₦airaland Forum

CUTE-ASS,
Just kidding. I find it difficult understanding my native language really so it wuld be like speaking in tongues to u

if i was the guy, i wuld either keep staring at those things or cover them up with a handkerchief.

cute-ass:
so why didn't you post in your native language, afterall noone is forcing you to speak english

nice theory though BUT

If i had posted in my native language, what would be your question?

How about these?

• A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
• I bought my wife a new car.
She called and said, "There was water in the carburetor."
I said, "Where's the car?"
She said, "In the lake."
• The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
• I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her.
• Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that
• Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.
• Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; then it was too late.
• A man placed an ad in the classifieds: "Wife wanted."
The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
• A woman was telling her friend, "I made my husband a millionaire."
"And what was he before you married him?"asked the friend.
The woman replied, "A billionaire.
• The trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you never get to prove it.
• A man, upon his engagement, went to his father and said, "I've found a woman just like mother!"
His father replied, "So what do you want from me, sympathy?"
• A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
• The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
• I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

A blonde was speeding in a 35 mile per hour zone when a local police cruiser pulled her over. The police officer who walked up to the car also happened to be a blonde. She asked for the blonde's driver's license.
The driver searched frantically in her purse for a while and finally said to the blonde policewoman, "What does a driver's license look like?'
Irritated, the blonde cop said, "You dummy, it's got your picture on it!"
The blonde driver frantically searched her purse again and found a small, rectangular mirror down at the bottom. She held it up to her face and said, "Aha! This must be my driver's license", then handed it to the blonde policewoman.
The blonde cop looked in the mirror, handed it back to the driver and said, "You're free to go. And, if I had known you were a police officer too, we could have avoided all of this."

Have you ever wondered why foreigners have trouble with the English Language?

Let's face it
English is a stupid language.
There is no egg in the eggplant
No ham in the hamburger
And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England
French fries were not invented in France.

We sometimes take English for granted
But if we examine its paradoxes we find that
Quicksand takes you down slowly
Boxing rings are square
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

If writers write, how come fingers don't fing.
If the plural of tooth is teeth
Shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth
If the teacher taught,
Why didn't the preacher praught.

If a vegetarian eats vegetables
What the heck does a humanitarian eat!?
Why do people recite at a play
Yet play at a recital?
Park on driveways and
Drive on parkways

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy
Of a language where a house can burn up as
It burns down
And in which you fill in a form
By filling it out
And a bell is only heard once it goes!

English was invented by people, not computers
And it reflects the creativity of the human race
(Which of course isn't a race at all)

That is why
When the stars are out they are visible
But when the lights are out they are invisible
And why it is that when I wind up my watch
It starts
But when I wind up this observation,
It ends.

Eleven people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter, ten men and one woman.

The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one had to leave, because otherwise they were all going to fall.They were not able to name that person, until the woman held a very touching speech.

She said that she will voluntarily let go off the rope, because as a woman she is used to give up everything for her husband and kids, or for men in general, without ever getting anything in return.

As soon as she finished her speech, all men started clapping their hands,

Two men met at a bus stop and struck up a conversation.

One of them kept complaining of family problems.

Finally, the other man said:

"You think you have family problems? Listen to my situation."

"A few years ago, I met a young widow with a grown-up daughter. We got married and got myself a stepdaughter. Later, my father married my stepdaughter. That made my stepdaughter, my step-mother. And my father became my stepson. Also, my wife became mother-in-law of her father-in-law".

"Much later the daughter of my wife, my stepmother, had a son. This boy was my half-brother because he was my father's son. But he was also the son of my wife's daughter which made him my wife's grand-son. That made me the grand-father of my half-brother."

"This was nothing until my wife and I had a Baby. Now the half-sister of my son, my stepmother, is also the Grandmother. This makes my father, the brother-in-law of my child, whose stepsister is my father's wife, I am my stepmother's brother-in-law, my wife is her own child's aunt, my son is my father's nephew and I am my OWN GRANDFATHER!"

"And you think you have FAMILY PROBLEMS!!!"

A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.

The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside."

So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men on this floor are short and plain." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.

The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here are short and handsome." Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up.

They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here are tall and plain."

They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up.

On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here are tall and handsome." The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor.

There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."

She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!"

Clinton dies and of course goes straight to hell. When he gets there the Devil greets him and offers him three ways to spend eternity. They go to the first door and the Devil shows him Newt Gingrich, hanging from the ceiling with fire under him. Bill says "Oh no! That’s not how I want to spend all eternity, " They go to the second door. The Devil shows him Rush Limbaugh chained to the wall being tortured. Bill says "Oh no! Not for me!"

They go to the third door. Behind it is Ken Starr, chained to the wall with Monica Lewinsky on her knees giving him a Mouth Gig. Bill thinks and decides, "Hmmm, looks okay to me. I’ll take it." The Devil then says, "Good. Hey Monica, you’ve been replaced

Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E and F are the letters used to define bra sizes? If you have wondered why, but couldn't figure out what the letters stood for, it's about time you became informed!

{A} - Almost Boobs,
{B} - Barely there.
{C} - Can't Complain!
{D} - Damn!
{DD} - Double damn!
{E} - Enormous!
{F} - Fake.

What an interesting mistake. Most wht gals do that wen they get tipsy and ask u the next day-- "did u touch my breast last night?"

of cause the only way u might have her back is to be burn again too,if possible do it more than her,maybe turn a pastor.

ima1(nice,but  i bet those are just words),
sorry u said they are just mere words,yes they wuld be when said by many guys who want to keep deceiving girl around the globe,but i dnt need to prove this to u tru mails cause u wunt still see the truth in it. Sorry to say but i only lie to my parents,but that was den,now i tell them the truth but in a wise way.Just believe my words.