₦airaland Forum

[quote author=Dobson43 post=88459722]There are rules of engagement in every relationship.
If you fail to adhere to these rules.
You are done for.
Op, I like to know how old you are.
I don't think your long term happiness matters to you.
What you permit now in a relationship, don't complain about later.
How can you descend this low to date a married woman, regardless of the circumstances?
The words on wall that you refused to read is going haunt you.
Your self worth stinks. Na woman wey don drop engine you see? You dey straddle a preggo, come here dey mouth love, your brain divorced your head? Or it that her bum bum is bigger than your destiny? Fact of your matter is that, she don use your destiny play papa ijebu
How can you allow such a woman control the dynamics of your relationship under the guise of am shy.
You Will understand that all women are not same.
She sees a weakling in you and the only thing left...
Thanks, my phone couldn't quote all of your words. I believe this will go a long way

Ade1bowale:
finish the story before I can advice you

Hian! You no get joy for me o. I started this story since yesterday noon o. I didn't stop to rest, you can check the time it was posted back to back. I didn't sleep also, you can confirm from the time too. I wrote down till this morning, maybe around 6am before i off. And i'm being sincere when i say off. It was just like they flipped a switch and i went off because i could still remember being very active(but my head was feeling light) typing away with my button phone. I off for like 30minutes or 1hour b4 regaining consciousness to finish the story. So that's it, i had to skip going into some details to summarize, but that doesn't mean i never concluded the story.
Chai! I'm learning to talk tooooo much this days. Anyway, if e get where you no understand make you let me know so i go put you through.... Na my button phone make me no finish on time.
Thanks...

Bugatie:
You admitted at sometimes that you were apologising for even the faults that wasnt yours.
What if that was the case with him too, and it beats common sense that the lady admitted to adultery hence, saying she's not sure who the father of the unborn child is and the husband was still willing to take the child.

I don't know all the stories but what you need to take your distance and allow them sort themselves out.

Thanks a lot. This will go a long way

Bugatie:
Okay I'm going to advice you like a brother,

Stop dwelling on the guilt of breaking her marriage, as it doesnt matter anymore else you'll continue to be drawn to her as a way of restitution and making up for what you shattered.
Obviously the lady is way mature than you in relationships and that's not so good with your stories.

Face your life, develop yourself and make a meaning out of it. And when it's time for relationship, you will definitely find someone your level and fall in love with.

All the best.

Thanks alot, this will help

Rocktation and farano please i would really appreciate it if this reaches to more people. The little insults and critics i'm receiving right now is already doing wonders to my body, realization is dawning on me slowly. Maybe all i needed was to talk to some people so they talk sense into me. It has been a secret relationship so i haven't had the gut to tell people around me...
Thanks.

Bugatie:
What's stopping you from walking away when the unborn child is not yours, and you've not done anything on her head...
It's likely she treated her former husband worse than she's giving you now, but you defended and provided her with emotional succour, while painting the man black.

Just move on with your young life as she is certainly going to sort out her issues with him.

You know i just realised something. I never heard his own side of the story. But then he wouldn't come begging all the time if he isn't entirely at fault

DanteSilva:
Nigga I've read your story and all I f can say is that this stuff won't end well...

It already ended but my feeling is the only thing i'm battling with right now. And guilt

[quote author=Dobson43 post=88459722]There are rules of engagement in every relationship.
If you fail to adhere to these rules.
You are done for.
Op, I like to know how old you are.
I don't think your long term happiness matters to you.
What you permit now in a relationship, don't complain about later.
How can you descend this low to date a married woman, regardless of the circumstances?
The words on wall that you refused to read is going haunt you.
Your self worth stinks. Na woman wey don drop engine you see? You dey straddle a preggo, come here dey mouth love, your brain divorced your head? Or it that her bum bum is bigger than your destiny? Fact of your matter is that, she don use your destiny play papa ijebu
How can you allow such a woman control the dynamics of your relationship under the guise of am shy. If she disvirgins you, so what? My dear go beep other _

I'm 24-25 thanks
You won't understand...
But what do you think about the marriage?.
Did i contribute in shattering it or it was alre

Bugatie:
This is obviously fiction.

OP is seriously insulting the sensibilities of men here.

Difficult to believe any young man can be fumbling like this.

I now know it is stupid but how to walk away is the problem. And please it's not a fiction. All this happened in not more than 10months ago. She is on her 9th month.

No mind me abeg. No be me create my heart, that's how mine works. What do you think?

So that's my story....
I need help seriously because even though i now know she might have never really liked me. Maybe she needed me to be a distraction from her husband and now that the husband has taken his bride price which makes her single again, she decided i'm no longer useful to her thereby her tactics to call it a quit.
I still like her even though i'm in a far away town from where she is now. I'm in Accra ghana. she is somewhere in the east nigeria. i've been here for the past 1month now and i'm still thinking about her. I'm sure if i go home now i'll still find myself begging again, please i want it to end like this. I've distracted myself with so many things yet i still think about her. I'm not sure if it's a jinx but then the feeling is still there strong. How do i get rid of it please? I've exhausted the ones online.
And i want to know if i contributed to their broken home cause sometimes i feel guity like i was the epicenter of it all...
Thanks in addy

"u can do whatever u wish to do with me but not getting rid of my friends" i heard her say inbetween sobs. I felt for her but held my peace in other not to sell myself out.
Luckily 4 both of us(the guy and me) i would be travelling the next day. I knew it could have resulted into a conflict between us if i had been around for just 1more day as i can't imagine not seeing her for just a day to know how she is doing when i'm around which i'll later come to regret if it had resulted into a conflict. He took his time to explain to mum how he has been suspecting me since i've been calling his wife while their were both in school. He said he heard me asking the wife when she would come home again. I also thought about d 'i love you' i always say 2 her each time i call her. Why didn't he hear?. The wife always refuse to let him take my calls each time i call which is unusual as she lets him take every other guys call but not mine. I felt my head swell when he was naratting this 2 mom. I'm a special 1,2 her afterall.

Note: a day before i travelled for some months i had a little misunderstanding with the husband.
As usual i went there to know how she was doing after being discharge from from the hospital. She now goes from home to school for her exams. I wasn't expecting to see the guy sha but i greeted casually and faced what brought me there(the wife). I was gisting with her in his presence, this got him really angry as no one seemed to notice him, though i do chip in small words to him at times. He called his wife outside and the mother to the girl and said he is not confortable seeing me around. Mum tried to explain to him how i'm an innocent fellow who meant no harm but only a friend to the girl. All plea fell on deaf ears. He called me out and i followed him outside. I met bae crying. I know he didn't hit her cause i've been watching from the glass window. She was crying because he was telling her that he dosen't want to see me around her again....

I was eating when her message came in that i have being deceving her all this while that i should go love myself. The food turned sour all a sudden.
She was just being unreasonable and she meant it...
Anyway, it was hard but i managed to get her back...
The last one1 was his sick cousin... She says i dosen't go frequent to visit him. It's not like i don't go to see him o but her problem is that i don't go more frequently to see him.
I just hissed when she told me this and brushed it aside as irrelivant. You can't believe she said it's over between us because of that which gat me wondering. She said i don't value her opinions.
I didn't get the chance to beg her that day because her friends came around. But i used every slightest oppotunity that comes my way to beg her but she seems to have made up her mind.

Out of anger i said "if you don't tell me what the problem with you is, then i won't have a choice but to hang up on you and i won't call again to confirm". You guys should all know by now that i never meant those words even in my angry state but i gotta take a shot. One thing must kill a man.
"your wish" came her reply. To say i was dissappointed was an understatement.
I hissed and ended the call hoping for she to call back...
I slet with phone in my hand. No calls , no text

She was getting on my nerves but i still decided to play it cool.
I asked her what the problem is and she said nothing that she is fine, she is fund of doing this but i wasn't in the game this time around so i pleaded with a calm voice for her to tell me what the problem is, so we resolve our issues but she maintained that nothing was wrong with her.
I knw she is behaving so because i escorted her sister to go and buy something. But we've talked about doing anything we like so long as cheating is not involved. She plays around with my fellow guys, though e dey pain me but i couldn't do anything as rules na rules. So why can't she do thesame?.
Anytime i tell her my mind about how she plays around with guys, she will go angry at me that i will have no choice than to go back and apologize to her.
If i go wrong i apologize. If she goes wrong i still apologize for the fear of losing her.
This went on for a while until i got fed up.
She didn't wan't to say anything and then i said out of anger....

We finally agreed to talk to anybody as we like.
The only female friend i have that i can discuss something with was the 1st child(the sister) in the family. The one that study's nursing and final year. She has graduated though and that's why she is around.
The sister gives me signs that i don't know the meaning but i do ignore them e.g she winks at me sometimes. Most times she stares deep into my eyes as if finding something there...
I find no interest in the sister and even if i did i knew i would have been loyal to my girl....
Let me just summarise everything abeg i want sleep.
She keeps swinging mood, until i couldn't take it anymore.
I offered to accompany the sister out as i was bored at home.
Note: my girl do visit some guys at home which i know of but don't complain. As a matter of fact i stopped complaining the day she threaghtened to quit if i don't thread on my path
Somehow she got to know i escorted her sister and was giving me cold attitude....
She was getting on my nerves but i still...

She failed woefully on that aspect. You can greet boys normal greetings o, but don't engage yourself in a deep conversation and i will quit talking to all girls including your sister. Sometimes i will be there and she will even forget that somebody exists. I need my woman back, what really changed within this short period?.
1st blunder i accosted her and she non-chalantly appologized just like she was doing me a favour but not after blabbing out her lungs that she didn't do anything wrong.
2nd blunder same thing.
The 3rd one she cut me serious warning "look o, i don't want any obstacle in my life again. I don't need someone that thinks he can order me around again. I don't need someone to control me, i want to live my life the way i want it and if you are not okay with it then let's call it a quit". I was shaken when i heard the 'quit'. Quit watin? I tell you say na game we dey play?. "but that wasn't what we discussed, remember you started this whole thing yourself". I found my voice. "fine...

In my presence she will call a guy she will later say is her friend or classmate and lower her voice while talking to the person. Lower as in bedroom voice o. I do listen to the conversations at times sha. No love talk but you will be surprised to know she called him for nothing other than to hear from him or know how he is doing.
Remember she didn't call me for once when i travelled. She will see my missed calls at times, (that is if she didn't ignore it on purpose) and refuse to call back or even flash so i can call her back(this happened when i travelled 4 some months).
And now she will call somebody(always guys) on the phone just to hear from him.
Note: since we started dating i've been the one calling her, if i complain that she dosen't reciprocate the way i do she will always say she dosen't have card...
So i gave her a simple condition that if i must not talk to any girl(including the sis) that she should also stop communicating with boys the way she use to except on casual greetings.....

I did little to convince her though as i was also battling with my own thoughts. Was this the reason for the mood swings when i travelled for some months? She's definately done with marriage?.... After much deliberatons from her. Then she said "whenever you are ready to settle down, i think you are the only one who will be able to convince me into marriage again". I nodded like an agama, a little bit satisfied with this one.
At this time she is already 6months gone with a potruding stomach, she dosen't look as curvy as she used to be but i cared less. She is still the one i love and it keeps growing for her until she stops watering the seed...
My dream woman changed completely overnight. She now finds fault in practically anything i do. She dosen't want me to communicate with any girl at all but she communicates with all the guys that come to the house.
I didn't even have any female friends aside her sisters and you can imagine she telling me not to gist with the sisters.....

But then guilty conscience wouldnt let us hug. We believe anybody that saw us hug have known our secrets... So we kept to ourselves.
She told me the husband called to accept the bride price back that he won't marry her again. He said he also lost interest in her. He said she dosen't show him respect anymore and he dosen't even know if the baby she is pregnant with belongs to him so therefore, "i'm not marrying again". Return my bride price whenever you have it.
Well, i didn't know whether to be happy or sad. I had mixed feelings. I feel for her for the way it finally ended. And then somehow i was happy we would live forever but was shocked when she said that she dosen't need marriage in her life again, that the one she has been into has shown her hell. She said she wants to focus on her children alone with no man to control her.... I tried a little to convince her that not all men behaves thesame way. One treats you ill today dosen't mean they won't be another to treat you well tomorrow.

I got back home after 3months of being away.
I went to her place after branching my house to drop my bag.
I only passed by my house, i didn't even stop to rest for a second. I missed her sooooo much

LOVE
so unfortunate she was the wrong woman for me.
Finally i saw her, she was sleeping when i got there. I went into her room to wake her up, i couldn't wait for her to wake up. She stired facing me sleepily. She didn't know who was standing before her until i called her name. She was startled to hear my voice like she wasn't expecting to see me at that moment at all. She stood up facing me. Gazing at me intently like i would get a hot slap at any moment. I was cautious until from nowhere she smiled. The smile was contagious as i joined in the smile too. .
She called my name, it was like a whisper. I answed in thesame tone, she asked when i came back and i told her "just now" as we walked to the parlour to sit.
All i ever wanted doing was to go hold her in a very tight way. but that wouldn't ever happen...

I noticed that anything that hurts her, hurts me really bad too.
I stayed with her in the hospital for 2days, the girls couldn't spend over the night there, maybe because i was around. The husband was calling from hometown sha. The nurses and doctor thinks i'm the husband. The mum came on the 3rd day to take her home, she wrote exams from home.
Immediatelly after this i travelled for 3months. While i was away she dosen't call except i call.
Anytime i talk about us she would say i shouldn't mention love to her that it irritates her. I love her so much i didn't want to lose her.
I asked what was my fate in all of this and she said when i come back i would know. My ever loving and caring princess is changing. What could be wrong? Is it the pregnancy? I heard pregnant women do have mood swings at times. It should be the pregnancy then. I used this to pacify myself....
I will perharps find out what the new character coming from my super woman originated from when i get home.

The next day i called to know how she was doing. She feels sick. I was worried, she was fine just before i left the previous day. The weakness in her voice troubled me. She's lonely, i told her to call some of her female friends first which she already did. I felt somehow jealous that she couldn't call me first b4 calling her friends, i discarded the thought immediately almost as it came. I was thinking about all she has been through all because of one man who dosen't value her and was about asking God question when her call came through.
she asked me to get a shuttle while coming or search for 2 bikes that would convey us(her friends too) to the clinic.
i said ok and resumed my thinking immediately the call ended. God what has she done to deserve all this surfferings? I didn't think for long before the gate of tears opened allowing it to rush out like a running pipe water...
This is the 3rd time i'll be weeping 4 a woman...
How little things can weak a man. What hurts her, hurts me too

LOVE
is a B.Thing

Plans 4 her to wait 4 me to get settled and then i come pay for her bride price....
So all my plans will be goin to the dustbin then. I felt like crying honestly but tears failed me.
"Are you certain that's the best choice for you?" i caught my self asking. "it is the best for the both of us" she replied.
I didn't say anything afterwards, i just stared at the ceiling as i was lying faceup on the soft bed thinking away my sorrow. Praying 4 the tears to come but i didn't think my prayers crossed the ceiling i was staring at ...
She broke the silence atlast. They was a movie she was yet to complete in my phone.
We watched together, i noticed she wasn't concentrating or she suddenly lost interest as it was a comic movie by bovi. I was about asking what the problem is be4 from nowhere and suddenly she locked lips with mine. Hmmm. This children.... You did it again.

Who told her i needed benefits? All i need is you biko. But i didn't say anything o, atleast not yet.
She also mentioned something like since she won't be divorcing with him(husband) again that it is better we go seperate ways so i can have the chance of finding for myself someone worth loving... Hmmm! "Who told her she wasn't worth loving this time again?" i thought. "the husband? Or me?, no never. I can never say such". But then she is right, since the relationship wouldn't take us anywhere again isn't it better we quit?. Easier said than done.
Note: she has been wanting to return the bride price to the family of the guy all this while even before we started dating but the mum wouldn't allow that as usual, like she is the one being battered. Anyway, what do i know? What an elder sees while squatting a child might never see that even if he climbs the toppest hills and mountains. Maybe we ain't seeing things the way she sees them.....
I had plans 4 my princess, plans of she waiting for me to get settled...

I've forgotten the tactics he used in making her forgive him again but the mother of the girl played a major role in it... This boy sef, he just knows how to manipulate people. He didn't even have to show his face again because his hometown was far. He just used phone to beg for forgiveness and he got what he wants. Tell me why he wouldn't repeat such again since it was that easy to forgive. I was somehow angry with the mother but i dare not involve myself in what dosen't concern me, or so she thought...
Now she is three months gone, she dosen't even think of anything 'ABOR' again talkmore of abortion as she knows the risks involved in it at the stage of her pregnancy.
I called to come know her lodge. She said no problem. She gave me directions to her place. I met her outside the gate waiting 4 me.
We went inside and then after sometime, like 2hours gone she broke the most heartbreaking news to me.
I've forgotten exactly how she placed her words sha but all in all she wants us to quit for my own benefits...

Neither could she take her bath to feel refreshed after a long day of receiving lectures. In my own house! Hmmm.
We didn't talk again till the next morning. They went back to their hometown since their business there has been finished.
She told me he came back almost 8 in the night.
She went to them, took the key from 'em' and was walking away when he held a grip on her. I've 4gotten what transpired between them but could remember she didn't say any provocative word to them, all she needed was the key.
He shoved her violently against the door and in the process got her injured in the arm. Just a little cut though. She slumped to the floor crying. He cared less...
She was telling me all this via voicenote and i noticed she was sobbing silently. I felt a pang in my heart, as usual, it hurts me just the way it hurts her or mine could be worst sef. I didn't know where the tears came from, it just kept flowing. My nose was running, i tried controlling it(tears) but the power to do so wasn't within my grasp.

We were chatting on whatsapp voicechat when i heard an unfamiliar female voice from the background. I asked where she was and she said in a neighbors room. Hian! "when did you start sharing rooms with neighbour?" i asked.
She explaind to me how she left for lectures in the morning and told the boys to give the key to the neighbor incase they were to go out. She came back later in the afternoon almost 4pm to find the door locked and they went out with the key which she instructed them to keep with the neighbour. She called him on phone and he told her he will soon be back. She said there was loud music in the background which simply means they were at a bar or something chilling out, i said ok and changed the topic.... 5pm, 5:30pm 6pm. I asked if they were back and she said no. Now is this not wickedness?
You locked your pregnant wife outside her own apartment o which u were priviledge to share with her.
Now no food, maybe her neighbour had water. She can't change her clothes to a more comfortable one.....

I told her to keep the baby then, gave her reasons. Guess she already made up her mind on what to do....
She hasn't done abortion b4 but have heard stories of abortion gone wrong so many times. She was scared to do it and at thesame time willing to do it. Thank God for her life cause she didn't do it. She was scared and contemplating until time flew by really fast. I had this gut she was going to die if she made any further attempt to remove it.
Note: the husband knows about the pregnancy, she told him the truth that it may not belong to him but he insisted that it was his and she must keep it.
Remember the husband was no longer in shool, after sometime he brought his younger bro to the school for screening or something like that. They were going to stay for less than a week. He was to share thesame room with my woman(his wife) and his younger bro as he no longer has an apartment in the school.
So there was this faithful afternoon towards 4pm. I was chatting with my woman via voicechat on whatsapp....

Wasn't i supposed to get angry? No i didn't flare up, i still maintained my cool. THINKING.
Wow! I was surprised at my own self, i know i'm a cool guy but didn't know i could be that cool, i thought i would be calling her names by now like most guys would do. Love Hmmm!
So if she didn't mention me as one of the persons who she suspects could be responsible then it confirms the rumour i heard beforehand to be true. She was truly pregnant be4 starting up something with me.
No lies, i felt hurt, i felt betrayed, i felt jealous. I felt everything at once but the love i felt overpowered them all. Jeez! I need deliverance. "let me be the father of the child" i found myself saying to her. She looked at me like i had poo on my face.
Long and short be say she give me reasons why i couldn't possibly be the father of the child. Guess my brain must have been sleeping when i said that though.
Even though i won't be the father, i couldn't still bring myself to advice someone to kill an innocent baby....

elmagnifico411:
Ok, so when u dey plan finish this write -up? People wey wan advice u don leave u go oh.. as it is, when the Igbo clear for your eyes, u go advise yourself. [color=#990000][/color]

No worry tomorrow dey. I no want rush the story come go forget any important info way i suppose add