₦airaland Forum

Iyaebe:
I don’t even know what to say but this is a one sided story,you were good, responsible and all that and your wife still fell out of love for you? Obviously there’s something you are not telling us.

The only thing I did wrong like shouting at her misbehaviours which she did not display prior to our marriage and not wanting her to be keeping singles who are not responsible as friends. That's all. What other wrong. Pls believe me that this might be spiritual or negative influence from secret friends. I need to have my sanity pls.

Dear Nairalanders,

I have done all I could do to please my wife and make her happy in this life but she seems not to have feelings and love for me anymore. Her parents have made it clear to her to stay put in the marriage, the priest in the church has also advised her but she seems to be influenced by friend and maybe other factors unknown to me.

She separated from me sometimes but later came back on her own with our kids. I thought she has had a change of heart to make the marriage work but all I am seeing is attitude tof hers that tries to frustrate my efforts towards making the marriage work and make me unhappy.

Know I have decided to let her go back to her parents at least for some time to help me have my sanity, although before now I have told her parents we will be visiting for easter so I will use the opportunity to let her spend some time in her parents house, but am surprised her mother called recently to inform me she (mother) will be visiting.

At this juncture, what do I do? Do I still send or take her to her parents at least for my sanity to be restored because she seems to be doing anything that will displeased me ( no communication, no intimacy for months, not keeping the house tidy no moral support to and from my work place, disrespectful, insults and pompousity).

Or do I wait for her mother to visit first because these issues mentioned have been recurring and i dont know what her mother can do at this time.

Already when i entered my wifes room, she had already packed her belongings and our daughters belonging in readiness to leave because I had already told her she will need to go home for some time.

Please what best advise can I get here so I wont make a mistake I will regret,thanks.

baby124:
Thank God you listened to my advice and did not carry your siblings there. It’s better to carry a much older and impartial or respected relative who you confide in. You were also honest this time about the role you played in the breakdown of your marriage. It also turned out she has not been unfaithful. See ya life?

Anyway, goodluck to you both. Try to act more mature and seek correct guidance and mentorship in handling your home. Get a man who has a stable home and fear of God to help you navigate this marriage course because it’s obvious that you need guidance.

The energy you use on womanizing, use it to create wealth. So that by the time you are fully united with your family, things will be a bit comfortable. Use this time she’s busy with school to hustle. When they are back home they will need more of your time and attention.

Thanks a lot.

Thanks your post is worthwhile.

Illuminated993:
You are a weak man. The girl has you where she wants you. I really feel like serving it to you hot but, it's not worth it, you still won't learn. During my own episode, even though I was vulnerable, I still wasn't as weak as you are.

have done the best within my capacity before God and man( fair play). However my mind is at a neutral gear now waiting for the best or worst.
I only broke down because my own wrongs I have even forgotten were brought out to me,and I don't need any curse in my life since we are in the church,I had to apologise.Whether we marry now or not is not my desperation. But the way things played out have shown and will still prove am genuine.Left for her but am on the look

[quote author=Illuminated993 post=82710791]You are a weak man. The girl has you where she wants you. I really feel like serving it to you hot but, it's not worth it, you still won't learn. During my own episode, even though I was vulnerable, I still wasn't as weak as you are. [/quote

I have done the best within my capacity before God and man( fair play). However my mind is at a neutral gear now waiting for the best or worst.
I only broke down because my own wrongs I have even forgotten were brought out to me,and I don't need any curse in my life since we are in the church,I had to apologise.Whether we marry now or not is not my desperation. But the way things played out have shown and will still prove am genuine.Left for her but am on the look.

Tokziby:
Oga but u didn't expantiate on ur own faults too. You only told us u wronged her and she forgave u.

My own take on this is; u are the one with the shoe and u know where it pinches. I can't tell u to leave her or accept their apologies. A man has to be bold enough to take responsibility of his action or inaction. You had ur own faults too and she paid u back in ur own coin. Also remember u've taken a life(abortion) whatever consequences that comes out of it, accept it faithfully cos u'll reap what u sow.

Best of luck in ur marriage and don't for once stop reporting any of her actions u can't control.

Remember this; a woman does not take the decision of divorce or break relationship in a day, it's a decision they have been nursing for a while and only looking for an excuse to take action.
Hence don't believe it's ended there. keep a tab on every of her moves before u tie the knot completely, a Leopard never changes its spot they only camouflage with the forest.
Pretence is the number one weapon of every woman use to deceive men.
Be on the lookout bro. it doesn't end there.

I hear you sir,despite every thing am still on a neutral gear waiting for the best or worse,I will only play my part and leave the rest for God.

frozen70:
You tried so much for the peace talk that lead to reconciliation

Pls bring them back to your home to save excess bills

God will give you directions on how to handle your family

Marriage is a very big task and you won't know until you have challenges

Every home havea challenge but the ability to handle it is what makes yours best

Weldone

Women are the most complex being to deal with but then you can't avoid them

Let peace reign in your heart

Thanks Frozen,women are not really easy to handle when challenges comes no matter the love.Sincerely am waiting for her to finish her final year exams then they are back to my house.

healthserve:
I got worried and have been waiting for the outcome since yesterday. Rest assured there's always chance for reconciliation in any marriage no matter how bad the issues are if both parties would be willing to be vulnerable to one another , open, honest and discuss eye to eye

You are very correct sir.

Please push the update above,thanks


Cc
Lalasticlala
Seun
Mynd44
Dominique
Obinoscopy

healthserve:
Wow Op


Very well. Perfect way to go about. When we all come to the tables with open hearts and minds,which gives room for pouring of hearts,healing and reconciliation. I'm a firm believer of couples reconciling over divorce any day or time.

Health serve thanks for following up on me,Godbless you.

Thanks all for all your support,prayers and counsel,like I did promised I will update the house. We had the meeting inside the church as decided by her parents.after prayers the father asked what is my complaint,I told him exactly what I wrote in my initial post which you all read.The dad asked her if what I said is true she accepted it to be true but also at the same time said I like painting things to suit myself so that people will support me,after saying all I said I then said am done with her too since she first said she is done with me in my initial post. Immediately I said that I then said I will like to take my child.it was at this juncture the dad said I will take my daughter but not now,while the mum said its not possible for me to take her.The mum and dad then started to recant all the abortions and randy(womanizing behaviour),and some negative attitudes I had put up with their daughter which their daughter opened up to them on with tears rolling down the eyes of her parents,herself and myself.It was at this juncture I discovered that being inside church I have done a lot harm to the little girl all these years we have been dating unknowingly to me,my eyes became clear that I knelt down and started to ask God and herself and her parents for forgiveness.They then forgave me and prayed for me and their daughter.After which they asked her if she is still interested in me,she said yes,but that she expected me to keep apologising to her even after she said she is done with me.She also said that if we are to continue I must prove to her by my love and character that we need to start afresh again so as to convince her.The parents then urge her to forgive me and forget that a new beginning and chapter has opened now that as for me I should show am serious by completing marital stuff. After which we prayed and left.
The following morning being sunday,I was called by her Parents in their house it was at this point the scolded their daughter concerning all my complaints,they ask her to be going to church,dress moderately avoid trousers and influence her friends positively instead of allowing her friends influence her negatively.She then agreed to adjust in her ways. Before I left I then asked her once again if she is still interested she said yes and that God is her witness that since she met me she has never slept with any other man.Her parents still asked her the same question if she is still interested she said yes but I would need to build the love I killed in her heart once again.It was at this point the parents then said its a gradual healing process,that what is most important now is for me to show how serious I am by completing the marital stuff.it was at this point I brought out my daughter school fees and other money for their upkeep and gave to her,I then went out to buy other provisions and foodstuff they needed and drove them back to their base.on reaching their base she said I should not bother carrying things upstairs for them that she would call me on phone,that if I insist to carry I can still do so.At this point I didn't bother but drove off to my own base.Later in the evening her parents called me to thank me for all I bought and for the care shown I thanked them back,before I slept their daughter called me to say she just wanted to check on me to know how am doing I said am fine.She also ask me to help subscribe their gotv which I did.
Then this morning I called them to know how they are doing.This afternoon she called to tell me she is done with school for today and going to pay my little daughters fees in her school that some little more money will be needed since she is going to a new class.which I promised her I would send later. House this is how I went.
Did I do well? I stand to be corrected or advised Pls note her parents shed tears cos of the ways I have handled her and all the delay in the marriage stuff yet they were believing in me,that was why I had to apologise knowing fully well we are in Gods presence.And she too said she has forgiven me. Thanks all for anticipated inputs


Cc
Dominique
Seun
Mynd44
Fynestboi

frozen70:
The truth is tgat she is fed up with the relationship and marriage

Her expectations weren't gotten

You are lucky she is showing you the red light at this early stage

Go with her to her family and if they are playing smart on you, just ask her before her parents if she is done with you and if she says yes, just make sure her parents heard what she said and stand up and take your leave

Forget about what people will say, that's nit your concern, your concern should be how to plan and move on

But if you feel that you can't let her go and you ate willing to tolerate anything she does to you, then deal with it

Thanks all for all your support,prayers and counsel,like I did promised I will update the house. We had the meeting inside the church as decided by her parents.after prayers the father asked what is my complaint,I told him exactly what I wrote in my initial post which you all read.The dad asked her if what I said is true she accepted it to be true but also at the same time said I like painting things to suit myself so that people will support me,after saying all I said I then said am done with her too since she first said she is done with me in my initial post. Immediately I said that I then said I will like to take my child.it was at this juncture the dad said I will take my daughter but not now,while the mum said its not possible for me to take her.The mum and dad then started to recant all the abortions and randy(womanizing behaviour),and some negative attitudes I had put up with their daughter which their daughter opened up to them on with tears rolling down the eyes of her parents,herself and myself.It was at this juncture I discovered that being inside church I have done a lot harm to the little girl all these years we have been dating unknowingly to me,my eyes became clear that I knelt down and started to ask God and herself and her parents for forgiveness.They then forgave me and prayed for me and their daughter.After which they asked her if she is still interested in me,she said yes,but that she expected me to keep apologising to her even after she said she is done with me.She also said that if we are to continue I must prove to her by my love and character that we need to start afresh again so as to convince her.The parents then urge her to forgive me and forget that a new beginning and chapter has opened now that as for me I should show am serious by completing marital stuff. After which we prayed and left.
The following morning being sunday,I was called by her Parents in their house it was at this point the scolded their daughter concerning all my complaints,they ask her to be going to church,dress moderately avoid trousers and influence her friends positively instead of allowing her friends influence her negatively.She then agreed to adjust in her ways. Before I left I then asked her once again if she is still interested she said yes and that God is her witness that since she met me she has never slept with any other man.Her parents still asked her the same question if she is still interested she said yes but I would need to build the love I killed in her heart once again.It was at this point the parents then said its a gradual healing process,that what is most important now is for me to show how serious I am by completing the marital stuff.it was at this point I brought out my daughter school fees and other money for their upkeep and gave to her,I then went out to buy other provisions and foodstuff they needed and drove them back to their base.on reaching their base she said I should not bother carrying things upstairs for them that she would call me on phone,that if I insist to carry I can still do so.At this point I didn't bother but drove off to my own base.Later in the evening her parents called me to thank me for all I bought and for the care shown I thanked them back,before I slept their daughter called me to say she just wanted to check on me to know how am doing I said am fine.She also ask me to help subscribe their gotv which I did.
Then this morning I called them to know how they are doing.This afternoon she called to tell me she is done with school for today and going to pay my little daughters fees in her school that some little more money will be needed since she is going to a new class.which I promised her I would send later. House this is how I went.
Did I do well? I stand to be corrected or advised Pls note her parents shed tears cos of the ways I have handled her and all the delay in the marriage stuff yet they were believing in me,that was why I had to apologise knowing fully well we are in Gods presence.And she too said she has forgiven me. Thanks all for anticipated inputs.

faithfull18:
Amebo.

I shall update the house soonest please.

healthserve:
We wish you well.
Be open minded and free spirited.

Thanks Health serve my man.

healthserve:
Where do all these evil stories come from for the devil's sakes. I'm beginning to see this as an assault against the psyche of not yet married to have a biased mind towards marriage. In just one week, we've had over ten trillion marital issues over the cyberspace. Jeez.

Sincerely Health serve,there is an onslaught somewhere, all these are not ordinary.

binarymachine:
Love is very exciting and passionate. It creates very pleasant and unforgettable memories, some of which you hold dear long after breakup. When you fall in love and the love is reciprocated it feels so good and with that intense feeling you go into a relationship with your love interest, then it feels like you are flying without wings. The attention, the gifts, the companionship, the care, the intimacy and the feeling that the future belongs to you both completely overwhelms you. With these feelings, paradise is never so near.

You then begin to invest your time, you make serious efforts go see it grow, you make sacrifices, some of which you wouldn’t believe you did after breakup. You invest your emotions to the maximum in a bid to nourish the tender love. At this point, financial investment is inevitable, nothing beats buying that expensive article for the one you love, going out on expensive dates and giving them money to solve their personal or financial problems. You put in your all for the love to grow, after all you will be spending a lifetime with them right?

Sometimes however, things don’t go exactly as planned. Sometimes it’s your fault, sometimes it theirs, other times it’s bad timing and sometimes it’s just life, not all is meant to work out. But the burden and disappointments of a failed love is never easy especially after putting in all the work, making sacrifices and taking blind risks. The thought of having to let go is very painful and demoralising. You cry, regret, flog yourself for either not doing enough or doing too much, then you fall into depression, remembering all the good times you shared. No! You just can’t let go, not after all these years. You make efforts to rekindle the love and you are again rejected, you feel your world is crashing and you can’t do anything about it.

The whole process of loving and breaking up is very exhausting and that is why you can’t seem to come to terms with it. Losing out after putting in much work is never easy, the emotional devastation is unbearable.

You have to know that what is dead is dead and there is nothing you can do about it. In life shit happens. Irrespective of whose fault it is, let go. You are stronger and even bigger that it. One deception your heart feeds you is that you can never forget that person, it is a big lie, give it time, carry on with your normal life, be with your friends and family. Slowly you will see that you can live without them. The only thing you can’t live without in life is oxygen. Don’t forget to be around the people that makes you happy and talk to them about your pain, you will heal faster that way.

Never try to revive a dead relationship or beg someone to keep loving you, that is even more painful and can lead to depression if you are rejected again. Move on and try out other things and who knows, your soulmate may be waiting patiently for you around the corner.

Source: http://flipmemes.com/2019/09/14/when-its-over-let-go-dont/

You are just too much,as if you know what am going through.After the girl said she has no feelings for me again.I am only responding to the meeting called by her dad as a last respect and because of my little daughter.I gat nothing to do with her again.

akpoguma1989:
you are right, my girlfriend has been with me from when I had nothing that is why I cannot even think of leaving her, this one came in period of abundance and I am not sure she would be with me without the money, but the problem is that her beauty and romantic nature is what confuses me, her beauty is out of this world
My girlfriend is not that romantic but she is a very good cook and has that motherly nature, my sister I am confused

Forget what you are seeing as beauty now,when she shows you the other side of her you get dilapidated by force.your brain knows the real one to choose but your heart is just deceiving you.

nogragra:
Trust God that all you lost will come back. Please note that God is not a magician, His time is always the best have faith and it will be well with you.

Amen!!!!!!!,Thanks nogragra

healthserve:
Update thus thread with the turnout of events after the meeting. Out up your coolest face and attitude before/during the meeting.

Thanks health serve I will do my best by the Grace of God.

mp3ree:
Op, another action you should take is stop calling her or asking after her,dont chat her,DONT ever send money to her again anything you want to do for your kid that involves money make sure you go there to confirm or pay to the recipients account .DONT ever pay money to her account again.
If you are the one paying her school fees and other accessories stop forthwith,the parents are aware of everything ,they just wanted you to finish paying her school fees ,later they will tell you they cannot force their daughter marry who she does not like.

My best advice is to tell them you are no more interested in the marriage, you will be surprised by your girl reaction,as long as you keep pleading she would continue misbehaving,if possible you should call her or text her and tell you are no more interested in the marriage ,then lock up and be unavailable for comments and peace talks

Thanks Mpree your counsels are well received.

mp3ree:
Op, another action you should take is stop calling her or asking after her,dont chat her,DONT ever send money to her again anything you want to do for your kid that involves money make sure you go there to confirm or pay to the recipients account .DONT ever pay money to her account again.
If you are the one paying her school fees and other accessories stop forthwith,the parents are aware of everything ,they just wanted you to finish paying her school fees ,later they will tell you they cannot force their daughter marry who she does not like.

My best advice is to tell them you are no more interested in the marriage, you will be surprised by your girl reaction,as long as you keep pleading she would continue misbehaving,if possible you should call her or text her and tell you are no more interested in the marriage ,then lock up and be unavailable for comments and peace talks

Thank you mpree am done too,am only attending the meeting this weekend for the sake of my little daughter cos I must carry her away the current friends I find her mum with are not good for my little girl.Thanks Mpree.

maasoap:
I'm very much happy to hear this because I know it is very difficult to just move on like that, most especially that it has gone beyond boyfriend/girlfriend or fiancée/fiance of a thing. I had been there, most especially if the man is not the type that can easily hook up with another girl/woman. You just have to brace up and put an end to this kind misery of a relationship.
My thread about my ordeal was shared here, you may be interested in going through it, it could be an inspiration

https://www.nairaland.com/773161/how-tell-im-getting-married#9260613

Now, I had been married for 8 years to the same girl I was talking about in that thread, the one I met when she quit. With children and other blessings

Thanks its so inspiring.

djon78:
Wahala
Trouble
Nsogbu uwa

I truly feel for you. Chei
You married a mean woman without any feelings for you.
Didn't you see signs during courtship?
I don't even know what to tell you
But may God comfort you, give you the wisdom to overcome this trial and wipe away your tears.

It is well with you bro

Amen!!!

comodo:
If have lost a woman's heart, you have lost her. My candid advice bro. Just move on, she is only seeing a black spot on a gem. There is someone out there that Will see only the gem. Wish her well and move on. Don't look back cos she will come in later as a distraction. Thank me later.

@Comodo I salute you and I believe you.

Omar09:
I'm afraid you are insane. How many times will he apologize? Even God forgives, then who is she? One thing I hate particularly about you women is you all are the same one and ten pence. What do you mean he should change? He already asked for forgiveness doesn't that alone say he's already changed and he does love her no matter what? You are typically insane.


To @op, leave the bitch, look for a younger girl who loves you for you. Plus there's no such thing as love. Look for a wife and a mother who can give your kids home training. Tankio

Thanks Omar

nogragra:
I know you've expended a lot (financial, time, energy...what have you) into this relationship. Trust me, this is to your advantage that you need to move on. Next time you're looking for a wife, approach the Almighty God in prayer first before you take any step as that is the only way you can never go wrong. God always give a woman this inordinate behaviour if they are not meant for you so that you can see and be wise. My five cents.

Thanks I receive your five cent.

maxiuc:
No insult but let me insult you small

You be mumu

Dem never tell you sey you be mumu

Don't go back to that her don't allow her parents to sweet mouth you oooooo

Her parents knows exactly what they are selling to you,

Retreat op bad market I repeat bad market

Maxiuc you speak like a Prophet,her Parents are aware that's why the dad gets furious at her so that she will not spoil market for them before I finally tie the knot at my own peril.I don retreat already,am only going for the meeting for the sake of my little girl whom I love so much cos she doesn't joke with me too.

francdec4:
May I ask so do you suggest guys give up immediately a lady says she is not interested in a relationship or marriage or try to win her in a more responsible way. Just an opinion.

I did not give up that was even why I woke her up at midnight to talk with her one on one to rethink her decision if not for any thing for our daughter. I also called on her relations to help talk with her which they did.Despite the guy I saw I still made frantic effort to balance up.Am done too,I have heeded all the quality advise here I cannot come and kee myself.Thanks

jcmaiah:
Seriously you are not okay! In this age and time you are forcing yourself on someone. Is it because of the time and money you spent on her? Bros go to the nearest church and give testimony of how God delivered your from pre-mature death. Don't over continue with that wedding, count yours financial loses as gain.

A real testimony indeed.Thanks