pocohantas:


Not every market sells in kg. Many use the bargaining method and are not open to using scales. Thanks for the advice still.

I hear this all the time but by experience I have come to realize that most people are unaware that they all do sell by weight. I have been to a lot of markets and I have never come across a market that does not sell by weight (atleast within lagos and abuja).
You just need to ask them and they would bring the scale out for you, or burrow from a friend nearby. They usually prefer selling by the bargaining method (in order to cheat) but if you insist that you want to use a scale they would bring it out promptly instead of loosing that customer.

pocohantas:
I dread buying meat. I think buying meat is the true test of your negotiation skills because this is where you can be ripped badly. Other items like frozen food, vegetable oil and seasoning cubes have fixed prices. Even if there is a difference, it would be N20-50.

But you see meat (beef or goat meat)? If you snooze, you would lose badly.

To buy meat, I make a mental calculation of how many pieces of N50/100 meat I can get from it. Just the way bukas cut their meat. Then take away another sum as a discount on bulk purchase.

Thankfully I have a butcher that does me well now and my calculation never fails when I get home to cut into my preferred size.

Yes I cut myself. Even my chicken and turkey, I cut myself. There are dedicated knives for this sha.

Just buy it by weight. Beef is currently 2,500 per kg in almost any market in lagos and it has been that way for over 6 months now. You can even buy half kg at 1300. Even when they don't have a scale they would burrow from the nearby chicken and fish sellers. Also check that the scale is on zero when the pan is ontop because they would always try to cheat by setting the scale to start counting after zero. Ask the seller to remove any bones from the portion he is selling because bones have a higher density and tend to weigh more. Once they notice you know their tricks and games the dubious ones would usually decide not to sell. Don't even bother hassling with them, there are always many more sellers to buy from just a step away.

suicidesheep:


Dude I grew up in abuja. There was no woman in the house so we always bought food outside.
As at 2008, classy restaurants. Let me see, mama cass in area 11, grand square (in central business area, it's a mall, but there's a restaurant side. Also their food was sure Friday food), melting pot in wuse 2. There's even on sweet outdoors Africa kitchen in area where does banks are. And trust me. As at 2008 their food weren't expensive

I am still yet to get the answer to the question that I asked.... So Please tell me how much an average plate of food costs in the restaurant at grand square today and also in 2008, since you are so well informed. I have been to the restaurant at grand square, infact I used to frequent there around 2015 because I worked around that area, Panache restaurant is a bit of a walkable distance from that particular restaurant, tell me the cost then and now also. You can google it if you don't know. If you are not ready to mention figures then Don't be so quick to call people liars.

suicidesheep:


I just weak o, unto 2008 again o.

Even really good restaurants in abuja town didn't sell 2 plates of food for 10k then. People go just dey lie

I really wonder why I have to prove that I am not aliar. This would only help to derail the thread from its original purpose but then...I would still try for the sake of more sane commenters who might want to give their opinion in future.

Lets play a game, Please List 3 classy restaurants in abuja and the average cost of food there presently: let's me see if you know what you are talking about.
Note: I have lived and worked in abuja for 5 years and I am a foodie.

Kriss216:

I think you're right.

His father must be a billionaire to be giving him 20K monthly allowance as a student in 2008. A bag of rice then was N7000 or below.
NYSC allawee was N9,775 monthly.

I really don't know why I have to prove this, but to put things in context my dad was not even a millionaire, he was just fair and a bit generous.
Although I am pretty sure I am talking to someone who has never been responsible for another human, let me still ask.....

How much would be a fair amount to give to your child for a month who went to school without knowing how to cook?
Having in mind that the average cost of food in a bukka was 300naira at the time and also having in mind that the person eats twice a day for 30 days. And also having in mind that the student also uses some money to transport
to and from school to the hostel on a daily basis, buy handouts, cloth themselves, airtime.
I would really love to hear your response on this.

chidekings:

people and bar faced lies.even the eatery na for market.10k for two plates of food in 2008

Read my write up again, I did not say we went to a market. A market survey simply means to search for the cost of a list of items. The market survey was not done in a market. We went to different computer shops to do that.
This happened in owerri, I can not remember the exact name of the restaurant at the moment, it was just a one off. But those saying that is a lie probably have not visited a classy restaurant before. Think of jevniks and the likes, the average cost per person without any extras was usually around 5k by then. I don't know about now but I am pretty sure it would cost way more today.

....

Would you call this a stingy act?
Date with my girl gone wrong.

Short recap:
Several years ago (probably around 2008), i and my girl had spent a year together dating at the time, and I was in my final year. We lived as neighbours in the same off-campus student's lodge. The school was located in a rural area, hence no access to good restaurants, supermarkets, malls and other places a couple could go to have fun. So we hardly ever did go out.

On some fateful day, we had a break from school, due to public holidays and I decided to go to a nearby town to do a market survey/window shopping of some computer parts (I am a computer enthusiast). She had complained earlier on, that she was quite bored, so I decided to kill two birds with a stone, by asking her to come along with me so that we could have the experience together.

Long story short, we went on the survey, which took about two hours plus and by time we were done, we were hungry and exhausted and luckily there was an eatry around that area. I decided that we should go in and have lunch. I made a rough estimate in my mind, that it would probably cost the both of us 5k to have a meal and drinks similar to other eatries which I was accustomed to at the time. But on getting to the checkout, I realised it was almost twice my estimate (at this time I was not working and paying for this meal of almost 10k was to come from my monthly allowance from my parents which was basically 20k). I quickly improvised given the situation i found myself and asked my girl to take her order. She requested for some fried rice and some chicken, while I just requested for a meatpie and drinks to subsidize the cost and then requested for 2 spoons so we could share the rice (Total cost now came down to roughly 6k). The waiter promptly obliged and hence i paid and we proceeded to our seats with the food.

She asked if I wasn't going to order food for myself and i replied by telling her that I ordered for two spoons so that we could share (I could have some of her rice and she could have some of my meatpie).
I noticed her countenance changed and she didn't like the idea.
I asked her why she was upset and she couldn't mention. She commenced eating and I picked up my spoon to dig in to her rice (we always eat together from a plate at home, the difference now is that we are in public) and immediately I put my spoon in she stopped eating and refused to eat the food any further, safe for the few spoons she had eaten before I joined her. I tried to cajoule her to continue eating but she refused and at the end of the day I had to continue eating the food alone.
I tried to make things lively on our way home by making one more stop before heading home, where I bought her some novels. (she loved reading romance novels back then) she picked 2 of them but still her countenance didn't really improve much.
On getting home and some days later, when she was finally able to talk about it, she opened up and told me that she sees what I did at the eatery of not ordering for 2 plates of food for the both of us as a very stingy act. I tried to explain to her why It had to happen that way but she took it with a pinch of salt.
Recently after all this years have passed she reminded me about that incidence again in an unrelated argument and I was shocked that despite my explanation of that event she kept it at the back of her mind as a reason to judge me as a stingy person.

Now my question to the ladies (mainly because I am a man and understand that we see things from different perspectives) and anyone patient enough to have gotten to this point:

Is this act really a stingy act?
And please explain your answers.
Probably telling me how you could have handled the eatry situation better if you were in my shoes.

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Nigerian based Atheist male here, married to a christian female for about 2 years now, we dated for much longer than 5 years prior!
Before I got married, I had several relationships (about 10 ladies, mostly igbos and some yorubas, all christians) but I have never dated a fellow atheist for one simple reason, which is...just like diamonds, in nigeria it is very difficult to come across a female atheist.
My marriage has its ups and downs, like every other marriage, but one surprising thing is that our religious difference hardly ever leads to any issues. Also, It has never really been a relationship deal breaker, from the point of view of any of my previous love interests.
When I ask them why, they simply mention that I treat them nicely or that I am a nice person.

Note: I am not very outgoing and i don't have a fat bank account either, so my desirability to the opposite sex has little or nothing to do with them being lured by the promise of financial stability or charisma.

Summary: Under the hood, we (humans) are all the same, and we just want to love and be loved. If that feeling is satisfied, every other thing na jara!

ojuu4u:


Oga let me tell you reality but may bitter, this life is a race, if you are the middle of the race, you have no time to waste if you want to catch up at the end, the girl in question had tried note than enof for the guy, since tins refused to turn its better to move on, time wait for nobody Mr man

The problem is that you view life as a competition between your peers. But relationship is not a competition, It is a team sport.

As long as you are in a relationship you are team player.

View it as a relay race instead. you run your lap and pass the baton to your partner, your concern is not if your partner is running as fast as you are while you are running. You focus on your run and do your best while it is your turn. Then pass the baton to your partner and cheer them on to also do their best, the may fall but what matters is that they get up and keep running and moving forward, while you stand by and cheer them on.

ojuu4u:


Let me take you back to own story.

A lady who is cook married guy who marry final year student.

Final year student is still Young, at most under 30, even thou he was undergraduate, did u knw so many legitimate stuff, he was into that was bringing money? My friend" son bought Lexus car(legitimate income o) before he was posted to youth service.

Comparing it with 36 year old guy of ND older who refused to struggle to bring income but wholly depend of woman as his shield

I

I clearly mentioned that the guy in my experience was earning nothing when the cook married him. Infact let me add to it for clarity sake, so that you would be aware, he had no direction at the time, he started with teaching and kept on progressing till he became a professor, all the time being funded by his wife.

Also, The OP clearly mentioned that the guy in question has been trying and failing at different ventures which shows that he is not lazy, just that he has met some bad luck in life. We are quick to label people lazy and unproductive just like our president forgetting that in life despite all the hard work, the environment we find ourselves and luck is sometimes a factor. Someone who has not made it in life at 35, can not be labelled a failure except he chooses to give up. I can never call anyone who is still trying
new things and pursuing his or her dreams a failure. That guy has not chosen to give up that is why he is not shying away from getting married to her knowing fully well that she is in a better financial state than he is. With her little financial and emotional support he can do better.

If he tells himself (what 90% of nairaland is suggesting), that she is not in his league and that he should keep waiting for a breakthrough, it might come, but it might also not come.

Tell me, if you were drowning in an a ocean and calling for help and the only person who stretches her hand for help is a lady, would you say that because you are a man, who is supposed to be stonger therefore divinely ordained to save her and hence, you would reject the help and keep swimming indefinitely to your safety?

@ O.P.

Start with what you have and turn your lemons to lemonade. A bird in hand is worth 10 in the bush. The problem I see here is that you are indecisive like most nigerian women and also suffering from poverty both mentally and physically. Else making your choice wouldn't be a problem at all. It is not how you start but the effort you put in it that matters. Focus on your own achievements and also help him where you can, it is not easy, but very achievable.

Yes we know that love can fade, same as money. But then again, it has been proven too many times that love is the best foundation for any relationship, as long as humanity is concerned.

A person who isn't suffering from poverty mentality would buckle up and double her hustle to create the life she wants for herself. She would never see her partners financial inability/ability as limiting her. If she is successfull, they both are.

You can trust that I know what I am saying, as I am speaking from my many experiences.

For example,
I know of a cook in a hotel (a lady), from a humble background who married her childhood friend, a final year student of education. They both started life with almost nothing practically living in a single room apartment.

Fastforward 5 years later she gets a contract from a client in her hotel to supply diesel and with her hotel experience she is able to penetrate most hotels and grows her biz with the help of her husband. Fastforward again, another 15 years later he is a professor (schooling
was funded by her biz) in a federal university and they have 4 kids together. The biz has crumbled now but the man who had no source of income initially is the backbone of the family today paying for the tuition of the last 2 children in foreign universities, while she (the lady in question) is trying to regain her feet.

There were challenges but they faced them squarely and made a beautiful future for themselves.
If this lady had listened to that aunty who said she should not be stupid, she might have still been there asking God for a financially stable man in her 40's. Whereas that her aunty that adviced her against marriage is still unmarried till date and still hoping for a financially stable man, in frustration, instead of turning her lemons to lemonade.

The other of her aunty who was advising her, got married to a domineering patriach, who is 15 years older than her and treats her like a piece of furniture but she would not mention that part when dishing out her unsolicited advice.

We are humans and we come preinstalled with brains for a reason, "to solve problems". If you focus your brain enough on solving your problem and face the initial pain rather than trying to run away anytime there is a challenge. Your problem will have to give way at some point.

EvE11:
Don't make the mistake of marrying someone who doesn't have a steady source of income. It always ends in tears. It is never right, and can never be.

Reading this comment made me realize that people come online and post whatever rubbish they like (just so that they can sound politically correct), but go on to live an entirely different life.

addictiv:
Reading comments here show that poverty has really altered the mindset of many Nigerians. One thing I have learnt is in life there re no right or wrong decisions, you make a decision and put in the work everyday to make it the right decision for you.

A thousand likes for this statement.
Even those that have money in their bank accounts still suffer from poverty mentality.

Valentine's day, some years back,. The foremost thing on my mind was how to put a smile on the face of my then girlfriend. We were in a long distance relationship, which made things a bit tricky (constant misunderstandings) and we were having one of those many quarrels at the time.
I had already paid to an oriflame marketer online to deliver some cosmetic products to her office. I also decided to send flowers but settled upon the idea of a single rose flower. Not a bunch, just a single rose flower, (I wasn't quite buoyant, so I had to make do with that). The items and delivery cost came to about 20,000 naira total. It was a real rose flower though.
To cut the long story short, she was very happy about the rose flower in particular that she completely forgot about our argument and kept gushing over the flower all through that day, saying no one had ever given her a rose before. She even took a picture of her sniffing it and uploaded to her social media handles.

She kept taking and editing more pictures with it, different poses day after day and she kept saying how she loved the scent of the rose and how she never knew roses had such a wonderful fragrance.
The rose finally died probably 4 days later. And she sent me the final picture of it withering away.
We are married now (years later) and till date I haven't seen her in such a euphoric state even though I have spent more money on more expensive gifts since then.

That event made me come up with a theory that the fragrance of the rose flower had the same effect that cocaine or some other narcotics has on its users. She literarily kept getting high from sniffing the flower all through the period it had a scent.

So now tell us yours, what little act of love have you expressed to your spouse that gave you the most unexpected and over-appreciated reaction?

Nice thread, I am currently doing something similar. I would like to give you a PM so that we can go the journey together.

can we see the picture of the logo at-least? that may help us follow your gist

Nice job

lekki1444:
Dreams are ways your subconscious passes messages to you. This can be a message you need to act on to improve your family unit or it could be just any other messages

My mum always comes to me in my dreams since i was a child and tells me to stop calling her mum, that she is not my mother and then begins to chase me afterwards, i usually wake up in a frightened state. On some of those occasions i wake up to see her in my room, staring at me in bewilderment. i disclosed this to her and she just laughed about it, saying it is just a silly dream. In real life we have a sweet sour relationship as mum and son.

i am trying to use google analytics to monitor a facebook page, please how can i do that?

I have done a google search but most of the information I get are outdated (2017). I need some current info. Thanks in anticipation.

WandaMaximoff:


Don't do that. The court of social media will murder your marriage. Let's say she's wrong, do you think showing her this post will make her change?

If you've tried all avenues to get her to change and she has refused to, there has to be an elderly person she respects that you can talk to about your situation. That beats tabling your marital issues to small children whose only contributions will be "you're a simp", many of whom are either not married or broken from the hurts of vile women or trauma from hateful upbringing.

Talk to someone she respects.

Thanks a lot, i would do so.
I initially didn't want to do so because i didn't want to start bringing third parties into the relationship, but i feel its better of to do so now before they bring themselves in by force when relationship is damaged beyond repair.

heendrix:


Exactly infact I wonder how some men are created. anyways ion know what I'll do sha cause I can't imagine the person I'm taking care of her responsibility hissing at me

Actually i dont take care of her responsibility, we share responsibilities financially and otherwise. but the problem does not come from who takes responsibility over what, the problem is all about willingness to change ingrained habits.

WandaMaximoff:
See ehn, if you want that marriage to see the light of day, don't bring your marital issues to Nairaland. Your marriage will be over before your thread gets to page 2.

You are living with a full grown adult for the first time, you both have weird habits that will irritate each other. Trust me, I'm sure there are habits she is also tolerating from you.

Marriage is give and take. I'd suggest you talk to her when the mood is lighter, pillow talk in the bedroom is a perfect time. Tell her how her hygiene makes you feel and tell her it would make you really happy if she changes.

Speaking up just at the time you noticed another of the unhygienic habit won't help you as you will be addressing it with anger.

If you can't settle a small matter like this amongst yourselves, there are worse storms in marriage o.

We have talked about it quietly on several occasions before (the reason why i am now labelled a complainer about insignificant things: she has called me petty on several occasions for complaining about things like this) and she basically sees nothing wrong with what she does. I plan to show her this thread, so that she can see at least that not even a single person that commented so far approves her weird toilet habits.