Seems majority consensus is this:

MEN WANT RESPECT.

WOMEN WANT LOVE.

Torie8:

Well I think the two go together, you can't respect someone you don't love.

I think you can. Example, though I know this is not a romantic relationship, but you can deeply respect your friend/person but not love them.

jelel6:


Your knockouts no be here oh

However, on a serious note; are you saying respect is dependent on love?

That's odd I think. The girl I have had the deepest respect for I never loved. If I'm to pick a woman to marry blindly, I'd be her 100%.

There's a baseline respect I think every human should accord their fellow Human. However, some individuals are able to earn a deeper level of respect from people, mostly because these individuals mirror their shared values and/or outlook of life.

Hence, I believe married folks could fall out of love for each other and still have peace and a work-like relationship if they respect the other person.

For me though, the ideal marriage is built on love-trust-respect. Couples in it have the best chance of finding fulfilment.

You say Love - trust - respect...
With love coming first or Respect?

frozen70:
Love is what keeps marriage

If you love someone, you will respect him or her

Simple

I have friends that love their women, but show little respect behind their back. I have a suspicious eye on love

LordKO:


Don't mistake bond for either love or respect - by virtue of being siblings, a bond is automatically and naturally created. And the bond can be sustained with just a single end product of one/more constituents of love or with just saneness - care or sensitivity does it in the scenario you presented. Care, just like respect, loyalty, etc, is an end product of constituents of love - sensitivity, on the other hand, is a sign of saneness. Love remains encompassing.

Mutually shared ethical leaning is as strong as, if not stronger, than bond between siblings. As for siblings who share the same ethical leanings - strong ethical leanings - the mutual love is more refreshing than refreshment itself. LOL.

Though I don't agree with love leading to respect, this is a good argument for that

aeion:
RESPECT.

You can't have love without respect. You can respect someone you don't love, but can't love someone you don't respect.

I've heard this before, and it's the strongest point for respect. What do you say when the actions of the person you love make you lose respect for them?

LordKO:
Love - the big/action love which its feminine variation is submission. Love is a compound word/entity that is literally meaningless without its constituents, selflessness and humility (which are attributes) - it is encompassing. Respect/disrespect is one of end products of the constituents of love/lack of it. Saneness is a constant.

However, if you are talking about the smaller love (soft spot or fancy), it's fickle. 

Then it means you don't see a scenario where love and respect coexist separately. What would you say about love for a sibling, but no respect for that sibling based on behavior. You can love them without respecting them due to their actions.

Stephenmoka4:
Love beat respect anytime.

How so? Can you explain more.

missimelda01:
How can you even love someone when you don't respect them

It's either lust or infatuation.

It's possible.
But you can love your brother or sister, but their way of life would cause you not to respect them. You would love them dearly, but wish they could change.

Righteousness89:
Submission and Love

So you can stay with the same woman for 50 years even if you don't respect her that much?

saucecode:
For many,the fear of going back to square one. Two is always better than one financially

How will you suggest handling a woman you know can leave you at any time. She is more concerned about her status. In fact the word is not comprising on her respect. You as a man can go to blazes if you disrespect her... The type you can come home, without warning, meet an empty house..

opera1:
LOVE COVERETH ALL THINGS.

So will you agree, it's OK if a man loves his wife deeply, but cures his intellectual needs, or even one time sexual urges with another woman.

Reason - he love his wife, but she can't give him these needs, and he doesn't respect her enough to not ho outside for these stimulations.

Married men in the house, which do you see keeps your marriage - love for your wife or Respect for her?

On one hand, one lady who is all nice and sweet, puts all her emotions into the rship, but her attitude, intellect needs some work. You are ready to help build her, educate her but you fear you might not respect that much. Her dream is a loving husband.

On the other hand, another lady, is not the loving/romantic type type, a little cold, but she is responsible and smart. You respect her a lot, but it looks, you will both have to grow the love. She'll have the tendency, say any disrespect, I'm packing my bags instead of working things out. Her primary focus is to be respected in her marriage.

Lastly, what do you ladies want? I hear some women say love, some say respect, some say both. It varies based on those who believe strongly in love vs those who don't want disrespect from their husbands. But one thing is sure, most women deep down want one over the other.

Married men in the house, which do you see keeps your marriage - love for your wife or Respect for her?

On one hand, one lady who is all nice and sweet, puts all her emotions into the rship, but her attitude, intellect needs some work. You are ready to help build her, educate her but you fear you might not respect that much. Her dream is a loving husband.

On the other hand, another lady, is not the loving/romantic type type, a little cold, but she is responsible and smart. You respect her a lot, but it looks, you will both have to grow the love. She'll have the tendency, say any disrespect, I'm packing my bags instead of working things out. Her primary focus is to be respected in her marriage.

Lastly, what do you ladies want? I hear some women say love, some say respect, some say both. It varies based on those who believe strongly in love vs those who don't want disrespect from their husbands. But one thing is sure, most women deep down want one over the other.

anthonyuncle:
u see that one u claim is quiet, datz da real demon.

da day u will see her get angry, u will be terrified.

na her type dey do things wey dey make headlines.

she may be silent in words but bitter in her heart

I have tried to shake her but she is always matured, handles issues calmly..

Oluromantic:
Forget about the first, being emotional isn't bad but she needs to work on her esteem despite the emotions. She will drain peace out of you with her thin him line of patience.

You should perform a compatibility test on the second one. Provoke her; ignore her while she's present, quarrel with her over not washing for you or for not giving you some money you need or you not giving her a money she asks for, let her catch you with other girls or calling other girls etc. Her reaction will portray her real being and you will know whether she means those comments she dropped or she's just posting for fun.

If she goes wild in anger or resort to silence and ignore you totally despite begging her, then she's been pretending. You can reconcile with her for peace sake but you'll need to keep your options open. But if she feels bad but your little begging is enough to return her to sanity, then she's peaceful. The idea is there's no one without temper but some temper are gentle, some are violent. Some women(phlegmatics) despite their gentle temper are still easily forgiving. You see that issue of "when a woman says no, she means yes" does not apply to all women. Some women are still sane, simple and straight.

Anyway, that's just an idea, you shd also pray too cus women are black markets, their real nature comes out in marriage.

OK thanks. I'll try some of the things you mentioned here.

The only thing similar to this is I ignored her calls for half a day, and the next day (I knew she was unhappy), all she said was go back to where you are coming from. By the day after, she was talking normally.

Lastly, she has said a couple of times, that she is melancholic/moody. I haven't really seen that or feel she is.

temblor1:
Make her luggage pass screening as she enter house na em you go decode watsup wether na secretive or dumb n deaf

LOL. I've reasoned that angle �

I have 2 lady friends.

One is a bit aggressive, voices opinions, emotional, yabs a lot, somewhat can't say much about emotional balance. But in all this, seems nice, says her mind, no hidden agenda. Drama everytime. Even intellectual debate can turn into argument.

The second is quiet, calm, more thinks through, can have something on her mind and you won't know. She has dropped comments like, poison a guy if he cheats, men at times don't have sense etc. But no drama, so fast plenty of piece of mind.

Funny thing is even with secretive nature of Lady 2, and the loaded comments, I feel more comfortable/at peace with her. What could be the reason?

Is this what they mean by the devil you know (or can predict) is better then the one you can't? Or am I missing something?

I remember when I was a teenager, a girl i was involved with, she was older, said I need a strong woman.

I've always been confused what that meant. Is it strong as in aggressive, opinionated, takes charge etc? Somehow I see strength as mental toughness, discipline, stand on your values.

So I see some quiet women and I am impressed with their strength, but seems like everyone's else image is more of a goal getter, and the quiet ones are pushovers.

I am very aggressive and I find women that have gra gra don't attract me, but those quiet ones do. Could the quiet resilient ladies be the ones the girl in my teenage years was referring too?

adeboi1:



Bro post this on www.Manymen.men you will get the appropriate answers

Thanks

Prec1ous:
Choose between B and C. When I am done, you will know which between the two.

A

I ruled her out because of different values. In marriage your values must align. Also, she is too open with other, this is really bad for some occupation like becoming a politician.

Does not like children, she is out! Except you don't like kids too.

B

She still loves her ex and will never love you the way she loved before. She had become too experienced, that is what consecutive heartbreaks can cause. That is why she is withholding herself intentionally. You have to make her loosen up. She loves you but but will hold back to protect herself.

Let us say, she is playing safe and waiting for when she will say "I was right not to give my all". Do not ever go through her phone because the skeletons there are numerous.

If you want her, you need to discus the past, tell her to stop acting because that babe is pretending big time.

You need to assure her that you really care in words and actions. But tell her that, you also know she still look out there and what is she looking for? It is important you let her know you know what she is doing.

Something you need to know, you are right. She is still shopping for the best guy and very open to jump ship. But the good thing is, you can become that best guy by being all she wants.

You will always have a weird feeling about her like something is wrong, and yes it it but she herself does not know because she is still hung up to her pasts. It will take long but as long as her heart hurts.



C

Do you know that intelligence can rub off? If you are very intelligent, she will pick up to. Though she may not solve physics but she will become very smart in life just by associating with so her not being intelligent is now an issue.

The issue with her is that, she is young and thus inexperienced. Every woman needs to see life and realize on her own that their is nothing else out there.

Has she been heartbroken once before? If no, along the line in the future after the kids she will always feel like you caged her and someday demand that freedom in actions or in words.

She seems easy now but will become the hardest due to emotional issues she will cause you. She is yet to discover herself fully.

If you are the controlling type, stay clear of her. Her calmness now is because she has not fully realized herself and with increasing intelligence, you will become an ideal specimen for her emotional experiments.

---

Make your choice, no one is perfect. They all come with baggages but stick with the person you can carry their baggages easily.

Men, you are a great guy, some info and some thoughts I didn't put in the initial write up, but you have intelligently deduced these insights.

I think i know what to do, it's just going to be difficult and hurtful. Guess getting advice from others will let me know if I am doing the right thing.

Thanks.

Onyenna:
Hope you ain't the "money flaunting" type?..... Cos it might be very hard for you..... I gat my reasons for asking.....

Number 3 seems like the kinda lady you can still help mould into the kinda woman you want[with proper guidance]....

No I don't flaunt, but in all humility, I think it is obvious I am doing relatively well. 1 and 3, I feel don't care about money, but you know women, if future is secure, they won't fret. 2 sometimes wants me to spend on her, though I often clear her. I feel because other guys always spend on her. (she is pretty)

lefulefu:
hm op only u na baba for d gehls.not an easy feat maintaining three fully grown women for dis buhari regime

Funny enough, none bother me for money, only no 2, and even that, most times I clear her I am investing my funds.

MrBrownJay1:
bro, if you are dating 3 babes and claim you dont know which is best for you, then it is obvious that NONE of them is...

You know this thought ran through my mind, but I think I am just been picky since they are all great. Isn't it better to make it a choice and make it work?

I am very adaptable guy, so I can handle most reasonable women. Because I can handle most, seems I can date quite a variety of girls without issues.

Eze2000:
Your way is not the right way but if you must walk dow that lane. if you must make a choice this way, No. 2 is it.

I'm interested in why you say 2

thesicilian:
Keep the 3 if you can maintain them.

I can maintain them, but I want to be serious and settle down

pocohantas:
The girl in this your story

https://www.nairaland.com/5238984/how-know-womans-true-character

Is Girl 1, 2, 3


Or 4?

This is 2

I want advice from elders so I use my head + heart together. Help me pick who you think is most compatible. I'm not perfect, they are not.

I thought of simply picking the girl I just couldn't bear losing, not telling to again. Is that a bad idea? what are your thoughts, any ideas?

C - perfect person you would want to manage your home, your kids, responsible, not materialistic, young though, strong character. Just seems too young for me, age gap, I get bored talking to her but I admire her a lot. She is not top of the class (intelligence is not everything in life, not even 10%) but again detracts from conversations.

B - she behaves exactly like the kind of woman I want to be in a romantic relationship, but sometimes I don't know how much of it is genuine, plus tho she is smart, she sees beauty as her selling point. Na brainy I like �I've not really seen her willing to sacrifice personally, maybe with time. I have one funny feeling she will like her children more than me �. Maybe I am Mr securing the bag (future)

A - I love her personality, perfect, can sacrifice anything for me, but we have a background clash, and her values will be misaligned with mine in the future when I pursue some life goals of mine. Doesn't really like children. Also she is so nice & open, she is unaware when people play mind games with her. My life style attracts enemies. I fear they will use her to get to me.

I am confused. I used to take love as a feeling but heartbreak don scatter that line of thought.

I see it more as a choice. There are 3 girls, dunno which is best for me. They all want a serious relationship to marriage. First thing first, they all great women!