₦airaland Forum

An old man was critically ill. Feeling that death was near, he
called his lawyer. "I want to become a lawyer. How much is
it or the express degree you told me about?"

"It's $50,000," the lawyer said. "But why? You'll be dead soon,
why do you want to become a lawyer?"

"That's my business! Get me the course!"

Four days later, the old man got his law degree. His lawyer
was at his bedside, making sure his bill would be paid.

Suddenly the old man was racked with fits of coughing and
it was clear that this would be the end. Still curious, the
lawyer leaned over and said, "please, before it's too late,
tell me why you wanted to to get a law degree so badly before
you died?"

In a faint whisper, as he breathed his last, the old man said,
"One less lawyer . . ."

THE SMITHS
The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate
father to start their family. On the day the surrogate father was to
arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man should be
here soon" Half an hour later, just by chance a door-to-door baby
photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.

"Good morning, madam. I've come to, "
"Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Smith cut in.
"Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good. I've made a speciality of
babies"
"That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat"

After a moment, she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"
"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the
couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is
fun too; you can really spread out!"
"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and me"
"Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But, if we
try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven different
angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results"
"My, that's a lot of, " gasped Mrs. Smith.
"Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to be in
and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm sure"
"Don't I know it," Mrs. Smith said quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his
baby pictures.
"This was done on the top of a bus in downtown London"
"Oh my God!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief.
"And these twins turned out exceptionally well, when you consider their
mother was so difficult to work with"
"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.
"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to Hyde Park to get the job
done right. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get
a good look"
"Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in amazement.
"Yes," the photographer said, "And for more than three hours too. The
mother was constantly squealing and yelling. I could hardly concentrate.
Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the
squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in."
Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "You mean squirrels actually chewed on your,
um, equipment?"
"That's right. Well, madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so we
can get to work."
"Tripod??"
"Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big for
me to hold for very long. Madam? Madam? , Good Lord, she's
fainted!!"

All the networks in Nigeria are crap.

teacher asked : Why are you late for school?
Johnny: Because of the Sign.
Teacher : What Sign?
Johnny : The sign that says "School ahead go slow"

can you please clarify yourself.

puskin:
@iniguy
Then cum up wit sumtin more xciting nd interesting.
@hayprof
SE w910i. Ma email b okayzie@gmaildotcom.

Ask and it shall be given.

infobaba and toluxa1. Happy birthday in arrears.
Stay off drugs and cultism, if u drink dont drive and vice versa, abstinance is the best answer, if u no fit hold body, use a condom.
lol

@heritage00, 18 phones and still counting! guy u try, When the N97 comes out, buy two. One for me, one for you. more power to your elbow :-)

those are really cool features, it gonna be a magnificient phone. Whats the asking price?

Guys abeg help i cannot use any version of opera mini in my nokia 3500c either with mtn or zain sim. I keep getting error messages, i have have tried evrything but to no avail. i am ready to throw away the phone. so pls proffer solutions to my prob.

@puskin, insongrata, kaybaba, una too like free thing!
Im sick and tired of opera mini 4.2, its too damn slow.

I got this lovely sms from an oldtime friend.
Oh my Dear, forget ur Fear, let all ur Dreams be clear, Never shed a tear, pls hear, draw near, i want to whisper one thing in ur ear. . . gd nite & swit dreamz my dear

Women are like internet virus, ist they enter ur life, scan ur pocket, transfer money, edit ur mind, download their problems, delete your smile and hang ur life!

One of my favourites

A new way for sending ur number via text. Press 0 for help, press 808 for money, press 053 for sharing hapiness, press 0735 for sharing sadness, press all the previous numbers to call me!

Anyone with any killer text?

Hi guys, text messages are powerful. I sent this text to a girl i met in my university library last week
" hey it was nice talking to you yesterday, you seem to be more than just a pretty face, i'll call you when im less busy and we would have a cup of tea and some stimulating conversation. She didnt respond, after three days i sent her this:
smile u make and up whats say to wanted just i that out find u when funny very it find will you. (read it backwards)
She responded with this,
"Upon receiving this text you must sent it 2 one person u like. 1 person u hate, 1 person u love and 1 person u want to love. Now think about y i sent it to you"
I did not reply the text, and she followed it up with "Ah, i forgot your name
can i call you mine?
And in case you forget my name too, call me yours!"
Things are definitely looking up 4 me. Now i trying to compose a killer text.

@dwayne, be careful with that girl ooo, she might be a desperado. Next time u see her, just say this:
"Look here, I dont think this relationship is going to work, why i just met you and already you want to marry me, whatever happened to girls and morals? I am going to get me a proper girl!"
when saying this you should put on a half joking, half serious expression on ur face. Her reply will let u know what type of girl she is.

@Emeka, im sorry to say this but i think you are a gullible fool and an attention seeker.

@op, great jokes but tone down the sex thing okay?

;d

@TOYOSI20 hermophrodite? how u dey manage am

lol. I am on a mission to succeed

Chai! There is nothing i will not see on nairaland.
This thread ought to be moved to the
jokes section.
@winnergal as a follow up i suggest you start a new thread on How many times do you piss and fart a day!

The Hiv virus has no cure for now. Its only GOD than can cure Aids. All claims of a cure are spurious and unsubstantiated, but there is truth in the conspiracy theory. Western govts and Ngos stand a lot to lose if a cure is found for Aids, exportations of anti retroviral drugs, the donation of funds by which most of the times end up in private individuals pockets etc so i believe a lot of underground work is being done to frustrate efforts at finding a cure.