₦airaland Forum

The two play a complementary role.

It depends on what you the individual interpretes as "fashionable". Generally girls are more fashionable than guys, but when a guy decides to be fashionable, he definitely outclasses the girls. Some ladies think that being fashionable starts and end with powdering their noses!

Sagging is disgusting.

Sagging is disgusting.

Hi every one! [gasps for breath] ive been running down here just to meet ya all. im july 17th, any match?

Forget that yarn, Ti is just going there to cool off and escape the media spotlight for a while. America no be naija, no be prison him go na correction centre him go.

no one has listed sunny neji, michael jackson, lionel richie, lucky Dube etc yet?

Halo is definitely a smash hit but its not her best song and the video is not so great.

I vote for mylaki, he is lyrically ill.

I just decided to take time out of my busy schedule to watch some good movies. I need a movie that is exciting and full of suspense, so pls recommend a suspensefull movie for me.

HA ha ha, one of the best threads on Nairaland. I was told this story when i was a kid in nursery school & it stucked. The chap that fabricated this myth sure do deserves an award! lets keep this alive by producing a home movie titled 'India vs Nigeria!'
actors wanted for auditioning

@puskin, why did u change ur signature text? Alright guys! Question no 2: Who is this pcguru?

A grade 'A' friendly at last! cant miss it for anything.

Tragic

I dont see Nigeria loosing the match
I dont see Nigeria learning anything from this match,
This a grade C game
I dont see the super eagles(?) going far with Amodu!

I'm tipping Everton to win.

Make una leave am him wan go celebrate democracy day

Obama should have visited Kenya his ancestral land before any other African country. His visit to Ghana is right, Obama to visit Nigeria? to see who? the beneficiary of a rigged election, Untill Nigeria gets her acts together, we will be shunned by western democracies

The minister of information's passion is misplaced, the whole rebranding thing will fail. It is just a ploy to siphoni our hard earned money. It is a fact that Nigeria needs rebranding but we are getting it all wrong, You cannot sell a rotten product outside. We need internal rebranding and value reorientation there must be an holistic overhaul of the system. Untill we weed out corruption from our collective psyche, we aint going nowhere.

A preacher is buying a parrot.

“Are you sure it doesn’t scream, yell, or swear?” asked the preacher.

“Oh absolutely. It’s a religious parrot,” the storekeeper assures him.

“Do you see those strings on his legs? When you pull the right one, he recites the lord’s prayer, and when you pull on the left he recites the 23rd Psalm.”

“Wonderful!” says the preacher, “but what happens if you pull both strings?”

“I fall off my perch, you stupid fool!” screeched the parrot.

@poster, if all the pipelines in nigeria were blown up, this country will disintergrate.

THE PANDA
The other day I'm sitting in a bar and grill when a panda walks in. He goes up to the bar and orders a ham sandwich. He eats the whole sandwich. When he finishes, he pulls out a pistol, shoots the guy behind the counter in the arm, and walks out.
Witnessing all this, I'm flabbergasted! I follow the panda out the door and catch up with him.
"What the heck are you doing?" I ask.
He turns around to face me.
"I'm a panda!" he says. "Look it up!" And he keeps walking.
At home later I get out my dictionary, turn to "P", and leaf through, page by page, until I find it:
Panda: a giant marsupial living in
Central Asia. Eats shoots and leaves.

The Comedian's Convention

Sammy is attending his first Comedian's Convention. He's very excited to see all the comic's he's seen on TV sitting at tables all around him.
The proceedings begin with a joke session. Jay Leno gets up and says "Number 64." Everyone in the hall laughs uproariously, except Sammy. Sammy turns to the older comedian who brought him, and says, "I didn't hear any joke. What's everybody laughing about?"
"These are all professional comedians," says his friend. "They don't need to hear jokes. They all know the jokes so well, they've given every joke a number. They just get up and say the number. It saves time."
Chris Rock has gotten up and said, "Number one hundred forty three," and again, everyone in the room cracks up.
"Could I try it?" Sammy asks his friend.
"Of course," the friend says.
"So Sammy stands up and he says, "Number fifteen." Nobody laughs. Sammy is so embarrassed, he sits back down. Then he hears a voice mutter down near the end of his table, "Some people just don't know how to tell a joke."

The Violinist
A violinist is playing a concert at Carnegie Hall. He finishes the piece. Voices in the audience shout, "Again! Play it again!"
The violinist is pleased. He plays the piece all the way through a second time.
"Again!" the voices shout once more. "Play it again!"
The musician's self-satisfaction knows no bounds: this is Carnegie Hall, and I'm asked to play not one, but two encores?
When he finishes, the voices rise yet a third time, and the same thing happens after several more repetitions.
Incredulous, the violinist finally walks to the front of the stage and addresses the audience: "Seven encores of the same piece at Carnegie Hall? It's unheard of! Am I that good?"
The audience members shout as one voice:
"You'll do it until you get it right!"

The Argument

Three Tibetan monks are meditating in a cave.
After God Knows how long, one of them opens his eyes.
"It's raining out there," he says, and he closes his eyes and goes back to his meditation.
A year passes. A second monk opens his eyes.
"It's a beautiful, sunny day!" he says, and returns to his closed-eye meditation.
Another year passes. The third monk opens his eyes.
"If you two can't stop arguing," he says, "I'm going to find another cave."

The Man Who Knew Everyone
A friend of mine named Larry once told me, around the time of Bill Clinton's 2nd inauguration, "You know, President Clinton and I are buddies."
I said, "Sure you are."
He said, "No, really! Just turn on your TV tonight to the Inaugural Ball. You'll see me."
Sure enough, I turned on the TV that night, and there was Larry, talking to President Clinton with his arm around the guy.

Not long after, I was talking to Larry about how much I admired Johnny Depp as an actor. Larry said, "Oh, he's a good friend."
I said, "Noooo!"
Larry said, "Let's hop in my car". He drove me to the bar Johnny Depp owns, and as we sipped drinks, Johnny happened to walk by, immediately exclaimed "Larry!" and fell into Larry's arms.

This was getting spooky. Larry seemed to know everyone! I tested Larry with a few more people. We were back in the Bay Area. Larry was telling me he was buddy-buddy with Jerry Brown. We went to a Press Conference at Oakland City Hall, and just before Brown started answering questions, he said "I see my friend Larry out there."

Same kind of thing happened when we went to Bob Dylan's house and rang the bell. Bob answered the door, said "Larry!" gave my friend a big hug, and invited us in for drinks.

I was becoming a believer, but then one day we were having another conversation and Larry said something about "my friend the Pope."
I said, "You can't know him, too!"
Larry said, "Wanna bet?"
Larry happens to be very well off, so he flew the both of us to Rome. We took a cab to St. Peters Square. We were standing in the big crowd below the balcony of the Pope's apartment. Larry said, "Excuse me for a little while" and disappeared into the crowd.
A little while after that, John Paul appeared on the balcony and started blessing people. And who should be up there beside him but, you guessed it!
I was utterly amazed! I nudged a fellow standing next to me, pointed to the balcony, and said, "Look!"
The guy shaded his eyes with his palm, peered up at the balcony, turned back to me, and said, "Who's that guy up there with Larry?"

IT COULD HAVE BEEN WORSE
James is walking on a downtown street one day, and he happens to see his old high school friend, Harry, a little ways up ahead.
"Harry, Harry, how are you?" he greets his old buddy after getting his attention.
"Not so good," says Harry.
"Why, what happened?" James queries.
"Well," Harry says, "I just went bankrupt and I've still got to feed my family. I don't know what I'm going to do."
"Could have been worse," James replies calmly. "Could have been worse."

A month or so later, James again encounters Harry, in a restaurant.
"And how are things now?" he asks.
"Terrible!" says Harry. "Our house burned down last night."
"Could have been worse," says James, again with total aplomb, and goes about his business.

A month later, James runs into Harry a third time.
"Well, how goes it?" he inquires.
"Oh!" says Harry. "Things just get worse and worse. It's one tragedy after another! Now my wife has left me!"
Harry nods his head and gives his usual optimistic-seeming little smile, accompanied by his usual words: "could have been worse."

This time Harry grabs James by the shoulders.
"Wait a minute!" he says. "I'm not gonna let you off so easy this time. Three times in the past few months we've run into one another, and every time I've told you the latest disaster in my life. Every time you say the same thing--"could have been worse."
This time, for God's sake, Harry, I want you to tell me--How in Heaven's name could it have been any worse?"

James looks at Harry with the same little wisp of a smile.
"Could have been worse," he says. "Could have happened to me."

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