₦airaland Forum

This ur British accent...

''I wanna to kiss you''

... got me ROTFL


Nice story and nice write up.


My first kiss I just chew the girl mouth, shikena

Mr James AKA Mr Japo Japo.


Trust my naija niggers to tell u that ur sperm is being used for rituals if u decide to sell ur thing here





Mr mod, why u hide my post now

Mr James AKA Mr Japo Japo.


Trust my naija niggers to tell u that ur sperm is being used for rituals if u decide to sell ur thing here

Oga Chukwu, do you want Keshi's job

The eagles still have a better chance of qualifying for the nations cup if only they can up their game. There is still 4 matches to played (12points).

The first and second team from each group automatically qualifies while there is still chance for the best overall 3rd place in all the group.

Now, if it is so bad that we can not be 1st or 2nd in that easy group and we still can't make one of the best 3rd place then I'm sorry the eagles are completely finished.

It is rather easy than difficult

How much

Nigerian Police: flexing muscles on bloody civilian since 1960.

Olajide - My wealth has arrive

I went to the barbing saloon recently to get a haircut. Usually, when I go, I take my own shaving kit with me and so avoid any risk of catching head lice or even Hepatitis. God forbid! Anyway, that is not the story I want to relate to you. The hair cut was performed efficiently but after the barber succeeded in making me handsome (to my amusement), he did the following:

First, the barber got a hot wet towel from a small oven in the shop. He then proceeded to slap this hot towel on my head without warning. It was hot enough to make me jump up, slap his hand away and exclaim.

Seriously, what has barbing become? Why do I have to go to the shop to get a burn on my head? There was no communication at all and he did not even check if the temperature was suitable for me. I supposed he used his own calloused hands to judge the temperature!

He still used it to clean my head, wiping off the bits of hair and then he proceeded to perform a hand massage of my scalp and neck. I thought that was good and I almost fell asleep with the pleasure of it. That was until he put one hand on my head and another under my chin. He was about to twist my neck before I shouted.

I was so mad! How dare a barber try to twist my neck (unsolicited) and without prior warning, as part of the simple act of shaving my head? I admonished him severely and warned him never to do this again. It is certainly not part of hair-cutting and does not take into cognisance the huge risks involved.

For example, I may have a bad neck with cervical spondylosis, or a previous neck operation or even just a weak neck. And apart from being a surgeon who operates on necks, I watch movies where peoples’ necks are twisted, leading to their demise.

It is believable that the barber could, one day, perform this neck twisting act and render his client paralysed or dead. A N500 hair cut should not send you to the emergency room or to the morgue.

This brings me to another point in the hair-cutting industry and this relates to the dandruff scam perpetrated by hair dressers and barbers. Dandruff is not a disease but simply dry scalp. It is dry skin that flakes off the head and is not really a problem. It is also not curable, since it is not a disease in the first place!

According to Wikipedia, dandruff is a common scalp disorder affecting almost half of the population at the post-pubertal age and of any gender and ethnicity. It often causes itching. The severity of dandruff may fluctuate with season, as it often worsens in dry weather.

Those affected by dandruff find that it can cause social or self esteem problems, indicating treatment for both psychological and physiological reasons. Most cases of dandruff can be easily treated with specialised shampoos. There is, however, no true cure.

No cure for dandruff

This is the basis of the scam! When barbers and hair dressers say that you have dandruff and ask if they could treat it for you, they make it sound as if they can make it go away. Or that the exorbitant price you pay to have your hair washed with shampoo and creamed is justified. As if once they have done the treatment, it won’t reappear the very next day!

Dry scalp, like dry in other part of the body, is part of life and happens to a lot of people. People who use soap a lot and especially in the hot weather we have in Nigeria suffer from dandruff and dry skin. Those who suffer from eczema and allergies perhaps suffer the more. It is no reason to spend your hard earned money on the scam perpetuated by big business selling shampoos, lotions and potions purported to cure dandruff.

You may have seen the image of that gorgeous woman on the billboards all over the country selling shampoo for dandruff. No matter how pretty you think she is, remember what she is selling is not a cure for dandruff and all part of the scam. Shampoos, soaps, creams and moisturisers are temporary treatment and not cure for dandruff. It is part of your make-up and not a condition to worry about at all.

Finally, please be careful at the barber’s shop and even at hairdresser’s. People have been maimed and injured in these places mostly by this trial-and-error behaviour and barbers especially doing things they feel add quality to the service but which may be fairly harmful.

Burns, allergic reactions, cuts, rash and transmission of deadly infections are all possible at the hairdresser’s. Be careful. (Dr. Biodun Ogungbo)

Pix credit: google

I was in a bar discussing with friends when this topic was raised.

An old man said:

I use to befriend a widow who stays alone. She has grown up children at the time but none was living with her.
I always visit her and we normally have nice time together.
One day, as usual, I went to her place to relax. After eating, we hurried to the room not minding whether the door was locked (it is not my duty to lock the door anyway) and got down to business.

I was on top of her bouncing up and down when her son (a policeman) came in unannounced and gave me three hot slaps on the butt imagine! On top of her mother.

I picked up my clothes and ran out of the house never to return.




Yeye pickin, spoil fun for him mama



Another man said:

There is this single mother I was planning to lay back then who had a little son who resides with her. I use to go to the woman's shop to play with her and also to make known my intention.
I noticed that whenever I was with her, the son is not always happy. I tried to cajole the son by asking him what to get for him that would make him happy. The boy said he would love a bicycle.

Some days later, I went there as usual and the boy asked of his bicycle. I told him I've paid for the bicycle that I am going to bring it on my next visit.

Next visit, no bicycle and the boy was like why I scoped him that the seller refuses to open the shop. On the third visit, I lied again and again.

Meanwhile, the mother has given me the go ahead to get down between her thighs, I was so elated. We went inside, locked up the room and was about getting ready for the action when we started hearing some heavy sounds on the roofing which was unbearable.
I quickly checked the window to see if we were safe. Alas! It was the unsatisfied son that was shelling us with stones.




NLers, what are you going to do if you catch ur mum in the act

Kachisbarbie: Thankyou joor. It's annoying, some of them take the husband hustle too serious, it's not that serious abeg.

You don't mean it


Go and ask aunty bee (38years) that is still searching, she will tell you that it is a serious ish.

ethicalUser: That's football age don't be fooled. Wikipedia got those info from their clubs. I won't say much. But dig deep u will be amazed at their real ages.

I understand bro... but since u can't prove it, u just have to take it. That was what I was trying to say.

Get well soon gallant soldier.

ozodigboo: What is he saying ?
Why you dey show us google ?
Na google born Ik Uche ?
Is it not what u write in your passport that google will publish ?

did u read this part...

Unless na u be papa uche wey born dem

If yes, then u're IK's father for you to know that he is 36 years old.


Peace out.

ethicalUser: Who told you he is young ? Ike Uche is 36 years and kalu is 39years.

bros u can lie oh. I just did a google check, IK is 30years.

http://www.google.co.uk/url?q=http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ikechukwu_Uche&sa=U&ei=oLsNVKDyGoe7O8L1gOgH&ved=0CAsQFjAA&usg=AFQjCNGOZH2aTxj0RuuaNmb-4V9xKf47gA



Unless na u be papa uche wey born dem

Story for the gods.... Walahi, if I be the Uche brothers, I no go play.

Na wah!!!

2nd half...

Hope Nigeria can get 2 past the Congolese without conceding...



How I miss Enyeama (saving Nigeria since 2002).

Let the permutations begin...


If Nigeria wins and Congo draw/lose then Nigeria will qualify

Let's go there



Go Eagles!!!

Is it that they did not stay together before going to the alter

She should have known before now since the problem has been there for 7 years. Well, she can just stay with him and help him get out of the problem. Otherwise, husby may get tired of life.

Since u're aware of ur challenges, then work on it.

Ivanspring: And you had to quote the same 'triplicate copy' just to say this?

... and what's ur freaking business with what I decide to do with my space


Tenant wey dey abuse landlord, don prepare to sleep inside rain. Yeye dey smell

henrylowe: #5 Annoying Things Women Do That Guys HATE...


Often, couples will part ways over some insignificant little things that they are annoyed by. That is why you have to be aware of everything that you do. Chances are that he will keep quiet for a long time, and lash out over the simplest thing that has been annoying him. You should learn to control your bad habits. So this point is what guys can't stand

#1 - BEING OVERLY JEALOUS
You have to keep in mind that he is with you. There is a reason why he picked to spend time and build a relationship with you. Men will usually understand jealousy in the beginning of the relationship. However, if you start being jealous of another female later on, then he won’t be that understanding. He will think that you neglected everything he has done to show you he cares for you. So what if he has a female friend or two, he won’t do anything as long as he loves you.

#2 - BEING OVERLY DEPENDENT
Every guy loves the fact that he can help out and make a woman happy. so woman no suppose the load am 4 us...buh na big F-K if u no no werin u suppose do 4 ur girl that the right time.You should have separate hobbies, likes and dislikes. There should simply be several things that you don’t have to do and not to do in a relationship...


#3 - Being Different in Front of His Friends

He may glorify you in front of his friends, but that doesn’t mean that you have to alter yourself to make his friends like you instantly. Chances are that you will embarrass him if you do this. Instead, you should be yourself. Remember that your individuality is the reason he likes you. Some will try 2 b angel in front of their guys friend...or even try 2 be forming Porsche and end up falling everyones hand!!!

#4 - Being To Flamboyant,Wearing To Much Make-up,Bleached (Bora) Even Wearing chain The legs

It is normal that you try to look perfect for him, but remember not to overdo it. Some imperfections might be the exact reason why he has fallen for you. He doesn’t want to go out with the person you want to look like. He wants to go out with you.
Buh some werre girls all in the name of fashion go bleach,wear make up like mumu,come still put chain 4 leg han han that's not gud na. For God's sake Plz!!!

#5 - OVER Forming

This is the worst wooooo some chicks the fall hands,like when I see 1 of ma old class mate 4 road, I try 2 stop her and like introduce ma sef b4 I know na hmmm am busy am busy that tin pain me ehhhnnn... Buh I still introduce ma sef she come later dey beg me.. Even yesterday when 200 hundred naira fell from a girls pocket in my street,I just wanted 2 stop her and shw her the money ooo,she think say I wan chiak am she no even answer me b4 I shout say she u money 4 ground wif the aid of am friends that shouted 2geda before she come look ground...its crazy and stupid very very stupid mentality




#5 Annoying Things Women Do That Guys HATE...


Often, couples will part ways over some insignificant little things that they are annoyed by. That is why you have to be aware of everything that you do. Chances are that he will keep quiet for a long time, and lash out over the simplest thing that has been annoying him. You should learn to control your bad habits. So this point is what guys can't stand

#1 - BEING OVERLY JEALOUS
You have to keep in mind that he is with you. There is a reason why he picked to spend time and build a relationship with you. Men will usually understand jealousy in the beginning of the relationship. However, if you start being jealous of another female later on, then he won’t be that understanding. He will think that you neglected everything he has done to show you he cares for you. So what if he has a female friend or two, he won’t do anything as long as he loves you.

#2 - BEING OVERLY DEPENDENT
Every guy loves the fact that he can help out and make a woman happy. so woman no suppose the load am 4 us...buh na big F-K if u no no werin u suppose do 4 ur girl that the right time.You should have separate hobbies, likes and dislikes. There should simply be several things that you don’t have to do and not to do in a relationship...


#3 - Being Different in Front of His Friends

He may glorify you in front of his friends, but that doesn’t mean that you have to alter yourself to make his friends like you instantly. Chances are that you will embarrass him if you do this. Instead, you should be yourself. Remember that your individuality is the reason he likes you. Some will try 2 b angel in front of their guys friend...or even try 2 be forming Porsche and end up falling everyones hand!!!

#4 - Being To Flamboyant,Wearing To Much Make-up,Bleached (Bora) Even Wearing chain The legs

It is normal that you try to look perfect for him, but remember not to overdo it. Some imperfections might be the exact reason why he has fallen for you. He doesn’t want to go out with the person you want to look like. He wants to go out with you.
Buh some werre girls all in the name of fashion go bleach,wear make up like mumu,come still put chain 4 leg han han that's not gud na. For God's sake Plz!!!

#5 - OVER Forming

This is the worst wooooo some chicks the fall hands,like when I see 1 of ma old class mate 4 road, I try 2 stop her and like introduce ma sef b4 I know na hmmm am busy am busy that tin pain me ehhhnnn... Buh I still introduce ma sef she come later dey beg me.. Even yesterday when 200 hundred naira fell from a girls pocket in my street,I just wanted 2 stop her and shw her the money ooo,she think say I wan chiak am she no even answer me b4 I shout say she u money 4 ground wif the aid of am friends that shouted 2geda before she come look ground...its crazy and stupid very very stupid mentality




#5 Annoying Things Women Do That Guys HATE...


Often, couples will part ways over some insignificant little things that they are annoyed by. That is why you have to be aware of everything that you do. Chances are that he will keep quiet for a long time, and lash out over the simplest thing that has been annoying him. You should learn to control your bad habits. So this point is what guys can't stand

#1 - BEING OVERLY JEALOUS
You have to keep in mind that he is with you. There is a reason why he picked to spend time and build a relationship with you. Men will usually understand jealousy in the beginning of the relationship. However, if you start being jealous of another female later on, then he won’t be that understanding. He will think that you neglected everything he has done to show you he cares for you. So what if he has a female friend or two, he won’t do anything as long as he loves you.

#2 - BEING OVERLY DEPENDENT
Every guy loves the fact that he can help out and make a woman happy. so woman no suppose the load am 4 us...buh na big F-K if u no no werin u suppose do 4 ur girl that the right time.You should have separate hobbies, likes and dislikes. There should simply be several things that you don’t have to do and not to do in a relationship...


#3 - Being Different in Front of His Friends

He may glorify you in front of his friends, but that doesn’t mean that you have to alter yourself to make his friends like you instantly. Chances are that you will embarrass him if you do this. Instead, you should be yourself. Remember that your individuality is the reason he likes you. Some will try 2 b angel in front of their guys friend...or even try 2 be forming Porsche and end up falling everyones hand!!!

#4 - Being To Flamboyant,Wearing To Much Make-up,Bleached (Bora) Even Wearing chain The legs

It is normal that you try to look perfect for him, but remember not to overdo it. Some imperfections might be the exact reason why he has fallen for you. He doesn’t want to go out with the person you want to look like. He wants to go out with you.
Buh some werre girls all in the name of fashion go bleach,wear make up like mumu,come still put chain 4 leg han han that's not gud na. For God's sake Plz!!!

#5 - OVER Forming

This is the worst wooooo some chicks the fall hands,like when I see 1 of ma old class mate 4 road, I try 2 stop her and like introduce ma sef b4 I know na hmmm am busy am busy that tin pain me ehhhnnn... Buh I still introduce ma sef she come later dey beg me.. Even yesterday when 200 hundred naira fell from a girls pocket in my street,I just wanted 2 stop her and shw her the money ooo,she think say I wan chiak am she no even answer me b4 I shout say she u money 4 ground wif the aid of am friends that shouted 2geda before she come look ground...its crazy and stupid very very stupid mentality

Why u submit triplicate copy Or is it a criteria to make FP

9jagirl4re: My friend what do you mean Fashola did a great job in 8 years he found people to build schools for free saving Tinubu tax payers money do you not recognize leadership?

Sure, leadership is all about getting it done.

BTW, who paid you for this

Guy, stop sobbing. You really helped her to achieve her dreams rather than wasting time and money on what won't pay her at the end.

Tell me, are u gonna sit for her external exams too

Sure, u re not looking for ebola

This is an irony!

Pls quote the source.


Well said... There is time for everything.

Nothing like love at first sight, it develops gradually.

Put together, EGO.