₦airaland Forum

Welder: very nice Mykali. . . rib-cracking jokes

I'm glad I could cause damage to your ribs

Three Drunk Guys entered a taxi. The taxi driver knew that they were drunk
so he started the engine! And turned it
off 3 minutes later. He told them
"We done reach there ooooo". The 1st guy gave Him money and the 2nd
guy said "ThankYou". The 3rd guy
gave the driver a hot slap. The
driver was shocked, thinking that the
3rd drunk knew what he did. And then he asked "Whats dat for?". The 3rd
guy replied. "CONTROL your SPEED
NEXTTIME, you nearly killed us!

^lol. I agree...

3 rats were arguing about who had d most swagger and efizzy.. 1st Rat: I chop food with rat poison, I no die. 2nd Rat: I dance awilo on top mouse trap, nothing do me. 3rd Rat: Bone dat tin!!! see that cat wey dey go so? Na me give am belle!

GOAAAAL...Ac Milan just scored!!!


Meanwhile...

A mad man at the Aro Mental Hospital climbed a tree and spent half day on the tree, all of a sudden he let go of the branch and fell straight to the ground with full force. A doctor rushed to the scene and asked; Sir, what's the matter with u? The mad man replied: "I DON RIPE.

A Bunch of freakz

wife: darling why are you home this early wearing such a long face?
Man: had a terrible day. Lost all my colleague today at work.
Wife: Jesus what happened?
Man: there was a fire outbreak down the tunnel and every body died.
Wife: ewoo what a pity. Darling i thank God for keeping you alive. How did u make it out my dear?
Man: darling its was Gods work. My stomach was hurting me and I was pressed so hard so i took a break to ease myself in the toilet.
Wife: darling thank God you are alive. What would have happened to us. I feel so pity for there families eah. Ewo so bad how are they now going to survive?
Man: my dear its a pity but SHELL have decided to give the families of the deceased 1million US $ each.
Wife: what...? One million what? so because of your useless shiit na him make i miss that money?

‎​Defense.Attorney: will u plz state ur age?

Little old lady: I am 94 years old

Defense attorney: will u tell us in ur own words, what happened the night of April 1st?

Old lady: there I was, sitting on my porch on a warm spring evening when a young man comes creeping up n sat down next to me.

Attorney: did u know him?

Old lady: No. But he was friendly.

Attorney: what happened after he sat down?

Ol'Lady: He rubbed my thigh.

Attorney: Did u stop him?

Old Lady: No.

Attorney: why not?

Old Lady: It felt good. No one has touched me since my albert died.

Attorney: What happened next?

Old lady: He began to rub my breasts.

Attorney: Did u stop him then?

Old lady: No

Attorney: Why not?

Old Lady: It made me feel alive n excited.I haven't felt like that in years!

Attorney: Nxt what?

Old lady: Well, by then I was all spicy n I laid down n told him take me.. Take me now!

Attorney: did he take u?

Old lady: Hell no! he just yelled "april fool"! And that's when I shot the little bastard.

Jeeez!!! Thank goodness I missed that horror moment. Can't imagine coming here and being in such a 'dark world'

panaroma: Wudnt it be cool if we create a bbm group for naruto lovers

i would love this

Darui: Anko ,kurenai u need to re watch ur anime o.
U will see anko next week,peel ur eyes very well.
D fishnet is d cue

lol...she does have big boobs. but tsunade's boobs are another matter. feels like i'm watching soft porn sometimes

Mother: Son I'm sorry i slept with someone that is not your dad 23 years ago. And that person is your real father.

Son: Mum, what rubbish! How am I to deal with this?! You should be hanged.

Mother: I am sorry he is my first love and i could not marry him cause we are of different religion. He is on the phone at the moment and wants to speak with his son for the first time ever.

Son: No i am spe...aking to no one. Mr Alani is the only father i know and so will that be.

Mother: Please dont be soo upset. Just talk to him.

Son: Ok, I will give him a piece of my mind!

Phone: Morning Son, I am Mallam Aliko Dangote. I am your real father.

Son: Daddy! Daddy!! Daddy!!! Thank God! I always knew there was something special about me... Thank you mum. You are the best mother in the world…

::Andrew:::
I took ma gurl out to a park today, knelt down without a ring and asked if she will marry me
she was so happy and over joyed when i said april fool. she walked out of me in the park till now.
She is refusing ma calls and sms unreplied.
she knew very well am not getting married to a white gurl why would she fall like that

hehehehe...dude, karma awaits you

freecocoa: The worst for me was when my then boyfriend came to my house showing me a result of HIV test which was positive with his name and details on it .

I cried my eyes out that day,i can swear he was crying with me saying,"baby i don't know how this happened,we are finished,please forgive me"etc.

My mind didn't even remember that it was April fool's day sef,i was just thinking,God why me?I've had 5ex only twice,you could have atleast made me pregnant instead of Aids,what will i tell my folks?I'm only in my first year in the university,is this how i go take die? Etc.

After about 30 or so Mins of crying,he just shouted "APRIL FOOL baby" to say i felt like killing him is an understatement,I just went for a lab test afterwards,that was the day i said no more unprotected 5ex and so it has stayed.

It wasn't funny o,it took me weeks to forgive him cos i almost had a heart attack.

how sad

A Pastor rears chicken in the Church premises, so one evening a c0ck went missing. In Church the next day the Pastor asked "who has a c0ck?" All the men got up.." No, I mean who has seen a c0ck?" All the women got up, "No, no, I meant who has seen a c0ck that isn't theirs?" Half of the women got up, "Oh for goodness sake!! Who has seen my c0ck??" All the Choir girls got up.

booqee: Nice joke mykali! I love every one of 'em!

Thanks sweetie

TEACHER: Akpos, what is
4+4?
AKPOS: Aunty, I nor
know.
TEACHER: Ok, I know u
love snacks so listen; If I
give u 4 balls of puff-puff
in ur hand, and I give u
an additional 4 balls, wat
will u have?
AKPOS: 8 puff-puff.
TEACHER: Bravo! We r
making progress here. So
wat is 4-4?
AKPOS: I nor know!
TEACHER: (sighs) ok, if I
give u 4 balls of puff-
puff in ur hand, and I
collect all of dem back
from
u, what will be left in ur
hand?
AKPOS: Na oil naa!

this Dayo na case oo. so even after Torres scored his goal became inconsequential?

FERNANDO TORRES: DAYOOOOO...WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM MEEEEE

executinal: QPR 2 Arsenal 1

lovely result

Dempsey did good. Persie with an assist but couldt score. Bale yet to play. Rooney to make me proud on Monday

otooro: ^ wat broadcast?

Broadcast messages on blackberry messenger

Chinese couple living in Lagos gave birth to a black baby. In anger, husband asked the wife.... Chu, why babyblack? She replied, we live in Nigeria, no electricity.....me hot, u hot, sex hot.....baby burnt

Ruqaya: na u copy dondav or na him copy u. I've seen this b4

I am sorry if you have seen it before, but I didn't copy anybody. I sent it here as soon as the broadcast was sent to me.

JAMB QUESTIONS TO EXPECT TODAY:

1. If white rice is white, jollof rice is what?

2. How many times have you written this exam?

3.At what age did GEJ started wearing shoe?

4.W hich Nigerian artist now wash cars in kanye west garage?

5.what are the names of the two people shaking hands when you put on a Nokia phone?

6.complete with the appropriate word (wiz kid) oya oya ___ your mummy. A. axeB.hask C.ask

7.Each of the following causes death Except A. Mouth Odour B. Armpit Intoxication C. Rat poison D. Boko Haram

8.How old were you the last time Arsenal won a trophy??

9.What's A Toilet To Ladies? (A) Convenience (B) Photo Studio

10.Who pour water inside CoCOnut??

11.What is the past tense of BROKE?

12. What is the relationship btw fuel subsidy and GEJ, Okonjo Iweala, Sanusi Lamido and OCUPPY NAIJA?

13. Why do Nigerians look forward to theFirst Lady, Dame Patience speech?

The rest expo is coming soon....GOODLUCK!!