OscarJaden:
Good evening house,please I need clarification on LANGUAGE PROFICIENCY CERTIFICATIONS cus I intend to apply to a university in Poland comes April.
Among all the LANGUAGE PROFICIENCY CERTIFICATIONS including IELST cannot be ready before then.
Please I need someone to help me interpret this English in a simple term for me cus it among the requirements.
Can I present this too if I’m to get it?

sobastical:
2 to 3 weeeks
8m upward

I applied for a job at Gresyndale legal, a law firm in Lekki.

A lady called me almost immediately my email dropped at the other end. She asked, "are your so, so and so?"
I answered in the affirmative.
"You just sent in your application?"
Yes, I answered.
She asked me, "are you a man or a woman?"
Woman, no man. I stuttered.
While laughing cynically, she said, "eeehh. Woman, man, which one?" Man, I replied.
"Check your box I will send you a mail..." So she sent me an appointment via email.

I arrived 10 minutes late. I stoped at first gate Instead of me to alight at Marwa. Other applicants were already seated and there were no seats left so I stood.

Am I the only man invited? I queried in my mind whilst signing the attendance register. So I decided to check the attendance which contained names of all invited candidates for that day and time. Behold they were all women!

I tried to count the number of those shortlisted from where I stood but it was difficult because by this time I had moved away from the table. Nevertheless I continued counting, standing about 5 feet away from her desk. She must have thought I was staring at her flat chest. It would appear so from her POV or angle of view.
"Is there a problem?" She queried angrily. But I continued counting for another 27 seconds, then raised my gaze, looked at her and answered, no problem. She looked scared, molested and violated.

Already I knew why she was furious. With my peripheral vision, I had seen her stare at me while I count, and had anticipated her reaction. I didn't bother to attempt an explanation of what I was doing. Spiritual matter don't have evidence. In hindsight I think she is one of the partners. She looked too fresh to be a receptionist.

Then came my turn; the last jobless youth to be interviewed. I entered the room; an open plan office with about 5 or 6 staff. However, only two of them were conducting the interview. Confidentiality was zero!

"Hmmmm, your appearance strikes me", said one of the ladies (first interviewer). It seems she knew me from her countenance, in fact it sounded so from her tone during the phone call. I was smiling like a lunatic. She could be Amaka, Bimbo, Fadeke, Busola, or one of the Olaoye sisters who studied law. Who knows? Lol.

She went on with the interview. She asked questions about my skills, salary expectations etc. I knew the salary range is ₦35,000 — ₦45,000 from my research on Joberman on my way to the firm.
Then boom! A gap was spotted in/on my cv.
"Oh, you have not worked since you graduated?" I said yes.
Scornfully and sadistically, the other lady; second interviewer, whom I think is the lead partner asked,
"you have not worked, so how have you being surviving?"
My family supports me, I replied foolishly.
"So you could not do anything on your own all these while". She continued with a derisive and sardonic tone. Her body language was like 'look at this lazy, big for nothing, immature idiot'. It then occurred to me that I was shortlisted to be mocked by angry lesbians and frustrated feminists.

Before I could respond, two people came into the room and brought out a file, asking her for approval, clarification or something like that. Then I looked away towards the direction of the first interviewer. She looked disappointed and unhappy while taking another look at my "empty" CV. Looking at the low ceiling, I was smiling like mumu. She beckoned to get back my attention. She said we will get back to you. I smiled in agreement while nodding with a 'who is fooling who' look, got up and left.

I was not exactly qualified for the job in terms of certificate and/or experience. I only applied out of desperation believing I could learn on the job if hired.

On my way out, the upset "receptionist" was no longer there.

Mystery2020:
"They finally employed you. I hope you have a strong shoe", she said. I did not understand what the teller meant.

I had spent about a quarter in this new generation bank, I was ridiculed, insulted and bullied by the head teller and cash officer who is a Unilag graduate, the branch manager (BM) who once accused me of stealing, and my new supervisor who just got back from maternity leave.

This new supervisor, Fatima, was a curvy ebony naturalised Hausa-Fulani woman. One day, she asked if I have a lover. Then told me to come along with her for a drink. She wanted to take me out after the naming ceremony of the head teller's new baby, but I refused to attend. The following week, she began telling other staff members that I am stubborn. This was the genesis of my problem with her.

A lot of flirting used to happen in that place. Only two of the women out of eight were spared; one Yorubanised Hausa woman and maybe the CSM. Even the CSM gave me flirty looks several times. One of the tellers once called me gay. Asking if I don't have erections.

A new girl was hired. She was an introvert like me, but from Enugu state and a graduate of ESUT. Coincidentally, one of the Yoruba staff and a Business Administration graduate of OOU served in her village. This young lady, an Anglican, can be mistaken as the daughter of the Nollywood and Yoruba language actress popularly known as Lanre Hassan.

She made it known to management that she prefer to be in operations. However, she was brought to marketing. She said they told her point blank at head office HR that all employees in our cadre must first work as a marketer regardless of their qualifications. She had no choice but to accept the offer, so I decided to help her adjust and settle down.

The BM is a Catholic, who once forgot to attend Ash Wednesday mass despite always wearing a rosary. He is the temperamental type who takes first impression seriously. He is the first child of his family, and was often tasked with carrying the ladder up and down the streets of Nnewi for NITEL technicians when they're trying to fix the family's landline. His first car, a Honda "baby boy" Accord was stolen at gun point.

The BM, owns a shell company with address in Lekki where proceeds from dubious deals are laundered. Some of these proceeds he shared among the operations staff headed by one pretty lady; a charismatic Catholic & graduate of Ekpoma. I was told by a teller that this lady (CSM) once approached the manager to give her and the boys 'something'. This teller lives in a 'selfcon' in Surulere, which he inherited from his grandmother.

They tested me withing my first week of resumption. They sent me to a customer; a Micro Finance bank in Ikeja, with a t-fare double the required amount. When I returned, I wanted to return the balance but they all ignored me. They sent me to the MFB again the following day. I simply used the balance from the previous day. I thought I did the right thing, not knowing that they only wanted to know whether I came to Lagos to "count bridge". A question the 'Surulere' teller eventually asked me rhetorically.

They lied to me that I can not request for a t-fare lower than what I got previously again, because they will be queried by internal control. A lady in the customer care unit who attended FGGC Calabar, tried to ginger me not to answer them, but I gave in and continued to accept the bogus t-fare. Months later, the OOU graduate told me to stop behaving like a saint, that even my then supervisor who is married to an Mbaise woman collects double of that figure.

Just before the ESUT lady resumed, the manager withdrew the branch car from me, then gave me a target to open 80 accounts, sell 40 cards/POS, and mobilise ₦40 million, all within a month among other tasks. He was also using me as his P.A. and 'man Friday' for his exportation business & family Charity.

The manager refused to give the ESUT girl targets. He played a smart one by asking her, "Do you know what your target is"? She answered "no". While walking away & pointing to me, the manager said to her, "Ask him". I responded like an imbëcile; 80 accounts, 40 cards/POS, ₦40million monthly. To add salt to injury, the branch car was made available to her most times.

She was given tasks that will make her develop faster as a banker. While I was left to roam about the streets of Lagos on foot like a lunatic, who is possessed by a legion of vagabond spirits recently rendered homeless by D.K. Olukoya of MFM. Three months later, our mate in another branch told me he never go on errands without their branch car, and that he even took driving lessons with it. Na dis kind people fit the industry. Lol.

This new girl almost made the same 'first impression' blunders I made that earned me the title of "the laziest staff the manager as ever seen". I was there for her at every step, mentoring her and teaching her how to deal with them (other staff members). I will defend her in her absence whenever they speak ill of her, and always advise her on how to correct these bad impressions. I never knew that I myself had become the topic of their gossips. They gossip me even with cleaners, drivers and security men.

There was a day I came late due to an accident in which my knees were bruised. They were still in the morning meeting when I got there. The BM queried "why are you just coming? who died?". "I will make this place unbearable for you if you don't sit up".

Then the scheming against me began to heat up. She joined them to gossip me. There was a time I caught three of them by the elbow; Fatima, ESUT girl and CSM. The Ambrose Ali lady (CSM) quickly lied that the manager was asking of me. I knew she was lying but just had to leave the room. I was thinking the ESUT girl will gist me later. I am still waiting for the gist as I type this föölish epistle.

Then ESUT girl started mocking me codedly. "You are going again?" She will ask with a sadistic smile whenever I am about leaving for marketing.

For six months they tried to destroy me psychologically. I will save what they did for later. My mates in V.I., Apapa, Nnamdi Azikiwe, and somewhere else in Lagos Island which I won't mention got similar toxic treatments, but with different flavours.

Their breakthrough came during an arranged MPR meeting where I was thoroughly mocked by all the staff. The BM even called me a slowpoke. ESUT girl laughed at their insults to my dismay. Then the manager noticed my mood has changed, & sensed the opportunity to go in for the kill. Stand up!", he shouted at me, I refused. They all shouted, stand up! even the ESUT girl. Then the head teller said in Yoruba, what the hell is wrong with this boy?" That got me really pissed off. I scanned the room, my previous supervisor was biting his lips and smiling slightly. The manager snapped his fingers at me, making the impression of 'I will deal with you'.

The CSM called me for a chat, she pretended as if she cared. But her opening statement gave her away. "What you did was very rude", referring to the MPR incident. She wasn't present. Her, the first teller who asked me if I have a strong shoe, the FGGC Calabar lady, and one other teller, a man from Kwara, left the room to attend to a matter before the attack happened.

She kept going round in circles, asking stupid questions like do I have problems convincing people to open accounts? Asking me if anyone in the branch offended me. Asking me to tell her what they did wrong so that they can avoid such mistakes in the future. I was now convinced it was an exit interview. I got to know they planned the whole thing a couple of months before.

By 12 noon I got a one-page query for insubordination and two other offences; the third was a serious one. He copied the HR Business Partner who was a graduate of English Language, and 2 other executives. I won't be surprised if he did a Blind Carbon copy to the entire banking group. I replied in three lines. Business partner said I should report to a particular HR staff on Friday of that week.

On Monday, I reported to head office, HR staff has gone on leave. It was another HR officer who attended to me. A short lady, she covered her ID card so I didn't see her name. She asked, "What did you do to them that made them write all those things against you?" I did not do anything, I replied. "And they wrote all those things", she said. "They can not all be bad people", she continued. She said I showed too much anger in my reply to the query. She then went on to give me a lecture on anger management. I kept looking like mumu.

Worried about my calmness, she asked me what the problem was. I told her I have become addicted to painkillers. She asked what my future career plan is, and I told her. Of course it was not banking. She said there are more mad people in that particular sector. She said they will get back to me.

My system password was about to expire the week of the incident, but I didn't reset it. I came around Tuesday morning to know my fate, nothing.

On Wednesday, BM showed me a letter from HR Business Partner dated Tuesday, indicating that I was done. "This is what I have been telling you", he said. He asked me to login and send my handover note but I told him I can't. He was trying hard to hold his laugh.

A month later, I was getting strange calls from unknown numbers. Maybe they wanted to know if I have committed suicide. By the grace of God I am gainfully employed.

247man:
PMP no dey there

youngestgrad:
ANAN suppose be 4/10. CFA, ICAEW,ICAN, CIIS are really tough to pass.

WhisperedNoise:
Please bump up the difficulty of ACCA, and make CFA a 10/10 in difficulty biko

JoshTim:
what about FRM? i guess 9 0r 10/10

Yochabelle:
Hi, I’m a bit worried because my mom is a private school teacher. Should we use the CAC route? Maybe get her a CAC?