₦airaland Forum

javalove:
In Islam. . .its not compulsory for a woman to change her last name. , only if she wishes. . .

She can retain hers and add her husbands' to it. . .


#Javalove. . .unless otherwise stated. . .!

That is why Muslim marriages last longer than Christian marriages.   They focuses on what important and not superficial.  Muslim wives seem to be happier with their muslim husbands.  

Hmm.

adconline:
Yes, she can. She must be more powerful than Hillary Clinton and Michelle Obama. BTW, she must come with a check handy  for the marriage as well.

Oprah Winfrey is more powerful and richer than Michelle Obama and Hillary Clinton.  Oprah Winfrey is  self made billionaire and did not DEPEND ON a husband for survival.  Hillary Clinton and Michelle Obama is nothing but first wives who HUSBANDS are both Presidents of United States of America.  IF they husbands weren't presidents they would be mere married women nothing more and nothing less. 

Nobody can top Oprah Winfrey and she is the HBIC!  Oprah Winfrey can get any man she wants including you.  

[quote author=omo_to_dun link=topic=657963.msg8252031#msg8252031 date=1304433368]To all those women saying that they would keep their names, I'd like to remind you those names are your fathers'; so whether you take your husband's name or your father's name, you will still end up with a man's name.[/quote]To many women, their father's surname is better anyways.

[quote author=D-sense link=topic=657963.msg8252061#msg8252061 date=1304433602]***Singing***
When you gonna wake up and grow some balls . . .  . . [/quote]   GBAM! 

Guess what? A woman accepting their surnames are their balls.

Dikyson:
@Mrs chima. You amaze me, I don't think i am flowing with you. Get this right, Gay and lesbianism are not what we are referring to as as husband &wife.They are simply partner of the same sex.

Exactly. You asked me about husbands and I am telling you lesbians do not have husbands. We call each other "wives".

My wife and I kept our surnames. We are cool.

Tosinville:
D-sense

Huh? u don chop efo, just because you wanna get mrs.chima now don make you lose your sense as a man.

Let me ask you a question, as any couple in your extended family ever have different surname before after their marriage?

Lesbians have relations with women.  We do not engage with men so Dsense wouldn't be "wanna" get with me.    Answer his question, does a woman having your surname makes you feel like a man?

[quote author=D-sense link=topic=657963.msg8251909#msg8251909 date=1304432132]You know my answer sweetie . . .Let the ignorant brothers drown,We are already looking for ways of getting rid of ragtags and MOFOs in that country [/quote]I understand but shouldn't they be more concern with the quality of the woman they are choosing rather than seeing if she has a "brain" to accept his surname?  

Lorena Bobbit accepted her husband's surname and bit off his third leg.   I guess the acceptance of surnames were more important than seeing if the woman lost screws in her head.  

Hmm.  I guess quality, decency, and substance is not for everybody.  Oh well.

Dikyson:
@Mrs Chima. legally partner and wife are recognised. But how will you feel if your husband refers to you as my partner (Miss or Ms chima + your surname) because you cannot answer Mrs chioma + your surname.
 What is the symbolic expression of the Bible ,That a man and a woman shall join together and they will be come one.Whereas the man is the head of the house. So, why 2 surname in a married home?

My wife and I decided to keep our surnames for legal reasons. I can't answer the husband part. My wife and I are both the head for we are not above or beneath each other. We are one mind, body, and soul.

My name is Mrs. Chima and her name is Mrs. Rokiatu. We are happy with our surnames and identities. God bless America.

[quote author=D-sense link=topic=657963.msg8251861#msg8251861 date=1304431629] [/quote]

Please tell me you looks for substance, quality, and decency in a woman and not her ability to accept or reject your surname?  Save your brothers, they are drowning.  

Dikyson:
It is simple a married woman who refuse to fully change her last name without hyphenation should be refer to as partner not wife in the public.

If the marriage is legal she is still a wife regardless if she changes her name or not.  Wives and husbands are partners as well.  

Deep Sight:
^^^ Thanks for the comment. But you did not specifically comment on the one-family-one-name issue?

Do you think its appopriate for only one member of a famil (the wife) to bear a totally different name from the rest of the family. Would you like to bear a different surname from your own children?

I already indicated to you that I prefer substance and not form, so I am actually quite okay with teh position yu advance: I merely wish to objectively address the issue I raised.

To repeat that issue: names are a societal fom of identification. A family is a societal unit. Should a family not bear the same surname as a form of societal identification - as that is the very essence of names. This is the argument I want you to objectively address. If we go the way you suggest then probably only the wife/mother would have a different name from the rest of her family - a name different from her husband and children. Do you think that is appropriate especially when we speak of a name as a societal means of identifaction for a family unit.

Thanks again.

My thoughts on the one family one name issue will not have any bearings on you.  It is not necessary when you are going to do as you chooses.  That is my point.  The surname is a surname nothing more nothing less.  If a woman does not choose her husband's surname will most likely keep her father's surname.  Society doesn't care if your name is Smith, JOJO, or BOO BOO the fool if you are not in the right societal group your "high royal" surname doesn't mean a thing.  

If your fiance was to remove her surname and accepted your surname would her life be any different?  Let be real.   Would she change the world for the better soon as she accept Mrs Deep Sight?  Is she exempt from being disrespected and judged harshly from Society?    No, she will deal with the same shit with or without your surname.   Surname doesn't provide security nor protection at all.  A bullet is a bullet.

Henrinquo:
@Mrs Chima, LOL, Mrs Chima is already married and bearing her hubands name, Chima Isnt a lady's name, or is she gonna bear the name Mrs Chima love machine, ROTFLMFAO

According to the Hater Inc, I am not married and I am a lesbian.  My lesbian wife is Rokiatu and she is a woman.    So who husband's surname I have accepted?  

Hey Rokiatu baby.  

Deep Sight:
@ Mrs Chima -

Please consider this comment, and kindly do revert.

I am shortly to be married and my fiancee has actually made a big deal about keeping her name. She has built a successful professional career as a lawyer and she feels that putting aside her name would destroy the professional identity that she has built. I understand that.

I believe in substance and not form, and for this reason I never place major stock by outward appearances or such things as mere names.

Nonetheless I also believe very much in family Identity. Let me explain: and please be open minded.

The entire concept of a name is a societal means of identification. If there was only one human being on the planet he would not need a name as there would be no one to identify him by the name. Thus a name is a means for societal identification.

A family is a societal unit.

A family name is the name by which the societal unit called a family is identified as one unit.

When a man and woman marry, they become one family.

Thus, it makes sense to me that they should bear one name.

Now, I am not particular about which name it is .

But It does make sense that they should bear one name.

We are thus considering a hyphenated name for her which drops the first part of my own already hyphenated surname. My issue with is is that as a family we will not have one name. The mother of my children will bear a different name from her own children. Although I already said I am into substance and not form, when I consider the issue of societal identification as a family unit (which is the exact purpose of a name), I am not comfortable with that.

What say you?

Good for you that you found a woman that doesn't have an issue with accepting your surname. What that has to do with other women that have already hyphenated their names or father's surname? Nothing. What your fiance chose to do has no bearing on what other women chooses to do.

You said that you fiance was adamant about keeping her surname and may decides to accept your surname if so she doesn't want to hear the cries any more and trying to deal with the headaches. That is not good if she throwing in the towel, you would wants her to accept your surname with joy and not with contempts.

Look at the threads again, I am not the only one advocating Freedom of choice.

No matter how many men protests that they will not accept their women if they can get and keep one maintaining their surname, women all over the world are keeping their father's surname and/or hyphenating their surnames.

JUO:
no issue

It shouldn't be. One should pray they are dealing with decent men or women and having the same surname surely will not prevent stupidity on both side either.

naijangel7:
Hmmmm i wonder why this topic got so heated up that people are even name-calling and fussing and fighting. It's an individual choice dependent on the couple, i know a man whose kids bear a hyphenated surname: their mum's name and his own name as one name. The wife still bears her father's name too. It's all about reaching an understanding and personal choice. It varies from couple to couple. It's not a big deal that should lead to insults. people need to lighten up on NL. NL's just for recreation, i don't think it's the main thing in anybody's life!

where i come from sef, till the day you die as a woman, you would be referred to as "the daughter of so and so person". So whether you change your name or not, traditionally, you're always referred to as "the daughter of so and so". I visited my maternal home with my mother when she was about 50 years old and all the people who came to greet her kept repeating "Ah! you're welcome Ama (not real name), daughter of ----"

Bottom line, it's up to the couple. There's no right or wrong way to go about it. If a woman loves her man and he wants her to bear his name, i don't think it's a huge sacrifice if she does that. A man could also think it's not a big deal if his wife bears his name coupled with her dad's as a hyphenated name. Every man to his own.

That is the bottom line.  If a man doesn't have an issue with his WIFE hyphenating her name then why are the other single men having an issue with it?   Oguga said it best if surnames are that important to you then pick a woman that doesn't have an issue accepting the surname.  It is not complicated.  Every man has different levels of what is important to them and clearly to the immature the accepting of surnames determine whether a woman gets married or not.  You would think compatibility of mind, body, and soul would be the determining factors IN THIS CASE apparently not. How sad. No wonder spousal cheating is on the rise.

Real men knows when to get a job before worrying about surnames.  The bitchiest men are the most jealous of them all especially when they can't control anyone.  Real men do not naughty woman about surnames and wouldn't be threatened by vocal women at all.

SA Lady:
What you say is very true, but unfortunately women have lacked the back bone to say NOOOO!  to a cheating partner. Its gotten to a point where I cant blame men anymore. Women are to be blamed because we allowed it. I know for a fact that if the girl was the one who had cheated, guy would not have any second thoughts about giving her the boot. Men are very proud and assertive beings, which are the qualities that us women lack immensely.

All I am saying is that if she decides to carry on with the wedding/marriage I wont judge her.

I agree. Insecure women will allow that and turn the other cheek because that what they feels they deserve. Sad though.

tredkiller:
Naija women and their little nrains! A woman who refuses to take her husband last name has a total disregard for matrimony and would be ready to break up the marriage at any slightest problem or argument. She is a free woman and single. Whay will be her title; Mrs, Miss, Ms or Madam? Followed by her maiden name. I will never allow any woman to hyphenate or dilute my name. What God has joined together should be one.

I see you picking scriptures that best suits you huh? It has nothing to do with surnames. If you are not with a woman fully MIND, BODY, AND SOUL then you are not one.

Just like Oguga said pick a woman that wants your bleeped up surname. It is that simple.

Yay! Glitterpants finally leaving USA (if the nigga is in USA)

[size=22pt]Go home visitor! [/size]

rokiatu:
[size=2pt]Why did you tell him abt this?[/size]

Wumine:
i dont think its compulsory for a lady to change her surname after marrige, if she wants, fine; if not, fine!
infact i like my northern sisters style, no change of name after marriage, so when d guy says 'i divorce u x 3' there will be no running back to the court for 're-change' of name. really how many times will she have to do that when she might probably pass through an average of 4 husbands in her lifetime?! **just saying**

I take it they are muslims right?  A friend of mine who is Muslim and she took both her father and husband's name.  I asked her why not take her husband's name solely she responded that she would have disgraced her father if she didn't.  I was like oh!

ogugua88:
From what I've read online from women that have changed their names, it's usually for simplicity issues. All of them want to have the same name so that there are no bumps in legal documents. For some it's a sense of unity. For some it's because of tradition. Some women have taken their husbands' surname because two become one under marriage, but at the same time, a man taking a woman's surname should not be an issue. Some took it just because. Some for professional reasons as aforementioned.

Statistics will tell you that a majority of women take their husbands' surname but it rarely will tell you why lol. That's why reading their responses can be eye-opening. One would assume that it was due to tradition or unconditional love for their husbands. Those two things were rarely mentioned unless they were being discussed adversely.

You are exactly right many of the women will tell you they took their husband's name to avoid drama and crying fits from so called grown men.  It is RARE to hear a woman say I did it because I love my husband or his name.   One lady told me that she was given an ultimatum from a nigga that told her she either going to choose his last name or she will never see her children again.  I will refrain giving the region they are living currently and here is a hint they are not in the "West" as simps on here calls it.  

She took his last name because she wanted to be with her children and it had to do with LOVE she has for her CHILDREN and not the simp she married.  That is pathetic.

wizsultan:
lemme sleep round 2 jare as i don confirm say ma babe no even like her surname ,
_{b4 we know wat to do}
office dey today,  

God forbid she decides not to take your surname and the stock value of Tampax will surely soar.  

orbaxy:
hypernations? no long thing! No be nairaland again?
when the time comes we shall see

It is still early evening on my side of the world.  It is almost morning time where the roaches are at.  Jobless people can stay up all day and night worrying about other people like jealous roaches.

wizsultan:
Guy!!!
abeg free these babes,
na u dey give them power,
or u wan make your woman retain her last  name?
na wa 4 u sef,
which kind advice u dey give them,
these babes don too open eye pass your advice,
u kno wat i mean na

What advice can a broke hungry arse nigga can give me?  I already know how to be broke and hungry I don't need to learn that.   All I see is a biatch arse nigga crying because he can't get a woman to agree with his dumb arse.  How pathetic.

Not all that Glitters are gold!!

Not all women that wear skirt and carry wig are WOMEN OOH!!  



This broke nigga speaking from personal experience and not all males with a penis and apple adams are men ooh!  

Real men obtain a job and do not ask women for assistance.

9jaHokie:
I have only read 2 pages of these thread, but i catch the drift. this reply however goes out to 2 ladies specifically. Mrs Chima and MzDarkSkin. I will be remiss if i dont mention how surprised i am an both of you's level of ignorance, but culturally and spiritually. but then again, you are feminists, so thats not much of a surprise. The idea of a woman taking up a man's last name wasn't created by chauvinists, as u feminists like to claim every time. but once again, im not surprised that you call any man willing to be a true man a chauvinist, its literally the 1st rule of feminism.

in any case, to address the topic at hand. The institution of marriage was created to bring a man and a woman together to become one. singular. not hyphenated or 2. this idea was transferred symbolically into the changing of the last name. so why on earth was it the man's name that stayed? well lets see, who's house does the woman move into? who initiates the marriage proposal? well im sure u probably dont agree with either of those points mainly because, well thanks to western civilization, women have now taken up even those aspects of dating and relationships. but thats wateva.

now to the religious. I personally believe you made the greatest mistake by bringing God into this because i have never seen a book more direct on the role of men and women than the Bible. the Bible is completely against everything you, as a feminist, stands for. First of all,  Matt 19: 4-7 clearly explains the union between a man and a woman as coming together to become one. I dont see any better way to show this than having the same lastname. but im sure u have a better idea.
Also, 1 corinthians 11 states in full detail how the creation of the woman was for the man, and the head of the woman is the man. so why shudnt she change her last name to that of her head?
well thats up to you to discuss.
last but not least, that your father's last name that you want to keep, didnt your mother have to give up hers to take his? why not go take you mothers last name then?

and please, dont emphasize your ignorance by pointing out some grammatical flaws in my post. thanx

Please accept my inability to absorb spoonfed ramblings.  You had to created a new account today to tell Mrs. Chima, who have stated didn't give a bleep about you and yours.  I feel good knowing I get under limp dicks skin.  It is a skill that I am definitely proud of. 

A woman who is muslim stated on this very thread that Muslim women keeps their fathers surname and I responded cool because it is their culture. 

A Nigerian woman stated on this thread that she would like to keep her surname because it is cool and she likes it.  I responded as long as it makes you happy there is nothing wrong with it.

A Nigerian woman stated on this thread that there are no laws nor sins preventing women from changing their names unless it is by force which is sad. 

A Nigerian woman stated on this thread if a man doesn't feel that his wife's name is not worthy to accept then the wife shouldn't have to accept his. 

A Nigerian woman stated on this thread that she is not surprised a man created this thread and such travesty is the death of her people. 

A Jamo woman stated on this thread that she will keep her late father name because of personal reasons and it is her choice. 

A Black woman stated on this thread that if a woman wants to keep her name she can, if she wants to hyphenate her name she can, and if she wants to accept her husband's surname she can as long as IT IS HER CHOICE.  Not because of some sorry arsed ultimatum from a nigga who can't wipe his arse thoroughly without leaving crumbs on his fruit of loon thong.

Now tell me where in this threads have I, Mrs. Chima stated AGAINST the bible, culture, and pure hogwart limp dicks that a woman SHOULDN'T CHANGE her last name?  You can't because you possesses 47 chromosomes and instead of creating alternate account to waste your time on someone who clearly don't give a bleep about you, you should have done something productive like feed some children or find cure to HIV infections so your brothers can stop despoiling innocent virgin babies thinking it will cure their dumb asses.

Too many men need to focuses on getting a job and supporting themselves beside worrying about a name change cos a sensible chick wouldn't dare say I do a broke arse nigga who can't even afford chips. 

Too many of them over the age of 21 still staying with their MOTHERS and shouting about women need to adhere to the name change. 

Too many of them do not have a job nor steady income let along to even afford a ghetto wedding and shouting about women need to adhere to the name change. 

To many of them are dumb as bleep and don't know the different between their elbows and asscheeks and shouting about women need to adhere to the name change. 


Get a job, maintain income, get out of your mother's house/hut, and gain wisdom of life before you approach a woman then maybe she will consider accepting your bleeped up sounding names. 

If the woman's name is not bleeped up why would she wants to change her name to a name that sound like level five contagious disease? Imagine those kids in school been told they have to go through Hazmat therapy just to eat some damn cheetos at school.

MeGaStReEt:
Some women dey find husband with all body, them never see, even if its just to answer their surname, common shoe maker dem never see. Now some 22 years olds are talking rub-ish about changing or not changing their name, claiming what they are not,lol. When time reach we go know who suppose change name and who no go change name.  Some gurls worship their bf, not to talk of husband, but they will come here, (becuase we no dey see them) and start deceiving their fellow weak minded NL's. Very soon breeze go blow . . .

You said the key word: Some.

Some men are gay.
Some men are jobless.
Some men are stupid.
Some men are HIV infected.
Some men are liars.

Now some doesn't represent all.  

[size=22pt]Some men have brains and balls to know the different between what is important and what is not.  Too bad I can't say that for the other some  [/size]

sleekman:
Women and power. Na wa O! Anyways as long as the women out populate the men in Nigeria it will definitely be a man's world.

And that is the very reason why too many Nigerian women fleeing to the WHITE MEN and not turning back.   I wouldn't blame them.  

MzDarkSkin:
[color=#0066ff]I am NOT married and DAMN proud to be western. Wouldn't change my western roots for ANYTHING.
My choice to keep my name is personal and it is a decision that is to be made by me as it is MY choice.
Luckily some men are open-minded enough to see that it is not the name that matters but the LOVE, TRUST, AND FIDELITY that is what makes the marriage. Any man who want to push the idea that his wife MUST take on his name is not only a chauvinist but he is also possessive and it is HE who is not yet ready to get married.

Whether you are western or African the fact still remains that marriage is just an institution to IDENTIFY. Not even the ceremony nor the rings are necessary in God's eye as love has no monetary or physical value. It is how the two conduct themselves as individuals united under God that matters, not some bloodclot name!

My father's name will stay or be hyphenated. End of story.[/color]

Many of them do not even know how to spell God let alone know who HE IS.  Those who never knew love growing up would place superficial value on what is more important to them such as a name change.  What's funny a ho arse nigga said if a woman respects her husband she will take his name but an African woman escaped with a white man to another country just to tell her African husband that she doesn't love him nor never respected him.  

LMAO@name change will keep people from disrespecting and cheating on each other  

ogugua88:
This is all coming down to worth. If a woman is not worthy of keeping her father's name, a man shouldn't be worthy either. All I want is someone to concur. There is no difference between a 38-45 year old lady with no job, husband, or children and a 38-45 year old man with no job, wife, or children. If that woman isn't worthy of taking a man's name, then a man shouldn't be worthy of keeping his father's name. Both are shaming someone. Like I said, in this society, men have too much security.

Exactly. He said he stands firm like we give a Bleep and he is thinking he will stop women from choosing which names they will use. Someone said they will stop homosexuality and now gay people can legally married in some states like California and a few others. I would like to see limp dicks stop women from choosing to hyphenate their names.