do is to help her overcome them by showing her you are a better man. You care about your child and feel your woman's background isn't best for her to raise the child by herself. Provided she isn't disrespectful and you both love each other, you guys can make it work. It requires working hard with the right intentions from both parties and proper planning.
Lastly, can you draw a budget with her and see how well you both can stick to the budget? It really helps.

I wish them well. Still wondering what exactly she investigated though.

What did they say when he invaded Venezuela?

Kobojunkie:
Yet, a comment ago, or so, you were certain that it had to be the woman doing the leaving of her job to take care of matters that concerned the children? 🥱🥱

Apparently, you have issues with comprehension.

Caaz:
Gboski....the typical naija man always make the women the sacrificial lamb that is easily led to the abbatoir...

Lets astute the wife was already working,so she should pause her life for 2 years just to satisfy the husband request.
Children are emotionally also attached to their fathers and fathers also look at out for their Kids(my dad did it)
But you people solely making it seemed it's the mother's duty to always pause her life to take care of the kids is neuseating to be honest.
It looks one sided to me.

Anyways... How re you and the ekrus doing?
My regards to them sir.

Generally, I don't support anyone writing their job because of the children. I am a proponent of everyone living their lives and be happy. No one should deny any other of their happiness/joy. We all should make the best of the time we have together.

Kobojunkie:
Men are able to carry entire companies -- juggling the lives of sometimes thousands of employees -- on their backs but not able to bring themselves down like other men you pointed out have been able to, to emotionally and mentally bond with their own children? Do you hear yourself at all? 🥱🥱

Madam rest......

Thanks for the picture. I remember growing up, I wanted to have my own Eyo. I had my last name as what I will call my Iga but now, I have dropped the idea. I remember back then too, I used to aspire to be a big man who would have Wasiu praising him but now, I no get that kind power. I grew up to realize I am not as social as I thought I would be. Gatherings for me can be very tiring except there is a hiding spot for me to be by myself.

Caaz:
Thank you Kobojunkie... The woman is always the sacrificial lamb that bears the end result.

Even here, there are way more stay-at-home moms than stay-at-home dads. I think it is because of the emotional connection mothers have with the children and most times, mothers can juggle more things at a time than men. So, it isn't really sacrificial lamb, it is just looking out for the children. It should be based on their mutual decision and not one sided as the person who suggested it painted it.

Nahimm:
She still earns more than I do. She keeps saying she is spending her money and that I am not appreciative. She told her mother that I do not give her enough money, that I do not support her business financially, and that I do not buy things for our baby. I felt ashamed when her mother confronted me about it.
I have decided to handle things differently. I will be buying food items and getting things for our baby myself instead of giving her money. However, I have told her that if she leaves the house again, it will be the end of our relationship as a couple.
I refuse to put myself under financial pressure to meet expectations that are unfair. I work remotely, and she is also unhappy that I stay at home while she goes out to work.
I want to do a DNA test so I can know what steps to take next. That way, even if we separate, I will know whether I am legally responsible for paying child support.
At this point in my life, I need peace of mind and focus so I can build my future, not deal with constant distractions. If I had known things would turn out this way, I would have refused to get married or suggested that we delay it. That said, I would never deny my child.

Do you guys have a budget you go by? I would suggest you draw out one and agree on what percentage each party contributes. Whoever buys the food will not solve the problem if there are no accountability and transparency in the marriage. As for she moving out again in the future, your stance is very good provided there is no form of physical abuse going on.
Why did you wait if you ever had an iota of doubt on the child? Go do the DNA and give yourself the rest you desire knowing your truth. Lastly, what does the marriage law/act says about a child born within a marriage in Nigeria?

What is the essence of the recapitalization? Is this to strengthen them to support the real sector or just some free money for them to chase margin and shadow profits.

Don't the medical team count the number of items used at the end of the surgery? This negligence is baffling.