₦airaland Forum

SniperD:
Lovely and funny....keep it up...and dude a personal request abi question when that girl character go return?
And am yet to see some of the things you mentioned in the title

lol. Don't worry.... The girl(s) episodes are on the way...

'let us prayer' jeez.. To think its a punchline to make the story more interesting... Its a big mistake, infact am just seeing my typographical error now... Well, its for the good.. Lol.. That's one problem about typing with dictionary...

More updates tomorrow friends.

Episode 16.

'Guy hurry na, enter bathroom baff make we go hear word of God' Emma giggled, making jest of Theo. Like seriously, even Emma was surprised at the sudden change in character of Theo, or should I say, career.

Twenty minutes later, we were in a bus on our way to 'Big man Church'. Why was it called 'Big man Church' if you may ask. The church building and interior was heaven on earth, it was rumoured that the building was built in three days. Power of money, did I say three days? Well I won't talk further on that. Na 'them' talk am but I no believe. The building premises, design, gardens could just be called in simple terms as paradise. Whoever attended this church was damn stinking rich.

'God be with you young Sir(s).' The gateman greeted with queens English. Choi, this gateman was probably a PhD holder. 'You can Pay your pass in the church's bank over there' He added pointing to the bank behind us.

'Ermm Sir, we are here in respect to Reverend T.' Emma spoke out. I couldn't remember the last time Emma spoke good English.

'Oh, you two are his servants in the lord, you both are highly welcome' The gateman welcomed us ushering us into the church.

'Servants in the lord, Choi I don suffer, make I catch the so called Theo abi wetin be that him name sef, Reverend T. Rubbish!' Emma mumbled out loud though I heard it, fortunately the gateman was afar off and probably didn't hear it.

I walked as I cursed Theo within me. Servants in the lord indeed, well we were lucky not to have paid the gate pass of five hundred thousand while I fed my eyes on the building designs which I might never be opportune to see again. We were led into the church where praises and worship had already begun. We sat in the workers section where most of the ushers sat and quickly joined in the praise and worship.

I sighted Theo from afar wearing a long black robe just like those the pastors abroad and overseas wore. His hand was held up with a bible in his hand as he did what he did, (Only he understood what he was doing). Wait, was it only me or had Theo magically grown a moustache? I was amazed, Theo looked completely different and one could mistake him for being a 'real' reverend.

Praise and worship was now over and a junior pastor took the mic.

'I humbly invite our able Reverend, physical and spiritual, the man who is called to be a fisher of men, Reverend T from the United states of America, to grace the alter' He said while the whole congregation stood up and began clapping for the so-called Reverend. I laugh out loud, Theo who had never crossed the river out of his village was now from America? You must be kidding me.

Theo majestically walked up to the alter and took the Mic.

'Let us prayer' Was the first thing that came out of his mouth.

Oh! If only he knew what was about to happen, he would have humbly soaked garri in his room in peace.

Hey!! See this boi.... You are using my surname? Hmmn.. Carry on boss.

Onemansquad:
u no lyk moni?
Kinwayne 9c u ar makin it
i avnt started reading d story tho bt wil stat
#stil i folow

Onemansquad.. I hail oo..

Next update comes up at 8pm... Lemme go do some washing

Princesschi:
Following u bumper to bumper

make Theo no go fall his hand o, make e better respect himself stay houz find garri soak.

My dear! You go mind am? Him second name na trouble...

Episode 15.

Days later after the 'Ojimoimoi' incident, I came home from lectures to meet Emma knocking Fifa14 with one laptop like that, that he must have gotten from his numerous 'find and keeps' missions. (He didn't go for lectures because of the Ojimoimoi slaps, the hair on his head is yet to grow).

I flinged my bag in a corner of the room and hurriedly joined him as I took a pad to play with him.

'How lectures today na?' Emma asked without even looking up from the laptop.

'Lectures just be like kilode, that yeye Eng103 lecturer wey no dey come class teach just come today begin dey bombard test for person head' I replied, selecting my football team and formation in the process.

'Eyah I pity you' Emma mocked me, while I slapped that his head that was shining brighter than traffic lights.

'Na who you dey pity? See charcoal pot dey pity gas pot, this your head wey sweet to slap' I said, tickling him which made him giggle.

'And we are up and running!' The Artificial Intelligence commentator announced as we began our match. I was using Real Madrid while he used Chelsea. He was a die hard chelsea fan.

Bang! Bang! A knock at the door. We ignored it and continued our match.

Goalllllll Just 10minutes into the match, I had scored a goal by the ever best Cr7.

Bang! Bang! Continuous knocking at the door.

'Who be that?' Emma yelled.

'Na me' The voice replied.

'You who?' Emma questioned.

'Open this door before Ogun strike you for there' The voice ordered. No doubts it was Theo. That was his style of knocking and answering.

Emma beckoned on me to open the door which I refused, while he eventually went to open it himself.

Goalllllll I scored a second goal by my man Cr7. Emma looked at me scornfully because I cheated. He had already dropped his pad when I scored my flawless goal. Nevertheless, he still went to open the door for Theo.

'Una carry woman ni wey to open this una door, person go spend eternity for outside?' Theo asked 'You really need Jesus o!'.

'Nut for your head loose abi?' Emma cursed while Theo ignored him as usual and rushed to take Emma's pad. Emma joined us seconds later as he helplessly had to watch us play.

'Ehen guy, I don nail am o' Theo said joyfully while we looked confused.

'Nail wetin?' Emma and I simultaneously asked.

'Una know that big man church for mile 10? That rich man church na wey just to enter gate you go must pay 500 Grand' Theo said pointing to an imaginative direction to explain his point.

Emma and I nodded our head unanimously.

'That church wey ministers and presidents dey attend' Emma said.

'That church wey the A.c and interior design fit make angel park Come down from heaven' I added.

'Exactly' Theo affirmed. 'Them don call me, Reverend T. To come minister for their weekly night service today oo' Theo added excitedly.

'Ehen, how that one take happen, how comes, since when you become reverend' We both bombarded him with questions while he laughed.

'Make una dey there. You are now talking to Reverend T. Physical and Spiritual. I even dey invite una come my service today, and omo, the pay na in 12 zeros oooo'

'Choi! You wey be devil incarnate? Wetin concern you and Church?' I fired Theo while he just continued laughing.

He stood up and headed for the door,
'Big man church for mile 10, 8pm tonight. Be there!' with that he left our room without one more word.

If only he knew what awaited him there, he wouldn't have even wished it to happen to his enemy.

Hmmn, Theo & Church? How do they relate? I can vividly remember forcing Theo to church just last Sunday which he didn't even oblige but here he is, going to minister in a church as a reverend? Am sure he would begin quoting from the books of Abraham and Jacob.

Story Story!

Thank you all for your wonderful and encouraging comments.... It has really been an inspiration.... God bless you all and also the mod who took my little art to fp... I appreciate...
Updates loading shortly..


Okay who wants to receive 'The hand of ojimoimoi?'

Estellar:
Absolutely hilarious!!!!! *kisses*

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm... I receive the kisses...

It might have been a movie, don't know abt that, but its a story and my idea is different....

Episode 14.

Kposa! A thunderous and sounding Igbati slap landed on Emma's head. Was this what he meant by 'The Hand of Ojimoimoi?'. I was surprised when Emma didn't take it as anything but began singing,

'Ojimoimoi Ojimoimoi go give me money Ojimoimoi' He happily chorused.

The baba sprinkled a little amount of water on Emma's head making it wet and ready for another kabashing slap.

Kpowa! I changed the sound effects. This slap, this time no be here. Choi, Emma's shining head was now glowing red ( see rhymes abeg), Emma's voice dropped a bit when he chorused,

'Ojimoimoi Ojimoimoi go give me money Ojimoimoi'

The baba then cleaned the water from Emma's head with a napkin then he poured some quantities of groundnut oil on Emma's head, making it as smooth as a newly built road by Julius berger as it sparkled 'Brighter than a Diamond'.

'Kpawai!' Was it only me or was Emma's head smoking with butterflies circling around it. This slap na die!. Emma's voice changed instantly and became more faint as he chorused

'Ish, aish, Ojimoimoi Ojimoimoi ouch go give me money, Ojimoimoi'

The baba was busy humming his usual 'Ojimoimoi' incantations. He reached for the powder, pouring some on Emma's head. Now Emma's head dazzled and sparkled more than the seven stars.

Kaboom! This slap was not only sounding but was deafening. Emma's voice had now changed to cries.

'Ojimoimoi go give mtchew Moimoi'

I couldnt hold back my laughter. Emma was already broken and one more slap could result in unforseen outcomes.

Kposa! Kpowa! Kpawai! Kaboom! Four graduating slaps landed on Emma's 'I pity' head. By now, Emma was not just crying but was wailing. Who wouldn't wail?

'Ojimoimoi mtchew Oji Oji moimoi, yay my head' Emma cried

As if the baba hadn't had enough, he pulled the ultimate string which Even Emma couldn't resist.

The baba sprinkled quantities of water on Emma's head, then added groundnut oil to it, finally mixing it up with a gust of powder. Looking at Emma's head from where I sat, I began to feel sorry for him (sorry It). His head had turned naturally red, with the outline of The baba's hand all over it. I sat keenly looking at what the baba wanted doing next when he baptized and rained Emma's head with a downfall of slaps.

Kpa! Kpa! Kposa! Kpowa! Kpawai! Kaboom! The baba rained Emma's head with slaps while Emma screamed jerking up in the process.

Wait, am looking for the sound effects to use here. Shey, you all have watched Tom & Jerry? Those sounds made by Tom after Jerry gets back at him or revenges.

'Yay! Wayo! Wayo! Haba mallam maiyesa kaimini kaka,which meant, Choi mallam, wetin I do wey make you do me so?' Emma screamed holding his bald head, sorry bald red head as he ran out of the house. I never knew he understood hausa.

'My pikin, na you be next to receive the hand of Ojimoimoi' The baba said to me, while I hissed and stood up jejely.

I didn't need to be told to park my kaya and leave that place else I might even receive worst than Emma. To hell with money making rituals.

Emma learnt his lesson and from that day on, I never failed to tease him about what happened in the baba's shrine.

Oh and ofcourse, Emma's head is now growing in full scale, he couldn't go to lectures for two complete weeks due to his bad head, or bald head.

Episode 13.

The baba had this wicked grin on his face as he moved towards Emma making me feel extremely uneasy. He smiled sheepishly, revealing his two open gates.

Sharpening the knives against each other, He brought it closer to Emma's head as he began shaving every inch off. I was amazed by his skill, with 'just' two kitchen knives, Emma's head was shining and as smooth as zidanes's own. Mehn, I could use Emma's head as mirror if I wanted to because his molo skin shown 'Brighter than a diamond'

Emma and I exchanged glances, his facial expression was now calm and relax, as he didn't fail to begin singing excitedly.

The baba dropped the two knives on the floor closeby, as he went in search of something in his inner room. He returned minutes later with a cup of groundnut oil, A white powderish substance which might just have been white powder and a bucket of water.

'Now my son, When the hand of Ojimoimoi comes upon you' The baba spoke out. 'Make you must dey chorus 'Ojimoimoi Ojimoimoi', You don hear?' The baba instructed, expertly transiting between English and pidgin, while Emma nodded instantly beaming with smiles.

If only we understood what he meant by 'The hand of Ojimoimoi'!

Jesus!!!!!!! What am I seeing?? Frontpage? I owe you guys an avanlache of updates...... Thank you very much guys

eunisam:
kinwayne

How far na?

Hello friends.

What is your take on the story so far?

What would you have to say about the storyline or plot?

Humbly Expecting your criticisms and comments... Thanks..

Love y'all...

almacherish:
I'm here o.... Nice story kinwayne

You're welcome dear.. What shall we offer you?

Episode 12.

The next day which was tuesday was much awaited with anxiety by Emma. He couldn't even sleep all through the night. He was in high spirits, singing songs only he must have written.

'My own don palaka yeeh, I say my own don palaka' He would sing aloud disturbing me with his incessant noise.

'Emma!, this your own don too much o, which kind nonsense be this na, make person hear word jare' I yelled.

'Point of correction, from now on, you are speaking to High Chief Emmabodike, business tycoon billionaire operating and dominating. You get that? I no one hear rubbish from your mouth again' Emma warned, as he left my bed wing.

I laughed within me and shrugged it off. I wouldn't want to appear like an enemy of progress to Emma's plans so I left him to be.

The gift of a new sunrise was received with a thankful heart.

We both left for lectures early that morning as we hurriedly prepared for our appointment with the baba later that Evening.

5:45pm. Emma and I were already on our way to the baba's supposed shrine. We finally arrived at a tattered house in the outskirts of the city. The roof had leakages as wide as my mothers pot of soup. The walls were nothing to write home about, apparently, someone in his right senses would think twice before coming to live in this type of house.

Emma entered without a second thought but I stood outside, I was already creeped out. I involuntarily entered with a mind of stone but what I saw scared me to the bone.

The house was littered with human hair here and there. From the door frame to the wrecked couches. Everywhere you turned, you would surely see locks of hair. I managed to contain my fears inside me, while Emma on the other hand was whistling away excitedly; Wasn't he seeing what I was seeing? He just sat on a marked spot on the floor with legs crossed humming and humming.

I nearly pee'd on my pants when the door opposite us opened ajar and out came an old man with long white beards. His beards looked as if he had acted the movie 'Wizard of Oz', He looked fearful.

He motioned us to sit on a marked spot in the room and we instantly obeyed.

'I know wetin una come for and una don come for the right place. All una problem is already solved' The baba said.

Emma had already began smiling sheepishly, just like the donkey character in the movie 'Shriek'.

'Oya, who dey come forward first? Who wan become the next billys gateman?' The baba asked in his night school tutored English.

Emma and I exchanged glances, he didn't need to tell me that this was his cue so I let him go first. He stood up and moved closer to the baba who showed him a stomp to sit on. The baba began singing,

'Ojimoimoi Ojimoimoi, ojimoimoi go give you money, ojimoimoi!' He sang as he brought out a parcel from a hidden parch, revealing two sharp kitchen knives.

Both hand in hand, he advanced towards Emma who looked frightened.

What was he about to do?

D9ty7:
Since Fembleez1 already said you are good to go. I believe you are good to go.
In other news, d9ty7 is still very much around.

My oga don talk... I rest my case!

ezeigbo194:
how you take catch me self me just dey read for ghost mode u r doing a great job fire on.......morning people..

Lmao... Nice to see you comment... Expecting much of ur encouragements in future..

Bluestarry:
i don come

Nice of you to drop by.. What shall we offer you?

Fembleez1:
That's cool to hear about bro,it is a sign of improvement we all crave,........I will point out anything I find not to be acceptable/recognised in the english language when/if I find one




At the moment,nothing to say than,keep the good work bro.

Thank you very plenty

Fembleez1:
Been here bro,right from the start!!

ofcourse u are... Still waiting for ur constructive criticisms.. (lest u forget,i use dictionary in my keypad now)

Tags;

Stagg,olashas,Shaxee,fembleez1,harjibolar10,fatalveli,d9ty7,therock5555,audreytimms,temitopedaniel,safarigirl,crowny1,ali1king,tiffanyj,kayemjay,almacherish,chistar01,royver,vonn,athanatos,oma4u,vantee,divepen,queennelly,dicefrost,candy,flakkydagirl,teebashy,bluestarry,gracile,kingzpen,wunmi590,onemansquad,supermartins,handie,stuff46,labaski,tecno4life, iceberylin,Mprex,MizMyColi,lalasticlala,laykorn, RedBenson,Bunsky,Buqqui,Dopeyomi... and the rest i didnt mention

Would be glad, to see you guys grace my thread.. Thanx

Good night friends.. Would continue the story tomorrow...

prettydiva89:
headteacher headmaster headquaters infact the boy na headson...love the way u write your story it makes me laugh...keep it up

This girl, you're just gingering my swagger... I can continue typing till tomorrow morning just cuz of you o..

prettydiva89:
boys no even get mouth like ifeoma ooo

thanx dear. I see you!! 8-)

Episode 11.

I watched anxiously at what was about to happen. Ifeoma had left the field to my dismay but I was surprised when she returned minutes later with a very gorgeous girl. Choi!! This girl make sense die!. I stood and folded my arms in akimbo watching what Ifeoma's plan was.

The girl went towards FM's direction and stood in front of him. She began acting like she was waiting for someone, as she would glance at her wristwatch every second.

Some how, FM managed to dispose the girl he was playing love with while he approached the beautiful girl. They began to discuss somethings which I couldn't really hear but both FM and the girl began laughing as they shifted into the bushes closeby with FM already unbuckling his belt.

Next thing I knew, she started yelling and shouting beckoning the boys in the field to come that FM wanted to rape her.

Omo, field boys blood hot as they saw the fine babe this guy wanted to f'up. FM on the otherhand couldn't deny or say anything since his trouser was loosed and unbuckled.

Next thing I knew, FM was rolling on the floor with a broken head, bruises all over his body and blood all over his cloth.

The rest is history sha. From that day on, whenever FM saw me, he would lie flat on floor greeting me with respect....

'Val! Val!' A tap on my shoulders.

'Valentine!!' I was brought back to campus reality. It was Emma.

'Chai, this hot afternoon, you just dey daydream? Since I dey call your name you just do as if them remove the socket for your brain' Emma said.

'You dey craze abi? Person no fit siddon reason life?' I asked while Emma started laughing hard. This his laughter really infuriates me, but he's fortunate enough that I have eaten morning food.

'You mean life of hunger and garri?' Emma asked, while I looked away as he continued his infectious laughter. Someone need ed to spank some sense into this boy.

'I no get your time today at all, I don dey go, make I see how afternoon food go set for me' I replied, making to leave but he drew me back.

'Guy, On a more serious note, E get something wey I one discuss with you o'. Emma began, with seriousness written on his face.

'No be you wey I know? You done ever talk better thing for your life before?' I fired while he hissed and dragged me to a closeby bench behind our faculty.

'You na poor man na, your own thinking no be here!' He countered. 'But I dey serious for this matter o, abeg siddon make we yarn'

I looked at his face and saw genuinty, so I sat and he began.

'See, E get one baba like that for (address withheld). That baba strong and he get power to make boys rich yanfuyanfu' He looked at me to make sure he was driving his point to me.

'Which day you start to dey go meet babalawo? You dis boy, I no even trust you again o. I no dey go meet any babalawo at all, infact I don vex, I no want talk to you again' I said, standing up to leave while he held me down to sit.

'Guy believe me, this one no be babalawo, this baba na confirm baba wey done make plenty plenty people rich for this campus' He looked at me again, this time awaiting my response.

'Guy, babalawo na babalawo, I no want make person begin dey ask me for breast of mosquito, pregnant pikin of cockroach or head of headascorse.' I questioned him but it seemed Emma already knew I was gonna prove stubborn as he answered all my questions like a jambito.

'Guy forget that talk' Emma began, 'You know that guy wey dey for faculty of arts? That guy wey get big head as if him be headboy?' Emma asked.

'Yea, That guy wey him mother be headteacher and the father be headmaster wey them dey live for headquarters?' I replied.

'Exactly!' Emma affirmed. 'That guy done hammer o'.

'Talk True' I asked.

'I swear, na him even tell me some things about the baba. Say the baba no even collect one 'Pim' of money for him hand or say make him do any ritual. Guy I don hammer oooo' Emma said excitedly.

'I no get option again na, make we go meet the baba, abi how you see am?' I asked, trying not to cut his moral.

'Na now you come! Infact, one bottle for my head!' Emma excitedly said as we both laughed.

Hmmm, my dear readers, What happened in the visit to the baba's shrine is a story for the gods...

Viewing this topic: chrisbaby24(m), Holanid(f), ezeigbo194(m), dhebor258, kinwayne(m) and 1 guest(s)

Abeg make una drop comments oo

solomonbrown64:
....lol..oya, 2nd update

lol,for ur constant comments,i go make am three

Episode 10.

I thought the dude saw me coming but I was wrong, his gaze was focused on a beautiful girl coming upfront. She probably was his girlfriend. I stopped, looked at him again and noticed he still had'nt seen me. His girlfriend had reached where he was and they where already all lovey dovey.

I smiled, reached for my phone in my shorts and called Ifeoma. Ifeoma was a close friend of mine, she was tall and fair in complexion, average height and robust body. She was from a high class family which made her spend money like her father owned central bank. She has been begging me to make her my girlfriend but I refused, all because she has this tomboy character. I knew what I had in mind, so Ifeoma was just the right person to implement it.

She soon appeared in the field and met me where I was hiding, but all she had in mind was thinking I called her for what she had in mind.

'Val darling, am so happy you called me today, oya lets go to MrBiggs lets talk' She said, dragging my arm but I stood still, She then saw I wasn't looking alright, so she asked what the problem was and I told her everything; She instantly became angry and vexed, just what I planned in mind.

'Val show me who do you this kind thing now, make I bury the person six feet down!' Ifeoma started 'halla'ing'.

'Babe calm down, just calm down....' She interjected me before I even finished my statement.

'No just tell me to calm down, how person go beat my future husband expect make I calm down? Na dying levels the person dey now I swear' Ifeoma cursed, while I kept mute but continued looking at the direction of the dude who beat me up; She must have traced my eyesight as she angrily asked

'Na FM do you this thing?'

'The guy name na FM?'

'So na even am? I swear, that boy don dey try me since for this school and e be like say na today I go show am!' She said as she angrily left my presence while I just stood fixed in that position watching the drama that would unfold.

ProfGday:
still typing abi since Jan3 ehenn? I'M ALLERGIC TO WHITE LIES...

Rotflmao... Been really busy bro,so sorry... Promise two updates tonight

solomonbrown64:
....still waiting

sorry for the delay, more updates loading