₦airaland Forum

@ harakiri
most women don't want to be used as baby-making factories anymore. In those days women were treated as mere properties. they weren't expected to enjoy sex. They had no right to make important decisions that concerned them. they couldn't divorce cos they were little more than slaves; they lacked basic rights.

since we're advocating for everyone to return 'home', how about nigerians living in other parts of the countries returning to their villages? afterall the non-yorubas living in lagos are working for the yorubas, just like nigerians abroad are working for whites. people have the right to decide where they want to live. i grew up in lagos and though i'm not yoruba it's home to me. i can't imagine living anywhere else in nigeria. home is where you feel at home. i'm from the niger delta region and have only been there a few times. i love my tribe and feel bad about the crisis even though i've never experienced what the residents experience. staying in lagos or elsewhere doesn't mean i'm denying my roots or i'm not patriotic. if home had to be your village, many NLers would be stuck in slums and would have limited opportunities. people migrate within and outside the country for basically the same reasons.

Some people are assuming that we all have the same experiences in nigeria, but it's not so. There's no place I'd rather live than Nigeria, but that's only because of my family. If my family moved elsewhere then that would be home to me. Aside from the weather there's little else about the country itself that I would miss if I spent the rest of my life elsewhere. Not everyone enjoys local soups, and communal living. some things people say are "nigerian", I never experienced till I got into university. We can't all have the same experiences. for many kids today, growing up in nigeria means going to shopping malls after school, going to the movies weekly and all those "western" stuff. Doesn't make them any less nigerian.

there's a whole lot of tribalism in nigeria,  and it's usually not as subtle as racism. discrimination is bad, but it's worse when it happens in your country. About working for whites, there are lots of ppl working in companies owned by whites in nigeria. As long as you get good money for your time & efforts, what does it matter?


Personally though, nigeria is where I'd love to settle. I believe it's the best place to live if you're rich. otherwise, life could be hell. If you have enough money you can get anything done, but that's why we have problems

I think healthcare is the worst place to be in nigeria salary-wise. My cousin graduated from medical school 3 years ago and is still earning 90k. Whereas all the other cousins of the same age group in other fields (even those that had 2.2) are earning much more. I'm in medical school myself, and many times I wish I had chosen some other course.

our society doesn't encourage altruism or dedication, and doctors have to work with inadequate resources, so it's understandable that we don't get top-level performance from them. Still, I think many of them have a lot to learn about doctor-patient relationships. I've witnessed several instances where doctors talk down to their patients.
one problem I've had is doctors treating patient's concerns and suggestions as trivial.

I visited my sister in the hospital recently and was surprised to see doctor & nurses coming in & out of the room, administering some medication or the other without offering any explanations. Odd thing is she didn't even ask. I asked the nurse and she mumbled something in yoruba and left. I asked the doctor later and he said she had pneumonia and they were giving her the necessary treatment, he was obviously offended that I asked. And this was in an expensive private hospital.

I can't understand why someone who is handling people's lives doesn't see the need to inform them every step of the way. I believe that why these doctors seem so much better when they go abroad is they have to comply with professional ethics, and they run the risk of being sued so they're quite conscientious.

i don't see what's the big deal with this question. we have lots of ibo guys and yoruba guys threads all the time. and the poster didn't say they don't kiss, he said his girlfriend didn't.

i know several girls who would do everything else but kiss, except they love the guy; can't say i understand the logic though. i guess it's really down to individual differences, cos most of the hausa muslim girls i know are pretty open and very much like other nigerians.

so how are you doomed?

i would be surprised if a guy tells me that, and i would have a serious discussion with him about open relationships and expectations etc. for the most part, nigerian guys can't even stand the thought of their girl having sex with someone else. if he's not trying to create an excuse for his cheating, maybe it's not such a big deal.

long distance relationships are kind of open already anyway, and someone almost always cheats (sexually or emotionally). if it's a long-term long distance relationship, then there's a possibility that the sex would become emotional and not just be a form of release. and at least one of them would develop strong feelings for their sex partner.

the poster was referring to family members, i don't see why anyone would expect sex in return for helping a relative. that's low!

as for girls asking for help from other guys, i don't like it. but the blame shouldn't be on girls alone cos guys encourage it. i've had several experiences of guys trying to force gifts on me. i remember a man i met when i was 18, he was in his 30s and married. he was staying in the same hotel as my mom and me during a journey. i told this guy i was not interested in a relationship and didn't give him a contact number, told him i didn't have a phone. the day before we left the hotel, the guy came to me with a new phone and SIM card. i refused to collect it and he tried several times during the day to force it on me. he kept coming to look for me and i was concerned that my mom would think we had something going on, so i eventually gave him my number. but i changed my SIM card when we returned home the next day.

i've had similar experiences with other guys too, but that one was really stupid because he didn't really know me. i think some guys feel better with themselves, or more masculine, when they give gifts to ladies.

tkb417:
see me see wahala oh

if u ask your wife to contribute to the running of the house, u people would shout

if u say she should sit back while u do everything, it becomes a problem

what exactly do you want Oyinda?

what do you want from your man

i don't think the issue is about the man paying all the bills or the woman contributing. the problem is the idea that a woman should be completely dependent on a man emotionally and spiritually (like he is God) also. being that dependent on another person can only lead to dissatisfaction. the desire for personal responsibility and independence from parents is a major aspect of growing up. it's a very flawed system we have, that implies that a woman should find her identity through her husband and children.

it seems guys have concluded that women who aren't married by 27 were playing around. what about those who dated one guy for up to 7 years, only to have the guy leave for another woman? besides, women in the past could marry in their teens cos they didn't need much training to be wives. nowadays women have to get educated and build careers also, and it takes more time for some than for others. funny thing is the guys talking now would probably insist that their daughters get masters' degrees before marriage.

on the other hand, why do guys assume that every girl who wants to get married is desperate? some guys ask you to marry them before you even agree to date them, then they act like they are offering you heaven. it seems many people marry cos of children or societal pressure. some others just think it's cool to be 'MRS' (like it's a prestigious degree).  

i don't really care what people think, so the pressure isn't a big deal for me. i think a marriage one enters for the sake of kids would feel useless once they fly the nest, so i can't imagine marrying a guy simply to beat menopause. honestly, i don't feel like i need a man to validate my womanhood. this is in no way putting men down, i simply don't allow my appreciation and perception of myself to be influenced by external factors. i would actually like to get married before i'm 27, but i don't believe in setting deadlines cos that could encourage desperation. it's so much more important to me that the relationship has a good foundation (love, trust, respect etc) than the age it happens at.

i don't find the prospect of being single disastrous. that's probably due to my personality; i enjoy solitude, very much. what i wouldn't be able to live with is living an unhappy life whether single or married.

i don't really think of accents as a criteria, but those strong tribal (esp. yoruba & ibo) accents put me off big time. i actually like the way [i]educated [/i]hausas speak. i'm not crazy about foreign accents, i'm fine with the normal nigerian accent. what's more important is that the guy speaks good english, and confidently too.

omo_to_dun:
It seems like lots of folks are confusing an accent with a diction. There is no such thing as a good accent or a bad accent. What matters most is whether the speaker is enunciating his words clearly so that his listeners can readily comprehend without demanding that he repeat himself or without demanding that he speak slowly. Bola Ige, Wole Soyinka, Barack Obama, Rowan Atkinson, Hugh Laurie, and so many people whom I ever heard speak all had varying accents, but their dictions were superb.

I strive to pronounce my words clearly while retaining my Nigerian accent because there is nothing more disastrous than an African trying to speak like an American, especially when we try the rhotic pronunciations, for instance: If I drink some worra, I should feel berra, else I'll go to the hospirru.

i find it sooo irritating, especially when they're talking to a fellow nigerian. i totally agree with you about speaking clearly vs changing your accent. what makes it hard for others to understand us for the most part, is our tendency to jumble up several words together. i find that taking time to pronounce words clearly works best.

do you mean very serious as in you're so into the guy and the relationship, or very serious as in you've been in the relationship for so long and everyone knows you two together?

i wouldn't even like another man better if i'm seriously in love. but if it happens, i would know that i'm not totally satisfied with my present guy for some reason. i would search my mind and think through it, and do what i think is best for me. even if it means breaking up.

i don't think that can work in nigeria, since the man is in many cases the sole breadwinner. that's why women need to be somewhat independent financially.

i wish my feet were shorter. but most of all, i wish my eyesight was perfect or at least good enough for me to not need correction. i feel so stuck to my glasses, but i'm wary about contacts after a bad experience 3 years ago (contacts tore in my eyes). boy, i HATE glasses!

for starters, i hardly ever cry and other people's (adult) tears tense me up. i'm not convinced by a man's tears, but i find them particularly disturbing. i dunno if it's because my dad's one of those tough, men-don't-cry guys, but i've never been able to watch a guy cry. once i see the tears forming in a guy's eyes, i turn away and find a reason to be as far away as i can be.

talknafree:
IT IS OBVIOUS YOU ARE LOOKING FOR SELF PITY HERE

You didnt give us the impression that he tried to dupe you before.
also dont try to paint the impression you are fighting to save the Nigerian image thingy. If you want to change a nation, CHANGE YOURSELF FIRST.

Well na your cross. don't just do things that will expose you to danger.

and by the way it was your e.mail address-roka---alabi@yahoo.com or some that i used to search SO DONT COME DENYING ANYTHING HERE

that's the occultic guy's email address, isn't it?


i'm all for religious freedom, but the question here is do these guys inform the 20 girls they sleep with annually that they are being used for some occultic ritual? so the main guy has never hidden his religion on NL, but what about in real life? we all know that occultic affiliations are kept secret in nigeria. this is something we see on tv but never really imagine that it could be happening in our vicinity.  i think we should be concerned about what effect this would have on the girls they sleep with. if there are really many nigerians in this cult, and if truly NL guys are signing up, then sooner or later a NLer or their family might fall prey.

lol @ 53,655. what's d 55 naira for? they should have just rounded it up to 54k. and it's such a miserly amount of money to go to court over, how much (if any) would be left after he pays legal fees.


@ topic,

no i can't.

did anyone actually go to the website? i'm still trying to figure out if it's some quasi-BDSM site, or if they're truly propagating spanking as a form of punishment. either way, i think it's crap! the only scriptural basis for discipline i saw was:

Hebrews 12:11 - Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby.

the guy writes that he regularly spanked his wife as far back as when they were dating, and her parents knew but never objected.


i think this is just an excuse for abuse, and a way to keep women subdued. i don't think this would bring about happier marriages, at least i can't be happy with this nonsense anyway. if some women like it, then it's good for them.

tollu:
Orikinla,
I'm assuming you spoke from your angle only (Male).
A whole lotta ladies do not wash their hands when they use the bathroom, frankly it's really disturbing.
U try your best to be all hygienic and someone who hasn't washed their hand touches the door, the faucet, the keyboard and all sorta places.
So I learnt to cope by getting a hand sanitizer, I handle all things in a bathroom with my fingers cocooned in tissue paper.

you're so right! many people treat this issue like it's minor but i find it particularly disturbing. i had this flatmate who was quite a good cook, but many times she would go to the toilet while cooking and return to the food without washing her hands. or throw stuff into the bin and not wash her hands even if her fingers touched the bin. worst thing was, she always seemed to touch whatever she was cooking with her hands. and i would just stand there watching, silently cringing. that was when i learnt to cook, and now i try to do all my cooking myself even though i have friends who would like to help.

i can't believe you guys are actually insinuating that girls would date a wealthy guy with horrible hygiene. you're joking, right? there are some things money can cover, but not washing hands puts me off big time (bad table manners too). even if i were so enticed to the money, i'd be so pissed at, and irritated with, the guy that he'd see through me anyway.

ewww! this is one reason why i really avoid shaking hands with people.

'cheap' isn't so much about how much the girl charges, but that she places a price on something that should be priceless. you'd be surprised how many of these "expensive" girls are sleeping with the poor guys they truly love, and even spending on them. think of it as doing a job you love so much you could even be a full-time volunteer, as opposed to doing a job you don't necessarily love simply for the financial benefits.

i don't think there's anything wrong in two men sharing a bed, as long as neither is gay there'll be nothing sexual about it. of course, they both have to be clothed.

ZIM DRILL:
READ CAREFULLY


i said nigerians they find heaven in zimbabwe i didnt say it is heaven

with negative you read you still come to zimbabwe it is means there is something interesting or better in whatever angle was used by those who choose zimbabwe over nigeria the homeland

just think why they choose zimbabwe over nigerian its self or why not somalia--- so i say those who come to zim they find it as heaven your are used to daily electricity cuts water etc  still you find it attractive, zimbabwean are running away from that

oh, i understood quite well. it'd be such a mockery to even insinuate that zimbabwe is heaven.

nigerians go everywhere, they're probably even in somalia. nigerians have a strong entrepreneural spirit and see business opportunities everywhere. so if you think that your country is better cos nigerians are  there, you need to stop deluding yourself. look around at all the foreigners living in zimbabwe, you really think their countries are worse?

i'm trying to avoid getting into a nigerian economy vs. zimbabwean economy argument with you. my point has been that the issue of nigerians beefing zimbabweans is null, as zimbabwe is just one of those countries we hardly think about. and that even when zimbabwe is in the news it's usually negative, so we tend to not make comparisons. whether or not you understand, and how you choose to interprete is your problem.

@ zimbabwean,

everyone knows the media doesn't give a true picture of anywhere, still they have a huge influence on our impressions of other countries. how else do you explain just about the rest of the world saying nigerians are corrupt even though it is obvious corruption exists everywhere, and that there are loads of honest nigerians.

IMO zimbabwe is worse off when it comes to international media coverage, but honestly the entire continent suffers from this also. so i'm not saying mugabe or inflation is all there is to zimbabwe. just that, if anyone had to search for heaven in africa they'd be better off going to SA than zimbabwe.

^^^^ very true!


@ OP,

you complain about how nigerian men are violent, possessive, have horrible & disgusting accents, and how your men are better. yet you're sticking with an insecure naija guy. i think you are obsessed with naija men, take zimbabwean's advice and get help. in the meantime, i suggest you date another group.

ZIM DRILL:
nigerians sometimes you make wonder

you think being found allover means your country is making it or you doing better than the locals, it is the opposite you are all running away from the over crowded poor run nigeria you find better heaven in other countries. zimbabweans are doing the same right now running away from zimbabwe

ask yourself why zimbabwean dont find heaven in nigeria the place is crap for our zimba standards but you nigerians you find heaven in zimbabwe of which us zimbabwean are now running away from everything has gone down daily cut of electricity, water, poor services , roads etc

as for the beef i dont think there is beef we are totally in different classes

compare yourselves with ghana guys, cameron i.e the west coast  not west coast and southern

wth, heaven and zimbabwe in the same sentence whatever,  

about nigerians being over there, i guess it's had the effect of putting us right in your faces. but like you said, there are very few zimbs in nigeria, so you can imagine that zimbabwe isn't even in our realm of thought. considering zimbabwe is only mentioned in the news for the most negative reasons, i doubt anyone in search of heaven would make a stop there, they'd go down to SA instead.

concerning the bolded part, however, i fully agree with you.



@ OP,

it seems both sides are agreed that there's no beef, so how/why did you think up such a comparison? have you had bad experiences with nigerian guys?

i think you're a tad insecure; but then, she's responsible for your insecurity cos she's basing her fidelity on the rich guys' self-restraint. you're uneasy about her being close to richer guys cos you feel you lack the financial clout to keep her if a competition ensues. but even if she were to break up these friendships, who's to say her male colleagues at work won't be wealthy too. i don't think there's anything wrong in a girl keeping male friends (rich or poor), as long as she doesn't flirt or allow them push boundaries. she should be able to reassure you of her love, and her ability to withstand, and deal with, unwanted advances from the richer guys. she's being delusional if she truly believes that none of her male friends would ever make advances at her. but if a girl really loves a guy and is [b]satisfied [/b]with him, she would find other guys' advances very irritating.

lol @ 'naijimbo', is that supposed to be a person with naija and zimbabwean blood?



i've never heard of or seen a black zimbo aside from bba and d likes. never even heard of the term "zimbo" before this bba. maybe there's a beef between naija guys there and the locals, cos in nigeria i doubt that ppl actually reckon with zimbabwe. we never really hear anything about there except mugabe, inflation and poverty. the beef i think is with Ghanian guys, there's usually a lot of comparison between them and naija guys. and to a lesser extent, with SA.

tpia@:
it seems there's really a beef sha.

going by the bba contest.



btw, what is naijimbos.

is that a term used to refer to nigerians in south africa or zimbabwe?

i don't think d bba beef had anything to do with their country, we'd have beefed anyone from any other country just as easily. if anything it was the zimbo guy that had a problem with nigeria "cos it's too far away",

even if it was really a test, it was a stupid one for a guy she'd just met. if she really loved you, she would have shown it before you guys fell out. i think you did the right thing, she's very likely not worth your while. pls don't buy a car for any girl who demands it as compensation (or whatever she calls it) for dating you. love peddling should not be encouraged.

the ex-girlfriend could have been better at time management, there are many successful women that are married with kids. there's no way a woman can work 6 days/week and be expected to be responsible for every household chore, and it's understandable that every now and then she'll need to take a day off.

still i don't see how you can compare the lifestyle of a banker working 6 days/week with that of a hawker. they've got such different schedules, the hawker is self-employed and can afford to rearrange her 'career' to fit your needs. the one similarity i see is in where their priorities lie. the banker is successful independently of you, but dependent on her banking job and that's her priority. the hawker is uneducated and wholly dependent on you, and you're her priority.


btw, you weren't even married to the lady and you were expecting her to do everything for you.

i'm also disappointed in Kevin, he was such a let-down. how on earth did he think he won last year without nigerians? i don't buy the argument that he might have been rooting for his fiancée's countryman. as the only naija bba winner, he would have been the right person to spearhead the campaign for Uti. he's just one of those people who don't want anyone else to succeed along with them. what he is missing is that his success wasn't his making, but the public's. Now that Uti has won i hope he buries his head in shame. he has certainly lost the respect of some fans. I really pray Uti doesn't show this kind of disrespect and contempt to his fans ever.