₦airaland Forum

based on what I've heard from hubby and brothers,

A-Nigerian Girls: Not likely to challenge their husband's word.
Americans: More likely to mouth off and challenge word, integrity, and nag

B-Nigerian Girls: More likely to ignore suspicious behavior, potential cheating
American: More likely to be paranoid about him cheating, and sees a lot of his behaviors as suspicious

C-Nigerian Girls: Achieve appearance of beauty by wearing A LOT of make-up.
American Girls: Achieve appearance of beauty with little/no make-up and better living conditions

D-Nigerian Girls: boring in bed and seem to "fake" a lot (serious in bed)
American girls: More adventurous in bed and genuine (have fun in bed)

E-Nigerian Girls: make more submissive wives and put family first
American: See submission as weakness and are often self-centered.

F-Nigerian Girls: use too many bleaches that screw up their natural skin- lots of Acne
American: have good skin most of the time.

G-Nigerian Girls: Stay in good physical shape at any age.
American: Most African American girls are overweight, fat, and obese

H-Nigerian Girls: Are a lot more confined by culture and limited in experiences
American: More educated and versatile in role and position of woman in society.

I- Nigerian Girls: marriage minded and less promiscuous
American: want to be like men when it comes to sex: Few are aiming toward marriage

J- Nigerian Girls: Grew up with FATHERS at home and have healthy self image, and relationship with men
American Girls: Are ususally Fatherless, have lower self-image, and constantly in toxic relationships w/men.

"Always tell someone where you are going in case you fall in a pothole on the way."

on the street, waiting for a cab ride.

When i was in college, I had a very good guy friend (STRICTLY PLATONIC). He was dating someone, i was dating someone. We NEVER EVER had a hint of romantic tendencies toward each other, but sometimes he did seem nervous around me for no reason and I assumed maybe he was just having random awkward days. Well one day we were driving along on an hour ride to the mall and we were talking about music and items we wanted to buy when he suddenly  interrupted me and blurted out loudly, "Let's stop the bullshit. You know I wanna screw you so bad I been losing sleep over it!"

I was utterly dazed and confused - like - did he just say what i thought he said? I was not in the LEAST BIT attracted to him, and was always telling my boyfriend that this was the one guy friend I was SURE wasn't trying to toast me.

That hour long drive felt like 4 hrs. I just said, "uh, err, we can't - I don't like you like that - i can't believe you just said that to me." 

Sadly- that marked the end of our close friendship--- because i could never be totally comfortable around him again knowing he had "that" on his mind.

Another time I had a guy friend say something similar (but much more tasteful), followed by "You didn't think i was studying with you because I was really trying to get A's did you?!

1- The Bible
2- Think and Grow Rich
3- The Power of Positive Thinking

Please consider this situtation of a very close personal friend of mine and offer your reasonable input.

During the first 2 pregnancies tmy friend (the wife) gained a lot of weight and suffered depression for a year or two AFTER each birth. She is predisposed to post-partum depression. The couple decided that since they had one boy and one girl- their family was perfect. In actuality- neither of them could bear the wife gaining any more weight - or suffering any more depression. TAlso, the marriage was in jeopardy for years because of her inabilility to lose weight after having babies.

So the cheapest and safest and most agreeable birth control was that the husband have a vasectomy to prevent any future pregnancies. (she had severe bad reactions to birth control pills, patches, and shots)

Now 6 years later, both husband and wife are longing for another child, but cannot afford the operation to reverse the husband's vasectomy. She is still fertile, and in fact has lost weight and is a total hot babe again.

Husband occassionally blames her for convincing him to have the procedure done. No one in his family knows about the procedure - because he and family are Nigerian - he can never tell them that he did this. However, they are the only ones that might be able to give financial assistance to reverse the procedure. Her american family knows about the vasectomy but aren't able to contribute financially.

The wife is feeling like maybe she should sleep with someone to get pregnant- and as they are both people of faith - hopes that the husband will believe God ansewred their prayer for a new bundle of joy. OCCASSONALLY-- MEN STILL DO IMPREGNATE WOMEN YEARS AFTER THEIR PROCEDURE is DONE.

What should the couple do in this case. They made a permanent decision that they now regret - and they really want more children.

A- Should he go to his family and explain everything, but risk the wife being shunned and rejected for imposing a vasectomy- which as the American, she will get the blame for.?

B- Should she confide in 1 of his male family members and ask him to try and impregnante her? that way the baby has high probability of looking like the husband?

C- Should they just give up hope of having any more children. Besides, she might gain weight again, or suffer depression again anyways?

D- Some other unexplored option?

LOL! @ Sisi

@Sienna: that implies that very last Nigerian man in this city and abroad is a cheat. C'mon. I guess all the scowling women are quiet today. Surely somebody here knows somebodu else who frowns ALL the time. What's the reason its in such mass numbers about naija women?

Naija men, do you all find this attractive? Is that why they do it? because You like frowning koko? be easy, I'm just trying to crack a smile on some faces. It doesn't hurt. really, smiling makes you look more youthful and less aged.

As I drive and walk thru the tsreets of Lagos, I see that the women scowl and fown alll the time. even inside the stores, where its air conditioned, the restaurants - everywhere! why?!

How can I meet people, become friends when Nigerian women are always frowning and sending a unspoken message of utter boredom and snobbery all the time?

I am in Lagos for a while- so I am concerned. Its can't bet he heat- cuase the men don't look pissed off all the time- some do- but I see a much wider array of expressions from them in general.

What's the deal? Is this proper etiquette or what?

yea- my husband approves of it. He really likes it, and being a business man who travels - I can't afford to have any "plain jane" nun attire on when he's in town.

OPINIONS from the Naija and American perspective are welcomed on this.[/color]

I was raised to dress very modestly and homely as a single girl. By not flaunting the goods, then one must attract a man with other less-shallow qualities, like personality, intellect, work ethic, etc.

I was taught that dressing more sexy and seductively is a MUST for married women so as to keep her husband's eye from wandering - and reducing the inclination for the husband to cheat or take a second wife.

Not too long ago I found my husband had an indiscretion with a lady and looking back at it now I see that as I had been getting more involved in church, I was not dressing as alluring and sexy as i use to.

Unfortunately, to dress in tight clothes, or showing cleavage is met with skepticism and judgement from others who wonder why a married woman is dressing single. And strangers who don't know me- try to approach me, (hit on me/flirt) because they assume i am dressed to impress.

WHAT ARE YOU OPINIONS ABOUT THIS?
Are married women in Nigerian culture EXPECTED to dress differently than the single gals? [color=#000099][font=Lucida Sans Unicode][/font]I know most naija women dress nice and presentable. btu i am talking specifically about married ladies dressing SEXY- as if they were going to a night club, or as if they are single hoping to be toasted by some fine guy.

have you gotten any responses? I am interested in knowing some hotspots since I am in Naija now- and set to leave in the next 30 days.

In the U.S. and in Lagos, I have noticed that Nigerian women chew gum with a fierceness that is quite noticeable. Now many people eat chewing gum, but I and many other AA men and women noticed that it's nearly impossible to encounter a naija woman that is not chewing gum. And if she is dressed very nicely (which naija women usually do) they chew EVEN HARDER or more dramatically - and with attitude.

What's this about? is there some official or un-official culturally linked reason for this?

The "African Smell" I have always encountered in the U.S. and Naija is body odour. I mean overwhelming funk. it was sooo overwhelming on the airplane ride to Naija, and in various places- I would gag (and still do).

Some people just don't believe in Soap. my in-laws help supposedly washes, but he doesn't use soap- so he reeks!

i am an american and just arrived in Lagos for the 1st time. If you are a Nigerian citizen, its probably a good idea to have a nigerian passport- it is cheaper than obtaining a VISA and the lines will be faster at the airport. I travelled with lots of bags and there was no problem witht hem being stolen or tampered with. Buy small locks to put on the zipper of all your luggage.

This place is amazing! I was also afraid(more nervous) but the people here are warm and friendly - and there is so much that is probably different from when you were here last.

I was suprised to find out my cell phone works here - 3G network.

Umm sorry to burst your bubble, but she is NOT the world's youngest mother.

I have seen 11 year olds pregnant at leats 3 times in my life. 1 was sexually active with a boyfriend of age 15, and the other two were victimes of incest/molestation. They carried the babies to full term, birthed the babies, and in atleast the first case- was raising the child themselves witht he helpf their mother.

in America (in the ghetto) this is not Unheard of. It happens.

Cheating is in a man's nature?!!

i think, that cheating- is like LOVE. BOTH of them are choices. You choose to love someone. You choose to fly across the fucking country to visit a girl - to cheat. This was no happenstance- like they were co-workers working late into the night on something-- This was a very deliberate act- and that is why it hurt.

But I will get over it eventually. I do choose to forgive him. I just don't trust him anymore. And, and sometimes I just get sad when something reminds me of it. like we are driving- and I see a hotel that is the same as the one he went to. Or if the city he went to was mentioned.

Anyways - Thanks for all your input. I will enjoy my marriage - and pray God heal my heart completely. Amen.

I CERTAINLY thought about cheating- but that isn't just against my husband- that is a sin against God, and a violation of my own body. basically that is cutting of my own nose to spite my face.


For years I was so naive to think my Christian husband would never violate our matrimony - since marriage is taken VERY SERIOUSLY in Nigerian/african culture in general. Unlike the haphazard way that many americans regard it. Was I stupid to expect my Nigerian (Yoruba) husband to remain 100% faithful?

I did knowmy husband looked at women now and then, but he is a man with eyes- even I can acknowledge when a beautiful woman is passing.

i thought he probably flirted a little when he went out with the guys- that's what men do- just as we women might prance a little or act coy when its Girls Night Out.

So I never required hime to be a SAINT, but I never ever ever ever thought he would actually stoop so low as to pursue a woman.

I think his best friends influence is partly to blame.

His best friend- I know for a fact is a cheater because he cheated on his wife (then fiance) with my own friend. i have known this guy and respected him- only because he is important to my husband. This so-called friend is a boyhood friend of his from Nigeria - and basically his only "family" beside me and our kids. So I understand and accepted the attachment- no matter how juvenile it seemed at times.

But EVERY SINGLE TIME he comes to visit us from his state - My husband ends up going to a strip club, or partying all night til 5am in the morning, or something else that creates strife between us later. for instance, even when he has been texting, talking or on the phone with this guy I know because my husband will always deal with me more harshly- and act like a STEREOTYPCIAL AFRICAN MAN. You know - "i am man hear me roar, stay out my way, feed me, do this, do that, bend over and give me some ynash when I call."

I TRIED to be understanding-- he rarely gets to see his best friend- and usually that means i only have to put up with this nonsense ^{once or twice} a year for just a few days - so I NATURALLY EXPECT they would hang out - go partying- but I also expected them to still remember they are married men, and not the bachelor's from their youth.


My husband has american, and other African (Non-nigerian) guy friends that hang out together and do guy stuff, but when his best friend is in town- then its always the damn strip clubs, phone calls go unanswered, staying out to the wee hours of the morning, and mysterious phone numbers on napkins.

My point is, [font=Lucida Sans Unicode][/font][color=#990000][/color]My husband told me - he met this woman at a club a year ago. This happens to be the SAME TIME his best friend last visited. I do partially blame his friend. My husband is grown and able to make his own decisions, but I also expect TRUE FRIENDS to lead you NOT into temptation. I expect DECENT FRIENDS to discourage such behavior.

I want to BAN this guy (the best friend) from my home- because he is a cheat and has always been one as far back as i can remember. His dad had four wives - and though he talks the talk that one wife is enough wahala - that does not keep him from being a habitual womanizer.
And I really think it has been his intent all along to get my husband to cheat also - so that he can tease my husband finally that his life is not as perfect as he always acts.

this guy is supposed to be his best friend- but he has always competed with my husband , even when my husband never knew there was a so-called competition in progress. If my husband got promoted on his job- the best friend would say "congratulations, but is that all they are paying you?" If my husband says he is picking out a gift for me- his friend would reply- "my wife won't go for that cheap stuff- she only accepts quality things."

If my husband is proud that I have lost weight - his reply was "I'm lucky o - i never had to stress about that - my wife has always kept her body tight".

I know I am rambling- again -sorry - I am just venting -

Do you think I am justified and within my rights to ban the best friend or require that we ALL Ago out together or not at all?

I have been married 15 years and have 3 children with my husband.

I just found out that when he was supposed to be away on business- he had actually flown to another state to visit a "friend' he had been talking to via internet for the past year. I found this out after some investigation that was initiated by some suspicion that "something" wasn't right. He was busted in several lies, and after much nagging and harassment on my part he finally admits that he went to see a woman. He INSISTS that he never had sex with the woman, but he does admitt that he did have romantic/adulterous intent). Part of me thinks he didn't have sex with her, and part of me says "of course he did" - but even the fact that he wined and dined a woman in another state makes me feel insecure and distrustful as he continues to travel each week for job related business.

BUT- I don't get why he did it. I have in recent years been the IDEAL wife. Good, Hot SEX quite frequently- by his own admission. I am independent, but not so much that I cannot serve or submitt to my husband. I guess this hurts so much- because he did this during a time in which I know I have been the best wife I can possibly be. He says, he really didn't have a reason, other than curiosity.

If he had cheated during a time when we were having a season of strife, and constant bickering - then I would not have been so BLINDSIDED.

Now- I beleive in forgiveness, because the bible says that 'All have sinned and falled short of the glory of God." Since then we have reconciled - made love regularly, and had a peaceful dwelling, BUT,

I am secretly HURTING inside. And everytime something even REMINDS ME of the situation- I LITERALLY GET SICK. I get nausea and have to throw-up, or I get headaches, or i am overcome by a sad feeling of depression. I HAVE FORGIVEN HIM, BUT I CAN'T FORGET- AND i REALLY WANT TO FORGET. I feel like I can't be myself- because if I express that I do not agree with something, or if I do not "act happy" and like I have moved on, then maybe I will give him cause to do it again.

I have spoken with him about this- he says he understands that he must earn back my trust. He still apologizes for the hurt he caused me, SO NOW WHAT. I AM STILL HURTING. I am CRYING MYSELF TO SLEEP AT NIGHT, because I JUST CAN't GET OVER THE FACT tHAT IF HE Could do this when things were great between us---just because he had a "curiosity" plus time and opportunity - then what is to prevent him from acting on such a whim in the future?

He is tired of me bringing up the situation- and I am tired of obsessing over it - yet I can't KEEP THE IDEA out of my mind.

What do I do? How do I 'get over it'?