₦airaland Forum

Oi Coach!

The Super Eagles have gotten to the end of the line at the Confederations Cup and you depart with your heads held high, having played some really good football against two of the biggest names in World football. Sir, you have our admiration and our thanks for restoring some sense of National Pride and giving us some nice footballing moments to savor.

Back in January when the Eagles seemed to be playing a load of rubbish during the Group matches at the Nations Cup, a lot of Nigerians were understandably upset and called for your sack and the disbandment of the team (Er.. myself included… Sorry sah!). We hear the Powers That Be had already drafted your sack letter ready to give you the righteous boot as soon as Nigeria was eliminated. We noted with rapidly rising pride how you shamed the arseholes at the NFF and Ministry of Sports by going all the way to win the trophy in fine style. This team has come a long way since then, and appears to be continuously improving under your watch. Well done, Coach!

In my last letter, I passionately gave you some well-intentioned advice which you ignored. It’s okay. You are the one in the hot seat and you make the calls. If you take my advice and it backfires, shebi it is you that they will still sack. I ain’t even mad, bro. However, I would like to believe you have seen the merit in some of the arguments I postulated. Brown Ideye is not a footballer, and has shown this all through this competition. The idiot missed more glaring scoring chances in this competition than the amount of men Kim K has been with in her life. We would have drawn or beaten Uruguay and secured a respectable result against Spain if the guy had any atom of skill in him. Sir, remember how Sani Keita disappeared after the last World Cup? Please make Ideye disappear real quick. Biko!

I was complaining about the redundant Ahmed Musa, I didn’t know you carried his cousin Gambo Mohammed, an even worse player, to the competition sef. That sitter he completely and inexplicably fluffed would have shaken Spain to their marrows if it had been converted, and might have sparked a glorious comeback given that the Eagles were outplaying them at the time. Dude, that miss was horrible! Put it down to stage-fright, over-anxiety or plain old otu-ism, that player had no business being on the field of play against such opposition. I should hope the mallam goes back to selling Indomie and eggs at Sabo Market instead of pretending to be a professional player and denying a more talented player a slot in the team. Even the Tahitian attackers would have scored that shit, mehn. Please make the bros disappear sharpish like Ideye! The jury is still out on Ahmed Musa… He has been a wasteful player all competition but against Spain he did look up for it. If he does not improve considerably by the next match the Eagles play, you know what to do…

We like the central defence pairing of Oboabona and Omeruo. Those two young lads have something going on there, and can become the mainstay of the Eagles for years to come. They did a very good job against some of the best strikers in the world, and can be pleased with their performances. We hope you can help them secure good clubs like Westerhof did for your peers back then, and groom them to become World beaters. Those two fellows have bright futures, and I really hope their careers will take off after their mature performances at the competition.

Under your watch, we have seen Mikel Obi transform from an under-performing somebody to a real midfield gem. His performances throughout the tournament have been nothing short of magnificent. How you got him to up his game is one secret millions of Nigerians would love to know. We hope you will build the team around him and continue to get the best of out the player. Please help us advise him to leave Chelsea and join another club that will exploit his talents better. He can’t continue to pass the ball sideways in Chelsea to the detriment of his attacking game, the quality of which we all saw at the Confeds. Please help us tell him!

Sir, I do not know the full story of your brouhaha with Osaze but methinks you have punished the child with your right hand and now you should draw him closer to you with your left. The Super Eagles still needs experienced, committed players like Osaze and Obafemi Martins. We all saw the lack of quality in our front line at this tournament. If these two players were in the squad, we would be preparing to face Brazil now instead of Uruguay. Please, for the sake of the team and the Nation at large, you need to do what you must to beef up our attacking force post-haste even if it means recalling these exiled players.

Like I said earlier, you are doing a damn fine job and majority of Nigerians are behind you. Please ignore the minority idiots who criticize you blindly, when they are tired they will shut up or becoming converts to the revolution. Your immediate priority; qualification for the World Cup is within your grasp and should be secured easily. After that the rebuilding can continue in earnest. We eagerly look forward to seeing a much improved side with you at the helm at the World Cup in Brazil next year.

Source: www.magamaga.com.ng

Dear ‘Big Boss’,

How are you, Sir? Maybe I shouldn’t have asked that question, especially after considering the huge task that looms before you today. Your contemplations must have assumed a greater gravity when you review the performance of a significant number of the Super Eagles who played the last match, especially that pseudo-footballer called Ahmed Musa.

Coach, we sympathize with you knowing that a number of first-teamers including Victor Moses, Emmanuel Emenike and Ogenyi Onazi were unfortunately injured going into the competition and this has made an already difficult task much harder. Discerning football fans will appreciate the impact of their absence on the team and will not judge you too harshly if the Eagles do not go far in the competition.

We will however, criticize the hell out of you if you insist on fielding a number of players who have no business in that team and only serve to frustrate long-suffering Nigerian football fans. I make particular reference to Ahmed Musa, Fegor Ogude, Sunday Mba and Brown Ideye. Let us leave the last two and focus on the former…

Ahmed Musa is Nigeria’s biggest footballing frustration since Pius Ikedia. The lad plays like he is on a dirt pitch with his friends and there are no off-sides or high stakes to play for. He doesn’t know how to dribble or swing in a decent cross from the wings; talk less of putting the ball in the back of the net. He regularly and needlessly loses the ball, and is the highest culprit of broken down team attacks. We can forgive a player if his positives outweigh his negatives, but Mr Musa’s case is completely the reverse.

Mr Ogude on the other hand is not a footballer, Sir. His contribution to the team is approximately sub-zero! His passing is worse than Tonto Dike’s singing, and his tackling is even worse than Paul Scholes! That man is a walking yellow card magnet, and it is only a matter of time before he is red carded in a serious game and he compromises the team like Sani Keita did at the last World Cup! Please Sir, just give the guy carte blanche to enjoy the sights and sounds of Brazil and stay away from the team for the remainder of this competition; kinda like a paid vacation. I am sure he and the majority of Nigerian football fans will appreciate the kind gesture.

Sunday Mba has been out of form, but we remember how he nigh singlehandedly won the Nations Cup for us so we are extending our ‘rope of understanding’. Please warn him that this rope is not infinite sha, and Nigerians have short memories. The more bad performances he posts like the one against Tahiti, the more fans will turn on him. He needs to live in the present and not dwell in the past. Brown Ideye falls into this boat too, to a lesser degree. His decent performances in the Nations Cup still speak for him, but he needs to buckle up. His performance against Tahiti was utter crap and in a European side, he would have lost his place real quick!

I will refrain from talking about the rest of the team… Let’s assume that they were suffering from jet lag and this affected their performances against Tahiti. We do not need to remind them that Uruguay, led by the cannibal Luis Suarez, is a much tougher proposition and they need to bring their A-game to the table. If Vincent Enyeama likes, he should be doing ‘big man’ on the field and continue conceding cheap goals like the one Tahiti scored. Please help us tell Mikel that he is trying but he needs to carry that team on his shoulders and lead us to glory, like our dearly missed brother Jay-Jay used to do. Ah, we miss Jay Jay!

Coach, we are behind you. We are perplexed as to why you did not select better strikers for this competition, but it is your call… Methinks Obafemi Martins and Osaze Odemwingie would have been better fits than that yeye Ujah boy. I believe you have a plan though. Please continue to do your good work and ignore those incompetent bastards at the NFF. God will surely punish them in His own time. We heard that they thoughtlessly slashed the team’s bonuses by 50% and then left the team WHO WERE SUPPOSED TO BE IN BRAZIL in Namibia AND HEADED OFF TO BRAZIL THEMSELVES, probably to ‘sample the local goods’ using money that should have gone to the team in the first place! So if Fifa didn’t sort out the matter, were the idiots going to play the games themselves? Nothing wey person no go see for this Nigeria.

Good Luck against Uruguay today, Sir! God bless you all!

Source: www.magamaga.com.ng

Suspenders and a belt at the same time? Come on, bruh!

See as the bros hol' d babe for waist. Why e no stand straight?

No bresst!