₦airaland Forum

princesa: why are you scattering this story

ndo o. I be nairaland JJC. So I was just creating a new post. But makes sense now. I will put in one place.

PART I and II can be read here: https://www.nairaland.com/1493303/class-5-unlikely-heroes-unlikely

Background: Class 5 if a tweet fiction story written live on twitter by @ofilispeaks on the #ofilix hashtag

It's not what you look at that matters,
it's what you see
- Henry David Thoreau

Part III (Who Am I?): My name is Chichi...and I hate my fucking boobs! Yes my boobs! #ofilix

Sometimes, I just wish I could cut them off and put them in a DHL package and mail them back to God! #ofilix

I can't walk into a room without them being the center of attention. It's always them...not me. Never me. #ofilix

I can't lie, they have gotten me favors in the past. But they weigh me down more than they pull me up. #ofilix

I long for that feeling. The feeling of being invisible. The feeling of walking into a room without a 1000 people starring. #ofilix

Or accidentally grazing my chest =/ #ofilix

And my curly hair and half-caste skin don't help fend the attention. Both products of the fusion between my Dad and Mum. #ofilix

My Dad a white Oil&Gas expat, who knocked up my Mum a Nigeria..in a Luxury hotel on the Island. At least it was a luxury hotel..sigh #ofilix

If you ask my Mum she would tell a different story. She likes to act like she is above prostituting but that's what she is. #ofilix

And me...the convenient mistake. Under normal circumstances I should not be here. I should be aborted...unknown...unborn. #ofilix

But luckily my Dad was loaded. So my Mum kept me as her bridge to success. She swears she loves me....but I think not. #ofilix

The only thing she loves is the fact that she can financially exploit my Dad with me. At least I am alive... #sarcasm #ofilix

I wish I was dead. My life is a fucking depressing dump. I smile as a decoy to cove rup the emptiness inside. An abused child #ofilix

Abused physically, emotionally and ... #ofilix

The first time it happened I was 12...but my boobs were already 22! #ofilix

Too young to understand, too young to fight. So I just stayed there...like a b##% abused till he came or got tired. I can't remember #ofilix

He being one of my Mum's clients in her imaginary world of No-I-am-not-a-prostitute but yet fucking all around the place. #ofilix

It happened so fast and left me scarred, physically and emotionally. Blood splattered over my bed covers...blood of innocence gone #ofilix

And my Mum. I tried to tell her the 1st time it happened. But my words were terminated with a slap and a.... #ofilix

"why is there blood all over your bed covers I just washed those sheets. Do you think I am your servant." and then another slap #ofilix

I kept quiet after that. I realized at that point...at 12d, that if I was to make it thru life. It will be me, nobody but me. #ofilix

People like to say the world has some good in it. But I think there are parts of the world that are filled with evil people. #ofilix

My classmates think I am blessed. They don't know about the suicide thoughts, the depression, the abuse. But yet I smile. #ofilix

To be honest, I can deal with the sexual abuse. I have become numb to it, one day I will be stronger, I will fight back. #ofilix

But what hurts the most is not having a father figure. He is too busy drilling for Oil in the ground & in the beds of luxury hotels. #ofilix

He must be good, cause he gets paid and look, he drilled inside my Mum and created me. #sarcasm #ofilix

At least I get some respite at my boarding school. Away from the turmoil, from the abuse just for a few days. #ofilix

I can't like its a nice school. At least my fake Dad knows the value of an education or maybe he is making up for his absence. #ofilix

He never fails to pay my school fees. But probably does not remember my birthday. How can he? #ofilix

Rumor has it that the day I was born, he was fucking another woman. #ofilix

At least in school I am a celebrity. I take that back, my boobs & hair are celebrities. I am just the limo that transports them #ofilix

But I act the part...the part of the limo driver watching all my boobs fake friends smile. Like they actually like me. #ofilix

Even teachers get in on the action. Last week, the English teacher told me how great a writer I was. That's funny, I write like crap #ofilix

The English teacher loved it though & hugged me in a funny this-is-inappropriate-way. Did I mention, our English Teacher is female #ofilix

But it was hilarious seeing her face when I wrote about the student who killed an absive teacher with a fork. #wink #ofilix

I may be weak, but I have my way of fighting back. I don't think he will try that again. #ofilix
O did I mention, I got pregnant last year. No big deal thought, I handled it. Maybe if the guy was a rich expat I would have kept it #ofilix

But sadly it was the fucking Physics teacher with his beat up Toyota Camry and fake smile. #ofilix

I swear that guy will Bleep anything with 2 legs, even an Ostrich. #ofilix

I would like to say he abused me..but I knew what I was getting into. I let it happen or did I? #ofilix

Sometimes I think the problem is that I smile too much. I keep everything inside...I need to get angry a lot more. #ofilix

But the last time I got angry, I almost killed someone. I promise I am not violent...just frustrated. #ofilix

It was 2 weeks ago. Another senior boy trying to act or lovey on me. I smile and try to move on, but this one will not agree. #ofilix

He became really aggressive and insulting. Call me a LovePeddler and my father a crook. #ofilix

I don't know what tripped inside, but I got really angry. Like a fresh anger, I just imagined myself crushing his head. #ofilix

But then I realized he was no longer yelling at me. He was just yelling and grabbing his head as blood came down his nose #ofilix

I was too terrified and confused...I just bolted out the room. #ofilix

"What does this mean?" my English Teacher yells. She is talking to the Daydreamer. #ofilix

That dude is always lost. I wonder what the Bleep he thinks about...and in the last few days he has been looking at me funny. #ofilix

Funny, because he is not starring at my boobs, he is actually looking at me. Maybe he knows what happened. Maybe he saw #ofilix

What did I do? What can I do? Who am I? to be continued.... #ofilix

Sometimes what we perceive as our weakness...is actually our greatest strength!

Class 5: Unlikely Heroes, Unlikely Powers, Unlikely Circumstances (part II)
The Not So Happy Weirdo

WARNING: EXPLICIT CONTENT

I hate school! Like really fucking hate school. #ofilix

My name is Happiness, but I rarely smile. I guess my nickname should be Oxymoron, cause that's really how I feel #ofilix

I mean who the Bleep names their child "Happiness?" Of all the names in the world! "Happinesss" what there to be happy about? #ofilix

I have pimples more active than an Oil Well. My hair is as Kinky as a stripper in a strip club. And my LIPS...LARGE. #ofilix

My life is not a fairy tale and definitely not a caterpillar waiting to become a butterfly. Its a caterpillar fighting for survival #ofilix

A caterpillar stuck in a class full of butterflies. Why? I have no boobs, my ass is nothing to write home about. And my hair... #ofilix

Well let's not go there. I wish I was like Chichi with long curly hair and skin the texture of luscious leather. Everyone likes her #ofilix

But I hate her. "Why is she so fucking perfect!" sorry for cursing. I curse a lot, but in my head. I am too weak to get punished. #ofilix

At least there is Physics. o physics...Mr. Boateng, our physics teacher. The only one who knows I exist. The only one who listens... #ofilix

Why only yesterday, I told him how I was able to recharge my TIGER battery by simply rubbing it in my hair. #ofilix

I know he thought I was lying but it was true....well at least he listened. Cause no one else would. No one #fml #ofilix

I wish someone would though. Because of late my body has been changing. Not puberty...cause I still have no fucking boobs. #ofilix

Or maybe it is...who knows. I mean last night, I could swear the light bulb in our hostel, flickered every time I blinked. #ofilix

And let's not forget about the fact that I have never gotten malaria! I mean in Nigeria! That like not having AIDS in... #ofilix

You know what...never mind. The crazy fact is not the malaria but the fact that I have never been bitten by a mosquito in my life #ofilix

Something about me pushes them away...repels them. I am like super insect repellant! #ofilix

But there was that one day...the day I hit my head on the dormitory lockers. I mean like wtf...who leaves lockers oepn in the dark NEPA light? #ofilix

The requires several stitches and a not so flattering bald cut. Not the best days of my life. #ofilix

It was not because of the mockery...I mean Mrs. No Boobs...I am used to that already.#ofilix

It was the fact that I got bitten by insects...all sorts of insects. Not a big deal under normal circumstances, but this was quite different. #ofilix

I had never been bitten by an insect before! So you can understand I did not react too well. But as soon as my hair came back... #ofilix

The bites stopped. I think my hair has something to do with everything. #ofilix

That's not the sort of thing you tell people. They might think I am crazier than I already am. And I think I am crazy enough. #ofilix

"What does irony mean!" the teacher yells. Breaking my thought pattern. I realize that i am still in fucking English class. #ofilix

And that poor bloke, the daydreamer has no idea what the answer is. Poor chap, but brilliant. I wonder what he dreams about. #ofilix

Probably girls with big boobs...fine girls with no pimples. Definitely not me...the funny one. The weird one...the Oxymoron. #ofilix

#Oxymoron A girl named "Happiness" that fucking hates herself and the world. To be continued at http://ofilispeaks.com ... #ofilix

Pastor Olu T: This is my first time commenting on this section though I visit often, n I tell u this is really cool!

o wow...cool...thanks for the comment!

Class 5: Unlikely Heroes, Unlikely Powers, Unlikely Circumstances (part I)

Background: Class 5 if a tweet fiction story written live on twitter...this is just the beginning

Inside of us lies immeasurable power...waiting to be set free!

I hate school! But not for the reasons you think. You see my mind…its different. I can feel the thoughts around me. #ofilix

Not hear them…feel them! #ofilix

I mean I could feel the pain of ChiChi…the hottest chick in class…the stunner. The one Emeka & Ayo fantasize about every minute. #ofilix

I know it, cause I can feel their thoughts too. Their dirty teenage thoughts. #ofilix
But back to ChiChi…curly long hair, tall, pretty and smart all packed into a body of perfection. The most popular girl in class. #ofilix

Correction: The most popular girl in school. #ofilix

Everyone wants to be like her even boys&especially girls. Girls like Happiness. I don’t need to read her thoughts to figure that out #ofilix

But if only she knew. if only she know the pain, the abuse, the suffering and the emptiness that ChiChi feels…that Chichi suffers #ofilix

But my thoughts are cut short. Its our English teacher…equipped with the cleanest British accent. So clean the Queen would blush.#ofilix

With my ability…I should pass all my classes. And I do…simply by listening to the thoughts of the smarter kids! #ofilix

Now I am not a Lazy Cheat. I do study and I love science. And I crave to listen to the conversations in people’s minds. #ofilix

Their different perspectives, help give me a well rounded view point and comprehensive answers in Tests and Exams. #ofilix

But sadly my powers are useless against English or any Language for that matter. #ofilix

You see there is no right or wrong answer most of the times in English and as for Yoruba, well people think in Yoruba. #ofilix

And that does not help me =( #ofilix

So you can understand how I feel at this moment. The start of English period…the fake accents. It gives me a headache! #ofilix

Not just any headache! Not the take-one-panadol-and-be-fine headache. Its the what the Bleep is inside my head headache! #ofilix

Actually my headaches started 2 weeks ago. Roughly around the time I entered Chichi’s mind. I think she felt me inside her head #ofilix

Cause she has been looking at me funny. I mean nobody looks at me under normal circumstances. Headaches…headaches…headaches #ofilix

Its a deep throbbing headache. As if something artificial is in my head, pressing against my skull behind my left eye. It hurts… #ofilix

Just like the dreams for the past 2 weeks…it hurts. In my dreams its the same scene. #ofilix

I am kissing a hot chick…sometimes its Genevieve, other times its Halle berry. I think last night it was Michelle Obama =/ #ofilix

But it never goes beyond the kiss. I want to go further, but every time I think the thoughts…I feel something cold behind my head. #ofilix

I hear the trigger squeeze…I see the chamber turn. I smell the spark impact the bullet and i feel it caress the barrel of the gun #ofilix

I even compute the velocity of the bullet…but nothing ever happens. Or maybe it does. But I always wake up at that part #ofilix

I always wake up, with a throbbing headache! The same headache I now felt in class during my dreaded English peroid. #ofilix

The headache…my head. The dream…the gun…the kiss…what does it all mean? What does it mean? What does it mean? #ofilix

“What does it mean?” my English teacher yells angrily, nearly exposing her hidden Nigerian accent. #ofilix

“What does what mean?” I respond almost startled. “What does Irony mean?” she yells. “I am sorry I don’t know” is my response #ofilix

The whole class laughs at my response. My inability to define Irony. #ofilix

“How can a boy who enters peoples minds fail to see what’s going on in his head?” That is the real irony…to be continued at http://ofilispeaks.com #ofilix

How Intelligence Kills: Our Dangerous Addiction To Intelligence, Religion and White People is a collection of essays and sketches ... written while I was in Nigeria between 2011 and 2013. The book is a product of the cultural clashes that occurred between the Nigerian world I grew up in and the American world I lived in for 10 years. On returning home, my eyes were open to a lot of things that made sense growing up but no longer do now. From our educational system to our religious system, things had changed. Tell me what you think and if you want longer excerpts.

Excerpts

On Gay Marriage "I confess that I don’t see the big hoopla around gay marriage. I mean I could care less what two consenting men do behind closed doors. Except if the men happen to be politicians deciding how to steal "our"…I take that back…Niger Deltan's oil money. I confess that I am less worried about two men screwing each other and more worried about a politician screwing an entire nation…over and over again!" http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1296689049/how-intelligence-kills-the-inappropriate-truth

On Religion “Three years later, I found myself several thousand miles from secondary school at a church in Houston, Texas, but this time nobody was speaking in tongues or binding out demons. Instead they talked to God in gentle whispers, completely the opposite to the yelling and shouting I was used to back at home. Also, church actually started and finished on time; and on Sunday you could actually go an entire day without some random person asking you the guilt-seeking have-you-gone-to-church question. And my scary dreams? Well, they suddenly disappeared. It was as if the Devil and his whole crew of demons were denied visas at the American Embassy. And I can totally relate to that…” http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1296689049/how-intelligence-kills-the-inappropriate-truth

On Education "The fact is that our road networks, like our educational systems are built on a system of memorization; you either know the directions or you don’t. There is no logic to navigating the roads…if you get lost…ask for directions or ask jeeves I mean Jesus. But in the western world, if you ask for directions, you are told to head north or south and then to take exit number X or Y. Even the exits are numbered according to the number of miles between exits. It is a very logical system...their roads were probably planned by people who sucked at memorizing." http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1296689049/how-intelligence-kills-the-inappropriate-truth

NOTE: I confess that this book will be one of the most candid and honest books you would have read in a long time. I advise that if you are not ready to get your head smacked with the book, you should drop it, ‘cause it would change your perceptions about a lot of things. But then again, I confess that this book will make you laugh, so you should not really drop it... http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1296689049/how-intelligence-kills-the-inappropriate-truth

breathing: Goodmorning. It's not every book one can post here, the authors wouldn't like that. Anyway, in this case, maybe we should start off with Chimamanda Adichie's 'The thing around your neck'. It's a collection of short stories, most or all of which are available online. I could post the stories here while we discuss them one after the other, I already found an interesting reading guide for it. With time we'd find other easily accessible books too. What do you think.

@D-deola: Hi, tnx for starting this too, really nice.

Well said. One has to be careful. Spoke with Farafina COO and one of their main issues are illegal copying of their books by pirates and online. Adichie would vex.

So last month we asked the simple question “Would Nigerians Read Books on Mobile Phones?” and the answer was a debatable YES see response here https://www.nairaland.com/1317875/nigerians-read-books-android-phones

Based on this @farafinabooks has made available part of Chimamanda Adichie’s Americanah on Nigerian mobile phones for free! Basically if you have an android device you can download the first couple of chapters of the book at https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.okadabooks

Now if enough people download the free version of the book, @farafinabooks says they will make available the full book. Don’t believe ... see the tweet below (no be photoshop o)

The question is can we get 1000+ downloads of Americanah before next week? If yes, then we potentially can get farafina and other Nigeria publishers to make more books like Ameriancah available for Nigerians on mobile devices.

Want to read another book? Then tell us what you would you like to read below. Stay awesome...keep reading... and ride with us at https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.okadabooks

Okadariders Association President

I got introduced to this section through Michael Oritogun this past weekend. Basically I am with okadabooks a local epublishing firm geared towards discovering/publishing up and coming Nigerian authors. What we basically do is help bloggers/writers convert their blogs/diaries into actual epub books. Not only that but the writers can get to place their complete works on mobile devices all across Nigeria and even charge for their completed works. It's a cool way to evolve as a writer.

We have worked with blog writers such as Tunde Leye of http://tlsplace./ and Umari Ayim of http://stories.umariayim.com/

We have also work with established publishers including farafina and have books such as Chimamanda Adichie's Americanah and Eghosa Imasuen's Fine Boys on the okadabooks app, you can read them here https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.okadabooks

We are currently working on a partnership with farafina where they get to review some of the titles submitted to okadabooks for potential publishing deals. A lot of this is evolving and not finalized but it is a good opportunity to turn your passion/hobby into something bigger if you sha want.

If you are interested in this or have any queesions then shoot me an email at okada@okadabooks.com or drop a comment below. And lest I forget do check out the app at https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.okadabooks so that you can see what we are talking about. Stay awesome!

ofilispeaks of http://ofilispeaks.com
okadariders association president

Check out some converted titles...