₦airaland Forum

_{Too long}, . , . . But I read d first two lines

I'm proud to say I was able to read d first paragraph of his post! lol

@ Poster

If u move this to d Poem section, it will be well appreciated. ---- ---- _{it's a poem right?}

I think d poater is tryin to send out some kinda message or smthn? -- I don't know, someone read it and expalin to us abeg -- It's too long

debosky:
Fantastic Ajepako story Nella, I loved it!

lol, nobi de life be that?

iice:
[color=#9900ff]Nellito my niece, and you're mama dey claim ajebota for me
But i trust, na from me you get the kapakoliciousness [/color]

No mind my mumsy, make she dey claim diamond tooth! -- Her ajebutterness no go infect me! I already know sayy na 4rom your blood I carry my kpakoness -- it no dey fade

marydre:
@Nella funny can't stop laughing. You be real ajekpako o!

lol, Those were the days that rooted me to the ground, won't change em 4 any thing!   not like now that I can hardly even speak my own native language.

Aww I love Tyra die and prefere her to Oprah any day.

At least she is out there doing something - reaching out to young teens and youths as much as she can- .  wht about her fellow super model Naomi? --where that one dey? Rehab?

She is just another black queen showing a good example out there to struggling teenagers and youths, and believe me the society does need more people like her! -- Imagine if more celebrities spent more time sending out useful messages to teenagers and youths, helping them fight with their low self esteem, racial abuse, helping them and teaching them to feel comfortable in their body and that they don't have to be as thin as a broomstick before they can feel good about themselfs. And many other stuffs!   ---------- Imagine messages like this from every celebrity, the world will definitely be a better place! 


No matter how much u don't like her, u can not deny the fact that she is doing something out there . . .

But all the same, wether Ajepako or Ajebutter, I wouldn't trade those days inNigeria for nuthin!! Very Kpakolicious!!!
I mean seriously a Nigerian childhood that is not kpako is just not it! D person is missing\have missed a lot!! If u are a Nigerian, your child hood has got to be Kpako That is d life! -- Maybe when u grow u can take another way, but childhood?? Kpakolicious baby!

Chei! I remember those days, my parent struggled real hard and sacrificed allot 4 us to be here now, soo we really had to go through a kpakolicious life back then, but it was suwwweeet!

Ok, For  ALL OF You THAT GREW UP AJEBUTTER, LET ME GIVE You A TASTE OF D LIFE You MISSED

A normal day 4 me was normally like this:


Morning wakes up : Greets mummy and daddy, goes and buy cowbell 4 my older cousin to make our kingsized tea  while my parent prepare to leave 4 work. Before my mum leaves she normally says to my brothers[b] :[/b] " If u like u both should roam d whole world and swim in every river u see before we come back eh!?  -- then she leaves.

And that's when the life begins!

Immediately my mum leaves, as if it's magic, u would just see all my brothers friends emerging from different corners of d compound and whispering to me or any of my sisters\female cousins outside : " hey!--- your mother don commot??" --" your father unko?" ---

me and my sis\cousins: --  : Ignore them

One of them, to my cousin : "nobi u I dey ask question? -- see her head like motto!"

My cousin : stones him with wht ever she was holding, and I mean " what ever!"

Him : screams AWW!! and holds his head

My bro now hearing d noise would come out --- and from there they are off to their own adventure, which normally includes :

walking hundreds of miles just to climb one mountain, the same mountain that my parent have warned them a billion times never to near!
They climb mountain, throw stones at every monkey they see, after mountain, they go to the river, see a boat lying on it's own, they dare each other to enter into it, next thing u know they are all in a boat, with no padling experience, and barley knowing how to swim and in d middle of the river. Two seconds later, A Mallam emerges from d bush   with one of his trousers rolled up and holding d waist of his trouser with d other hand ( because he was obviously pooing )  screaming : " My Boaat!! My Boaat" -- and throwing heavy stones at them.

Them: not knowing how to paddle d boat back to d shore, and being scared of d mallams stone, ---will all jump out of d boat into d water and will some how manage to swim to d shore, and pick race before d mallam gets to them._{I still sayy na God dey watch after!}

Meanwhile Me:

At home, all the boys have left, it's just remaining me and my cousins at home ( I should be like about 11\12 years of age) :

Looks to her right, some yeye boy is trying to toast my older cousin, and is probably telling her some pack of lies about his life.
Soo there I would be playing with my friends oo, and some yeye neighbour\uncle\one of my friends big brother will come up to me with a letter in his had, and ask me to go and give it to Angela. ( all those Ajebutter babes that u can hardly tell d difference between them and Paris Hilton)

Me : nods, and collects letter

Him : "no read am oo, If u read am I go know and I go beat u!

Me : ok,

Him: leaves

Me : starts walking d road that leads to Angela's, house, . . . half way through and out of sight, *stops* -- Opens letter, and starts reading, : Dear My love, I miss u bla bla bla and the other day bla bla bla, you're d sugar in my garri bla bla bla and the I really wannna be your booooo. --please can u meet me at that place on friday? --- I will be waiting, -- I love u with all my heart and with all my soul"
                             Kunle

Me: Squeezes face and thinks of her future : " If any guy ever sends letter like this to me when I grow, I will tear it up and throw it in the bin! eeeeeeew!  . . . . . . . . Folds letter to put it back in d envelope, notices that the up side is stained with black chacoal from my hand, tries to clean it with d spit 4rom my tongue but it only makes it worst and wet.
Thinks of wht to do, . . . stuffs letter in my pocket and walks back home.

Next Morning : -- before I wake up.

My mum: " IFYYYYYYYYY"

Me: Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
walks to d sitting room, sees my mum holding my skirt up with her hand with an envelope and a love letter that is all stained with black chakoal  in other hand.

Mum : what is this!?

me : "oh, na letter wein Kunle gimme yesterday"

Mum ( all surprised as if I just told her I was going to get married and run away to Europe : " which Kunle!!?? -- Oya! Go show me that boy!! --- Chineeekeee!! I don't believe this!! In my own house! My daughter is receiving love letter! Chinekeeeeeee ( . . . )

Me : It is not for  . ,  ( but before I will finish)

-- " I SAY GO AND SHOW ME THAT BOOOY!! I WANT TO SEE THAT BOY!! I WANT TO SEE  HIS MOTHER!!!!!!!!" 

Me : Nobi my own, he say make I carry am give Angela but I forget to give am.

Mum, ( u can just see d look of relief on he face ) : Angela? -- he say make u give Angela and u forget? --nonsense, oya carry this stupid letter now, and I don't want to see it again!

Me: ok, . . . picks my skirt up 4rom d floor.

L8ter in d day, I'm playing with my friends.

Kunle comes up

Him : Ify, did u give my letter to Angela yesterday?

Me ( trying to look as innocent as my ajekpako face can allow ): yes na, of course,

Him ( not knowing if to believe me or not) : u sure sayy u give her? If na lie today I go beat u

Me : ok,

ME : For the rest of d week, avoids Kunle, and pick race when ever he calls me


---------------------------------------

My brothers :

Arrives home by 8 pm, mumy and day already home and in d sitting room

My brothers, before they enter into d house, sneaks aroud for a while, peeping to see if any of their sisters are outside

My older bro *sights me*

Him ( as low as his voice can get)  : Ify! Ify!

Me : turns around and looks at a dark corner, sees a figure calling my name from d dark, throws wht ever I'm holding  away and starts running into the house, half way through, I hear : " stupid girl!" --- Me: now stoppin : "Oh, na u, how many time I don tell u to stop to dey call my name 4rom there??"

Him( in a whisper):"lower your voice! look, mummy and daddy don come?"

Me( in d  loudest tone ever) : " YES NA! UNA TWO DON DIE! DEY GO FIRE UNA TODAY!!!  ( adds more sugar) " SIIINCEEEEEE WEIN DEM DON COME, WE DON LOOK 4 UNA EVERY WHERE WE NO SEE UNA! DADY DON DEY QUARELL SINCCCCCEE!

Him ( looking as scared as death itself) : OK, look una check for their Monday house?

Me ( eventhou we didn't check anywhere) : YES NA!! WE CHECKKK EEEEEEEVERY WHERE FOR UNA!!!

them( decides wht to do among each other : ok, ok, we go go inside and if dey ask we goo tell them sayy na mama papa send us go her former house go help her bring something.

Them ( goes inside the house) : good, evening mumy, good evening dady

--( I trus my Dad, no nonsesne )

My Dad : You two, go and kneel down there

Them : Kneels down

My Dad, (to my female cousin) : Go and pluck me cain!

My cousin,  ,   . having soo much pity for my brothers, decides to bring d smallest cain she finds, that is as thin as a broom stick, --- takes it to my dad

My Dad: looks at d cain she is holding in her hand . "What is that!??"

My cousin : "Cane"

My Dad : Collects d tiny cane, whips her ears with it --" Next time I ask u to bring me cain, YOU BRING ME CAIN!" Now gerrraout!"

My cousin: holding d spot she has just been landed : goes out side

My Dad ( to my older guy cousin) : Go and cut me cane!

My cousin : passes me who was now sitting outside with my cousin and boasting to my brothers friends how their friends - my brotheres- were in big trouble and were going to be flogged,  . . . - - -- - sees my cousin going into the house and holding this gigantious blala.

Me : quickly thanks my God that I am not a guy.

And the next thing I was hearing : AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHWWWWWWW DADDDY PLEEEEEASEEEEEE I WILL NEVER DO IT AGAINNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!! AWW!! MUMMY!! AHHHHHHHHHHHH . . . .DADDDDYYYYYY --- JESUS!!! OOOOAHHHAHAHAHAWWWW (. . . .) 

Next morning

mum : before goin to work, gives them d same warning she gave them last time and leaves . , 

Next thin,  -- -  their friends emerges . . . . and u know d rest!



* Now that was a hella of a life!!* 

lmao -- Make una pity d babe, she is obviously new, lol

cescky:
take her to a mama put joint and order tuwo and abinchi, and make her eat with her bare hands and feet

eeeewwwww that's just gross lol,


@ topic

Collect d beer from his hand ---- You be small pikin! no beer till you're 40!

You r more in d middle,




rotflmao!  funny pix @ Kojeiwa,    soo very typical! 

@ topic
Don't know which one I am, But I will go for an Ajepako guy anyday. -- Ajebutter guy? Oh please, I might as well be dating one of my girlfriends. .  .

Take him to my favorite Portuguese restaurant and give him a taste of Portuguese yummy yummies

Fine gurls are hard to keep but so are fine guys. They r normally so full of their cuteness and think they can juggle as much babes as they want . But I think it's more worse on d girls side, or. . ? naah, both.

You see, If it was u I would have had alot more to say , but since it's not, I will 4give d poster -- I no try?

lol, as long as he apologised, lmao

"Looks has Got nothin! And I mean absolutely nothin! to do with it!"  -------- *looks at herself in d mirror*  . . . ."Ok, maybe just a little" ----*looks at herself again* -- "ok, ok, maybe more than a little" *looks at her self again* ---" OMG!!!! LOOOKS IS EEEVERYTHINGGGGGGGG" 



Ok, on a more serious note, looks does play a big role, but u would have to have the personality and the brains to match. Good 4 d girl who has got d looks and brains, that's what we call "A complete set" -- But as 4 she that has got d looks but no brains, . . ,  lets just sayy she would end up being deceived by all d sugar daddies in this world,  and at d end wht will she get from it?  . . . . . . Probably, a taste of their d!ck.
But if you're a Complete set, then u will probably be able to pass d whole deceiving tests and find yourself a good bobo that when he looks at your chest, u would know that he is looking at your heart, and not your boobs . lol, But . . . . 

topup:
[color=#cc0066]Go for the one you love, that's the easiest way. Because some stunning chicks get bad rep, and guys won't believe you if you say you've never had a b/f or never been that sexually intimate with several guys before. Whilst average chicks, some 'average' are aware of this fact and are even worse because they don't value themselves, and so they might actively search for more sexual encounters in order to boost their self esteem.[i][/i] You really can't judge using looks.[/color]

very well said, I give u 20 points.

Stupid Portugal didn't show d match!

BUT Happiness anywayz!! WAO!!! 4-1!!

waaaaaoooo!

Thanks to Nairaland d first day I kiss a Nigerian guy, I will definitely be evaluating at d back of my head!

blissfulr:
Hi, ladies in the house. I think we’ve have yabbed our men enough. It’s high time we started teaching them how to FRENCH KISS.

To all men out there, I’m sure you appreciate my kind gesture. No blabbing. I’ll go straight to the point: Step 1: Seating Position

The first thing you should do when you approach your woman is to arrange it so that she is seated against the arm of the sofa while you sit at her side.

In this way, she cannot edge away from you when you become serious in your attentions. This done, on some pretext or another, such as a gallant attempt to adjust the cushions behind her, manage to insinuate your arm, first around the back of the sofa and then, gradually, around her shoulders.

If she flinches, don't worry. If she flinches and makes an outcry, don’t worry. If she flinches, makes an outcry and tries to get up from the sofa, don’t worry. Hold her gently but firmly, and allay her fears with kind, reassuring words.

Step 2: Flatter Her

If your arm is comfortably reposed across the girl's shoulders and "all's right with the world" then your next step is to flatter her in some way. All women like to be flattered. They like to be told they are beautiful even when the mirror throws the lie back into their ugly faces.

"Take a Deep Sniff of the Perfume in Her Hair and Comment on It"

Tell her she is beautiful! Then, take a deep sniff of the perfume in her hair and comment on it. Tell her that the odor is like "heady wine." Tell her that her hair smells like a garden of roses. Tell her anything, but be sure to tell her something complimentary. This done, it is only a natural thing for you to do to, desire to sink your nose deeper into her hair so that you can get the full benefit of its bouquet.

Step 3: The Techniques of Kissing

The moment you feel the tip of your nose touch her scalp, purse your lips and kiss her, the while you inhale a deep breath of air that is sweet-smelling with the wonderful odor of her hair. It is then but a few inches to her ear. Touch the rim of her ear with your lips in a sort of brushing motion. Breathe gently into the delicate shell. Some women react passionately to this subtle act. Brush past her ear in this way again and note her reaction. If she draws her head away, return to her hair and sniff luxuriously of it. Then, settle back to her ear, the while you murmur "sweet, airy nothings" into it. From the ear to her neck is but another few inches. Let your lips traverse this distance quickly and then dart into the nape and, with your lips well pursed, nip the skin there, using the same gentleness as would a cat lifting her precious kittens.

Then, with a series of little nips, bring your lips around from the nape of her neck to the curving, swerve of her jaw, close to the ear. Gently kiss the lobe of her ear. But be sure, to return to the tender softness of her jaw. From then on, the way should be clear to you. Cuddle your lips along the soft area until you reach the comer of her lips. You will know when this happens because, suddenly, you will feel a strange stiffening of 'her shoulders under your arm.

Alright. You have subtly kissed the corner of her mouth. Don't hesitate. Push on further to more pleasurable spots. Ahead of you lies that which had been promised in your dreams, the tender, luscious lips of the girl you love. But don't sit idly by and watch them quivering.

Act!

Lift your lips away slightly; center them so that when you make contact there will be a perfect union. Notice, only momentarily, the picture of her teeth in her lips. And, then, bring your lips down firmly onto the lips of the girl who is quivering in your arms.

Kiss her!

Kiss her as though, at that moment, nothing else exists in the world.
Kiss her as though your entire life is wrapped up into the period of the kiss.
Kiss her as though there is nothing else that you would rather be doing.
Kiss her!

But don't stop at this.
Surely, there is more to your tongue than merely its tip. Probe further. Go deeper. Gently caress each other's tongues. For, in doing this, you are merging your souls. That is why this kiss was called the "soul" kiss by the French who were said to be the first people to have perfected it.

This is where I drop my golden pen. Catch yah!

Learn:
HOW TO AVOID LETTING-DOWN IN KISSING SESSIOON
Ø How to Have Overpowering, Overwhelming Surge of Emotion Kissing (Such As You Have Never Before Experienced)
Ø How to Send Shivers Of Joy Coursing Up And Down a Man's Spine Using Kiss
Ø How to Kiss Any Lady without Missing
Ø How Flattering Can Make You Kiss Any Lady
Ø The Techniques of Kissing
Ø Why You Should Not Close Your Eyes While Kissing
Ø How to Kiss Girls with Different Sizes of Mouths
Ø How to Kiss Girls with Broad and Generous Lips
Ø How to Die Kissing
Ø How To Make the Blood In Your Lover's Veins Rush Furiously Into His/Her Entire System While Kissing.
Ø How to Enjoy the Thrills of Kissing
Ø How to Put Variety into Your Kisses
Ø The French "Soul" Kiss
Ø The Vacuum Kiss
Ø How to Vacuum Kiss
Ø How to Bite Kiss
Ø How to Kiss With Your Eyelids, Eye-Brows, Cheek, Chin, Hands and Fingers
Ø The "Spiritual" Kiss
Ø The "Pain" Kiss
Ø The "Nip" Kiss
Ø The Dancing Kiss
Ø The Surprise Kiss
Ø For Kiss to Be Enjoyed the Man Has To Be Taller Than the Woman
Ø Preparing For the Kiss
Ø Different Kinds of Kisses
Ø Approved Methods of Kissing
Etc

For Further details:
Email: blissfulrelationship@yahoo.com
[color=#990000][/color]

Chei! Nothing wein una no go teach person 4 this site! Wht is next? How to "gently" insert and remove a condom?? --------  I won't be surprised! 

lol, but carry on sha, some peeps will probably learn somethings

Ok, but first of all, What is "Aye"??  . ,  _{Isn't that yoruba?} lol

spikedcylinder:
Yea, the thread is old. The poster has probably been beaten to death by the man's girlfriend.

naaah, I doubt it, . . , she probably died of rat poison

Don't tell me my sis have finally gone mad! -- Mustay! wht did u do 2 her!??

abeg oo, tell am,


I need to go sha, take care of my inlaw oo



Mr StevieWonder, good night

KevinKupr8:
WTF! is Don Jazzy?

ROTFLMFAO!!

steve49ja:
@shuppie
is your daughter married?
if NO what currency would u prefer

@nella
isnt it good to book the chic from small?
atleast she go start school from my house ,grow teeth for my house

Didn't u hear me say I was going to have my own kid!?? --And it is going to be a bouncing baby boy  -- Soo leave Shuppie pikin 4 me oo, na my inlaw be that! -- Chuppie Abi?

And which your house?? u wish!

They are all just fuc.king demselfs inside that hollywood. Wether dey make or not it nor concern me.
just like Ciara and d lil Bowwow kid.

4 sure me I understand, . . , don't worry, I'll go have my own lol, is she ur only child?

yong babe:
Its a nice write up

u read everything! -- Alimal like u!

@post



yep, nice indeed

@ post,


42, , , or may be 43, . , . haven't decided yet, I need to discus with my husband.

hemale female

I been good oo,

mehn, How did u afford to have such a cute baby!?? Can u see her eyes?? She's soo . . . . . cuuuuuutttteeeee!!

@ topic

Tell her to let me addopt her baby

u!

Ask yourself y I turned gay in d first place!

lol,

@post

Lesbo,

Chuppiiie!-- your baby is Yuuuuuummmmmm! aw! sooooo cuuuteee!

------------------

Chesk, I actually 4got I employed you to dey check my siggy 4 me 

Michael Jackson