₦airaland Forum

Million congrats to Nigerians!!!

atikubaba: Ramadan kareem to all muslims.Unfortunatelly,due to ill health I wont be able to fast this year(first time since I could tell my left from right).May ALLAH grant me healing and make me live long to witness more of the months and be able to fast in them.May ALLAH grant good health to us all.Ramadan kareem.

Inshallah... get well soon!

May this Ramadan bring us the utmost peace and prosperity... Ramadam Kareem!

Up Naija!

Congratulations to everyone of us! One Love!!!

I love this...

May this holy month come with peace, happiness & prosperity. Ramadan Mubarak!

[quote author=MOGUL.O]True confession!


Ok....I have seen this joke more than 18 times here... don't tell me you are JJC or are you?[/quote]

Kslib: **asks the op,"have you finished?" op answers: YES

#clears throat and says "oya RETURN the joke to the owner#

Its from friend's facebook o!

tobechi20: Wen u copy a joke, plz indicate..write d adress or owner.copywrite and pirate is bad

Easy guyz... I saw it PLAIN on FB and I thought I should share it as well.

‎A Man was on high speed, he got to an Army checkpoint without slowing down, so they told him to park his car and ordered him to carry 1000 blocks from one Side of the road to the other side.

After carrying 900 blocks, he noticed that their 'Oga' was his Primary School classmate, so he went to complain to him, The Oga was really angry with what his Boys told his Long time classmate was asked to do, So he asked him ''have you started carrying the blocks?, the man said ''I have carried 900 already, so the oga said" Please don't be angry, ''RETURN THEM''

Amala & Gbejiri + Ewedu = Amala & Abula - Ibadan.

lol....

ollykay: when u are still single at 40.

When your spouse call you 'fish tail bit'........

lol...

15. If you work in a company for 10 years, without promotion or raise in salary.

14. When you fail BOTH maths and english in WAEC.

13. If you slap a military man.

12. If your car spends more time at the mechanic than on the road.

11. If you are an ARSENAL fan.

10. When you are posted to maiduguri for NYSC.

9. When you are stuck in an elevator with a Boko Haram sucide bomber.

8. When you mistaken super glue for eye drops.

7. If a world class photographer takes a photo of you, edits it 20 times and you still look FUGLY
.
6. When you upchuck pounded yam and egusi in church during a 3 day fasting and prayer session.

5. You sign as a defender for an European club and your first task is to mark Lionel Messi.

4. When you beat up a military man's ONLY child.

3. When a rat eats ONLY your name out of all your original documents.

2. When your ONLY child, born after years of miscarraiges, joins the Nigerian Police force.

1. And the NumBAAH WAN sign to know forces are following you from yah villages is: You are a christian, and disguise yourself as muslim in the midst of Boko Haram, and your cell-phone goes off during muslim prayer time, with a “LET SAMBADI SAUT HALLELUYAH!!!” ringtone



Source: Friend's facebook.

By: ORI MARTINS

Thursday, May 31, 2012



It sounds like a fairly-tale . But it is not. It is a true life story. The people of Lagwa, a community in the Aboh Mbaise Local Government Area of Imo State, virtually live with monkeys or what is otherwise known as Scalter guenon. The monkeys are seen in the bushes, gardens, around the houses and within living environments.

According to Mathew Osuagwu, President General, Lagwa Development Union, nobody can accurately state the year the monkeys came to live with the people of the area. He said: ' I can tell you that we about the 15th generation of Lagwa community and this is taking it for granted that every generation lived for at least 100 years. In other words, our forefathers credited his name as Agwa and his wive, Agwawunma lived here about 1,600 years ago. Oral account has it that Agwa was an established and successful hunter.

On several occasions, when Agwa either went to hunt or farm, a particular wild animal that was later identified as monkey(enwe), jumping up and down in the bush fed his pregnant wife by providing her with all manners of fruits. The woman had gone to her nearby farm to uproot the weeds. It happened that the woman told her husband of all the necessary help she got from the monkeys. The man was humbled by the kindness showed to his wife by the monkeys and thereafter decreed that no member of the household should harm or kill the animal. This is why the people of this area do not kill or harm the monkeys you see jumping up and down around us''.

Probabably, Nze Iwu Njoku, aged 120 might be the oldest man in Lagwa. Though he hails from Umunokwu, until 2002 when it became an autonomous community, one of the villages in the Lagwa Autonomous Community. Umunokwu community still retains all the traditions, customs and cosmologies it inherited from Lagwa. He said: ' I can tell you that any monkey anywhere in the world today migrated from Lagwa.

The monkeys, you may not know, do have their traditions and customs. For instance, if a monkey dies, the first monkey that gets to know about it will make a sound that will alert others within that vicinity that one of them is dead. They will gather and then bury the monkey in a hole or dig a hole with their forearms. In fact, woe be tide anybody not well armed who nears where monkeys are performing rite of passage, they would not allow you to come close.'' Njoku noted that the monkeys equally have their own courts where they adjudicate justice.

According to him: ' Let me quickly tell you that monkeys also have their own courts where they settle disputes in their own ways. If anyone of them commits any offence, they would gather and rule over the case. Based on the gravity of the offence, they pronounce judgement. If it is a severe crime, the offender will be ostracised and it will not return to Lagwa community. This is why you see some monkeys in other places other than Lagwa. Also, if a new wife is born or new wife is married the monkeys will know just as they equally get to know when a Lagwa indigene is dead.''

Meanwhile, Christianity and modernity are going strongly against the Lagwa monkeys as most Christians and the educated do not seem to agree with the myths and legends surrounding the advent of the monkeys. Pastor Vitalis Abiakwu is of the Bible Missionary Society. He is of the view that the monkeys are mere animals created by God and should be seen as such. 'We are not against the monkeys. We appreciate them because they are created by God.

But the issue of telling us that anybody that kills the monkeys should be meant to appease the gods or perform rituals or sacrifices are neither here nor there. They are bush animals and should be treated as such.' the pastor said.

It was gathered that in those days, any Lagwa person who kills any of the monkeys will face the wrath of the gods and the community but not now as some people or groups who defied this traditional law got away with it when confronted by the community.




Source: http://odili.net/news/source/2012/may/31/501.html

May God give her parents the fortitude to bear the loss, RIP!

Wishing everyone  a peaceful and more fulfilling year 2012. Cheers!

atasteve:
There shall not be wars in Nigeria by God's grace.

Ameeen o! Afterall, they are yet to ascertain whether they are Gaddafi’s fighters or Nigerians coming from Libya. May God have mercy on us!

You have my vote, and I pray he wins

With the beginning of another Holy Month of Ramadan, it is another opportunity to appreciate the grace of Almighty Allah upon mankind. May the grace of continue to abound on our lives and may our fasting attract heavenly reward. Happy Ramadan to everyone.

Atlast, God intervene! Congrat my people.

One spelling mistake can destroy life!

A husband wrote a message to his wife on his official trip and forgot to add 'e' at the end of a word,

"I am having such a wonderful time!
Wish you were her, !"

RIP Mrs. Oshiomole  

How many of us know this classic Yoruba poem - ISÉ NI ÒÒGÙN ÌSÉ? It simply means “Work is the antidote for poverty”. For some of us who recognize it, this was a poem we all learned by heart in Primary School even though we never really appreciated its depth. This was recently translated by one Prof. Quansy Salako for teaching some Yoruba children in the Diaspora. The poem, in my opinion, should be one of the driving forces as we journey through life.

Let’s all read and pass down to our children and the generations to come.

Enjoy it!

ISÉ NI ÒÒGÙN ÌSÉ              =   Work is the antidote for poverty

MÚRA SÍ ISÉ RE ÒRÉÈ MI    =   Work hard, my friend

ISÉ NI A FI Í DI ENI GIGA   =   Work is used to elevate one in respect and importance (Aspiring to higher height is fully dependent on hard work)

BÍ A KÒ BÁ RÉNI FÈYÌN TÌ, BÍ ÒLE LÀ Á RÍ  =   If we do not have anyone to lean on, we appear indolent

BÍ A KO RÉNI GBÉKÈLÉ       =  If we do not have anyone to trust (we can depend on)

À A TERA MÓ ISÉ ENI          =  We simply work harder

ÌYÁ RE LÈ LÓWÓ LÓWÓ      =  Your mother may be wealthy

BÀBÁ SÌ LÈ LÉSIN LÉÈKÀN   =  Your father may have a ranch full of horses

BÍ O BÁ GBÓJÚ LÉ WON       =  If you depend on their riches alone

O TÉ TÁN NI MO SO FÚN O   =  You may end up in disgrace, I tell you

OHUN TÍ A KÒ BA JÌYÀ FÚN   =  Whatever gain one does not work hard to earn

KÌ Í LÈ TÓJÓ                         =  Usually does not last

OHUN TÍ A BÁ FARA SISÉ FÚN =  Whatever gain one works hard to earn

NÍ Í PÉ LÓWÓ ENI                   =  Is the one that lasts in one's hands (while in ones possession)

APÁ LARÁ, ÌGÙNPÁ NÌYEKAN    =  The arm is a relative, the elbow is a sibling

BÍ AYÉ N FÉ O LÓNÌÍ               =   You may be loved by all today

BÍ O BÁ LÓWÓ LÓWÓ             =   It is when you have money

NI WON Á MÁA FÉ O LÓLA      =    That they will love you tomorrow

TÀBÍ TÍ O BÁ WÀ NÍ IPÒ ÀTÀTÀ =  Or when you are in a high position

AYÉ Á YÉ O SÍ TÈRÍN-TÈRÍN    =    All will honor you with cheers and smiles

JÉ KÍ O DI ENI N RÁÁGÓ         =    Wait till you become poor or are struggling to get by

KÍ O RÍ BÁYÉ TI Í SÍMÚ SÍ O    =   And you will see how all grimace at you as they pass you by

ÈKÓ SÌ TÚN N SONI Í DÒGÁ     =  Education also elevates one in position

MÚRA KÍ O KÓ O DÁRADÁRA     =  Work hard to acquire good education

BÍ O SÌ RÍ ÒPÒ ÈNÌYÀN            =   And if you see a lot of people

TÍ WÓN N FI ÈKÓ SE ÈRÍN RÍN =   Making education a laughing stock

DÁKUN MÁ SE FARA WÉ WON   =   Please do not emulate or keep their company

ÌYÀ N BÒ FÓMO TÍ KÒ GBÓN     =   Suffering is lying in wait for an unserious kid

EKÚN N BE FÓMO TÓ N SÁ KIRI =   Sorrow is in the reserve for a truant kid

MÁ FÒWÚRÒ SERÉ, ÒRÉÈ MI     =   Do not play with your early years, my friend

MÚRA SÍSÉ, OJÓ N LO               =   Work harder, time and tide wait for no one.

KDK:
Gud joke, but I am sorry to inform u, it is stale,inshort so stale dat even me wey i be newbie for here know say it is stale,

Thanks.

[quote author=A_K_O link=topic=543704.msg7064038#msg7064038 date=1288708300]okay bye[/quote]Take care.

KDK:
Gud joke, but I am sorry to inform u, it is stale,inshort so stale dat even me wey i be newbie for here know say it is stale,

Thanks.

[quote author=A_K_O link=topic=543704.msg7064038#msg7064038 date=1288708300]okay bye[/quote]Take care.

Rasulullah (Sallallahu alaihe wasallam) said: 'When a man dies and his relatives are busy in funeral, there stands an extremely handsome man by his head. When the dead body is shrouded, that man gets in between the shroud and the chest of the deceased.
When after the burial, the people return home, 2 angels, Munkar and Nakeer(names of two special Angels), come in the grave and try to separate this handsome man so that they may be able to interrogate the dead man in privacy about his faith. But the handsome man says, 'He is my companion, he is my friend. I will not  leave him alone in any case. If you are appointed for interrogation, do your job. I cannot leave him until I get him admitted into Paradise '.

Thereafter he turns to his dead companion and says, 'I am the Qur'an, which you used to read, sometimes in a loud voice and sometimes in a low voice. Do not worry. After the interrogation of Munkar and Naker, you will have no grief.'
When the interrogation is over, the handsome man arranges for him from Al-Mala'ul A'laa (the angels in Heaven) silk bedding filled with musk, 

Rasulullah (Sallallahu alaihe wasallam) said: 'On the Day of Judgement, before Allah, no other Intercessor will have a greater status than the Qur'an, neither a Prophet nor an angel.'

May Allah bestow this favour on all of us.

A man died & goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell for each country and decides he'll pick the least painful to spend his eternity.

He goes to the German hell & asks, "What do they do here?" He is told "first they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then, they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day. The man does not like the sound of that at all, so he moves on. He checks out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more. He discovers that they are all similar to the German hell.

Then he comes to the Nigerian hell and finds that there is a long queue of people waiting to get in, Amazed, he asks, "What do they do here?" He is told "first they put you in an electric chair for an hour, and then, they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. The Nigerian devil comes in & whips you for the rest of the day."

But that is exactly the same as all the other hells, why are there so many people waiting to get in?" asks the man,  A concerned fellow calls him aside and said, "Because there is never any electricity , so the electric chair doesn't work.
The nails were paid for, but were never supplied by the contractor, so the bed is comfortable to sleep on, And the Nigerian devil used to be a civil servant, so he comes in, signs his time sheet and goes back home for other business!!"

,  ,  IT PAYS TO BE A NIGERIAN

Big kudos to governor Fashola for this benevolence. This is what we expect of others of his likes. Atleast, the poor citizens have the dividend of sense of belonging, if at all a day relief.