I can't wear shorts or mini skirts, ever. Every time I wear shorts, they get swallowed in ways I'd rather not describe. Skirts shimmy up my hips with every step so that by the end of the day, my skirt is a scarf around my neck. I see such cute outfits but my hips and behind won't cooperate.

I'm in kind of a mood today, family....

So I decided to start a thread about my own physical and fashion issues

Pre-threading, my eyebrows look like semi-circles and one is visibly lower than the other. The Indian lady who does my threading tries her best.

I liked this
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=53q8dJEIH8k

Good one

A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart's birthday, and as they had not been dating very long, after careful consideration, he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note: romantic,but not too personal.

Accompanied by his sweetheart's younger sister, he went to an expensive boutique and bought a pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of panties for herself.

During the wrapping, the clerk mixed up the items and the sister got the gloves and the sweetheart got the panties. Without checking the contents,the young man sealed the package and sent it to his sweetheart with the following note:

"I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but she wears short ones that are easier to remove."

"These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they were hardly soiled. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart."

"I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt other hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to see you again. "

"When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing. "

"Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you will wear them for me on Friday night. All my love. "

A man left work and headed home one Friday evening. However, being that it was payday, instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with his boys and spending his entire paycheck.

When he finally appeared at home Sunday night, he was confronted by a very angry wife. She yelled at him for hours about his behavior.

Finally, his wife stopped the nagging and simply said to him, "How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?"

To which he replied, "That would be fine with me!"

Monday came and went, and he didn't see his wife.

Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results.

Come Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of left eye.

Q: What's 6 inches long, 2 inches wide and drives women wild?

A: a $100 bill!

fashion

A man and his friend were enjoying drinks at a local pub in the early afternoon. The man ordered another tall glass of beer.

Before he could take another drink, his friend pointed outside at a funeral procession passing on the road. The man slammed down his glass, took off his hat, bowed his head and closed his eyes in prayer.

His friend was amazed. "Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You are the kindest man I have ever known."

The man shrugged. "Yeah, well, we were married for 35 years."

Hey, mister! no coups...

A mother and her very young son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago. The little boy (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs, and big cats have baby cats, why don't big airplanes have baby airplanes?"

The mother (who couldn't think of an answer) told her son to ask the flight attendant.

So the boy went down the aisle and asked the flight attendant. The flight attendant, who was very busy at the time, smiled and said, "Did your Mom tell you to ask me?"

The boy said, "yes she did."

"Well, then, you go and tell your mother that there are no baby airplanes because Southwest always pulls out on time. Have your mother explain that to you."

lol, @yame that was the joke

The thing is sex isn't really supposed to be causal. Sex can have serious repercussions like pregnancy or STD's. The person you sleep with could have a major impact on the rest of your life. All that aside.

You meet someone, you like the person, and you share a moment. You share a part of yourself with someone else. As a woman, you let someone inside of you. She's not in love with you. She likes you and wants you to reciprocate. She doesn't want to feel like you used her like a rag and threw her away. How insensitive can you be? Casual sex doesn't mean no feeling at all, it's supposed to be a mutual agreement. Clearly the agreement wasn't mutual.

Oh goodness! You are right, my friend. That is crazy.

There are 3 types of people in this world.

Those who can count and those who can’t.

You are needy and selfish to keep this guy as a "friend", but that's OK. It sounds like you are feeling guilty and lying to yourself as well as the people on this thread. You wouldn't be posing the question if you thought this situation was OK. AND you know you would not take kindly to your BF cuddling on the couch with his female friend for a whole weekend.

You need to make some new female friends where you are. You also should limit your contact with the "friend" because though you repeat yourself, he clearly isn't hearing you. If he respected your relationship, you would have only had to say it once. Why was the repetition necessary for a real friend?

Moving to a new place can be lonely, scary, and hard to handle. You should go out more. IF you do decide to continue with this guy, there is no reason the two of you need to be at anyone's house. There are plenty of public, well-lit places to be friends.

If you are to the point where you are picking wives off the street, let you family or friends arrange an engagement for you. You might as well.

When you first meet someone the person is new, exciting, and has no flaws, but the more you get to know her and spend time with her the initial charms fade. We're all humans, no one is perfect. There will be fussing, fighting, jealousy, and days when the person doesn't feel good or you don't feel good. She will let her guard down and stop trying to be perfect once she has you. That's one of the benefits of having someone as a friend and knowing her moods and flaws before any romance begins, though it doesn't always work.

Simple and professional

I'm going to stay in my lane: Women's clothing

Thanks for the encouragement guys. Feel free to post your own jokes!

A Manchester United fan and a Liverpool fan were driving on a dark road one night when their cars collided. To their amazement, neither one was injured but both cars were ruined.

In celebration of their good luck, they agree to put their differences aside from that moment. The Liverpool fan goes to his car and fetches a 12 yr old bottle of Whiskey. He hands it to the Manc fan who exclaims, “may the Mancs and the Scousers live together forever in peace and harmony” then he gulps down half the bottle.

He goes to hand the bottle to Liverpool fan who replies, “No thanks, I’ll just wait til the police get here you Manc fool”

Not sure, she lists it in the video description

A dad buys a lie detector robot which slaps people when they lie. He decides to test it at dinner.

“Son, where were you today?”

Son says “at school dad.” Robot slaps the son.

“Ok, I watched a dvd at my mates!”

"What dvd?”

“Finding Nemo.” Robot slaps the son again!

“Ok, it was indecency” cries the son.

“When I was your age I didn’t know what indecency was!” says the dad. Robot slaps the dad!

Mum laughs “Hahaha! He’s certainly your son.” Robot slaps the mum.

Thanks!

Just why?

Two buddies were having a chat. Said one, "You know, I can trace my ancestors up the Family Tree."

The other replied," That's so? Well, far as I know, there are only two things that live on trees: Birds and Monkeys, and I see you have no feathers."

Let's try this

Yeah, don't know much about menswear. Still cultivating my style.

Nah, that's not a friend. I make sure ALL of my friends look good before we go anywhere. Imagine me with a bunch of people looking a mess. If they look a mess, I look a mess. Beauty can have a group dynamic.

So many people say eyes, but I'd rather feel the sun on my skin, wind in my hair, and lips of my lover than see all of those things. Touch.