₦airaland Forum

iamsomatil:
Bruh...I have been in your exact same shoe....only difference is the other wife had only one child..but our dad was a destitute,never cared for any of us...our mum saw us through school..Thank God she was well off, she used to work in a bank back then...when we grew up, he came to beg us..my elder siblings forgave him (i am the last born) i did not forgive him till he died....you don't want to imagine the guilt i hav been living with since then..i wish i had forgiven him regardless of everything.....believe me, the best thing you can do for yourself is to forgive him wholeheartedly....Free yourself from the shackles of the past

I have notin against him..

patorial:
Like I said, that's the only thing I can tell you.

I can tell. U dt u r a dreamer

You be trouble maker

GGIA:


tochez24

tochez24:
Nah your papa be beadbeat if at all you have one.... idiot⚠️

Did you hear me say my dad was one abi Ogun won kill you and your generations throw way😡😡

Closed

edward1106:
There is an age you get to as a child, your father or mom becomes like a very close friend. The difference btw him and others den becomes just the respect you accord but can't afford others.
Pay him a visit or better still, pay him a visit and let your mom be there as well. Preinform there is a matter to be discussed.
And then, table your restlessness you have been having. Tell him you want to know why things were the way they were then. If he doesn't explain. Greet him and walk away but still send him money. This way, you have aired your mind even if you didn't get any helpful answers.
But I believe he will explain things out, good or bad and be cautious as with your mother, you best know her personality and how her mouth might work in such situations.
SOMETIMES, mothers are the cause of why fathers behave the way they did, though not a valid excuse. But not wanting to go dark so it doesn't look like they are visiting the sins of the mother on the children, the father will just do some of his duties, but not all.
And these doesn't mean we still don't have irresponsible fathers who don't just give a damn.
And lastly, see it this way, some things are put in this life for us to learn from and so not make same mistake. There are certain actions by people we shouldn't be criticising.e.g Peter denying Jesus.
Sometimes I think they were meant to happen just the way they happened. What is most important is how we/they react to such actions afterwards.
In all, learn from your dad's supposed mistakes and be a better father than he is.
Am from a polygamous home. I understand your plight even though my dad is the exact opposite of yours. My father had his own demons he battled with. Such will be the life of every father. God help us all cos we aren't taught or trained to be fathers. We learn from our society and apply what we "think" best work for our immediate family.

Bro, mother is not the cause of anything..

If na mother, what abt my step brothers and sisters, they were even treated worst than us... Cud it be there mother too?

If i relate my experience with u especially how my dad treated my mother when she was very sick eh., chaiii

Same mother that left her own business to come stay with my dad during his surgery and operation.

My dad paid back with wickedness..

I no wan remember, bro.... Cos if I remember, I go dislike my papa more sha

waleolaniyan:
Manipulative power of woman at work. Truth will unfold with time. By then it may be too late.

Here come another African man.. Always Defending and believing that a man does no wrong

They blame the irresponsibilities of a man on the woman.

Like we were blind and deaf to see what's going on àbi..

edward1106:
There is an age you get to as a child, your father or mom becomes like a very close friend. The difference btw him and others den becomes just the respect you accord but can't afford others.
Pay him a visit or better still, pay him a visit and let your mom be there as well. Preinform there is a matter to be discussed.
And then, table your restlessness you have been having. Tell him you want to know why things were the way they were then. If he doesn't explain. Greet him and walk away but still send him money. This way, you have aired your mind even if you didn't get any helpful answers.
But I believe he will explain things out, good or bad and be cautious as with your mother, you best know her personality and how her mouth might work in such situations.
SOMETIMES, mothers are the cause of why fathers behave the way they did, though not a valid excuse. But not wanting to go dark so it doesn't look like they are visiting the sins of the mother on the children, the father will just do some of his duties, but not all.
And these doesn't mean we still don't have irresponsible fathers who don't just give a damn.
And lastly, see it this way, some things are put in this life for us to learn from and so not make same mistake. There are certain actions by people we shouldn't be criticising.e.g Peter denying Jesus.
Sometimes I think they were meant to happen just the way they happened. What is most important is how we/they react to such actions afterwards.
In all, learn from your dad's supposed mistakes and be a better father than he is.
Am from a polygamous home. I understand your plight even though my dad is the exact opposite of yours. My father had his own demons he battled with. Such will be the life of every father. God help us all cos we aren't taught or trained to be fathers. We learn from our society and apply what we "think" best work for our immediate family.

Thank you boss....

I really appreciate.... The treatment is not only on us but all his kids... Infact, he never cared abt any of us... My steps siblings and all..

Man was just all abt himself, parties and so on


But it's well sha....

COOL10:
Look at this one. Deal with what? 😆


You're the one with daddy issues, not me. You're the one whining all over the thread like a spoilt, hurt, little brat. You're obviously the one who has a lot to deal with. 😄


I initially didn't want to quote you, because I didn't deem it important to do so, but since you decided to be foolish enough to quote my reply to someone else's comment, now, I'm not going to restrain myself from telling you the cold, hard truth.


You think you're mean, right? You think your father deserves the harsh treatment that you give him. Clap for yourself; you're doing well 👏.


I laugh at your stupidity 😄. You know absolutely nothing.


If you think that I'm going to tell you to change, then you're wrong. Keep on treating him badly, you hear? As a matter of fact, I advice that you triple your efforts.


You may be blind right now, but one day, your eyes shall open and you'll see what you've done to yourself.


One day, you'll wake up to realise that you've turned into the very person you hate. All your efforts to be different from him, gone just like that, and by that time, it may be too late to do anything about it.


I feel sorry for you, I really do. You'll never know what a father's love feels like, but that serves you right, because you're not deserving of one.

Cry baby....

But we the children deserve the harsh treatment he gave us all right?

Trashy comment... I don't even want father love, what is the essence of father love I didn't get when I was small, ńa when I don dey feed myself I kon need father love?

Iranu

ariesbull:
you can't live with unforgiviness for years and still be okay ...that's wickedness

.
Unforgiveness is sending him money àbi..

Say another thing abeg

Chinny024:
There's nothing to feel guilty at all..
The only thing u owe him is a befitting burial..That's if u want to..

Take good care of ur mom pls..

She is the only reason u are productive to the society..Imagine, if u never had the opportunity of going to school?..How life would hv been?.

Lesson to men.

Love and care for ur kids...U never can tell which one would look at ur face at old age..Kids doesn't forget who was there when they needed them the most.

Mother's love can never be unmatched!!!!

I can't spend my saving to give the dead any expensive burial. I am still hustling and won't even commit 50% if my savings for burial anytin. We go just do small prayer and do it low key when his time reaches.. But i hope not now as I want him to carry my grand kids

If not for my mum effort and God, I for dey go hopeless and probably useless for street.

My younger brother sponsored his own self to school as my dad didn't care abt him....

These people don't know what it feels like

COOL10:
They don't understand. It's only those who've lost their fathers that'll understand where you're coming from.

Even if I don't have a father. Notin will shake me.


But a mother is wat I can't afford to lose...

Deal with it

ariesbull:
your name is Mercy so act merciful ...don't be a disgrace

How do you people live with bittermess and unforgiving for years


Una dey try ...Na only witch fit do that

Yen yen yen.... Tell me. How wicked I am pls

ariesbull:
Bitterness will lead me and my unborn kids to depression and they will either have stroke or commit suicide


Why are you bitter towards your father...return hate with love ...love him ,forgive him and make life simpler

Amen for you

Chassy03:
You better be there for your own son or wife too or else nemesis will hunt you down when you born ... I be nonsense pikin

Fixed for you

udemzyudex:
Read the op post again, it has nothing to do with when the time comes.

The mum was not even staying with them, they were with their dad.
Is that you guy can't comprehend things?

They don't read to understand

Ezzymadu:
My guy thank God ur Dad is still alive.
i'll advice you to budget some amount of money then you will decide either to invite he 1week or 1month to ur house feed him, cloth him, call doctor to care,take he out to any cool joint etc. the rest is a story.YOUR HIS PRODUCT.

Joker... I will rather do that for my mom and my younger brother than my dad..
Those are the people that helped me really in life..

Maybe when I marry, I fit invite am come my house..

Where the money sef

Akhaz024:
I read everything
Irrespective of what his father has done he should honor him.

And please don't reply me, I am only talking to Op, I am only talking to OP he is the only that should reply me please.

What does it mean to. Honor one's father?

I never said I was dishonouring him.

I just feel bad abt the past and he cud have done better.

Akhaz024:
Don't let the past steal your present. You are still judging thing base on the past like seriously you are not the only one into this.

I was in University my dad sent little fund I was very angry at him because I knew he was capable to some extent. There was a particular time I was scared of failing I didn't know what happened to me I just called him, he thought I wanted to ask for money and I told him to pray for me that I am scared of failing it was very emotional since then he started calling me and asked about my school life.

What measure have you taken. How often have you called him on phone. Anyone can change.

Oga I don't care if as I don't have any reason. Bro.


Let the man enjoy his life, while I do mine

Atleast whenever he needs money and he calls, I do send to him.

I get my life to face..

maak400:
I understand you because I also experienced something a bit similar but not extreme like yours. My dad took care of us to the best of his ability. Just like someone said, tell your dad you would like to have a discussion with him with only both of you in attendance. Ask him to pour his heart to you and why he treated you and your sibling that way. When I lost my dad, I actually regretted not asking him to narrate his side of the whole story and also pour his heart out. Men have their own internal battles that they find difficult to discuss with anyone, I just realized that now that I have my own wife and kids. No matter how cruel he is, I tell you that you will miss him when he's gone and you'll actually regret not having a one on one discussion with him and hearing him speak from his heart.

Internal battles na to dey go party up and down while your kids no even get cloth... To dey hide money like sáy he dey carry am go heaven..

Rent the room we are living to someone else for us to go and be squatting...

Oga our fathers are different... Don't compare pls

I stayed with my father longer longer longer longer than I see my mom, don't say mother influence me

patorial:
The only thing, I can tell you here is that the day your father dies, you will love him more than your mother.
I'm commenting from experience.

Dreamer... Notin can ever make me like my dad than my mother... Notin

Is it financially support

Is it fasting and prayer that mom does on us

Is it the go and come she does all bcox of us?


You are joker man... I repeat, a joker

saasala:
You might be totally wrong in your assumption about your father.

African fathers don't tell their kids they are broke, they only shout at you and say "Go and meet your mother"

Those times you thought he didn't care, he was probably very broke.

The crazy part is, your mum must have fed you ugly stories about your Dad while growing up which have made you resent him so much. Trust me, he is niot as bad as you think.

I thought my Dad was wicked until I grew up to become a man. He was just a poor man who would have done more if he had money

Shebi you seff don become man, you go born pikin and you go understand

Stop saying what u don't know..

My mom taught us to love our dad even when we don't have to.

Did u even read my post at all?

We stayed with our dad all tru, mom only comes once in a while.. Dey read post

.

Horlamidei:
My story is almost similar as yours. I never gave the man that chance of reaching me even when he tried. He did all he could, I made sure I ghosted him..! Rejecting his calls and ignoring his messages. All I wanted from him is him purely saying am sorry. I even went to an extent telling some of my friends, if he dies, I won’t feel it, but when he did, [/b]omo, I wept bitterly like a child. Till now, I haven’t forgiven myself for not giving him that father and son relationship when he wanted it btw me and him badly [b]

I strongly doubt it if I can ever forgive myself for life. Upon all my efforts of bringing his bad side to my memory so I can get him off, that aspect of him trying to establish that relationship btw us still fades in and hope I can forgive myself.

Dad, please forgive me..

Mine reaches me... I send him money every month... Just dt i don't feel free with him

.

obesse:
No problem. When the time comes you will understand.

Sorry to say... When the time come, I won't treat my kids the way my father treated again

telim:
Looks like such dad are in every nook and crannies of Nigeria. Dont send him shishi

No. I will keep doing what I can do for him but I won't sweat on him.

udemzyudex:
Rubbish post everything is not about being manipulative, kids have brains too, the mum was the one coming while they stayed with their father, so what's your point here?

Oga zukwanike jare.

Thank you...

Dad even rented out the room we are staying and we had to go squat with one of our step..

Omo story plenty

..

cenaman:
You haven't forgiven him....

Maybe a little

Blakjewelry:
Since you already know its a problem then it's a start. Learn to let go of the past. Better still sit him down and pour out your thoughts and given then and there also it will take a burden off your shoulders.

I don't think there is anytin to seat an old man and talk about..

I still do what I do for him like sending him money monthly.... I don't think there is sumtin else I need from him.


Dad attend party buys aṣọ ebi but never deem it fit to ever buy us clothes or shoes to wear. Never ever did..

Only mom will wear rag so that we can wear good thing. Story plenty

Growing up with my family, I grew up not liking my dad but liking my mother so much that I can go to the extreme for her. It all started like this;

While we were growing, my dad having like 2 wives never really cared about us. Not even our steps siblings who are older than us. Their own even worse, they struggled and worked hard to get what the want with little or no help from our dad. Except for 1 or 2 out of 7 of them, the rest stopped at secondary school (public). My dad had no intention of being responsible for them.

Back to myself and my brother which are the only kids my mom gave my dad, he never still feels responsible.

Throughout my primary, secondary and tertiary years, I can't pinpoint one time that my dad bought sandal, cloth or anything for us. The only drug my dad has ever bought for us when we are seriously sick is paracetamol, even if we have serious sickness, he doesn't care. All he does is to call my mother to come take care of us (my mother doesn't stay fully with us because it won't even be convenient in such house with step mom but whenever she comes, she could spend a week).

Infact he was un-interested in sending us to school but thanks to my MOTHER. Though she didn't read well as she stopped as primary 5 or so but she said that she vow that she will train her children to school if they are ready to learn. Myself and my bro were ready to learn and my mom entered debts just to make sure we go to school. I could remember giving up when I gained admission, my dad already told us that he didn't send us to go to school ooo. I didn't know how my mother did it, she came home and gave me the acceptance fee and school fees with some other money. ( I cried before and after the incident, I don't know how this woman got this money but I'm sure she took loan).

Sometimes our step mom gets jealous thinking it was my dad that was doing those efforts for us but never did she know that all was my mom. I won't deny, dad contributed little but it was by force, begging his friends to plead to him to pay part of our school fee and all. But he is always boisterous of the fact that his sons are in school and all which angers me to see him boast with me especially.

Till now, I still don't feel responsible for my dad well-being. I have tried adjusting myself to loving him well but I can't. I just like him and respect him as a father but for my mom, I will do anything for her. I will go hungry for her, I will starve for her.

Nairalanders, it's being like 3 or 4 years I went to see my dad even though his place is not too far from me. He has been calling me several times that he wants to see me but I have always told him that I don't have time.

My problem is, my dad has never changed.. He is always concerned about himself, all he ask is money. He hardly calls to check up, except when he need money.
Since I started working, I have never defaulted in sending him money every month but I send my mother 3 times or even 4 times what I send my dad. After all, he has our step brothers and sisters he can always ask for money. So I don't really care about him.

One statement he usually makes since we were small "Go and meet your mother". He doesn't feel responsible for our needs, all na our mother.
Though he gives us daily feeding while we were growing and living under him but thanks to my mother that pays food vendors around to give us food whenever we are hungry because my dad doesn't give us enough.


Many stories but I can't say all...

Nairalanders, I still feel guilty as to why I don't like him. It feels like I have not forgiven him but to be honest, I have no issue with him.

How can I free myself from this guilt?