₦airaland Forum

Have you ever imagined what it feels like for an ibo man to have a beautiful daughter? If you haven't then you are free to ask me anything about it because I am from ibo and what I am about to say now is 100 percent true .when an ibo man has a beautiful daughter ,all he does is to sit down with a calculator and when that happens, you know that he is trying to calculate the total amount of what he has spent on that beautiful girl including bonus and add on and once he is done,he might come up with an official price tag of 5-10 million naira excluding bonus and add on as bride price for her 18 year daughter(sometimes I dey wonder if na buy we dey buy them abi no be borrow we bin dey borrow them before? ) and this has prevented guys from getting married over the years but as for me, I have figured out a way to reduce or even take her for free if possible(hahahha) and that has been working for young guys recently.so babes, make una try tell una papa to reduce the official price wey dem Don put for una head or we will officially reduce it by given you guys a golden Fifa for belle and when that happens, you guys will officially become a free agent and you will have no other choice that to sign a free contract with us...

What do you know about

1.What do you know about approaching a girl with full morale in the name of toasting her and ended up asking her direction of a place you know too well

2.what do you know about having that friend who only comes to your house when your food is five minutes late to be served?

3. What do you know about using weed as crayfish to cook beans?

4. What do you know about killing an animal in the bush and get killed by the grand PA of the animal you killed when you wanna go pick it up. (wtf did I just say)

5. What do know about drinking too much vodka and making gutter your new home

6.What do you know about eating your shit as food when you were young

7.what do you know about being a sick and traveling president (no be me talk am ooo.)

8. What do you know about writing shit like this when you know you aren't gonna get paid.

9. What do you know about wearing a cloth that matches with the table cloth you are sitting on in a restaurant

10. What do you know about buying an iPhone 8 for your babe when you should have used the money to mould thousands of blocks for your house (that's why young guys no get house sha)

11.what do know about drinking pure water when your babe is seriously enjoying the McDonald's you bought for her

12. Babes be like... What do you know about having an engagement ring for more than 5 year, you think say we be lord of the rings. Lol

I missed those old times

1. I remember those days when you only need few words to impress a lady but now,if you don't have money and approach a girl they will see you as a boring person even the ugly one I met few days ago wanted me to jump off the bridge before she would be impressed.

2. I remember those days when women don't use make up but today most women use a make up that weighs up to 10 thousand pounds to cover their face in the name of wearing a make up.

3. I remember those day when you can marry a beautiful woman with just palm wine and kola nut but today the minimum price of ugly girls bride price now is from 5 million and above.

4. I remember those days when women snap pix with a good and reasonable posture but today 99 percent of women pose like a donkey to get attention from a male donkey like us.

5.i remember those days when a child proudly comes into this world as Nigerian but now they have installed a country scanner in the womb so that they won't make that mistake again.

6. I remember those days when weed is just an unwanted grass that grows in a farm but now the word "weed" has turned out to be an unpleasant word in people's ear

7.lastly, I remember when the word pussy used to be cat but I don't know what stole the name from the cat.lol

Have you ever tried insulting your elder politely with blessings before? if you haven't, you must give it a try but if you ever wanna try it out, I will advice you to find a good blessing bullet proof because your own blessing will be 10 times better than mine what I collected from an elderly man yesterday when I showered him with an effective thunderous blessing . The following conversations ensued between us yesterday.
Me : good evening sir
Man : good evening my son. May God bless you my son
Me:thanks sir and may the angels of the lord send ocean of blessings on your house tonight
Man : which house? You Wan make them spoil my house with water abi. I no need that kind water blessing abeg.
Me : may caterpillar of blessings crush you this week
Man : that caterpillar go first crush you my son
Me : may the demonic ancestors that has been hindering your progress turn out to be a blessing in your life
Man : I wish you the same
Me: may the suicide bomber blessings locate you anywhere you go
Man: (the blessing too much that he couldn't contain it,he landed an anointed blessed 6 inches block on my head

IMAGINE .............
Yesterday when i was reading the bible about how God removed 24 out of a possible 48 ribs from Adam to create eve, after reading that portion of the bible, i was moved by a powerful spirit and my eyes were opened to see what i havent seen before, i sat on the floor with my hand on my chin thinking and imagining what men could have done with the 48 ribs if it wasnt removed . seriously we could have made alot of money from selling one or two to pay our bills and more lives could have been saved from the kidney sellers to inteded selling their kidney to complete their iphone 7 payment, they could have focused more on selling their ribs first instead than risking their lives selling one of their kidneys to complete their iphone 7 payment. i no fit shout again

That awkward moment when my banana mistakenly fell on her

I wish we could go back when eve convinced Adam to eat that satanic apple in the garden or eden. If say Adam na Black guy from naija( ibo man) we no for dey for this kind sufferness we dey today. This would have been the conversation between eve and Adam if Adam na ibo man.

(Adams comes back from hunting)

Eve : Welcome back my love

Adam: thanks my angel

Eve : how did it go? I know you must been very tired and hungry?

Adam : yes my dear. What did you prepare my love?

Eve : I didn't prepare anything but I plucked some apples from the garden for you my king. I know you would love it.

Adam : apple for who? I told you that I am Hungry and you want me to eat an apple as food ? Bia! Woman,You and who go chop apple? Go and Use that Bush meat and prepare egwusi soup do eba for me Jare.


(This could have prevented him from eating the satanic apple)

Nigeria is so talented that they now have specialist of something other countries dont have. The following talents are and how to contact them.

1. Profession : Professional kidnapper A. K. A. ministry of kidnapping affair

Founder :Dr. Evans.

Date of establishment : 2010

Net worth : over 100 billion naira

Number for quick kidnapping please calling :+234894454643

2. Profession: Suicide bombers or bokoharam brothers association

Founder: mohammed yusuf

Date of establishment : 2009

Choose the location of where you want the bomb to be dropped and call this hot line : +234 813 8238412

3.Profession : money laundering

Founder : politicians

Date of establishment : 2 days after our independence in 1960

To move your stolen money please call this number...... : the dont have one number, just prepare the money they will call you back. Lol

4.Profession:Rape consultant

Founder : Mr. isco cruz

Date of establishment : just few minutes ago

For your fast raping service please call this number now
: 0078286871 865

And finally the fast and most purchased natural leaf in Nigeria and all over the world.....

5. Profession :Weed seller (cooking or for smoking)

Founder : Nigeria natural leaf association

Date of establishment : since Adam came to this world

Number : please contact the nearest bunk available in your area

True life story.

Na recently I sabi say Facebook and Twitter are demonic, e be like say Na dem dey sponsor small demons like amadioha, babalowo etc.

Yesterday when I was chatting with a friend on Facebook, a notification came in and when I clicked on it I was a so sacred because the notification says " Amadioha like you on Facebook " but after few minutes I was calm and forgot everything about it because it's the the first time Facebook don threaten me with that kind message but what happened this evening will make me quit Facebook and Twitter tonight after addressing this important issue to the public because this is really getting out of hands. Few minutes when I came back after a hectic day, a notification came in immediately I dropped my phone to get some sleep but when I clicked on the notification this time, it was twitter and not Facebook but with a different scary message that says '' Amadioha just followed you on Twitter ". Na only me dey for Facebook and Twitter abi na only me una see for social media ? In fact I Don quit Facebook and Twitter so if you wanna talk to me rush now and collect my bbm pin.

Naija babes are so polite that they now eat fufu with a fork in public but eat with their hands at home. Lol. # deceiving us since 1890#

have you tried a new stuff lately? well for me i have some new stuffs this year like
1. smoking a left over weed my granpa hide under his bed

2. i prepared rice and stew with cocaine for the first time ever and we woke up after 8 days of eating the delicious meal

3. i made my girlfriend miss her period for the first time ever( world record)

4.i sucked directly from the original

5. i arranged my kidnap wth my friends so that my papa go spend some naira.

that awkward moment when i heard that buhari don travel to London for extra treatment. is he actually the TRAVELLING PRESIDENT nigerians have been look for over the years?

na this kind of audition dey coma or cause mysterious death for family.lol what a rapid fainting.

judge: good evening and welcome to naija got talent 2017

ochuko: good evening

judge:whats your name and where are you from ?

ochuko: my name is ochuko a.k.a Ak 47 from warri.

judge: how old are you ?

ochuko: i am 5 years old

judge: who did you come with ?

ochuko: i came with my parents and aunty julie my mom"s best friend

judge: okay.if you miraculously win it, what are you gonna do with it?

ochuko: i will buy a dog , buy a tooth brush for my dad and ........

judge: and what ?

ochuko: and i will buy aunty julie my moms best friend a dress too because i realized ; that whenever she is with my dad,she doesnt put on clothes. his parents and aunty julie were rushed to coma

do you know what it feels like to have a burning nyash? if no then you guys must try out mama nkechi new tactics of preparing pepper soup lately.if you never try am, my brother you are on a safe side but if you wanna try it like i did yesterday, you really a fan or an air condition to cool your nyash because that pepper dey focus on your nyash only, if you dont like a burning nyash, no go there at all.

its a true life story bro,.lol they made the headline not me.

End of world cockroaches .lol
i believe they arent doing what i am thinking ? it seems this yeye cockroaches were in room when i was practicing mine last night.with that kind position i think they even did better than what i did last night.

i heard that buhari is d......

if na true abeg make una make me the new p....... of nigeria

i promise you you guy that Nigeria petrol price will be at constant rate of 1500 naira per liter

if una no gree then make una get ready for more boko haram brothers before August , i dey talk about the trained boko haram not all these yeye malam wey dey use homemade bomb ,my own trianed boko haram go dey use hydrogen bomb, missiles and ak 47 (new version)

i don talk finish .......... be wise