₦airaland Forum

Eat to live

OKOATA:
Baba how far, abeg what's the outcome of the meeting with her families last Sunday. Has she left you finally because it would be stupid to take that woman back after all the advice I gave you on that your latest thread.

The meeting went well according to plan and she left with the baby that Sunday. I am enjoying the single father life I have no regret . Thanks once again for the advice

UjuJoan2:
Maybe she came back to you because she wanted a father for her child. But I hope she has seen now what a big mistake that was?

This is your version isn’t it? Unfortunately your wife is not here to give her own side.

Anyway I still blame her. She should have known that men are unreliable after her experience with you.

I hope you know the real victim here is the little girl, no matter how much you cry you are responsible for what happened to you. It’s the little child who didn’t ask for any of this.

Yes that's true she came back because she wanted a father figure for her child and she knew I am a great father to our three hence why she came because if I was a dead beat or irresponsable why would she come back to me she would have find someone better to raise all four kids .
She is only regretting her action for not protecting herself because if she did she wouldn't have ended up with the pregnancy.
I can never be responsible for the dirty lifestyle she choose to do to Cater for the children, she was the sole breadwinner but selling her body was not her only option.
We had an option to moved him with my mother and she refused.
If we had moved in with my mother it would have reduce the burden of house rent.
She is an adult with sense she made the decision to sell her body and she choose not to use protection and how is that my fault ? It is her own fault for allowing herself to be use and getting pregnant. The girl is a victim of her mother mistakes not mine.
By the way she didn't impregnate herself the child father is alive she can take him to court for child maintenance. If he won't take care or her she can go ahead and sleep with all men in the world to cater for her since that's the easiest option for her to do.
I know you are trying to guilt trip me but it won't work at all. I have already made up my mind about the divorce and that's the final decisio. You can still blame me over and over again no amount of the blame will change my decision.

UjuJoan2:
What consequences did you bear?

While you were at your Mum’s house who was catering for the kids?

I think you are an ingrate and that’s why your wife cheated on you.. I only blame her for trying to come back to you.

Only an Ingrate will let his wife bear all the financial responsibilities, and when he got money, refuse to help out his wife and instead use it for something else.

I don’t even think you understand the level of betrayal that it.

Women need to understand that they are better off without dead beat men in their lives.

Taking care of kids alone doesn't mean she should have sell her body , a lot of women have been taking care of their children alone for so many years and they don't sell their body to feed them they cut their coats according to their size.
I didn't have any money and I have suggested moving back to my mother place to reduce the expenses it would have saved her from paying the rent but she refused.
If the responsibility was a too much on her instead of her to sell her body to a man who promised her heaven on earth which he didn't fulfilled. She should have moved in with me to my mother place or bring the children to my mother place to reduce the stress but she didn't she choose the easiest way to sell her body without protection she wasn't even scared of diseases or pregnancy.
when she has realised that the guy was only using her and didnt fulfil all his promises. She breaks up with him and cut her coats according to her size that's something she should have done earlier than selling her body to him.
am not to be blame for the choice she made because she wanted it to be like that and at the end she got a bonus a beautiful baby girl.
She should bear the consequences alone.
Fortunately I am not a dead beat man or a ingrat if I was she would have never begged me for forgiveness. She came because she knows I am a responsible husband and father and to err is human.

CalmElder:
He did.
Carefully read the post and you will notice that he showed remorse to the wife.
It's normal for a wife to be angry when you sideline her in making decisions but in her case, she over reacted and made herself vulnerable.
The man bore the consequences of his decision without her support, it's time to reciprocate, in my opinion.

You are right I bore the consequences of my mistakes alone she should also bear the consequences of keeping another man pregnancy alone.

Intellectuall01:
Be careful during this time oh abeg. I wish I have more advice for you. Please, during that meeting, don't allow anybody convince you to stay in the marriage oh. Because the family of the lady will do everything possible to convince you.

Avoid her phone calls during this period too, make she nor go use charm take command you for phone. Like I said before, she is in a very vulnerable state right now and she can do anything just to change the whole situation against you.

Do you mind me asking you when is her birthday? Like month and day of the month? I'm very deep into astrology so if you tell me, I can tell you some things about her that is true and you will indeed agree that I'm right.

Thank you I will not listen to anyone. I respect my father in law a lot but he can never change my mind. Her dob is 20/05/1990

wirinet:
Sorry for what you are going through. You need to busy yourself to avoid depression killing you. Pick up a hobby (not bad one like smoking or drinking o), it could be sports, chess, vocation. Just keep your mind and body busy. It could even be church activities. Meet new people. It would be great if you go back to school to improve yourself. it doesn't have to be physical school, it could be online.

The beginning will be very difficult and painful, but time heals all wounds.

Thank you for the words of encouragement

Maynman:
I feel you man and you are strong, your story just dey make me ask myself different questions, married men dey see shege chai

Trust me it hasn't been easy for me depression is dealing with me so bad . I wish I didn't accept her when she came begging me but I am thankful I found out sooner than later.

FatherCHRISTMAS:
Now that you know, what do you intend to do

I will divorce her

Justbehave:
Nice step.

Thank you

Maynman:
Chance of a wrong DNA is almost impossible and it’s always 99.9% right, or why is it in her own case out of MILLIONS that the dna started to go “wrong” after 7 months separation?
Yet she is still denying, Don’t let her emotional blackmail you.

True the dna result is not wrong she knows it well that the child isn't mine and she had tried to manipulate me but she didn't succeed. I had left the house to show her that I am serious with my decision and nothing will change my mind.

Intellectuall01:
Please do this today. Do not delay oh. Leave the house today. Tell her you are going out for something.

I had already left. I told my children that I travel for a couple of days and I will see them next week Sunday. I left some cash for their upkeep and I have also called my father in law to inform him about the meeting.
The poor man is very worried he calls back several times to ask what is going on and I have told him to hang on until next week. He pleaded me to tell him the truth because his mind won't rest until he knows the reason why I want them to come over.
I've told him to wait until next week.
I won't tell him anything until sunday because I want both families to be there so we can separate in peace for the sake of my 3 children.

Intellectuall01:
Let's pray and hope sje doesn't cause you any harm from now till that next week Sunday because, as it stands now, if she cones across someone who can convince her that there is a babalawo that can twist your mind, she will proceed to the babalawo oh

True my younger brother has also said the same thing he ask me to come over to his house and stay until the meeting. I will go and stay with him until next week Sunday.

Justbehave:
Stop reply the guy. His wife is doing exactly what yours did and he knows.

Ok thanks

maasoap:
Just think about it before scattering everything and get your family members involved. And I will say it again, you left her for seven months, you're not entirely blameless. I only pity the poor kid.

Go through my posts you will see where I blamed myself for not telling her about the money but I don't blame myself for leaving neither regret because I did for my own sanity so I can be alive to watch my children grow . Maybe if I didn't leave I wouldn't be alive to tell the story

maasoap:
This is exactly what was going through my mind. Wife cheated during the separation of seven months! Body no be firewood now. Op had his own fault in all this.
Before op take any rash decision and turn everything upside down, he should consider the wellbeing of his kids.

Copy: Johnnyjohnnyman

My children will be fine if she want to carry all 4 that's fine I will continue to provide for them from afar and if she has decide to leave them behind they will also be fine my mum and niece will take care of them

culf:
Be strong chairman, its painful but God will see you through.

please calm down, don't make any decision now, take your time.

Before any decision, put your children, the innocent child and everything into consideration.

secondary, I know most people will not agree with this but please, if you finally decides to separate or let the child go, please do it quietly. Only few very close circle should know.

All the best.

No problem thanks. I will involve both families for a meeting and the separation will be done quietly no third parties will be allowed.

wirinet:
Had you been free with each others phones before or after the reconciliation? Before the separation if she was free with each others phones, how come she was not aware you got N300,000 or upu sent N200,000 to your sister for business purpose? Why was she annoyed you sent N200,000 to your sister for business?
How did you learn of the cheating? Why did she cheat? How come you never suspected anything before?

Finally, what's the state of the relationship currently? When was the last time they spoke or texted?

We have been free with each other phone after the reconciliation it has nothing to do with hiding things from each other because I have never cheated on her for the 10 years we have been she marriec it just that we both believed that when there's trust and there's no need to be checking each other phones.
She was annoyed because my sister duped me and I was broke she had to carry all the responsibility all alone.
I learned about the cheating from neighbours and my cousin brother who lives few doors away from our old house and she had admit to have cheated because the responsible was too much for her and the guy were taking care of her and the kids when I was broke. I asked her how long they have been dating she said it started in 2019 few weeks after i got duped and i asked her if she was sure she said yes they were not together before I got duped.
According to her the last time they spoke was July 2020 after the break up and I asked her what caused the break up. She said the guy was taking advantage of her he didn't fulfil all the promises he had made to her and she had to quit and cut her coats according to her size. She moved to a smaller house and change the children school after she came begging me to return back home. I asked her if she was using protection with the guy she said yes but on few occasions the condoms has broken up and I have told her I didn't cheat on her but before we reconcile we should both go and do all the stds test, I didnt have to because i was clean but i have done because we wanted to start wverything afresh which we did the test it came back clear and we got back together. I hope I have answered all your questions.

baralatie:
You sure say the three is his own

Yes they are mine

Williams150:
May God be with you and your 3 children...

Amen thank you

wirinet:
Is the suspected father still her colleague at work? Has he been informed of the situation? What's the current relationship between wife and co-worker like now? Have you ever snooped on the text or WhatsApp messages? You need to if you have not.

She had quit the job due to childbirth complications . She didn't informed him ( her words not mine) because they had break up before she conceived there is no way he could be the father. Ever since we got back together I haven't suspected her and I don't have any reason I am free with her phone and she is also free with mine and our relationship has been stronger than before unfortunately this dna things has messed up everything and our family will not be the same way again

Hafis1:
Before you conclude on any decision you are about to make. Please conduct a DNA on the on the baby's mother also it might surprise you this could be from the Hospital probably the child was swap

She is her bio mother the child looks exactly like her colleague she cheated on me with but she has denied that they were still together by the time she conceived. According to her the test result is wrong she claimed that they had breaks up in July 2020 we got back together in September 2020 she conceived that same month which is right according to the child birth date. I believed she was few days pregnant when we got back together or she had slept with both of us at the same during conception. If I am not the father the other man is surely the father.

sanya4good:
OP if I were in your shoes I would not seek for divorce or another separation for the sake of my 3 children. I will let my wife and her family know about my discovery and inform them that since she can not send the little child to her real father at this young age the following are my decisions:
1. That the child will not bear my family name but her real father's family name
2. I will in no way be responsible for her schooling and other financial issues
3. when she is of age and ready to enter secondary school she will be sent to her real father.

My one penny.

Sorry bro I don't think that's a good idea , why would you punish a innocent child for her mother sin? Don't you think letting her to go would be better than allowing her stay for you not to treat the child equally because the child will grow to know that her step father had never liked her it will affect her badly. If I choose to forgive and accept the child I will continue to be taking care of her just like I am doing now until the day she will leave my house. I will not treat her any different. Unfortunately I can't for my own sanity both mother and child must go

EdiskyHarry:
Any woman that cheats on you in marriage and even brought in a child that is not yours for you to raise has the tendency of poisoning your food one day.
This is my advice.

I don't even eat her food anymore neither do I share the same bed with her

zedegit:
Have you given birth before? Do you understand the horrible pains women go through pushing out babies?

I understand what she did was wrong but don't send her away. Confront her with the discovery, her response should guide your decision. If she's sober, give her a chance.

Remember some men also cheat, men like Yul Edochie and they expect their wife to forgive them.

#Cheating is wrong

But I am not yul neither a cheater , we have been married for 10 years and I have never cheated on her not even in my dreams. I forgave her for cheating on me and we gets back together without me knowing that she was pregnant if I knew she was carrying another man child I would have never accepted her in the first place.

bishopandy:
Sorry for whatever might have transpired. Please, I will like to know, is she also the child's mother because children are also switched at birth. So I will indulge you to delve further. Please, take heart and forgive so the child can have a happy home

Yes she is her birth mother she cheated on me with her colleague at work even though she denied the fact that he cannot be the father because they separated in July 2020 and she conceived in September 2020 which is a big lie

Judybash93:
I think there are agencies that run such tests for free in Lagos as a fight against paternity fraud. I'll let you know if you're interested. It'd be better to know now than to spend a lifetime raising kids that aren't yours. But, in my experience as well, fathers hardly make mistakes when it comes to identifying their kids. So, you might be right

No problem thanks like I said earlier I don't have doubts about my other 3 the reason why I had doubt about the baby is because she doesn't look like my wife or I. If she look like her I wouldn't doubt because it is normal for children to look exactly like mum or dad my other 2 looks like me and the other one look like his mum and I don't have doubts about them.

Saao:
Bro when I saw your message, I was angry in my soul and I took decision to send the woman away but in second thought which I believe its the right thing to do. Tell your wife the result of the DNA, let her inform the father of the child, give him the option of taking his child, if he didn't, consider her as ur adopted child for the sake of your other children. Broken home is the most terrible thing to imagine, don't go into it. Your wife is terrible

I haven't decide yet but sending her away will be better for my own sanity. My children will be fine they have a grandmother and a cousin who adore them they will help me to take care of them

Judybash93:
My man! I know what you're going through and I'll still advice that you go for a DNA test. They might be your plutonium copy but things dey happen

These 3 children not being mine it is the least of my worries. Why would I waste such a lot of money 130k ×3 when the truth is they are biologically mine. I rather use the money for their educations and welbeing than wasting it for dna.

Ganjafama:
If you don't want to die prematurely, divorce that woman now. Do it FAST!

Of course I will divorce her , I will call for a family meeting next week Sunday

deflover:
Read from AllaKaduna Nzeogwu Wall on Facebook
U will know what to do

Thanks

Ybaby:
Test the other kids too.... Test the ones that looks like you. Test all of them.

No need to test them because they are mine