wany:

Nothing like a wicked heartless soul.you don't force people to love and be attracted to another,it has to come from the inside.men love been fooled.a lot of men really need to come woke in relationships,just because a girl steps in and do your laundry doesn't mean she loves you.you need to look deeper.

I'm sorry i forced her into the marriage. Smh

4ckz:



Anyone who have related with women well enough will know it's the looks. They never admit it, sometimes they won't even admit it to their selves.

When ever I hear things like, "that guy is good, but I don't love him", I don know say the guy worwor

My belle o

ityP:



Use a bible verse to support these theories of yours please

Genesis 6 verse 4. Use ESV. Research more about the terms nephilim.

Good day.
Its a good decision you'd come to personally realized how loving it would be if you'd agree on being nice to yourself first.

Loving you is the ultimate thing to do. After God's love for you.

Now, you'll be able to reflect same to your husband... Love you daily. Love your environment. Love him for him. Love for continuous mutual benefits as new lovers.

Be ready to have you cuddle inside your vacuumed scents of accomplishments...

You just must first love you.

Girlwhocares:
Please help me, I'm loosing my sanity everyday!
I'm scared to open up to friends and families because of what they will think or how disappointed or bad I will make them feel, also I'm afraid people will be judgemental about my actions.

I'm not physically and emotional connected with my husband which is affecting our marriage and my well-being, we live as co-tenant, we hardly have any conversation, we do things differently, we share different rooms, no sex for the past 3 years! Even during courtship and the fist two years of marriage I can account for days we were intimate.

Things are fallen out of place everyday, we have a child together who will be 4yrs and the thought of having another child has not crossed my mind.

I get irritated at everything, I hardly show appreciation towards him even if it means he has done his best, which later i will find myself guilty and try to make up but the spark and connection isn't just there.

Most times, I have a non-challant attitude towards him and everything he does to make me happy.

I feel lonely, bored and incomplete even when I'm 90% sure my husband loves me and always ready to make me happy.

I feel awkward communicating my feelings and thoughts to him because I know I might flare up with anger even when he hasn't done or said anything to warrant it.

Please I have come to this faceless forum to pour out my mind, my heart is heavy, I need someone to talk to, I'm afraid my personal intention of walking out this marriage even when my husband hasn't done anything to deserve this might backfire and has its negative effect on our child.

I honestly don't need anyone to insult me please as I'm going through a lot. All i need is mature married wo(men) opinions

Thank you for your time.

Your husband does not deserve any treatment he's getting from you, and it's sad he has to suffer for what he knows nothing about... And I think you have not developed a greater understanding of love, it's a commitment before it becomes a feeling(for ADULTS) then it's a feeling before it becomes a commitment for children and teenagers and single youth. So you need to face the reality you have passed the stage of getting all your happiness, you're now at a point of making sacrifices and commitments just like your parents did for you. Your fun should be from your husband and also that your home and family is working as it should... Other fulfillment can come from what you like to do... And remember at some point you didn't have your own money as you do now... Were you thinking about all these things at that time... that's commitment, If you don't want that ex to laugh at you, better put your shit together and build YOUR home, take RESPONSIBILITY... Men can be deceptive, If you leave your marriage to your husband you will certainly miss it and wish you just changed certain things... Make your husband workout to build a better physique among other things, 'cos I could easily assume he's not energetic and not far from having a pot belly if he's not one already, 'cos you're not physically attracted to him, except he's a dwarf then I have no advise for that.... as I don't know any remedy but I know with cardio he can look better whatever the case... Just understand that you have to face your life now... And make the most of it... It would be too personal to ask if your husband is not good in bed, which I doubt... But I believe you can work out everything and still have some fun... People always link up with their exes at some point and it's almost normal in this generation, this doesn't mean I'm comfortable with it, but then your own family should be working before doing so, the did has been done, you're married now, and you can have a better marriage if you get close to your husband, what I hate the most is making babies in marriages that won't work... If you had no child in the marriage it would have been so much easier to make a choice. Your EX might not be available anymore, or he might just be planning a payback... he may not feel exactly the same way he did for you back in the day, I know you keep picturing how it would have been perfect and so different if you married him, but life is not always what you expect, it may be far from what you expect, once you eventually hook up with him on marital grounds you would eventually see a lot has changed about him he would have outgrown certain things and lost that spark he had in his youth and see that this world is just an empty place, even if you leave your husband, don't go back to your EX, if you insist on going back to him then the problem is you, you haven't outgrown your fantasies and faced reality, your husband might have had exes too he wished he had married to, but now he's married to you and he's committed to it, that's what adults do. Every decision we make is a path that leads somewhere.. just think it through...

People are making money by the day and taking vacations to different countries in the world for FUN... You and your husband could do that with your kid, if you can save for it...

Except there is more to your marriage, in all, the decision is yours to make.

Claps. Awesome. Kindred spirit. Thank you.

ityP:



I always tell people, I CAN COMFORTABLY MARRY ANY WOMAN (EXCEPT ONE WITH SERIOUS CHARACTER FLAWS). As long as she is a good woman, I would grow to love her as time passes. I don't deceive myself into thinking that I must find one I'm seriously attracted to. Attraction fades. Infatuation ends. It's only the will to stay put in a relationship that matters. If the will is there, marriage don set be that

Ishilove:
Op what was that special reason that made you accept his marriage proposal in the first place?


Start from there first.

It might be money that attracted her or she was getting old and desperately needed a husband

Reading between the lines, a quick mental calculation puts your age above 40.

I would also assume your husband is older than you with a few years.

When you married him, you were at least 34 and him 36 at least. That puts you in your early forties at the minimum.

Given that you sound like you're still 22, I'd say your real age is below 30 and the story is fake.

Is daddytime working with you to generate all this stories? Or are you daddytime using another moniker?

Girlwhocares:
@bankowner,
Thank you so much I've been looking up for counsellor(s) online to rebook appointment with and I'm open to all critics as long as I wil yield a positive result.

Once again,thank you.

Shior, how can I unread this?

Mordecai:
Reading between the lines, a quick mental calculation puts your age above 40.

I would also assume your husband is older than you with a few years.

When you married him, you were at least 34 and him 36 at least. That puts you in your early forties at the minimum.

Given that you sound like you're still 22, I'd say your real age is below 30 and the story is fake.

Is daddytime working with you to generate all this stories? Or are you daddytime using another moniker?

Lol...

A very very funny insinuation.

You think say I dey work with/for Seun?

ThePianoGuy:
you chill up. Why will someone punish her husband with sex for three years

What will Jesus do? Heal her or give her the solutions to what ails her she is looking for or get off her thread. Can't you hear her silent screams that she needs help? Bloody Pharisees!

UjuJoan2:
It's because of situations like this that I wholly support open marriages.

Are you in an Open marriage?

By the way, do you even know what an open marriage is? Tell me. You might be thinking of something different.

OP, this is a tough one. Go see a good therapist. Here are possibilities to this.

You are probably soul-tied to your first love. So there is no room for another. This can be deprogrammed and the possibility of you opening up to loving and allowing your husband to love you can be explored.

There are perception problems, negative beliefs and thinking errors that make you act the way you do and discount all his good and exaggerate the bad. This can be rewired.

Lastly, if all these fail then divorce can and should be explored to free each other from this trauma.

If you want to explore this further you can PM me. Best wishes.

@Girlwhocares I commend you for being honest with yourself as so many people keep on lying to themselves all their lives. That is a good sign that you want a solution.

We all want to be happy and satisfied with our lives. Its so unfortunate that most people have been conditioned to jettison happiness and instead bear with a bad situation, something that is bound to make anyone miserable. From what you've said, you're not comfortable with your husband no matter what he does. Staying put in such a situation can make anyone crazy. Even with all the patchworks, with the bad foundation from the start, the best you will do is just to bear with each other and obviously you've done a lot of that over the years. So I will advice that you divorce the guy immediately. People might say that's harsh but think about this, can you bear another 3 years of no intimacy and a loveless relationships if you can't bear this guy?

I have seen people stay in marriages where they are not happy and eventually they end up miserable. My late mother is a good example of this. Don't let this be your fate @Girlwhocares. You have a right to be happy and to be whatever you want to be in this life. It's for everyone and not just for kids as many adults think. You have to love yourself instead of just being a washboard for other peoples' wishes. The one way you can have happiness in your life and stop being depressed is undoing your mistake by separating from your husband.

Another fiction.
This OP can lie. Many things didn't add up here.
Nice try anyway, people will be able to pick one lesson or the other.
Outtahere!

No need to panic. I thank God u are gradually realising urself. Although ur husband is dying slowly with what u are doing without u knowing. Soon and very soon, u will hear that he slumped and died. Then people will be shouting "very strong healthy man" without knowing that he has been taken poisons every day for the past 7years. Anyway, my advice is to be COURAGEOUS ENOUGH to take UR HUSBAND along with u to see a COUNSELOR. Good counselor will fix both u but u have to make the move first. I think ur actions are psychological from past experiences and ur HUSBAND is paying for it.

Girlwhocares:

I get irritated at everything, I hardly show appreciation towards him even if it means he has done his best, which later i will find myself guilty and try to make up but the spark and connection isn't just there.

Most times, I have a non-challant attitude towards him and everything he does to make me happy.

I feel lonely, bored and incomplete even when I'm 90% sure my husband loves me and always ready to make me happy.

I feel awkward communicating my feelings and thoughts to him because I know I might flare up with anger even when he hasn't done or said anything to warrant it.

Sounds like you dont have an iota of feelings towards him, why do you agree to marry him in the first place?

What is happening to you now is what just made the mother of my child to leave the relationship. Before she left she told me she hates me with passion and I shld let her go to her family. She wanted killing me and committing suicide. So she left and never got home. I have made consultations, they said its devil manipulation. But I am no more interested in her anymore.

machiavelli95:


Genesis 6 verse 4. Use ESV. Research more about the terms nephilim.

There's nothing in that verse that suggests that spiritual husband or wife. Pastors just make this up

Love is not some unstable feelings that come and go, love is a decision.

Those that foolishly believe that their love for their partner is blind and based on feelings, often find themselves stranded and out of love, when the illusory feelings of the so called love wears off; and trust me, it will wear off - it's just a matter of time.

This is how to love:

Know the qualities you admire and respect in a person and seek out people with such attributes and love them.

When you are asked why you love a person, have a ready and reasonable answer to give.

If you don't know why you love a person, then it is based on stupid feelings and which is a recipe for disaster. Trust me, it never ends well if it's just your so called feelings.

Now, op, from your submission, you highlighted your spouse's intelligence. Now, this is a quality to be admired and loved. If he's humorous too, then any wise woman should be totally blown away. If he's kind to you in addition, and you think you don't have so called feelings for him, then you seriously need to deprogram your mind from all those Hollywood/Bollywood fantasy nonsense they call love.

Again, love is a decision.

Be wise.

Thats what happens when you get married to who is ready and not who you love.

However, everything is your control.
Make a positive move...see him as that your secondary school crush.

My advise for you is to find out how u and ur husband connected. What connected u people in the first place. If u found it, go and reignite it.

Secondly, what is your birthday and your husband's birthday. Using astrological guide, you can find a way to reconnect your husband. Astrological guide for incompatible signs abound in the internet, you can easily Google it.

I wish u good luck

Say it clear..... your husband is most likely not rich enough to excite you and your dreams and fantasies. When he makes it tomorrow, you will start having feelings inugo

ityP:

Marriage is a two man race. If one party isn't interested, let the other know. Don't start blaming him or her that she or he pushed you into it. No one can truly sense who loves him or her, we cant read hearts. So yes, it's all on her. If she had said no initially and he still pushed for the union, na different thing. Let's learn to hold people accountable please and stop throwing blames. I only blame the man for still staying put in that hell hole. I for don run 6 months after I noticed she was distant. Again, like I said, marriage is not a thing of attraction or love. It's a binding contract that two people have signed. If she wants to make the marriage work, she can. Unfortunately, she isn't interested in this union or any union for that matter.

This should be directed to the OP not me. I am not the one with the problem.

I still think the marriage can work if the op so decides. She need to agree first, for it to work as it appears to me she'd wanted OUT all these while? See my dear, you are not the only one on earth that had parental incursions when it comes to marriage decision but many have ALLOWED theirs to work. I dislike the idea of parents deciding on who their kids should marry, it doesn't always work well in this social media generation.

From hindsight, if I were the husband I wouldn't have gone along with the marriage if I'd sensed the girl is not corporating. These are what courtship tries to check & solve. Because at the end it is two of you that will live together, not the parents or siblings.

And now, with the marriage in doldrums, what is the husband thinking? Being an intelligent man as the wife alludes, how is he going on without sex for 3years and loveless wife? What efforts has he made? Who has he told about this predicament? How did they conceive their only child in the first place?

Likewise the op, she wouldn't have agreed to this marriage if she doesn't like the guy. However, this your husband is not a man from nowhere, he was already your friend - depending on how you define 'friendship '. Is there anything else about him than he is not your ideal man! Look, we all had one or two near misses in our pursuit of life and perfection, but we don't dwell on it this long. If it doesn't go exactly our preferred way, we do make the best out of it and life goes on. Don't kill yourself for nothing.

Your moniker says 'girlwhocares'. My dear charity begins at home. Start first by letting the past go! And start working out for the future of your family. Give your husband 'care'. If you sow 'care' to your husband, will you not reap 'care' as well and vice versa.

Finally, do NOT think of divorcing your husband for the inadequacies of the past. No marriage is perfect! The fault is not his and he has endured beyond an average man can endure. You need to come down and think, put yourself in his shoes, if it is the other way round how will you feel. You are still young, and the wound of the past due to your loyalty to your parent, should go pls.

Give this marriage another chance and work on letting the past go. Wipe your memory board of the past, clean up and start writing a new positive future. Positive things will start attracting itself to you.

How I wish I could communicate to the man, I could give him tips to refresh this marriage and brighten it up.

Girlwhocares:


Yes,I accept my mistake for going into the marriage when i knew i was not not totally into him but i was made to believe love wasnt enough and one can grow in feelings and love in marriage.

Please, what do you think you want?
To say he is not good in bed but he gave you a kid, he's financially stable and romantic as you said. What else do any man can offer you except that. something is not really right spiritually. Someone wants you out of that happy home so that you will regret it for life. Beware and seek help spiritually.
Na half talk we dey tell omoluabi, if e enter em stomach e go complete.

zexy2030:

most women can't stay an average of 6months without sex based on these conditions
1. if she is healthy and living with her husband, what happens to days she ovulates, the engorged clitoris, even if she masturbates she is having sex.
2. if she's nt a full time career lady, though she is making her own money enough to cater for her own needs.
3. if she has been disvirgined and the broke up or the guy travelled out.
Women, are full episode of what we call wo(rry)men.
You must find men in their pain or pleasure, when I say men I mean sex.
No b today I know say women love sex more than men.
I was just 6 when 4grown ladies raped me, leaving me with a curved dick.
so pls stop saying what u don't know, I kept a relationship of no sex for 9 yrs, we are far apart on different campuses. my girl friend told me she is learning some things that will help us in marriage, let me you what she was learning, practically different sex styles, she confessed later for me to forgive her, that she knew I'm a holy man, so something bad would not happen to her, when I found out, after knowing she wasn't a virgin, the room close to her room in ado ekiti was a girl steadily banging guys for money.
so every night she hears moans of this girl and feels jealous. Not knowing she was feeling like having sex everynight. But she decided to be celibate.
one night,she called a tall guy who she took as a son to stay with till day break she stays alone, just imagine what would have happened.
I called one night about 12am she was busying my calls. Later she called back that a guy is disturbing that he wants to sleep in her house, so she went to sleep in the room with that lady that bangs every night.
so sweetcunt97 stop saying some women stay long without fvck, its only true when she is a virgin or she was horribly circumcised but she is not circumcised and stay 3yrs without sex, it's a fallacy.

4 grown ladies raped you at age 6? Why am I finding that hard to wrap my head around? But you know there are some women with naturally low libido

Girlwhocares:
Please help me, I'm loosing my sanity everyday!
I'm scared to open up to friends and families because of what they will think or how disappointed or bad I will make them feel, also I'm afraid people will be judgemental about my actions.

I'm not physically and emotional connected with my husband which is affecting our marriage and my well-being, we live as co-tenant, we hardly have any conversation, we do things differently, we share different rooms, no sex for the past 3 years! Even during courtship and the fist two years of marriage I can account for days we were intimate.

Things are fallen out of place everyday, we have a child together who will be 4yrs and the thought of having another child has not crossed my mind.

I get irritated at everything, I hardly show appreciation towards him even if it means he has done his best, which later i will find myself guilty and try to make up but the spark and connection isn't just there.

Most times, I have a non-challant attitude towards him and everything he does to make me happy.

I feel lonely, bored and incomplete even when I'm 90% sure my husband loves me and always ready to make me happy.

I feel awkward communicating my feelings and thoughts to him because I know I might flare up with anger even when he hasn't done or said anything to warrant it.

Please I have come to this faceless forum to pour out my mind, my heart is heavy, I need someone to talk to, I'm afraid my personal intention of walking out this marriage even when my husband hasn't done anything to deserve this might backfire and has its negative effect on our child.

I honestly don't need anyone to insult me please as I'm going through a lot. All i need is mature married wo(men) opinions

Thank you for your time.

you felt like this during courtship, why did u marry him?

Girlwhocares:


Well,he's not taking care of my bills,i make my own money but he's responsible in his own lil way.
Thank you.

that's the problem there! you dont want to be submissive to any man because u feel you make money more than him.

so why did u marry?

my advice is, let the poor guy go and find happiness with someone else. one day he might just snap and do something really horrible. it's just unfortunate for the kid u have.