ityP:



It's easy to sense this tbh. And as u said, she's probably even deceiving herself that that's not it. Deep down, that is the problem. She should just let the guy go. This marriage is dead already

annyberry:
Dere are so many unmarried ladies out dere,b kind to move out and stop blocking some else luck wit ur husband............ U better work on ursef first bfor working on ur marriage...... Bless ur soul dat ur husband is d patience type oda men would av returned u back to ur parents house..........u better b guided

4ckz:


Divorcing the poor guy would be the best gift to him, and she admitted the guy dey try make am work, the guy would probably be killing himself for this shit-head

Girlwhocares:


Well,he's not taking care of my bills,i make my own money but he's responsible in his own lil way.
Thank you.

Girlwhocares:


Yes,I accept my mistake for going into the marriage when i knew i was not not totally into him but i was made to believe love wasnt enough and one can grow in feelings and love in marriage.

crackkhaus:

As much as your words might seem harsh, I'm inclined to add a like and a share to it.

I can't believe people are petting her.

Divorce the man already mehn..he will definitely be better for it because I don't see how she is helping/contributing to his life. No sex for years, no emotional support, no addition to his overall growth, NOTHING.
Just sitting there like a fvcking light fixture feeling like she's doing him a favour by staying married to him, acting like the victim, when in fact she is the antichrist herself.

ityP:



But the guy ma na fool. How do you stay with a woman for 3 years without sex and still stay out in such a marriage? He deserves what he is getting cos I for don end am after 6 months

ityP:

The moment you realize that love plays only a very minute fraction in marriage, the better for you. Even if she married that ex she claims to love, this same woman would not be satisfied. Las las, marriage is not for everybody and clearly, it isn't for this lady

Girlwhocares:
Please help me, I'm loosing my sanity everyday!
I'm scared to open up to friends and families because of what they will think or how disappointed or bad I will make them feel, also I'm afraid people will be judgemental about my actions.

I'm not physically and emotional connected with my husband which is affecting our marriage and my well-being, we live as co-tenant, we hardly have any conversation, we do things differently, we share different rooms, no sex for the past 3 years! Even during courtship and the fist two years of marriage I can account for days we were intimate.

Things are fallen out of place everyday, we have a child together who will be 4yrs and the thought of having another child has not crossed my mind.

I get irritated at everything, I hardly show appreciation towards him even if it means he has done his best, which later i will find myself guilty and try to make up but the spark and connection isn't just there.

Most times, I have a non-challant attitude towards him and everything he does to make me happy.

I feel lonely, bored and incomplete even when I'm 90% sure my husband loves me and always ready to make me happy.

I feel awkward communicating my feelings and thoughts to him because I know I might flare up with anger even when he hasn't done or said anything to warrant it.

Please I have come to this faceless forum to pour out my mind, my heart is heavy, I need someone to talk to, I'm afraid my personal intention of walking out this marriage even when my husband hasn't done anything to deserve this might backfire and has its negative effect on our child.

I honestly don't need anyone to insult me please as I'm going through a lot. All i need is mature married wo(men) opinions

Thank you for your time.

Girlwhocares:


Thank you so much ma
I really appreciate your contribution and I will work on it.

More wisdom and blessings to you.

darediamond:
Just as it is always said that Women ACT BEFOTE THEY THINK.

SEPARATION is the advice generally being given to you now which ypu will REGRET LATER IF YOU YIELD TO IT OP.

Your Dad saved you from Possible Future Marital Life Agonies by not allowing you to marry your said first Love but you failed to see that.

You are better start praying now to God to remove Spirit of Matrimony Breaker from your Home.

Okurin po lode SUGBON, OKO WON OO!

Bankowner:
Take my advice, seek an independent counselor or therapist. You cannot get the solution you need without talking to someone who won't judge you while you open up.

If you are the church type, and you can trust your pastor or his wife enough to talk to, then take your matter to him/her.The beauty of it is you can always love your husband if only you let yourself.

Girlwhocares:


Yes,I accept my mistake for going into the marriage when i knew i was not not totally into him but i was made to believe love wasnt enough and one can grow in feelings and love in marriage.

Girlwhocares:


I have opened up to two counsellors to seek for their professional therapy but they ended up been biased and sentimental,hence their involvement was fruitless.

However,there's no harm in trying another therapist who will more professional in his/her dealings.

Thank you so much for the suggestions and i will surely look into it.

Girlwhocares:


He's highly intelligent which is a great turn on for me in any relationship,we never dated,but we were good friends!
The issue of us getting married was as a result of making his intention known to my people which they accepted all cos he was a good guy whom my mum said he knows he will never treat me wrong!
Yes,i accepted to marry him not for love cos all through our friendship i never see us as lovers but i thought i will overcome all the anxieties and will grow to love him as we grow together(what my mum made me understand)now
I have been struggling with feelings of loving him and its isnt just adding up.

Girlwhocares:
Please help me, I'm loosing my sanity everyday!
I'm scared to open up to friends and families because of what they will think or how disappointed or bad I will make them feel, also I'm afraid people will be judgemental about my actions.

I'm not physically and emotional connected with my husband which is affecting our marriage and my well-being, we live as co-tenant, we hardly have any conversation, we do things differently, we share different rooms, no sex for the past 3 years! Even during courtship and the fist two years of marriage I can account for days we were intimate.

Things are fallen out of place everyday, we have a child together who will be 4yrs and the thought of having another child has not crossed my mind.

I get irritated at everything, I hardly show appreciation towards him even if it means he has done his best, which later i will find myself guilty and try to make up but the spark and connection isn't just there.

Most times, I have a non-challant attitude towards him and everything he does to make me happy.

I feel lonely, bored and incomplete even when I'm 90% sure my husband loves me and always ready to make me happy.

I feel awkward communicating my feelings and thoughts to him because I know I might flare up with anger even when he hasn't done or said anything to warrant it.

Please I have come to this faceless forum to pour out my mind, my heart is heavy, I need someone to talk to, I'm afraid my personal intention of walking out this marriage even when my husband hasn't done anything to deserve this might backfire and has its negative effect on our child.

I honestly don't need anyone to insult me please as I'm going through a lot. All i need is mature married wo(men) opinions

Thank you for your time.

Omar09:


Attraction is different from love. And I never made love my major point. Read and understand ubunja, you guys will not. Ubunja said something on chosen. And that chosen is based on attraction. It was obvious that the man chose the OP and the OP did not make it clear to him that it won't work. Read my first comment on this issue with understanding, then come back.

Everyone was blaming the girl, but no one blamed the man. If the man knew better, will he further his quest on landing a heart that isn't there? I blame the man for not seeing things that boldly said HE SHOULD HAVE REMAINED FRIENDS WITH HER and not marry her. He chose her and this is where it took him. It took him to a place where he has to fight constantly to validate her love for him and also validate his love for her. A tough battle if you asked me. Assuming the OP chose him, she wouldn't be here and that family will be a happy union.

Have you tried DECIDING to LOVE him
Like someone told me
Love is a decision
And I realised it is too

Dyt:
@girlwhocares

Have you tried DECIDING to LOVE him?

Like someone told me
Love is a decision
And I realised it is too

The advices you got are people's present opinion
Some could be brutal other days and some could be nice too

In all honesty
No one treats someone that loves and respect you that much in the way you treating that man.

If you know you can't reciprocate, pls end the torment
You both are going through shit

Girlwhocares:


Yes,have been dating my bf for (15yrs)he was my first nd the only one have ever loved,our problem started when my dad said he witnessed where exhibited an unruly characters to some elders and also cos of the friends he moves with recently as at then and that he wasnt comfortable with our relationship (which i pleaded and made him understand everyone deserves another chance but cos how principled my dad was he insisted he won't consent to our union)
To be candid,this is the guy have share all my life with,he's all i wanted in a man but my dad opinion ruined our relationship.

I think seperation from my husband is all i need just for clarity sake but honestly,the more i try to make the marriage work the more i drift away from him and I dont know how to go about it.

I have visited two marriage counsellors without informing my husband all in my effort to work things but not yielding results as expected
,

crackkhaus:

As much as your words might seem harsh, I'm inclined to add a like and a share to it.

I can't believe people are petting her.

Divorce the man already mehn..he will definitely be better for it because I don't see how she is helping/contributing to his life. No sex for years, no emotional support, no addition to his overall growth, NOTHING.
Just sitting there like a fvcking light fixture feeling like she's doing him a favour by staying married to him, acting like the victim, when in fact she is the antichrist herself.

superlanny:
Forget all the negative comments here, even tho you might deserve them, you don't need it at this stage, the deed has been done and it's how to be happy you are looking for, it's a tough one and my best advice is for you to find a way to sit him down and talk to him one on one, heart to heart, all what you are telling us here, tell him, he is your husband, he deserves to be happy too.
Communication is something that if you get wrong in any relationship, can be disastrous, so it's best you guys talk and fashion out a way to solve this, if he truly love you like you say, and if you love him too, or trying to, den you guys should give yourselves another chance to fall in love, with yourselves all over again.
I hope it all ends well. Have a nice day.

crackkhaus:

As much as your words might seem harsh, I'm inclined to add a like and a share to it.

I can't believe people are petting her.

Divorce the man already mehn..he will definitely be better for it because I don't see how she is helping/contributing to his life. No sex for years, no emotional support, no addition to his overall growth, NOTHING.
Just sitting there like a fvcking light fixture feeling like she's doing him a favour by staying married to him, acting like the victim, when in fact she is the antichrist herself.