Have you noticed how our women allow the men folk perform the onerous task of taking off the bra. This from my investigations enables them gauge the level of experience of their male partners. The dexterity or otherwise of the guy in taking off this all important garment will determine the longevity or otherwise of the relationship and in most cases also determine if one will get a second opportunity.
So my Brothers, from my own personal experience, these are five sure fire tactics to cross the boundary the Bra puts up.


1. Use a razor blade. Instead of wasting your time trying to hold the woman with one hand, while trying to unfasten like four clips with just one hand, you just get a razor blade and cut off the offending straps. It's faster and very convenient.

2. A pair of scissors should be the final accessory as you prepare for this date. It's safer, faster than the razor. All you need is a nip and off comes the offending attire.

3. Your teeth. Some guys have been known to chew off the straps of the Bra. They stylishly bite off the straps without inconveniencing the owners while freeing the objects of desire.

4. A drop of acid. Get this in a tiny bottle and when the time is right, use a dispensing droplet and take aim very surreptitiously dropping just one drop each on the two holding straps and watch it melt away. This is recommended for only Airforce tacticians and Airfirce personnel.

5. Where all these fails, just beg.

http://josephedgarng..com/2015/07/5-ways-to-take-off-bra.html

*Joseph Edgar is an accomplished Investment banker who writes as a hobby. He writes an article 'Loud Whispers' every Saturday in This day( Page 20), Where he comments on trending topics in Nigeria from a comical, satirical point of view. He blogs at josephedgarng..com[i][/i]

The Very Poor Boy At Silverbird By Joseph Edgar

I had just come out of a meeting with my new partner Lami yesterday evening, when I decided to detour to the Silverbird galleria to meet up with a friend for drinks, all in a bid to wait out the ever regular traffic jam that has now made Victoria Island a tourist attraction.
After wondering round the galleria boring myself with what it had to offer, I decided to brave the traffic and go home. As I came out of the Galleria a very young boy of twelve, walked up to me and shuffled a pack of cotton buds to my face. He was very persistent and could only mutter the words, 'cotton bud, buy'.


Now, I love cotton buds, the tickle it gives my ears and the sensation that slowly goes through my body, gives me goose pimples and makes me just sleep like a fool. This made me not to be able to resist this littles boys offer, so I asked him how much and he said, 'wazo'. I looked at the security men and asked the meaning of what he had just said. They told me he meant N50, so I paid and collected one pack and moved on.

On second thoughts, I looked back and beckoned at him. He walked towards me, dirty green slippers flashing in the dark. He wore brown shorts, held to his tiny waist with a rope, a faded green shirt and a smile that promised a glowing future despite the present gloom. His energy engaged me and I decided to talk with him.

He lives in Ijora, but comes to VI every evening to sell cotton Buds, he had sold a pack that evening and it was a good day. His mum a local pedicurist was in Ijora with his younger ones waiting eagerly eagerly for his return so that they can prepare dinner. He does not know his father.

After each sale, he will jump on the keke Marwa to Obalende and from there he will board a Bus to one Bus Top from where he will be "seeing Ijora from afar" and from there the last leg of the journey will begins.

His skin was powdery, but his eyes where bright. He smiled confidently and was not fazed with his situation. He spoke glowingly of his mum and his business and was very sure that he would get home safely even though it was late. He always got home safely. He was that sharp and strong.

I stared at their 12 year old and I swear cried. Real tears o. His poverty touched me and I began to wonder just why would a living God allow this. Why would this boy be exposed to such suffering but his smile consoled me. He looked at me with those bright eyes and not understanding why I was crying asked if I wanted more cotton buds. I just looked at him and kept crying.

He didn't understand the tears, but saw this as an opportunity to sell the remaining two packs he was holding in his tiny hands, so he stretched out his hands and said those lovely words, 'cotton, buy'. I took the remaining two and gave him N1000 and he immediately prostrated saying thank you in Yoruba and blessing me.

This was the poor boy, I met yesterday. I will pray for his safety and for his wellbeing. God will bless him, God will continue to protect him, secure his future and give him the presence of mind to forgive this society when he finally gets his triumph.

Amen.

http://josephedgarng..com/2015/07/the-very-poor-boy-at-silverbird.html


Joseph Edgar is an Investment Banker, who writes as a hobby. He has a column in Thisday on Saturdays(Page 20), and a blog josephedgarng.blospot.com where he comments on trending issues from a comical, satirical point of view.

*nb: The Photo attached is an internet image and not the actual photo of the boy

Lalasticlala Ishilove TheRealMrstan Seun

Naira Lander Joseph Edgar Responds to Etcetera's Saturday Article titled: Dear Nigerian Women. Read below:


ETCETERA, A CLOWN IN THE MAKING BY JOSEPH EDGAR
I have never read any of this persons articles because I see him as an unabashed seeker of relevance especially where his failure in his original calling is so apparent, so to keep in the public eye, he resorts to penning shallow and not carefully thought out nonsense which only tickles the fancy of the barely literate and ignorant like himself.
However, I was asked by a friend to go through this his last article in which he chronicles his reason why men cheat. The arrogance of it all makes me feel like puking and the lack of careful understanding of the issues that lead to 'men cheating' was more than obvious in the whole waste of time he has called an article.
This was a major rehash of beer parlor talk. I am sure in his joblessness, he has toured around in his one brown double breasted suit listening to the litany of crass jokes passed by near drunk sailors on the very sensitive relations between men and women and not possessing the deep intellectual faculties needed to decipher fact from sailors talk has scribbled this down as scientific reasons why men cheat.

I abhor this article even if I dare state that there is no general reason that can universally explain why men cheat or even women for that matter. Each case should be looked at from the prism of the unique situation and explain it from that point. Putting a total blanket on it reeks of utter stupidity and drunken melancholy. Having access to various popular social media platforms doesn't give anybody the right to be this stupid.

I could not bring myself to finish the article and here is me hoping that he redeemed himself at the end, but judging from what I had read from the top, I doubt. Seizing on the Toke episode to spew such inanities is the height of wickedness. Me self I yabbed Toke when it happened, but in a lighter mode, because I could feel her pain and the pressure having to go through that kind of mess in the public eye.

Women are very sensitive in nature. They must be loved and protected and when these things happen as they are bound to happen, a safety net should be woven around them to console, comfort and wean them out of the pain instead of casting a net of fallacy and fronting it with intellectually bereft morons like this Etcetera person.

I have cheated in the past and it was not because I am 'a man' and because It's my nature simply by my sex but because I was childish and plain stupid. I saw the pain in the eyes of the victim, I saw a strong woman withdraw into her shell with shame written all over her. I saw a woman who had given me her life and birthed children for me, go from a proud and confident woman to zombie, loosing her essence and wishing death. Many nights I cried myself to sleep on the couch, many times I hated myself for causing such wickedness to another beautiful human being and have prayed to be given an opportunity to make amends. This I feel may never happen as the pain has been etched deeply and I am still in the cold almost five years after.

So Mr, etcetera or is it coma you call yourself, you sado-masochist diatribe has not sat down with me and millions of real men and I dare say you have not represented us in this position but yourself and yourself alone.

I have spoken.





ETCETERA EARLIER WROTE: DEAR NIGERIAN WOMEN

When you heard the news that Toke Makinwa’s husband impregnated his girlfriend, you all took to social media to rain insults on Nigerian men. Why men cheat on women they love became a topic for all female radio presenters in the country. Aren’t you all tired of asking the same question over and over as if it is some perplexing unfathomable mystery? Your question is rhetorical, but since it keeps coming up again and again, let me provide some explanations to help you understand the reasons. I will simply tell it like it is, with no bull, tact, or political correctness. It’s just that oftentimes; women do not accept the explanations. But in fact, one can understand it through common sense. Sometimes a man would cheat on his wife or girlfriend because he doesn’t love her anymore; he is bored with her, or even possibly unhappy with their relationship.

In such scenarios, even women can become unfaithful as well. Women must understand that men are fundamentally different from them and wired differently too. We all know this but feminists try to suppress or deny this universal fact. A man craves variety and seeks novelty, while women prefer familiarity. Men will naturally desire variety when it comes to romantic/sexual partners more than women will. Men easily get bored by the same thing every day or a routine and we are sometimes afraid to voice this. Think about this. You ate your favourite eba and egusi soup, and on the second day that you ate it, the pleasure would be noticeably less than the first day. And after a week of eating it, you’d get tired of it and start to strongly desire to eat something else. Your desire for that eba will have diminished at that point.

I know what you are thinking now, “You can’t compare food with people” right? That’s the typical female reaction to this analogy. However, I’m sorry to say that this analogy does apply because it’s one of the best and simplest ways that it can be explained. I am not trying to objectify people. But by accepting such an analogy, it will start making sense to you that men are more visually stimulated than women are. And when a man relies on visual stimulation for arousal, the stimulation wears off at some point, which then requires new stimulation from new women. Got the drift? In other words, visual stimulation is a sensual thing that is fleeting in nature and requires constant variety in order to maintain the stimulation. Thus, men who seek visual stimulation will require variety from more than one partner or lover. Women often argue that “true love” never gets old. But the notion of “true love” is indefinable, very personable, and highly subjective. And even for the sake of this argument, if we agree that “true love” never gets old and never wears out, that still doesn’t change what we’re talking about here. You see, even if a man has true everlasting unending love for his woman, he can STILL desire another woman he fancies. That’s what our women have to understand, rather than cling to naïve clichés of society. A woman’s heart tends to be able to love only one man at a time, a man’s heart is different and can truly love MORE THAN ONE woman at a time. This might be hard for you to accept, and unfathomable to your values and beliefs about “love.” But it is the truth. A man’s heart is molded differently with multiple chambers that enable him to love and desire multiple women. It’s like a tree with different branches, rather than just one. Men usually won’t admit it, because our society doesn’t accept this, but condemns it.




Ladies, to understand this, think about all the different colours you love. You love pink and sky blue, or red, blue, black and purple. Now, can you like more than one colour at a time? Of course you can! You like the different colours in different ways, on different things, and for the different ambiance and mood that each colour accentuates, right? Likewise, you can like more than one type of cuisine right? Can you like Chinese and Italian foods at the same time? Of course you can. Even if society said you could only like one type of cuisine, it wouldn’t make a difference, would it? After all, society may attempt to create mutually exclusivities, but reality doesn’t. These are painfully obvious examples, and I am not arguing that people are like colours or food, but such simple analogies do describe what’s going on inside those who love more than one person or like having many lovers. Just because a man tells more than one woman that he “loves her,” desires her, or has feelings for her, does NOT make him a “playboy” or “liar.” He is not necessarily “playing” in terms of acting, nor does it mean he is using people in some sort of pretend “game” where he doesn’t care about their feelings. These are just false judgements by the society especially a feminist or female dominated society like Nigeria is fast becoming.

To some women, it doesn’t make sense and doesn’t fit their definition of love and loyalty. But it’s the truth. That’s reality and you’ve got to accept it if you want to try to understand it. Not all men unequivocally attach loyalty to true love. Society might do so, but not all human beings do. What women have to understand is that being in a loving relationship does NOT automatically erase one’s desire for other people. Of course, men who have multiple partners often do have to lie to the women they romance, by telling them that they are the only one when confronted with the issue. So that is one area in which men commonly lie. However, it doesn’t make them dishonest people in general. It’s just that since most women cannot accept that their partner can pursue someone else beside them, demanding total monogamy in love; men with multiple desires for multiple women are FORCED to lie in order to prevent chaos and failure in courtship. There is no easy way around it. And that is the case even if they are generally honest men. (After all, who hasn’t lied? Everyone has at one time or another, so stop pretending to be an angel!)

Loving or desiring multiple women has nothing to do with right or wrong, or being good or bad. It is simply a lifestyle and often these men are simply expressing who they are. Thus, infidelity does not make a man “bad” in a moral sense. Often, these men who romance multiple women are tender, caring, good-hearted, loving, nurturing people. Some are even deeply spiritual or religious. He doesn’t love you? My dear, the line between love and lust is blurry and subject to personal opinion. There is no universal objective measuring stick for differentiating between “love” (which has so many different meanings anyway) and “lust.”

In reality, a man can find the perfect woman, who outshines the rest in his life, and can even have a perfect relationship with her, but still look at another woman he finds attractive and desires to court her, romance her, and experience the wonders and pleasures of her femininity as well. Some men get a “high” or adrenaline rush from courting, romancing, or seducing new women, in a way that nothing else can, and thus are addicted to it.

My ladies, there are no perfect solutions or answers to everything. Just accept that some things in life are just meant to be endured, not fixed or solved like an equation.

To be continued next week.
http://josephedgarng..com/2015/07/etcetera-clown-in-making.html

Ishilove lalasticlala Seun TheRealMrStan

I don't know him, never heard of him but just read that he is an artiste from somewhere in southern Nigeria but based in America. This person is a Goat judging not only from his beards but also from the words that spewed out of his mouth.
He has claimed that because he was light skinned he was more valuable to kidnappers and that during his fathers burial, he went with a lot of rifles and military commandos to forestall any attempt to kidnap him and his herd of goats.

Coming from someone who had to crowd fund to come to the burial, this to say the least is very preposterous and I am even wondering why I am taking him serious enough to even pen this article. Jideewu or whatever his name is has by this statement shown his level of thinking which I must say is banal and idiotic. Where he is getting this sense of entitlement and superiority beats me and I must say it's really not his fault, it's the fault of our society who have refused to rise up to modern day systems of societal development that's why cultural slaves and intellectual midgets can seize every opportunity including the demise of an obviously loathed parent to denigrate the very society and system that gave him life.

As I look at his picture, I see a midget, an intellectual midget expounding buffoonery and regaling in Mongolian latitudes which deceives him, giving him a facade of behavioral eloquence instead of the cesspool of shit, real shit where he truly belongs. A pig in a pigsty I must say.

We are a proud people and we will not sit and watch a brainwashed eunuch of a son wash us dirty on the international stage while dressed like the long extinct colonial masters. He should be brought home, stripped and whipped on his bare buttocks, instilling pain. A pain that will constantly remind him that the igbos as early as the 16th century had produced a man who could read and write and had travelled all over the world. That the igbos are a proud people and not made up of kidnappers and that the igbos are a very strong unit amongst the various units that make up this great country Nigeria.

Ewu, real goat.

http://josephedgarng..com/2015/07/jideewujidenna-goat.html


lalasticlala, Ishilove, Seun, TherealMrStan

Same Sex Marriage Vs Polygamy By Joseph Egdar


The question is which is the worst evil between the two?

America has just legalized same sex marriage removing the last frontiers of resistance to this abhorrent act but still make it criminal to practice polygamy. Me, I am scratching my head and asking myself if they are normal people. Why would they accept the unnatural act of sleeping with your same sex and yet vilify and persecute someone for having more than one wife. This world is really turning mad. People are changing sex, turning from male to female right before our very eyes, we are seeing females with male genitals and all sort of weirdos being celebrated and thrown up as proper role models. But if you attempt to have a second wife, you will go to jail even though you can walk around in female clothing as a man and kiss a girl like Miley Cyrus just did.
They are mad over there o. They should not bring their madness here o. I have met some gay people in Nigeria. Infact one of them gave me a date at one of the fast food joints in Ikeja. I went for the experience, he walked in looking like something the cat dragged in with fake female mannerisms. I looked at him and pitied his mama. When he was born, they were happy o that we don born boy. He sat opposite me and started telling me how attracted he was to me. This one sef no sabi chase, he wan chase me and he never show me the money. I almost slapped him. He talked about my lips and how he felt like kissing me and how he was so much in love with me.

I told him to pay for the food and he started scratching his head. My first gay date and the toaster was broke. I was expected to pay for him to come and sodomise me. I gave him the warning of his life and swore that if he ever called me again, I will tie a rope to his very tiny willy and drag him around the streets of Lagos on a bike. He apologized saying that he thought I was cool since I wore a pink trouser and smiled at him. His father.

So my people this gay thing looks like it is holding ground o. It is beginning to look like we that are straight are the abnormal people and that the right thing to be is gay. Some professions like fashion have been literary taken over while in sports especially female soccer you must as a matter of necessity be part of it otherwise you can't make the team.

Give me old time polygamy anyday and take this same sex thing away from me. I beg o.

http://josephedgarng..com/2015/07/same-sex-marriage-vs-polygamy.html

cc Lalasticlala Ishilove TherealMrStan Seun

Robbery Scare In My House By Joseph Edgar

Early yesterday morning against my usual grain of thought, I decided to attend the area meeting. The ones communities hold during the environmental sanitation exercises. I had stopped attending mine, because of the usual lame discussions and banal attempt at showing off by people who used to have money, but are now struggling and at the same time refusing to eat the humble pie that comes with apparent poverty.

Well this time, the discussion was the rash of robberies and vandalisation that has been going on in the 'close'. I had been a major victim and indeed the most tormented in the whole area. I happen to rather unfortunately have five cars parked in my compound, so the label of 'rich' man follows me. Nobody seems to notice that three of the cars have seen better days and that the other two are official cars. All I get is different stares when I walk pass, appreciation in prices and being a soft target for burglary and vandalisation.

As usual, discussions went in circles and as always is the case, ethnicity came into play, religion also became a major topic and finally no concrete decision was reached as to how to curb these robberies. I left the place with the same impression I have always had, that it's their children and wards that carry out these nefarious activities, or how do you explain how my apartment which is just one out of six is the only one that gets burgled monthly. How do you explain the fact that during the burglaries only my bedroom is ransacked and broken into and also in my bedroom, only my wardrobe is picked out for special attention. Also, of all the ten cars parked in my house, only my five get vandalized and the others never get touched.

Well, with that mindset I go about my activities during the day and get home late as usual. As I enter the house, I bolt the doors and switch off the lights and begin scanning the net in preparation for my journey into solo seeking pleasures, when I hear the softest of knocks on my door. As I ignore it, it comes back ever so persistently, irritating me and disturbing my sweet journey into melancholy. So I stand up dropping the IPad and walking to the door, peep at the pigeon hole and see nobody.

I hissed and went back to my pursuit, only for the door to keep rudely interrupting me. This time with anger I open the first door but just as I was about to open the second, I decided to be careful, so I peeped again and still saw nobody. All of a sudden I saw a shadow and I bent down. Low and behold, an urchin was crouched by the door. He was the one doing the knocking and each time he knocked, he crouched so I could not see his face, but I saw his dirty long nails peep out of a weather beaten slippers.

I said, ok. Today is today and quickly went into my Swarzeneger mode. I jammed the door again, woke everybody up and moved them into the store, pushed them into the overhead cupboards displaying pots and pans. This was war and I did not want the kids seeing their father engage the enemy so the sight of the robbers blood will not scar them for life. Once I had secured them, I asked them all to pray for the lives of these robbers, that God should accept their soul as I was dispatching them to him.

Went into my room, started gathering my weapons. By this time, the knock was getting more aggressive and impatient. I brought out all the weapons I had kept for a day like this, my belts- the Gucci one with the huge big buckles, my Versace belt with the mighty medusa head, my suede shoe polish for blinding eyes and my hard heeled boots from Primark. Arranged them properly in order of usage and began reciting the strategy. This was for the first engagement, assuming they were teenagers and unarmed. For the second engagement, which would involve medium use of force, I brought out my second degree of weaponry. Out came my mortar and pestle. The pestle for hitting the groin and mortar for covering the head while the pestle was working the groin area completely turning the dick and testicles into mashed potato and finally where they were a team of robbers fully armed, my final weapon was ready, my phone. The phone was to call for help even as I jump out of the third floor balcony, landing on the roof of my Honda Pilot and rolling on to the roof of the BMW and landing on the bonnet of the Kia Sportage and running as fast as I can to my mother in Fola Agoro.

Now the weapons were ready, i had to dress the part. I brought out my pink echo pants, this was to send a wrong signal of weakness, making them feel I was effeminate and as such I would be easy target thereby taking them by surprise, next came out my Michael Kors wristwatch, recently bought in the UK. This was to time my engagement with the Robbers, reminding me that this battle must end in exactly 10minutes. After that, my Tommy Hilfiger polo top came out, complete with its huge badge by the left hand side of my chest. This was to stop bullets finally, my Brooks Brothers ankle length boots came out. This was obviously meant for that decisive kick to the mouth, removing all teeth of the five robbers at the same time while blinding them with an accurate and lethargic spray from my brown suede shoe polish and finally tying them up with my over 21 different designer belts leaving them in piles of sorrowful regrets.

After all these preparation, I went back to the room, making sure my family were ok and asking them to pray one last time for the souls of the sons of dogs I was about to despatch to Hell. I apologized to them, for allowing them at such a young age to witness the carnage that was about to unfold but still reminded them that these are the things a man must do not only to protect his family, but also send a very strong signal that I will not continue to tolerate this kind of intrusion and violation. My kids begged me to show the robbers mercy, that I should not kill them but just incapacitate them and hand them over to the police. I told them that enough is enough and that this time they must die.

So I came out of the room, stood at the beginning of the corridor leading to the godam door where the perfidious, slimy hyenas where still crouching oblivious of what was about to happen to them. I started my walk, a walk of confidence, a walk I had seen many action heroes walk, the kind of walk Sylvester Stallone walked as he approached the enemy, just before he killed one hundred with one blast of his sawed off shotgun. As I reached the middle of the corridor, I remembered that I had not put on my headband. Kai, the headband that will complete my look, so I ran back and could not find it. Where is this Godforsaken headband when I need it most. No time to look for it, there are people that need to die, so I made do with madams scarf. The same scarf she used to to tie my legs for two days when she saw a n......e pic on my phone. So I tied the scarf on my head and brought out my HTC phone and took a selfie. This was for CNN so that they can get the story right when they are reporting. I started my work again, to the sound of Michael Jacksons ' Beat It' ringing in my head.

When I got to the door, I heaved a huge sigh and told myself, This is it. The beginning of the apocalypse, the rapture was about to begin, I was about to unleash the kind of violence that has not been seen since the atomic bomb was dropped in Hiroshima and Nagasaki during the Second World War. As I stood there, I pitied the mothers of these bastards, for their skin was going to be shredded and turned to suya for the vultures already circling the roof of my house sensing a feast.

I stood there arms akimbo, hands firmly stuck to the suede polish, boots hitching to kick somebody and bloody mouths and a strong resolve not only to kill but to savage turning myself to a blood thirst Hutu tribesman. The moment has come, it's time and in one shriek, almost faint whisper I asked very calmly in a strong effort not to annoy and further aggravate for keeping my guests waiting for so long, 'sir, who is there?

No answer came. And the silence was defeaning, I asked again, Sir, who is there but this time, explaining why I had not come to the door earlier because I was bringing out the valuables not to waste their time and this time an answer came and it was Mohammed the hapless maiguard knocking as he usually does to tell us NEPA had brought light and that we should change over.

Kai, I piss for trouser.

http://josephedgarng..com/2015/06/robbery-scare-in-my-house.html

Open letter written to Senate President Bukola Saraki, by Sola Salako on the recent NASS fracas. Very interesting. Read below:
Dear Dr Bukola Saraki,

I have restrained myself from commenting on the confusion that the NASS has suddenly become under your watch for many reasons, top of which was because I felt some conflict was normal in a political party that was a marriage of necessity amongst warlords with differing political orientation and philosophy. I however assumed that since we fought so hard together to effect Change for the sake of country, you all will be guided by the patriotic zeal to put Nigeria first…I assumed WRONG!

Frankly, I had no angst that you emerged Senate President because, as the Senate Rule says, it is an election of one by his peers. You actually had a right to aspire and most Nigerians were willing to cut you some slack on the issue…however, you were too impatient and hasty by the ambush strategy you employed…tantamount to a hostile takeover of the Upper Chambers of the Federal Republic of Nigeria!

If you had been less arrogant and desperate, you could have still won that election with all the APC Senators in the Chambers…but you needed to prove a point ( one wonders to whom) and in that power drunk stupor, you mortgaged the Change millions of Nigerians labored for; some lost lives and limbs for what you treated with disdain by ceding your Deputy position to the PDP in exchange for their support! That was the height of insensitivity sir!






As if that was not enough disrespect of our collective mandate, today,you openly defied your party again by disregarding the party’s choice of principal officers in spite of a formal letter to that effect! In other words, Senator Saraki, you became a law unto yourself and a sole political platform which incidentally is not known or recognized in our constitution.

In view of these your recent actions, one cannot but ask “who exactly do you think you are sir?” Are you greater than the collective will of a people? Why must you throw the nation into turmoil simply because you want your way? Did Nigerians vote for you to dominate the political space or dictate our priorities for us? Was your name on ANY ballot paper in the last elections? Save for your senatorial constituency, did you traverse the 36 states and Abuja canvassing for our votes?

Just in case you have conveniently forgotten, Nigerians voted in their majority for the APC, a political party that sold its CHANGE vision to us. We rejected the PDP with its TRANSFORMATION agenda that was leading us nowhere fast. For you to reintegrate the PDP into our CHANGE government just because of your singular ambition to exalt yourself above and beyond all of our collective wills…that is unacceptable sir!

It has been rumored that all this disrespect is about posturing for 2019. I sure hope not! How do you expect us to entrust our collective destinies to a man who cannot be accountable to Authourity? If you are too haughty to submit to your party, the platform upon which you were elected into the Senate, who will you be accountable to if you ever become President? The adage says “morning shows the day”.

Mr Senate President (by hostile takeover) it is no longer amusing neither is it entertaining anymore. It is now getting really annoying and downright irritating. All the carrying ons need to stop forthwith as you are fast losing the goodwill bump you had when Nigerians thought you were a victim of an imposition cabal. It is now clear to all that you are most probably the aggressor and not the victim. Sole dictatorship is no longer in vogue as a political ideology. Even the bible says “two heads are better than one”. No matter how erroneous your party position might appear to you, as commonly said in boarding schools back in the 1980s, you “Obey first, and then complain!”

Please sir, as much as I really don’t want to burst your bubble, this is really NOT about you! It is about millions whose daily livelihood is threatened by an economy on the brink of collapse; It’s about millions of children whose education is inadequate and irregular; it’s about millions of unemployed youths whose future is bleak unless the change that they braved intimidation and oppression for starts to happen fast! Those are the headlines we want to wake up to; those issues are what we expected to dominate our airwaves not your personal tussle for power in your own self delusory “Game of Thrones” soap opera.

Enough already please! We have a nation to run!

This is definitely NOT the CHANGE we voted for!

http://www.mojidelano.com/2015/06/must-read-your-antics-are-no-longer.html


Seun Ishilove Lalasticlala

Like the proverbial leopard that can never change its skin till the world comes to an end, so is it for Nollywood’s most prolific kleptomania thief, burglar and shoplifter, Yetunde Akilapa, a Nollywood-Yoruba actress.

Yetunde is better known for stealing than she is for acting, with the close shave with death during an encounter with mobs sometimes back around Magodo area of Lagos, when she let herself into the home of someone who doesn’t even know her to rob the house, many would thought she would turn a new leaf after herself-publicised spiritual cleansing from this unbecoming trait.

Her recent inglorious adventure to steal an Iphone and other items from where she is undergoing training as a makeup artist somewhere in Fola Agoro, Yaba area of Lagos has led to her being excommunicated from the Yoruba genre of movie industry due to her stealing dexterity.

It is alleged that Yetunde had sneaked back into the premises after close of work with the aid of a master key to steal from the shop owned by an upwardly mobile woman who just brought some goods from abroad, ranging from bags, iphones, ipads, laptops, and shoes. The notorious Nollywood robber opened the lock and took choice items of iphones, ipads, and laptops. Luck, however ran out of her while trying to escape with her loot as she was once again caught.

As always, while pleading for mercy, the usual culprit was to be blamed, the devil and the mysterious voice she hears in her head that led her on, Yetunde, who just bought a Toyota Matrix car, pleaded for mercy and that she didn’t know what came over her.

Having none of that cock and bull story, the shop owner not wanting to take laws into her own hands invited officers from CMS Police Stations to effect her arrest; not happy with the kids gloves with which the case was being handled as two weeks later, Yetunde was seen again in the street, the shop owner then took it a notch higher by calling in SARS and within a twinkling of an eye, Yetunde was whisked away and has remained in police custody pending the time she would be charged to court.

She might be cooling off her heels and light fingers behind closed bars soonest to be charges for theft and burglary. Saddened by this constant embarrassment, Bose, Yetunde Akilapa’s sister, took the blame to their mother, whose clothe she tore in public glare alleging her that she once cursed Yetunde.

http://www.mikeangelonews.com/2015/06/nollywood-actress-in-sars-net-caught-stealing-iphones-may-go-to-jail-photo/
cc seun ishilove lalasticlala

Bolanle Austen Peters, Steve Gukas And Dotun Olakunrin Bring Danny Glover, International Stars For Ebola By Joseph Edgar

This is hot secret gist. Infact I was made to swear on my grandfathers head not to mention it or say it anywhere, but as the man done die, I cannot be bound by that kind oath, so I spread the news immediately.
As I was hungry and was near Bolanle's Terakulture, I decided to go and eat lunch there. Their food is very good especially the Asaro and shredded beef, so anytime I am in VI and have some small change, I go there and have a filling. That is how I entered the place and decided to go to Bolalnle's office to greet her and ask if I could eat for free.

Upon arrival, I met a huge crowd of thespians and actors auditioning for something that looked huge. The excitement in the air was palpable and everybody looked tense and anxious. This was not looking like a normal audition, I could see on the faces of the people that it was a career making kind of move, hence the tension and anxiety in the faces of the very experienced professionals.

I decided to snoop, I went in through the back, pulled my bow tie and majorly went into my James Bond mode. I sneaked into the hall and carefully perched by one dark corner to watch the auditions and generally get what was happening. I saw the professionalism that is usually missing in some of these things. It was an international audition by all standards and merit was the watchword.

Upon further enquiry, I found out that this was an audition for an international movie staring the great Danny Glover about the recent Ebola Crises that hit Nigeria. I heard that, Bimbo Akintola had already been pencilled down to play the role of the heroic Dr, Adedovah, the lady who gave up her life so that we all can be alive today and that Danny Glover would play the part of a selfless Medical Doctor.

This project by these producers is epoch making as it celebrates and immortalizes the heroic efforts of not only Dr Adedovah but all those silent Nigerians who fought hard to keep the disease at bay and not letting it ravage us the way it did in Liberia and Sierra Leone.

As soon as I got all the information I needed, I forgot about the food, put on my Bow tie, removed my socks and shoes and tip toed out of Terra Culture with my head giddy with excitement.

Will keep you posted.

Bola pele, with friends like me, you don't need enemies.

http://josephedgarng..com/2015/06/bolanle-austen-peters-steve-gukas-and.html

Lalasticlala Seun Ishilove TherealMrstan

Ok, I just came back from marketing and saw my figures. Once again I have missed my target for the month. The way I am going, na only Baba God go save me. Just as I was contemplating my future as a marketer, my phone rang. It was Bayode my long suffering account officer at GTB reminding me that I was still owing them and I needed to do something about it quickly. I immediately became lethargic and sad, Dropping heavily on my seat started contemplating stripping down to my birthday suit and just walking out of the office to the Lagoon.
While I was drowning in my sorrow, a news item on the Moji Delano Blog caught my attention. Wizkid that tiny small boy, that one with Bowlegs like chicken legs had just signed an endorsement contract with Glo for a whopping N100m. I just started crying. Yes o, hot tears started coming out of my eyes like that. Wizkid, wey no be Investment Banker, Wizkid wey no understand the stock market, Wizkid wey no know wetin share price be, come get free N100m just by opening his mouth and singing about Ojuelegba. This same Ojuelegba that we all go to buy bread.

This life is really unfair. Me, with all my degrees, work experience and suits, I never smell 5m talk less of 100m. Now, you will not blame me for my cynicism and my total disregard for Wizkid and his backers at Glo. After reading this very sad news, I googled the boy to see what was so unique about him that gave him this breakthrough. The guy no fine o, too skinny and some hideous tattoo all over his body. He is short and dark, he cannot even sing sef, I am sure he lip syncs. If I try, I will sing better. Maybe he got this endorsement becuase of his closeness to Mike Adenuga. I hear they come from the same village and that Wizkid grandpapa and Mike papa where both farmers and just before Wizkid papa go on exile, he made Mike Adenuga's papa promise to give Wizkid this endorsement. Yes, that must be the reason.

Well, so the question now is, how do I get Wizkid to come deposit some of this money for my Bank? Since I cannot get my own endorsement, I must look for a way to get through to him to make him my friend. So my pikin, I cannot call him brother just yet, please come and help your uncle meet his target, I will give you sweet when you come and put on Cartoon Network so you watch and feel free while I sign the forms for you.

You see Wizkid, you are the best musician we have ever produced in this country. Don't mind that yeye Davido, that one cannot sing and dance at all. He will just be jumping around the stage like a pregnant grasshopper calling himself a musician. Me I don't even hear what he sings. You are the Greatest after Fela, you are the king. The almighty omega and the seraphim of the universe.

May you live long, just come and open this account. God will bless you and keep you long for us. I will give you three of my staff to marry and even offer to take you to the stock exchange to show you how to trade stocks. Shey, Davido has gone to graduate in one kind school in Ijebu, if you open this account I will make sure that you go to Harvard and you will be the only student in your department. I will give you chocolate and ice cream, play nursery rhymes for you and even open free account for your nanny. Just come, please come Wizkid and save my job.

As for Glo, I am aiming for my own endorsement- yeye people. Instead of you to allow such a hardworking guy like me endorse your product you are carrying people that cannot understand a financial report to endorse your product. Abeg take your business serious and call me now. I am waiting for that call.................

Kai, it's looking like this Glo people will not call o, I'm going to sleep jo. Yeye.
http://josephedgarng..com/2015/06/wizkids-n100m.html


cc ishilove therealmrstan Seun lalasticlala

You see the beauty of a chubby woman can only be imagined by those who really understand what true beauty is. The society has continually been deceived by western society especially their media that for you to be considered beautiful you must be thin and skinny with your collar bones sticking out like cloth pegs and your hips non descript.

I beg to disagree. I have been a connoisseur of the chubby woman and I am pleased to announce that nothing beats the curves and undulating moulds of the chubby round and well proportioned woman. When you look at the curvaceous beauty all you see is the meaning of life. The excitement of an undulating adventure and the nervousness you feel when you are about to start a race on a very steep and curly race track.

The full bodied woman is what God intended beauty to be. From the well formed breast, jutting out of the chest, daring your touch, pulling your gaze and making a Boy Scout of you, to the wonderfully streamlined thighs, jutting out of mesmerizing hips. I have seen all kinds of hips in my lifetime. Hips that have stood out like the Horn of Africa, hips that have contributed in giving you a feeling aching to what you get when you are on a high. The hips of a full bodied woman are the most aggressive part of her body.

When she is angry, they stand out akimbo, with those beautiful huge hands resting on them. The hips, carry the clothes, Showing you just how sexy this being is. Reminding you just in case you have forgotten that this is the essence of womanhood, that these hips will carry your children, make your mates green with envy and give you nights of dizzying pleasure while also making you a wiling slave forever.

The only down side of the full bodied woman is the unfortunate incidence of the tummy. The tummy juts out and in some cases attempts a distortion of the look. Girdles, body shapers and all sort of contraptions have been known to be used to battle these scourge. Some have even lost their lives in an attempt to conquer it. They needn't worry cos even the skinny ones are plagued by the bulging tummy with comical consequences. Would you rather carry a bulging tummy on a skinny frame. You will come across like those malnourished shoulders in the starving plains of Ethiopia. But on a full bodied woman, cos the size is there it usually comes out well proportioned. The only thing that may make you notice it, is the confidence issues that makes her ask you to switch of the lights before she undresses.

The glory that comes with voluptuousness, can only be witnessed rather than imagined. The warmth of being enveloped in a morass of flesh, the suppleness and quiet pleasure that seems to envelope you as you snuggle into the arms of a full bodied woman can only be compared to episcopalian rhapsody. The melody that comes with a 'shag', seeing you wallow in between warm and fleshy thighs, enjoying and exploring the wonders of the moist insides protected by fleshy mounds of excitement while floating in the melodic miasma of the psalmists rhythms can never be exchanged for the dryness and sahelian carnage that an attempt on the skinny woman's anthill will provide the unfortunate traveller.

I have always thought that an attraction to a size zero is a sign of hidden gay tendencies. Or how would you explain an attraction to a flat chest, hapless and bony structure with the spine clearly visible as you even attempt an erection. This attraction could only mean that if given the opportunity this hermit would ravage a male. Well their business.

All hail the full bodied woman for within their perfectly sculptured bodies lies to full and total emancipation of unremitting pleasure that has been locked up in the wrongful yearnings of the slim and skinny woman through the negative permutations of media and society.

You see the beauty of a chubby woman can only be imagined by those who really understand what true beauty is. The society has continually been deceived by western society especially their media that for you to be considered beautiful you must be thin and skinny with your collar bones sticking out like cloth pegs and your hips non descript.

I beg to disagree. I have been a connoisseur of the chubby woman and I am pleased to announce that nothing beats the curves and undulating moulds of the chubby round and well proportioned woman. When you look at the curvaceous beauty all you see is the meaning of life. The excitement of an undulating adventure and the nervousness you feel when you are about to start a race on a very steep and curly race track.

The full bodied woman is what God intended beauty to be. From the well formed breast, jutting out of the chest, daring your touch, pulling your gaze and making a Boy Scout of you, to the wonderfully streamlined thighs, jutting out of mesmerizing hips. I have seen all kinds of hips in my lifetime. Hips that have stood out like the Horn of Africa, hips that have contributed in giving you a feeling aching to what you get when you are on a high. The hips of a full bodied woman are the most aggressive part of her body.

When she is angry, they stand out akimbo, with those beautiful huge hands resting on them. The hips, carry the clothes, Showing you just how sexy this being is. Reminding you just in case you have forgotten that this is the essence of womanhood, that these hips will carry your children, make your mates green with envy and give you nights of dizzying pleasure while also making you a wiling slave forever.

The only down side of the full bodied woman is the unfortunate incidence of the tummy. The tummy juts out and in some cases attempts a distortion of the look. Girdles, body shapers and all sort of contraptions have been known to be used to battle these scourge. Some have even lost their lives in an attempt to conquer it. They needn't worry cos even the skinny ones are plagued by the bulging tummy with comical consequences. Would you rather carry a bulging tummy on a skinny frame. You will come across like those malnourished shoulders in the starving plains of Ethiopia. But on a full bodied woman, cos the size is there it usually comes out well proportioned. The only thing that may make you notice it, is the confidence issues that makes her ask you to switch of the lights before she undresses.

The glory that comes with voluptuousness, can only be witnessed rather than imagined. The warmth of being enveloped in a morass of flesh, the suppleness and quiet pleasure that seems to envelope you as you snuggle into the arms of a full bodied woman can only be compared to episcopalian rhapsody. The melody that comes with a 'shag', seeing you wallow in between warm and fleshy thighs, enjoying and exploring the wonders of the moist insides protected by fleshy mounds of excitement while floating in the melodic intrusions of the psalmists rhythms can never be exchanged for the dryness and sahelian carnage that an attempt on the skinny woman's anthill will provide the unfortunate traveller.

I have always thought that an attraction to a size zero is a sign of hidden gay tendencies. Or how would you explain an attraction to a flat chest, hapless and bony structure with the spine clearly visible as you even attempt an erection. This attraction could only mean that if given the opportunity this hermit would ravage a male. Well their business.

All hail the full bodied woman for within their perfectly sculptured bodies lies to full and total emancipation of unremitting pleasure that has been locked up in the wrongful yearnings of the slim and skinny woman through the negative permutations of media and society.

-Joseph Edgar is an investment banker who writes as a hobby. He writes usually on trending topics from a satirical point of view. He blogs at josephedgarng..com

http://josephedgarng..com/2015/06/an-ode-to-full-bodied-woman.html

cc Ishilove therealmrstan seun lalasticlala

Article written by Florence Ozor, sister of renown event blogger Helen Ozor of Helen Events Blog. Read below:

Our society and social environment is rich in lessons and counsels all around, only if we probe to learn. I however, shall be drawing lessons from a rather unusual place. One may wonder what virtue there is to learn from Dame Patience Jonathan; what admirable character to emulate in her given what we know of her? Personally, I don't endorse most of her public conduct in that exalted position, yet I see something we all must learn from her. I hold no brief for Her Excellency, I can write a long piece on the "How Not to be a First Lady", that's easy. Rather, I'd like to state for the record that I do strongly believe that if Destiny exalts you to a high position it is absolutely your responsibility to do everything you can to live up to a considerable amount of expectation of that position; you owe Destiny that much.

Dame Patience is the wife of Dr Goodluck Jonathan former President of the Federal Republic of Nigeria. A woman from a not so privileged background, who with a not so solid an education rose to become by far the most famous First Lady we have ever had in our history...though for reasons not completely charitable. Not one to miss an opportunity to speak, most of her speech is laden of prime time comedy while the rest may be at best shooting for some "analogue" solutions to "digital" problems. Yet she possesses the most admirable and crudest form of confidence I have seen in years.

'Confidence' by my definition, in this context is that unflinching belief in one's ability to succeed; not being held back by flaws, inadequacies or past mistakes; not succumbing to failure. The personality of Dame Patience is one that keeps going; completely blanking out the mockery of her errors and forging ahead from one appearance to the next. No First Lady has been mocked more than she has in our history but she is out the next minute as though nothing ever happened moments ago. No other First Lady has been more grammatically challenged (most have been less vocal which may be slightly difficult to say) yet she speaks on, completely oblivious of her 'handicap'. Nothing stops her from expressing her opinion, definitely not the English language! Dame Patience is the vintage example of how to take mockery in your stride.

The reality in our world these days is that most lack it, particularly in girls. Many have a form of "confidence" built on a sandy foundation which quickly gets eroded by the slightest wind of criticism. Girls and women are particularly affected because society by design has streamlined the conduct, behaviour and expectations of the girl child.

As adults how many times have we stopped the pursuit of our dreams because people talked us down or laughed at us? How many times have self-doubt, mistakes and others' opinions made us retreat from life, while we mourn our 'failure'? Daily we fail to proceed on the journey of destiny, daily we live less than our best because we take the perception of others about us to heart, however justified or even unjustified. Daily we seek validation from people, we require motivational talks and constant assurances from peers, pastors, parents and friends. Sometimes we even lack the confidence to take genuine compliments; we downplay it or explain them away. We second guess ourselves so much and too often we let opportunities pass us by.



Truth is, we get less than the battering Dame Patience gets yet we stay away, shut down and require counselling for days, weeks and months on end to face life again. A little ridicule of our style, posture, grammar, diction and even the content of what we say, and we crash out of existence not to be seen nor heard of while life moves on leaving us behind. We afterwards mourn our dwindling confidence; wallowing in self-pity. If most women had a good level of confidence we would have had more women in top positions of government, business and society. We would have had more women daily breaking the glass ceilings and setting defined trails for others, but we allow our self-doubt to make us accept mediocre attainments than we are truly capable of and that right there is a tragedy of Destiny.

We fail to ask and demand for what we think is due us, we come up with a billion excuses why we should not ask in spite of our competence because we are unsure. By the way, Confidence is right on the same level as Competence. Your skills are important; very true, but think -- everybody has skills. How many are successful and outstanding? Confidence exalts your Competence. The lack of it affects our ability to imagine and dream beautiful dreams. The mind lacking in Confidence shuts the imagination process down by springing up the doubts we have accepted over time. The first part of success is imagination. Confidence translates imagination to action and action become results. But even when we do dream, we lack the confidence to take the plunge. Our inaction births broken dreams and broken dreams birth depression. How then can you think it is too much to acquire confidence?

Stop apologising for how great you are or can be. Stop down playing you! Stop it!! It is not humility, it is timidity done in complete ignorance of the vision of your Maker. No one feels sorry for a high-speed sports car for going at such high speed, that's what it is meant for!

In the midst of our well-deserved success we keep feeling guilty like we are fraudsters, as though someone could "find out" that we are impostors and ridicule us. We feel undeserving. We, by such thoughts pull the brakes on our momentum. Self-doubt is the greatest hindrance to fulfilling worthy goals.

We generally feel confident when we have met the pass mark, when we are "perfect", but are very unforgiving of ourselves when we miss the mark. Be less harsh in the appraisal and judgement of yourself. Attaining perfection is unrealistic and failure to achieve this results in more self-doubt, which births a dangerous lack of confidence. Strive for excellence, this is realistic and attainable. It's okay to make mistakes, but get up, correct them and move on. It is completely okay to fail. Quite frankly I have failed too many times, yet it is not an endorsement to take exclusive ownership of failure. People who judge you by your failures rather than by your character have themselves established failure in their actions. More so, who amongst us have the legitimacy to judge? Basing actions/inactions on the illegitimate judgement of others (and ourselves) is folly. This though, is not carte blanche to flaunt your flaws or to not heed to edifying corrections. By all means improve on yourself and keep improving. But first, believe the best about you. Motivate yourself. Talk to yourself. Engaging in self pep talk is not an hint of insanity, this I can assure you. The gospel is that confidence can be acquired and improved on. This will be covered in my next piece.

With the coverage of the life of Dame Patience it is obvious Nigerians can praise and mock you with the same frequency. This trait is not exclusive to us but to humans everywhere. This is the reason therefore why you must consciously work and maintain a healthy dose of self-confidence. Love her or hate her, this one true trait we should all learn from Dame Patience -- Crude Confidence. So when next you have self-doubt, or are feeling sorry for yourself and are completely let down, remember Dame Patience Goodluck Jonathan. Remember that your "failures" and gaffes are yet to be used as memes, display pictures, videos, music, campaign and dance jingles, t-shirts, as lines for opening mischievous conversations, exclamations, etc. Remember, that your "failure" is yet to trend on Twitter and other social media platforms. Yet to trend in the international and local media. Yet to be the highlight of comedy shows. Your "failures" are largely unknown and insignificant as compared. She's had it worse than you yet she braved it every single time.


Florence C. Ozor
@FlorenceOzor on Twitter
If you have ever sinned, then forgive - F.O

http://www.mojidelano.com/2015/06/a-must-read-for-every-woman-admirable.html

My heartfelt condolence goes to my friend Toke Makinwa at this time when she is allegedly about to welcome her step child into the world. We have just found out that she would soon be in delivery of a calabar step child even though our fervent prayer is that the child should not come as a boy otherwise, she may have lost the opportunity to give her man his heir. I am not surprised at this turn of event especially if you follow his superman moves in his colunm where he shows us how to build muscle and grow chest. With all that body building and powerman stunt, the need to release all that pent up power into more than one willing vessel cannot be discounted. That he chose a Calabar girl is another fact that is not surprising.

We all know how calabar girls are. They are the nemesis of many women. I have listened to many prayer points in church, where our women pray that even if their men should stray, that they should not go near calabar girls. Mehn, calabar girls are something else o. They are unique, experts in things of the bed and to add to this, they are very very good cooks who use these skills to entrap many men especially Yoruba men, who are brought up with stew and pepper which ends up giving them pile. So when they luckily come across the Calabar woman with all her beauty, radiating and captivating, the man turns into a helpless jelly becoming a willing slave..

You can see why Mr. Ayida regularly risks his life, sneaking into calabar to have a warm taste of the honey that only a calabar woman can give. You see what happens when you spend all your time doing celebrity, doing video blog, doing make up and trying to do kardashian while neglecting your man to the homegrown girl who most likely have never heard of Brazilian Hair or permanent make up.



Maje and the Calabar girl Anita
Mr. Ayida must be forgiven, Toke must immediately call the calabar girl and build a very good relationship with her so that she can teach you how to be a wife and you must immediately learn tricks from Calabar women. Tricks like cooking Afang, using Palmoil to massage your man, kneeling down to serve him food and calling him 'my Lord' and respecting him and worshipping the grounds with which he walks.

If you think I am joking, watch Mo Abudus TV station. There is a reality Programme there where they show us how Calabar people prepare their girls for marriage. They show them how to cook, how the make themselves desirable, from the skin, to the voluptuous body, how to walk, sit and how to entice their men and most importantly how to turn a man into a whimpering little child in bed. This is a must watch for all the Toke's of this world who believe in being skinny and cooking only stew for their men.

I have said my own, the fear of the Calabar girl is the beginning of wisdom for the stew cooking, video blogging vixen and her likes. All hail the Calabar girl.

http://josephedgarng..com/2015/06/toke-mbog-take-heart.html?showComment=1434296236938#c2736345139606253860

cc lalasticlala, Seun , Ishilove , therealmrstan

Majek Fashek: A National Tragedy By Joseph Edgar

On my way to work this morning, I spotted a loony figure. Pants sagged, dirty black underwear showing, a caftan perched precariously on his extra lean shoulders, shock of long unkempt dreadlocks cascading down his head and teeth yellowed by years of hard living and a face still surprisingly handsome despite the ravages of illicit living.

This was Majek, my hero, the one who brought down the rain. He it was who redefined Reggae and in that one album forced us to look deep into our consciousness, calling us prisoners of conscience. He it was who took that Bob Marley piece, Redemption Song into the sublime. He infused it with his pangolo rhythm and turned it into an anthem of social and spiritual awakening. Majek was a god, strong Adonis like looks, talent yet to me replicated in our clime and charisma of the gods.

This same Majek, I just saw like that in Fadeyi, begging for ogogoro becuase he did not have 100 Naira to pay for it. I stopped brought out 1,000 Naira and was immediately struck by confusion. Should I give him this money and contribute to his death or should I refuse him and watch him throw a tantrum like a disposed toddler. He saved me the dilemma as he grabbed the money from me and rushed to the ugly, black dirty merchant of death, who gleefully poured him a glass full.

Majek downed the drink and hugged me like I had just saved him from the hang mans noose. I looked deep into his eyes and saw a lost soul. He was actually begging for help, the demon inside of him peered at me from his once very beautiful eyes, daring me to do my worse. Assuring me that he had no intention of leaving this host until it finished it's dreadful task of killing him ever so slowly.

He called me a fine boy and wished he was as good looking as I was, I laughed. A laugh that was more of pity, a laugh that was laced with internal cry of pain. A pain that cascaded through every pain in my body. If only I had one tenth of this talent, I would be far from fadeyi begging for N100 worth of ogogoro.

Did we fail him as Nigerians, did we put an umbrella over the Rainmaker, did the flood of his talent wash away his life, what can be done, do we continue watch him make a mockery of a Life once blessed?

Majek in his destitution represents Nigeria. Blessed with more than enough resources., rich in human capacity, more fertile land than the whole of Asia and filled with gifted and talented people, but yet beggerly and poor. Daily our leaders go to 'jibowu' to beg poorer countries for aid, for debt forgiveness. The contradiction never leaves me. Japan with no known Natural resources is so developed that we can only look in shame.

Majek with all the talents of a thousand people, begging the woman who can't lift a finger beside him for N100, Majek being laughed at by miscreants and being mocked with so much joy by those who were not half as blessed by God.

What can I do, but to write this piece and just walk away, lest his guest demon attempt a move on my life. I saw it and felt it look into my soul and with one withered hand, offered me a shot of the Devils brew. A shot I knew would throw me into the darkest pits of Majeks torture, a shot that will take me spiraling down the tunnels of oblivion, destroying the innocent dependent lives of my children while giving Majek solace that he has finally found a room mate albeit a very reluctant and scared one.

I pray for you sir. I pray God gives you peace.

God bless you Majek.


Joseph Edgar is an investment banker who writes as a hobby. He writes from a humorous, satirical point of view. He blogs at josephedgarng..com.

http://josephedgarng..com/2015/06/marek-fashek-national-tragedy.html

Annie Idibia and I at Cactus this morning
I went for a brief meeting at Cactus, that Lebanese bastion of culinary magic with Onah my new friend at Hello Magazine when my Egbon Uwem Whyte walked in. You see Uwem is the kind of person that takes over the environment and makes himself the centre of attraction. He is very jovial and always cracks me up anytime I see him. Married to my sister Clara and with that one move, Uwem firmly put himself on a pedestal of social reckoning.


Prior to seeing Uwem, I had been wondering how I was going to pay for my meal at this Cactus. Was not concentrating on my meeting contemplating jumping into the Lagoon and swimming to the other side. But since that was not possible, I prayed to God and challenged him, asking that if he was truly the almighty, he will bring an angel to my side and pay for this food. Immediately a calabar angel in the person of Uwem walked in and in his characteristic manner bellowed in that his deep voice to the waitresses to send my bill to him. I was so relieved that I asked that they should add the food I was coming to eat next week on the bill Abeg.

So while I was still thanking Uwem and asking him what I can do to repay his kindness including washing his car or not telling Clara that he was staring at my friend one deceptive seductress sauntered in. She was a beautiful weave, dark glasses, figure hugging jeans and a skin that was well moisturized. She walked up to Uwem and hugged him, you see this guy always knows the beautiful ones. You should see Clara. With my mouth, refusing to close, he introduced this gem to me as Annie Idibia. The same Annie, the one married to my mentor, the one who won the battle, the one who took the skinny idoma boy to Akwa Ibom and the original African Queen.

This was my chance, my only opportunity to revenge. I had always vowed to revenge on tubaba after he snatched my footballer girlfriend when we were both playing local soccer in the dusty soccer playgrounds at Festac. I swore that one day, I will revenge and snatch his own woman. This was my opportunity, the only snag was that my mouth simply refused to close and nothing came out of it.

Why wasn't I talking, Uwem kicked me and made the introductions again, this time in ibibio correctly thinking that I had momentarily lost my ability to speak English. I still could not comprehend, idoma juju don catch me o. Ajanaku no fit toast woman o, magic catch my mouth. Annie just smiled, gave me a hug and asked them to give me water to drink and went for her meeting.

Uwem just looked at me, a big frown on his face and called Clara to report. Na wa.

http://josephedgarng..com/2015/06/i-for-kill-2face-today.html?showComment=1434053425023#c971857999530955589

cc:lalasticlala ishilove seun Therealmrstan

This is a million and one question. At what point should she check your phone. This was the question I threw at a group of guys. All married men, all cheating with very young and sweet nubile girls. The kind that the Emir of Daura and Oshiomole are married to.
Immediately that question came, they all screamed in unison. Face squeezed and the imagined physical pain from the expected slap on the face from a pained lover firmly etched on their ugly cheating faces. I looked round the table and saw a group of philanderers who will go to any length to cover their misdeeds.

They all looked at me, like I had just ran mad. Like I was overdosed on cocaine and all concluded that I must be out of my mind and as such I should head to the nearest MFM church for deliverance. Why would such a thought come into my head, let alone say it out. Your sweet young girlfriend going through your phone, you must really be crazy.

Kai, the contents of a philanderers phone, the naked pics from a new conquest, the picture of a shriveled and old penis laced with gray hair that was sent earlier in the night but has found its way to the outbox, the xrated chats with the young tea girl in the office. The one with the ass that could melt cold butter. Yes that one. The one your best friend and fellow cheat was staring at when he came to visit you. The chats asking for money to embark on the fourth abortion from the hapless housemaid, the one related to your wife and the one you saw your son trying to touch the other day.

The phone of a cheat, is deadlier than a hurriedly prepared bomb by the heartless Boko Haram. That bomb would kill twice as many people as the most deadly bomb thrown by those bastards. It is that phone that a young and sweet virgin wants to play a game on. She ask for the phone and with a sweaty hand, the cheat hands the phone over. With sweaty shaky hands, he drops the phone and immediately starts reciting the psalms hoping that for once, the psalmist would intercede on his behalf making the sweet young girl concentrate in her childish foley instead of going through more mature endeavors like the picture gallery.

The conversation immediately moves to the how. The how to keep the phone away from the wife, the young sweet thing and the housemaid. With fear and sweaty dirty faces, the group conspires and exchange ideas. Have two phones, pull the battery as you approach home, delete all be contacts as you get near her, throw the phone into the nearest lagoon, change all female names to male names, put the phone on silent, lock it up in the car booth and never take it home, give it to the driver and finally don't even have one.

In their panic, the thought to change their ways never crossed their minds but instead stories of near misses and embarrassment in the hands of the wife, sweet young thing and housemaid get exchanged. At the end of the evening, the drinks remained untouched, the sweet young thing stayed alone in the paid for room, her host and paramour, distracted and hobbled in fear has lost his libido and rather stays with his group of fools to further share this fear and seek comfort in the midst of castrated predators.

Finally, they all stand up, walk towards their cars and like arrested coup plotters drive ever so slowly home. Pictures of disgrace, smashed egos, depressed libidos continue to cascade in their tired brains leading to vows of celibacy to avoid imminent guillotine.

But seriously, should she go through your phone? Your wife, the sweet young thing, the house maid? Should she go through your phone? Na who I dey ask.

http://josephedgarng..com/2015/06/at-what-point-does-she-check-your-phone.html#more

CC: lalasticlala Ishilove TheRealMrStan Seun

As I watch my former friend Bruce Jenner morph into a very beautiful mature sexy woman, I begin to ask myself questions. These questions bother on why I should not do the same thing and transform into Ekaette, oluwayemisi Edgar. You see, these thoughts have been swirling in my head with all the media attention and money my friend Bruce or sorry Caitylyn has been making since she cut off her penis and introduced breasts and make up into her life.

The only thing that has stopped me so far but not for long though is the sweetness of a curvy, chubby woman. Once I remember just how lovely it is as you descend into the core of womanhood, I will just back out from making that call. But why would I want to turn into a woman. Is life as a woman more interesting, I doubt.

What with all their wahala, expensive fake hair, monthly visitor, the fact that they itch for marriage and when they get married itch to get out. The fact that they remain subservient to their husbands and can't even go and buy sweet without taking permission is really a big turn off. Although an attraction for me is the opportunity of having those organs like the breast and the you know what all to myself without having to beg, steal or borrow to enjoy it is a definite pull.

But how would I look like as a woman. I have looked at myself critically, I'm sure I would have to pay a premium to get the change because the Doctors would have to work double to ensure a successful sex change. They would have to work on my scattered teeth, straighten my Bowlegs, reduce my calves, take extra time to shave off my huge manhood, which I must say is really huge, bleach my skin, grow very very big breast for me and carve out a Kim Kardashian type ass for me. All these would cost quite a pile and take double the time it took them to transform Bruce to transform me to Ekaette.

Now what kind of men would I be attracted to. I would want to date men who are like me now.. Men, who are sophisticated and classy. Men who understand the rhythms of classical music and who know how to treat a lady. but what kind of men would I like to sleep with, I will like to sleep with men like Chinese men with little peckers so they won't spoil the newly created vagina and as I get older and the vagina gets more relaxed and ready I will graduate from Chinese men and go for Yoruba men with a little bit bigger peckers than Chinese men but still small though and then end up with calabar men who not only have fantastic peckers but know how to use it. I will not go near the Hausa men whose peckers are legendary in their size lest my vagina ends up like a Boko Haram Bomb site.

As I think, I begin to imagine what could go wrong as a woman, I won't know how to seat like a lady, I would give every body a free show as I would continue to seat like a man opening up my legs and showing my newly manufactured vagina for all to see. I will not know how to keep men guessing and making them work before getting access to my gloryhole. I will still have the manly strong urge for sex and would thereby turn into a nympho and increase the risk of catching Aids. I could be exposed to very wicked men, who will be mean to me and take advantage of my inexperience at being a woman and much more importantly I would really be ugly as a woman.

So all said, I think I will rest the idea of turning into Ekaette and remain the strong confident He goat that has continued to be a terror to all women from size 20 and above.

Teheeeeeee

Joseph Edgar is an investment banker who writes as a hobby. He comments on trending issues in Nigeria and around the globe from a satirical point of view. He blogs at josephedgarng..com


http://josephedgarng..com/2015/06/call-me-caitlyn-edgar.html



lalasticlala Ishilove Seun TheRealMrStan

Amaechi E Don Do Abeg
This fight between Wike and Amaechi is extending to extra time. These combatants continue to fight even though elections are over and a Governor has emerged. Salvos about destroyed houses, corruption, refusal to move into Government House continue to be the order of the day. The way they are going, they would soon start telling us of each other's smelly armpits and which soap they use to bath. I think some level of maturity should be shown by these little boys especially on Amaechi's side. He has had his time under the sun, he should allow Wike concentrate on building his own Government. I feel Amaechi is missing the Governorship and really has not spiritually left Government House. He should concentrate on maintaining relevance in Buharis Government at the centre otherwise he would loose out totally.
This is my honest opinion, I am really getting bored with this catfight and I suspect Rivers people on both sides of the divide feel the same way. So Bros leave Wike alone, we already have heard it all, he is corrupt, he rigged, he has a big head, he is Patience Jonathan's houseboy, he rigged FIFA election we have heard it all, let's just move on. As for you Wike, I don beg for you now, you too respect yourself and keep quiet. Just be silent for once and enjoy your five minutes on the saddle until we here from the courts. Let's begin to see action. You hear.


Ifeanyi Ubah Has Called Me O
As I was standing at the fuel Queue at Onipanu waiting to buy fuel, my phone kept ringing. I was not in the mood for any call, I had been standing on this queue for over one hour with no sign of getting fuel even though I had settled like two area boys who all promptly took my money and disappeared. So you can imagine my state, when I decided to take my call during a short break to drink pure water before I returned to the queue. I heard this sleepy almost sexy voice with a nice Igbo accent. I first taught it was my Landlord who is from Nnewi, as I never pay rent na I have been avoiding his calls but the caller immediately identified himself as the one and only Sir Ifeanyi Ubah. I was shocked and immediately left the queue and asked for the 13 million Litres of fuel so that I can collect only 25 Litres. He laughed and reintroduced himself and immediately went into the reason for this call. He was reaching out to me to explain very clearly is position and why he took the action he took during the last strike an action which I was critical about. My brother, by the time Chief Ubah finished with me, I was more knowledgable than the OPEC President on petroleum matters. The call took more than an hour and he carefully and slowly took me through all the issues concerning fuel and its delivery in NIGERIA, his role, his stance against the marketers, his love for NIGERIA and the need for me to get the facts right. By the time he finished, they had stopped selling fuel and I stood there like a fool with my empty jerrycan. I looked and felt so stupid, here was I in a fuel queue with no fuel and on the phone talking to someone who claims to have control of over 70% of total fuel storage in the country. The contradiction hit me and I just laughed and walked back home. My bro, I don hear, I no fight again, but help me with just 25litres, I still dey queue one week after your call o.


I Declare My Asset
I am following the examples of my new leaders to declare my own asset. But the difference here is that I am declaring mine in public so that Nigerians can see all I own before I swear my oath of office. I have just been elected as the new President of the Bow tie club. By the way, the Bow tie club is a club of all those who supported all failed candidates from the baba himself Jona boy to Obanikoro. The club was established to ensure that next time we fashion out strategies that would allow us see the wind of change better and support winning candidates instead of the Agbajes of this world. So here goes, find my total and full belongings as I enter office.

I own one Yoruba wife, six pairs of shoes, one LG TV set, eight Shirts, six bags of cement, two jerrycan of fuel, one housegirl,two paintings of a naked Fulani girl, one old model Toyota Corrolla, N6,000 in my FCMB accounts, shares in defunct Guardian Express Bank, one soccer boot given to me by Etim Esin, four books including Lola Shoneyins, trials of Baba Segi, twelve CDs, Nico Mbargas sweet mother Album given to me by my late Grandmother and my most important asset of all, my ATM Card.

So that is it. I have decided to run an open and transparent Government and have started by openly declaring my asset in public so that my people would not have to file the public information act or go through any stress to find out what I am worth.


Governor Oshiomole As A Case Study
When Governor Oshiomole declared his latest asset, the very beautiful and delectable Mrs Oshiomole of Cape Verde, me of all people could not stop wondering just how he did it. This was beyond gubernatorial powers but could have only been as a result of the charisma that comes with wearing all those well starched khaki safari suits. The woman fine no be small and this has led me to greater research. Why is that the older ones are getting the young, nubile and fine to heaven damsels. From Oshiomole, to the Alafin of Oyo who parades three exquisite fair skinned works of art, to chief Okoya and now the Emir of Daura who at over 80 has just smashed all time record by throwing in our face a Kim kardashian, statuesque figure -daring other 80 year olds to beat that. These old men who you would think can barely walk, talk less of getting it up are really pushing we young men into the bush in this competition. Ojukwu won his Bianca with a Book of Poems, Abiola used wealth and humorous jokes and excessive libido, Fela married 27 and we young men are just watching. My research question is simple, why are the old men winning? What is it about old age that is so attractive to light skinned and extremely beautiful women? I am carrying out surveys asking light skinned women why they find these old men so attractive and will soon publish my findings. Till then, I beg the Buhari administration to come out with a law that suspends these marriages until we can get a level playing ground. The old men are winning o. What are the old women waiting for, they should join in this battle by marrying far younger men, so that we have equal employment opportunity for our youths.
Thank you.




Buharis cabinet - I Offer My Services
I have been waiting infront of Jagabans Ikoyi house with my CV, hoping to submit it. I am totally convinced that I can serve NIGERIA perfectly as the new Petroleum Minister. The news that The President is currently looking like making himself the Petroleum Minister has not deterred me. Look, I am better qualified for this post than him for the simple reason, that my almost permanent stay on the fuel queue has exposed me to the dynamics of the petroleum industry. By mere seeing a Petroleum Tanker I already know if it is empty or not, I also know when the price on the dispenser does not tally with the quantity that has just been sold. I also know from the smell if the fuel is adulterated or not and by simply dabbing the fuel and spilling it on the floor I can also gauge the true quality. These and other attributes make me better Qualified than the President to serve in the Petroleum Minsitry. Mr President over a career queuing at filling stations, I know those who cheat in their dispensing and those who sell according to best practices. I am not corrupt and will not fly private jets to OPEC meetings, I will go by Arik so that I get there late and avoid getting our quota cut. I will work with my new friend Ifeanyi Ubah to destabilize the marketers Union thereby ensuring that there will be no crippling strikes during the life of this administration. So please consider my candidacy, as soon as I get fuel to buy, I'll come meet with you to discuss extensively my plans for the Ministry. Thank you.


Sahara Reportes dares Robert Mugabe

I just finished watching the video clip on YouTube. Laugh want kill me. A man who has held on to power for over 30 years came to celebrate democracy and watch a seamless transfer of power from an incumbent to the winner of an election. He is really shameless o., what was going on in his mind during the celebration as he sat there and watched the ceremony. For once, I supported the unprofessional antics of these Sahara people. The lady taunted him with questions of when he would bring about change in Zimbabwe and was ridiculed and laughed at by Nigerians who never allow these kinds of opportunities slip by. Mugabe should never have been invited to that ceremony and should be treated as a pariah until he frees Zimbabwe. I can just imagine what was on his mind as the tiny girl was heckling him, I am sure he was just wishing they could just disappear and appear in Harare, that girl and her master Sowore would have seen pepper. Kai, just go Mugabe.

Loud whispers - the book
This compilation is almost ready. It's the total summation of all of these articles. So all those I have yabbed and did not get to read it either as a result of imprisonment or house arrest now have the opportunity to buy the book and read. Alibaba, the famed comedian wrote the forward and my picture is there. So please people start making your orders, I have to pay school fees. Give me a call.


http://josephedgarng..com/2015/06/amaechi-e-don-do-abeg-and-other-matters.html

Yahooze crooner Olu Maintain is broke, Mike Angelo News is reporting.
So bad is the singer's situation, that he is said to have been given a quit notice by his landlord for failure to pay his house rent.
This is no doubt coming as a shock considering that a little over eight years ago he was the rave of the moment, with his huge jam ‘Yahoozee’. Olumide Adegbulu aka Mr. Olu Maintain as he’s fondly called, in that song reiterated to everyone who listened that he had ‘hammered’ meaning money was no longer his problem.

Even after the Yahooze fame, Olu managed to get public attention recently with his 'Nawti' single, video for which had on display many beautiful women, and state of the art cars, leading people to believe that Olu was still living life on a Kentro level, even though the single was not as successful as 'Yahooze'.

The story for Olu Maintain has however changed and his finances has no doubt depleted. So bad is the situation that he was given marching orders by his landlord to vacate the property he resides at Akin Osiyemi street,Off Allen Avenue Ikeja, Lagos or face the wrath of the law.





You might be tempted to ask what happened to all the dollars, pounds and euro Olu Adegbulu ‘had’, while living the 'Kamakaze life on a Kentro level, leading people to believe that he had more than enough to spend and in the reserves? Well the answer like they say is blowing the wind. Olu instead of investing in property and other valuable assets which may have saved him from his current predicament preferred to live in a rented apartment. He made many circles believe that the place he calls home was actually bought by him until now that he is facing eviction orders just like D’banj.

The grapevine has it that, but for the goodwill of a kind-hearted neighbour who appeased the wrath of the men in uniform from throwing out his belongings and taking possession of the rented building since he has been unable to meet his rent obligation to his landlord, he would have been thrown on the streets like and made homeless.





How did Olu get to this level? Well, like the usual saying goes pride goes before a fall. Olu had all the opportunities in this world to be atop of his game, he’s an embodiment of style. He doesn’t smoke; drink cognac. His vice of the three common to men is womanising. He has been linked to some very hot actresses and known ladies. This of course is a story for another day.

Olu is said to have had people behind him who rallied round to support the Yahoozee album only for him to make bigger bucks and then he started to show how 'true color', thereby biting the fingers that made him. This act, according to close family source, made him loose a lot of things and has made a lot of people distant themselves from him.

Apart from this, MDB also heard from sources close to the situation that Olu has penchant for getting songs from upcoming artists and turning them into hits, promising them in return a brighter future, record deal, or even visa abroad but failing most times to fulfil his promises to these unknown talents. Perhaps, his current predicament may be as a result of Karma as well.

Here is hoping Olu learns from this experience, and changes for the better in future.

http://www.mojidelano.com/2015/06/yahooze-crooner-olu-maintain-broke.html

cc: Lalasticlala Ishilove, TheRealMrStan Seun

Not sure whether this is a YAAY, or NAY for me, because I'm a huge fan of the original, but Disney has announced the remake of one of its most successful comedies of the early 1990s 'Sister Act.'
Kirsten "Kiwi" Smith and Karen McCullah — two of the most reliable comedy writers with credits that include Legally Blonde, The House Bunny and She's the Man — are writing the latest chapter in the franchise, which spawned the 1992 original starring Whoopi Goldberg(Breaking The Habit), a 1993 sequel(Back In The Habit), and a Tony-winning Broadway musical.


It is unclear if Whoopi Goldberg would return for a third outing in some capacity, whether as Deloris or a new character. Plot details of the remake are also being kept under wraps.

Sister Act is one of my best movies, one I can never get tired of watching. As a result, the news of this remake leaves me somewhat skeptical. I would have preferred a third part featuring some of the old cast with a very interesting storyline.

We'll see how the it turns out.

http://www.mojidelano.com/2015/06/popular-1992-classic-sister-act-remake.html

cc: lalasticlala Ishilove Seun TheRealMrStan

I saw a tweet message on one of these blogs showing Desmond Elliot the recently minted Lagos House of Assembly Member being harassed by a serial stalker. Apparently this same sex starved guy has been harassing other male actors and has also zeroed in on Desmond as his latest conquest.
I hear this sex starved person usually sends his victims, his naked pictures and also sends them sexually explicit messages asking amongst others for hook ups. This is not strange anymore as the western society is forcing us to accept homosexuality as normal. The only strange thing is the fact that Desmond's would be lover would not be faithful to him, if 'she' ever agreed for him. Seeing that he already has his eyes on other people.
But seriously, I have been looking at this issue of homosexuality a little bit more critically these days. I have become more and more interested in the issue because of the growing number of practitioners especially in the creative industry.

One day, I had followed my friend for a rehearsal for an upcoming fashion show. My people the thing I saw in that place was too much for a calabar man from the deep jungles of Uyo to comprehend. I saw young boys walking around like girls, wearing very tight shorts and wiggling their arms like those girls who pretend to be aje butter. They didn't even hide their sexuality flaunting it all over the place like it was the very normal thing to do.

Me, I came to watch the babes, since they had told me that these girls usually walk around naked. Na him I carry myself go for free show only for me to jump into a den of gay people. I shock o, the lipstick on their lips, their small firm buttocks and the skinny hairy legs, with high heel shoes and scarves over their necks. I come dey pity their mama. When dem mama born them, the family was happy o...

That day was not easy o. I found out that since I wore a red shoe, the people thought I was one of them. They started preening and walking suggestively around me, winking and generally flirting with me. Me, Akwa Ibom man, to look man, na that day I go die. My host even told me that they had started fighting over me backstage. I was weak, the gay people had even shared my backside amongst themselves even without my knowledge and consent. This was insurgency at its very best. These people wanted to sodomise me without my consent. That is how randy they were.

I became distracted and fearful. I quickly dropped the bottle of coke, less they drugged it and ravished me without my knowledge. If that ever happened to me, na who go believe me say I was raped. So I stopped drinking, tightened my belt and stood firmly with my bag covering my ass as I watched them competing with the female models for my attention. Another fear I had, was the fear of arrest, what if police came in here for a raid how will they believe I was not part of them with my red shoes

So I greeted my host and bid him farewell. As I drove home, I began to ask myself questions that had no immediate answers. What made people go gay, what is the attraction to the male buttocks especially with the sweetness and softness of a female one? How come certain industries and professions attract so many people with this orientation? Why is it that the western world has so normalized this that today gay people are even more respected than the rest of us? The answer my friend as they usually say is blowing in the wind.

The other day, I went to another fashion show at the Civic Centre and I can swear that it was only me and one skinny urhobo man that were the only straight people in the hall. From the designer, to the models and most of the audience, they were all one kind. From the way they were walking to the kisses they were blowing in the air and the tight pants you could see that we did not belong.

I ran as fast as my legs can carry me and swore never to attend any fashion show again except it was organized in a Police Station. Kai, we are in trouble in this country.

http://josephedgarng..com/2015/05/desmond-elliot-reluctant-gay-icon.html

lalasticlala Ishilove Seun TheRealMrStan

A New Dawn?
By the time you guys read this, my guy Muhammadu would already have been President for 48hours. He would have already taken his first bath in the State House and slept on the bed and watched his favourite TV Programme, Moments with MO. Tinubu and Amaechi are downstairs still
debating on who will be the next Senate President while our new First Lady in the kitchen preparing Presidential Kunu for Muhammadu.
This weekend is not when to bother about people like Deziani and Ifeanyi Ubah, this evening is for just relaxing and thanking God for allowing us fulfill our dream of replicating OBJs feat of ruling twice both as Military Dictator and Civilian President.

The Probes can start from Monday, the wahala with subsidy, naira devaluation, Boko Haram and the huge debt Jonathan left behind would be dealt with then. This night it's for boogie. The disco party being organized by Oluremi Tinubu must be used to showcase the new dance steps recently learnt from the last trip to the UK. Where is that jeans sef, the one I wore when IBB came calling at the State House that cold December morning when I had to quickly retreat to Daura?
That reminds me, IBB must not be invited to today's party. Let him go and party in Otueke after all he never made up his mind early as to who he will vote for.
Me, Muhammadu Kai, Shege. Me President again, I have to buy plenty socks o. I have to be changing these socks regularly so that my style go become national style like that stupid south south attire wey Jonathan been dey parade and people like Asari dey copy am. I will make sure wearing socks under the babaringa will be the only accepted attire for all cabinet members.

That reminds me, all these Yeye Governors because dey think dem borrow me money for campaign they think they can choose ministers for me. They are joking, I have warned them they should stay clear. I already have my cabinet chosen and ready. The Bank Manager that borrowed me the money to buy the Form would be the Minister of Finance, the guy taking care of my Cattle in
Daura will be the Minister of Agriculture, my tailor who sews my lovely Babaringa will be my Minister of culture and finally the first man who opened the way for Trekkers, yes the one who first trekked from Lagos to Abuja would be my Minister of Sports.

Finally, this Tinubu how will I cut him down to size. His big eyes is disturbing me. Election that I have contested three times and have garnered enough experience, knowing all the intricacies and now they are saying its Tinubu that helped me in the election and that one sef is
just carrying himself about like he is the Jagaban of Aso Rock. I know what I will do, I will make sure I organize Owambe parties all over the place to distract him while I make major policy decisions. Me, I am ready this time o. This Presidency will be the Presidency to end
all Presidencies. Make we start.

Busola Saraki Has My Vote.

Let me jump into this fight. My sole candidate for the Senate Presidency is His Excellency Senator Bukola Saraki simply because I once saw his father eat Amala at a party in Gbagada. My very good friend Feyi Banjoko was having a party for her cousin somewhere in Gbagada long time ago and she invited me. It was at this party that I met, the legendary Olusola Saraki, father to Bukola. I watched him very closely as he greeted everybody and carefully sat to eat his Amala and Ewedu soup. He devoured the food with so much vigor, he was very hungry that day and asked for extra Amala. When the Amala was not forthcoming he stretched and took my own. I was so proud, that I could
not wait to get home to tell my mum, that Olusola Saraki took my Amala. Ever since, I have followed very closely the fortunes of this family, from the crashing of Societe Generale Bank, their family bank through Bukolas emergence as Governot and his fight with his Sister Gbemi. My understanding of the Saraki enigma was complete when I used to go to ilorin to beg the Present Governor for business as an Investment Banker when he was Commissioner of something. The man will seat me down and tell me how Bukola was the next best thing after Agege Bread. The man will talk and talk and at the end of the day, he will not give me the business and he will not even give me food or
transport money. I used to imagine which kind Commissioner be this and be praying in my mind for him to loose election. So you see my long relationship with Bukola hence my support. So I am appealing to all Senators to please kindly elect Bukola Saraki as the next Senate President for all the reasons I have stated above. Thank you.




Senator Elect, Buruji 'America' Kashamu

Look my anger will boil over if and when my best Friend is bundled to America before he hands over his Rolls Royce to me. I am using this platform to send a very strong signal to all our enemies both local and international that they should stay away at least until I am able to convince Kashy to give me the Rolls. But seriously, I sat him down one beautiful afternoon as we drank Palmwine, near OBJ's hilltop mansion and asked him to look straight into my eyes and tell me the honest to God truth if he was the real drug baron that the Americans were looking for. He stared deep into my eyes, his blood shot eyes peering into my sexy eyes and swears by the gods of his ancestors that it wasn't him. That it was his lookalike brother that was the baron. I looked at him with disbelief but immediately I saw the Rolls Royce I immediately believed him. Look Kashy is an honest Nigerian, the only drug he has ever seen is paracetamol and even that sef, na me dey buy for am. I believe in his integrity and sportsmanship. It's obj, Bode George, Stephen Keshi, Koro and Baba Suwe who have all conspired to
give him a bad name. So the house arrest and siege must stop immediately. Kashy is innocent and we will not hand him over to the Americans. Have they finished catching all the drug barons in their
country, what is so special about our own. If they they catch him, will it stop all the drug trafficking in their country? Please they should leave our own Kashy, is that the Boko Haram that want to
help us catch? They know how to bring arrest warrant to deliver, why can't they take it to Sambisa forest and see what will happen to them?
Abeg, leave my brother o, let him give me the Rolls Royce, I need to sell it to buy food and fuel for the teeming population who cannot afford to eat daily.


Ifeanyi Ubah The Messiah

Na wa. This person who just a few months ago was running from pillar to post trying to save his head and company from total collapse and bankruptcy is now the one who offered to save NIGERIA from the hands of the Marketers who suddenly decided to bring all of us to our knees.
Ubah gleefully announced that he was releasing 15million Litres of Petrol to alleviate the suffering masses and like the gullible Roman Mob, Nigerians immediately starting deifying him. Praising him to high heavens and forgiving him for all his sins and wishing he had contested against Buhari instead of the hapless Jonathan.
I made the grave mistake of writing an article on social media querying his intentions and the possibility since I know that he only owned storage tanks and could not import. My people if you see the level of abuse Nigerians abuse me over three widely circulated blogs and on Twitter ehn?
My daughter, Chantal after reading the insults staryed crying that this was too much. You see the sacrifice I make for this country. On one blog, one hundred and eleven people called me all sort of names from 'idiot' to 'homosexual'. Some who knew me, asked me to go and pay my house rent and stop begging for attention. The fact that Ubah must have been privy to the meeting called by the Senate and the likelihood that the strike would have been called off was lost on the marauding crowd, but who will blame the people who over the last two weeks have
been living like hermits in caves? I swear some people could not even make love because of the heat, so who was I to berate Ubah even if this was crass tokenism at its best? I have learnt to avoid Social
Media, that place is really not for deep thinkers like me and Soyinka. That place consists mostly of intellectually bereft inanities who spend their time trolling and looking for the next subject or personality to throw jibes and intellectually bereft misogynist assaults on internationally recognised juggernauts like me. So, all those kukuruku who abused me on all those childish blogs and Twitter, I hereby challenge your champion, choose one person to come fight me at Eagle
Square to celebrate Muhammadu's 100 days in office, when the Naira would be trading at par to the dollar and fuel would be everywhere and power would be fully restored and Kashy safely in Chicago. The winner will get invited to spend one full weekend with me in Kalakuta Republic.


Farewell My Buddy President Jonathan And Crew

I will not miss the following people, Femi Fani Kayode, DOYIN Okupe, Olisa Metuh, Dr. Reuben Abati, Muazu, Orubebe and a host of all Lilliputians who contributed in no small measure to making this regime the laughing stock of the whole world. They in their no small measures ensured that the mobile comedy show continued and did not end even after the elections were won and lost. Recently, they have turned on themselves and the circus has continued. FFK accusing and counter accusing the NWC of the PDP and those ones fighting back and threatening to expose him. Too late, nothing to expose. We already knows he is dating a very beautiful and young lady who has been
exposed to the best Nigerian tax payers can afford. From flights in Private jets to come and take exams, to driving in brand new Range Rover cars and generally living the good life and inspiring all other young girls to forget to work very hard for tomorrow's blessing. So Olisa look for something new to tell us because FFK is an open book.

I'm happy this crew is leaving the stage. I hope they will also leave the party stage so that our party can rebuild and remerge. I suspect this new Government would need a responsive and well guided opposition party to keep them on their toes.


http://josephedgarng..com/2015/05/a-new-dawn-and-other-matters-arising.html

Lalasticlala Ishilove Seun The RealMrStan

Life is forever strange. Jonathan a few minutes ago became the latest yesterday's man. I watched as he arrived for the very last time with the full pomp and pageantry of the Presidency and literally looked dymistified as he shook the hands of his successor, handing over the baton and stymying slyly into the shadows of history.
I watched him closely as he sat. Trying very hard to comport himself and not betraying any emotions knowing fully well that the cameras and indeed the eyes of the whole world would be staring at him. Looking better dressed than the man of the day, his bowler hat perfectly perched on his head with his graying hair, peeping from underneath the bowler hat thanking its stars that it didn't have to come out to share in this perfidy.
What was in his mind as he sat down there, enduring the stares and watching the sycophants as they immediately switched allegiances. Obj was behind him, did he feel like turning back and slapping him? Tinubu was way behind, was that why in his walk around he did not get to that part of the cubicle. What would he have done differently if time was rolled back. Would he have ignored obj, would he have stayed loyal to the buffoons who made a buffoonery of his administration. How come his roll of luck came to such a disgraceful end and why did that his gregarious wife not come and share in this public humiliation.

Where are all the geezers who shared in the rut, where are the ill advisers and much more importantly where are the Nollywood clowns, who all sang and danced his name to high glory. How will history treat Jonathan, I fear, not with mercy. His was a template of disaster, his was a fine glass of recklessness, a lack of will power to take painful decisions and a cowards hand book on how not to rule a country like NIGERIA...

As I watched, I failed to see the hope Americans saw during Obama's first inauguration. As I watched I saw the result of misplaced faith. We kept faith in luck as if we could control luck. He didn't have shoes, so we voted, he was the ever available replacement, from Deputy Governor to the Presidency we voted. What did we get in return, a failed state, an economy in tatters, missing children, 2m displaced people, no power and in his last days, no fuel.

Jonathan - yesterday's man, lurking in the shadows of failed leaders. He , a statesman he would not be. I saw pity in the eyes of the dignities on the stand. From my couch in my living room, I could almost here the Heads of state whisper in his ears as he walked past- be strong. Yes he needs that advice for the loneliness that would envelope him this night would be so scary that he would need about 46 candles and a heavy dose of prayers from David's Book of Psalms to get him through the night.

He quietly slipped away like a lizard, though the backdrop and most likely into a tiny car far from the grandeur of the posh intimidating car he rode in and into the depth of anonymity where he would have only himself to blame for this loneliness and huge sense of failure.

He threw aways greatness and in his simplicity he will go back to the simpleton he was meant to be, if not for the rude interference of fate which threw him unprepared into the national limelight but left him to dance naked surrounded by hippies and a wife worse than an ethnic savage.

I say goodbye to this yesterday's man and wish him well as he joins his fishermen kinsmen in sleepy Otueke from where he emerged to lead us to Golgotha. Sleep well Jona and Gods forgiveness and blessing be with you.

I shed just one tear.
http://josephedgarng..com/2015/05/jonathan-yesterdays-man-by-joseph-edgar.html

Lalasticlala, Ishilove, TheRealMrStan, Seun

Look, me and some very reasonable people are not being carried away by this Ifeanyi UBA's hemlock. His decision to release 13 million liters of fuel is nothing but crass betrayal and a childish attempt at populism in the face of imminent disgrace by the incoming government.
We are tired of this kind of symbolism, this is what has put us in this place of global mockery and national helplessness. How many filling stations does Uba have, what is the national fuel usage, he releases 15 days worth of fuel to the Nation and after that what next, we are still faced with the same issues that led to the strike in the first place.

Has he resolved his wahala with AMCON? Has he cleared himself of the fuel subsidy mess? Has he paid back Coscharis and other investors he has been owing. Abeg he is part of this problem and should go sit down with the union to engage government in a bid to finding lasting solution to the issue of subsidy and fuel supply in the country.

What Uba is doing can lead to the inevitable destruction of the country. If unions decide to go on strike to bring to the fore the underlying and covered up issues of corruption, back handling, favoritism that has bedeviled not only the subsidy regiment but the whole gamut of the demystification of the petroleum industry and one person decides to break ranks and moves fuel, he should be arrested because he knows that by the time the country is on complete lockdown all the underground schemes would come up in the open.


To me, Uba's move is aimed at scuttling the cleansing process this strike would have thrown up. He wants us to continue to be held to ransom by his ilk hence his decision to break rank so that the strike will collapse. This we must fight. We must reject his poisonous fuel. Let the strike continue. Let companies shut down, let there be no light, let there be no fuel, let schools, hospitals, radio stations all shut down. We are ready for the sacrifice, we will not die if the aim is to clean up the system and throw people like UBA who have held us in contempt by their nefarious activities in the downstream sector into the dustbin.

The incoming Government should immediately engage the unions and assure them of their genuine desire to look critically into all the issues with a view to bringing lasting solutions to this matter. The outgoing Government have given themselves the last disgrace with this show of shame. They have prefabricated and run into their holes, we no longer are interested in them. Let the probes start, let Uba come out and tell us how he got his 13 million liters.

We are tired. We are tired. I don't want his fuel. He should go and dump them in the Lagoon.

-Joseph Edgar is an investment banker who writes as a hobby on trending topics in Nigeria. He blogs at josephedgarng..com
http://josephedgarng..com/2015/05/ifeanyi-uba-study-in-betrayal-keep-your.html

Senator elect has threatened to kill himself should the door of his bedroom be kicked in by NDLEA. This is a threat I am taking very seriously, not because I care what he does with his life but the fact that I won't mind his giving me that his gleaming Rolls Royce. I implore the NDLEA to please give me enough time to try and persuade him to accept my plea. The car is something else, I saw it once in VI with its customized plate. The man sef no fit hide. When you know the U.S. and NDLEA are looking for you, you are still driving around in customized Rolls Royce with your name on it. Abeg let them break the door let me enter and give him the papers to sign. I want to sell the car and buy food for people to eat. People are hungry, no fuel, jobs are being lost and it's looking like its a major catastrophe in this our country. The travails of people like Kashamu is just the beginning. God is going to continue to visit them, those who have put us in this position after years of economic boom only for us to end up with 3trillion domestic debt and little or nothing left in our foreign reserve.

I believe Kasahmu is guilty. This is my personal opinion and I should not be held in libel on this. My reasoning is that, if he was innocent, why is he fighting so bitterly not to be extradited. US is not NIGERIA, Justice is better served there and if he was innocent, he would be cleared within five minutes and he will then even sue them and make more money to buy more Rolls Royce. So he should please spare us with all this stories of wanting to kill himself, he should just go ahead, who cares and let's face the real problems that face us in NIGERIA.

I just read his statement accusing Bode George as being behind his travails. I thought it was Obasanjo the way we are going, he would soon accuse Tuface as being the one trying to push him to suicide. If he did not put himself in this situation in the first place he won't be exposed to this kind of humiliation. Whoever advised him should have told him to go for Governorship, that way he would have been immune for at least 4 years. As Senator, no such immunity, especially now that his party has lost so he is exposed.

My own is that I want the Rolls Royce. Give me that Rolls Royce otherwise I will kill myself o.
http://josephedgarng..com/2015/05/kashamu-please-before-you-kill-yourself.html

Seun Lalasticlala Ishilove TheRealMrStan

A Kenyan lawyer has offered US President Barrack Obama 50 cows, 70 sheep and 30 goats for his daughter’s hand in marriage.
Speaking to The Nairobian, Felix Kiprono said his dream is to marry one of Obama’s daughters, Malia, and he is ready to meet Obama to discuss the matter when he visits Kenya in July.
“I got interested in her in 2008. As a matter of fact, I haven’t dated anyone since and promise to be faithful to her. I have shared this with my family and they are willing to help me raise the bride price,” he said.
The young lawyer claims his love for Malia is real and not infatuation. He claims Malia has Kenyan blood since his father Obama has Kenyan roots.

Kiprono said he is not after the family’s money, adding that his love is real.

“People might say I am after the family’s money, which is not the case. My love is real,” he said, adding that, “I am currently drafting a letter to Obama asking him to please have Malia accompany him for this trip. I hope the embassy will pass the letter to him. I will hand it over to the US Ambassador with whom we have interacted several times.”



The lawyer said that should Obama accept his request, his engagement to the ‘love of his life’ will be “unique with a twist.”

“If my request is granted, I will not resort to the cliche of popping champagne. Instead, I will surprise her with mursik, the traditional Kalenjin sour milk. As an indication that she is my queen, I will tie sinendet, which is a sacred plant, around her head,” he said.
“I will propose to her on a popular hill in Bureti near my father’s land where leaders and warriors are usually crowned. The place is called Kapkatet, which means ‘victory’,adding, “ours will be a simple life. I will teach Malia how to milk a cow, cook ugali and prepare mursik like any other Kalenjin woman,” he said.
This guy is what we Yoruba's call 'Oniyeye,'...lol. Do you think Felix has any chance at marrying Malia?

http://www.mojidelano.com/2015/05/im-in-love-with-her-kenyan-lawyer.html
lalasticlala, Ishilove, TheRealMrStan, Seun

Me I had sworn that no matter how badly treated I was by a Nigerian Airline I won't say anything. I will just be quiet and watch them disgrace themselves. So for years, I have been very silent with the rubbish they have been meting out on not only me but millions of Nigerians who unfortunately have to use them. From delayed flights, to outright cancellation. From bumpy rides in rickety planes that have seen me peeing on myself and screeming Jesusssssssss, to smelly air hostess with dirty armpits who behave as if they are the best things since slice bread , in all these I have kept my peace and not said anything. I did not even talk when the whole Arik crew descended on my friend the Amiable Abubakar Tafawa Balewa and beat him silly simply because he asked why his seat was given out, I didn't whimper o.

Maybe that is why, today they brought the fight to me. Me,Ajanaku, the Elephant, Aero people try me today. It all started when I got a text last night as usual postponing my morning flight in Abuja from 8.45am to 11.00am. The fact that I had an 11.0clock appointment that I had been chasing for years did not make me talk, the fact that the client had flown in from America and would be early for the meeting after flying for over 13 hours and me who had just 55minutes to fly would be late did not make me talk. So I took it all in my stride and slept off.

In the morning, I took my time and jumped into traffic and the usual Lagos traffic killed me. I arrived at their counter at exactly 10.30 for the flight and one very dirty Aero staff screamed at me with spittle gushing out of her mouth like a volcano erupting and throwing ash everywhere, ' we have closed the counter' she screamed turning her back and showing me a split in her skirts. I smiled believing that this is NIGERIA and this is Ajanaku that I will surmount this challenge. I called out at her and in my smoothest Don Jazzy voice, I pleaded for help. She was livid, looked at me sternly and asked if I did not understand English, that it was over and gleefully told me that the next flight was for 5 o'clock in the evening.

At this time, my cool evaporated and I started begging. I pleaded as if my life depended on it and at this point about 6 of their lowliest paid staff, all with different kinds of body stench descended on me and telling me categorically that I had to leave and come back by 5pm. I begged and begged and begged all to no avail. I even told them that we all voted APC and that the change had come that they should please temper Justice with mercy. This served to only anger them the more as they immediately started mocking me and laughing at me. Guys, the most painful thing in all these, was the fact that they were still checking in other passengers o. Those with huge and plenty luggages where being given VIP treatment while me in all my Gucci Shoes and trousers was left stranded and being advised to either go to another airline the or should start trekking like all these people trekking for Buhari.

At this point someone in authority strolled in and decided to assist and then I knew what my sin was. He asked them to open the system to see if there was more seats, he stared at the system like the tyrant he was, with the power of life and death. He sent a signal to the Pilot, not to dare move that plane until he decided what to do and after staring at the system for what seemed like an eternity gave judgement, I should be upgraded to first class. I thanked him and prayed that God should bless his mistress and that his wife will never catch him, but as he was walking away, his leprous colleagues called him back and told him that I had complained about being delayed for four hours on my last trip and as such I did not see any reason why I could not board after just being late for 30 minutes.

My people, Emperor turned with all the dignity he could muster and gave instant judgement, no more seats and that was final. I stood there looking like a class clown. I could not believe this was happening to me. The circus midgets all immediately burst into imbecilic laughter and stuck out their tongues at me.

Out of frustration, I left them and went to the medview counter, where the Angels there gave me a seat on their 12 noon flight. I thanked them and paid but decided to go back to Aero counter to vent. My people, I for Kuku just go my way o. Na police dey wait for me o. The goons had called Police for me and you know police, na who first report na him get case. The bleached police man demanded for my phone and asked to go through my picture gallery that I had taken pictures of the Aero staff.

That's how the man went through my phone, enjoyed himself with all the - you know the kind picture that will be there na- took his time and decided which ones he will delete and which ones he will keep and in all these the minions where still laughing and still checked people into a flight they had said was full an hour ago.

I thank God for the NCAA people who came to my assistance. Took me to their office took my complaints and calmed me down. They said they had been receiving series of complaints from harassed and humiliated passengers and will certainly do something this time.

So my people, Aero used to be my favorite airline, but with this kind of harassment and being treated like a thief I have left them and taken my wahala somewherelse. You can be sure, I will not miss their shitty service, I will not miss their cheap onboard flight, I will not miss the unpredictability of their services, I I'll not miss their rickety planes, I will not miss having to 'settle' their poorly paid and under trained staff and I will certainly won't have to kneel down and beg to be boarded simply because I mistakenly mentioned that if they could delay me for four hours, they should be a little bit more tolerant with my 30minute lateness, even though the flight was still on ground and checking in was still ongoing.

As I write, I am headed to the Airport with my heart in my mouth. One of the goons had threatened to cancel my return ticket and that I will never fly Aero. I asked him if his father was Ibru that he should try it. My people maybe I should join the Trekkers.

Aero Oshi.

http://josephedgarng..com/2015/05/aero-contractors-oshi.html
http://www.mojidelano.com/2015/05/aero-contractors-oshi-by-joseph.html

Seun, TheRealMrStan, Ishilove, Lalasticlala

After the news circulated about a week ago that OJB had relapsed, I called him and he refuted the claims. That call inspired the blog post Leave OJB Alone.
Further confirming his health status, a very boisterious OJB was at my office on Monday 17th May. He was very healthy and laughed off the rumours about his health. We also took pictures (as seen above) to prove once and for all that nothing is wrong with the veteran music producer. See another picture after the cut:

So to all the rumour mongers and haters, OJB is ok o. Nothing is wrong with the man o, ehnehn.

http://josephedgarng..com/2015/05/shame-on-haters-i-am-hale-and-hearty-ojb.html

Gov Adams Oshiomhole kisses his wife during their wedding reception
Governor Oshiomole did most ugly men proud this week by marrying the most beautiful woman he could find. The fact that he went as far as the Cape Verde does not remove from this victory. This marriage has defied all boundaries, age, height, colour, looks, status and anything you can think of. Love indeed conquers all. When I saw the pictures I was amazed and became deeply proud of Oshiomole, the girl fine. Kai.

Edo state people should be very proud. They now have a First Lady that can truly and well represent them in the international arena. This First Lady would not be interested in the wahala that comes with those boring summits the other First Ladies usually attend. I see Edo State being truly represented in the hallowed halls of the international Fashion Shows, Grammies, oscars and highly glamorous sporting Events. She will be another Princess Diana who will bring international spotlight to Edo State.

You guys think that he does not know what he is doing. With a very high rate of single girls daily being exported to Europe mostly from Edo, this First Lady's job is immediately cut out for her. As a young lady she should throw herself into this matter and bring restitution to the people of Edo by ensuring this is stopped forthwith.

That is all I will say about this marriage. I am controlling myself, because I can not gauge Oshiomole's self control especially on this matter so I won't yab him too much. Even though, I have a lot to say especially on my eagerness to see the looks of their offsprings, his performance in the dark room, if he will take another wife maybe this time from Hawaii and if he will be taking her on his numerous official duties.

But let me hold my peace for now and send him my wedding gift, six cartons of Viagra.


http://josephedgarng..com/2015/05/oshiomole-and-beauty.html

Lalasticlala, Ishilove, Seun, TheRealMrStan

I just read this piece from Moji Delano's blog(Read Story http://www.mojidelano.com/2015/05/prostitutes-beat-pastor-to-pulp-in.html) A man of God had been patronizing Prostitutes but when he decided to go to another one instead of his normal customer, hell broke loose. Kai the story says he was beaten black and blue.

Me I have a problem with the prostitutes. Is it not free market economy we are practicing? Freedom of choice being ruled by the laws of demand and supply. The man had a need and had his money to pay for his need, if he didn't pay it yen may be one might just support his being beaten but his problem was that he followed simple economic policy of demand and supply to fulfil his need and end d up being beaten up.

This is totally wrong. I think the Prostitues knowing he was a pastor just decided to embarrass him. This kinds of things should not be encouraged. Every man has the hunger and thirst for sex once in a while and this was even a very responsible pastor who instead of taking advantage of his members like we have been seeing, decided to go buy the commodity which eventually got him being beaten.

I am against this totally. Why should he be treated this way. I believe that his members, should rise up and protest this grave injustice. They should report not only to the police but stage protest walk all over Calabar until the Government compensate his pastor and he is given free show for at least one week. What is that.

This whole thing is scary. Was he supposed to wait to eat remnants. His customer was busy and the guy could not wait, he had prayer practice to lead in thirty minutes and n Ed the release so that he can effectiv ly communicate.
Please let's not be quiet about this, let's launch a social media campaign to get justice for our pastor. #freesexpastor. With the sole aim of getting reparation and Justice for him. Some of his female congregation, should volunteer services for him for free to stop him risking his life like this

Laugh wan kill me.

http://josephedgarng..com/2015/05/pastor-beaten-by-prostitutes.html

Seun, TheRealMrStan, Ishilove, Lalasticlala

Last night a popular blog announced with glee that OJB Jezereel had suffered a relapse. This was the climax of media inquisitiveness at OjB's state of health. I immediately placed a call to him and he didn't pick. I feared the worse and almost went into a panic, but some minutes after my phone rang. It was OJB himself.

His voice strong, his mood infectiously joyful. I could not hide my relief. I asked him what was going on and he said he too was in a state of confusion almost like the press where wishing him dead. He explained that he had gone to the hospital for his normal check up but this time instead of going in the usual disguise, he went in boldly and this must have sparked all of these rumors. Those that have taken time to call him he has responded but still they went ahead to publish all these false stories. OJB is my friend and I am in his corner. We have worked together on a project to raise funds for kidney patients and right now, OJB is in the middle of organising A major Health camp that would benefit Kidney sufferers. He made a very touching remark yesterday, he said that he could not get a press statement out easily on his project, but news of his imminent death has so freely been disseminated. Why are we so morbid in this country.

My plea is for him to be left alone to concentrate on his wives,keep healthy and keep fighting the cause of the kidney patients through his foundation, OJB foundation.

Thank you.
http://josephedgarng..com/2015/05/leave-ojb-alone.html

ishilove therealmrstan lalasticlala seun

Akeem Sodeinde, A popular Lagos socialite and renown club owner is dead.
Akeem who is fondly called 'The General' is the brain behind Movida Night club in Victoria Island. He is said to have died in his sleep on Sunday evening 10th of May 2015, after battling kidney disease and diabetes for many years.
He is survived by his wife and children.
http://www.mojidelano.com/2015/05/akeem-sodeinde-movida-night-club-boss.html

Ishilove TheRealMrStan, Lalasticlala, Seun