₦airaland Forum

Information is power. Unique information sourced from undiscovered territory then is a new level of domination.

In the past following the markets used to mean gathering data from a few main sources: reading the Wall Street Journal daily, reading financial statements and SEC filings and locating patterns in prices. Later the Internet made it easy to find an enormous volume of financial data for free at the click of a button.

Today we are living in the era of the data revolution, where nearly every move we make can be digitized, tracked, and analyzed and every company is now a data company. Using all this un-mined information with the potential to be leveraged for commercial value in the financial industry is called alternative data.

It is estimated that asset managers are currently spending $2-3 billion on alternative data, including acquiring datasets, implementing big data technology, and hiring talent. Spending is projected to grow 10-20% annually, in line with big data growth in other industries.

Alternative Data and the Next generation of Algorithmic Trading

Algorithmic trading has been used in stock, futures and other financial markets by institutional and individual investors with many success stories. Algorithmic trading works by “feeding” the trading system with price data from the exchange market, data from news companies or even data from the web (for deep analysis such as sentiment analysis). While this unique market data is being collected, the system performs complicated analysis to look for profitable opportunities and acts upon those opportunities without human intervention needed. Algorithmic traders are constantly searching for trading signals in order to acquire investing advantages.

Currently, the world is creating 2.5 quintillion bytes of data daily. Feeding this amount of data to investment and trading algorithms represents a unique opportunity for Quantitative investors. The more data available to the algorithm the more “unmistakable” the result. However, finding an edge doesn’t depend only on the quantity of data quants have, but also on the ability to make use of data overseen by others and combine the ones that otherwise seem unrelated. In other words finding and leveraging alternative data.



Sources and applications of Alternative Data
Drones
Drones have become increasingly sophisticated in collecting data either by using sensors or by collecting images — from the number of cars in various parking lots, to the change in oil reserve levels in large storage tanks and from crop and forest health to digital management of excavation and construction sites — data collected by drones can shed light on the health of various aspects of the economy.

Drones are cost effective: they are able to capture large amount of data in a very short time and in non-ideal conditions, such as through rain, clouds, darkness, or even concrete walls. They can travel in sites that are hard to reach and are dangerous for humans to inspect. Farming, construction, Oil, retail, manufacturing and insurance industries are expected to be revolutionized by the vast amount of data drones and satellites are gathering, analyzing and modeling.

Web, app, and social media data 
When it comes to predicting consumer behavior data from the web, applications and social media are the most useful. Moreover, as companies move their business operations to the Internet, new data trails are being created that provide unique actionable insights on these companies, providing systematic investors with valuable new information and critical data points that others might miss.

Broadly speaking, brand mentions and trending topics can signal price movement. More examples of data that can be aggregated from the web and that provide interesting insights to investors are: headcount and hiring rates of a company, employee sentiment, online store growth and overlay competitors together with their demographic data, data on online product pricing and promotional activity, pricing by individual property and city, growth on a tenant-by-tenant basis, etc.

Geo-location
Smartphones are equipped with location services that allow us to use maps or weather functions, but also let mobile carriers know where we are at any time. That untapped data can be valuable to see what shops, hotels or restaurants individuals are visiting, a gold mine for hedge funds looking for clues on consumer trends.  Changes in foot traffic can indicate future changes in revenue and profitability for retail and restaurant locations.

Foursquare has been able to accurately predict footfall, and therefore sales, at Apple and Chipotle. Twitter, meanwhile, sells data to banks and hedge funds directly. The services offered by Foursquare and Twitter are evidence of the growing use of "alternative data" on Wall Street. These alternative data sets are also helping bring transparency to opaque markets like China, where economic data has known to be inflated.

Credit card tracking
The most valuable seam of data for investors is information that shows directly what consumers are spending their money on. Although it only offers a partial view of sales trends, combined with other data sets credit card tracking can offer vital insights. For example, combined with satellite images that can scan car parks and geo-location data from mobile phones credit card usage can show how many people are visiting various stores, the investment group can get a real-time idea of how companies are doing, long before their results are released.

On the level of a company data on transactions can give great insight into the Business Health Metrics. Tracking company payment patterns such as amounts, delays and delinquencies can help investors discern whether a company is paying its debts on time. Sudden increases in late payments can be a sign of weakness and cash-flow problems. This data, therefore, can help gauge debtor distress — a leading indicator of stock under performance.

Business Operations Data
Big data can allow investors to get information on the health of various companies, but can also support in increasing efficiency. After all, most of the new business value will arise from optimizing operations. For example, in factories, sensor data used to predict when equipment is wearing down or needs repair can reduce maintenance costs by as much as 40 percent and cut unplanned downtime in half. Inventory management could change radically, as well.

Cameras can measure the number of components along production lines, and an inventory-management system automatically places supply orders to refill the containers. In mining, self-driving vehicles promise to raise productivity by 25 percent and output by 5 percent or more. They could also cut health and safety costs as much as 20 percent by reducing the number of workplace accidents.

Insurance Data

Every company needs insurance of one sort or another, which means that the insurance industry produces a ton of data that’s waiting to be analyzed. The insurance industry could suggest signals about the automotive industry, fuel supply, and even route points if you include in-car transponders designed to bring down premiums. For example, the number of insurance policies that are issued for new cars, almost perfectly correlates with new car sales volume. This means that auto insurance data can provide investors a daily count of new car insurance policies, sliced by manufacturer. This data can then be used to estimate total daily new car sales per manufacturer. Anyone trading auto equities would be interested in this kind of data.

Internet of Things

Research reveals that companies currently under-utilize most of the IoT data they collect. When physical assets equipped with sensors give an information system the ability to capture, communicate, and process data they create game-changing opportunities: production efficiency, distribution, and innovation all stand to benefit immensely. Research suggests that the operational efficiency and greater market reach IoT affords will create substantial value in many industries.

IoT systems can also take the guesswork out of product development by gathering data about how products (including capital goods) function, as well as how they are actually used. Using data from equipment rather than information from customer focus groups or surveys, manufacturers will be able to modify designs so that new models perform better and to learn what features and functionality aren’t used and should therefore be eliminated or redesigned.

Opportunities and Risks


We’ve barely scratched the surface of potential alternative data sources. The data sources that will become available in the next decade dwarf what we have access to right now and companies will evolve to make use of all this data. Every single industry is going to be transformed by data and early access to that data means an inside view on all those industries and companies. However, there are still unsolved issues and complications related to alternative data.

Processing the data

The problem with all of this data is that there is no way a human can process the enormous amount of financial information generated every day. This is where artificial intelligence (AI) can help by collecting, analyzing, and modeling the data far more efficiently than a room full of human analysts. AI can quickly find patterns within enormous data sets. Using the tools of AI and machine learning, investors, analysts, and wealth managers can develop far more complex forecasts than ever before to increase their rate of return on investment. As the amount of available data continues to exponentially increase, the need for technology capable of sifting through the data becomes increasingly necessary for investment decisions.

Privacy Issues

The usefulness of this type of data for investment firms does not lie in the actions or details of single individuals; instead, firms are looking for broad demographic trends that are based on the aggregate of the data sets. However, there are still concerns regarding the privacy and confidentiality of personal information gathered from alternative data sources.

For the most part, data gatherers typically obtain permission to sell data, often via the terms and conditions users are often required to agree regarding the use of the information. However, this alone may not be sufficient to protect against privacy intrusions.

Alternative data will eventually become a basic aspect of portfolio management; for now, funds and other institutions should approach the use of such data with caution and should ensure that they are in compliance with new regulations such as the GDPR which will set the tone for data privacy regulation in the near future.



Edge or commonplace?


The landscape of data is constantly changing and analysts have to evolve to keep up with it. However, every model has a shelf life. Rare, unique and proprietary data eventually diffuses and becomes commonplace, easily available, edgeless data. Newly discovered datasets are rare and valuable because they contain alpha. But as time goes by, this data diffuses to a wider audience and its alpha content diminishes. Finally, the data becomes old and obsolete. Smart analysts who have internalized the spectrum of diffusion are aware of this dynamic and are always ready to adapt.

To conclude, the wave of Alternative data will only be alternative for so long, eventually becoming a core part of any portfolio manager’s toolkit. Eventually, everybody will have access to satellite data, just like everybody has access to fundamentals data today, and it will no longer be edge-worthy. But for now, unorthodox alternative data sources like logistics and consumer data are moving the markets. Those who can access the information the fastest will stay ahead of the market. To stay competitive, firms need to consume more data both traditional and non-traditional.

However, conducting research with alternative data does not always come easily; it often arrives in messy formats and can be difficult to handle. Treasures are often hard to dig out.Therefore, innovation in the future will consist in, “turning the data into knowledge” using machine learning and artificial intelligence. Creating the next generation trading algorithm that can analyze the vast amount of alternative data produced every single day, an algorithm that will be able to make deeply informed decisions and discover profit opportunities without the least human intervention.

A great future to imagine, but one that will belong only to those who are acting now:acquiring datasets now, implementing big data technology https://quantsavvy.worldsecuresystems.com/blog/quants-are-using-alternative-data

In a rather surprising event today, an 18-year-old Nigerian girl married her mobile phone in Lagos. According to the new marriage laws issued by the Supreme Court, anyone above the age of 18 can marry anything except the same-sex.
Vivian Okilo, who is a student of the University of Lagos, today, under the same law married her newly bought mobile phone at a private marriage registration office located in Lagos. Sources say that it wasn’t a big ceremony as Vivian wanted to keep it a secret but the news broke down somehow and went viral on the internet within minutes.

One of her friends who was there in the ceremony told Hot Swen Media on condition of anonymity that Vivian’s husband’s name is Mr. Hifon Five.

Hot Swen Media reporter did manage to talk to the marriage registrar, Barrister. Keyamo, who officially tied the knot between Vivian and Mr. Hifon Five. “I think there is nothing wrong with it. It is totally under the law as Mr. Hifon Five surely belongs to the other gender. Plus teenagers love their mobile phones more than anything nowadays. Even more than their parents,” Barrister Keyamo told Hot Swen Media.

“Every teenager takes pleasure from using them constantly on public transport, during lectures, funerals, whilst in the toilet and some kids even have their head pieces connected to their ears, while they’re sleeping. This behaviour of teenagers prove that they can easily spend the rest of their lives together with their beloved phones,” Barrister Keyamo further added.

“I personally believe that....Source>> HotSwen Media

Following the circulation of some texts on social media platforms advising Nigerians to take their bath with salt water,the country’s residents have trooped out in numbers to buy every pinch of salt they can lay their hands on.
In an interview with Iya Ramotu, a shop owner, HotSwen Media gathered the following information.
HotSwen Correspondent: Good morning ma, may I know you ?
Iya Ramotu: Good morning, my name is Iya Ramotu, I own this shop
HotSwen Correspondent: Please I want to buy some salt
Iya Ramotu: Salt has finish o, people have come and buy all my salt since morning…
HotSwen Correspondent: Madam, but why is everyone buying salt today?
Iya Ramotu: Me I don’t know o, but I heard someone saying Ebo, or Eba something.
HotSwen Correspondent: You mean Ebola ?
Iya Ramotu: Yes Yes Yes , Ebola, they said they want to use the salt to baff away Ebola.
HotSwen Correspondent: So madam now that salt has finished in your shop what next?
Iya Ramotu: It is not only in my shop o, salt has finish everywhere in Nigeria, I have called all my suppliers and they talk say salt don finish everywhere. Na Maggi we dey sell give people now.
HotSwen Correspondent: Maggi?
Iya Ramotu: Yes, people dey buy Maggi too, dem talk say since salt fit kill Ebola, Maggi too fit kill am , when Maggi sef finish dem go start to dey use Knorr, Onga and even Pepper baff.
HotSwen Correspondent:Ohh wow , thanks for this interview Iya Ramotu.
Iya Ramotu: No problem my brother, you go buy Maggi?
HotSwen Correspondent: No Thank you ma.

That is what Iya Ramotu had to say. Soap manufacturers have however been complaining bitterly as salt and Maggi shares have risen highly against Soap shares on the stock market..

Continue Reading >> NIGERIANS NOW BATH WITH MAGGI AS SALT SCARCITY HITS NIGERIA

This is the Jokes section right? Its all about comedy and laughing to ease tension. Watch this hilarious animation skit about a young Lagos big boy who discovers that his new girl friend has the deadly Ebola Virus and runs for his life. Enjoy the video below. Cheers.

VIDEO: Ebola Love - Hilarious

Following the recent Ebola virus epidemic in some West African countries and the discovery of a man with the virus in Lagos Nigeria, the Federal Government of Nigeria has placed a total ban on the operations of commercial transports system in Nigeria.
In an emergency announcement on HotSwen Tv, Mr President said “We have decided to ban Danfo buses, Taxi, Okada, Bicycle, Canoe, Molue, BRT, Train and even aeroplanes from operating in Nigeria. This Ebola virus is a very serious thing , how can a virus so deadly as that be transferable from one person to another by ordinary handshake or body contact? My wife, Patience, and I were watching TV just last night expecting to see the usual Boko Haram Stories but to our surprise, all we were seeing on TV was Ebola Ebola everywhere. When I asked Patience what Ebola was, she said it is a very serious disease caused by eating Eba and it can be transmitted by handshake or body contact. She said a Liberian man ate Eba on a flight and when he landed in Nigeria he had Ebola and he has transferred it to some people already. I have therefore banned all public gatherings, all forms of public transport and also it is now a criminal offence to eat Eba in Nigeria, anyone found eating Eba will be arrested and prosecuted. Also, it is now a crime to give names with Ebola in them to your children eg OyEbola, AdEbola etc and for those who already bear those names please go and get tested. Continue Reading>> Source>> EBOLA: FG BANS COMMERCIAL TRANSPORT IN NIGERIA

Following the disgraceful 7-1 defeat of the Brazilian team by the Germans and a subsequent 3-0 defeat in the third place match against Netherlands, the Super Eagles of Nigeria have been bragging about their abilities and how they are better than the Brazilian team.

In an interview with the coach of the super eagles, Stephen Keshi, he had this to say “I am sure Nigerians are very proud of us. We went to Brazil and showed them that kaki no be leather. Many people were thinking we would not pass through the group stage but we disappointed them. The truth is that we could have beaten every team at the world cup but we had our strategy. For example, the reason why we didn’t beat Iran is the fact that some of our girls have already been abducted by Boko Haram and we don’t want our women to be abducted by Iranians then everybody will start chanting #BringBackOurWomen. As for France, we allowed them to beat us based on mutual agreement that in the next world cup they will also allow us to beat them without any stress. The only thing I regret is the fact that we didn’t get to play against Brazil. It is very painful for the SuperEagles because we would have shown our real worth with Brazil. Ordinary Germany played against Brazil and beat them 7-1. They only spelt BRAZIL with a full-stop. Now imagine what would have happened if a powerful team like ours, the super eagles, faced Brazil, we would have spelt BRAZILIAN HAIR. We are already looking forward to the next world cup and we pray to meet Brazil all the way so we can spell “ORIGINAL BRAZILIAN HAIR EXTENSION “.

Source>> HotSwen Media (News to the Dumb, Comedy to the wise)

In what could prove to be a major marketing and legal embarrassment for Unilever Nigeria Limited (UNL), a 26-year-old man has filed a case against the company, which owns the Close Up toothpaste brand, for ‘cheating’ and causing him ‘mental suffering’.
The plaintiff has cited his failure to attract any girl at all even though he’s been using Close-Up toothpaste for over seven years now. Close-Up advertisements suggest that the product helps men in instantly attracting women by letting their breaths out.

Anthony Olatunfe, the petitioner, also surrendered all his used, unused and half-used Close-Up tubes to the court, and demanded a laboratory test of the products. Anthony was pushed to take this step when his female boss slapped his face when he tried to kiss her after brushing his teeth with the Close-Up toothpaste.

“Where is the Close-Up effect? I’ve been waiting for it for over seven years. Right from my college to now in my office, no girl ever agreed to even go out for a tea or coffee with me, even though I’m sure they could smell my breath. I always brush my teeth with so much close up gel to make sure the girls get turned on by my fresh breath as they usually show on TV. “

Continue reading the hilarious story here >> UNABLE TO ATTRACT EVEN A SINGLE GIRL, FRUSTRATED MAN SUES CLOSE UP

In a new year message aired live on Hot Swen T.V, the President of Nigeria, President Jonathan, said he would be taking measures to leave no stones unturned this year.

President Johnathan told Hot Swen newsmen that his administration faced a lot of draw backs in 2013 due to the fact that Nigerians were always raining insults and curses on him instead of praising him and supporting his government.
“All these will stop this year as I have already set up a committee to install CCTV monitoring cameras in every home starting from February 2014.The CCTV cameras will be installed in the sitting rooms, bedrooms, kitchens, bathrooms and toilets of every home to ensure that nobody is talking ill of the president. Anybody found guilty of insulting me or supporting the opposition party will be dealt with accordingly” President Jonathan said.

Continue Reading>> FG TO INSTALL CCTV MONITORING CAMERAS IN EVERY HOME BY FEBRUARY

Santa Clause arrived in Abuja,Nigeria today on an invitation by Nigeria’s first lady, Mama Peace, to celebrate Christmas with the Jonathan family as well as close friends of the family but was injured a few minutes ago inside Santa’s Castle due to an explosion which the dreaded Boko Haram sect has claimed responsibility for.
Santa was on his way to the presidential villa when two tattered kids suddenly jumped in front of his convoy. The presidential guards wanted to shoot the kids immediately but naive Santa ordered them not to. He alighted from the car to talk to the kids who claimed they were poor and hungry. Santa gave gifts to them and was about to go back into his vehicle when the two kids suddenly hugged him and shouted “we be boko haram pikin” then an explosion went off almost immediately.

Santa was lucky to have survived the explosion due to the fact that he has stuffed his body with so many gifts which protected him from the fatal impact of the explosion.

Continue Reading to see what FG said >> FG POSTPONES XMAS AS BOKO HARAM INJURES SANTA CLAUSE

1. 3% of all ex-priests head-butt people when people aren't looking

2. 60% of all magicians become single parents during public holidays

3. Most potbellied politicians hop backwards for no apparent reason

4. 75% of all historians befriend fridges professionally

5. 61% of all priests cook whilst whistling

For All Previous Facts >> Hot Swen Facts

The Lagos state government has introduced a new sport in the state. This new sport is known as “Wheel Barrow Racing”, it involves several people participating in a racing competition by pushing wheel barrows very fast.

Governor Fashola while addressing Hot Swen correspondents said “This is something I have always wanted to introduce since I became governor and there is no better time to introduce this than on Christmas day. We all know there are car racing competitions and bike racing tournaments all over the world but how many of our people can participate in these competitions?

Continue Reading >> LAGOS STATE GOVERNMENT INTRODUCES WHEEL BARROW RACING COMPETITION.

The President of the Federal Republic of Nigeria, President Jonathan, welcomed a baby girl into the family last week as his wife, Dame Patience Jonathan, put to bed at the Presidential Hospital.

Dame Patience had been heavily pregnant for several months but managed to stay off the media to avoid unnecessary publicity.

Hot Swen Media however, attended the naming ceremony of the new baby at the presidential villa, Aso Rock, Abuja today, where Mrs Patience named her daughter Peace Jonathan and warned the general public to address her as Mama Peace henceforth. Mama Peace said anyone who refers to her as Patience from now on will be arrested.

Once again, congratulations to President Jonathan and Mama Peace.

Photos here>> DAME PATIENCE JONATHAN WELCOMES BABY GIRL

The Nigerian Police Force has arrested a twelve year old boy, Obinna, for watching a Chinese movie on his phone.

Obinna is said to have been watching a very interesting movie on his Nokia phone while on transit in a commercial bus when he was taken away. His earphones were bad so he had to use the loud speaker of his phone to enjoy the movie to the fullest, not minding the other passengers in the bus. Unknown to the poor boy, a police officer in mufti was sitting right beside him. Obinna was arrested and locked up in a police cell before he knew what was happening.
Continue reading >> POLICE ARRESTS KID FOR WATCHING CHINESE MOVIE

The Federal Government has approved the release of new Nigerian Naira currency notes featuring former President Olusegun Obasanjo on the new 5000 naira notes.

"We would rather have placed Fela Anikulapo Kuti on the N5000 note but because he had never been President of Nigeria, we couldn't. We could have placed Obasanjo on the old N50 note but that also wasn't possible because there were already too many people there” the president’s spokesperson said.

When Hot Swen Media contacted the CBN governor, he said “Personally, I see no reason for the sudden release of these new notes but at the same time, I also reason with Mr President. He explained to me in details the reason behind his actions. He said Chief Obasanjo had always complained that he wasn’t getting the respect he deserved from him. He said the letter which was leaked to the public is a fake one and the real one that was delivered to him personally by Obasnajo’s P.A is totally different from the fake one being circulated.”

The CBN governor also played a recorded telephone conversation between himself and the President in which we heard Mr President say...
Continue Reading>> OBASANJO'S PICTURE ON NEW N5000 NOTES!

The Nigerian Sports Ministry has hired Andre Villas-Boas, the recently sacked manager of Tottenham Hotspur, to coach the Super Eagles into victory at the Brazil 2014 world cup.
The secretary to the sports’ minister, Mr Isa Bala, said the ministry has decided to hire Villas-Boas as the new Super Eagles coach because they really need to win the world cup in 2014.
Bala said, “I don’t think Stephen Keshi can lead the great Super Eagles into winning this upcoming world cup. He already showed his fears when he threatened to abandon the team if they should be in the same group as Brazil.

Well, thank God we were put in a good group but what if we are lucky to win our matches and then still later end up facing Brazil? For this reason , we have decided to hire the former Tottenham coach to help us. We thank God for allowing him to get sacked after Suarez beat Tottenham 5-0 on Sunday.
Continue Reading>> ANDRE VILLAS-BOAS TO COACH SUPER EAGLES AT 2014 WORLD CUP

What are your thoughts on this ? LOL

A newly wedded man, Uzondu Charles, from Imo state contacted Hot Swen Media today with claims that his newly wedded wife, Anita, is a fish.
Mr Charles said “I dated Anita for two years before we finally decided to tie the nuptial knot. While we were dating, Anita was a strong advocate of ‘No Sex before marriage’ so we never got down. I remember vividly when we went to an eatery and I ordered for two big fish garnished with tomatoes and onions ,Anita angrily ran out of the place. When I asked her the reason for her action, she said she was horrified to see humans treat fish with so much cruelty, but I didn't get the message then.

Just two days ago, after our wedding reception and church service, I and Anita were alone in the house. It was supposed to be our wedding night and our first night getting down but when I entered into the room, I saw Anita surrounded by so many fish and the whole room was flooded with water. Her head had also been transformed into fish's head”.
The problem now is that Mr Uzondu is confused, see why here >> MAN DISCOVERS HIS WIFE IS A FISH ON WEDDING NIGHT

Akpos was coming out from the church after service, and the preacher was standing at the door as usual to shake hands.

He grabbed Akpos by the hand and pulled him aside. The Pastor said to him,"You need to join the Army of the Lord!"

Akpos replied, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor."
The Pastor questioned, "How come I don't see you except during Harvest and weddings?"

Akpos whispered back, "Shh I'm an undercover agent!"

For exclusive jokes >> Hot Swen Dot Com

Many Nigerians have always wondered who the mystery man behind the mask is. Lagbaja is a popular Nigerian artist with several songs to his name.

He is known for his unique costume which includes a mask to cover his face. Lagbaja however, broke defiled the mask tradition by taking off his mask at the Hot Swen concert on Friday in honour of the Late Nelson Mandela.

The musician was said to have been heavily drunk before he climbed the stage to entertain his fans. While he was singing, many of his female fans were shouting,” take off your mask, take it off” .
Everybody was shocked when he suddenly took the sacred mask off.

His management team however, immediately ended their contract with him claiming that he had signed an agreement never to take his mask off in public as that was his selling point.


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See picture below

[img]http://4.bp..com/-rA874Px9SlM/UqySz4dGxlI/AAAAAAAABfE/5xgGaTgSOb8/s1600/lagbaja1.jpg[/img]

LAGBAJA TAKES MASK OFF TO HONOUR NELSON MANDELA

The Okpekete master, Kingsley Chinweike Okonkwo aka Kcee, attended Tolu Primary school , Ajegunle Lagos then proceeded to Central High School , Isolo and later University of Nigeria, Nsuka.

Hot Swen Media was able to have a brief interview with the Limpopo crooner at his Ikoyi mansion and here is what he had to say about himself.

“My name is Kcee, many people refer to me as the Limpopo or okpekete master. A lot of people have been asking me for the meaning of Limpopo but I really can’t tell them right now because it’s something very nasty. I will reveal the meaning much later when I must have left music for the small boys. As for Okpekete, it means rat. I see women as rats so I like to call my women Okpeke or okpekete, meaning rat. About my brother, E-Money, well, he has been very supportive, though I don’t know where he made so much money from but I know he is very rich and he has been helping me a lot. “

When asked about his former musical partner, Presh, Kcee said he doesn’t know where Presh is currently but he doubts if he’s still into music because he remembers him mentioning that he was a very good farmer some time ago.
See Kcee's Oil Company >> KCEE LIMPOPO EXPOSED

A man appeared in one village and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for $10.
The villagers seeing that there were many monkeys around their village, they went out to the forest and started catching them.
The man bought thousands at $10. When supply started to diminish, he again announced that he would now buy at $20. This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again. Soon the supply diminished again. The man then increased the offer rate to $25 but now the supply of monkeys became so little that it was an effort to even see a monkey, let alone catching it!
The man announced that he would now buy at $100! and, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now buy on his behalf . In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers "Look..all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has bought.......I will sell them to you at $75 and when the man returns from the city, you can sell it to him for $100. The villagers squeezed up with all their savings and bought all the monkeys.
After they bought all the monkeys, they never saw the man and his assistant again, only monkeys everywhere!!!.....
Indeed, Welcome to the "Stock" Market.

For more stuffs like this check out >> Hot Swen Dot Com

The Nigerian senate just passed a new bill into law to reduce the number of insults constantly being rained on President Jonathan. The law states that anyone found guilty of calling the Nigerian president uncomplimentary names on social media would be arrested and sent to jail for 15 years without facing the law court.
The senate spokesman, Senator Lai Oni, said President Jonathan is not happy with the way people abuse him on social media all the time. According to the senator, President Jonathan challenges anybody who is man enough to face him in person and stop hiding behind the curtains of social networks. In his words, “If dem born your papa well come insult me for my face na”.
The federal government has set up a social networking committee headed by one of Nigeria’s former presidents.
Continue Reading >> YOU MIGHT SPEND 15 YEARS IN JAIL IF YOU INSULT PRESIDENT JONATHAN AGAIN

The Central American country of Costa Rica has expressed a desire to move into the computer era.
President Kiko Sombrero met with his two chief advisers and they discussed the possibility of a name change.
The president stated that he truly feels that Costa Rica will be a lot better off if they anglicized their name from the Spanish Costa Rica to the English version Rich Coast.
He pointed out that when the name is said in English it suddenly becomes a very powerful name with nothing but positive connotations.
President Sombrero admitted that basically it boils down to being a case of a country simply outgrowing its name.

A Costa Rican research study was recently made and 53 percent of the people were for the name change, 34 percent were against it, and 13 percent remarked that they would like the name changed to Banana Land.

SOURCE>> COSTA RICA CHANGES NAME

“To keep pace with our growth plans, we have decided to hire school kids for our Victoria Island Office. Currently our headquarters in V.I is understaffed, we have only about twelve workers there handling the work that should be done by over one hundred people so we have decided to hire primary school kids” the company said in a statement here on Tuesday.
Asked as to why they have targeted primary school kids instead of fresh engineering graduates, the MTN spokesperson said, “Well, there are basically three important reasons. First, the work currently done at MTN as a whole doesn't require an employee to think, all our employees do is advertise promos like, win a brand new aeroplane in the mtn fly and win promo, win a Porsche car, etc and I think primary school pupils can handle that .”

“Secondly,5-10 year old kids can be easily manipulated, which is very difficult in case of 20-30 year old’s -they just don’t listen. With engineering degrees in their pocket, they come with aspirations of doing some wonders in their career and this creates a problem, as company aspirations don’t match with theirs. What we need in employees is that they don’t question us back, they just obey our instructions”

"Finally, when our unsatisfied subscribers call our customer care lines and a baby answers their call, they will know that they are supposed to solve their network issues by themselves and stop disturbing MTN " he added.

You should see this>> MTN NIGERIA TO HIRE SCHOOL KIDS TO MEET CLIENT DEMANDS

JustGuy: What a joke!!!!!! To start wit: does "Hot Swen TV" exit?

It is coming soon. for now : HotSwen.com

This are five very hilarious pictures of head replacement. Lol
I am allowed to upload only four pictures here so go and see the fifth hilarious picture here >> TOP 5 PICS OF THE DAY : HILARIOUS HEAD REPLACEMENT

The Federal government of Nigeria announced on Hot Swen TV today that no child in the country must be seen playing the popular police and thief game.
The game is very popular amongst Nigerian children in which they divide themselves into two groups, first group is a police group and the other group represents the thieves. The thieves hide somewhere then the police group searches for them and act like they are shooting them with two of their fingers when they find them whilst others use gun-like materials

In a live broadcast on Hot Swen TV today, the country’s president said that this is a major security threat to the country as most of this children grow up into professional armed robbers. “This armed robbers are so sophisticated that our police cannot handle them , they kill police men like chickens , I am sure they have been practicing since when they were children , the problem is that the ones that play police don’t pursue that career but the children that play thief pursue their own career in stealing “ the president said .

Any child found playing police and thief from now on, the thieves group will be arrested while the police group will be enrolled into the police college for further training


FG ODERS ARREST OF CHILDREN PLAYING POLICE AND THIEF

A Nigerian man has been arrested in America for bringing a naked horse to the racing field . Mr Akpors Edet from Warri in Nigeria might be facing up to a 12 year jail term for what the Americans term as indecent exposure .Mr Akpors was visiting the United states for the first time and was not aware of most of their rules . He was invited over by his younger brother who believes he might be more useful to himself over there.

The American police has charged Mr Akpors for indecent exposure (bringing a naked horse to a public place) and violating the right of the horse to privacy .The Texas state cowboy team was holding a horse racing competition where the winning horse’s owner goes home with $10,000.00.Mr Akpors decided to take his brother’s horse for this competition.
Continue Reading >>MAN ARRESTED FOR BRINGING NAKED HORSE TO RACING FIELD

presents Hot Swen Top Ten Facts - Part 2

1. A baby's first poo on average is 8 feet long.. Taller than an adult human

2. The internet has killed more humans than all the wars in history

3. "Laser" is an acronym for Last Attack Seen Ever ( The "R" was a mistake)

4. It can take as long as 1 hr, 30 mins to hard-boil a woman's brain

5. 70% of people suffer from Jonaphobia,the fear of not having shoes.

6. Mosquito bites can cause the human bone to dissolve.

7. Tokephobia-Fear of not attending parties..

8. Fanta had difficulty marketing the soft drink in Danish speaking countries, where "Fanta" roughly translates to "Let's have sex."

9. Weird MC is the "father" of 3 children born to 3 different women in just one month..

10. Mark Zuckerberg, the founder of Facebook,makes ten thousand dollars every time a new person joins Facebook..

You should not miss this also: Hot Swen Top Ten Facts - Part 1

Akpos entered a public toilet.

As he started to do his business a voice from the next toilet said; Hi! how are you doing?.

Embarrassed, Akpos replied; I'm doing fine.

The voice said; So what are you up to?

Akpos said; Just doing the usual thing same as you.

The voice asked; Can I come over?.

Feeling angry, Akpos replied; sorry I'm busy right now.

The voice said; Listen, I will call you back later. There's an idiot next door answering all my questions.

One word for Akpos ?

You should not miss this also: Top Ten Rejection Lines From Women

According to the Special Adviser to the President on Foreign Affairs, Mr Henry Abati, President Jonathan has set up a three-man panel to investigate the demise of the great African Legend, Nelson Mandela.
Mr Abati said the panel will be chaired by former Health Minister, Dr George Nwabueze and will include the National Security Adviser, Colonel Daniel Osakwe, and Air Vice Marshal Paul Dike. The panel is to find out how Nelson Mandela died and whether his death followed due process or not. "Nelson Mandela was no doubt a very great man and the greatest legend to ever come out of Africa. He was a great lover of his people and he stood for truth at all times. He will be greatly missed by Africans and the world at large.
Continue Reading >> President Jonathan Sets up Panel to Investigate Nelson Mandela’s Death

The , All Progressives Congress (APC) has charged the Police and the general public to hold opposition party Peoples Democratic Party (PDP) responsible for the death of the great African legend, Nelson Mandela.

The APC, in a statement signed by its National Publicity Secretary, Chief Henry Fasasi on Friday, said the PDP has never liked the legend because he was not in support of them.
The APC chieftain said the plot was part of the grand design by PDP leaders to sell off Nigeria to British colonial masters in 2015 since they discovered that Nelson Mandela was a great advocate of Freedom.
We wish to alert the general public that this is just a tip of the iceberg of the gimmicks to be unleashed by the them. The PDP has armed over 15,000 of it's members with dangerous weapons, set to be deployed across the world to kill all those who advocate freedom and equality,” the party said.
Continue Reading >> Nelson Mandela's Death - APC Acuses PDP