₦airaland Forum

Wemans and mens always be pampered

Aw i thought i was the only person that disliked pawpaw

why that look on ur face

@ogoro2u my nokia 3500c problem has been solved.

Welcome to the phone section's chat room. Here you are free to hook up with your friends and foes alike. you can drop in from work, school etc and chat with fellow nairalanders. ALL HAIL OUR MODERATOR DUAL CORE, hope this thread stays. 

@aciddrop, if u want my text messages mail me and ask for it! @all, that killer text is now ready.

kip it up phemour, i like the one about the man and his fix it wife.

How about chain wristwatches

Nairaland radio should be revamped, new hosts are needed. I volunteer my services in this regard.

Relax man, this is just a marketing strategy by etisalat, after all they are in this business to maximise profit, i guess we will always have dudes who cannot resist the lure of easy wealth, otherwise if we gsm subscribers collectively choose to ignore
these outrageous offers, the marketers will be forced to come out with better incentives. Leave Dora Akunyili out of this, she does not know a fib about the operations of the telecommunication industry in Nigeria. What is Ernest Ndukwe still doing at NCC? cant we have some younger and more dynamic person there?

Zain sure do need some stability.

The name 'zain' could not stick, lets go back to celtel.

I think it is time for nigerian investors to acquire the network

I love this dynamic network, go with the flow!

I'll check out the site. I'm also confused, maybe we have to  employ the services of an undercover agent to unravel who the mysterious caller was

Zain will never go down.

Thats great! What a wonderful world!

I always drink water after eating

Quick Business
A Fulani man had a quarell with an Ibo man and was slapped by the Ibo man.

He collected his stick (shepherd stick) to take vengeance, but was advised against it and encouraged to take the matter to court where he will be paid some money (compensation).

The Fulani man promptly registered his case at a local court and during the court proceeding the judge adviced him to go for an out of court settlement.

The Fulani man politely enquired about who was to pay him the money?

The judge sensed he meant compensation, ruled on the case and awarded ten naira as compensation. He now told him to come the next day (Tuesday) to receive his money. The whole idea was to frustrate the Fulani man into forgetting about the money.

He came on Tuesday as instructed and was told to come back on Wednesday. On Wednesday - come on Thursday. On Thursday, - come on Friday.

Friday came (he now expected to be told to come back next week). When the judge now said come next week Tuesday, he approached the judge as if to tell him something and slapped him in the face saying, "If the other man bring the ten naira collect am!"

My Toothbrush
An African businessman traveled to Europe on a business trip and stayed in a boarding house in an attempt to save money. There were three other occupants in the room.

The next morning he noticed that his toothbrush was wet instead of dry. The next day, he again noticed that his tooth brush was wet and suspected that someone else was using his toothbrush.

The businessman decided that he was going to find out who was using his toothbrush, but could not confront any of the three strangers he was sharing the room with. He told the other three that he wanted to sleep a little longer and excused himself from the morning breakfast.

Once he heard them returning to the room, he quickly put his plan in motion: He got up from bed, greeted them and picked up his tooth brush to use it to scratch his buttock and put back the brush. Immediately, one of the room mates started throwing up.

An airplane takes off from the airport. The Captain is Jewish and the
First Officer is Chinese. It's the first time they've flown together and
it's obvious, by the silence, that they don't get along. After thirty
minutes, the Jewish Captain mutters: "I don't like Chinese." The First
Officer replies: "Oooooh, no like Chinese? Why dat?" "Your people bombed
Pearl Harbor. That's why I don't like Chinese." "Nooooo, noooo, Chinese
not bomb Peahl Hahbah. That Japanese, not Chinese." "Chinese, Japanese,
Vietnamese, it doesn't matter, you're all alike." Another thirty
minutes of silence. Finally, the First Officer says: "No like
Jew." "Why not? Why don't you like Jews?" "Jews sink Titanic." "The
Jews didn't sink the Titanic. It was an iceberg." "Iceberg, Goldberg,
Rosenberg, Spielberg; no mattah , all da same."

A married man goes to confessional and he tells the priest,
"I had an affair with a woman, almost." The priest says,
"what do you mean almost?"
The man says, "Well, we got undressed and rubbed together
but then I stopped."
The priest replies, "Rubbing together is the same as putting
it in. You're not to go near that woman again, now say five
Hail Marys and put $50 in the poor box."
The man leaves confessional, goes over and says his prayers,
then walks over to the poor box. He pauses for a moment and
then starts to leave.
The priest, who was watching him, quickly runs over to him and
says, "I saw that, you didn't put any money in the poor box!"
The man replied, "Well Father, I rubbed up against it and you
said it was the same as putting it in!"

@puskin, u don see my mail.

PRAY HARD
A lady goes to her parish priest one day and tells him, "Father,
I have a problem. I have two female parrots but they only know
how to say one thing." "What do they say?" the priest inquired.
"They say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some
fun?" "That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed, "I can see why you
are embarrassed." He thought a minute and then said, "You know,
I may have a solution to this problem. I have two male parrots
whom I have taught to pray and read the Bible.

Bring your two parrots over to my house and we will put them in
the cage with Francis and Job. My parrots can teach your parrots
to praise and worship. I'm sure your parrots will stop saying
that, that phrase in no time." "Thank you," the woman
responded, "this may very well be the solution."

The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest's
house. As he ushered her in, she saw this two male parrots were
inside their cage, hold their rosary beads and praying.
Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them.
After just a couple of seconds, the female parrots exclaimed out
in unison, "Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some
fun?"

There was a stunned silence. Finally, one male parrot looked
over at the other male parrot and said, "Put the beads away,
Francis, our prayers have been answered!"

@puskin, u don see my mail.

must you spam the whole of nairaland? cant u sell ur gsm short code elsewhere?

Which friut/friuts do you dislike and why?
mine i dislike pawpaw, i can't stand the taste.

I'll rather use the term "Satchet water" 80% of them are simply impure water.

King of Nigerian swallow is garri, closely followed by fufu, pounded yam leads the rear pack. pounded yam

Banana is da bomb, just give me banana!