i was going through this funny webpage http://geocities.com/school_life/ about boarding house memories of an fggc owerri ex student(its a must read) , in the middle of the night and i couldnt keep my dads phone down, thank God for mobile internet.anyways it was 4am and i was laughing like mad because it was so funny and enterianing and brought back so much memories good and bad of my days in boarding house, and then idea came to me.

why not get nigerians from all over the world, who went to nigerian boarding schools or who are still there to send some of the funniest and interesting things that happened to them in boarding house or basically just talk about the boarding house experience and compile them all and turn it into a book. I've talked about it with my brother and some people i trust and they think its a good idea, ive been getting some responses from the people ive told but i was hoping that anyone who's reading this that has something funny to share about boarding house can email it to me at bhousememories@yahoo.com

Be real, use pidgin in places where you think it'd give the story a better feel, send as many true stories a possible and if they are very entertaining they'll make the cut.Of course you'll be compensated later on when the book hits the shelves, i need all the help i can get so people please help me make this happen. send it now!!!!

I know i would love to read about something funny that happened in feddy owerri or home science or isl,hmm who knows you probably find your name up in there but anyways please mail me with your name(not compulsory), school(very compulsory) , set you passed out with or class this memorable event happened to you.

Send as many as you want.

And oh if you have boarding house pictures and want to share, that'll be so great.

thanx.

You know, you don't have to send the stories by email. You can also post them here.

Laide.o, I wish you the best in your book publishing venture. Hopefully your story book will be a hit in the market.

Laide,

Good idea. The challenges you'll need to deal with are selecting good enough stories to include and a decent narrative to string all of them together to prevent the book from just looking like people just dumped their stories higgledy piggledy into a disordered heap.

I'm afraid I can't contribute though, even though I did go to boarding school for part of my life. I look back on that period as one which I would honestly rather forget.

Im loving the page so far. That girl must have an "A" in all her descriptive essays. lol,

Btw, i didn't go to boarding school. I wish i did, but then, im glad i didn't.

Damn i wish i went to boarding school. Those stories are juicy!!!

Laide, this is a good idea. Those are the kinds u have anyways. lol,

I wish i can contribute. The chikito girl is killing me with laughter.

:d :d

laide whats up i jam u again for here na wa oo. u to like internet

still expecting those stories people, don't post it here(i don't want people thinking they've read the stories somewhere before)






just email it to bhousememories@yahoo.com

PLEASE PEOPLE!!!!


@ clocky, identify urself!!!

laide o, am composing sumthing but hmmm am not good as such things, lol, just 2 be sure, anything true that happened in da baording house, true story that is

Laide i cant say my name but remeber we met at a cybercafe in ketu some years back,

Top thread laide o! I checked the link and all the memories came gushing. I went to a Federal School as well (Pro Unitate, baby!) and so it was easy to relate even though my school was mixed. No, especially since my school was mixed. Oh, bless.

One thing is certain. Mummy’s boys went in and came out ‘hard men’. ‘Hard men’ went in and came out near-hardened criminals. It was just the way it went - couldn’t be helped. BE SHARP OR DIE! Moreover, you had to man-up quickly enough to resist the sudden urges to throw yourself through the nearest top-floor ‘louverless’ window. In JS1 especially, these urges were plentiful.

I’d be happy to recount some of my experiences (and they are many). First though, if you don't want us to post our stories here, you need to clarify the issue of payment – amount, frequency and method. Which one be “Of course you'll be compensated later on when the book hits the shelves”? Remember say na Federal we go oh! Which kain 'jabo' be that?!

@nutter, i'm really feeling you. i went to a federal school too (pro unitate). Federal government girls college oyo to be precise. i'm really feeling you on what you said. Mommy's girls came out hardened and hardened people really came out harder. girls can be criminals and hateless. Let me not lie, i enjoyed my secondary school years especially when i became a senior. in my junior days, i hated school to death. whenever resumptiion day was approaching, i would feel so sick. On resumption day, senior girls used to be so excited and happy and i always wondered why. they would make us carry their boxes and loads all the way from the school gate to their hostel without considering that we also had our own load to carry and as you know all these federal schools are very big. it always made me feel sick to my stomach. As the term progressed, i always tried to escape the hands of these wicked seniors which is entirely possible. There was something the senior girls always did, they would shout[b] A JUNIOR GIRL !!! [/b] upon which, all the junior girls in the domitory are expected to race to them and form a neat straight line, then the last person in line would be sent on an errand. we did almost everything for them, washed their clothes, socks, carried and washed their plates, did their house work, you can just name it. we were their slaves. yes, i use the word slaves cause they also had the authority to beat us as they wished. they would ask us to lie down flat under the sun while they whipped our butt, hit us, etc. just anything they wished to do. it was truly terrible.
And as you know, in a pack, some people would be good, moderate, bad, extremely bad. hmm, the girls that acted like boys, we called them blokes, were one of the worst people around. you didn't want to step on their toes otherwise, you would be in hot shit. These blokes actually had girl friends. they were lesbians but we called them ichu. i can just keep going on but i better stop here. but before then, one experience i won't forget was when i was in SS1. In my school, we have a tradition that all SS1 students housework was to wash the toilet, sink and bathroom. and occasionally, the sewage would be full so no matter how much you pound the shit, the toilet would overflow, or just smell, be dirty etc. so our supervisor, an SS3 student, was really pissed at the way the toilet was, so she locked us in the toilet and made us clean it but when she came back to inspect, she was like it still wasn't clean, so she made us lie down flat under the scorching sun and on the rough stony ground for a long time, then she beat the hell out of us with a tee square that is about 3feet long. i am not exaggerating. she would raise the tee square so high that she even broke the bulb and then land it on our fragile hands. men, at the end of the flogging session, we were all bleeding and crying. hmm, that was the first time in my life tht i bled while and after been beating. All for a blocked toilet that wasn't my fault. let me stop here.

o no. sorry people but i;m back. i can't believe i just talked about my boarding school experience without including this particular experience that has left a mark on my body. Yes, my hands were scared by this terrible experience. this worst part of it all is that it occured a day to vacation. The principal ordered all the students to clean up the entire school: classes, hostels, roads, incinerator, etc. so all the senior students especially those in ss2 and 3 refused to obey the order. so we the junior girls, did the as the principal said. she(principal) observed that it was only the junior girls that did the work so she ordered that only junior girls eat lunch. ahhhhhh, that day, i ate a full pot of rice aand about 3 pieces of fish. But with the way our dinning hall was designed, the senior girls standing outside could see our smiley faces eating their rice. They were extremely furious. They all vowed that no junior girl would eat dinner. and they meant what they said. By evening, after the bell had rang for dinner, we all rushed to the dinning hall. unfortunately, the kitchen staff were running late. They hadn't washed the pots we used during lunch, meaning they couldn't dish the food. so they asked us to help. i was one of the few that helped. i actually volunteered to help because it sort of guaranteed that i would get food that night. as we were dishing the watering porrage beans, the seniors just decided to start eating the food. they pushed us all and started scraming for lil pots of beans. i was one of the few unlucky ones. i fell into the pot of hot beans. hmmmmmm, my life flashed before me. it was like why am i here afterall, i ate a full pot of rice this afternoon. when i stood up, i discovered that i was covered in buns, scars and blisters. it was serious. it was then that the senior girls also realised what they had done. they rushed us all to the clinic. i would say that i was even one of the lucky ones some other girls injuries were worst, peeled skin, etc. though i am fine now, i still have few scars and whenever i look at it, it always remind me of when i was in JSS2.

hahha, i guess all da PRO UNITATE schools are the same, that is the stories and alll and I can still remember da whole A JUNIOR GURL, lol, A VP we later had forbidded that esp. when they call I NEED A JEW and da VP asked us to always day " I NEED A GENTILE", lol, can't wait 2 write ma experience, i went to FEDERAL GOVERNMENT GIRLS' COLLEGE ONITSHA

i have too many stories to share from lady "koi-koi ", to bathing style "rub and shine" - where u bath with a cup of water, to fighting at the water pump for a bucket of water only to have to donate a bowl of it to every senior in ur dorm , to snake stories, to eating unripe mangos that are practically still white , to every friday manual labor to every saturday inspection, from all the first year students being scrubbed with OMO, cause they were "dirty", to pounding toilet sh*t evry am , to 2 piece of this miserable stone looking stuff they called yams, to "starvation week"


damn thanks for this thread, now i realize i have been scared for life, wonder why am still sane

OMG. bluenubian, everything you just said, happened at my school too. Its like all the pro unitate schools are truely the same.

@everyone, will you send your child to boarding school?

personally, i wouldn't. i think it isn't so worth it.

i will send my child to a boarding school cuzz i believe that the experience you get from a boarding school is what you cant learn unless it happened to you. it is very good way of training a child especially if the boarding school is a good one. it can help a child to be independent and to know that life aint all that rosey and stuff.

i will defintely send them, they can't miss that experience, am looking forward to that, well maybe cuz ma school treated us like princesses

@bluenubian

I remember ‘rub-and-shine’


@Eastcoast

Sorry to hear about the burns/battle scars dear – we’ve all got them for different reasons

But Eastcoast, you girls were always agile when it came to food though – truth be told . The sweetest, kindest girl often transformed into a proper dragon whenever food was involved. Chei ! I remember when the girls in my school meticulously planned an invasion of the dining hall. It was Yam-Po (Yam Porridge) night and the girls rang the bell very early, trooped to the hall and locked the doors. The guys were taken unawares. ‘Wetin dey happen?’, guys were wondering. ‘Dem wan go clean dining hall? No go oh! Dem go say make you help them’ . Little did we know that the girls had no intention of sharing dinner with us that night. Almighty Yam-Po Night of all nights. Imagine!

When the penny dropped, the guys besieged the dining hall on all sides – front, back, sides and even the kitchen entrance.  All were locked and the girls were eating! The whole school was in a state of confusion. Shouts of ‘wetin una think say una dey do?’ and ‘make una come open door oh’, rent the air. Junior boys (like me) also took the opportunity to insult senior girls through the bars in the windows. ‘Una dey craze’, ‘God punish una there’, ‘thunder fire your big yansh’, ‘see your scatter-scatter teeth like machine-gun bullet’ (we had just finished cutting grass, we were very hungry – we were not thinking straight ). Anyway, insults didn’t work so I went to the window near my assigned table. I looked through the bars, made eye-contact with the girls on my table and threw innocent looks which said ‘wetin I do you now?’, ‘me and these other ragamuffins no follow oh’, ‘abeg pity me, hunger dey finish me here’. No matter how hard I tried, those chicks were not buying my baby face. They were looking at me (and munching at the same time) as if they didn’t know who the heck I was. Imagine! Some other boys were pulling on a bar in the window, wanting to free it by any means necessary. I immediately joined in. All our Incredible Hulk and King Kong strength came out that day. Still, nothing. The bar was coming loose but it was cemented into the wall. The only solution was to use something sharp to chip away at the cement. Knives and forks started coming out of pockets. Some were pulling the bar, others were digging frantically (hunger is a powerful motivator any day). We eventually removed the bar (or weapon as one boy clearly believed) and just as we squeezed into the hall, the female prefects opened the doors. The girls had finished eating. Imagine! Luckily, I spotted my female cousin (even she didn’t tell me about the plan - imagine! ) who hooked me up before she escaped with the other girls to their dorm.

The guys were understandably livid when they rushed into the hall. Eyes were red, fists were clenched and cutlery was held in the attack position. I promptly took my illegal loot and sneaked through the window with the now-missing bar/weapon. I was grateful to my cousin but I also made a mental note never to trust her . Needless to say, no girl (on majority of the tables, mine included) ate in the hall for about a week (before nko?) as punishment. They didn’t even bother to come to the hall. They knew the score.

After our anger subsided, our respect for the girls grew significantly. Those chicks didn't mess about! The way they planned and executed their dining hall invasion was simply flawless. If the guys had planned something similar, it would have leaked for sure.

Many of us still fondly remember ‘The Great Yam-Po Massacre’. Songs were written, dances were choreographed - all in honour of our girls. Gosh, those chicks rocked!

hmmmm, una get time to tell all dis stories. if i tell my own. i will take up two pages. i saw hell in boarding school. kai. i even got a scar in ma belly because one senior used boiler to hit me. i got a scar on ma head cuzz i was a beast in school, always fighting. got my ass whooped with my belt all the time i messed up my duties.

every red night, i hold my big johnny cuzz they will put close up at the tip and wake you up and you will shout hell and devil that day . that was how they welcomed me. . they will put pepper in your hand and wake you up den you will rub it on your face unknowingly. when the seniors wann@ whip you,they will pour water on you and make you wet den whip you so the mark will be there. .

every morning you will fetch water for the seniors and do their dirty laundry so they will be your school father and save you from some hard labour. kai, experiences plenty. i go come back come tell my own story proper.

yeah, boarding Skuul is hell

Boarding school stories can never end, like at my school, starting with Princi and them teachers we were alwayz scared of and even dem wicked and mean senior gurls which in most cases ain't even prefects. How can I forget the Monday Games day for us juniors, thursdays Moral Instruction and our famous and never missed afternoon BEANS AND DODO, social nights, weds. YAM-PO, lol, our first ever stipid riot and Maunal Labor which we don't do cuz we have labourers and you can hardly see grasses cuz of the flowers instead we clean classrooms and droms, men, there r alot of dem oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Don't even know where to start but I will start from the most recent one b/4 I graduated from high school.
It was the period we used to call Famine period. (The period when trade by barter doesn't work cuz nobody has anything to exchange with. The season when the most troublesome people lose all the energy to talk and look for trouble and the the period when those ppl with protruding stomach go flat, the most quiet period in school then).My mother had just visited me that early morning and brought food and provisions for me. I was so happy that she came that day but wasn't all that happy cuz she came when we were about to go to class and they were chasing us out of the hostel so I dropped my food immediately under the bed and ran out to go to the assembly ground. As the teachers were teaching that day, my mind, my spirit and my heart evrything was on that food. To me that day seemed to be the longest day in the class. Around 1:30 pm as the school was about to dismiss, my stomach had already started enjoying, singing, dancing and everything and in my mind I was thinking of how I was gonn devour on that food. So finally when the day was over and people were moving slowly back to their hostels. I was moving so fast. Didn't know whether I was running or not . Maybe I was running in my mind cuz I wasn't sure if I had the energy to even carry my stuff. I had reached my hostel that day Very happy.I quickly dropped my bag on the bed and rushed to my cupboard to get my plate. I got three plates to share the food amongst my corner mates. As I came back to my bed, I sat for about 30 seconds to breathe and as I grabbed the cooler with this energy knowing that sth was inside, the cooler went up in the air so fast. At first I was like "NO, this is not true". I quickly dropped the cooler and opened it. Lo and behold the whole food was gone . "Who ate my food"?I shouted with the least energy that I had but no one answered. Some people laughed of course it was funny but I just went outside and as I was washing the cooler I was crying like a baby. It was like I was slapped on the face as I began to see stars. Anyways this is just one of the least. I will come back again with more stories to tell.

well, i also went to a boarding school. fggc umuahia. i didnt go through all those purnishments because i was directly after the pioneer set.but i have some intrested stories to tell.skull wss just too hard that when ever i thought about resumption ill start crying. i didnt know if ill start with the fact that the school gate will not be opened again until closing date.there was this regular occasion of spirits around the hostel and on this faithfull day in my jss1 two of my roommates dressed in white n robbed white powder to come n scare us but unfortunatetly 4 them they where cought by my house mistress and she assigned them to stand at strategic points arround the hostel through out the night. by the time they came in in the morning they where looking half dead. that same housemistress looked like a witch ou tof over bleashing and every night she remembers us we r in 4 big trouble.when she knocks at night and the door is not oppened well all see hell the next day,then if the door is opened shell start flooging the person that oppened it.if she flogs u n u dnt wake up, she will claim dt ur pretending and continue to flog u. on the other hand if she flogs u n u wake immediately,shell claim uve not gone to bed and proceed to beat the living daylight out of ur body.there was nothing we could do to please her,so we all decided that the next time shell come to the room we will all pretend dt we r sleeping and if she comes to flog u u will pretend as if ur feelling sleepy and give her adirty slap.u wont beleive it but it worked.each time we such slape she will feel we r actually sleeping and she will leave the room

If I wrote on my boarding house experience, it would definitely fill a book. And @Nutter, from that story of yours about the great yam-po massacre, I definitely remember that night (fgce in the early 90s). Man, weren't we livid. But when I look back at the stunts we pulled then, and how polished and refined most of us appear to the world, i can't help smiling. Definitely my kids would go to a boarding house, preferably in Naija.

@ awww, so u went to FEDI Enugu,

Don't tell me you were there too? How long ago?

@Naijaflyer,

No it wasn't Enugu. You mean a similar 'massacre' took place there too?

I hated it they dealt with me in a bad way. The girl next to me had lice(it was always two beds joined together she was in class 5 and i in one and i could not complain. I could only take over the lice.I left after only one term.
I came back as a Senior (even changed school)
Well i did not punish anyone only once but my classmates made me I was in class 5 and had a friend in class 3 well one day she forgot herself and insulted me in front of my classmates.( I was known for not punishing ) but this time they put their foot down till i gave her a punishment. (To scrub the toilets) she refused and got ready to go on an interschoolsports outing .The houseprefet called her back she had to scrub the toilets and had to stay in school on that day ,the schoolbus had gone without her.That was the first and last time i ever punished anyone.
Our principal was one mean bitch. But she took good care.
IN our class five she made the rest of the school fill some drums with water for us class 5 students.She came veryoften to the dining to see that our food was good. Then she wanted her final year students to have it as comfortable as possible

i hope u guys dont mind if i use ur stories, for thr book thingie, pls pls pls if you got more stories post it here or email them to me @ bhousememories@yahoo.com


please please please, thanks in advance.

@laide o,

I still dey try understand this system wey you carry come. You no wan talk money again? Ah, ah? Biko I mind. My story as reproduced above enjoys full copyright. No go bring court case on top your head because of juvenile wey struggle for food oh