I had coped with a broken heart in the past. I would like to share my story with the forum with the hope that this story can be a source of strength and encouragement for someone.  (Please forgive any mistake you may encounter in my post. French is my first language and I am on this forum to sharpen my writing skills. Nevertheless, any feedback would be welcome).

When your heart has been broken,  you can either wallow in self pity about someone you can’t control, or you can pick up and move on, knowing that there are millions of people out there you haven’t met yet – one of whom has to be looking for someone like you.

I was very happy with my ex-girlfriend. She was a great person, a woman of my dream. We complimented each other perfectly and were so happy that God placed us into one another’s life to be a source of blessing and encouragement. We were planning to get married and were looking forward to that day. Our wedding preparation was on its early stage. Then, all of the sudden, we were forced to break up. And, this break up was very devastating.

It all started one morning when I called her for our daily prayer and devotion.
“I need to talk to you,” she told me.
“Go ahead, talk to me,” I replied.
“No, I can’t talk about this over the phone. I have to meet with you in person.”
This sounded extremely odd. We never had an argument.  We were growing very close and had shared almost everything over the phone. Now, what was it that she couldn’t talk to me over the phone? In an instant, my heart started to race as I guessed where this could be going. I’d heard that phrase before. I couldn’t wait to hear what she had to tell me; therefore, I insisted that she delivered her message over the phone.
Then she got straight to the point, “I need to take some time off from the relationship.”

Those words hit me like a ton of bricks. I never saw this coming. Everything had been going smooth with our relationship. There had been no warnings, no fights, and no change in temperature. She always seemed to be happy with me and was always enthusiastic about our wedding plan. I couldn’t understand the meaning of this.
“What is the matter,” I asked her franticly.
“My ex-boyfriend had popped up back into my life. And I realized I am not over him yet. I need some time off to think of where to go from here.”
At this, I felt the ground giving out from under my bed. I was shaking. No! That couldn’t be true. I loved her so much. I started to cry, and I hang up the phone.

I didn’t believe I was about to lose the woman of my dream, my whole world was about to collapse. I gave her a call the following day with the hope of saving the relationship. I reminded her that she always told me how much of a blessing I had been into her life. I reminded her that she always told me she loved me. In one of her emails she wrote to me “I am so glad that God has blinded the eyes of the others before you because I truly think you were handpicked for me.”
I asked her if the words she always told me were all lies. She told they were all truth.
If they were all truth, how this ex –boyfriend could become an issue?
“You won’t understand,” she answered me.  Of course I couldn’t understand. 
She made up her mind to go back to her ex-boyfriend. We had our farewell prayer on the phone that day. It was very emotional. And then, she was out of my life.

The pain that occurred from this breakup was extremely devastating and one of the worst things I had ever been through. In the weeks that followed, I was crushed under the deepest agony. I couldn’t eat.  I lost so much weight. I was crying all the time over my ordeal. I would keep trying to fight the tears back. I didn't want people seeing me in this condition. And when I was at work,  I would often retreat to the bathroom to release the flood of tears.  Life became unbearable and completely empty without her. Sleeping was another challenge. I couldn’t sleep for more than an hour in a given day. Each day, I was exhausted physically, emotionally and mentally. My entire world had collapsed. She was gone. That was like ripping my heart out and leaving me to bleed to death.

I was filled with feelings of depression, loss, abandonment, anger, pain, grief, jealousy and betrayal. I was bordering insanity. I needed to see her. I needed to cry out to her. I needed to talk to her so badly but I couldn’t. She was out of my life. I resisted the urge to call her. I had already decided not to contact her. Staying in touch with her would only cause me more pain than I could handle. In addition to that, crying my pain out to her would make me look like an extreme jackass who couldn’t cope with being without her. As the say goes, “If you can’t save a relationship, at least save your dignity”.

There was no more hope.  She wasn’t going to come back.  I realized that there was nothing worth holding onto her. I was facing the monumental task of rebuilding my life after I had devoted so much to a relationship that just failed. The task seemed impossible at fist. However, little by little, I forced myself to start picking the fragments of my broken heart. I still had no desire for foods, but I started to force myself to eat. For I thought, if I don’t force myself to eat, I will surely die. On weekends, I would take myself out to movies and restaurants. I started to enjoy things that I would never imagine I could enjoy by myself. But, in spite of all my effort to forget her, the pain was still present. The pain couldn’t leave me.

To help alleviate my grief, I fully engaged in new hobbies and activities. I became very active in my church and my community. I wrote stories for my church website. I created websites for people. I became busy with my life, always doing something.   I even became very dedicated to my employer. I changed my work habits.  My hard work paid. I was named the employee of the month in the company. Then, I got a new job with double pay. In the new job, I learned new computer programming skills. I changed my entire wardrobe and bought myself a new car.

Then, I joined a fitness club and started to work out daily.  I started building muscles and put on 50 lbs.  I was no longer a skinny man but, instead I became a big and strong man, a complete different person. Everyone who would look at me could see the positive transformation that was taking place in my life. Some people were talking about the work of the Holy Spirit in my life where in fact it was the work of a broken heart.

I was introduced to a beautiful lady in the beginning of 2006. At that time, I was still nursing the wound of the broken heart, and I was very afraid of relationships.  However, one year later, I gave her a call. This was around March of 2007.  Thanks God, she was still single. I told her that I wanted to marry her. Her answer was a yes.  Everything went fast and smooth. We had our wedding on September 29th, 2007. It was a small wedding, about 80 guests.  The Lord had answered my prayers. He had wiped away my tears, and had made me forget all my troubles and pains. The Lord had given me a testimony.

In short, my broken heart experience had made me discovered a part of myself that I never knew existed. It had helped me bringing into surface some of the attributes that were buried deep down in me. I can look back in time and laugh at all the pains and sufferings I have been through. Back then, I could never think I would come out of it alive.

If you have been tossed unclothed in the desert, don’t lose hope. You can still walk out of that desert and out of your unclothedness with a brand new suit, a pair of alligator shoes and a new song. I am a living testimony.  Life is a long journey; it takes us places we never dreamed of; some are good and some are not that good, but we get out every time with a new experience or knowledge. And sometimes a lesson can be learned only long time after the event. A broken heart can also be a blessing in disguise. 

Most important, a broken heart isn't a broken dream nor a broken hope. Suffer, grow and overcome.

[b]Here are some devotional words from the Bishop T.D. Jakes to help a broken heart understand that it is useless crying over spilled milk:

There are people who can walk away from you.
And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk away from you: let them walk.

I don't want you to try to talk another person into staying with you,  loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you. I mean hang up the phone and move on.

When people can walk away from you,  let them walk.
Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.

People leave you because they are not joined to you.  And if they are not joined to you, you can't make them stay.
People leave you because they are not attached to you. And if they are not attached to you, you can't make them stay.
People leave you because they weren't born with you. And if they weren't born with you, you can't make them stay.

And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person, it just means that their part in the story is over.
And you've got to know when people's part in your story is over so that you don't keep trying to raise the dead.

You've got to know when it's dead.
You've got to know when it's over. 

Let me tell you something. I've got the gift of good-bye. It's the tenth spiritual gift, I believe in good-bye.
It's not that I'm hateful, it's that I'm faithful, and I know whatever God means for me to have He'll give it to me.
And if it takes too much sweat,  I don't need it.
Stop begging people to stay.

If you are holding on to something that doesn't belong to you and was never intended for your life, then you need to,  Let it Go.[/b]

TheCongo:

 
If you have been tossed unclothed in the desert, don’t lose hope. You can still walk out of that desert and out of your unclothedness with a brand new suit, a pair of alligator shoes and a new song. I am a living testimony.  Life is a long journey; it takes us places we never dreamed of; some are good and some are not that good, but we get out every time with a new experience or knowledge. And sometimes a lesson can be learned only long time after the event. A broken heart can also be a blessing in disguise.  Suffer, grow, and overcome.

What if there are children involved? I want to be a part of my children's life. God chose me as their Dad and caregiver for a reason, as part of their destiny, will i be able to move on too


Heck it is even Father's day today

TheCongo:


People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can't make them stay.
And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person, it just means that their part in the story is over. And you've got to know when people's part in your story is over so that you don't keep trying to raise the dead.

.[/b]

for me, this is the most important thing you've said here.

oops. this is too long to read.

Broken HearT? Re-shuffle it back n u wiLL be finE

safe

**dies**

@odiaero pics~

I must commend u 4 takn time 2 write that lengthy piece.U've done so well by posting this story of yours.In fact, I am happy 4 u that u have a fulfilled life thereafter.Thank God!Thanks 4 that words of encouragement.U've saved a soul.

Too lenthy!Make i first wack my pounded yam and ofe nsala. .need energy 2 read ur post.

God bless you Mr Congo!

Who read?

Summary plse any1?

Pweety4me:

Who read?

Summary plse any1?

the summarized story is
AND 190 AND PWEETY LIVED EVER AFTER

wow! lengthy but quite encouraging. Nice one poster!
Never had it broken before,and don't know how the xperience feels,but won't joke with my meals even though i put other thing to a total halt.

@ Poster: Its very inspiring and thanks for sharing your story. Tears that long to fall have finally rolled down while reading this.

D summary is dt d poster had a broken relationship with his would have been wife,and in d process of trying to heal d wound, he discovered some of his hidden talents, and in addition God blessed his career and still gave him a better n beautiful wife! He ended up telling us that some1 left us does not mean d end of our road bt rather dt hs/hr part in our story has ended thus we need not push further! According to him, it could b blessing in disguise, Lol

I must commend you for being able to reach deep down to your strong will-power which you initially did not know you possessed.I also want to congratulate you on your relatively good command of English language as manifested in your thread.Lots of postings on this forum are quite nauseating and they live much to be desired in terms of the quality of graduates that our tertiary institutions are turning out.Good posting you had there.Please keep it up

Awwwhh. Such a beautiful story. Thanks for sharing and may God bless your marriage. 

P.S

All those saying its too long! Are you being forced to read? Or must you peeps always seize every opportunity to display your stupidity? Mtchewwww!

TheCongo:

And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person, it just means that their part in the story is over. And you've got to know when people's part in your story is over so that you don't keep trying to raise the dead.

Some time ago, I was trynna understand a particular situation, I wanted to understand why 2 people who seem to be compatible and inseparable would slowly drift apart. I thought here and there, asked maself different questions and I came to ma own conclusion, which seems to be the best explanation for it :
''For everyone that comes into Your life [No matter how much time they spend], there's a purpose - Either to teach You sum'n' or to learn sum'n', to give You sum'n' or to take sum'n' - and when this purpose is  fulfilled, they go and I should learn to let them go, because they've completed their assignment. If I try to hold them much longer than they ought to stay, I might just be creating blights I can't handle'' .
It has worked for me and it's nice to know someone shares a similar thought.


Beautiful story!!!

@poster nice one i'll say. twas really encouraging,touching, thanks for taking your time to write this.i bet you don't know how much this piece helped.well done bro!! and i wish you and your wife well.

Missy B:

Some time ago, I was trynna understand a particular situation, I wanted to understand why 2 people who seem to be compatible and inseparable would slowly drift apart. I thought here and there, asked maself different questions and I came to ma own conclusion, which seems to be the best explanation for it :
''For everyone that comes into Your life [No matter how much time they spend], there's a purpose - Either to teach You sum'n' or to learn sum'n', to give You sum'n' or to take sum'n' - and when this purpose is fulfilled, they go and I should learn to let them go, because they've completed their assignment. If I try to hold them much longer than they ought to stay, I might just be creating blights I can't handle'' .
It has worked for me and it's nice to know someone shares a similar thought.


Beautiful story!!!

You must be a blessing to your family and friends. Your words are sooooo touching.

this is touching, i had to break my no romance section embargo cos of this thread.

breakups are mad painful i agree, (had one or two really bad ones,) and sometimes i feel like i'm staring one right in the face now, but your post gives helps me to realize there's life after a breakup, it reminds me there's hope, life doesn't end.

madlady:

You must be a blessing to your family and friends. Your words are sooooo touching.

@poster and @Missy
u av both succeeded in forcing the tears that refused to drop from my eyes when i got my new year gift (heartbreak) from my fiance in Jan.
what made me emotional is the fact that i refused to let go until things became this bad. i used the Bishop Jakes's guide and by the grace of God, i didn't regret but thanked God that it Happened especially the way it did.

Bros u almost told the world my life history. Please i will like to get your permission to tell your story to millions of people that are not on nairaland. Mail full story to osarich4love@yahoo.co.uk if u consent.
HAPPY MARRIED LIFE!

@ Missy B: You really moved me and awakened the tingling pain inside by reading your post. I used to ask why do people fall in love and end up crying? Why does loving sometimes never stay long and why do lovers have to walk away from themselves ? Things that I don't get before.

Yes, you are right as you said ''For everyone that comes into Your life [No matter how much time they spend], there's a purpose - Either to teach You sum'n' or to learn sum'n', to give You sum'n' or to take sum'n' - and when this purpose is fulfilled, they go and I should learn to let them go, because they've completed their assignment. If I try to hold them much longer than they ought to stay, I might just be creating blights I can't handle''.

We just have to learn that everything happens for a reason and when we lose something it will come back in a better form. It’s nice to know people sharing their painful experience and see it in a positive way. Thank you for sharing this too.

this writing is more than enough to create a Nollywood script in Nigeria, and poster should be paid for this lol

@t

^^

@TheCongo thanks for the story thought it would be painfull to go through as it was long but it was surprisingly pleasant to read. I just have one question and honestly out of curiousity "exactly how did you cope s3xualy when your girlfriend was away and during the break up period and until you found the new one? would I be right guessing that you were a virgin all along? I mean no disrespect here just really curious.