₦airaland Forum

sureteeboy: Mtcheew!! Olamide dropped 2 tracks yesterday and non of them made homepage. What's wizkid singing? His days are gone!!

you dey complain? when last you see 9ice songs for frontpage? Illuminati dey Nairaland

so, some of you are gullible enough to believe that Lamido/Amaechi can wrestle the PDP ticket from the hands of a sitting President? these Nairaland political analysts sef

GEJ

Influential US magazine Foreign Policy (FP) has released its inaugural list of 500 most powerful people on the planet, and three Nigerians made the cut.

Goodluck Jonathan, Aliko Dangote and William Kumuyi, made it into the list of what the magazine called the 0.000007 percent.

The names mentioned on the FP Power Map include presidents, business men, politicians, clerics, military commanders, and even terrorists.

The magazine however did not describe in detail the level of influence wielded by the individuals on the list.

In a short explanatory note, the magazine wrote: “Is it possible to identify the 500 most powerful individuals on the planet — one in 14 million? That’s what we tried to do with the inaugural FP Power Map, our inventory of the people who control the commanding heights of the industries that run the world, from politics to high finance, media to energy, warfare to religion. Think of it as a list of all the most important other lists. Here’s how they stack up — and why (sorry, declinists!) Americans are still No. 1 in pretty much everything that matters. For now.

“Where possible, we took a “list of lists” approach, consulting the authoritative rankings for a given industry and substituting judgment where quantitative assessments do not exist. Among our sources: Box Office Mojo Yearly Box Office, Citypopulation.de by Thomas Brinkoff, Forbes 100 Most Powerful Women, Forbes World’s Most Powerful People, Global Finance World’s 50 Biggest Banks, Fortune Global 500, Global Journal Top 100 NGOs, Institute of Media and Communications Policy International Media Corporations, Pensions & Investments/Towers Watson World 500, PFC Energy 50, SIPRI Military Expenditure Database and SIPRI Top 100 companies, Sovereign Wealth Fund Institute Fund Rankings, Times Higher Education World University Rankings by Thomson Reuters, Vanity Fair New Establishment List, Wall Street Journal MarketWatch World’s Largest Mutual Funds.”

William Kumuyi, who is the General Superintendent of the Deeper Life Christian Ministry, was mentioned as having the world’s largest megachurch, with weekly attendance of 75,000 people.

On Dangote, the magazine noted that “in the last 10 years, Asia and Latin America have burst into the scene with seven new billionaires in the Top 50 – and so has Africa, which now has a billionaire of its own, Aliko Dangote, a cement and sugar magnate from Nigeria.”

fckyourman: My list is

1- Vic o he is just wack lack music sense.
2- Tonto dikeh- too much auto tune to correct her voice and she still sounds bad.

Let see your list ?

k

FRONT PAGE PLEASE

I once heard a story from my Uncle’s brother’s son’s cousin’s cousin who in turn heard it from his wife’s sister’s boyfriend’s friend. He begged me fervently not to tell anyone. But you see, I have diarrhoea of the mouth and I just can’t help myself. I am now telling this tale to you. Mind you, I am not asking you to tell your enemy’s friend’s friend’s enemy. If you know you would, don’t quote me o.

Ehn ehn, as regards the story I heard from multiple sources, there was a business transaction which was ‘incorporated’ in 1914 and which has culminated in a series of wahala and brouhaha going on in a company called Naigaria today.

Story, story….. Once upon a time, there was a man named Alagba Lord Laguda. He was an Albino and was sent by one Queen from the Land of the Albinos who speak through their noses to be the guardian for some ‘people’. Alagba Laguda had a very wild moustache that he used in sipping Kai-kai, Stout and Trophy. He left his wife Mrs. Laguda in Landan and kept a concubine called Miss Flora Shawo.

One particular evening after he had taken Kai-kai mixed with Alomo, he took a trip ‘INTO’ Miss Flora Shawo (I didn’t say anything o). Not satisfied after the first trip, he took another trip there which took him 20 minutes to complete. After the two ‘tortuous’ trips, they both engaged in a discussion and the following ensued;

Miss Flora Shawo: “My dear Laguda, why don’t you compel Messer Arewa, Ndigbo, Yoruba, Ujaw, Atshekiri and the other minority guys to form a company?

Alagba Laguda; “Ah, that won’t be a funny idea o. These people have different characters and are not compatible. See, Mr Arewa is a man with very short fuse. He also believes it is his right to be in charge of everything and to LEAD. As for Mr Ndigbo, he is very greedy and obsessed with money. He cannot even remove an insect from his mother’s eye for free. Mr Yoruba believes he is the most educated person in this world. He is so arrogant and never sees anything good in others. As for the minorities like Ujaw, Atshekiri, Ababio and co, they also have strange behaviours.

Miss Flora Shawo: “You see my dear, their incompatibility isn’t our concern. Force them to start a business and you take your commission. Meanwhile, you should put Mr Arewa in charge.

Alagba Laguda: “Okay then. But what name should we called the business entity they would set up

Miss Flora Shawa: “(After thinking for a while). You know that Lake at the back of our house called Naiga? It is a beautiful name. Let us name their business after the lake and call it “NAIGARIA PLC”.

So, that was how Naigaria Plc was born.

Mr Arewa was in charge of the business. In as much as he was not very learned, he believed it was his right to be in charge. Mr Yoruba who was the most educated and who believed himself to be better than the others kept checks and balances on Mr Arewa as he ran the business. He led the opposition. However Mr. Ndigbo-himself and Mr. Arewa never liked each other. Mr Arewa saw him as someone that should never be kept in charge of money while he in turn believed Mr. Arewa to be an illiterate.

Naigaria Plc was a joint venture. Mr Arewa produced Tomatoes, Onions, Pepper and rice. Mr. Ndigbo produced Tin, Palmoil, Salt and yams. Mr Yoruba the ‘sophisticated’ man produced Cocoa and spent a lot of money educating his people by organizing free education for them. Meanwhile the minority shareholders in the business contributed little things and had no say in the scheme of things.

All these shareholders suspected each other and NEVER liked each other.

All of a sudden, Mr Ujaw and Mr Ushekiri discovered crude oil in their backyards and that was the ‘in-thing’. They started trading the oil at the international market. Mr Yoruba, Ndigbo and Arewa abandoned their native businesses because of the oil.

This meant more money for Naigaria Plc. It was expected that since they were making so much money, they should develop their homes, have portable roads, good electricity, good schools and so on. This was not to be. They got greedy and this made Naigaria to be grossly under-developed.

They then decided to be democratic in choosing the managing director of Naigaria plc. Part of the majority and the minority formed the PEOPLE DECIEVING PEOPLE (PDP) caucus. The party’s is made of a mixture of people-Intelligent, criminals, kleptomaniacs, technocrats, dumb heads, etc. Mr. Yoruba who believes he is the most intelligent person ever created by God created the ALREADY DEAD (AD) caucus. Some children of Mr. Arewa decided to float a caucus called Association for Nurturing Private Pockets (ANPP).

The PDP has been in charge of Naigaria since 1999 and things haven’t moved forward much. Yet one way or the other, they win elections. Meanwhile, because it is a caucus of many people, whoever felt offended within the PDP would cross-carpet and become a saint, especially after he has stolen from Naigaria Plc’s treasury (an example is a short mallam who is always tweeting).

The AD broke up and one frog-eyed man became the leader of the Yaribas. He later changed the AD to ACN (Association of Corrupt Nigerians).

Meanwhile, almost everybody in Naigaria has become a kleptomaniac. Some of the political parties however pretend to be saints when they are in fact ‘2 horned beasts’. A leader of one of the opposition parties imposed his wife on his people as a Senator, has his children in the Eko House of Assembly, has a Newspaper named “THEIR NATIONAL”, has a Television station called ‘Tele Vision Cable. He has no ascertainable source of income but yet he is a very wealthy man.

One of his closest associates is a Governor that has moustache like a cheap ileya ram called ‘Gisoro’ while he imposed one called Waji Oluwashola as Governor of Eko State. Mr Oluwashola is known for his hatred for the poor. Whenever he wants to close a market and the traders refuse, the market would be burnt down one way or the other and it would be blamed on the devil.

As I was saying jare, things haven’t improved in Naigaria PLC. A clueless looking man is now President and people are stealing money under him. People are however stealing money under the states controlled by the Association of Corrupt Nigerians (ACN) too. Infact, people steal money from under ALL the caucuses. One of the caucuses called CPC (Chop make Person Chop) controls only one state in the country. Not too long ago, students from the university owned by the state went on protest because their Governor had either forgotten or refused to provide them with pipe borne water. While they were protesting, they were shot by soldiers.

That caucus (CPC) is at the forefront of those that want to rescue Naigaria from the claws of the evil PDP. And yet, they can’t control the one state that rule well.

As the story goes, these others caucuses are finding it difficult to chase PDP from the post of Managing Director. They want to enjoy what the PDP is enjoying too. Like what Yaribas call ‘APAPO ELEIYE’ (Gathering of the witches), these caucuses met and decided that they should form a merger and chase the PDP from power. The money they are stealing isn’t enough for them, they need more and the PDP has to go.

Politicians from the PDP who have had their hands removed from the ‘National’ cake suddenly became political activists and crossed to the Association for Corrupt Nigerians (ACN). One of them’s name is like that of a popular milk called DANO. He is an activist and yet rides a BENTLEY of 65 MILLION Naira (Executive Activism). We also have many like him who after leaving the PDP suddenly became afflicted with ‘selective’ myopia!

The run-away thieves from the PDP, the party headed by that Yoruba man who is very rich but shouldn’t be questioned, people from Chop make Person Chop, Association for Nurturing Private Pockets suddenly came together to form a MEGA caucus called APC. Whilst some said APC means Another Problem Coming, others said it means Area People’s Congress. I think It is called Association for Progressive Corruption.

And so the story ends, the APC (thieves) wants to chase the PDP (thieves) from the post of Managing Director of Naigaria and their intention is not the quest to make Naigaria better but GREED. They want to enjoy what the PDP is enjoying.

Now that the story is over, I haven’t stopped wondering. We know those PDP people are BAD but are those in the APC better? All the vices the PDP have been accused of committing, the APC are also guilty of. Are we to trust a party led by a man who was Governor of a state of 2 terms, already a godfather in that state and has BILLIONS I can only dream about after going to bed hungry?

Are we to trust a party filled with AGIPS (Any Government in Power)? People who would praise you as long as you can ‘feed’ them but would turn out to be your worst enemies the moment you remove their hands from the pot of soup? One of them named Tom Ikimi was a close friend to General Sani Abacha. This man was close to that dictator and performed ‘deeds’ on his behalf. Now, he has become a born again democrat. Do things work that way?

Are we so cheap that a man who was once Chairman of PDP Audu Ogbeh is the same person drafting the manifesto for the APC? Isn’t he seeking for relevance? Are we going to be hoodwinked?

I have had my heart broken once. Would I trust a girl who has a history of breaking hearts to come and mend my heart for me? Of course not! Once beaten, twice shy!!

The door of your house is faulty, would you call a thief to mend it for you? Can you trust a ‘Born again’ Armed Robber to come mend it for you? Is your house safe with him? Would I entrust my daughter in the hands of a teacher who is a known ‘randy man’ to be her tutor?

So fellow Nigerians, we are in a tight corner. Who do we go with, the Thieves (PDP) or the ‘Conglomerate of thieves’ (APC)? It is like asking me to choose between walking on Bar Beach or dancing Etighi inside raging fire! …

The thought of having to choose between the two gives me acute emotional orgasms…

Till next week, I remain yours…

NB – For Barrister Enikanselu Emmanuel, my Senior at work who advised me to try a satire out.

Follow this writer on Twitter: @oddy4real
http://www.thescoopng.com/odekunle-ayokunle-of-the-thief-the-owner-and-the-mender/#comment-2181

I need a Torch 1 sir but I have a Curve 7 with 2 batteries!

splashbaby: No wonder oooo GEJ went there the other day sitting all day hoping to at least get a chieftancy title to no avail...

dont tell me you believe that false news peddled around by the ACN lapdogs

successking: Dele, you do not have solution to Nigeria's problems, and so don't contest in 2013 for you will lose again.

i heard that at the polling Booth where his family voted during the last elections, he had just 1 vote

Boyoorisha: I thought you wanted to show us improvement on Benin-Ore highway, but it is clear that your intention is to discredit Oshiomole

the paranoid AC-HEN lapdogs are here again. how has he discredited Oshiomole?

this thread is already giving some people migraines (i didnt mention Demdem,Eko=Ile, Omo-Tier and so on)

Hypocrisy of the highest apogee.
When I was at the Law School, Bola Tinubu's son Ahmed was a LOKOMOTIV TRAIN, he always smoked like a CHIMNEY on campus even when no other person dared.
But since the errant girl this time around belongs to a PDP father, she has to be left in the sun to dry.
Mind your business today and make someone happy

fkaz: ACN Holds Last Convention, Adopts APC As New Party

LAGOS – APPROXIMATELY 4671 delegates of the Action Congress of Nigeria, ACN, Thursday in Lagos unanimously adopted the All Progressive Congress, APC, as its new politicalparty.
Also, the party ratified the expulsion of some members approval of merger with other political parties and groups, approval of new name All Progressive Congress with acronymAPC and approvals of new Constitution, manifesto, flag, logo and slogan.

There’s urgent need for change – Akande
In his opening address, National Chairman of the ACN, Chief Bisi Akande said “this convention is a special one. The urgent need for change as the country desires to rescue our country compelled us to provide an alternative leadership for Nigeria. We must not entertain any fear or surrender to blackmail. We must be mindful that merger is new in Nigeria.

A storm is brewing – Tinubu
Lending his voice, national leader of the party, Asiwaju Bola Tinubu urged Nigerians to be part of history just as he predicted that a political storm is brewing in the country.

No ulterior motive to merger- Buhari
For ACN and CPC, it was not an alien issue, it was a continuation of what we started in 2011. Time was against us and all I can say is that the rest is history. This time around, we started early to build on the foundation we have laid in 2010. I assure you that all those who are consistent, that are concerned with this system of solidifying democracy should know that the only solution is this merger.

Details later


http://www.vanguardngr.com/2013/04/acn-holds-last-convention-adopts-apc-as-new-party/

all these one na filmtrick. They still cannot syand the firepower of the PDP. the PDP would give them the beating of their miserable lives in 2015. then, the APC would dismantle, re-merge and would keep losing.
i choose to vote the PDP over these thieves turned 'progressives'. when the door of my house is faulty, i would not call a thief to repair it for me.

qenneth: 2.1, 2.2 or third class doesn't matter afterall all of us went to university and saw how all these 2.1 and 2.2 were made. How many Nigerian graduates will be able to come out and say he/she didn't sort throughout his/her stay in the university.Therefore, Nigerian university certificate doesn't matter rather what you have upstairs.

SPEAK for yourself bro. I NEVER SORTED ANYONE

I am a Lawyer, finished with a 2:2 from the University of Ibadan and then made a 2:1 (which is VERY competitive) at the Nigerian Law School.
I have already done a Course in the Chartered Institute of Arbitrators (Nigeria), planning on doing NIM and other professional exams.
In as much as I am a Youth Corper, I have applied to a lot of top firms who prefer 2:1 but as a result of my Professional exams, awards garnered right from Secondary school till University and my extra curricula activities which I par took actively at the University, no firm I have applied to has rejected me. Once I apply, they always get back to me telling me that they appreciate my interest in their firm and would keep my CV with the intent of notifying me whenever there is space,
So my brother, it isn't about the 2:1 only, even with your 2 :2, once you show the firms that you have a lot to offer then apart from the 'certificate', they would take you.
Don't let your 2:2 weigh you down bro, seize the initiative and you are on your way to the top

Akiika: Just STFU!, did you read Lai's statement...did he suggest that GEJ should not use any road? How is the president disrespected? BTW,what honor does he have left? he is corrupt, clueless and a habitual liar. Please go develop your mind and see beyond ethnic sentiment or any personal gain from this aberrant government.

Lamentations of Job!

voodoo gangster: Mala mala, I hail, haba, I knw if ur reading dis u certainly knw who I am, u lost ur re election, so shut up and stop lieing, I tot u wud change ryt 4m the tym we were in the 4th inaugural house u make a lot of noise and knw positivity, like me wait till 2015 rada than lie jst becus u want police escort, abeg since we left the house belive me naira land get beta activity pass house 4 me so come ova u knw hw we do it or beta still stick to ur women affairs nobody shot u

have you taken your drugs this evening?

MAYOWAAK: STATEMENT BY THE SENIOR SPECIAL ASSISTANT TO THE PRESIDENT(PUBLI­C AFFAIRS) DR. DOYIN OKUPE ON THE STATEMENT BY THE ACTION CONGRESS OF NIGERIA’S NATIONAL PUBLICITY SECRETARY, ALHAJI LAI MOHAMMED CALLING ON LAGOS STATE GOVERNOR, BABATUNDE RAJI FASHOLA TO PREVENT PRESIDENT GOODLUCK JONATHAN FROM VISITING LAGOS
Our attention has been drawn to the unfortunate and irresponsible comments of Alhaji Lai Mohammed, National Publicity Secretary of Action Congress of Nigeria (ACN) in respect of President Goodluck Jonathan’s impending visit to Lagos.
Lai Mohammed is obviously misguided and mischievous in his disposition. It is difficult to understand or explain how he expects Governor Babatunde Fashola to control or obstruct the movement of President Jonathan, the President and Commander -in Chief of the Armed Forces of the Federal Republic of Nigeria.
It is obvious that Alhaji Lai Mohammed does not have the least of understanding of the workings of government or official protocol. The insult to the president of the nation who is the symbol of our collective sovereignty as contained in his letter to Governor Fashola is obviously a product of a warped mind that is equally evil and unprogressived.
We have always known that Alhaji Mohammed is not fit to be a national officer of a decent political party as evinced by the outbursts and vituperations that emit from his shallow mind.
We know for a fact that Governor Babatunde Raji Fashola is of higher breed with proper upbringing and will not descend to the level of debased political wretchedness to which Alhaji Mohammed belongs.
We wish to state categorically that the President’s visit to Lagos cannot in any way affect the proceedings of the ACN convention or its proposed merger with other parties. Such thinking can only come from a mind intent on making mischief and raising false alarm as usual just in order to score cheap political points and heat up the polity unnecessarily.
Nigerians must now know Alhaji Mohammed for what he is: a confusionist, scaremonger and a debased politician with a belly full of deceit, mischief and treachery.

Signed:

DR. DOYIN OKUPE
SSAPA
APRIL 17, 2013

OMO, see punchline.

My Ex wanted to publish a magazine and I introduced her to a magazine publisher to help her out financially. Meanwhile I was at the Law School and needed to make a 2:1 (very competitive). In short, she dumped me for the junior brother of the guy I introduced her to...to help her citing my 'business' and not 'having her time' during my Bar finals as her reason.


How am I supposed to get back to someone like that?
One should never put on dirty underwears. Ex-es should be consigned to the anals of history!

so, GEJ is the cause of poverty in the land? things people would do for politics sha...

when we talk of REAL YORUBA music legends, u should mention Obey, Yusuf Oltunji, Ayinla Omowura, IK Dairo, sir Victor Olaiya, Ayinde Bakare, Haruna Ishola. ksa isnt in their class at alllll. sometimes, being succesful doesnt mean you are exceptional

ZACHIE: Sunny will outlive Obey for eternity.
Ask the stars, they will tell.
Of 5 Yoruba greatest sons, Sunny Ade will be there.

Sunny Ade entertains better but when it comes to[b] GOOOOOD MUSIC[/b], Obey is better

Comparing Obey to Sunny is like comparing 2face and Dbanj. One is better but the other is more flashy

i listened to Ebenezer Obey's 'The hOrse, the son and the man' as a 7 year old boy and i could not sleep. i kept thinking and thinking and thinking. Musicians like Obey are rare.
OBEY ALL THE WAY

berem: Fasheun should shut the hell up! where else does he want to get money to resuscitate UPN? Why is he lying? it's so sad that ACN which is the[b] pride of Southwest politics [/b]will now be divided because of the selfishness of OPC. It is time for Yorubas to stand up and don't let Jonathan use Fasheun to destabilize the unity of the Southwest.

RUBBISH

FRONT PAGE PLSSS. DIS IS VERY EDUCATING

A famous man once said “Never criticize a man unless you walk in his shoes”. True! Another saying has it that only the person wearing a shoe would be able to know where it pinches. So when you see a babe doing ‘fine girl’ with a multitude of wigs on her head, you won’t be able to decipher the pain she is going through just by looking at her. You should probably put on the wig too to have an inkling of the pain she is undergoing.

The above illustration doesn’t work in Nigeria actually. People are so filled with magical powers that when they see you putting on Timberland boots, they can decipher the part of your toe that hurts you.

Here in Nigeria, you see a lot of QWERTY activists and POLITWEETERS (err I didn’t say Nasir El-Rufai) who shout revolution while hiding under their beds; you will see people tweeting about starting a revolution in Nigeria even when they are tweeting from Australia or from their mansions at Asokoro. Here is a country where everybody knows the solution to every national problem or let me say where they feel they know how things should be done but have failed in their roles as fathers over a family of 6.

I have always refrained from joining these bandwagon of ‘know-alls’ who hide under the ‘umbrella’ of Twitter to rain insults on the President, his family, Labaran Maku, Doyin Okupe, Reuben Abati et al. I for one believe that there is more than meets the eyes as regards Nigeria’s problems.

Nigeria’s problems?

Ah! They are never ending, always increasing. There is a problem every week in Nigeria. Even where there is no problem, some Nigerians would always look for one or engage prayer warriors to appease God to dash us one.

Some sensational blogs and newspapers never report good news as they know that their papers sell and have more traffic on their blogs when they report bad news specifically as it involves President Jonathan or PDP… Reporting bad news is their specialty (I didn’t mention LEADERSHIP NEWSPAPERS AND SAHARA REPORTERS o).

So the problem that is ‘reigning’ is the issue of AMNESTY for Boko Haram. To be or not to be?

Today, I would cease to be the Lawyer-Corper who is still hustling to be somebody big in life before he dies, sooner or later (hopefully later). I would assume the mantra of the President, Commander-In-Chief of the Armed forces with the whole Security apparatus under me. So for now, Mr Goodluck Jonathan would take my place as the Lawyer-Corper while I assume his position as President. (Wide Grin).

I would put on his fedora hat and his shoes (thank God he has shoes now) and frame my mind like I am the president and also think like I am the President

So how would President Odekunle Ayokunle esq GCFR treat the Boko Haram issue? Bear this in mind that he wakes up one morning and he learns that another beer parlour in Borno has been bombed, then Mr ‘Lie’ Mohammed of the ACN in his normal garrulous self issues a press statement from his comfort zone in Ilorin (the press report would be addressed to have been released from Lagos) where he lambasts President Ayokunle Odekunle for failing to tackle the Boko Haram impasse.

While I am still reading that and instructing Okupe to give him his ‘dose’, Mr Rotimi Fasakin of CPC already issues his own damning statement where he asks me to resign for failing to protect the lives of Nigerians because he expects me to go around with SMGs and AK47s combating Boko Haram. While Okupe is trying to ginger so as to tackle them, Omojuwa, El-Rufai, Ayourb and other Twitter Voltrons have already taken to twitter to call for my head. I am confused.

Now, as President, my head is threatening to burst as there are many other things I have to think about (PHCN, infrastructure, noisy opposition, etc). I go somewhere quietly to think and ask nobody to disturb me. These Nigerians want to drive me mad. I am praying to God for guidance to solve this Boko Haram issue.

Bear in mind that Nigerians are divided over this subject; while those from the North see nothing wrong with granting amnesty to their ‘brothers’, those from the South are already screaming ‘Betrayal’ on my path by trying to grant amnesty to terrorists.

How would I treat the issue and what are my options?

These are my options. I would first outline the options and elaborate on them. I would leave you to choose the most appropriate.

1. Grant them Amnesty
2. Refuse to grant them Amnesty and instead direct them JTF to use excessive force on the affected states
3. Won’t grant them amnesty, won’t ask the JTF to declare war on the affected states. Just leave things as they are
4. Cry, cry and throw in the towel.
5. Call for a Referendum and divide the country

Option one

Alright, let us assume as President I decide to grant them amnesty. Two things are involved

1. Shekau the leader of Boko Haram would reject the amnesty, ask me to go to hell and that his group would continue the bombings
2. Boko Haram accepts amnesty and there is ‘peace’.

It is VERY possible that Boko Haram refuses my offer of amnesty. Why? They are not remorseful, they have not come out to ask for forgiveness and they are still at large. We just have some Elders fronting for them (Elders acting on behalf of Ghosts). So, if I grant them amnesty and they publicly reject it, they have done 2 things

1. Embarrassed my office as President
2. They have said that by using excessive force on the affected states, I am justified.

Now, if I grant Boko Haram amnesty and overlook the killing of hundreds of thousands of people, what would happen? Fine there would be peace but peace that comes at a price is no peace at all. It means if I am done with my NYSC and I am unable to get myself into one of the major Lagos law firms and frustration sets in, I can also take arms against the government, gather like minds like me who are jobless and then we get ammunition, we start from bombing Ibadan, bomb Lagos, kill people and throw Nuclear weapons into the Bar beach. Then, people would shout “Grant them Amnesty o, they are our Brothers”. Elders from Oke-Ibadan where I come from would put pressure on the President and then I would be granted amnesty, paid Billions of Naira and then would go scot free after killing innocent people.

The MAD cycle would go on.

So whichever way we look at it, Amnesty is the answer and yet isn’t the answer. It comes with a myriad of luggage and baggage and it would NOT solve the problem we have at hand.

OPTION 2

I might refuse to grant them amnesty and then ask JTF to ‘kill them all’, that is to declare martial law in the North. Bear in mind that there is no way I would use excessive force on the sect without killing a sizeable number of innocent people. Three things are involved:

1. GENOCIDE
2. There would be peace yet no peace. I would have succeeded in destroying the North.
3. The Muslim North could accuse me of trying to ‘wipe’ them off the Earth because I am a Christian.

This option is out of it. It is an open secret that the Boko Haram members live in the midst of the people. There is no way I would declare total war on them without killing defenceless women and children. And old men who are waiting to die too.

In a way, I would be declaring war on the people I swore to protect when I was taking Oath of office. I would also be contravening the 1948 Convention on the Prevention and Punishment of the Crime of Genocide which Nigeria is a signatory to.

Meaning I would be bundled to the World criminal court in the Hague when I am done as President and be imprisoned just like Charles Taylor.

OPTION 3

I might choose to sit, watch and let everything go on as they are. It means Boko Haram would still continue to throw bombs once a while the JTF would still continue hunting them down, killing innocent people by doing such. That means I wont grant them amnesty and wont use excessive force.

Many things are involved

1. The Qwerty activists would not allow me rest
2. The Borno Elders would keep cursing me for not granting their ‘sons’ Amnesty.
3. This crisis would be grossly politicized as we would see Opposition parties trying to take advantage of the situation (They have started already sef). They wont mind dancing unclad on the graves of the dead, politicize the death of people as long as that means I won’t be voted back in 2015.

OPTION 4

I might choose to cry and cry to daddy at Oke-Ibadan and then resign. By resigning

1. It means I am the epitome of cluelessness
2. I have failed the Country by running when I was most needed
3. I have given QWERTY activists mouth as they would say “WE FORCED HIM OUT WITH OUR E-REVOLUTION”
4. I am a failure.

This is not an option as challenges are meant to be faced headlong.

OPTION 5

I could choose to call for a referendum and divide this country, just as Sudan did recently. By so doing, this forced marriage foisted on us by Lord Lugard and his concubine would come to an end.

Well, back to reality now. I am still that Lawyer-Corper trying hard to become somebody In life. I have tried to put myself in Mr Jonathan’s shoes and I must tell you, no be small thing.

As expantiated, you all can see that NONE of the options available to him is so feasible. I feel people should chill a bit. Not everything should be politicized as some people are doing now. I am sure Mr Jonathan’s medulla oblongata is so overworked at the moment.

I have failed to pick a good option and would leave you guys to do that since most of you know it more than the person voted by millions of Nigerians.

I have tried to put myself in his position mentally and I must tell you… I am already suffering from acute mental fatigue. It is very easy to criticize or lay blames when you are not in a position of authority. I challenge my readers to get across to me, either via Twitter or the Comments box below on the way and manner they would navigate through this impasse, if they found themselves in the position of President.

Uneasy lies the head that wears the crown!

N.B: This piece is for Shola Babalola, Dr Emeka Nduma and Toba Morakinyo Esq. for being the inspiration behind this. Knock them if all I wrote up there is very bad. Give them the due praise if you love the write-up.

Follow this writer on Twitter: @oddy4real

http://www.thescoopng.com/oddy/

honeric01: Nigerian players that won't smell bankrupty:

Keshi
Mikel
Kanu
OKocha
Garbal Lawal
OLiseh
Enyeama
Yobo
Olofinjana.

These guys know what money management is all abou

Yakubu Aiyegbeni.