₦airaland Forum

surebona:
Please I need assistance, how can I survive a heartbreak from a relationship of over 6yrs. She was basically my friend, sister and girlfriend. I am not in a good state of mind. All I need is help and hope that I will survive this. Please help me. Even if it's one reply that can help me I will be very grateful

Move on with your life

People should learn to mind their own business

Insult upon injury

So this dirty water will be entering their pussies

Bad belle woman

Why is this idiot fooling himself?

Kingsmeal:
Elections today on the Lagos Island was very peaceful they even roasted barbecue chicken in Abraham Adesanya.

The voters felt relaxed coupled with the VVIP treatment they got today before and during voting.

Watch the video HERE

This was not in Abraham Adesanya, it was in VGC!

Oga stop deceiving yourself

Should she be frowning?

This does not look like Oshodi-Apapa Expressway to me

These security details with pot belly don't look very fit

Who is that bufoon shouting that Nigerians have been turned into slaves in their own country?

Is tha company not owned by a Nigerian?

People love to come to social media and talk rubbish.

That toilet cost a lot more than 200K!

You can tell that Sowore is disgusted with this guy...he's just tolerating him for the sake of politics

stevesharon:
30k dollars is not a big money for a Chief Judge..

Really?

How much is his salary as a civil servant to start with?

If juju truly works then an African nation would have won the world cup by now

This Adamawa guy will have a very big fall on Saturday

phransix2:
This is true love... Probably tasted the cookie jar and got hooked...

True love my ass

Violence is a no no in relationships!

warriboy21:
cadilac

Oga this is not a Cadillac but a Rolls Royce

sanpipita:
BMC won't rest until Ballard sue their sorry asses

Who exactly would he sue?

Yes, there are still honest people but they are few and far in between

Africanness:
GOD bless u for this. This op's whole write up sounds more like someone dt does the bare minimum & expects to be applauded for the bare minimum. He even goes weeks and months without communication.

@iloputaife, childcare is a lot more dn what u think. It puts pressure even on husbands & wives. And it's a huge change for new mothers. Do u know how it feels for ur child to need or want sthn & u cant do it? Youve already caused a wound in dt womans heart, dont keep adding salt to it by talking to her harshly.

She couldnt handle the emotional pressure and dts why she had dt outburst the first time. You have now taken offense at this outburst and used it as a backdrop for all ur communication wt her. You need to be empathetic, put urself in her shoes and have a conversation based on love. For her as the mother of ur child, and for ur child. Talk plainly about both of ur past faults, tell her the reason u didnt marry her (be straightforward without judging or insulting her and let her accept ur reason for this) and u should both come up with a plan for ur future relationship. For the sake of ur daughter. You can both do this alone without outside involvement. Difficult conversations must be had.

What I wrote up there is merely what I consider a brief summary so as not to make the story unduly long...

I will have you know that I paid a significant portion of the medical expenses despite the fact that she knew of the medical condition she had but chose to hide it from me.

You certainly do not expert me to give you a rundown of all the moneys I spent on my daughter but if you must know I bore the costs of her diapers, naming ceremony, birthday parties, clothes, shoes etc.

Please do not make hasty assumptions and refrain from calling me names otherwise you would find out that this forum is not as anonymous as you think!

Lexusgs430:
Not all fathers are daddy's ...... You contributed 0 to her hospital bills, and you are claiming rights ? Be prepared for a long battle, which would involve lots of solicitors feeding large ........

You did not contribute school fees, but you provide biscuit and ribena ? Did you actually say this ? You also attended the christening and birthday celebrations ? Did you actually say this ?

When it gets to big expense, you seem to either want to run or have it your way ..... Your way or the highway ........

You are now claiming rights ?

You should be more sober and put your ego to one side ...... It's the child that is the important factor here ..............

I paid a significant part of the hospital bill if you must know.

I bought all the baby food and clothes the girl has been wearing from when she was born till she was about 3 years old

What I wrote up there is mainly a very short narrative so as not to make the story unnecessarily long

I'm well aware that the child is the most important factor that is the reason why I am threading very caefully

Apeshy101:
Insultive is not an English word.

---

Go get your kinsmen, they are in the best position to deliberate on this matter.

In most case, when you take legal action, you will still be referred to your kinsmen and hers.

Yeah I know "Insultive" is not an English word.

Its Nigerian English if you will

Born2Breed:
You mean you didn't contribute towards the hospital bill after the birth of your daughter?

Of course i did

It’s a long story but I will try to keep it brief.
About 6 years ago I dated a lady from Delta State from the Urhobo tribe. Along the line she got pregnant.
Although the relationship did not end in marriage I did not at any time deny responsibility for her pregnancy and I went with my mother to see her father when he requested a meeting

Due to a serious medical condition she had the pregnancy was a very difficult one but she eventually had a beautiful healthy baby girl. She spent a total of 32 days in the hospital and run up a bill of over N1 million which was eventually paid with some help from her family.
Due to her prolonged stay in hospital she was forced to resign from her job but she was lucky to get another job several months later.
After the baby was born she continued living with her parents cos I was still adamant I was not going to marry her however, I was seriously willing to give it serious reconsideration.

What made me suspend the decision to formalize our relationship was that I noticed that she was becoming unnecessarily rude and insultive to me.
I will give an instance, there was this one time she called me on a Wednesday while I was at the library preparing for a professional exam to tell me that the baby’s provisions had finished and that I should send some money and I said I wasn’t going to send any money cos I had previously sent money about 2 or 3 days before; the next thing she did was to start raining insults on me on the phone.
Later that weekend on Saturday I went to visit her and our baby at her parents house and after I had sat down in the living room her mother accosted me and said “I no like the way way you dey talk to my daughter” and just as I was getting ready to defend myself this lady flared up and started shouting “you’re crazy, You’re crazy, stupid man” etc.
I immediately stood up and made to take my leave and much to my surprise this lady followed me out of the house into the compound raining insults on me.

While all this was going on her mother was present but she did not make any effort to ask her to stop. I found this very intriguing and shocking at the same time cos I am from the eastern part of Nigeria, Anambra state and where I come from no woman will stand by and watch her daughter insult her husband or father of her child.
This happened about 6 months after our daughter was born and she was lying on the sofa in the living room when it happened.

I should emphasize here the lady in question is a well spoken and relatively well exposed graduate and not some lay about but it just so happens that for some reason pigin English is the lingua franca in most Niger Delta homes.
I stayed away for over 3 months after this incident happened but I was surprised when I eventually went back and her father did not bother to ask me why I stayed away for so long.

Things continued this way until our daughter was a little over 2 years old and was about to start school.
We had a discussion and agreed that she should start school in September of that year, however, I was surprised when all of a sudden my baby mama’s mother came out of the blues and said that our daughter should be enrolled to start school in April and I kicked against it since it was not the original plan and I was not ready to let her dictate to me how to run my affairs.
They enrolled her in April and paid the fees since I said I would stick with the original plan.

From then on our relationship soured further and I stopped visiting altogether but my mother who incidentally is quite fond of the lady continued to visit them until eventually she too stopped cos they made her feel unwelcome through subtle body language.
Please note that prior to the breakdown in our relationship I had always been involved in my daughter’s life, I went to the hospital the day she was born, I participated at her christening, then her first and second birthday parties.
One of my mother’s complaints was that whenever she visits they will be making comments in their language while she’s seated there with them.
Much later after our daughter started school I sent some money for the payment of my daughter’s school fees and my baby mama sent the money back to my account and as a result I just ignored and left her to her own devices.
Much later after I had stayed away for a while I decided to open an education fund account for our daughter and I was told to bring her passport photograph and a copy of her birth certificate.

I asked her mother to send me a copy of her birth certificate and she refused and as a result I could not open the account.
About 2 or 3 months after this incident when schools were on a long holiday she decided to take our daughter on holidays to the United Arab Emirates and part of the requirements was that the father must sign a Consent Form cos our daughter bears my surname; when she called and told me about it I agreed to sign it on the condition that she would give me a copy of our daughter’s birth certificate.
I went to their house, gave them a copy of the bio data page of my international passport and signed the forms on the assumption that I was dealing with someone with integrity.

After about 1 week she still had not sent me a copy of the birth certificate as agreed so I sent her a reminder on WhatsApp and she blocked my number immediately.
As a result of this I suspended all communication with her until I was about to leave Lagos for an engagement which lasted about 2 years.
Before I left I bought some cartons of biscuits and packs of Ribena fruits drinks which our daughter would take to school as refreshments.
When I got there her parents were very hostile and almost refused accepting the stuff but I left them in their compound after they had been offloaded from the car.

There are some other incidences which I have omitted for brevity.

Now the issues is that want to see my daughter but I have no desire to visit them at home.
I sent a text message to my baby mama to request to see my daughter in a public place of her choice and she ignored it.

I want to further pursue this matter legally but I want to know if there are further remedial actions I can take before I resort to this.

I am willing to explore other means first cos if I go the legal route then there is no turning back for me no matter the cost or inconvenience.

Once I start legal process on the matter I will not look back until we get to the logical conclusion of this matter.

I want people who are experienced in child custody cases to give me their opinion.

Please move this to front page:-

Flavour don chop belleful

GOFRONT:
How many rocks did they force Gandollar to carry on his head??

Go and ask them

Who will see Gold and choose copper?!

Its the G-Wagon of course!

The houses look long abandoned

SpearHead:
That's good, the more reason why you need a vibrate youth to take over Ebonyi State

The word is "Vibrant"