₦airaland Forum

You are wasting your time talking to Kobojunkie. He's the most pointless fellow on this forum.

Stop interacting with him. He talks just for talks. Trust me on this.

Here's my point of view.

You did the right thing noticing the shift in energy in your relationship. It shows your heart is in this marriage.

And having had a discussion about it 3 times readily shows you're trying to fix the problem.

Now here's something you should understand: marriage is a union between two people.

Therefore, only you cannot solve the issue. The other party must be a willing participant especially when it's a 'fault' from their own end.

Now from my own end what I want you to find out is if she's genuinely an introvert. Some people are introverted and get excited but after a while such excitement dies down.

So try checking her background and see if she has a lot of friends before you guys met. Do this investigations yourself.

Secondly, you're providing to the best of your ability. As long as you didn't promise her heaven on earth before the marriage, you do not own her that.

She's not 'managing' with you, if she wants more then let her take up the task of doing more.

You cannot be providing for yourself and your partner and be talking with the mindset of them managing you. I want you to walk out of that mindset. Lose that mentality totally.

Otherwise you'll set yourself up running an uphill battle, working your ass off to death for someone with nothin to show for it in the end.

After losing that mentality, give only what you can afford.

Thirdly, like I said, marriage takes two to work. If she's no longer a willing participant, you start shunning her as well.

You know people feel important more than they are when you overinflate their ego with attention?

Deflate that ego. Remove your attention. Not because you don't care but because you too are a human being and should be important enough for your wife to want to hang out with you and make you happy.

Most times as a man, you're constantly running around, working, providing, buying for your family with little wondering if these people see you at all.

Whether they appreciate you at all.

I want you do this. Remove your attention totally. Reduce the need to converse with her.

I'm not saying you should bone your face. No. Instead only speak to her when she speaks to you.

Half the money you give to her for food and use the other half to eat your own food outside most of the time.

Start keeping late night. Start starving her of that attention. Only come home when you're ready to sleep.

You're doing too much to please instead of being the center of attention and attraction in your household.

Chijeep:
Let me break down my own POV.
1. I'm a lonely guy. No friends, just me.
2. She's not based here(JJC) That means it only me n her.
3. We go out to shop, sit down, do business and just stay.
4. Go home rest, and press phone then sleep.
So if it continues like this won't I be forced to be going out for pleasure?

More like leading another 28,000 children to the slaughter house

For me I still regret sending N300 to one deeper girl like that.

I dey toast this babe, so one day she told me she doesn't have water to drink.

Let me help her with money to buy bag of water.

I been no even one send am the money o. But I just reason am say 300 na small stuff.

Naso I send the money give this girl o. 1 hr goes by, I heard nothin from her.

I just casually asked if she saw the money and she said yes that she has gotten the water.

Omo. I wan craze. So you no fit talk thank you?

Since then as long as I never sleep with any babe I no dey give her one kobo.

If all igbo guys gather tell you wetin nurses don do them eh

Sonofgod1990:
Back then when I was in secondary school. I squandered my oga business because of One babe like that. I was seriously in love dat time.. d girl is a nurse now based in united kingdom.. my oga really suffered for my hand because of that girl. And the worst part of it is that I never see the girl pan t till today . Na only kiss and bwes she allowed me see

I dey try to catch her attention but she just dey ghost me on Facebook

Agreed.

And most times it is because the women have no choice other than to depend on the man for survival.

If a richer man comes around and she's sure he'll marry her, she will leave her husband without a second thought.

Most resist the temptation because they are scared of the unknown (if the richer man will commit or not).

99% of the time if a poorer woman becomes richer, the first person she'll kick out of her life is her poor husband who catered to her when she had nothing.

So, it's never love but survival.

fxexperts:
You are right that lower / middle class marriages last longer than higher class marriages, but that has nothing to do with unconditional love, respect blablabla.. It is because the people do not have a choice, and they only have hope that one day they will become wealthy and enjoy. They chase something that they may never get, and they keep chasing until they die, and they never get to truly enjoy life to their fullest. But the rich have it all, they have all the things they wanted, and they have visited all the places they could ever dream of together, and they have nothing more that they hope to achieve together, and that is when they realize it's all vanity.
And the case of this lady we are talking about is very different from the rich vs. the middle class vs. the poor. For your information, a teacher in present-day Nigeria is not middle-class; a teacher is a very poor person, and I'm sure he cannot feed three times a day. The guy with the flashy car, I can qualify as middle-class. Maybe you hav not been faced with hunger before, if so then you will know what i am talking about.

Did you just try me in a court in your mind

Rapmoney:
The guilty will always feel uncomfortable when a post hits them.

Go and wash her pants abeg

Rapmoney:
You should not blame your warped way of reasoning on my post. It was never stated in the post that it is only a man who can spoil a woman.

This desire to build something with a lady will destroy a lot of men.

I won't say more than that.

This op na můmů talk just full him mouth

If I meet a woman close to 30, who has dated several people in the past, and she exhibits a high level of disrespect and a loss of value, it clearly shows that she has been dating men of poor character in the past. You must be of poor character to teach another person how to behave poorly, while still tolerating their poor character.

So in your eyes a woman is incapable of being bad on her own. She's incapable of doing anything wrong. It must be a man that spoilt her.

Very anyhow person talk naim you dey talk

No money should be too big for paternity test o.

Imagine training someone from primary school to tertiary. Feeding, clothing and loving

Then because of 400k you later start regretting. Ignorance is the worst punishment for any man married to a woman today

churro:
Funny. 400k is not big money nau, even for a family man that earns moderately well! Haba! 3 kids is just 1.2 million. For a man bent of knowing the paternity of his kids, this is no big deal. You'll get there! Amen.

That osho free gender will say anything to get you to give them money.

E go sound like love. Feel like love. Look like love.

But na naija girl. She just want free money

Niggăs wise up. No dey give them shishi. Two people are in love but na one dey pay

It's the era of nobody should touch my kids

Leave am make she dey talk.

Na who eyes never see go believe wetin woman dey talk online.

fxexperts:
As if if it gets to your turn you will not choose the man with flashy cars. As if you can even marry a teacher earning just N50K per month. Some of you can mislead other people astray ehnn...

Try am first na

Classical case of fault looping. If a pastor prays for you and you're not healed then you don't have faith. And how can you prove you had faith in the first place when you're not healed.

In anyway, the pastor and God are justified and you the seeker is always at fault.

Bro, marriage is fully physical. This is the wrong teaching we feed these sisters and then they wait and wait and wait with mentality that their husband will magically appear at a set time. It's wrong.

Muslims, unbelievers, our ancestors and every non Christian religions get married, some divorced and some go on for a lifetime. Just as Christian marriages.

So, tagging your God as the one to reveal your ideal partner for the everlasting marriage is not a tangible argument.

CaptainJune:
Shows you know nothing about marital unions that were made from God's direction. A lot of christians, including pastors, make the same mistake of choosing their partner without seeking God's opinion on the issue. When that marital union hits the rocks people like you assume that it broke down despite God's hand in it. You are WRONG.

I am not saying that any marriage that has God's hand in it is immune from the challenges marital unions face. They may face challenges, but the Lord, who has seen the end from the beginning, knows that they are the perfect pair to weather the storms of life without sinking or breaking apart. Marriage goes beyond verifying one's sexual compatibility with a person, goes beyond physical beauty, or material possessions. It is a covenant that should be honoured as long as one of them still breathes.


Yes, marriage is spiritual. Two people become one—in body and spirit. How is it not spiritual? The Word of God says that whoever sleeps with a prostitute has become one body with her...and whoever is joined to the Lord is one spirit with Him (1 Corinthians 6:16 and 17). Who do you think gives life to the embryo in the womb? Science? Your perception of marriage colours your expectations and your approach to it. This is what separates marital unions that are thriving from those that are barely surviving or on the brink of collapse.

When you sleep with a person, regardless of marriage, life will happen in the womb.

Conception has nothing to do with marriage. So it's not a spiritual connection that causes the baby to come alive.

It's the physical union of a sperm and egg. One from the father and the other from the mother.

Now concerning sleeping and connection, yes there's a bonding between two people when they sleep together.

Is it a spiritual bond? I cannot tell. The Bible calls it spiritual bond.

But here's the thing the Bible never said: that the bond between them is formed by God. Or that the bond requires special input from God.

Instead, the bond forms from the physical activity they are engaged in: sex.

Now let's look at it from different angles, when Jacob got married, was it "divine revelation" from God to him and Rachel or Leah?

There's none like that. There's no account of any spiritual "divine revelation" for choice of partner in the Bible.

Not from the parents of Jesus. Not from Abraham who even had to sleep with a slave to get his first son.

Marriage is in your hands to pick your spouse. What you can pray about is God to help you to pick the right person.

Many marriages are too successful especially amongst those we call unbelievers and sinners for you to come out and say only you have the right formula.

So all our ancestors in Africa? Was it your pastor choosing their wives for them?

It has gotten to the extent that these ladies now rely on their pastors to choose who to marry.

Can you imagine that?

Bro the number of divorce cases do not support your argument.

So all the divorced pastors were not led during their marriages?

You cannot know if you're sexually compatible with someone unless you've had sex with them or engaged in a thorough discussion about such which most ladies never do.

There's no iota of arguments in this your talk that points to anything tangible... The same thing that's happening in our churches today.

Empty yet deep sounding preaching that's short of practicality. You hear Rhema, revelations, etc. All deep but no single practicality.

Like I said earlier, marriage is fully physical not spiritual. It's two people coming together to start a family. Deep in Isreal the wedding was ceremonial done outside the temple filled with drinking of alcohol where they get drunk.

Same in Africa long before Christianity. There's nothing spiritual about it

CaptainJune:
You may know such a thing as being led by the Spirit of God. True Christians do not gamble on their compatibility with the opposite sex. They let God lead them to that person who is actually their heart's desire. That is what I meant by gold being compatible with gold, not bronze or aluminum.... You may declare yourself gold and I have no issue with that, but in this context it is highly debatable.

You see how you move the whole post towards sex?

This is what I'm talking about. Most of you can't even listen to the men talking to you because you constantly have "he wants sex from me" in your mind whenever a man talks to you.

And because of that you become rude to him.

How did our discussion become shifting of pants?

Kingson28:
You dislike and avoid them because they would'nt let you shift their pants. If you like go and marry Community Lactrine that all guys in a neighbourhood have poured their milk into her borehole.
Nothing compares to truly saved Church Girls.

sex does not make anyone impure.

Did God not command a prophet to marry a harlot in the Bible?

What I'm saying is as a girl, listen to the men coming for your hand. The distance between a man asking for your number and talking to you and getting you in bed is long enough for you to study and know his intentions.

Yes be pure but understand you also need to get married. Man no dey fall from sky.

Samantha125:
I don't get it, what's wrong with settling for a teacher over a man with big cars? Will those big cars bring her peace and happiness?

And did you expect her to settle for a man she wasn't in-love with because he was affluent with flashy and big cars?

de whine. We dey wiť u

Does this apply to this circle?

Gerrard59:
When I read these marriage topics on social media, the first question I ask myself is: Does this apply within your circle?

Op, Be very specific when discussing certain topics so you don't come across as ignorant or result in hasty generalisation.

In my circle, the churchy girls and the then runs girls don marry and born children.

CaptainJune:
A true believer is gold, and she will only go after gold—a true believer of the opposite gender, and she won't make any apologies about it.

this is the problem I was talking about.

These girls have been fed with this mentality that if they keep themselves or whatever, then they will get a good man or they will end up with a good man.

I am gold. Therefore I deserve gold. The world doesn't work like that.

And going with this mentality is why a lot of them cannot be married.

Any guy here who have talked to a churchy girl can easily relate to this. How they constantly want to control you, and prove that they are not cheap

You'll think that a good/churchy girl, especially the born again ones should have men chasing after them

Or getting married every weekend. But that's not always the case.

I used to have a good / very churchy cousin sister like that who was unmarried till around 35 years of age.

She's good but finding a husband was extremely difficult.

The one thing I noticed from good ladies is their rude behavior.

Hear me out first. A girl can be good in that she doesn't sleep around and try to be closer to God.

But these sets of ladies tends to be rude to men who comes around.

I don't know how they think relationships happen, whether they think a man will just come around, propose to them and get married.

Or whether God will just speak out of heaven and say, you and this man are destined husband and wife, so get married next week.

But somehow, these ladies fail to understand that relationship is built, it first start with a show of interest, a flirt or a simple lust.

Those things they feel is a "sin" are what starts relationship.

And so, when a man approaches a churchy lady, her immediate response is always the rude one.

She want to display her "goodness" or make it known she's "pure" and not worldly.

And this most times turn most men away from them.

It's one thing to be good but it's another thing to constantly want to prove it to people.

Trust me, a man knows a good lady when he sees one. Most men knows how to treat a good woman, you constantly saying "I'm not one of those cheap girls" and so on doesn't make any difference, it only pushes the man away.

You might be saying "the genuine man" or "intentional man" will continue to pursue or apply pressure, my dear they will not.

And this is why most of you miss good men and then later in a hurry settle for men you may not like.

I've seen too many girls dodging potential and even men of substance and later settled for people way less than them.

Take my cousin for instance, the one man who was once genuinely interested in her, came with a big car.

He was big but she was young, beautiful and all "in the lord". She once said to people "he thinks I'll like him because of his cars"

When she started midnight prayers for marriage with fasting aggressively eh. It was not funny o.

Every prayer at midnight was filled with husband requests, how did I know this? Because she prayed loudly and everyone in the compound can hear it.

Who did she later settled for? A teacher! Way older than her.

Imagine a man probably at 45 years, with almost nothing going on for him.

See I'm not here to castigate anyone or to put anyone down or to pressure anyone.

As a lady, understand that relationship is not magical. It's not 'godly'.

I have another girl from my school. Then she was the girl every medical student wanted.

Being a good girl pays. Being a foōlish good girl trying to constantly prove a point will lead you no where.

This is also why brothers in deeper life often find it difficult to marry within the church.

I remember in one of the service the older pastor keep speaking on why brothers often go outside to marry while the sisters are 'good' and beautiful.

It's simply because these girls have become 'un-talk-to-able'.

If he can waste 2 bullets for threatening, he's got a whole lot more in store.

This should be directed to our oga on top with infinity cap

These people will do anything for social media money. I hate that people take them seriously

Stephen0mozzy:
And lemme guess, your godmother also asked you to record it and post on social media, so you can use another person's death and mourning of the bereaved family to chase clout.

The shamelessness of some of these yeyebrities.

BioData45:
In Nigeria case, I too know is common among business owners. Instead of employing professionals, they would rather do all themselves.

this thing of one person doing everything is a big problem in Nigeria.

Nigerian businesses will rather not do it instead of employing or contracting someone to do it for them

He probably never thought he would die. Most people are never prepared for it.

She too could have had that conversation with him. But death is never a discussion in our society.

It's not a matter of wickedness or repayment. They most likely were never prepared or thought about it.

And luckily for the estranged wife, she was never separated. Most of our marriages today are divorced by "sending" the wife away.

This is the way of the old people but now that court is always in the picture, you could spend 5,6,7 or even 10 years "sending" the same woman away.

OneCandleAway:
The man is w.icked. he purposely did this to herllen because he is too educated to not know how to secure her future properly. I guess it's an indirect apology to his wife for leaving her for a hot side chic. I just hope she was able to amass her own private property, because them living in an hotel for years till he dies isn't a good look.

FashionCookie:
women wicked pass devil.
Who dey marry these people sef? 😠

fixed.

Seriously. Once they put pop, chandeliers and colour bulbs, suddenly it's "luxury" and you start hearing exorbitant prices.

And then you see the lapping dogs on social media saying "people that can afford it don't complain"

Like what justify a plate of rice for 22k? Is it special rice or special oil?

ZUBY77:
Nigerians realised it's all scam. There are places you can buy same type of rice or better ones at less than half that prize. It's food afterall.

it usually start with hype and bragging. You will see ladies with Opay account balance of ₦890, posting pictures of how they prefer eating at Hilda Bacci, just to attract men and make their fellow empty heads jealous.

If it's on social media everyone has a right to talk about it.

If not let her only show it to the "people that can afford it"

Stupîd classism

SyrusdeHansome:
Pple that can afford aren't complaining, so instead of wasting ur energy focus on eating ur 200 naira per plate food while those who can afford her restaurant continue to patronize her.

Na "brand" people dey buy abi food?

Una dey talk for this country o

Gbadugbakun:
She's selling her brand not the food.

The millions of south Africans supporting him thinks he's making sense.

In fact, some are proposing him as the future president of South Africa

baconline:
So dumb!!!!! He cant even do the calculations, anyone that actually thought this punk made any sense needs to check his brain, this is the dumbest thing I have heard in 2026