₦airaland Forum

mutter:
Lady Dee,
Times are changing!! What exactly is changing.? I see no changes in the relationship between man and woman, at least no serious one. Modern laws and financial independece have given women an option
However a woman who does not perform in her role as a woman, i mean the duties of a wife that have been laid down from the beginning -how long does the marriage last or if it does how happy is it.
The only thing I see is that tere are more options. there are also more broken homes than before.

Hmm, there are serious changes in relationships between man and woman,
Put aside modern laws and financial independance, like it or not gender roles are changing too and this is due to people being more modern and moving with the TIMES!

My father is my idol, he is a TYPICAL proud Igbo man,
I hardly saw my dad cook for my mother,
never seen him do any chores (his 3 daughters do that), his beliefs, morals and values are that of a typical cultured MAN during his time and it was down to his upbringing and surroundings,
My husband is the opposite of him, but still highly respects him for it!

Like it or not those womans duties your talking about are taken up by MEN now, im not talking abt my husband but ive seen too many examples where husband and wifes roles seem weird to me , But these couples have been together working in that manner happily into their OLD age,

mutter:
Lady Dee
Culture is not silly. It is very imprtant and you will do well to hid it or at least put it into consideration.
This is not only about culture but also the law of natur. Go read your Bible you would see that the message is there too.
I advise you to get acquainted with being a woman, it takes more than just lipstick.

Most women think they are modern, equal etc but you just get all mixed up and end up unhappy.
A woman has no right to cheat on her husband just because he is doing the same, neither does his absence give her that right. If the woman is unhappy, or needs affection that does not give her reason either. She needs to remain faithful in her marriage.

Abeg spare me of that nonsense regarding culture!  
I know my own very well, so please drop that nonsense!

Its funny how people choose to use culture as their scapegoat for WRONG DOING when they pick and choose!
@ Mutter whether man or woman cheating from either end is WRONG, straight and simple, it is black and white, NO GREY AREA!!!

Lol, your living in a dreamworld my dear! So you say most woman think they are equal and modern but end up unhappy?
Interesting, times are changing but it seems your still stuck in the past and not quite catching up,
Why should there be double standards with regard to cheating?

Both male/female have no RIGHT to cheat on saying their wedding vows in the eyes of God, Simple!
Both should respect themselves.

mutter:
Okay so why did she do it?
What reason do you think justifies it-
in need of affection,money, payback etc

Why should I keep my opinion to myself, when one seeks opinions he is bound to hear different ones, even ones that don`t please him.
UJUJoan- do you want to honestly justify a wife`s infidelity with something like the man cheating?
Strictly speaking the African tradition allows for a man to be polygamous and it is the law of nature that the male has more than one partner. OVer the years this natural instinct has been subjected to laws made by man proclaiming monogamy but these laws cannot curb the natural instinct of a male in most cases.
However as a woman I must say that i prefer having my male to myself

TUFIAKWA GI!!!!
What!!!

Wait, are you seriously trying to say its ok for a guy to cheat it under those useless traditions your blabbin on about??

SHAAAAME!! SHHHAAAMMME on YOU for even uttering that GARBAGE!!! 

mutter:
Rather an END without horror than horror without END.

You need to understand something about how women funktion.
Women do not have an uncontrollable desire for se-. At a certain age the se- is only a part of a package, tenderness, affection, financial benefit etc-
This woman betrayed you she was unfaithfull.
Distance is no excuse for a woman to betray a man-NONE at all. Besides you were never seperated that long.
If a woman wants to betray a man, she goes out and hides. Bringing a man into the home. Boy that is a big problem a total lack of disrespect.
You cannot trust this woman and cannot plan with her in the future. You will have to get all your kids tested in the future to know if they were yours.
Think about this. A man dating a married woman is a man that has little control , he must have several girls on the line, which means the risk of getting you infected is very high.

I find it funny that you are taliking of a pregnancy test- I would have her tested for STD`s.
You know one of the greatest joys of being husband and wife is knwing that the se- is safe. No STD`s and no fear of unwanted pregnancies.
I am very sorry for you but put an End to the horror or keep on living in horror and don`t put an end.
Because a woman who has past that sacred bound once and betrayed her husband, will have no inhibitions about doing it again.

The bolded is my concern, she had no reason as to why she did it which to me shows she has no respect for you, she no dey fear at all!!!!

I have way to much respect for my husband, and too much respect and dignity for myself to even think of trying what she did,
I fear what my hubby would do, to God who made me, he's never been violent, a gentle giant actually but in such cases, who knows what he could do after such a betrayal,

I dont ever advise people to separate, i advise to try and make it work but if TRUST or SAFETY is gone Permanently, im sorry i neednt say the rest,

switchfoot:
Thanks so much for your counsels, I sincerely appreciate.
I switched on my phone last night and as expected chains of sms dropped in from her, less that 5 minutes into that, her call came in, before she spoke I asked her why she choose to betray us , I asked why she choose to be evil by committing such act, I told her am not interested in what transpired between her and the lover but why did she betray my trust, respect and all.
After the call, I went home to meet her because I felt I needed to hear her, she said she has no explanation for her actions that if I send her packing am justify but she regrets and she is ashamed of herself, I ask her for the period of time she has been cheating on herself but I realise probing deep into her affairs only triggers the beast in me so I stopped. I so much felt like hitting her but I controlled my nerves.
I have actually been praying for the strength to forgive her totally, I know it is hard, the thought keeps replaying, but the truth is divorce is out of my options for now. I told her to resign so that she can be with me here in Lagos, i don’t want to involve family members for now, it is either they make or mar the whole thingy and I don’t want the situation to degenerate into something more difficult to handle.
Since my trust has been brutalised, her resignation has to be done within 24 hrs, either she is paid her entitlement or not I care not, but by tonight I expect her to have quit her job, upon arrival she will be going for a pregnancy test to know ahead if there is a fruit for her adultery. If negative fine and if positive am sorry she has to abort.
It really a tough one, my home is like a grave yard, the silence, the guilt, the cold. No man wants to go through this.

I know its hard, but you did the right thing, right now, she shouldnt even make mouth abt the resignation with immediate effect!!
she has messed up BIG TIME, and therefore must carry her cross, whether she gets her entitlement or not does not even consign you,
You've taken thr first step as the MAN and given instruction, things should change from here on out,

It will take time to heal and rebuild that trust, but you will surely be ok and find it in your heart to forgive,
I wish you the best!

leadteam:
Where is carolence and Big_Man.

My Opinion.
The marriage is all over before it started. if the above story is true, Man, it is hard but you have to move onnnn. 5 years of relationship, marriage and all investment is gone. Alllllllll gone man. it is painful but that is the reality. The trust can never come back no matter what. Count your loss, thank God you are alive, Bounce back and better but please do not go for distance relationship again. Once beaten twicw shy.

@Lady Dee,
let us call a spade a spade, Its all the woman's fault. She promised to get a transfer to lagos , now she is relaxing on another man's lap after becoming MRS.

@Poster,
You have to check yourself and ask Can you live with it even if she promised to change (she will not change sha)
Be ready to withsatnd pressure when you are back to your base. She is going to beg and use all means to tell you its the devil, she is going to use people to beg and beg and beg

I don't really know what is going on in our society again, that is how one women replaced his husband picture with that of a boyfriend the other time. In no time, the ladies will be blaming they guys that they don't want to marry them

How exactly?
The guy should have put his foot down and made sure she moved to lagos, !!
Instead i dont even know what exactly they were doing that it got to this stage!
Abeg, siddown first cool down jare

Men can be just as bad if not worst at times, there own excuses are too long to list when their caught red handed, trousers around the ankles!!

When its vice versa im sure your answer would have been different!! mcheeew!

They are not mentally stable, such people should be sterilised to ensure no child they bear will ever experience such negligence!!

Gadols:
This is a hard nut to crack. Its better imagined than experienced. I put myself in his shoes and wonder what I would do. Its not unlikely the marriage will end. I can't see myself loving my wife again. Its a difficult situation for any man. For me, I will end it. There is enough ground for that.

Enough ground even though they were both at fault?
Thats too hasty in my opinion, Yes, its a difficult situation but thats why they are married,
You will hit obstacles whether big or small but it will come down to how you deal with it.

Hmm @ OP,
I will say what im about to say because it is the truth,
The child is not from you and your husband, she is a product of your husbands past and deep down, if you search your soul, you know in your heart of hearts that it bothers you, hence the jealousy and insecurity.

Why? Because it means the ex wife will FOREVER be in your lives like it or not, You entered it with your eyes WIDE open so it is a conequence you must live with,

Now, You are step mother, Your role is to support your husband with regard to the child in her upbringing, welfare etc,
She is a child and at 4 years old may be a lil manipulative as children can be out of their innocence,
Please do not take her actions personally,

Talk to your husband with regard in playing a more active role which means more involvement in the childs life, you should not be blocked out since you are now a part of the equation,

And make it CLEAR to your husband that it is not acceptable in calling his EX WIFE for anything that has absolutly nothing to do with the daughter, Men can be completely stupid and naive in thinking this is normal and harmless,

It absolutley is not normal nor harmless, if anything he is treading on dangerous paths! There was no need in calling his ex wife to view property, Is she going to live with you guys? Is it going to be her future family home? NO!

That pathetic excuse of showing her their childs room is completely dismissable in my book, if he is responsible she should trust the child is in safe hands wherever you move to,

Wow, its a tough onw, im sorry abt the situation, 

The way im seeing it is as follows:

It seems you guys always had your ups and downs as all couples have and have always been able to resolve it quickly and amicably, however, the Genesis of your predicament I will personally say arose from the DISTANCE!
As a Newly wedded couple, you guys should have had as much time together as  you possibly could, its the 'honeymoon period' one of the best and memorable period at the beginning of your marriage before reality of the long haul kicks in, 

However, because your wife was in abuja and you in lagos, you guys completely missed that, nevermind you guys were calling each other everyday etc,  Its NOT the SAME as being in contact physically, seeing each other face to face everyday,

This is where cracks WILL have formed.
Im not defending your wife, but you as the husband should have INSISTED a solution to you guys distance from day1, i cant stress how important that is,  She must have felt lonely, agitated, frustrated and im sure the same goes for you too,
All these factors would put unnecessary strain on the relationship,

Its good you have gone to clear your head and cool off a bit but you still have to go back and resolve this,
I advise you go and talk with your wife, if possible go with a family member or someone you can trust as a mediator (an elder possibly ),

Find out why she did what she did,  What she wants and you must state what you want and how you feel and what can be done to try and get over this betrayal, 

This can either make you guys stronger or break you guys,  It is a Test of whether you guys truly love each other to want to give this your marriage everything possible to make it work,
Above all put God first in this, It will bring you guys together
Please take heart,   

@Uju
So you think its ok to go about dating your Bosses son/daughter?

Knowing that relationship could end good or bad, ? You dont think that might put your own job in danger at all,

Professionalism in 9ja is non existant it seems,

Wrong quote FLGaters, sorry hun

CarlosVent:
bad roads

LMAO!
I had to laugh at this spurious statement,   

No it wont.

A man can have the best looking woman beside him but still stray

Just because that area is covered doesnt mean all other attributes are covered too, i.e attitude, behaviour etc,

FL Gators:
Yoruba men are notorious for not taking care of their child IF they dont want that child and mother. Too bad ethical morals/responsibility is not important anymore. Howeverrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, that which mutter speaketh is not our culture.

^^^U talk TRUE!
Its not in OUR culture, that why i put it in that manner if u catch my drift,

[quote author=Aloy+Emeka link=topic=470165.msg6308815#msg6308815 date=1277902452]Only from illiterate women. [/quote]GBAM!! thank you AloyEmeka!

What arrant nonsense!

Abeg, i dont know if your talking on behalf of Yoruba, ijaw or whatever tribe that follows that nonesense custom and tradition, but what i know and see with my EYES is in Igboland, whther male or female, if u wan throw way ur wife/girlfriend wey born pikin for you, Fine, BUT,
That man Must carry his Children whether u like am or u no like am, !

Male or FEMALE!! Its very rare for them to NOT take them!

As for the woman in the story, there is always 2 sides to a story, she should confess what she herself may have done,
The story get hole in it,

The guy could not have married her just for papers and throw her away like that! It Is a LIE!!!!
She MUST go with him to the Embassy and they do an interview together in order for him to even sniff the airport to leave for the UK,
The process is more complex than that,

The guy left for the UK with his own credentials, not at her advantage!
Unless she hasnt told the WHOLE story,

Furthermore, she would have had so many tell tell signs that this guy was looking for only 1 thing from her but still jumped in,

If I begin, there will be no end,

Lack of facilities
Lack of Training for the Doctors (they will never be compared to British medical doctors)
Lack of common and basic training especially Nurses!!
Lack of empathy
Lack of funding
Lack of hygiene
Lack of GOD GIVEN COMMON SENSE & INTELLIGENCE in the GOVERNMENT among those blood sucking hungry BASTARDS who are Governors!!
Lack of Electricity, how person go operate when light no dey? U go use Lamp how person go do X-ray when NEPA no fit show?

Need I go on? The question started with problems with Primary health care abi? But in order to solve that issue other underlying MAJOR issues MUST rear its Ugly head first,

God Dey sha, 9ja go better,

Freiburger:
Dude thats not true the Ghanaians will celebrate a Nigerian victory anytime any day. I watched that match with different ppl from over 9 countries, and they fevered with the Ghanians.

Your living in a lil bubble my dear, they wont, they may in your front but once your back is turned they will spit FIRE abt 9ja people,  Please do not be deceived or naive,

I am congratulating Black stars for their great performance and patriosm and want them to succeed,
However, that is where it stops!

I understand what the poster has said, he is not saying we are to stop congratulating them and celebrating, he is merely stating moderance without extravegance is needed,

Would you imagine the garbage im hereing fellow 9ja people vomit from their mouth abt denouncing there nationality because of black stars?!

I WILL NEVER ever swap 9ja for Ghana, i craze?

Everyone is running away from the fire including myself (from the UK) and immigrants are running to it??
There been a higher number of people leaving the UK to go back home!!!
The wise ones!!

There were opportunities here once but that time has come and gone,

Unless your looking to come chop McDonalds and KFC, the UK has nothing else to show,

Dis Guy:
^^ come on do you honestly think they are that daft, they have done the calculations

And only mushroom universities or should i say mushroom course will be under threat as most universities get their funding from industry or other grants

Majority of non-EU immigrants maybe be immigrants who entered AS students not necessarily stay on students. . .


_{its almost an insult for a country to try to 'protect' itself nowadays}

I wonder why Australia, Canada don't get the same criticism for having stringent immigration laws

They must not have done them too well because of the HUGE slash in the number of applicants able to go to university from now on,
Furthermore, funding from industries right now will be a biyatch due to the pressure they are under themselves, hence, the increased number of unemployment and redundencies, Grants will be reduced for sure,
To be frank, im not for both EU and non EU immigrants coming to the UK, im quite happy with it,
WHY?

Because they can be and are uaually a nuisance,
EU immigrants are either begging on the trains, streets or selling fake gold to you,
and Non EU (I am using nigerians as my example) will come in on so called 'student visa' and abuse the system,

Do mini cabbing, 419 or clean the underground all in the name of seeking so called greener pastures?

nigerhead:
MeThinks that they are going to loose out in the end. Majority of the nonEU immigrants are students, who believe it or not are the ones paying for their universities to stay afloat. I know how much I pay as school fees for my MSc here and less than 5% of my class is from the UK, we are mostly from outside (Naija sef too plenty for my class, I de vex )
While I agree with the fact that as an overpopulated island, it makes sense to limit the number of immigrants coming into the UK. But their problem is with the EU members that continuously flood the UK not with non EUs who are predominantly students,of which quite a number return back to their countries after studies.

You've spoken sense!!!
Yes there is a huge problem with immigration both EU and Non Eu but capping non EU students, wrong move in the interest of the UK.
Non EU students predominently from AFrica and Asia are the ones that keep UK universities afloat for sure!!

They already put a capp on the number of students entering university which will make life harder so tell me in order to facilitate and continue with specialised departments where will the money come from if their capping International students, ?

Hmmm, me thinks they may not have realised the knock on effect this will have on the Universities who are under strain already,

Easier said than done, but blood is thicker than water,

i know, its ironic, your sis didnt think of it than way when she decided to betray you,

But be the better person and open up communication channels with her,

Yuck!
Dis guy irritates me,
his torso is short and his abs are non existant,
His well toned,

Im glad this topis has arisen,

Before una crucify me for dis place! I am a christian,

But I am not a follow follow christian,

Theres a BIG difference!

I go to church, though not every sunday I pray often and overall would say im a compassionate person to my felow neighbours but
I will not do night vigils, i dont like BIG churches were person go drop for ground vibrate small and proclaim sudden healing of paralysis!!

Church is buisness today, you cant tell which one is genuine or deception anymore,
I have witnessed such nonesense and scandal in these BIG churches and yes among those i have seen is ASHIMOLOWO!

The guy is crooked, he is yet to be caught finally with more evidence, Pisses me off too that his son while i was in secondary school then squandered money on designers for people in my school at the age of 15! To make it worse used to bragg how much his dad was giving him as allowance,

Tell me where are fifteen yr old gets $$$$,
Church tithe is pastors son's allowance!!!

Do NOT BE DECEIVED!!!

D Banj of Course!!!


Wande Coal

Why is it he always looks like he wore a shirt 2 times smaller than him?

woooot wooot!!!! GOOOOAL!!!!