₦airaland Forum

DigitalLawyer:
Hello nairaland, I need your candid advice on this matter.

I am in my early 30’s. I am married and have been so married for 5 years now but I look very young like a single dude. Going back in time, it was the year 2017 during my youth service. I met this girl in my place of primary assignment. I got attracted to her and approached her for a date but she refused and maintained we could be good friends. She said I was not ready or rich enough to marry her. But as time went by, before the end of my service, I fell in love with her and she quite liked me but was dating another guy. Gradually, we started staying together as if we were dating. I was always with her, told her stories, sings for her while she cooks and assisted her in the kitchen. She could not resist my kindness, gentle disposition and above all my innocently handsome looks. She confessed that I am a husband material and wished I was rich enough to marry her. But poor me, I was a youth corper with only 20k salary and 19k allawee. In one of my romantic fits, I declared that in no distant time, I will marry her and I prayed about it. I never knew she was in love with another man. Fast forward till towards the ending of youth service, I made love with her and after passing out parade, she broke the news that she is pregnant for me. I had no job then but that evening I proposed to her without ring ( I had no money to buy ring). She was afraid because she does not want to disgrace her family by giving birth outside wedlock and so she agreed to marry me but we did not have enough money. Even with her own money combined, we cannot do a Traditional wedding and pay our house rent. I broke the news to my dad and knelt down and begged him in tears to support us so that we could successfully get married and settle down. Luckily for me My dad agreed and said that the baby in her womb is his blood and he cannot abandon it in another mans land. That I will marry her and she will give birth to his grandchild. He made some calls and sold one of his lands, divided the money in half and gave me to do a befitting wedding and settle down. I met the family of the girl who at that time did know about the pregnancy and with a bottle of Champagne told them I came to ask for their daughters hand in marriage. The mum accepted me but the dad had reservations as to whether I was buoyant enough to take care of his lovely daughter. But he finally made a remark “ he who do not have today, will have tomorrow” and gave us his blessing. I took her out and we professed love for each other. In the course of the wedding preparation, she lost the baby. After the baby was gone, we assured each other we will go ahead with the wedding because we love each other not because she was pregnant.
The wedding was a success and we relocated and started life in another state. It was hard for us initially but I got a job and things became fine.

Along the line she became pregnant again and gave birth to my son. After some time my salary was no longer enough for us. This was how insults found its way into the marriage. she insults and disrespect me at the slightest provocation. She calls me a failure whenever I cannot afford some things we need in the house. At a point my son’s school threatened to send them away from school in 2 days time if I don’t pay their fees. As a result my wife mounted so much pressure on me to look for money but I could find none. I pleaded with her that I was expecting some money in two week’s time from a deal I did but she gave me the insult of my life that day. Because of this I went and borrowed money from someone I was not supposed to meet for money. The insults continued and the disrespect persisted. At any slightest mistake I make in the house, she will rain down insults and threats on me. At one point she threatened to kill me if I cheated on her. As a result of the insults, I lost the love I had for her. The house became a hell to me. I lost my phone and could not buy another phone. I resorted to borrowing people’s phone to use their watsapp to do business calls. Sometimes, my wife refuses to give me her phone to use to speak to some clients. It became obvious, am no longer happy. Even my children started noticing it. The way she forments quarrels over trivial issues in the house and uses words that breaks my heart. At a point, I resumed smoking and drinking inorder to find peace and happiness at least whenever I am high. It was not enough, I started looking for alternative to my happiness. Maybe if I carry another woman it will balance the equation. I would be able to get the joy I never had in the house and be able to bear insults from my wife because another person is giving me joy outside. On a fateful day, I met this girl in a taxi I entered to work. Beautiful, attractive and courteous. She liked me at first meeting and we exchanged contacts. First I was not serious with her until when the sadness in my home continued, I started going after her to get the happiness, I am missing in the house. From meetings with her, I found her very respectful, lively and playful. One could forget all his cares in a moment with her. She is industrious and always expresses her dreams and how she believe she will attain same. I invited her to have dinner date with me after office hour on a fateful day and she complied. During the dinner, I told her about myself and she told me about herself. I told her that all I need is happiness because I am sad and empty. She did not know I am married and she wondered why I said that. She was already waiting for me to ask her to date me so that she will quickly say yes. Because I love to be truthful in all things, I told her I am married but that I am not happy. I was surprised when she told me she liked me and would like to date me despite that fact. She told me she has a boyfriend but he is unserious. Both of us within a short time blended in such a way that we talk, play and act like siblings. It was as if we had been friends before. Although I meet her clandestinely, my love for her grew. I started planning her future with her. Each time we talk we look at each other passionately in the eyes and she said she wished we had met before I got married. The funny aspect of it is that I have come to love her so much that all I need from her is her presence and attention and I have no desire whatsoever to have sex with her. I am not just attracted to her sexually. Each time I see her I smile profusely and she too smiles profusely and we play like little children. We always wished there were no obstacles like my marriage. Because of her, my happiness came back. I was no longer sad and at home my wife noticed my new countenance and that I am no longer interested and started Changing. Above all, the money I was expecting came, for now I am okay. She easily got whatever she asked for in the house and currently she has completely changed (not sure if she is pretending or not). Currently I am happy. Currently the beautiful innocent girl I met is in a dilemma because she does not know my fate with her. I kept wishing i married her. She keeps wishing I were not married. I showed her my children’s pictures and she loved them and asked me about them always.

Sorry for the long story but I am in a dilemma. Please I need your advice, I now love her more than my wife. In fact I no longer love my wife, we just live strictly as legally married husband and wife and nothing more.
But I now love this girl so much that I am afraid of losing her because she is the one that gave me joy to be able to withstand the depression in my house. Now that peace has returned to my house what should I do. I don’t know whether my wife is pretending or she is fully changed. But I feel for the girl, I love her, she is someone I can live with for a 100 years without getting tired of loving her.

Please advice me. Please no insult and abeg don’t judge me, I have not touched her.

grandstar:
For British ladies, they exercise a lot and watch their diet. That explains the leaner size.

I remember when coming back from England almost a decade ago when I went for a family reunion, I was surprised at how fat Nigerians were when boarding the plane.

Note: Not all take care of the weight. Finding the time to do so is a challenge for some especially if a single mother juggling jobs.

Also, because food is cheap relative to income, one can easily binge on good if you lack didcipline. On the British minimum wage, you can buy 2 full chickens just working for an hour. In Nigeria, you have to work for like 3 days or 24hours..

falcon01:
Don't do that it's Natural the older you get the less attention your put towards your body especially the stomach plus most of them are sucking it in most of the time yes even the white ladies. Go and see them in reality they are always sucking in their stomach.

Obafavour:
The main cause is the GENE and the distribution of fat. The white women store more fat in their boobs, if at all the body stores fat "remember i said the main cause is gene" you barely see a white woman storing fat in the abdomen and butt, not that they don't store fat there but you will hardly see because that's their nature and their children inherit the nature.
But black women stores their fat mostly in the abdomen and butt, not that they don't store in the boobs infact they store fat in those three places but 70% of african women store fat downward starting from the abdomen, you will notice this in the fat mummies. This the african nature and the children inherits it which we call "GENE" and it mostly appear when they are fully grown to an adult stage.

Demigod22:
Logically speaking, she is lucky he didn't break her neck too.

Emotionally speaking, she should give herself time to heal before going into another relationship.

Sincerely speaking, I don't feel sorry for any lady that get her heart broken.

Streetically speaking, las las this breakfast go reach everybody.

Realistically speaking, most girls jump into relationship without proper assessment of the guy.

Wotoporiously speaking, if you like study guy for ten years, heart wey go break go still break.

Holistically speaking, I pity the girl because me self na Corp member too, she is my comrade.

Seriously speaking, most people don't know what they are into. A girlfriend should be a potential wife. Relationships are investments, not hobbies, we should date with a purpose.

CrisNews:
Oyinbo Lady Set To Visit Nigeria After Man She Met Online Rejected Her ($500) N211,000 Gift Card

https://pejoweb.com/articles.php?epr=view&pagename=1661776284OyinboLadySettoVisitNigeriaafterManSheMetOnlineRejectedHerN211000GiftCardCrisben.html

shagamite:
How did you come about nairaland

EmiDon11:
like what and what?

EmiDon11:
how are u doing?

STILESGANG:
it means they have no fucking standards.I’m tired of seeing young African men with old decrepit white women.It’s embarrassing

Rozross:
Sexual activities between couples require some form of skills and energy no doubt. Women hold down jobs, being moms, being a wife and this can be overwhelming and highly desexualising making it difficult to shift into romantic modes with worn out energies.

With all these put together, should women worry over not being good in bed to meet up with their partners' fantasies?

Do men really care about their partner’s bedroom skills? As a man, will you leave your woman because of her poor bedroom skills?

3nity7:
you are an expert at it already, you're learning and flow is 100%. Am beginning to even think you're Nigerian

EmiDior:
hello...miss white

pacespot:
Thank you, good to know that people that are natural like you are still existing.
Is that you in your profile pic?

STILESGANG:
African men would marry a dog for a green card.They are that desperate

Youngwiz71:
Well normally when you think of a particular thing, person or place before sleeping at night there is every possibility you'll dream of it, it's quite normal tho.....

But the starnge part for yours is where you said the things you dream about comes true/is true, na that one I no Sabi again, try and communicate with a Pastor(even tho you're not religious) or at least someone elderly...

EmiDior:
I ve met many nigerian girls.

Almost all thier boobs have taste.

According to WHO "a healthy breast should be odourless and tasteless"

so nigerian girls, why are your's different?

Some, thier nipple tastes salty whats the cause?

Some nipples will be dark but after sucking it will be pink.

Does that mean there is a black salt around nigerian girls nipples?

Nigerian girls, why una breast get salty taste?

3nity7:
My side dey wella and my matter package .... Yes we have the good, the bad, and the ugly here and in the outside world. But no send Dem, Na pepper body dey do Dem. Any one Wey wan shine eye for you cut rope follow am. ( Warri pidgin) your welcome.

Sammy101111:
Yes it is Genetics
And not all man fancy boobs

The heavier you are the heavy the fall

Some big breast will bread feed just once and it will fall it genetic

And some will still stand after breasting feeding a baby

fati2001:
Hi
long time?

Enkidu70:
That's what I heard I guess people spreading such stories are just prejudiced

pacespot:
If someone from such distance can trust you, why don't you trust them until otherwise proven? I think it is also down to environmental factors and proximity. The closer you are to someone the easier to date.

InvertedHammer:
/
To you they are not Whites but to an average Nigerian, Indians and Lebanese are whites too. Go figure!

/

MondayOsunbor:
PAID WHITE ASHAWO!

InvertedHammer:
/
1 million people wear the T-shirt. No problem

Two lowly Oyibo women wear the T-shirt and black people are acting as if God wore the T-shirt.

Why won't Oyibo feel special and treat Africans with disdain. An Oyibo technician drafted to Nigeria will be provided with perks of office that will make a CEO envious. Africans especially Nigerians should stop public display of low self-esteem.

/

nwekeugochukwu:
https://igberetvnews.com/1426890/asiwaju-2023-oyinbo-ladies-campaign-tinubu-photo-video/

dyera:
I expected as much. With Tinubu's criminal record in the hands of Oyibo people, I'm not surprised they would support him because they would want someone they can control as the president of Nigeria.

And if you are wondering what is bad about having a western puppet as the president of Nigeria, take a look at Ukraine. Millions of Ukrainians have fled the country because the president kept taking decision that favors the west but are against the interest of Ukraine.

pocohantas:
Maybe they do, but they are not Nigerians. They don’t care and were probably paid for this. My concern has to be someone like kayperry eating paltry meals, sharing NEPA bills and still going out of his way to defend the indefensible.

GoooodHardDick:
They were either forced or begged to put on those t shirts.

Nigerians wake up! We may never see a candidate like Obi again. This is the best Chance we have now to remove these ancestors and get Nigeria working again!!!

Together we can get it right this time around. Let's not miss this opportunity. Let's Vote massively for Vote labour party, vote for peter Obi.

As usual tehifnubu urchins let the wailing begin in 3.........2.........1...............go!!!!

envoymedia:
https://igberetvnews.com/1426682/trending-video-young-nigerian-man-onyibo-lover-photos/

pacespot:
So are black Americans different from Africans? It comes down to issue of trust my guy, though young White girl might not be so disposed to dating someone in another country, which is quite understandable.