₦airaland Forum

The leader of the Jamaatu ahlis sunnah lil daawati wall jihad, otherwise known as Book Haram, Abubakar Shekau, released a new video today claiming responsibility for Nelson Mandela’s Demise.

In the video on the Hausa service of Hot Swen Tv, Abubakar said there have been speculations that Nelson Mandela wasn't killed by us, I want to use this medium to confirm that the Boko Haram is fully responsible.

The video is the first statement by the sect's leader since September.

The Boko Haram, outlawed by the government, is responsible for the killing of thousands of people in various violent acts in Northern Nigeria. The Federal Government declared a State of Emergency in three North-Eastern states in order to check the activities of the sect.
Continue Reading here >> Boko Haram Claims Responsibility For Nelson Mandela's Death

Following the death of the great freedom fighter and former South African President, Nelson Mandela, Nigeria’s First Lady who is a 'Vacabularist' has decided to deliver a speech in honour of the Legend.
“Good Morin my fellow people, Me, my husband and the plentiful peoples of one great Nigeria send our condolence and congratulated South Africa peoples for the die of their president yesterday evening. We are sadness to welcome the great man. I was sleep under my pillow yesterday when my husband tell me that Mandela has death. I just shout no no no and I start to cry. My husband and Mandela is a good friends. When my husband was a children, Mandela give him his own shoe when he did not have shoe.
Now Mandela she have made the African people a widow by died. Mandela was a good mother, she taked care of us like his child.
Continue reading the hilarious speech here >> Nelson Mandela was a Great Rapper - Patience Jonathan

Many of you are so addicted to using your phones that a day without them might be suicidal. Blackberry users top the list of the mobile phone addicts. Android, iPhone and other smart phone users consider their phones to be the third most important part of their bodies immediately after the heart and the brain. Hot Swen now presents to you, five reasons why you need to throw your phones away immediately.

1. Did you know that all mobile phones come with hidden cameras to record and film all your life activities? This video and voice data is constantly being stored in the Afghanistan government database.

2. Did you know that there is a self-destruct button on your phone? Many people have pressed this button without knowing it and it made their phones to explode immediately, thereby killing them.

Continue Reading>> WHY YOU SHOULD STOP USING YOUR PHONES IMMEDIATELY

The Super Eagles coach, Stephen Keshi, on Wednesday threatened to abandon his team if they were matched to play against Brazil in the 2014 World Cup.
Keshi told Hot Swen Media that all the teams that qualified for the World Cup were all strong teams and he doesn’t know how his own team also managed to qualify. “I told my boys to make sure we don’t qualify so we won’t have to face so much disgrace at the world cup.” “They were trying not to score goals but somebody somewhere was using charms to manoeuvre the ball into the goal post, I don’t know how people can be that wicked” Keshi said.
Continue Reading >> I Will Abandon Super Eagles For Brazil- Stephen Keshi

Ten thousand heavily armed American troops have attacked a Ghanaian journalist, Kofi Kufor, for allegedly spelling the name of the United States president wrongly. Mr Kofi wrote an article about President Obama’s Obama Care plan in a Ghanaian national newspaper. Little did he know that the newspaper will be read by the American president himself.

In the article, Mr Kufor praised the Obama Health Care initiative and commended the president for such a nice idea despite so much criticism. What Mr Kofi did not seem to notice was that his computer’s autocorrect option was changing all the Obama’ to ‘Obeme.

A concerned American citizen who lives in Ghana saw the newspaper article and took it to the American Embassy which immediately forwarded it to President Obama.
The USA president was so furious when he saw the article titled ‘President Obeme and the Obeme Care’. He said ‘Obeme means ‘ugly frog’ in Kenya where I come from, what nonsense is this’
Continue Reading >> USA Troops Flog Ghanaian Journalist for Spelling Obama Wrongly

The new Sony PlayStation 4 was designed by a six year old Nigerian pupil, Akpos Edet, from warri Nigeria. Sony Inc.’s chief engineer, Mr Fred Wisconsin, said ‘I never knew so much talent existed in Africa.
My team and I came to Nigeria on an invitation by the Port Harcourt state governor. On our way to the airport to board a plane back to America, we came across this little boy playing by the side of the road. I wondered what kind of mother would leave her little boy all alone by the road side. We decided to accost the toddler and we were really marvelled by the way he was responding to our questions; what was even more surprising was the fact that he had a sheet of paper and a pen with which he was designing some complex electronic circuits. He later told us that he was designing a video game and had to leave his house to avoid distractions. When my team went through the design, we knew immediately that it was the new PlayStation 4’.
Continue Reading>> The New Sony PlayStation 4 was designed by a 6 year old Nigerian Pupil.

It is no longer news that university lecturers of public universities across Nigeria have been on strike since July, 2013. This has resulted in the partial paralysis of the academic sector in Nigeria. The federal government has tried to persuade the striking ASUU lecturers to return to their classrooms to no avail. The lecturers have insisted on a no retreat, no surrender stand, meaning that the government has to meet all of their demands before they resume work.

The minister of education, Mr Wike Wyke, announced on Hot Swen T.V network this morning that he had fired all the striking lecturers with immediate effect for refusing to return to their teaching jobs despite the intervention of the country’s president. Following this announcement, Mr Wike urged all qualified candidates to apply directly to the federal ministry of education as the country plans to employ one million new lecturers. He further stated that applications from foreigners are also welcomed.

Immediately this announcement was made, Hot Swen news learnt that the Iraqi government has offered to send one million lecturers to all universities across Nigeria to assist the government.
Read full story>> Iraq Offers To Send One Million Lecturers To Nigeria.

Here are six very funny and interesting life lessons you should see and share with the people you love.
Lesson 1: Naked Wife

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, “I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel.” After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.

After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,…

“Who was that?” “It was Bob the next door neighbor,” she replies. “Great!” the husband says, “Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?”

Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.


Lesson 2
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, “I’ll give each of you just one wish” “Me first! Me first!” says the administration clerk. “I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.” Poof! She’s gone. “Me next! Me next!” says the sales rep. “I want to be in Hawaii,relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.” Poof! He’s gone. “OK, you’re up,” the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, “I want those two back in the office after lunch.”

Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.




Lesson 3
A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said,”Father, remember Psalm 129?” The priest removed his hand. But,changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?” The priest apologized “Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.” Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, “Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.”

Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

Lesson 4
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A rabbit asked him,”Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?” The crow answered: “Sure, why not.” So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.

A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.

Lesson 5: Power of Charisma
A turkey was chatting with a bull “I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree,” sighed the turkey, but I haven’t got the energy.” “Well, why don’t you nibble on my droppings?” replied the bull. “They’re packed with nutrients.” The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.

Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it wont keep you there.

Lesson 6
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Moral of the story:
1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy
2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend
3. And when you’re in deep shit, it’s best to keep your mouth shut!
Six Funny Life Lessons ( Very Funny )

A source close to the presidency told Hot Swen media this morning, that President Jonathan has promised to abandon the People’s Democratic Party (PDP) for the newly established All Progressives Congress (APC) if the ASUU strike is called off next week.

According to the source, President Jonathan held a closed door meeting with the leadership of the APC and appealed to them to intervene in the over four months old strike which the academic staff union of Universities (ASUU) have refused to end.

Our source told Hot Swen media that when the APC party national chairman , Chief Adebisi Oganga, asked what the president was willing to give in return if they made the lecturers call of the strike, President Jonathan said....
Read Here I Will Join APC if ASUU Calls Off Strike- President Jonathan

Three guys all worked in the same office with the same male boss.

Each day, they watched the boss leave work early.



One day, the guys decided that, when the boss left, they would leave right behind him.

After all, he never called or came back to work, so how would he know they went home early?

Ochuko was thrilled to be home early, he did a little gardening, spent play time with his son, and went to bed early.

Johnbull was elated to be able to get a quick workout at the spa before meeting a dinner date.

Akpos was happy to get home early and surprise his wife, but when he got to his bedroom, he heard a muffled noise from inside.

Slowly and quietly, he cracked open the door and was mortified to see his wife in bed with his boss!

Gently he closed the door and crept out of the house.

The next day, at their coffee break, Ochuko and Johnbull planned to leave early again, and they asked Akpos if he was going to go with them.

“No way!” Akpos exclaimed. "Oga almost caught me yesterday!"

You should see this also: Jokes: Female Teacher and John

The American government has extended the popular Obama Care to Nigeria. In case you don’t know what Obama care is, it is a new health care bill which was signed into law in 2010 under the administration of President Barack Obama to offer every American citizen access to cheap medical care through private insurance companies.

The USA government is teaming up with president Jonathan of Nigeria to enable Nigerians benefit from this care also. It will be called Jonathan Care in Nigeria and will offer citizens the right to free medical attention regardless of the cost of their medical needs.

Immediately the bill was announced on Hot Swen TV this morning, many private hospitals were shut down by their owners as they can no longer extort money from patients. Many medical doctors have also resigned and are now applying for lecturing jobs in universities as reports have shown that ASUU members might be the richest people in Nigeria by 2014.

The federal government stated that this is a very good development which takes care of so many issues at the same time. The senate president ,Emmanuel Briggs said “we no longer need to tackle the boko haram insurgency as anybody who gets injured by their bullets will be treated for free ,so boko haram carry go oo, we no fear you again “ . He also said dead victims of bomb explosions and plane crashes can be kept in hospitals and be receiving proper medical treatment for as long as their family wishes, even though they are already dead, it is all free.

Continue Reading>> America Extends Obama Care to Nigeria

The country’s finance minister, Mrs Okonjo Umeh, addressed news men today at a press briefing in Abuja. She spoke about several issues affecting the nation’s economy and how citizens can help the finance ministry in achieving remarkable results.

Mrs Okonjo said “Nigeria is very broke right now and needs as much foreign revenue as possible”. Talking about ways to generate revenue for the country, Mrs Okonjo said:

First, we have to realize that Nigeria is our great nation and we should be ready to do anything to move our country forward. . A lot of our youths engage in oil theft these days, it is a very lucrative business but what I don’t like is the fact that they are busy stealing their own country’s oil. Can’t they go and steal the oil from neighbouring countries and bring to us? We will even give them national honours for that.
Continue Reading >> We Need Yahoo Boys to Generate Foreign Exchange - Finance Minister.

The Chinese government is making frantic moves to purchase some African countries by 2014.This development is as a result of a recent census which revealed that China is currently overpopulated. The country will soon run out of space to accommodate her citizens and the government has decided to acquire more land space.

We all know that Chinese technological advancement is very rapid and so is their natality.
Hot Swen Media interviewed a Chinese states man who revealed to us that everything in China now is about technology. Even child birth is now copy and paste which is the reason for the population explosion.
Read more here >> China Making Moves to Acquire Nigeria.

It is no longer news that the Academic Staff Union of Universities (ASUU), has been on strike for over four months. The university lecturers embarked on this industrial action to protest against the Nigerian government’s breach of its 2009 agreement with the union.
This strike has kept many students idle for four months and many of the girls are now pregnant while the boys are expectant fathers.


There have been several meetings held to reach a compromise to call off the ongoing strike but all have yielded no positive result. Recently, a top member of the striking union was reportedly killed in a ghastly motor accident on his way to one of the meetings and rumour has it that he was murdered by the police.

Finally a breath of fresh air. >> ASUU Strike: INEC Offers Solution

The Nigerian sports ministry has embarked on an operation to recruit hawkers who sell items on major roads across the country. The sports minister, Mr John Fadiora, said “This is something we should have done a long time ago, we have many people who sell things on the roads and they are always in motion, running up and down to sell their goods. Some of them even run faster than many cars, these are raw talents wasting away. The federal ministry of sports has decided to work with these hawkers, especially the ones that sell gala sausage rolls, they run like sport cars. One of them chased me from Oshodi to my house in Victoria Island one day because I forgot to pay him his money, what was really surprising was that he even got to my house before me even though I was driving.
Continue Reading >> Gala Sellers To Represent Nigeria AT 2014 Winter Olympics.

The Nigerian population commission (NPC) has stated that the country’s population might double by 2014 due to the strike of the university lecturers. The academic staff union of universities embarked on an indefinite strike four months ago and this has kept many students idle for four months.

Statistics from maternity clinics across the country have shown that sixty percent of all female students currently enrolled in public universities are now pregnant due to the ASUU strike. Read More>> Nigeria’s population To Double By 2014 Due To ASUU Strike

Hot Swen news learnt that the CEO of Mavin Records, Don Jazzy, was kidnapped last night along the Lekki axis of Lagos on his was from a show. The Don’s car was reportedly snatched at gun point with him still in the vehicle.
His personal bodyguard fled from the scene the moment he sighted the fierce looking heavily armed young men approaching Don Jazzy.

The Don tried to pay the kidnappers off immediately with the money he had just gotten from his show which was still in his car’s boot but they rejected it claiming they were sent by their boss. The Don’s brother, D’Prince contacted H.S to help in negotiating with the kidnappers.
Read Full Story >> Don Jazzy Kidnapped

A Tipster close to the Abacha family told Hot Swen news that the son of the late Nigeria military dictator, distributed several expensive items as souvenirs to guests at his wedding on Sunday.
Mahmud Abacha, the fourth son of Late General Sanni Abacha, had a lavish wedding ceremony as he tied the knot with his wife Hamma Mohammed.
The Juma’at prayers took place at the Abuja National mosque after which the couple led the guests to the H.S gardens for the reception.
A source close to Mahmud, told Hot Swen news that brand new Bentley GT Continental cars were distributed to every guest at the wedding as souvenirs.
Read More >> Mahmud Abacha Shares Bentley as Wedding Souvenirs

The World Weather Organisation, WWO, announced this morning that there would be major climate changes in Nigeria by December, 2013.
The president of WWO, Professor Rolls Hopkins, said “By December this year, starting from the very first day, residents of Africa’s most populous nation, Nigeria will experience heavy winter. On December first, the weather will suddenly become so cold and heavy snows will be dropping from the sky. The weather is going to be so cold that many people might get frozen on their way to work”.
Read Full Story >> Warning: Heavy Winter To Hit Nigeria In December.

Akpos in a hurry entered the Ladies' toilet instead of the Men's toilet.

He sat down and noticed four buttons with the following inscriptions on them: WW, WA, PP, APR

Akpos was curious and pressed the WW button.
His buttocks was gently sprayed with warm water.

Akpos then said; I love this and pressed the WA button and a blast of warm air dried his buttocks.

Akpos said; Wow! I am loving this.

He pressed the PP button. A powder puff rubbed on his buttocks and made him smell fresh.

Akpos then said; Automatic toilet, look at how it is pampering me.

He pressed the last button, which is the APR button and woke up in a hospital bed.

A nurse smiled at him and asked; Did you press the APR button.

Akpos replied; Yes, I pressed it.

The nurse then said; APR means AUTOMATIC PAD REMOVER. I'm sorry. When the machine couldn't find a pad on you it went for your balls. Your balls are in this jar.

Visit Hot Swen everyday for a good laugh.

A resident of Port Harcourt woke up this morning as his dog told him “good morning master”. Mr Ayobami lives alone in his two bedroom apartment along Jordan road, Port Harcourt. He bought a puppy three years ago after his family traveled abroad. All he ever saw the dog do was bark at strangers but for the first time, the dog talked today...
Source >> Shocking : Talking Dog Found In Port Harcourt

The Koko Master is at it again. Dapo Oyebanjo popularly known as D’Banj posted a funny tweet on his twitter profile today. After Genevieve turned him down just to be with Davido
, the Oliver Twist crooner has been busy rediscovering himself.

Sources close to Hot Swen News told us that D’Banj tried to steal Kim Kardashian’s diamond ring
just so he could use it to propose to Genevieve but he got caught and was arrested.

After his release, D’Banj has however managed to stay off the media for sometime .The Koko Master’s latest tweet has brought him back into the news.
See what he said >> I Didn't Go For Peter’s Wedding Because I Don’t Like Weddings. – D’Banj

As we all know, Mr May D was kicked out of Square Records some time ago. Rumour has it that he was thrown out for leaking one of Psquare’s songs. Immediately after his eviction from the record label, May D went on social media platforms to pour out his anger accusing the twins of being selfish.
The traditional wedding ceremony of Peter Okoye, one of the Psquare twins took place today in Lagos and guests were surprised to see Mr May D as one of the best men. I guess they settled their beef without making it public. Yes May D’s presence was surprising but what was more shocking was the wedding gift which he presented to Peter.
Find out here >> Check Out Mr May D’s Wedding Gift To Peter Okoye.

Many of our readers, especially the male ones, have been sending messages to our science and technology department asking how they can see through people’s clothes without them knowing.

This is a topic many people will be excited to read. Imagine having glasses that enables you see through the dresses of the hottest girls in your class or at work. Yes it is very possible and here is our seven step guide to achieve this.
>> How To See Through People’s Clothes With Your Glasses

Information reaching Hot Swen media house has it the Peter Okoye of Psquare has retrieved the range rover SUV which he used to propose to his fiancée Lola Omotayo.
The news was all over town when Peter gave out the beautiful 2013 Range Rover Evogue to Lola and many girls started putting pressures on their men to follow suit.
Read Full Story>> Peter Okoye Retrieves Range Rover Evogue, Lola Cancels Wedding

ishit4body: Moderators. Delete this nonsense. This guy is messing with Royalty. 2face does not even qualify to pack the Queen's s..hit talkless of impregnating her. Its not worth a joke.

They are just lucky to have been born into a royal family in England. You could have been born there too or they could have been born into your family. We are all equal before God and you don't have to worship any human. It's pure humour and should not be taken too seriously .
Don't get it twisted; Only God Almighty is supreme

Following the recent development which hit the Buckingham like a storm, Prince William has finally opened up on how he feels about the pregnancy of his eighty seven year old grandmother ,Queen Elizabeth the second.
Prince Williams is really unhappy about this and has threatened to deal with 2face for getting his grandma pregnant. The prince was feeding his rhino with carrots while our correspondent was interviewing him. That is what he does whenever he gets angry.
Prince William Reacts to Queens Pregnancy, Threatens 2face

The Skelewu crooner, David Adeleke, popularly known as Davido announced on his twitter profile this morning that he would be getting married next month. Davido was in the news recently for the controversy which his Skelewu video generated and also for getting involved in a club brawl with his bouncer.

The omo baba olowo said he wasn't so impressed with the culture of artists having babies out of wedlock. He said “I don’t want to do like 2face, Psquare, or even Wizkid; I want to have my first baby with my wife”.
Read Full Story

Fans tried to pull him down but their hands couldn't get to him. An helicopter was later brought in to get him out of the air, but Kobe remained stuck in the air for about forty-five minutes until Nigerian herbalist, Dr Abija Wara bi Ekun was called on the phone.
Read Full Story

I know you might be a little scared reading this but I’m sorry I have a little bad news for you. A recent study carried out by Hot Swen research team has shown that nobody is getting out of this life alive. Yes no matter how hard you try, you are not getting out alive.
Don’t cry, I cried too when I got the report but here is the good news: you have the right to enjoy your current life to the fullest. Oh yeah, do I see a smile there?
A lot of us take life too seriously forgetting that we won’t be here forever. Many times, we get angry with the people we love, we yell at them we get worried over little things and all that, but trust me we can do without all this and live a better life. Life is already very short so why make it any shorter? You think a hundred years is a long time? Trust me, it’s not, time flies. Go and ask your eighty year old grandpa I’m sure he would be able to explain that to you better. Times flies even faster when we don’t live our lives to the fullest.
Ok, don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying you should start being a miscreant, but common, stop taking life like you own all the problems in the world. I won’t bore you too much with all these talks but I’ll just give you one priceless tip that will change your life if you use it well.
Here is the priceless tip

A source close to Chris Brown, told Hot Swen Media that the America musician got married to a Nigerian girl secretly on Saturday. The question on everybody’s lips is ‘why would Chris Breezy have a secret wedding’? So many people have been calling our telephone lines asking us to contact Chris to find out why he did this and to also get some of the wedding pictures...
See Wedding pictures

A staff of H.S International Comprehensive College, Ikeja, Miss Helen Afolabi claims to be having an affair with one of her students, John George. Miss Helen went for a pregnancy test over the weekend and was confirmed pregnant at the H.S. General Hospital. She is a single woman who has never been married and claims that her student, John, is responsible for her pregnancy....
Read Full Story