₦airaland Forum

he doesn't even have to tell me cos i don't expect him to be responsible for me.  i think it's normal and responsible for a guy to place his family's needs higher than his girlfriend's.


@ poster,

my understanding of your boyfriend's statement is that he can't be fully responsible for you. if that's so, it's odd that he should say so since you never ask him for money.

it seems you specifically seek out romantic interests who can help push you up the economic ladder. first one paid ur fees; next one helped you graduate; third one got you a job. it's hard to choose any of those girls cos you don't sound like you have feelings for them (especially 2 and 3) apart from indebtedness. the first woman's shortcoming (illiteracy) is the easier to handle than physical disability and bad attitude. besides, the other two might never have given you a second glance if the first one hadn't paid the fees that got you into the university. plus, she gave out of love not abundance like the other two. so i guess she would be the best choice, though i must say i feel sorry for her (or whoever you choose) cos you'll probably meet richer and more influential women , who'll do you bigger favours.

if there's a washing machine, no problem. otherwise it's very unlikely that i would (except when he is sick or so), not because i think it's disgusting but because handwashing is my worst chore ever. so if i had to handwash all my clothes, i wouldn't want to help anyone wash even the tiniest piece of clothing.

the main issue here IMO is the guy ordering his girlfriend to do his personal chores weekly. that's one thing i can't stand, i hate it when guys act like their girls' kind acts are obligations. i feel it's very demeaning and ungrateful. for something like washing clothes (undies in particular), he shouldn't even ask me nicely cos it's not something i enjoy doing ever, even for myself. i would rather offer my help than have a guy solicit for it in such a situation.

Mardi Gras:
Boateng is a bigger fool for deliberately missing the shootouts
useless coward

i also think he should have taken a penalty. maybe he hasn't gotten over his FA cup final miss yet.

ajadudu:
Guys wait o, did you guys notice Mensah could not read a simple speech at the start of the game? How dem give the guy that kind mental assignment nah! It just messed up his rhythm for the rest of the game, hence the back pass of a penalty. Whitey had this planned, give the negro some mental activity at the start of the game to throw him off!  

 i noticed! he really struggled through that short speech, couldn't even pronounce racism. i doubt if he can even remember to feel embarrassed about that now.

Tuyis:
Sometimes God rewards people who doesn't deserve it. when I know why, I would have known the secret behind the universe.

When both sides were praying before the penalty shootout i was wondering whose would be effective. i guess God answered Ghana's initial prayers and after they blew their chance away he turned to Uruguay.

omg! i feel so bad, this hurts much more than Nigeria's exit. i was so sure that Ghana would win. and they came so close, then gave it away. what a pity.

i also thought the ball had crossed the goal line until the referee gave suarez the red card. it would be such a shame if replays eventually show that it was a goal. maybe the coach shouldn't even have brought Adiyah on for Muntari, at least he would have been better at the penalty. and Kevin Boateng would have been a better choice than both Mensah and Adiyah too.  but it was Gyan that lost the match, he had no business missing that penalty. that was a one in a million chance, he must be the unhappiest person this night. he got Ghana into the QFinals and prevented them from going into the Semis.

@ poster,

going after your roomie's bf isn't a very good idea cos it might just backfire. since she has told him your history he may not fall for your advances. and even if he does you would only be confirming her allegations to him, thereby reducing the probability of him wanting a relationship with you. it would be very embarrassing for you if after sleeping with him he goes back to his gf. that's quite likely since he thinks she's a good girl, whereas he'll think of you as a betrayer in addition to all the other negative things he has heard about you.

even if you only plan on sleeping with him for revenge and not to start a relationship with him, it's not so good. sleeping with him just once would confirm the allegations you feel so bad about, and make rubbish of all efforts you've put into changing. surely, one night with J can't be worth it. your roomie is living the life you already put behind, don't stoop to her level. i know you feel bad that she betrayed your trust, but hold on to your resolve to change and be faithful in future relationships. there are certainly people who aren't persuaded by the rumours, and even those who are now would eventually realize that you are a changed person. if, and when, you meet a good MAN, you'll be glad you changed.

and as for your roomie, her cheating would eventually come to light, and who knows, perhaps J would then see the difference between you two and come after you. that would be a good payback for her.

Madukaele:
^^^trying to avoid d truth, a woman isnt complete without a man, stop deceiving urself. a man isnt also complete without a woman. if u hv wasted your youth age dont go pretending marriage isnt of any use cos no man came for u.

FYI, i'm 23, in the prime of my youth, and i hope to get married in a few years time. i never said marriage is of no use (or anything to that effect), but then i guess you didn't even read/understand my post. iice was right!

it's so ridiculous how many NL men insinuate that men/marriage give women legitimacy. i wonder if that's what nigerian guys really think. i know there are some women who think that way, but obvioulsy a large number of us don't.

'MRS' is not an achievement, marriage is not a do-or-die affair. it's better to be happily single than be unhappily married. single women can, and do, live happy and fulfilling lives, full of ambitions and plans (including marriage). some plans might fall through, but that shouldn't stop a woman from hoping, planning and living.

Acidosis:
Tell them now before it gets too late. Find true love now that you're young and stop playing games! 'cos no man is ready to marry a shaft, out-dated, rejected, denounced, accursed, excommunicated, archaic, degraded and unpalatable woman

so just because a woman is unmarried at a certain age she is damned?
i  could NEVER ever think of myself in that light, even if i was 40, had prostituted away my youth and no man would give me a second glance. life is worth so much more than marriage.

Carolece,

though i've not experienced this sort of betrayal, i agree with others who say you should try to forgive for your own good. i think you have the right to be angry and bitter, but bitterness is really toxic. i watched a very close family member struggle with bitterness and unforgiveness for many years until it just about destroyed everything in his life (marriage, career, relationship with his children and siblings). the worst part, as travelista said, is bitterness destroys only the bitter person, while person the person responsible lives a normal life. so please, for your own sake, try to forgive your sister. i know it's hard, but God can help you get to the point where you don't feel bitter anymore.

concerning your hatred of men, do not let the mistakes of your father, uncle and the other men in your life deprive you of a future loving relationship. by hating men you make it impossible for a man to prove to you that there are still good men left, meanwhile the men who made you feel that way are free to be in loving relationships. even if you do manage to recognize and accept a good man, all these bitter feelings and negative ideas would eat away at the relationship. these things can become so deeply ingrained into you that even if you want to be open, loving and trusting with a good guy, you find yourself doing otherwise. you need to realize that there are good and bad men, and you get to make your choice. i understand how easy it is to despise men when from a very young age you see them in such negative lights. it might help if you focus instead on the fact that the wives of those men made wrong choices and they and their kids paid for it. and that you can learn from their experiences and avoid making the same mistakes.

i would know enough is enough the moment a guy tries to beat me or displays any form of violence targeted at me.

A-40:
Just pray you don't fall in love with the wrong one! A lot of girls that are screaming they would never stand for such on here would settle for much worse in the real world if they are totally into the guy

chika98:
^^^ They are in love. . . like totally

i know young girls who have been beaten several times by their boyfriends, yet they keep returning to these guys. they seem to be unable to leave the guys, even when they leave they always forgive and resume the relationships eventually. it's so sad to see a girl go through the same abusive pattern with the same guy year after year. i tend to be very critical of these kind of relationships, and my friends usually say it's because i've never really been in love. that they all felt like they would break up with any guy who did this or that until they met the special guy. it scares the hell out of me because i never want to be in such a situation where i can't think straight or control my actions, where i lose my self-preservation instincts just to be with someone whose love i'm already questioning.

if i'm in a very close relationship with a person, i would rather ask for something i really want than risk not getting it.  before i buy gifts for my siblings and parents i always ask what they want. i don't ask other people however, and i've bought on many occassions on very nice gifts that end up not being suitable for the recipient.

that element of surprise thing doesn't really work on me cos i don't portray excitement well. besides, i'm usually more excited over something i'm anticipating than over something i have.

i agree that we don't respect other people's privacy enough. i've seen people post information (sometimes sensitive info like death in the family, academic failure or relationship breakup) about other people on facebook a number of times. i know some people feel the need to announce their every move on FB, but they don't have to breach someone else's privacy to do that.

i can cope with the phone and email intruders, some things that really upset me are when people visit me unannounced, or come with friends who i don't know (without informing me), or when a visit stretches into days. there are some people who enjoy living very open lives and it's difficult for them to understand the need others have for privacy.

i like guys who can express AND CONTROL their emotions, guys who are tough when they have to be, but are sweet and sensitive towards me.

iice:
[color=#9900ff]I'm kinda like you when it comes to the independence and being opinionated.  But i don't attract the emotionally constipated ones (I wouldn't mind ).  I get the emotional wrecks.  [/color]

vivaladiva:
i tend to attract guys who r seriously emotionally constipated and i think my personality doesnt help much
they mis interprete my independence and being opinionated as a high propensity to want to dominate a man if given the chance, the fact that i have dated mostly nigerian men doesnt help much

i've had experiences with both extremes, probably due to my personality also. i'm generally soft and agreeable, however, i'm not big on expressing emotions; it's hard to even cry in the presence of other people (i hardly ever cry anyway). i'm independent and can be quite opinionated.  the emotional wrecks are really annoying, as i feel irritated and uncomfortable when they get too gushy and touchy-feely. the other ones usually can't understand how one can be soft and firm at the same time. and since i'm agreeable most of the time and tough only when the need arises, they believe my toughness is either a result of bad influence or a front i put up when i'm most vulnerable. either way they become authoritative and insistent, then i feel like they're trying to break my resolve and i lose interest.

i get mood swings when i'm stressed or when i go a while without having time alone. i also have to try not to be rude and i'm usually successful at it, but that makes me miserable. something that helps me in that situation is listening to music at high volumes while playing games or browsing.


i don't see it as me being a pain though, considering that it's me who is in pain from trying to be nice and polite. plus, i always try to respect other people's personal space and if they wouldn't invade mine then i wouldn't have to shut them out.

i'd be uncomfortable with the fact that a 53 year old man has never been married and has no kids, seems rather strange for a nigerian man. i guess if the woman loves him the age difference is not really a big deal. like deoz said, an older guy is likely to be more understanding and patient.

my PC and my shelf of books

someone who is in-between. i'm not much of a conversationalist, and i usually need the other person to keep a conversation going. usually it's the talkative ones who can draw out another person's outgoing side. with quiet people conversation is usually stilted and we end up passing time in silence. i normally find silence comforting, but it's quite awkward when you're not alone. however, there's only so long as i can be around a talkative before i start feeling like i'm going crazy.

manc*chic:
yes im white.
but hes not prepared to accept this other child his has with the women,
just the son,
so god nos how he will handle tht as his son grows up,
i dont think i could go bk with him, i couldent take him being within 100 feet of her

that's what he's saying now, when she's all grown up he'll be singing a different tune.

chaircover:
Never say never and it wouldn't suprise me if the guy is legally married and still in regular contact with the mothher of the first child in nigeria

my thoughts exactly. these guys can be quite ruthless in their hustle for citizenship. 4 kids!


@ poster,

your situation is really unfortunate considering that you have two children. you really have to look beyond them right now, cos this guy would almost certainly leave you at some point. he might say he prefers you and all that, but it's very possible that he & his family might choose the other lady over you. she has the only son out of 5 kids, that might not be a big deal to you but it is to many nigerian families. worse still, there could be a woman in nigeria (probably living with his family) who has been accepted as the 'real' wife. right now, you shouldn't make any decision based on anything he and his family are saying. no matter how much the family might like you, they prefer him. as for the guy, for 4 years he said he'd changed and he loved you yet he maintained a relationship with this woman. what makes you think he can leave her now? how can you know if he has really changed, since you didn't suspect a thing until the other woman confronted you.

i don't think kneeling down really signifies respect, so i don't see why i should kneel down for my partner. doesn't mean i'll love, honour or respect him any less.

~Sauron~:
I think you are a rare breed.
Keep it up!

thanks, it's not so rare though.

e-resource:
@ GL - I look forward to meeting more girls like you (THIS IS NOT A PASS).

thanks

e-resource:
I would like to ask every lady and gentleman who read the post to please leave a vote on what they think:

Nigerian Girls Are So Independent - YES or NO.

Please your vote should be either "YES" or "NO" and please leave your intimacy(i.e male or female only please).

YES, Female

stuffs4me:
na today? that's what they all say, read your post again my dear and you'll discover how unreal you sound,

@poster
try and meet GL @ your own peril. SHE'S SO UNREAL. it's girls like these that are worse and give other girls a bad name
there's nothing wrong in doing things 4ur lady every now and then, its part of the r/ship thing and it should be reciprocated. buying for instance a greeting card for your girl doesnt mean she cant afford one for herself, but its the feeling behind it that should count

just in case you had problems understanding the part of my post you quoted, all i said was that i don't beg and i try to be content with what i have. if you really find that unreal, too bad.

He should be:

God-fearing, respectful, faithful, dependable, trusting (not jealous), cool tempered, generous

good-looking, outgoing, have a sense of humour, a little romantic

MRbrownJAY:
GL the catch is that: if a man WILLINGLY spends the money then so be it but if its a "requirement" for dating then thats where i think that some people have lost their mind.
of course, guys should buy gifts to their partner, if the said partner deserves it and only for that reason.
in my book, such "money hungry" women are like children, if there is no discipline then you will never be at peace!

the gals who dont ask for money but yet label themselves or act as high maintenance is all the same thing.
i love high maintenance women as long as they take care of their own maintenance bill. lol!

but when guys are willingly spending money to get girls' attention, it's bound to become a requirement sooner or later. then you shouldn't blame girls if they pay more attention to the guy who spends the most.

the girl should never have moved into the guy's house, it's very likely that he pressurized her into doing so. i can't really blame her though, it's love. love has a blinding and intoxicating effect on girls; reasonable girls can make really foolish and irrational decisions in the name of love. sometimes their thought processes are so skewed you can't even reason with them. so when you factor in men's sweet-tongue and persuasiveness, you have a recipe for disaster.

Onchedu:
They were cohabiting. What did she expect? It's not like he promised her marriage. The things girls do with the hope of marriage amuse me.

na wa, so marriage has become like a gift to nigerian women now.

tpia.:
so, in the five years of cohabiting, was she on birth control? or aborting the pregnancies?

this is the thing that bugs me the most, girls not using birth control and having to go through several abortions.

on a first date i expect him to pay (afterall he invited me), although i would offer to pay my part of the bill.

e-resource:
@ Woke4all - The topic is as it's meant to be, no mistakes. The body just says that Nigerian girls aren't at all.
@ Onchedu - Please note in the body of the topic that I'm well aware that not all girls are dependent. I've met girls who are very independent, and I'm very proud to say I consider them my friend. And I suppose you grew up in a well-off family which means you have friends that come from well-off family(This is just a presumption).
If that is true or not, then you should know that the Nigerian wealth category system is a pyramid. With the richest at the pin end top and the poorest at the flat-based bottom. Now if you fall in the category of the average and below Nigeria, you'd definitely relate with what I'm saying. That category is where I grew up, and I and tell you pretty much that it is hard to come across girls who are independent. If anyone has a different opinion about the categories of girls in the average and below Nigerian class, let me know.

i'm from an average family and i'm pretty independent. i never ask guys for money or recharge cards or all those petty things, i don't expect a guy to provide for me and my friends, i won't even go to a restaurant with a guy without money and if i would only order what i can afford to pay for. i hate it when guys say nigerian girls are too dependent because they are the ones enabling these girls. guys who have a reputation of wooing girls with money attract hordes of over-dependent girls.

googles:
these days sef chics dey ask dem fellow chics for T- fare

@ ekerere,
if you don't mind my asking, about how much is this transport fare?

i think for some guys spending on girls is a status thing. i know girls who don't ask their boyfriends for money, but these guys still try to go after the 'expensive' girls. guys seem to enjoy chasing after girls who expect several suitors to buy them the latest phones, fancy lingerie, clothes etc, sometimes i don't blame girls for behaving this way, cos guys always find a way to spend their money on girls. it's as if that's the whole idea of earning money, so even if the girlfriend doesn't ask they'll spend it on other girls.

@ topic,
depends, if it's about money some single ladies do ask for too much. but if it's about attitude, i'd say ladies don't ask enough. i know no man/woman is perfect, but there are some disturbing attitudes you see in guys nowadays. young guys who already have the impression that women exist to please them, guys who already have the master mentality before marriage, guys who specifically look for breadwinning wives who would double as servants. if a lady decides that issues such as lack of respect and laziness are deal breakers, i don't think that's asking too much.

instead of being intimidated by her achievements, be inspired and do something about your situation. she loves you and wants to get married in 4-5 years, that's enough time to get a degree and a job.

TOPE2000!:
she is def a lesbian. How can she not feel anything when a guy is tryin to be romantic with her??

she won't feel anything (well, maybe disgust) if she's not attracted to the guy who is trying to be romantic. i think this girl hasn't really been attracted to a guy or hasn't fallen in love yet.

na2day?:
to all the girls that won't even think of dating a poor guy/security guard/driver, [b]there is nothing wrong with your decision, for u the financial aspect is big for u but please stop calling it love, that is what makes me sick! [/b]and whenever the rich/"well to do" guy decides to step out on u and cheat dont cry boo hoo, for one u are after the money and u are getting it, so your aim is not defected. to make noise later saying "how can he do this to me? after all i have done for him" is irritating to say the least and u need to shut up bcuz u didn't do anything for him than provide the $EX any other woman can ready provide and dont even get me started on emotional support please!

people fall in love with the rich guys too, you know. plus, poor guys also cheat. it's even more painful when you stand by a poor guy and he cheats on you, than when the one you met rich cheats on you. it's not as if i'm looking for a rich guy to come and rescue me from a wretched and poor life. saying i can't marry a poor man doesn't mean i'm looking for a wealthy man, i just need someone who can at least afford my lifestyle (which actually isn't expensive). my family would be disappointed if after doing their best to enable me make a substantial living independently from them, i end up with someone to whom my basic necessities are luxuries.


it would be childish to head into marriage without proper financial considerations, some people need a certain measure of financial stability to have a happy, working family. there's nothing wrong with that. some can raise kids on a salary of 50,000 naira, while others can't even survive alone on that amount. it's different strokes for different folks. we each have our expectations in life and there's no reason to choose between one's expectations and love, when one can have it both ways (at least to a certain degree).

i can't, not one in Nigeria or anywhere else. i might date a student who has a part-time driver job if i'm badly attracted to him or something, but i can't marry him till he can get a better job.

lizzybabe1:
Well I heard Mike Adenuga once worked as a Taxi Driver and Security Guard. With that information, let's ask again. Ladies, would you date or marry a Driver or Security Guard? Guess the answers might change now.

Mike Adenuga worked as a taxi driver and security guard part-time, while attending university in the United States. student jobs are generally the low-paying ones anyway, so dating Mike Adenuga then would have been dating a student who also worked as a driver and security guard. that's quite different. besides, for every one Mike Adenuga who hits it big, there'll be thousands of drivers and security guards who'll always remain in that position.

Orikinla:
So, a police officer is not a professional?
So a police man has no profession?

nigerians and our classification of professional and non-professional careers, funny.