₦airaland Forum

MzDarkSkin:
[color=#993300]Chima I have been called lots of things. If "biatch, ghetto, and pea brain' fail to faze me, 'feminist-man hater' def. won't.  
It still won't change the facts. Women where I am from have that right and I will use it to keep my father's name as one half of the hyphened one
I am to have in the future. I aim to marry my future husban for LOVE AND LOVE ONLY. To trust, stand by and grow old with, not to base and play tug of war over menial things like a blasted name. To each his own. Just like I can choose who I am to be with, so will be the case with my name.[/color]

You know back in the day women were forced to marry anything and accept that person's identity.  They had no voice back in that time for which started the feminism process and Susan B Anthony was the forerunner.  She said in her books that a boy will be intimidated by a woman who is courageous to fight her place in the world, but a real man will stand by her side and side.  

We can tell who are the boys and who are the men.  

MzDarkSkin:
[color=#993300]Chima I have been called lots of things. If "biatch, ghetto, and pea brain' fail to faze me, 'feminist-man hater' def. won't.  
It still won't change the facts. Women where I am from have that right and I will use it to keep my father's name as one half of the hyphened one
I am to have in the future.[/color]

That is the beauty of Freedom of Choice.  I thank God for the forefathers fighting to ensure the rights we have as women because I am loving my country.    We are not oppressed nor shackled down.  Holla!

[size=22pt]Thank you!  We have the freedom to choose and it feels greaaaaat!  [/size]

You wants some frosted flakes and cold milk? I just thought of Tony the Tiger.

adconline:
Muslim men do not have an issue with their wives keeping their father's surnames why are Christian men supposedly having issues with that?  They also thinks that everyone is religious which is beyond me.  

Since this is your mantra, just also to remind you that Muslim women are not allowed to mingle with men who are not blood relative or husbands. Maybe we should look up to Saudi Arabia on how it treats women; since it's the beacon of Islam.  We cannot cherry pick.

Of course, I can change my name to Iyabo Obasanjo , Amina Yar'dua or  Ngozi Azikiwe if the money is right. Who cares?

You can ask me my mantra instead of assuming what is my mantra.  Someone on this thread said that women who keeps their father's surname are destined to be single or divorced.  I used Muslim women for example saying that they are married and have their father's surname.  Please read what I said and not what you think I said.  I will appreciate it if you do.

You are right, who cares so why are you getting pissy about it?  

emmatok:
So because some women choose to accept thier husbands surname, you are know labeling them as "properties" ode.

Are those women with so called Hyphenation better than the Clinton's, Obama s, e.t.c Vice versa.

All these stereotypes are counter productive. It is all about choice . .

ARRANT NON-SENSE.

You do not have to agree with it but there are women who believes they are properties so does the men who marries them.

Nothing you can do about it. It is done.

Be careful! You are going to be labeled a feministic woman when it should be misandrist woman because you hate men if you do not change your surname upon marriage.

We have beaten the dead horse fifteen pages long and different people saying the same shit and folks will do what they wants to do regardless.

Do what makes you happy and make sure your RELATIONSHIP is where it should be.

MzDarkSkin:
[color=black]Adamsrib, I like and respect you but I cannot get passed a contant thing with you where you ignore certain facts to gain brownie points.
there is no doubt that some women are extreme with their femenism but as Chima pointed out that is not hatred. Nobody on here as far as I know
on the female side, HATES MEN. We have fathers, brothers, sons, and men in our lives we call our other halves however we believe in sticking to the rule of nature which is ALL MEN AND WOMEN are created equal. Women are not property therefore we are not to be told what we SHOULD do just because we grw breeasts and have a crease between our legs   .

As I stated before I am not down with the name calling so I agree with you on that but before I try to call out my girls on here to appear 'cool and down' to the men, I have to set the record straight just as Ogugua did that calling women 'pea brained, brainless, destined to be single for the rest of our lives; etc' because we do not share their views is just as uncool as a woman calling men names. Mind you for every action there is a reaction, you can see the seeds to the blow out on the first page, insult for insult is what followed.

So don't come on here being one sided as you will see both sides are guilty of this misdeed. Furthermore I am glad you chose your hubby's name however it is just as fine if another woman refused to so long as the man is ok with with. It has nothing to do with hatred or pride but rather choice. You are not a Nigerian woman but and American married to a Nigerian man, you know how it is on our side in regards to the struggles women went through JUST TO HAVE THE ABILITY to even have such a conversation so please do not pretend like the name calling, as ignorant as it may be, came from no where. This is a controversial topic. I agree it can be toned down but let's adhere to the facts.[/color]

*excuse the typos.

There are women who believes that they are property because a man marries them don't forget that.  Just like some of the boys on the thread said that some people are just talking shit to talk shit one thing I despises the most is fake people. If you are going to say one thing behind the curtains, you need to be able to say it on front of the curtains.

For some people it more than just surnames and for the rest it all about surnames like it will make them any different then they were before they took the surname.

[quote author=D-sense link=topic=657963.msg8254324#msg8254324 date=1304460325]OP.

THe women are free to choose if to add their husbands' surname or to leave it.[/quote]Apparently it is feministic or "hatred" for men if a woman chooses to whether she wants her name to change or not.

Muslim men do not have an issue with their wives keeping their father's surnames why are Christian men supposedly having issues with that? They also thinks that everyone is religious which is beyond me.

There are people who do not follow any religion os the religion has no bearings on the ones who do not believe it. There are married couples who do not practice religion and some of them combine names and some of them hyphenate their names.

It falls back to WHY ARE YOU USPET about someone's keeping their surname or not? It seem like there are a lot of men and few women who are upset that people are keeping their surname and/or hyphenating their names. What is all that about? Hmm.

Just as a real man can get his points across intelligently without degrading women that disagrees with his points.  

Whether a woman accepts a man name or not there are people who will have different views on the name.  Muslim women are told that they can keep their father's surname and other women around the world can decides to keep their surname or not.  That is the beauty of Freedom of Choice.  

Feminism has nothing to do with hatred for men as Oguga points out it has a lot to do with women saying look we have a voice as well and it may not be what you wants to hear but it is what it is.  

That just like saying Chauvinists men don't like women but their are chauvinist husbands so again it has nothing to do with hatred.  

Misandry is hatred for men not Feminism.  Just like Misogyny is hatred for women and not Chauvinism.

Roland17:
very soon women would want to bear mr, sir.

There are women that do.  I am sure you heard of transexuals right?  

[quote author=omo_to_dun link=topic=657963.msg8254198#msg8254198 date=1304458374]@Princek12

Understand now. I feel uneasy revealing myself in this public place. Besides, there are few folks in Edo State who have my surname.[/quote](googling Omo online and pinpointing his address)

lastpage:
Someone said women are the most vile of God's creations!
I disagree though, l think they are the "smartest" but have since evolved to become something else!

Why should a woman change her name?
Why should she even bear her own fathers name, when she was growing up? Na by force?

All these "attachment" to men should be eradicated, abi na by force?

Women should bear their own personal name, like: My name is Miss Chichi or Titi.

Then when married, it should still remain 'Miss" Chichi or Titi!

In fact, women should stop asking for a marriage!

Who the heck are these men still "falling for marriage" farce? In 2011??

Just let women keep their names, let the men keep their marriages!
And everybody is happy! Chikenna!!

Except some women are willing to commit suicide, just to say "they are MARRIED"!

Hmmmnn.,.,, , case of wanting to eat your cake, and still have it

If the women are asking for marriage and the men are marrying them then that is not traditional.   If we are going to get technical with the word traditional and the men supposed to follow traditional ways then why marry a woman that is begging you to marry her?  

Which of these two is more pathetic, a woman begging the man to marry her or the man giving in to the begging woman?  

[quote author=omo_to_dun link=topic=657963.msg8254090#msg8254090 date=1304456866]@ MrsChima

Women do rock! 100%! After all a woman gave birth to me and I was partially raised by my grandmother, so I am grateful for all the love they showed and continue to show me.[/quote]Maybe the others will follow you.  

[quote author=omo_to_dun link=topic=657963.msg8254051#msg8254051 date=1304456356]@MrsChima

Whenever someone questions the logic of your statements by showing their contradictions, unverifiable assumptions, or inconsistencies, you resort to ad hominems. It clearly shows that you lack the intelligence to support your statements and cannot reasonably engage in an intellectual discourse. By the contra-positiveness of your previous statement, your father is not a high caliber man since your mother chose his surname. And folks who go to my school are known to be amongst the smartest individuals in the world. We have the statistics to prove that.[/quote]Sure if you say so.  So far the most tangible comments on this thread are from the womenfolks.  Women rocks.  

I have never said women who have hyphenated names are married to high caliber men.  I am going to say this one last time and you can continue twisting if you must.  I said there are thousands of MARRIED women around the world with hyphenated names and kept their father's surnames.  Thank God for high caliber men and there are hope for women yet.  

High caliber men do determine the quality of women base on her acceptance of his surname.  They have more important things to worry about than surnames.    Now twist that if you must.  They should have taught you in your school not to assume and read into things that aren't said.

[quote author=Ms. Potato link=topic=634417.msg8252208#msg8252208 date=1304434998]Mamken, so right on point (but however, some Nigerians really do make alot of money in another country. I know some) but however yes, you are right on point on that. The problem is they show off what they have in their country but truth be told they are suffering like poo in another country and it has given other Nigerians the wrong impression of a foreign country and when people like us warned them not to come, they took it offensively.[/quote]Many of them believes that life is much better on the other side than where they are so they will do whatever they have to do to make it to the other side only to realize that the grass isn't always greener on the other side.

Many of them commit such crimes or some of them honestly paved their way to the other side but however they do it to get to the other side will not change the fact that what you put out in the universe will come back to you ten fold.

I do not know how Katy86 baby daddy feels about her but I do know if I was to draw a pie chart the smallest pie is the amount of African men who travels outside of home for Love. I may be wrong or whatever but I tell the women always check for the citizenship cards before getting with them. I am not saying that all of them are crooked but let be real and know that too many of them are.

I warned one girl offline and she didn't believe me when I told her that the guy she was talking to crooked as hell now she is learning the hard way. Again, I am not saying all of them are like that but too many of them are crooked.

ogugua88:
I have no clue

I want to see where he's going with this.

Did you see someone said Chima is an AFrican American name from the slave trade. I fell on the floor!  That some funny poo!   

You can tell who didn't go to school at all.

ogugua88:
You didn't ask if my parents came from villages though. You asked if I came from a village. I did not. My parents did not come from villages either. My dad is from Anambra but was raised in a city in Benue State. My mom is from Delta but was raised in Lagos.

Girl, even if your family did come from the village what that got to do with your choice in changing your surname or not?   

Tosinville:
why some of you keep arguing with hypocrites like mrs.chima who can never use her husband's name? ask her how did she come up with Mrs.Chima then? is Chima an african-american name or did she take that name along with during slave trade?lol

LMAO@ Chima being an African American name. I see why Yorubas are jealous of Igbos!

It take a hypocrite to know one.

[quote author=omo_to_dun link=topic=657963.msg8253904#msg8253904 date=1304454442]@MrsChima

So if a married woman has an hyphenated surname or her father's, her husband must necessarily be high caliber. You need to sue whatever school you went to and demand your tuition in full.[/quote]If you sue whatever school you went to and demand your tuition in full so would I.    

Thank God for the remainder of high caliber men.  

dayokanu:
If a woman wants to keep her last name she shouldnt bother getting married or look for a guy who has the same last name as her

If a man bitching about last name changes he shouldn't bother getting married or look for a woman who has the same last name as him.  Marriage isn't about surnames.  By the way, it is too late thousands of MARRIED WOMEN hyphenated their names and Married muslim women kept their father's surnames.  

I dare you tell that to the Muslim community and see what they say.

[quote author=BABE! link=topic=657963.msg8253818#msg8253818 date=1304453261]Wait! Wetin you con take women for sef? You're sounding like women are sooooo desperate---pls!!!

Take it down a notch! [/quote]Look at the threads and see the men complaining about their wives cheating on them with other men and sleeping with their fathers. If women are so desperate then why are they having objections with the surnames if a desperate woman is going to change her name? Many of them are not married yet they are talking about women are desperate. Apparently not desperate enough to marry them.

Deep Sight:
That'a just the summary of the matter. The deepest feminist could still meet a man that sooooooo gets her that she would be excited. . . desperate even. . . to have his name.

On the other hand, even a woman who would normally take her man's name could meet a man who turns her off. . . or perhaps he is named Okworoforijimukupetwi . .  .LOL!

Chai

Chauvinists men are more desperate then feminist women.  Why are the men marrying trashy women and then talking about the women are desperate?   Chauvinist men are the one hurling insults because woman disagrees with them and then calls them old maids because they wouldn't kiss your arse.   You sound like you are upset with feminist women and a bit jealous because they have the balls to hurl insults back at you.  What's gives?

Tosinville:
Mrs.Eve Al-qaeda

You are still obsessing? Hmm. No wonder.

ogugua88:
Yes, I know. I've addressed that a million times already lol.

I'm not appreciating the comments coming from some people though. Tradition even though a lot of Nigerians are doing away with tradition, women have little brains, women have no sense. . .  I don't like hypocrites or people that have to make one feel inferior in order to get a point across. If they disagree they should just say so and give reason rather then belittling.

If you really wants to know how a man will treat you pay close attention to how he treats his mother.   What they do not realize is no matter what they say there are thousands of MARRIED WOMEN with hyphenated names and father's surnames.  Thank God such high caliber of men existing.  For those straight women there are hope after all.  Lesbians do not have to deal with the dumb shit.

Diligence:
If ain't willing to completely change your surname, pls remain single/unmarried or better still ask your mother!

Feel sorry for the woman that marries you. Good luck for her. She will need it!

I am glad Lesbians do not have to deal with stupid shit like that.

[quote author=omo_to_dun link=topic=657963.msg8252433#msg8252433 date=1304436948]LOL at Mrs. Chima, you wouldn't recognize sarcasm if it bit you in the backside. LOL. Of course your questions to my questions simply told me that you were avoiding the answers.

But isn't that what this discussion is all about? If we are not trying to figure out why, then all this discussion is moot, isn't it? You do know that this discourse entails asking questions, not just the ones that you like or the ones that you can answer. Earlier on , you gave a reason why most women are choosing to hold on to their last names: you explained that the laws are now favoring women more than it used to and that women have more choices than they used to. These answers I do agree with, but it seems hypocritical that you gave an answer to a question you claimed we shouldn't be asking in the first place. I would still like if you can answer my questions.[/quote]Apparently you didn't recognize sarcasm either.      Okay, this is becoming redundant and I like making money.  Adios.  

ogugua88:
No. If a girl is brought up with her mother's name, then she can keep her mother's maiden name. If she's brought up with her father's name, she can keep her father's name. There's nothing complicated about this at all lol.

I surprise myself o! Some have said women have no sense or little brains but they can't come up with one substantial reason besides "tradition" and "that's how it's supposed to be". Who be mumu

I'm off to school now. I'll probably have 14 pages to read when I get back lol

These are their answers and yet we are the one with "small brains" .  

It is traditional because the bible said when a woman and a man become one she must accept his surname.   There is nothing in the bible or even the Koran that states a woman becomes one with her husband by taking his surname and she is mandated to take his surname

I paid her dowry and fed her family two goats and some chickens she better take my surname or else. A wife is not for sale but a LovePeddler is.  

Which names would the kids answer to if the wife keep her surname?  If the wife does not have a problem with the kids bearing the husband's surname then your problem is solved.  DUh!

African women are brainwashed by the "Western society" and they can't think for themselves and must follow Western women.  It is interesting to see how you really view your own mothers. Bless the mothers' hearts.  How sad.

I will not allow my wife to keep her surname and if she does she is my partner and not my wife. She is neither your wife nor your partner.  She is your slave.   Slave masters do not allow their slaves to form opinions and express them with opposition.  

If my wife keeps her surname she will be doomed and won't see her children ever again.  If she changes her surname she will still be doomed and not see her children if she remains with an idiot like you

So again, these are supposedly "tangible" answers from the menfolk and remember women have "small brains" and these are their "tangible answers".   How sad and pathetic.  You can read all the bullshit when you come back but I wouldn't because it will be the same shit recycled and packaged differently.  

I have a paid job to do and have fun at school!  

[quote author=omo_to_dun link=topic=657963.msg8252335#msg8252335 date=1304436230]Thank you Mrs Chima. Your answers(*coughs* questions) to my questions were completely thoughtful and eye opening. Now I am much smarter than I was.[/quote]You are most certainly welcome.

Deep Sight:
Yes, please, Mrs Chima, please address this above.

And also this below -

If you are a true feminist, should you not insist on women keeping their MOTHER'S maiden names, and not their FATHER's names?

What say you?

Finally, you never really answered me on the one-family-one name issue from the point of view of societal identification of family units. Would you like your children to bear a diufferent surname from you? Do you think it would be apt for your children to each choose what surname they want to bear - yours or your husbands? Do you think it is apt for a wife/mother to be the only member of a family with a different surname?

Thanks again.

I answered the questions.  It is not what you wants to hear but it is my answers.  You can either accept it or you don't.   Oguga also answered the question as well but you seem to be riding on me though.  

Let me try this way maybe you will get it.   Surname are expendable.  It can be modified, edited, dissected, multiplied, and divided.  It is still a surname.  There are a lot of families ALL OVER THE WORLD with different surnames from each other.  If your fiance accept your surname and the girls marries another man she will have her husband's surname and when the family have a reunion guess what there would be many different surnames floating around at the reunion.

If you have five daughters and every last one of them accept their husband's surname and delete your surname they will not be recognized as Doe but as FI, Fee, Fo, Fum, and Fa.  Your family will still have different surnames.  Your grandchild will not be recognized as Doe, your great grandchild will not be recognized as Doe but Fa or Fum.

ogugua88:
I don't think some of you even know the meaning of marriage. If you did, you wouldn't be saying things like "if a woman truly loves her husband, she'll take his name", nor will you be mentioning that a man proposes, pays, dowries, impregnates her, etc. Impregnating a woman can take as short as two seconds, but carrying that child takes nine months. Nursing the child takes another how many months. Women play vital roles in the upbringing of a child. Sure, you marry her, then you demand cooking, cleaning, raising and nurturing of children, etc. If some of you want to base marriage and name-changing on who does more, then, unless you marry a girl who cannot conceive, you better be just as willing to take her name.

If there was equality in history, then men would take surnames just as much as women do, but because wives were considered possessions, women always took the name. Well, it's 2011. No possessiveness here. You can take a woman's last name and have unity in a family just as much as if the surname of a man is taken.

Damn!  (doing the electric slide)  The most tangible comments seem to be exuding from womenfolk.  Women rocks!  

[quote author=D-sense link=topic=657963.msg8252217#msg8252217 date=1304435056]Ogugua in the house . . .MOFOs get out!!!
concise and correct point. [/quote]Be careful Dsense! They will think you wants Oguga too because you agreed with her.

[quote author=omo_to_dun link=topic=657963.msg8252231#msg8252231 date=1304435252]Mrs Chima. I hear you. I think every couple should---and will---do anything that best suits their situation. However, this also raises another important question: if a couple have different last names, what last name will their prospective children bear? I would think that a woman who is adamant in taking her husband's last name would not take kindly to her children wholly identifying with the husband by choosing his last name. Of course this has been the norm for ages, but I'd like to know what feminists think? Assuming the couple are hyphenating, what should a couple with hyphenated last names do? For example Michael Nnamdi Chukwuemeka-Nwobodo weds Afolashade Omotara Oluwasegunfunmi-Oluwaremilekun. [/quote]What are chauvinists having issues with women who married to men that doesn't mind their wives hyphenating their name or keeping their father's surname? Why are we concern about what other people choose to do with their names?

It is not up to us to figure out why people do what they do the question remains why are YOU KEEPING or CHANGING your OWN surname?

chaircover:
I guess I must be in the minority here. I was practising my new surname signature long before we were married and I coudnt wait to change to his name.

This is my identity and I am happy with it. My own personal choice.

Good for you.  No one said you couldn't change your name.  We said women have a choice to change their name or not and you made it.  

You are still the same person even with a new surname.