₦airaland Forum

nooo!

not still correct!

Genial u still havnt got the right answer to my last quest!

Magraw what state are u now in nija to start with?send me a mail to (5okwoj11@solent.ac.uk).

Actually NLNG has no intensions on sponsoring ppl to train as cadets any more unless they are from the Maritime Academy of nigeria,Oron, due to some problems they had in the exam centre in PH few yrs ago,but they hav started picking guys again since 2003 only for the ratings. Well they do it every yr now depending on the space available obboard our vessels, cause there are some companies into this which are: shell, Anglo-eastern, Bergesen world wide gas, and NYK shipping. NYK and Bergesen has no intensions yet for the ratings until they have few Nigerian officers which would be next yr for Bergesen and maybe 3 yrs to come for NYK.
Shell and anglo-eastern plans to replace about 300 Filipino crews with Nigerians and that shld be completed soon. Well wish u guys all the best sha,everything is God.

A boy takes his girlfriend home after going out together.
When they reach the front door, he leans against the wall with one hand and says, "Sweetie, why don't you give me a Mouth Gig?"
"What? You're crazy!"
"Don't worry, it will be quick, no problem."
"No!! Someone may see -- a relative, a neighbor, "
"At this time of the night? No one will show up, "
"I've already said No, and NO!"
"Honey, it's just a small blowie, I know you'd like it, too, "
"No! I've said NO!"
"My love, Don't be like that, "
At this moment, the girlfriend's younger sister shows up at the door in her nightgown with her hair totally in disorder. Rubbing her eyes, she says, "Dad says either you have to blow him, I have to blow him, or he will come down and give the guy a Mouth Gig himself, but for God's sake, tell your boyfriend to take his hand off the intercom!"

Giorgio is in this country for about 6 months, he walks to work every day and passes a shoe store. Each day he stops and looks in the window and admires a certain pair of Bocceli leather shoes. After about 2 months he saves the $300.00 the shoes cost and purchases them.
Each Friday night the Italian community gets together at a dance at the church basement, so Giorgio seizes the opportunity to wear his new Bocceli leather shoes to the dance.
He asks Sophia to dance and as they dance he asks her, "Sophia, do you wear red panties tonight?"
Sophia, startled, says " Yes, Giorgio, I do wear red panties tonight, but how do you know?"
Giorgio replies, "I see the reflection in my new $300.00 Bocceli leather shoes, How do you like them?
Next he asks Rosa to dance, after a few minutes he says to her "Rosa, do you wear white panties tonight?"
Rosa answers!, " Yes, Giorgio, I do , but how do you know that.
He answers, "I see the reflection in my new $300.00 Bocceli leather shoes. How do you like them?"
Now the evening is almost over and the last song is being played. Giorgio asks Carmella to dance.
Mid way through the dance his face turns red. He says "Carmella, still my heart, please, please tell me you wear no panties tonight, please, please, tell me this true,"
Carmella answers, " Yes, Yes Giorgio, I wear no panties tonight."
Giorgio gasps and says, "Thank God, thought I had a CRACK in my new $300.00 Bocceli leather shoes

This burglar is breaking into some house at night. Sneaking around he suddenly hears: "Jesus is watching you!". The burglar is shocked, ducks down, remains silent for a while, but nothing happens. After a minute or so he decides to continue his search for the jewelery, so he gets up again. Again he hears, but a little louder and more like a warning: "Jesus is still watching you!". "Good heavens!" he thinks, "What's going on here?". He still doesn't dare to use his torch though. Silently he strafes backward and again -and really loud this time-: "Jesus is *really* watching you!". Ok, this guy is almost getting a heart attack and switches on his Maglite. After a little looking around he detects this parrot.

Burglar: "A parrot?"
Parrot: "Yes, that's me!"
Burglar: "You can talk pretty well"
Parrot: "Yes, I'm already 50 years of age"
Burglar: "Phew that's not bad! You live here?"
Parrot: "Yep!"
Burglar: "Gosh I really thought something weird was going on here! What's your name?"
Parrot: "Henry"
Burglar: "Henry? That's a weird name for a parrot?"
Parrot: "Not as weird as 'Jesus' for a rottweiler!"

Dear Nairalander,
   This is to prove that 95% of Nairaland users are mad cause this letter is written to them including me, and one of them is reading it now.

yours sincerely,
me.
(just a joke)

what soft side?

Genial get this and i quit! i like the prayers in ur profile though.
Scientists have proven that cats have more hair on one side then their other side. Some people believe that this is because when cats lay on their side they need insulation from the cold on the floor or ground. Which side of a cat has more hair?

Two mothers and two daughters go to a pet store and buy three cats. Each female gets her own cat. How is this possible?

i guess u got me there

Genial it seems u are too good, ok While walking across a bridge I saw a boat full of people. Yet on the boat there wasn't a single person. Why?

Ok, Marys father has 4 children; three are named Nana, Nene, and Nini. So what is is the 4th childs name?

hhmmmmmm!

Ok there were some birds flying in the air, some above and the others below. The following conversation took place btw the leaders of both groups of birds( above and below):
Leader above: how many birds are u below?
Leader below: If u take one of us to be with u, we shall remain half of the number u wuld become, but if u give us one of u, we shall become equal numbers above and below.
How many birds are there above and hw many below?

yeah all corekt now.

Not at all!

U are wrong fatliar

ok try this one,
What is so fragile that when you say its name you break it?

1). There are 20 people in an empty, square room. Each person has full sight of the entire room and everyone in it without turning his head or body, or moving in any way (other than the eyes). Where can you place an apple so that all but one person can see it?
2). You're driving a bus that is leaving on a trip from Pennsylvania and ending in New York. To start off with, there were 32 passengers on the bus. At the next bus stop, 11 people get off and 9 people get on. At the next bus stop, 2 people get off and 2 people get on. At the next bus stop, 12 people get on and 16 people get off. At the next bus stop, 5 people get on and 3 people get off. What color are the bus driver's eyes?

WOMEN'S ENGLISH:
Yes = No
No = Yes
Maybe = No
I'm sorry = You'll be sorry
We need = I want
It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now
Do what you want = You'll pay for this later
We need to talk = I need to complain
Sure, go ahead = I don't want you to
I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you slowpoke!
You're , so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot
You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about??
Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs
Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive
How much do you love me? = I did something today that you're really not going to like
I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV
Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful
You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me
Are you listening to me?? = Too late, you're dead

MEN'S ENGLISH:
I'm hungry = I'm hungry
I'm sleepy = I'm sleepy
I'm tired = I'm tired
Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Can I call you sometime? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
May I have this dance? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
You look tense, let me give you a massage = I want to handle you
What's wrong? = I guess sex tonight is out of the question
I'm bored = Do you want to have sex?
I love you = Let's have sex now
I love you, too = Okay, I said it, we'd better have sex now!
Let's talk = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me
Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys
I don't think that blouse and that skirt go well together = I am gay

Husband (A Computer Teacher) Talking to his Wife:

Husband (returning late from work)
Husband: "Hi dear. I'm logged in".
Wife: Have you brought the grocery?
Husband: Bad command or file name.
Wife: But I told you in the morning?
Husband: Erroneous syntax. Abort, retry, cancel?
Wife: What about my new TV?
Husband: Variable not found.
Wife: At least, give me your credit card. I need to do some shopping.
Husband: Sharing violation. Access denied.
Wife: It was a great mistake that I married an idiot like you.
Husband: Data type mismatch.
Wife: You are useless.
Husband: By default.
Wife: What about your salary?
Husband: File in use. Try after some time.
Wife: Who was in the car this morning?
Husband: System is unstable. Press ALT + CTRL + DEL to reboot.
Wife: Are you going to have some snacks?
Husband: File system full.
Wife: What is the relation between you and your receptionist?
Husband: only user with WRITE permission.
Wife: What is my value in this family?
Husband: Unknown virus.
Wife: Do you love me or your computer or you're being just funny?
Husband: Too many parameters!
Wife: I will go to my dad's house.
Husband: This program has performed an illegal operation and will be terminated.
Wife: I'll leave you forever.
Husband: Close all programs and logout and then login as another user.
Wife: It's worthless talking to you.
Husband: Shutdown the computer.
Wife: I'm going.
Husband: It's now safe to turn off your computer.

of cause Keith is a dwarf and has smelt the hair closest to his nose which obviously is not on the lady's head but down her*, *I wonder how sensitive his nose was.

That's serious!

Labans i think we hav to re-phrase that: "After original products are made and brought into the market, the fake ones follow and cause great pain and confusion"

F.B.I:
walahhi talahi, two of una don chop belle ful

Na God ohh!