₦airaland Forum

Nancy2016:
I think I know what the OP is trying to say. Yes he's grateful for all the sacrifices his sister made in order to take care of the family, but when he sees the sister's current status, he feels she should have also thought about herself. We have people abroad who live in what can be termed as slums, they work all kinds of hours so that they can save money to send to their families back home. Some of them rarely treat themselves because they feel it would take away from their savings.
I remember a story of a Ghanaian who was found dead in the attic of a home. This guy died with thousands of pounds but his lifestyle was that of a pauper. He was building a home in Ghana. Guess who is living in the house he built and living a lavish life, his younger brother.
Going back to the OP's story, his sister should have done what she could but also put herself first from time to time. A wedding isn't important and university students should work part time to take care of their personal needs.

You have said it all.
Whatever situation we find Yourselves, Your responsibility is to to yourself first then others follows.

I feel so sad for her. Hope she learnt her lesson.

Number 1,2 and 3 are very correct, don't know about the rest.

The reason the op is acting this way is because he has a crush on the wife.

Advice to the op is that he should mind his business. This is a grown up man who is aware of the consequence of his actions and so like wise the man's wife, as human most have thought of the danger of leaving her husband for such a long time. And nobody knows if she is even sleeping with someone where she schools.

We are all human, we have needs that should be met at some point even if you don't mean to hurt someone.

So @op I will advice you to stay out of this and pretend you did not see or notice anything. Let the both of them handle their mess or you that a chance of being in the center of their drama.
You have done enough by speaking to him and let it end there.

And least I forget, it's OK to have a crush but don't let your emotions to lead do something that you will regret.

I see potential meme

raumdeuter:
Do exactly this, And when you hear your kids open a thread or describe you to their friends they will say "My mom is the most paranoid person in the world, My gf cant even sleep over", She didnt even allow me to plait my hair like Timaya, get tattoos like Davido, go for night parties and chill with Olamide etc Or young daughter wants to be taking and posting sexxy pictures online

If this current world is like this, Imagine what their generations will be like, I am assuming you dont have teenage kids yet.

The demands of teenagers are excessive and they think they are grown up, a parent need to be enforce certain ground rules else the kid would just be lost.

WHen you are out of my house you can do as you wish, Shebi when I was in uni were my parents there to know where I was sleeping?

I know all this, what I am stressing here is when it becomes too much from the parents it harms the child.
We are not here to please our children so that they can like us because either ways they will always find something to say.
The issue here is are we giving Them enough opportunity to make decisions for themselves and also allowing Them to own Up to whatever that comes with it. Not always protecting from experiences which will help to build them in the future.

Parents are not there to please or make friends with children but there to lead them on the right path and also more importantly trusting them that they will do what is right.
The trust is very important.

raumdeuter:
You think a teenage boy would be served better to allow him attend all night parties and have girlfriends sleep over or have your teenage daughter go sleepover at boyfriends

OK, let me use the Nigerian context.
I will not allow my child in secondary school go to Night club and Also not bring their girlfriends home. When he goes to university or living on his own he can do whatever he likes.
Same for my daughters, no sleep overs at boyfriends when they are still in secondary school.

But of course, rules can be bent a little to allow on few occasions but under supervision from matured adults.

raumdeuter:
Almost every teenager has at least one time complained about their parents. I also complained about my parents because I saw my friends who were allowed to go for all night parties at 16-17 while I had a curfew of when I must be home

I see friends who at 18 can bring their girlfriends to sleep all night and I thought what lucky kids I wished I had parents like this cos till I left my parents house no female was allowed to sleep over in my house

But when I checked what happened to most of them as a result of the freedom they were given as teenagers I was glad I was restricted as a teen

Good for you.

raumdeuter:
There is no kid who doesnt have friend since they go to school and make friends. Have you seen any parent who tell their kids when going to school not to talk to anyone nor have friends?

The only situation you described is when the child has shown judgment in choosing friends and consistently choose bad ones, At that point I see no reason why they cant be grounded

They cant play outside of the environment is dangerous, or they go beyond the prescribed play boundaries

If you have had such parents you won't be talking like this. You did to experience it to know what it truly is.

raumdeuter:
So whats an example of protection and whats an example of overprotection

Protection is caring about their needs, knowing who their friends are, what they do. Generally, it's being aware of their environment and showing them that you love, care and most importantly you trust them.

Overprotection is nearly the opposite.
The parents sees everything around the children as a potential danger. Their friends, they may try to find fault in their friends, even when it is harmless( no one is perfect), So the children should not hang Out with them. to them Also, the school might be corrupting their children, so They might decide to visit the school maybe everyDay to see what the children are up to. They fear everything Around their children, so instead of letting the children explore they lock them in the house In a bid to protect them.
This most times is not about the children but as a result of the parents Fear and anxiety and also the parents might have had similar experience And treatment when they were young From their own and . You can't possibly give what you don't have.

All these Prevent the child from growing up. Mixing with their mate becomes a problem because they have being secluded from that environment for a long time. It often leads to insecurities issues especially when theY are teenagers and young adults.

Sometimes what you are preventing them from when they get a little while opportunity they wants to explore it all. Losing their mind and self in the process.

raumdeuter:
Are you saying if you have teenagers you will allow them to do whatever they want stay out as long as they want, you wont care about the type of company they keep, dress anyhow they want, drink or smoke as they want

Of course I will care about what they do and the company they keep. That's normal.
But here we are taking about over protection .
According to Macmillan dictionary over protection means "being so worried about the safety or success of your children that you do too many things for them and prevent them from being independent"

Yewandequeen:
No way

Lailai

8 is for my boobs and arse. Sorry love cant dash u that.

Fine, I will manage what I have until I find a donor ☺

Yewandequeen:
Hell no.

Geez. Ure a longer throat

I offered u 5 to be 60 but u want 8 to be 63 leaving me to be 72 :ogawd
Ure indirectly asking for my boobs and arse girl hell no.

Am not even giving u anything again .

Now I get you, you thought I typed 55, I actually typed 64, so if you give me 8, I will then be 72 and you will also be 72. Then we will become Nairaland made twins. And everyone will be happy even God. ☺

raumdeuter:
Let children be? Do you know some of the consequences of letting children be? Children dont know good from evil in most cases and by the time they find out it might be too late

If you are a parent wont you enforce a strict time on your kids to come back home or you just let them come home at anytime they want and make mistakes that are common with night crawlers

I am talking about teenagers and young adults here.

Iamhatey:
I'm not joking ma. It's 40.

I have tried to add weight but it's not working for me. May be when I start giving birth.

Why do you want to add butt and boobs . Your guy is complaining?
I have accepted my body the way it is. Some guys like slim girls thou.

It's not because of a guy that I want more boobs and butt. Clothes actually gets more definition when those stuffs get pronounced a little.

About you weighing 40, you can work on having more bone density to increase your weight not necessarily fat.

Yewandequeen:
Let me dash u small.
Am 80,won't mind giving you 5.

Lol
I don't mind 8 sha

No you won't be born, so be grateful.

To say the truth, it is harder to be alive than to be dead.
Only the strong willed pulls through eventually.

You can protect your Child be it male or female. But when you OVER protect them, that is no longer protection but fear from the parents side that they don't trust theIr child that he/she will be responsible out there.
Over protection damage the child psychologically which in the long term might lead to low self-esteem because the child would Not trust themselves When they eventually go outside.

Parents should just let their children be. Instead of Being over protectivE they should teach them to take responsibility for their actions and learn from theIr mistakes. This will even make them to have a stronger personality.

Depending on the situation and environment that I am in, I will first say "hello", greeting follows(depending on the reply I get from the first greeting) then I will ask a question.

I will go fÛck a girl and see how it feels from the other end.

Iamhatey:
You weigh 55

Better goan sit down.

I weigh 40. I have tried to add weight and when I do, I purge so tey I will end up loosing weight instead of adding it. I already give up on adding weight

I can't believe you weigh 40 or you must be joking.
I weigh 64 but I feel the need to weigh more to add more butt and boobs.

ShaqFu:
Hope Dangote will not come and contest for president in 2019.

He can if he wants but he doesn't have the guts.

ShaqFu:
Hope Dangote will not come and contest for president in 2019.

He can if he wants but he doesn't have the gut.

What is a red and a swing state. Why are they so important in the election.

Who noticed papa ajasco.
How time flies. He doesn't look too great given that he featured in a popular TV show that aired for more than a decade

Love your walls in the fifth picture.

Berbierklaus:
This is not a matter if feminist or not.

And right here and now,I am not copying western cultures,I am only saying what should be fair to me as a girl.

A girl should not be compelled to stay in a loveless,nonfunctional or even violent relationship,because there is a limit she can go with the number of men she has been with. that's hogwash.

A girl should not remain single and forfeit her happiness because the society has given her the grace to be with a certain number of guys,that's another hogwash there.


PS:I am perplexed and shocked that you could go so low,then again,we are humans,we don't stop surprising ourselves

I am with you on this.
There should not be a Limit to the number of men that a girl should date before marriage.
Every one should have as many partner as they want Irrespective of the gender. What every reason they Chose to date that person becomes their business.

All Lilian wanted was a child, now she has gotten want she want, marriage ends.