Macjive01's Posts
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A Before and After Scene. This husband and wife are staying in a hotel, and after a romantic evening wining and dining they go off to bed. However, as soon as they settled down, the man (not quite ready for slumber) leans over and whispers softly, ‘Hey snuggle boopy boops, your lickle hubby wubby isn't quite ready for bye-byes yet.’ The wife takes the hint and says, ‘OK, but I have to use the bathroom first.’ So off she goes but on her way back she trips over a piece of carpet and lands flat on her face. Her husband jumps up and exclaims in a concerned tone ‘Oh my little honey bunny, is your nosey-wosey all right?’ No harm is done, so she jumps into bed and they have mad passionate sex for three hours. Afterwards, the wife goes off to the bathroom again, but on her way she trips over the same piece of carpet and again lands flat on her face on the floor. Her husband looks over and grunts ‘Clumsy biitch.’ |
A guy dials his home phone from work. A strange woman answers. The guy says, ‘Who is this?’ ‘This is the maid.’, answered the woman. ‘We don't have a maid!’ ‘I was just hired this morning by the lady of the house.’ ‘Well, this is her husband. Is she there?’ ‘Ummm , she's upstairs in the bedroom with someone who I just figured was her husband.’ The guy is fuming. He says to the maid, ‘Listen, would you like to make $50,000?’ ‘What do I have to do?’ ‘I want you to get my gun from my desk in the den and shoot that witch and the jerk she is with.’ The maid puts down the phone. The guy hears footsteps, followed by two gunshots. The maid comes back to the phone. ‘What should I do with the bodies?’ ‘Throw them in the swimming pool!’ ‘What?! There's no pool here?’ Long pause, ‘Uh , is this 09-267 312?’ |
^ islamic banking ![]() |
I will keep saying , investors are eloping becos of sanusi disastrous banking and fiscal issue. The only license available just now in Nigeria is the damn, un-attractive, non- profitable, risk aversed, sanusi-compelled type of banking. Unemployment is getting higher, skyrocketing, foreign investors are shying away, now our very own, soludo-policy-aided rich men are deserting the economy. Our banking has shrunk, shrunked so badly, yet no foreseeable idea to turn the tide. This jimoh ibrahim hasn't got a bank in Naija ooh, if sanusi's policies went inspiring who jimmy not start from his home? Jimoh is Muslim, if his kind doesn't lead the way for sanusi's hollow islamisation of the bank wud it b pascal dozie that wud lead? That clearly shows dearth of confidence in the person of sanusi and his archaic policies. If this proposed bank was to be in Naija, now hold on, think abt it, How many branches wud it hav in Lagos alone, SW, SE,SS, NW,NE,NN,NW,NC ? How many people does a branch of a bank employ? Directly=100- 200 including drivers, indirectly = 200- 500 including the mama-put woman, clears, janitors, security, engineers for gen set, mechanic for their vehicles, etc That is like 300-700 * say over 110 = 33000 to 77000 Now imagine 77000 people off the labour Market? Now |
First Nigerian to show class in government position. Imagine they dey beg am she dey threaten to resign from contesting. |
THE unending crisis in Nigeria Maritime Administration and Safety Agency, NIMASA, has gone worse as Monica Nkechi Mbanefo, a Nigerian presently working as a Director, Technical Cooperation Division in International Maritime Organisation, IMO, has allegedly withdrawn her candidature for the post of Secretary General in the forthcoming IMO election slated for the month of June 2011. Her Grouse Sources in the maritime sector told National Daily that Mbanefo, a lawyer with 37 years experience, 24 of which has been in the Transport/ Maritime industry was allegedly livid with anger when she realized that the campaign for her proposed election is being used as 'bait' to exploit the nation's economy. Moreover, the squabble in NIMASA has brought Nigeria into public odium in the eyes of all 169 member countries of the IMO, including the UN, OIC, AU, D8 and other bodies. Investigations by National Daily revealed that if Nigeria's representative had contested, there is every tendency that we may not win the coveted seat. National Daily learnt that the Ministry of Transport set up a-7man committee to travel to London and plead with Mbanefo to re-consider her stand, being that she is the most qualified Nigerian to contest for the post. Sources said she was angrier and wondered why she is being compelled against her wish at this juncture to contest the IMO Seat. Transport Minister's request to the President on IMO election In a letter in the possession of National Daily a copy received from the Office of the President, signed by Chief of Staff to the President, dated July 1, 2010, with Ref. No. MT. 206/S.58/C6/11, it showed how Yusuf Suleiman, Honourable Minister of Transport, HMOT requested for presidential approval to 'financially and morally' offer support to Mbanefo for the post of Secretary-General in IMO. The letter with a stamp 'restricted', reads: “His Excellency, Mr. President is graciously invited to approve that Mbanefo should contest as Scribe in IMO election, with support from the Ministry of Transport”. Chief of Staff to the President comments on the request His unedited comments are: “We sought clarification from HMOT to ascertain the nature of support that will be required and have been advised that besides lobbying Council Members of the IMO, which the Ministry will address, His Excellency, Mr. President could also use his good offices to seek support from friends of Nigeria. This position has also been endorsed by the Ministry of Foreign Affairs. We believe that both ministries should be encouraged to develop a joint strategy to ensure the success of Mbanefo's candidacy. The memo confirmed how President Goodluck Jonathan directed HMOT and Foreign Affairs Ministry to support the candidature of Mbanefo to be the next scribe of IMO. This memo, we learnt was sent earlier through the office of Suleiman and it is the 'usual practice' that all cost relating to IMO campaign should be borne by NIMASA. Transport & Foreign Affairs Ministers meeting National Daily gathered that after Mr. President's approval, both Ministers swung into action and note-verbal was communicated to all 169 member countries to support the candidature of Mbanefo in IMO election. Nigeria's Alternative Permanent Reps solicits for campaign funds Further investigation by National Daily showed how Williams Azuh, Nigeria Alternative Permanent Representative to IMO could not carry out his responsibility to give material and financial support to Mbanefo due insufficient funds in the NIMASA imprest account in Barclays Bank London. This eventually led to a formal request for additional funds and approval for the transfer of £300,000 from NIMASA main account in Barclays Bank to the imprest account of Nigeria's Permanent Reps in the same bank. The fund was to be used as operational expense and would cover such things as office accommodation for the campaign, operating expense for the campaign, esta-code / traveling cost for Mbanefo to cover the entire campaign. Of the £300,000 so transferred only the sum of £26,666 was taken out for the payment of office space and this was done directly to the agents and the office is presently being used as campaign secretariat, while the balance of £270,000 was still intact in the Agency's account in Barclays bank. EFCC angle EFCC angle This National Daily learnt was given a wrong interpretation by a section of the Board members of NIMASA who petitioned the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission, EFCC, whereas, the £270,000 is still in the account of the maritime agency in London, accruing interest. NIMASA account closed If information reaching us is anything to go by, then hard times may have finally 'catches-up' with the maritime agency as National Daily gathered that the agency's account was frozen by an insurance firm (names with held) which had long undertaken life insurance policy for the entire staff. Since it had repeatedly written the agency for payment of their premiums and they refused. The insurance firm allegedly approached a court that eventually issued an injunction against withdrawal of money from the agency's account under any guise. DG contemplates resignation National Daily learnt that in view of the crisis in the agency, the DG is allegedly contemplating to throw in the towel, to keep his integrity. Position of NIMASA When National Daily called Gbenga Ogunshakin, the new Public Relations Officer (PRO) of the agency to respond to all the allegations, he simply responded by saying “I don't have a track record that can trail all these allegations. There is no template for me to confirm this. There is no way I can give you an exhaustive explanation and I don't believe this spurious rumour since I just withdrew some funds from the Access bank account of the agency last week. I believe the DG is in the position to react on Mbanefo issue. I can tell you that the DG and the directors are in Abuja now to defend the budget of the agency at the National Assembly.” When confronted that the appointment of the DG contravened NIMASA Act which emphasize that “The DG of NIMASA must have a core-competence in Maritime”, he said “There are people that learn on the job because laws are meant to be interpreted with intelligence and decorum”. http://www.nationaldailyngr.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=4758:panic-grips-imo&catid=99:current-cover&Itemid=489 |
Enuff for d night peeps, go to bed c u tmrw |
A woman enroled in nursing school is attending an anatomy class. The subject of the day is involuntary muscles. The instructor, hoping to perk up the students a bit, asks the woman if she knows what her asshole does when she has an orgasm. ‘Sure!’ she says, ‘He's at home taking care of the kids, ’ |
One evening a man was at home watching TV and eating peanuts. He'd toss them in the air, then catch them in his mouth. In the middle of catching one, his wife asked a question, and as he turned to answer her, a peanut fell in his ear. He tried and tried to dig it out but only succeeded in pushing it in deeper. He asked his wife for assistance, and after hours of trying they became worried and decided to go to hospital. As they were ready to go out the door, their daughter came home with her date. After being informed of the problem, their daughter's date said he could get the peanut out. The young man told the father to sit down, then shoved two fingers up the father's nose and told him to blow hard. When the father blew, the peanut flew out. The mother and daughter jumped and yelled for joy. The young man insisted that it was nothing and the daughter brought the young man out to the kitchen for something to eat. Once he was gone the mother turned to the father and said, ‘That's wonderful. Isn't he smart? What do you think he's going to be when he grows older?!’ The father replies ‘From the smell of his fingers, our son in-law!’ |
A man is dating three women and wants to decide which to marry. He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5000 and watches to see what she does with the money. The first does a total make-over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man was impressed. The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much. Again, the man is impressed. The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much. Obviously, the man was impressed. The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money, and then he married the one with the largest breasts. |
No comments yet, ok try this A woman calls her husband into the bedroom. ‘Now Mike, I want you to take off my blouse!’ ‘Good, ’ ‘Now I also want you to take off my Bra.’ ‘Good, ’ ‘Now can you take off my panties.’ ‘Very Good! Now, don't let me catch you wearing them again!’ |
Every day a 4th grade boy walks home from school past a 4th grade girl's house. One day he he stops to taunt the little girl. He holds up the football and says ‘See this football? Football is a boys game and girls can't have one!’ The little girl runs in the house crying and tells her mother about the encounter. She runs out and buys the girl a football. The next day the boy is riding home on his bike, and the girl shows him the football, yelling ‘Nah na nah na nah’. The little boy gets mad and points to his bike. ‘See this bike? This is a boys bike, and girls can't have them!’ Next day, the boy comes by and the little girl is riding a new boys bike. Now he is really mad. So he drops his pants, points at his private parts, and says ‘You see THIS? Only BOYS have these and your mother can't go buy you one!’ The next day as he passes the house he asks the little girl ‘Well, what do you have to say NOW?’ So she pulls up her dress, points to her private part and says ‘My mother told me that as long as I have one of these, I can have as many of THOSE as I want!’ |
A travelling salesman was about to check in at a hotel when he noticed a very charming bit of femininity giving him the eye. In a causal manner he walked over and spoke to her as though he had known her all his life. Both walked back to the desk and registered as Mr. and Mrs. After a three-day stay he walked up to the desk and informed the clerk that he was checking out. The clerk presented him with his bill for $1600. ‘There is a mistake here,’ he protested. ‘I have been here only three days.’ ‘Yes,’ replied the clerk, ‘But your wife has been here a month.’ |
Mr. Johnson got himself a new secretary. She was young, sweet and very polite. One day, while taking dictation, she noticed his fly was open. When leaving the room, she said, ‘Mr. Johnson, your barracks door is open.’ He did not understand her remark but later on, he happened to look down and saw that his zipper was open. He decided to have some fun with his secretary. Calling her in, he asked, ‘By the way, Miss Jones, when you saw my barracks door open this morning, did you also notice a soldier standing at attention?’ The secretary, who was quite witty replied, ‘Why no sir, all I saw was a little disabled veteran sitting on two duffel bags.’ |
A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu. ‘I'm sorry sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from the previous customer, I'll smell it and order from there.’ A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty dish pile and picks up a greasy fork. He returns to the blind man's table and hands it to him. The blind man puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deep breath. ‘Ah, yes that's what I'll have, meatloaf and mashed potatoes.’ Unbelievable, the owner says to himself as he walks towards the kitchen. The cook happens to be the owner's wife and he tells her what had just happened. The blind man eats his meal and leaves. Several days later the blind man returns and the owner mistakenly brings him a menu again. ‘Sir, remember me? I'm the blind man.’ ‘I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you. I'll go get you a dirty fork.’ The owner again retrieves a dirty fork and brings it to the blind man. After another deep breath, the blind man says, ‘That smells great, I'll take the Macaroni and cheese with broccoli.’ Once again walking away in disbelief, the owner thinks the blind man is screwing around with him and tells his wife that the next time the blind man comes in he's going to test him. The blind man eats and leaves. He returns the following week, but this time the owner see's him coming and runs to the kitchen. He tells his wife, ‘Mary rub this fork around your vagina before I take it to the blind man.’ Mary complies and hands her husband the fork back. As the blind man walks in and sits down, the owner is ready and waiting. ‘Good afternoon sir, this time I remembered you and I already have the fork ready for you.’ The blind man puts the fork to his nose, takes a deep whiff and says, ‘Hey I didn't know that Mary worked here?’ |
A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads: Cheese Sandwich: - $1.50. Chicken Sandwich: - $2.50. Hand Job: - $10.00. Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks to an eager-looking group of men. ‘Yes?’ she inquires with a knowing smile, ‘can I help you?’ ‘I was wondering’, whispers the man, ‘are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?’ ‘Yes’, she purrs, ‘indeed I am’ The man replies ‘Well wash your hands, I want a cheese sandwich!’ |
Sincerely, not being biased, if Biafra were manufacturing these sophisticated war armaments in a fierce war condition when her sides were all besieged and blockage, with no access to international market and raw materials, what wud Biafra hv achieved n become- technologically, by now if only the war became a success. Forget antagonism, take a minute to think abt it. |
The topic is more on the personality of the people's general, Ojukwu |
A CBN manager that cant steer our economy to positivity. He shud better go contest an election into the house and debate and argue with his kind, he has no business and knowledge of 21st century banking. He has been trying to sell his induced failed bank for close to a year yet no meanful suitor has seeked interest, No 3 institutions did A pakistani bank- a second tier bank just like wema bank in Nigeria. A private Lebanese club A south Africa microfinance/community bank Is that not a disgrace? These banks sanusi intends sell were just before he came on board were chased around by the big wigs in international banking. Llords tsb bank of britain, stanbic of southafrica, even morgan stanley and US city bank. Sanusi might mk a Gud law maker with his boldness but CBN manager ? I dont think so. He has no international reputation neither has he got the acumen to develop our banking industry to height it shud maintain in this year and time, and induce confidence to lure investors. Be shud get out. But he wudnt. |
name 2 things he has done? if not wreck our economy? "debanked" the banks caused massive lay off = unemployment = high rate of criminality = kidnapings no new idea. ooh there is one, to Islamize our banking system. clap for him. the spread of our banks has been cut off, nibbed at its infant by aggressive "bold" call out and maladminstrtion by sanusi boys. dont forget if our banks spread into other countries and their citizens deposit in the banks, somehow somehow that is money availble to the nigerian investors and nigerian as a whole. swiss bank shud ring a bell. why do u think london is so rich= their international Banks!! |
na wao , for people ooh, why are u shouting and praising sanusi, have u taken time to read the fine lines of the advise? Most developed nations are devaluing, why not Nigeria? (im not saying im in support of the said devaluation) Sanusi need to make a case of why the currency doesnt need one at this time. simply taking a seemingly stubborn stand and lesser demanding responsibility and saying a NO doesnt make it the better decision. Nigeria is not an industrial exporting nation if the naira gets any strong as a result of other nations devaluing their currency wud mean an influx of imported, current-rate -induced-cheaper foreign goods thereby knocking out any resurgent manufacturing sector. which wud then lead to massive redundancy and death of our companies. lay off of workers. your mother and my father wud be laid off. No food for my brother and ur sister. inability to pay the ensuing house rents wud mean a quick notice . which wud then lead ur family and mine to oshodi under bridge! NOW IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT? stop praising sanusi , rather ask him to make a convincing case as why not?( thats why he is paid) |
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macjive01:could someone confirm the bold please |
interesting read |
Ojukwu´s Mantra The elder statesman’s benefit to the country and Igboland in particular is even becoming more and more invaluable by the day. For example, his APGA has succeeded in giving Anambra State headed by the resourceful and amiable Governor Peter Obi a democratic, stable and meaningful government. Apart from the ex-Nigeria Information Minister Prof. Dora Akunyili who has resigned from both her office and her party PDP and joined Ojukwu`s APGA to contest a senatorial seat, there are many other prominent Igbo politicians who are abandoning their parties, mainly PDP, to join in the APGA queue. With this trend, I foresee Ojukwu’s APGA taking over all the Igbo states in Nigeria. And, with the success of APGA so far and given the current situation on the ground, it appears that what Ojukwu could not achieve militarily, he has succeeded in achieving through democratic means, by giving the Igbos a party they can call their own, at least in Anambra State and, with time, this will happen in all states in Igboland. Only time will tell. Also, see http://www..com/ng/politics-and-politikings/4333-apga-targets-imo-abia-adamawa-in-2011-polls.html It is believed that once APGA becomes the ruling party in majority of the Igbo states, definitely, that will no doubt change the whole political equation in Nigeria. I foresee APGA in Nigeria playing the role of Christlich Soziale Union (CSU) in Germany. In a country like Germany, Edmund Stoiber’s conservative CSU, a regional political party, has been ruling the state of Bavaria for decades. Bavaria is described as one of the richest, influential, and conservative states in Germany. The CSU is so powerful that with the Christlich Demokratische Union Deutschlands (CDU) they have once ruled Germany for 16 uninterrupted years under Chancellor Helmut Kohl. Confederation, which Ojukwu advocated in Aburi, a fact missing in discussions among Nigerians, and which they would swear never happened, is what a country like Nigeria with many different ethnic groups needs. Most European nations that have attained economic sufficiency and good democratic governance were able to achieve all that through confederation. Switzerland is a very good example. The original ethnic groups that came together and formed the Swiss confederation in 1291 were the Uri, Schwyz and Unterwalden, and the last units that joined the union were the Valais, Neuchâtel and Genéve in 1815. The CH in the country’s official records means Confoederatio Helvetica. “Confoederatio” stands for “confederation.” “Helvetica” is taken from Latin “Helvetier.” And, in order to maintain the original language of their ancestors, they adopted four different official languages, namely, German, French, Italian and Romansh. In the case of Nigeria, a weak central government and stronger states that would manage their natural resources and send the agreed percentage to the weak federal government would ensure strong economic growth through healthy competition between the states, as the states would be trying to emulate each other. This would reduce the political tension in the country among ethnic groups. It will also make Nigeria’s Aso Rock less attractive, as there would be no more `National-Cake` at the centre waiting for any person/group to cut up and chew. Agreed, it will not remove completely the sectarian violence in the country, but will reduce it drastically. This is what Ojukwu has tried unsuccessfully to effect in Nigeria and for the betterment of the life of the average Igbo. Definitely, from the foregoing, one could see that the man`s life is tied together with the Igbo history in Nigeria. According to his wife, Bianca Onoh, in an interview granted the Daily Sun on 10 April 2010, Ojukwu has “done nothing but live and breathe the Igbo cause. Sometimes he would hear of some injustice somewhere and he would stay awake all night, trying to find how it can be redressed, Any time an Igboman suffers any form of injustice, it makes his blood boil, even in situations when he feels helpless.” Governor Peter Obi of Anambra State described him as “a unique personality that will always advise on what will be for the good of the Igbos without seeking, as many other people do, his entitlements or any form of gratification.” Obi goes further to say that the “last thing he said to me, when he was already down with the current sickness, before it developed further, was to remain an Igboman in all its ramifications and to continue to do whatever is possible for the ultimate good of Igbo people. Do them without expectation of payment, but out of love for the Igbos.” Before he boarded a flight from the Biafran-built Uli-airstrip that took him to exile the American `Newsweek` quoted him to have sworn that “Whilst I live, Biafra lives.” The world has seen that Chukwemeka Odumegwu Ojukwu is a wonderful man who has risked his life, including his family’s wealth for the unity of Nigeria and for the defense of his oppressed Igbo people, which is why they love him so much. Recently, Anambra State honoured him with his last request which was for them to re-elect the incumbent governor of the state. The appreciations he receives and the crowds that follow him anywhere he goes is unimaginable. Again, according to Bianca, his wife, an ex beauty queen who won the 1988 edition of the most beautiful girl in Nigerian pageant as well as Miss Intercontinental beauty contest in 1989, at a time during a trip at in the city of Aba, a market was dismantled to make way for Ojukwu’s motorcade. She says, referring to the man, that people believe it is human to make mistakes. Therefore, he has been bestowed with extraordinary titles never ever given to any person in Igbo history. For example, his Nnewi town of origin gave him the title of Ikemba Nnewi (the strength of Nnewi), while the entire Igbo nation calls him “Dikedioramma,” (beloved hero of the nation) and also the Eze Ndigbo Gburugburu (the maximum ruler of the whole Igboland). I doff my hat in salute to Odumegwu, one of the giants of Afrika. To you, I say I fall where you fall, and I stand where you stand. The people’s General continues trudging on! I wish you a good recovery! PS: As a soldier, academic, historian and head of state and commander in chief of the defunct Republic of Biafra, his much-awaited memoir is going to be one of the most important books in the history of the “Giant of Africa” Nigeria. This is because it is going to straighten the records and uncover the mysteries surrounding many events that took place on both sides. As a Biafra survivor myself I cannot describe how much I am craving for it too. From Wiesbaden, Hessen Germany irokoafrika@yahoo.com http://www.nigeriavillagesquare.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=17925&Itemid=46 |
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