Kobojunkie:
You knew before marriage that sex wasn't high on her list as it was on yours, yet you took it on yourself to ignore this. Now you want to pretend she is to blame or something?

Forcing your woman at this point to give you sex when she is not that into it amounts to harming her in the relationship so my advice to you is that you find yourself other avenues to spend all that sexual energy you keep focusing in on. Go get yourself gym membership and use the opportunity to make a habit of keeping fit.

This is the issue I see with people. They think they can change anyone. For those who are not yet married please whoever you SEE now is who you GET. Know this and know peace. Except they decide to change on their own( and at their own time you can t force it) and that is if they are honest with themselves enough to engage in self-introspection then forget it.

Tina001:


You just want to have it all which is rarely possible.. She is good in every other aspects so you married her thinking you will work on her sex life, my dear, people mostly don't change, the red flag you see during dating/courtship will be moree glaring during marriage, it is left for you to decide if you can cope with it or not before marrying the person. She has always been like that and didn't hide it from you before marriage, she told you plainly so you know what you were getting into, why then did you marry her when you know you can't cope thinking you can miraculously change her sex life overnight?. You just have to manage it o pending when she 'MIGHT' change. dnt go and cheat on the innocent woman because that may be the beginning of the end of your marriage

Thank you! I did not even see this before I submitted my comment up there.

No one will have it all in marriage.

That is the poster's marital issue, some is inlaws some, is another issue entirely different He and his wife just need to find a way around it. They need to exhaust all options possible except adultery. If you run out after every single issue you face in marriage then you are not ready to be married.
Let your wife know how your sex life is affecting your marriage. She can't just wish the issue away.

woginid967:


Have a side chick and have peace.

Not all women love sex especially if the man doesn't know how to really put her in the mood.

Enjoy yourself with tinder, SFS, coddedruns.

But pls use condomzzz

Poster, I hope you know condom does not prevent herpes or spiritual problems? Some of those side chicks fortify themselves you know? May you not bring whet you don't know into your life and truncate your spiritual life. I don't know how spiritually strong you are anyway considering you engaged in premarital sex before marriage. For your good don't pollute your marriage with strange women.

The problem with some of you men is that you don't want to compromise in marriage. You feel you will have it all in marriage. Any little discomfort you start looking for options to soothe yourselves. When you are married stepping out is never an option and this is the same thing I would tell your wife if she complains about you in a similar vein.


Any small thing, the next advice will be, "go out and have a side chick' very pathetic and this is why most of you peoples marriages are a huge joke. You can't handle little hiccups you think marriage is a smooth sail when one is not getting what one want instead of making adjustments s the next thing is to step out. Where you forced to get married that just a few months in you are thinking of cheating. No emotional and mental strength.

You said ten times and I am sure that ten times is likely more than that. You probably have sex once a week and that once a week I am sure is not one round o.

Anyways You will have to sit with your wife and reach a middle ground. If you want sex every day and she wants it once a week she would have to adjust and increase it to thrice while you decrease yours. I'd you think you will be having it everyday trust me you lie and if she also thinks she will be having it once a week too she lie! Both of you must accommodate each other. And this is where marriage reaches you patience, perseverance, selflessness and all
You can never have things your way 100 percent except you are not ready to be married. I'd you think you are getting married to have all your needs met you lie. You must compromise and accommodate each other every single step of the way. If you can't do this please be single.

Generalwoodz:
I made you a wish list for the perfect woman.

If your woman don't have these qualities then rest assured you're clearly waking down the aisle of stupid matrimony.

If you're going to spend the rest of your healthy, sickly, and wealthy life with her then you look out for these.

Intelligent.
Witty
Sense of humour
Loving
Caring
Loves kids
Warm
Accommodating
Supportive
Attractive

However, if you don't want something permanent; a marriage that won't last the taste of time, a marriage which may kill you, a marriage that could turn you into a wounded beast, embittered, depressed and shadow of your own self then chose these qualities clearly motivated by lust.

Gorgeous
Sexy
Cute
Athletic body
Loves sex
Dresses sexy
Looks great and has minty breath when she first wakes

Xoxo




In other news: before HUNGER shift my womb pls come and buy my Facebook account. Danke, !

He can have both worlds and she will still be God-fearing to crown it all but the issue is he might not be her spec.

chccho:
I have been seriously searching for my soul mate and wife but this has been a herculean task so far.

I have met in the past some very suitable and wonderful ladies who we were deeply into each other but I was either too naive at the time or wasn't ready for marriage so they had to move on.

Now that I am ready and able, no show!!!
I don't want to just get married anyhow to anyone, I want someone who's God-fearing,my soul mate, someone who I'm attracted, loving, peaceful and so on.

I'm so confused!! Is true love this hard to find??!

Are you God-fearing?
What does being "God-fearing" entails for you?
When people mention Godfearing most times I realise they don't even know what that word means exactly hence me asking.

Dshocker:


"Truth is that, those good girls are not necessarily men's taste or want, because in most cases, they are not flashy"

I could remember a friend of mine ××××× got married in 2017, he owns an oil servicing firm in Rivers state.

Dude was so fuckingly rich, he had about 4 pretty Instagram slay queens he was dating as at then, in space of 6 months, he has spent over N30m on 4 of them, but when he wanted to marry, omo we couldn't believe our eyes, he got married to an average educated local girl that has zero class that came from a humble background.

I noticed that in most cases, if you get married to these over pretty goddess, when challenges of finance comes in, asin the man goes broke or have a terrible accident that will cause the man to be bedridden for life, they the very pretty goddess of a wife will leave that marriage without batting an eye.

I get your point and this was why I advised him to live a holy life and flee fornication. You can't value what you lack.
You see people want to eat their cake and still have it but life is not like that.
You have to be what you desire or want else you will just keep complaining.

That your friend that married an average lady will still go out to have his fill with the slay queens. In life, you have to adjust and be content because you can't have it all. Even your friend as a person can't be all and everything for that average lady he married he will still fall short in some aspects.

Men and women complain that they can't find what they want meanwhile that which they want may not be what suits them or what they deserve.

I knew a guy that wanted to marry my friend.
Let me give you her background details
She was a virgin 33years
First class product
Natural beauty. She is so beautiful that you have to stare hard to even know she doesn't wear make-up, that is how fine she is
Her walking step? Fire
She was not flashy, she was classy that you would have thought she owned a luxurious line.
She doesn't wear make-up or use human hair or fix nails extension and she was a prayer warrior. She can fast for three days without eating and if she tells you something good it will come to pass. She was not a slay queen nor was she a mary Amake type. She was just how a unique woman should be. There was a guy that wanted to marry her, he was just like the friend you described. She turned him down. Other friends asked her why and she said he was not her type and she was right. He smokes, goes to clubs and drinks and lives a vain life.

Most of the time what those men who like flashy girls only bring to the table are money. They don't have virtue, self-control, moral standard or godliness. These are lovely traits that money can't buy.

People should always go for their type because as unbelievable as it may sound those good girls also have the types of men that truly deserve their kind and these are men who have virtue. Case in point my good friend eventually married a good man like her.

interim4:


This is not speculation, out of 10 cheaters, you can only catch one red handed, thats if luck is with you. This incident gives me 85% assurance that something aint right. I made a big mistake by letting my demand slide, i would have stood my ground that she heads towards d living room i probably would have had much to know, she normally wont argue with me and go ahead to check, but her hell bent on not making a move and making flimsy excuses threw my faith in her off. What more love do i want to show than what i have showed, i am losing it, i just probably not get married again.

Take it easy. Don't say you won't gwtarried because of one bad experience. There are good ladies everywhere. Get close to God and live a holy life. Flee fornication and then ask God to give you a good woman. Trust me he will answer you.They exists.

Ardar:
What happened to the women in their 30's who are well established and understand how life is?
Why is it that you men always go for barely adult ladies who are still finding their feet and yet expect so much from them.

They want small girls they can control Nah

Britishcoins:

In terms of financial background... She is from average background too... Both of us are not born with silver spoon...
MY major concern is a woman who can stay with me weather rich or poor... Her education and beauty competition should never make her to disrespect me.. I am just confused the more.. The nsuka girl is totally unexposed...
Imagine a girl who has never been in shop rite

The question is not whether her education and beauty will make her disrespect you, the question is hope her beauty and education will not make you feel insecure and inferior.
Someone who is into beauty pageants and schooling will also have her own ambition and future plans so you trying to morph her lifetime's achievements, desired projects, goals and plans into your own might not work.
Simply because you like business does not mean she would want the same. She may decide she wants to study more, get more certificates and travel and I wonder how your personal ambition and hers would match at that point.

Britishcoins:


Hmm,thanks... Exactly what is disturbing me here.. The sukkah girl seems so hard-working, each time she visits my shop she is always willing to help. Though the other girl has never visited and she does not look like someone who can work. Her major commodity to offer is beauty. I am not even interested in it..

You are deceiving yourself. The 22years old girl's beauty attracts you. Else I don't even see any reason why you would even feel she deserves to be mentioned or compared to the other lady. Beauty beauty beauty was the only thing you mentioned. No personality trait, no positive quality just looks. You don't care yet you have decided to invite to spend a week with you

Britishcoins:


This is exactly what the first one told me too... Even my uncle. May God help me

I beg to differ. One of the mistakes people make in choosing a partner is thinking they can mould that person into who they want. Whoever you marry right now is who they are and will always be. Now I know why people say "Men marry thinking a woman will not change while women marty thinking a man will change".

Nome of the women is the right one for you. Thankfully you have a long list of women at your disposal look into those ones.

I would have advised you to go for the 25 years old virgin lady but you already said she is not beautiful and you don't have feelings for her.
So I will never advise anyone be it a man or woman to marry someone they don't love.
One thing I noticed with most men is beauty is always atop their list when it comes to making decisions. Fine, you need to marry someone you are sexually attracted to but it is sad when you let beauty override other important qualities.

Now the second lady is just not the right person for you. Age-wise the gap is too much she is just starting school and in the next two years she won't be ready for you, even in the next four years, I doubt and considering you feel age is not on your side I think you should let her go and spread your net wider. That aside you talk about wanting someone who will help your business she is a nurse and that will be her focus, unlike the 25 years old lady who is already into business.
You still need to look further. Don't rush marriage plans it is a lifetime decision, you can still get married in your late 30s. Don't let people pressure you. Try to get to know other ladies and be rational.

Poster I see a lot of people are saying you should be careful so she won't go out there and soil your name when you kick her out.
Please do not care about what ever she is going to say it will always come back to bite her in the face.

Look! the lady I spoke about earlier in my experience later went out and started soiling my name. That was someone whom when I buy a wig I will buy her own if I go shopping she must follow and she packs plenty of clothes. I knew God was going to fight for me because you don't bite the finger that feeds you. People came to meet me telling me all the bad things she said about me I told them time will tell. One good Samaritan took her in thinking she was a good person it was not until a few weeks later that one pushed her out after beating her black and blue. The good Samaritan later came to me to apologise for hating me back then when she found out I threw her out.

lucky4west:
if i did not have this same experience with a friend way back in 2010/2011 i would have said this was a fairy tale, na me no get job na me still de buy things for house, cook, fill gas etc on top of that my friend come get babe opposite the house, she de come daily...my own babe na once in a while, and when she come my friend go enter bed sharp sharp, na me and my babe go come de for rug...it was not funny anything i said in an attempt to correct my friend will twist it that because it is my house that was why i was saying so so and so....from 2 weeks to a full year! i really hear am then...i just vex one day and said he should leave before i returned from UI(then i had started my PG)...that was the end,..so just tell your friend to leave, infact she is an unfriendly friend, if she hesitate start packing her things out...some folks are like that

@strongAlphmale

Is this person also a lady? The parasite in his story, is it also a lady?does he have gender description? Is it a must to put gender? In a bid to insult women and tag them bad names, you will refuse to admit the truth about human nature and wear a blindfold.

StrongAlphMale:


New account.
No gender description!
And yet you want us to believe your lies? Oga you seriously need to grow up and stop the useless lies to defend Nigerian girls who are liabilities and parasitic in nature. Which kind SIMP you be?

Madam, please! please! I am already grown so take your own advice and yansh down.

I am telling you it is a human thing. Simple! Try it, try giving your friends accommodation and see what will happen. Useless lies? Yea right! Until it happens to you. Most humans are users. They take advantage of kind people. That's all.

StrongAlphMale:


When we say you Nigeria girls are liabilities and parasites you will think we're Joking. Your friend is an example of the kinds of liabilities we're talking about. Now you're going through what an average Nigerian guy is going through. The experience they say is the best teacher.

Don't make this about gender. A man has done the same to my cousins before at two different times. My cousin had to beg me to come and stay in his house as his girlfriend that was when he left after some months. The second one left the house and moved to a different house when the house rent expired then guy find his leave.

It is just human nature. Most people abuse kindness and are very selfish. Accommodating people or borrowing them money never ends well. It does not matter if they are male or female

I don't know how you can still respect someone who does not respect herself.

She does not care about your feelings why care about hers? Tell her to start paying for light bills and every needed bill. Since she now wants to be a roommate. You must split all the bills into two. You will see how she will quickly discard you. She eats four times a day because she is not removing the money from her pocket. It is not her sweat.

I had someone like that once who had accommodation issues we fought at last. She refused to go and it was almost one year. She will eat food that I the one who bought it with my money cannot eat. You will take one meat they will take four since it is not their money. She does not do any chores. She almost sucked me dry. Finished all the foodstuff at home.

You and that parasite of a lady will fight at last. That is the only solution so don't feel bad about it because if she cares about you as a person she won't want to cheapen herself in your eyes or do anything that will ruin your friendship. She is very shameless. Don't feel guilty for putting shameless people in their place. If she can treat you a lady like that I wonder how she sucks dry the men in her life that is if she even has a boyfriend.
Nonsense user

Your telling people not to marry children whose parents are divorced is laughable simply because you believe they won't understand the value of marriage.


Do you know that most of those divorced couples are from stable homes? Brought up by bothered father and mother? What do you have to say about that? Do you also know people divorce for various reasons some of which are very necessary?

It is because of people like you that women currently going through misery in their marriages like former gospel singer osinachi in her husband's houses will rather choose to die there. After all, considering your myopic reasoning, their children should be motherless and get married in the future rather than for the mothers to escape domestic violence and live a beautiful life and still be present in their children's life. Because they know if they leave you and your kind will stigmatise their children in the future for no offence of theirs?


Do you think those who divorced planned it? What if someone you love or from your family gets divorced tomorrow you will say nobody should marry their children.

Most people are unfortunate to find themselves in bad marriages. This includes men and women. Some are married to women who did paternity fraud, some are married to men who batter them and cheat etc. So they should stay there because someone on nairaland will find their kids unsuitable for marriage?

Come down from your high horse and Just take it easy abeg.

I am an advocate for divorce if your marriage threatens your mental health, safety, peace of mind, and your physical health. Considering that most people in marriages these days are just there to save face it is even said that divorce is better for the mental health of the children at least it saves them from the toxic environment they might get exposed to when both parents are together while suffering and smiling in their miserable marriages.

Due to this reason, there is an even higher probability that the lady you choose to get married to from a so-called stable home her character might be worse( than the lady from the unstable home who is now free from the toxic environment thanks to the parent's divorce)because the stable home you envisioned from the outside may all be smoke and mirrors and might not be so stable after all. Her parents might just be saving face and patching it up inside fighting every day meanwhile their union does not epitomise what a beautiful marriage should be.

pizzzy:
omo no be small thing oh u typed 1 full news paper on top dis matter anyways you are entitled to ur opinion plus you are a woman what do you know about been a man?

What do you also know about being a woman?

This is why you should never contradict what I tell you about why she ghosted him in the first place. He wants to know why she did that and I gave him a woman's perspective but he can go ahead asking for clarity from his fellow men who do not know what goes on in a woman's mind.

pizzzy:
oga leave dat talk you read the tory from beginning so? Him no f up by asking her to come to his place. you don meet person for school, she don show interest, dem dey chat for 2 wiss you still want him to whine and dine her. He didn't do anything wrong the game no just entered. Besides indecisiveness is worse than making a bad decision.

I am a lady and I am telling him the truth here. A guy tried that with me once. We also spoke on the phone for a few weeks as well and the next thing he was inviting me to his house. I told him I was not comfortable yet coming to his place but he kept insisting ignoring my fears and uneasiness so I did not go and that was the last time I picked up his call. He called me later I ignored him.

It was not that I wanted him to wine and dine me after all I don't even eat outside so he would not need to spend except buy a bottle of water(which I believe is nothing because if I had gone to his house he would have entertained me as a guest)but I wanted a comfortable environment on the first meeting.

I met another one at a party after interacting for a while too the next thing he was suggesting was him coming over to my place. For what? Why would I bring a total stranger inside my home?
The lady does not want to be alone with him in his house neither does she want to be alone with him inside her house. Simple!

A lady I know invited a guy home and he tried raping her inside her house she thought she was safe because she was in her own space thank God she had a black belt.

Any man who invites a lady to his house for a first meeting still has a lot of growing up to do.
You meet someone after a few weeks the next thing is your house. Is that how you bring people anyhow into your sacred space. Why don't you get to know them better for some months before opening the door of your house to them? What if along the line you found out she was a stalker? Get to know people well and vet them properly before bringing them home.

anyilalaz:
In a space or two weeks or so you don the invite baby or later the baby invites you!!! Haba, it was too early for both of you. Next time, first thing, invite a lady to a public space-Cafe, cinema, cool restaurant, any fun environment. Next you invite her to your house. Visiting her house is the last on the process line.

Nevertheless, just ghost her, if she reach out ok but if not ok too. Never you show signs of disappointment over for what happened.

Thank you oo
This was the same thing I was trying to tell him but some people are telling him not to listen.

You messed up from the get-go.
You met a lady once and the next thing you invited her to come and visit you inside your house. That was rude, immature and unreasonable (you should have suggested a hang-out on the first meet)
Anyways she turned you down and decided to give you a soft landing and asked you to visit her instead as a cop-out not knowing you would truly come over.

A lady who doesn't want to be alone with you in your house would not want to be alone with you in her house either( the two options aren't safe for her) She wasn't keen on having you over at her place(she doesn't know you too well and you were moving too fast.
Had it been you suggested a meeting outside of your house and her house she would have honoured the invitation.

Next time you meet a lady take her out first.

flejnr2:

DNA showed they are not his kids

All the kids? Or just one?
And she allowed him to go through the visa procedures and process the whole thing till they got to the embassy? She is ruthless

flejnr2:
My friend boasts of his wife’s faithfulness, na USA VISA application spoil everything

That is the thing with most men they think their wives, fiancees and girlfriends are innocent forgetting that those having sex outside with other men their husbands, boyfriends, and fiance also thought the same thing too

9japride:
Please OP are you a Virgin? Virgins should marry virgins.

Thank you!

Poster
I hope you know most virgin also wants a morally chaste man.
Anyways op, there are few virgins because they are few male virgins. It's not rocket science.

These men are having sex with women and not inanimate objects yet they turn around and cry that no virgins exist. Does that even make sense?

You want virgins for a wife and in the same vein, you want to engage in premarital sex. You men need to pick a struggle. You can't eat your cake and still have it.

The same person can have two income streams. One doesn't need to have a steady income and the other should invest. The man can; and should; do both.

And entrepreneurship does not preclude a woman from being forced/tempted to use her enticements. She will still need to obtain favours from men in the form of contracts, connections etc.

This second paragraph reminds me of a woman who sells cement. She said before she could sell cement in that area the chairman said he must sleep with her. She even said she was ready to pay him double and he said he does not need her money and if she wasn't ready to get down with him others would. We asked her if she later agreed and she told us if she didn't we won't be able to buy cement from her because she would not be able to secure the shops and our paths won't cross. She is the only want that sells cement in the whole area and she has up to four shops.

I think this is why some marriages do not last people place vain qualities atop their list.
If a man or a woman does not have a job yet as long as they are educated, resilient and proactively is just a matter of time before they hit their big break.

Anyone can lose their job at any given time as long as it is not their parent's company. Look at the guy that lost his job and went ahead to buy a tricycle to make ends meet and his girlfriend dumped him due to misplaced priority. He is educated and he won't be jobless forever but she chose not to use her common sense.

My friend's baby sister who was educated but job-hunting could not get a boyfriend. Immediately after any guy meets her the first thing they ask is what do you do? If she tells them she was currently job-seeking they stop calling her.

My friend's baby sister went to a good university with a first-class degree, she was even a virgin. You know those ladies who go from the library to church and from church to the classroom. To top it off she was a sight for sore eyes and she studied a good course but they didn't care about all of that. The men she met were just looking for instant gratification up and down. She would complain no guy wants to date her because she was jobless. They did not even care that she could bag a good job in the future based on her degree. Now she has been sponsored by a company abroad and relocated.

People should be applying their common sense abeg when it comes to marriage and Stop writing people off based on their present unattractive situation which is only temporary.

planetE:
Marry her at your own peril


Girl send you her nude you think say na only you she dey send.

Or they should marry him at their own peril? A Guy asking you for nudes and you think you are the only lady he is asking.

Tombrown3:


Really, even when I sweet talk them to doing it against their will?

I'm who believes when a woman likes you, she makes everything about her easy for you, you might miss interpret it as she being cheap or loose.

This is not true. A lady can like you and still uphold her moral standard and not dance to your every whim.

I don't believe in premarital sex so be cause I like a guy does that mean I would sleep with him before marriage? No

If I was the one you asked for nude I would have blocked you instantly because you just told and showed me you are loose. You won't even dare ask because you would realised from the start that I don't encourage such conversations.

The person asking for nudes and the person sending it are both loose. IMO

seunH:
You can keep her hydrated with the warm milk

Thanks Doc.
She is fine now and she has also been eating.

As a Christian You shouldn't be having sex before marriage anyways .
It's not your birthright!

Is this a joke?
She left you because you would rather be humble, swallow your pride and engage in such than beg? She left you because you would rather have a humble profession than steal? She left you because you would rather do that than be a fraudster?

You should thank God you lost your Job and such a situation like this arose else you would have married the wrong woman.

Please when you find a good woman and you finally make it in life because I know you would eventually. (Men with Resilient qualities like yours who can do any job to survive without shame always survive) Don't ever let her go. True love is rare.
Chin up!!
I respect you!!!

It is well.