₦airaland Forum

Gaggii:
I must confess, the only challenge in my marriage is sex, I was not a masturbator as a bachelor because I have girls around me, if one no come another go show, but as a married man have turned a chronic masturbator because my wife is always complaining that she is tired.

I would gotten a side chick, but I had a second thought because the consequence will affect my home financially.

Am just so fed up.

If you are married and in same shoe, how have you being coping

are you assisting her with kids and the chores at home?? Your wife can’t work full time job, cook, clean take care of kids and expect her to perform gymnastics in bed. Be a kind husband and ask her what u can do to ease the tiredness. If u like listen to those telling you to go and cheat. Na only you go dey there when kasala burst

nnamdibig:
You are the man dear marrying him as your wife.
sorry about that.

But one thing I will assure you is that if you don't leave this man, you will most likely die before your time.

she already got hypertension

MizJaY:
Sorry for the long message but this lockdown period might favour reading long msgs.

I'm the quiet type so I have never opened mouth to insult my husband during any misunderstanding. Just arguments and my voice may go up a bit trying to explain or clear myself but he will start saying im raising my voice and talking back at him and start saying all sorts of things.

Honestly sometimes I wished I could unleash the anger deep down and screammm but I always have self control. If u sit with him, he will give u a million reasons why I'm not a good wife and if u don't know me well, u will fall for it because he tells it so well. I will not say everything he says is false, but 80% is. Only those that really know me, will know he is d one that has problem. He's too difficult at times.

In an office, there's usually that one person that quarrels with everyone am I right? But I end up being d only person that dat person doesn't quarrel with cos I try as much as possible to avoid quarrels that's just d kind of person I am. Calm and quiet.

When I met my husband NYSC days, he was very close to God, organizing programs in church and handling them. That was the main reason I got close to him cos I wasnt so spiritual and needed someone to help me grow spiritually through life. He told me he was called to be a pastor and that excited me but I'm not seeing that now lol. He's spiritual life is almost zero. And back then, he had nothing, we would spend all my money even to reach his sick mother in the village I would buy all the foodstuff to send to her.

The way he talked he sounded promising that things will get better with him, but today, I still suffer, I have no savings, all my salary is on the house. He works too and earns but he's salary covers rent and the children's school fees finished. I do the rest but he doesn't appreciate the fact that I sacrifice everything I earn to feeding the house. We are family of 6. Everything provision, food, children school snack, fuel for car and gen, gas filing etc etc it's me. And that's how my whole salary will just go fiam.

if I ws getting a little appreciation I for no mind but rather I get insults o. It's my fault that
Money is finished, it's my fault that we have no savings, I don't know how to manage money, I'm hoarding my money etc etc those are d words that come out of his mouth o.

I used to be a beautiful woman but no more, I wear one shoe everyday to work, can't buy myself clothes shoes nothing I had to cut my hair to relieve myself from hair money lol. I'm stressed out thinking of where money will come for feeding when my salary gets finished before month end at times I have to beg my sister or my dad a pensioner or hussle one way or d other. I now developed high bp and today I'm living with hypertension taking drugs everyday. It was my parents that gave my husband d job he's doing today. He is not in talking terms with he's dad n siblings. Before he's mother died, things were not too good between them. My husband likes to always form man of d house and want me to apologise whenever there's a misunderstanding saying that I am d one wrong, I'm always wondering how am always the one wrong and he's not � every time.

Sometimes self I don't know what I did that mks him angry he will just start carrying face. Today makes it a week we are not talking cos he has been carrying face since 7days now, and went to post something on wassap yesterday that a woman that cannot apologise to her husband cannot stay in marriage.

My brothers and sisters if I know of anything I did that I have to apologise for yet I refused to apologise that is making him carry face, may God strike me. If u know I did anything wrong why not come to me and tell me u don't like what I did and tell me what i did rather than carry face up n down. He always does that. At times I do ask him and as usual am always d one at fault. Maybe it's cos I'm a quiet person he's taking me for mumu.

The national anthem now is that because he does not have money that's why I don't respect him the way I'm supposed to. I'm always careful with my word when gisting with him cos make I make mistake say Donald duke is d current governor of rivers state haaa problem don enter and it may spoil d sweet gisting we were having. He go almost insult me and become uninterested in gisting with me again cos i don talk mumu talk.

So how can I handle such man cos if no be say I be quiet person, I for don receive serious beating black and blue from this man cos he has done it earlier on in our marriage not serious beating sha but I had some bruises. If not that my parents are still alive and warned him. Tho he still attempts once in a blue moon I go jus arrange myself. But I'm kind of tired. I have no money cos trust me, if I had, Maybe i for don dey plan my move sef I no dey enjoy marriage life at all

your husband is an abusive man. The day he will beat you black blue or u lose one eye it might be too late. What example is your husband giving your sons or daughters?? You need to stand your ground o. Else you’ll keep being miserable. Life is too short to spend the most of it unhappy

Change your mindset and start seeing her as a housemate not friend. You can gist and talk like normal but don’t let her cross that boundary you have created. People like that can do and undo. Don’t get too personal with her. She’s just your housemate. She’s not your friend. That way you’ll have rest of mind

You don’t have sense at all. How do u know if a woman cheats, she becomes emotionally attached? Have u been a woman before?? Like women don’t cheat for financial or sexual gain. Or u think women that have sugar daddy with pot belly and wrinkles are in love with them?? Have sense abeg. Same way a guy cheat is same way a woman cheat.

Zenithphil8368:
Op is among those ladies that married their husband because other people are getting married not because she loves the man. If you love your husband and he misbehaved or you assumed he is cheating on you the first thing you will do if you truly love him is to confront him and find out why he is doing it. Although some men dont have any reason to cheat they just cheat without emotions. Men can cheat with a lady without having any strong emotional feelings for her but when a woman cheats on her husband be rest assured she is no longer in love with the husband. I wonder why some people marry for the wrong reason. if you know you dont truly love your intended spouse please do not commit because you will only ruined yourself eventually. Madam you may think you have not cheated on your husband but you have already do just that you have not been laid yet, you are sharing your emotions with somebody else. you are also cheating on your your husband wether you agree or not. My advice for you is that if you know you ever loved your husband please confront him and be sure then hear him out am sure if he also loves you and he is aware that you are aware he is cheating see his reaction and you will see how sorry he will be and probably desist from it because he may not want to loose his family. That is if the both of you ever loved each other enough

Instead of moving on to that your ex, why not channel your energy into getting independent. That’s the most important thing to do as an adult. You want to move from being fully dependent on your husband to being fully felon your ex. Focus on making enough money to take care of yourself then your mind would be clear on what direction you’re going to take. Don’t be distracted.

Zuchey91:
I need matured inputs please.

I am a married woman, with a child.

My Marriage has been really rocky. Quarrels every now and then.

What basically causes the problems is our differences, we just don’t understand each other, it wasn’t so visible during dating.

Although we did not date for long....but being married, it has been from one issue to the other, right from a week after our wedding.

I have always contemplated leaving, but I am yet to be fully independent.

Sometime this year, I found out he has been cheating (I was not surprised, but I was heart-broken) my discovery strengthened my resolve to leave the union.

In the process of nursing my heartbreak, I reconnected with an ex, we got talking and he helped my heal. I did not tell him what I was going through at the time...I was just enjoying the attention he was showing me.

I should state that I did not tell my husband about his cheating, I held all the emotions back, it was a very difficult period for me because I am usually the outspoken type.

My ex is not based in the country where me and my husband reside, we just communicate on phone, he says he misses me and would want us to meet when he is in town.

I should also state that my ex was married but divorced.

I would not deny my having feelings for my ex, and I also do not want to believe in a fairytale ending, I am just confused.

Hezzyluv:
Just buy fone for her when she start telling you she needs one or when you notice it. If not she go spread her legs buy fone for herself, then conceal it from you.

why will u pray for one. You dey fear karma for what u have done to other people’s daughters.

FORWARDEVERLY:
The earlier y'all modern feminism understand that REAL men are polygamous in nature.. the best for una..
If not.. na steady heartbreak for una just like op sister own..

women too are hypergamous in nature. There’s a high possibility for of your wife fucking a rich man behind your back. And there’s also a higher chance of a woman pinning another mans child on you. Small dna fraud, person die of stroke but u fit Bleep around

Until this your younger sister catches an untreatable STI. Why can’t u talk sense into the husband? He doesn’t love your sister and will keep disrespecting her because he knows she’s dependent on him. Tell your sis to get something doing so she can leave the useless man. He’s not worth it. Your sister can never regret leaving a man that doesn’t love her. If she stays in the marriage she can high blood pressure, depression, looking older than her age, becoming obese etc. what’s the point of marriage if your husband is still fucking anything fuckable?? They’re not married they’re just deceiving themselves. If your wife gives u a child that u didn’t father, you will stay with her and be smiling abi?? Leave her let her make her decision!

2ndtimeuncle:
Good morning fellow nairalanders, I hope your day is going well though mine didn't start so well. I am a nairalander but I have to open this account for this. I have an issue bothering me, I will try to keep my story as brief as possible.

I am a guy from a humble background. My parents had only two children, myself and my younger sister who is now married with two kids. She had her last baby boy some time early this month. Her marriage with this guy ( my brother inlaw) has been one I considered relatively peaceful. That is from my own perspective knowing that there's no marriage without one or two misunderstanding here or there at some point.

Well, she found out that her husband got another girl pregnant who gave birth to a baby girl. My sister found out after she gave birth to her first son. Her husband was the one that confessed to her that he has another child outside their marriage. They settled the issue and moved on he promised he would end the relationship he had with the baby mama.

Last year, during the Covid19 period, my sister found out that he was still seeing his baby mama after she saw their chats. She confronted him and he denied having anything to do with the baby mama except for sending money for his daughter's upkeep once in a while. It was a big issue which was brought to the attention the two families. They found a way to settle after a lot pleading and talking to the two of them.

To cut the long story short, she sent me screenshots that proves that he is still seeing the baby mama. In one of the screenshot he wants to see her in their normal place and the girl agreed but doesn't want them have sex on this particular occasion. My sister has bad temperament and it is not easy to calm her down when triggered. She's threatening to quit the marriage and I fear she may do something wrong this time around . She is yet to confront her husband because I managed to convince her to keep it on hold till she calms down.

Note : My Dad is late and my younger sister is a house wife hence solely dependent on her husband. Please ignore my grammatical errors. I am putting this out here because I have ran out of ideas.

OP your wife doesn’t hate you I’m 100% sure. She might just be frustrated and going through a lot. Let her know what she said to you really hurt you and you wouldn’t like her to say such again. You need to communicate whatever you don’t like to her, don’t just keep it inside. Since your wife is very expressive you need to open your mouth too and let her know how u feel. I feel it’s communication issue that’s the problem between u too. Please don’t keep malice.. she cares about you.

MikeAterezzi:
We only met about twice, but we were very little. Now that we had reunited I was a bit confused in distinguishing the line between sibling, friend, admirer or even mother figure
Mtchew I'm disgusted as well.

even if she was a friend. Is that how u do to your female friends? Who raised you? The person failed. Try it outside with someone that’s not your sibling, your life and career will definitely be over. You go about grabbing women breast while bathing? Animal

OP you deserve to die actually. You raped your little sister and probably injured her severely in the process now you want her to accept you in her life so you can finally kill her. You’re a selfish fellow and a peace of shit. All for your desire. I hope u never find a partner, I hope one day your sister has the liver to call you out. This goes for every rapist out there. Shane on your family for covering the case and bringing u back inside that home. Forget it, you can never amount to anything. Useless peace of shit. If u can’t handle your sexual urges what else can u handle in life. Leave that house !

How much

I have read all the comments here and a lot have been pretty hilarious. My relationship is not based on sex and it has never been. I brought this here because of the anonymity nairaland provides. And the fact that I would get really blunt advice. Nairalanders no dey show mercy. Thank you every one that contributed. I am not going against my parents cos I won't even have rest of mind if I go. I was convinced I was being selfish and not caring about his own feelings. But now that I brought it here, my eyes have opened. Sometimes we need to borrow peoples eyes to see what we can't see well. Thank u Im sitting at home and letting life take it's course. I have a small business I'm running, so 9 to 5 is not part of my plan at least for now. Just to clear the air, I'm not an idle person that is running up and down because of sex. I just wanted to be sure I wasn't being insensitive to his own feeling.

spiralwedge:
Mizflo,
Give her up for adoption. That's the right thing now.

It will be tough at first, but best you adjust and face your life squarely while she's in safe hands.

If you don't, you will suffer her for nothing and it will affect you getting the best out of the remaining years in your life.

Never be tired of this life, always make use of new opportunities even if it is not conventional or popular. In this case, your opportunity is to be able to make something out of your life while your daughter grows elsewhere to be an adult.

You will be fine, she will be fine too. Which state are you?


Modified:
I just read other people's comments above mine. Please ignore them. They sit comfortably typing without empathy and with the typical Nigerian mindset.

Adoption is very good, your daughter will have people she can look up to as parents/guardians. She needs that foundation at least till when she is 18. You are merely 21 and this is your chance to restart your life. If you don't take this chance, you will suddenly reach 40, depressed, broke, miserable and suicidal. Please take this chance, especially for your daughter to have a home.

what's the guarantee that the child won't go through series of abuse even worse than the mother. This is not USA that there are laws binding adoption. This is Nigeria .the child will most likely be used as a maid. She was even promised money for rent. It's more like they're trading the daughter. If she signs those papers, she won't have any rights whatsoever over the child. She can even be denied contact with her. U see what happened to u OP when someone else raised u. U see what happened. And she was
your aunt o. Life is gonna be hard but u have to pick yourself up and struggle. If it's to hawk, my dear hawk. I've met ppl that we're raised by single mothers and they told their stories of their struggles. But today, things are getting better.
OP if you want to break that chain, raise your child the right way, put her in school. Public school is there. When she comes back, let her assists u. Ask about her studies, tell her to read and encourage her. Because if that girl becomes successful, you'll be the first to reap from it. There are several menial jobs u can do. Struggle, it will be worth it in the end I promise u. Give that child the love and care u never had, train her well. You will surely reap the fruit of your labor.

mardis:
Good day nairalanders,
Please i want your views on this issue. My husband and i are from different tribes so we speak different language. Our communication language at home is English. We had our first child, so we all speak English to her, aside English she doesn't understand any language, she is 3+. So i decided that i will speak my language to our second child from infancy. In that way the elder one can pick up. The problem now is that, my husband is trying to go against it saying, the child will not be able to speak English fluently in future which i disagreed. All efforts to make him understand proved abortive. I even gave example of my niece in the village whose parent don't speak English also in the environment they only speak native language. This my niece can speak and read English fluently. She loves reading story books. I even told my husband to speak his dialect to the younger so the elder one and i can learn. He only does that once in a blue moon.

Note, the children in my compound communicate in English when they come out to play.


I will appreciate your input because i will share the link with him so he can see. He isn't a nairalander. Thanks

pls speak your language o. There's no way the child won't understand English when she starts going to school. In fact she can have even better English than the both of u. That's the mistake my parents made too. Now they're complaining we don't speak yoruba fluently as adults. I have classmates that never speak English at home right from when they were young. Now they're speaking perfect English. How did they learn it? Even if u like never speak English to your child, the child will a find a way to learn it especially in school

dingbang:
Please leave that man, he isnt understanding. A responsible man who knows that a lady is still living under her parents roof will not think of telling you to leave your parents house passing the night in another state.

during my service I did that a lot. Was kind of his only friend there

Hi I just needed to bring this here. I am 22 years of age and I am not happy at all. My boy friend and I are in a long distance relationship. Not long perse. He is in lagos while I'm in abeokuta. I served in lagos so that's how we met and we got to spend quality time together.

Now since I've passed out I've been at home. I passed out in June. So it's been June that we saw last and now we're in august. He has been disturbing me to come visit him as it has not been easy staying alone, loneliness and all. I promised to visit him next week which also happened to be my birthday week. I have super strict parents but I still promised I will find my way.

I told them (parents) that I was travelling to visit a friend (girl). I could not tell them it was my boyfriend I was going to see because I knew deep down they wouldn't allow me travel to another city to see a guy. But my parents have blatantly refused that I cannot visit this girl. I had to tell my bf that I was not going to come. He was so sad and angry and he let me know he has wasted a lot of money preparing to surprise me for my birthday. He was so excited to see me and he had made a lot of plans. He told me he was disappointed in me and he doesn't think he can continue a relationship like this. Yes he comes to abeokuta sometimes but he mostly lodges in the hotel. He told me he can't continue lodging in the hotel that if I love him I will make effort. I tried to convince my parents they did not gree. Imagine, I told them I wanted to see a gf that they knew and they refused. What if I had told them he was a guy.

Pls guys how do u advise me to save my relationship, I'm in a tight spot right now and really sad.