₦airaland Forum

GodLovingMe2020:
I had the same experience for 24 long years with a woman who was “madly in Love” but now claims to have no emotional attachment to me. The worse part was that she won’t leave my house so I could get on with my life. I couldn’t throw her out because she is the mother of my children. No sex, no affection, we were not sleeping in the same bedroom, we never had any discussion as a couple.

We used to go to church together, and from the outside it looked as if we were an ideal couple. Only my children knew what was happening in our home.

I am the breadwinner even though I registered her to study law, sponsored her law education and today she is a lawyer. I bought two cars fir her and did many many things for her. She had the audacity to open her mouth to tell me she never loved me. I asked her, so why did you marry me? She said, “Can’t you marry somebody you don’t love?” That was about six years ago. She said the only person she ever loved was a fellow youth corper she met while doing her youth service, before I met her. She wanted to continue with the guy after youth service, but the guy had other plans and told her to move on.

When I met her, she was struggling in life but I offered to help her since I had a very good job and earning a fantastic salary. Just last December, she told me she was traveling to see her people and that was the last time I saw her. I understand she has a job at her place, but her things are still in my place. Her people have not called me to ask anything.

The things some men go through at the hands of women.....,,,,,,........

Same thing I said some minutes ago. These women eh. Op too must have led the guy to believe she loved him so much, only for her to now feel love been no dey before. May God never bring such women into my life. Even if they come, may my spiritual eyes sef through their deceit so I can prevent this shamble of a marriage with such a lady

EagleNest:
I still think the marriage can work if the op so decides. She need to agree first, for it to work as it appears to me she'd wanted OUT all these while? See my dear, you are not the only one on earth that had parental incursions when it comes to marriage decision but many have ALLOWED theirs to work. I dislike the idea of parents deciding on who their kids should marry, it doesn't always work well in this social media generation.

From hindsight, if I were the husband I wouldn't have gone along with the marriage if I'd sensed the girl is not corporating. These are what courtship tries to check & solve. Because at the end it is two of you that will live together, not the parents or siblings.

And now, with the marriage in doldrums, what is the husband thinking? Being an intelligent man as the wife alludes, how is he going on without sex for 3years and loveless wife? What efforts has he made? Who has he told about this predicament? How did they conceive their only child in the first place?

Likewise the op, she wouldn't have agreed to this marriage if she doesn't like the guy. However, this your husband is not a man from nowhere, he was already your friend - depending on how you define 'friendship '. Is there anything else about him than he is not your ideal man! Look, we all had one or two near misses in our pursuit of life and perfection, but we don't dwell on it this long. If it doesn't go exactly our preferred way, we do make the best out of it and life goes on. Don't kill yourself for nothing.

Your moniker says 'girlwhocares'. My dear charity begins at home. Start first by letting the past go! And start working out for the future of your family. Give your husband 'care'. If you sow 'care' to your husband, will you not reap 'care' as well and vice versa.

Finally, do NOT think of divorcing your husband for the inadequacies of the past. No marriage is perfect! The fault is not his and he has endured beyond an average man can endure. You need to come down and think, put yourself in his shoes, if it is the other way round how will you feel. You are still young, and the wound of the past due to your loyalty to your parent, should go pls.

Give this marriage another chance and work on letting the past go. Wipe your memory board of the past, clean up and start writing a new positive future. Positive things will start attracting itself to you.

How I wish I could communicate to the man, I could give him tips to refresh this marriage and brighten it up.

This marriage is dead and gone to the grave. Nothing can revive it. Plus, sometimes, ladies pretend like they're really into you. The husband may never have known that she didn't wanna marry him

Omar09:
This should be directed to the OP not me. I am not the one with the problem.

You were the one blaming her husband, even she didn't do that. Follow the advice so you don't go blaming your husband when the marriage don tire you

lynx200:
@Girlwhocares I commend you for being honest with yourself as so many people keep on lying to themselves all their lives. That is a good sign that you want a solution.

We all want to be happy and satisfied with our lives. Its so unfortunate that most people have been conditioned to jettison happiness and instead bear with a bad situation, something that is bound to make anyone miserable. From what you've said, you're not comfortable with your husband no matter what he does. Staying put in such a situation can make anyone crazy. Even with all the patchworks, with the bad foundation from the start, the best you will do is just to bear with each other and obviously you've done a lot of that over the years. So I will advice that you divorce the guy immediately. People might say that's harsh but think about this, can you bear another 3 years of no intimacy and a loveless relationships if you can't bear this guy?

I have seen people stay in marriages where they are not happy and eventually they end up miserable. My late mother is a good example of this. Don't let this be your fate @Girlwhocares. You have a right to be happy and to be whatever you want to be in this life. It's for everyone and not just for kids as many adults think. You have to love yourself instead of just being a washboard for other peoples' wishes. The one way you can have happiness in your life and stop being depressed is undoing your mistake by separating from your husband.

Divorce instead. The marriage don end since, she should stop delaying official annulment

machiavelli95:
Genesis 6 verse 4. Use ESV. Research more about the terms nephilim.

There's nothing in that verse that suggests that spiritual husband or wife. Pastors just make this up

machiavelli95:
The term "spiritual husband/wife" is a crude lingo used to describe incubus/succubus demon spirits which can have operations in the soulish realm of a human being manifesting as sexual activity in the dream sometimes even causing physical manifestations. Remember the sex act causes a union of souls as well as body (he who is joined with a harlot is one flesh with her and the term "flesh" is used to describe the material body and the faculties of the soul).
These things are real and not folklore.
Its quite common in places with a high influence of water/marine spirits.

Use a bible verse to support these theories of yours please

spiralwedge:
It's good you're seeking help early. I didn't. I patched silently till the 10th year. At that we have both lost our minds and finally separated, something we should have done earlier. So, please walk out now before it's too late. Kids will always be alright, if you provide adequately for them including your time.

I hope she sees this.

Obiagu01:
first of,you need not keep secret in any relationship.because when you do,you have in a sort of way created a mental island for yourself,where even if you are getting hurt by the emotion attached to that secret,you will choose to drown in it alone instead of letting someone help.but the truth is,your husband loves and understands you.and for him not to have bailed out of the marriage from the first page of you not reciprocating his love means that he is understanding and ready to walk into that trouble world that you have built for yourself once you open the door.I advice you to let go of the past.focus on making the present beautifully positive and your future will be full o happiness.I repeat,let go of the past.there's issues a book I will advice you to read.it is titled "the secret the power"by Rhonda Byrne.show love to where there's no love,and you will harvest a bounty of positive outcome.good luck.

The man is a fool. Simple. It's that same love and understanding that will emotionally finish him. Even God ONLY draws close to those who draws close to him.

Kessykelly:
This is the best advice, stick with this @Op.

The only best advice is DIVORCE. Every other advice apart from divorce is just delaying the inevitable. This marriage is over a long time ago. It just needs to be officially annulled. She should save herself and free the poor man

Goldencheese:
I am just giving you a standing ovation where I am now. With this mentality, haa, you will go far, scaling multiple, multiple heights.

Have an amazing day and awesome life ahead of you.

I always tell people, I CAN COMFORTABLY MARRY ANY WOMAN (EXCEPT ONE WITH SERIOUS CHARACTER FLAWS). As long as she is a good woman, I would grow to love her as time passes. I don't deceive myself into thinking that I must find one I'm seriously attracted to. Attraction fades. Infatuation ends. It's only the will to stay put in a relationship that matters. If the will is there, marriage don set be that

machiavelli95:
I was suspecting spiritual husband. I've similarly seen a case like this. The man would literally get knocked off the bed and also experience serious as luck whenever he sleeps with his wife. Moreover, the wife had zero attraction for the husband.

There is nothing like spiritual husband. Which bible verse mentions anything that suggests spiritual husband? It's cheating and nothing else

machiavelli95:
Please tell us the reason. Let young men here learn

So you don't know that the woman's ex is knacking her steady abi? Lol. That is the only reason she isn't feeling this marriage of hers

BlogRabbit:
This is exactly the reason many marriages fail these days.

[s]Not marrying who they love but marrying who is ready[/s] or just for a physical trait which may leave the person at any stated time.

This is wrong wrong to marry for such reasons.

Spits on the floor�

The problem is NOT MARRYING WHO THEY ARE COMMITTED TO STAYING WITH FOR THE REST OF THEIR LIVES. Love is a decision you make, it's not a feeling. When you are committed to staying with someone for life, you stay put and make it work even when the feeling of attraction isn't that strong.

Goldencheese:
You deserve a hug for this. Love is a decision. It's not a whim, a fantasy, just a feeling, just an emotion....but a lot of people don't even know it. Someone even mentioned that why should the OP be in a relationship with someone for 15 years. Her ex must be wicked. OP, you sound like a good woman...happiness is not something you get from others, it flows from the inside out...

Thanks @Dyt.

The moment people realize that love is a decision, the better for them. Many naive ones feels it's just a feeling one has.

crackkhaus:
As much as your words might seem harsh, I'm inclined to add a like and a share to it.

I can't believe people are petting her.

Divorce the man already mehn..he will definitely be better for it because I don't see how she is helping/contributing to his life. No sex for years, no emotional support, no addition to his overall growth, NOTHING.
Just sitting there like a fvcking light fixture feeling like she's doing him a favour by staying married to him, acting like the victim, when in fact she is the antichrist herself.

Seriously, people petting her here are unbelievable. The only victim in this trash talk of hers is HER HUSBAND. I pity the man

Do you really think for a second that Op is interested in making that marriage work? Hell no. The only best advice here is DIVORCE, NOT EVEN SEPARATION. I just wish I have her husband's contact, I'd have talked sense into him. This hell hole he put himself into would be wound him emotionally. He is the victim here

superlanny:
Forget all the negative comments here, even tho you might deserve them, you don't need it at this stage, the deed has been done and it's how to be happy you are looking for, it's a tough one and my best advice is for you to find a way to sit him down and talk to him one on one, heart to heart, all what you are telling us here, tell him, he is your husband, he deserves to be happy too.
Communication is something that if you get wrong in any relationship, can be disastrous, so it's best you guys talk and fashion out a way to solve this, if he truly love you like you say, and if you love him too, or trying to, den you guys should give yourselves another chance to fall in love, with yourselves all over again.
I hope it all ends well. Have a nice day.

Omar09:
Attraction is different from love. And I never made love my major point. Read and understand ubunja, you guys will not. Ubunja said something on chosen. And that chosen is based on attraction. It was obvious that the man chose the OP and the OP did not make it clear to him that it won't work. Read my first comment on this issue with understanding, then come back.

Everyone was blaming the girl, but no one blamed the man. If the man knew better, will he further his quest on landing a heart that isn't there? I blame the man for not seeing things that boldly said HE SHOULD HAVE REMAINED FRIENDS WITH HER and not marry her. He chose her and this is where it took him. It took him to a place where he has to fight constantly to validate her love for him and also validate his love for her. A tough battle if you asked me. Assuming the OP chose him, she wouldn't be here and that family will be a happy union.

Marriage is a two man race. If one party isn't interested, let the other know. Don't start blaming him or her that she or he pushed you into it. No one can truly sense who loves him or her, we cant read hearts. So yes, it's all on her. If she had said no initially and he still pushed for the union, na different thing. Let's learn to hold people accountable please and stop throwing blames. I only blame the man for still staying put in that hell hole. I for don run 6 months after I noticed she was distant. Again, like I said, marriage is not a thing of attraction or love. It's a binding contract that two people have signed. If she wants to make the marriage work, she can. Unfortunately, she isn't interested in this union or any union for that matter.

4ckz:
Divorcing the poor guy would be the best gift to him, and she admitted the guy dey try make am work, the guy would probably be killing himself for this shit-head

But the guy ma na fool. How do you stay with a woman for 3 years without sex and still stay put in such a marriage? He deserves what he is getting cos I for don end am after 6 months

annyberry:
Dere are so many unmarried ladies out dere,b kind to move out and stop blocking some else luck wit ur husband............ U better work on ursef first bfor working on ur marriage...... Bless ur soul dat ur husband is d patience type oda men would av returned u back to ur parents house..........u better b guided

Exactly. She isn't ready for marriage. She should divorce the guy and let someone else have him

Omar09:
Until you understand “Attraction” of men and women, you will still find what you bolded at my comment strange. If you checked very well, you will see I blamed her very well for her part in ruining the young man's life “.... You will be labeled a bad person cause you deserve it”.

Most marriages today is by force. Either the man is forcing himself on her or the woman is forcing herself to love him.

The moment you realize that love plays only a very minute fraction in marriage, the better for you. Even if she married that ex she claims to love, this same woman would not be satisfied. Las las, marriage is not for everybody and clearly, it isn't for this lady

4ckz:
Anyone who have related with women well enough will know it's the looks. They never admit it, sometimes they won't even admit it to their selves.

When ever I hear things like, "that guy is good, but I don't love him", I don know say the guy worwor

It's easy to sense this tbh. And as u said, she's probably even deceiving herself that that's not it. Deep down, that is the problem. She should just let the guy go. This marriage is dead already

4ckz:
Love is a decision, has always been, will always be, you have never decided to love him.

And I can bet, the entirety of the problem is his looks, you might try to deny it, na you sabi, I have a lot of female friends (even married ones) and I know how much looks mean to them.

In life you don't get all you want, you sacrifice the lesser want for the greater want, but you, I can bet you want his personality with the looks of your 15 yr ol ex.


YOU ARE VERY WICKED AND SELFISH.

No long talk bro. You're very correct. Na him looks be the problem. All this talk na okoto meow skrrr skrr

You're just not cut out for marriage. Even if you married that ex of yours, you wee still fall out of love. Just divorce this husband of yours and be single. You'd be happier, I promise you

dangoteinlaw:
The X is just the 8plus with the camera tilted 90degress clockwise, no much difference in functionality infact the 8plus is one of iPhone best phones where more features came in. The X only focused on reducing screen size.

In other words, the X is the better phone

This thread weak me aswear. Best thread ever