₦airaland Forum

vescucci: Lol. It's OK. It wasn't important

HBG. Your monicker sounds like something that can do 50 rounds per second. How are you?

M gOod thanks hope ur good too,wats a monicker?

[quote author=Mynd_44]Yeah you introduced them too fast. Let use guess a bit.

A little suspense never hurts[/quote]Noted...thanks again,goodnight

[quote author=Mynd_44]Personally, I think it is a great story. Nice story line but you sort of jumped into the story.

There is something I think they call character development. Like a little explanation of each character so the readers will get to familiarize themselves with the flow as introducing and putting them together like that will make it difficult to get where each character is coming from.

You tried to do it but you should do that more, it will help simplify your story, increase your content and even allow you bring more than one story into the book.

I will love to see this as a draft and it can be developed and improved but it is great.

That's just my opinion oo

let no one hang me yet[/quote]y would anyone hang u?I wanna fix it and ur input helped,I guess I focused on the main charectar way too much

[quote author=Mynd_44]Am I allowed to criticise?[/quote]yes yes pls

[quote author=Mynd_44]It was great[/quote]tanks

[quote author=Mynd_44]Great story I love it[/quote]Thanks mynd my problem is I don't want it to have some explicit scenes,but m glad u liked it tho

I don't know if ya'll will like it but please criticize me,Its hard doing this I need to know wat a reader thinks.I will be very greatful for ur inputs here is the link

https://www.nairaland.com/1039718/black-swan-south-africa#12071959

Guys how do I share a link here?I want to give ya'll an assignment tonight

The wedding day arrived and Ayoke made sure she outlooked every female and was sure she would be more beautiful than the bride.

"Ngoanyana you look just like your mother!only that she was lighter than you.Come here my girl."

Angela's mother was standing at the door,admiring this black beauty,the black swan of the family.She stepped in and embraced her niece.wiping tears from her eyes.

"Please don't cry aunty,you will ruin my makeup."

"Its not everyday that I get to see you like this child,you will be going home in january and only God knows when your father will send you down here again.Iam not well off as you can see and I will be going to Moria nextweek,let me enjoy this few days with you.Off you go,before it gets late Iam sure they are waiting for you."

"Bye aunty."

Tebogo was waiting for her at the gate and escorted her to the wedding.The girl was afraid of being seen by her cousin or her friends in public with Tebogo but she told herself its about time their relationship goes public.While they were walking hand in hand there was a honk behind them,that's when they realised that it was the bride and her maids,Angela was also in the car.She opened the window and sarcasticaly called Ayoke Mrs Dube,which is Tebogo's lastname,and added that she will buy the shoes,dress and earrings that Ayoke was wearing so that Tebogo will escort her to weddings too.The car sped by and the words of Angela left Ayoke weak and shaking she was sure she would have one of those headaches she gets when she is tense.Tebogo assured her Angela didn't mean what she said,she was just bluffing.

"But how could she say that infront of all those girls?I look like a man snatcher now,maybe I should go back home."

"No,I would suggest we go back to my place but I have things to attend to at church,you will be fine ok?."

"Thandie hates me,now angela does too and I don't know anyone there.I speak only english and Yoruba,how Iam I going to communicate with anyone?"

"Baby,you will be fine,call me if you don't fit in,I will come pick you up."
Cupping her cheeks in,and rubbing his palm on her soft black skin.She looked like a little girl lost in a foreign town,which was true only that she was not a little girl,she was a nineteen year old beautiful woman.

[quote author=Mynd_44]I just wanted to send him a message[/quote]mxm,u wish.Vescucci gets u running for cover[quote author=Mynd_44]never mind[/quote]ok

[quote author=Mynd_44]**picks up phone and calls Beync**[/quote]calling who?

Afternoon everyone,or day m not sure which is which as my aunt told me Nigeria is 4hours behind our time,so m still confused,don't get me wrong m a geography student but I couldn't argue with her.

Anyway @Cuddles could u pls do me a favour?

I can't find that thread about a book called "weep not child" written by Mthungu we thongo,hope I got his name correct.Would u be a darling and send a link to it?asauht

Thanks

[quote author=Obinoscopy]Na! I'm still admiring those I could find here. However, I'm thinking of writing one myself when I'm inspired enough.

Ok then,is it poetry only or?

Obinoscopy: No nightmare dearie, only angels. Just like urs

that's good to hear,have u written anything?On this section,ur poetry I mean

Obinoscopy: Good Morning HBG, hope you had a good night rest,today has been blessed by God himself.

I did thanks hope urs was the same?With no nightmares involved lol

Its a brand new day with all the opportunities.Blessed be the name of the Lord who is mercyful enough to let me see this day

Morning to everyone I didn't say hi to...

The kid is back as the exams r almost over.

CrazyMan: Sup dear...I guessed you were busy..saw your rules thread this morning.

Anyway the traffic in the NYSC section has reduced...all the corpers are in camp now, no more new threads for me to scan, so I should be less idle from thursday to sunday.

And you still refused to send me the message even after I posted my email here...

But never mind its ok.

Looking foward to weekend.

goodmorning

Obinoscopy: Thanks sigmundfreud, its a pleasure meeting you in person, I've always been a fan of Psychology

Morning[quote author=Mynd_44]Hello y'all[/quote]Morning Mynd

Cuddlemii: Sorry I wasn't much of a good host today. My apology goes to Firestar, HBG, Mynd, Sino, Crazyman, Sigmundfreud and the newbie, Obinoscopy

I will make it up to you guys on Thursday, Friday, Saturday & Sunday

We now have three mods in our midst, nice!!!!

Luv u all

I pray it will be lively then tc

sigmundfreud: Hello HBG...ow are u doin?
Hello guyz, ow are u all.
Wc obinoscopy...can see u are already 'magnifying' things with ur scope.
firestar...

hello long tym

Obinoscopy: Don't know But I'm guessing it means Lover of Poets. The words my trademark though. Oxford Dictionary will have to pay me before including it in their stuff

U should have ur own dictionary lol.That word was a first

Obinoscopy: Poet? Na. Poetophilian? Yea

wat is a poetphilian?

Hey sigmundfreud

firestar: ^{Where is everybody?!}

Edits her script....


Pour Mynd:

I may be usernamed,
But I am no northern Aurora...
Descend....
Descend from the heights!

...

Descendre de les cieux
Descendre a la terre...!

To Fauna...
To Flora.

I have to learn this ur foreign language by force[quote author=uj_sizzle]So HBG's the new prefect?[/quote]No...I just love cleaning after the big boss