₦airaland Forum

On Lagos-Ibadan express road when a Pastor met a team
of policemen who, quite naturally, wanted 'something'
from him. Since he was not prepared to play their
games, they asked for his papers and having combed
through everything without any offence with which to
nail the 'stubborn' pastor, they now asked him to open
the bonnet of his car. A careful scrutiny of the
engine number against what was on paper revealed that
letter U was written in such a way that it could be
mistaken for letter V. That was all the
officer-in-charge needed to shout "stolen vehicle!"
Sensing trouble, even when he knew he committed no
offence, the pastor called the OC to say he was a
priest to which the officer replied :"Please, leave
that pastor thing, in any case, if you are indeed a
pastor, then you must have a Bible in your car, bring
it." The Pastor did as was commanded after which the
officer now ordered: "Please read Matthew 5:25, 26 to
me". The incredulous Pastor opened to the recommended
passage and read: "Settle matters quickly with your
adversary who is taking you to court. Do it while you
are still with him on the way, or he may hand you over
to a judge, and the judge may hand you over to the
officer, and you may be thrown into prison. I tell you
the truth; you will not get out until you have paid
the last penny."

The man of God quietly made an "offering" of "just"
one N100 to his newly found "preacher".
End of service! Go in peace and argue no more. said
the OC.

Pointblank:
DEPRIEYE ALAMIEYESEGHA.


YEAH, ITS GOT TO BE HIM

Him? Don't you mean her? Its all so confusing.

MAYORIN1:
Maybe we shoud start thinking of INVENTING our own

SOAKAWAY INTERNET

@mayorin1, where havge you been, we already have soakaway Internet, sorry though luck.

Its a pity you sent this after val, would have been the perfect val rhymes for my chick. anyhow , I'm fowarding it instantly to her right now.
Thanks men you made my day. Lol

@ segoye:
We still have to settle the issue of the experiment before talking about pics. Pictures can be doctored and besides I ddon't even trust her not to have melted her mobile phone with a hair drier or somesuch appliance just to propergate the hoax. So I am going to trust my own experiment, you provide the hpone, our good engineer provide the microwave, I provide the tgable for the microwave and the engr will judge be cause he is the most qualified.

You can get it for Naija but it will take a special form.

why don't we do it this way; You bring the phone while I bring the microwave .

Have you got the sons prison address, I have a cassava farm and the planting season is nigh.

Funny meen, keep it up.

A woman had been raped and durin the trial, the following transpired :

LAWYER: as this was happening, did you atempt to excape?

WOMAN: Yes, I tried to run but he soon caught up with me.

LAWYER: At that time had he removed his trousers?

WOMAN: Not exactly, they were around his ankles.

LAWYER: And you?

WOMAN: He raised up my skirt.

LAWYER: One more question, who can run faster, a woman with her skirt up or a man with his trousers down?

Technically, can a microwave melt a phone?

segoye2:
Ok, I know this is going to sound like another level of Joke, but is dame real.

A lady @ the last Shop where they sell supermarket / white man food, in the shopping plaza where I go once in a while to browse if my home connection is down did something very Crazy.

I saw her in a very moody manner and I had to ask her watz wrong. She said is her Phone.

What actually happened she explain:- I dey eat so my pure water wey i dey drink come pour on my phone.

I interrupted:- The water plenty?

She replied:- No, na small oooo

So I queried:- so wetin come happen

She settled down to answer me:- I come put ham inside the ehnn, this thing wey we take dey warm food (Microwave) and before I know, the phone come melt.

I can't help myself but give her a full dose of all the laugh I could offer, was great funny. I think what was on her mind would be; the phone is wet, and micro wave can dry it up, dry up in deed, What ever be the case, She got it DRIED UP, What a roasted mobile phone.

Don't ask me where she's from please because she is from somewhere you

Go to the head office or any of their regional offices.

God be praised, i just got a job with Intercontinental bank. If I can do it, so can you.
My training starts tomorrow. Miracles do happen.

God be praised, i just got a job with Intercontinental bank. If I can do it, so can you.
My training starts tomorrow. Miracles do happen.

Its not from any particular year. Just know your basic sentence correction, critical reasoning, proportion, percentages etc. The paper is for one and half hours and you ar allowed to use calculator. Nothing to it, i should know, I am starting the training tomorrow. Good luck.

Thanks men you are the bomb.

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Because the ATM is new in Nigeria, a lot people don't know how to use it properly, here are hints on how to use it depending on gender,

HIS

1. Pull up to ATM

2. Insert card

3. Enter PIN number and account

4. Take cash, card and receipt



HER

1. Pull up to ATM

2. Check makeup in rearview mirror

3. Shut off engine

4. Put keys in purse

5. Get out of car because you're too far from machine

6. Hunt for card in purse

7. Insert card

8. Hunt in purse for wrapper with PIN number written on it

9. Enter PIN number

10. Study instructions for at least 2 minutes.

11. Hit "cancel"

12. Re-enter correct PIN number

13. Check balance

14. Look for envelope

15. Look in purse for pen

16. Make out deposit slip

17. Endorse checks

18. Make deposit

19. Study instructions

20. Make cash withdrawal

21. Get in car

22. Check makeup

23. Look for keys

24. Start car

25. Check makeup

26. Start pulling away

27. STOP

28. Back up to machine

29. Get out of car

30. Take card and receipt

31. Get back in car

32. Put card in wallet

33. Put receipt in checkbook

34. Enter deposits and withdrawals in checkbook

35. Clear area in purse for wallet and checkbook

36. Check makeup

37. Put car in gear, reverse

38. Put car in drive

39. Drive away from machine

40. Travel 3 miles

41. Release parking brake

I don't know but i believe that their website should have the info you need. Did you write the test?

Does anyone have any info on the last intercontinental Bank test last Saturday in Airforce base Ikeja

Things on the love landscape sure have changed over the years,

SAMPLE OF A MODERN LOVE LETTER

Dearest Samantha,

I am very happy to inform you that I have fallen in love with you since Tuesday, the 17th of August 2001.

With reference to the meeting held between us on the 17th of August 2001 at 1500 hours, I would like to present myself as a prospective lover. Our love affair would be on probation for a period of no less than three months and depending on compatibility, would be made permanent.

Of course, upon completion of probation, there will be continuous relationship training and relationship appraisal schemes leading up to promotion from lover to spouse. The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment would initially be shared equally between us. Later, based on your performance, I might take up a larger share of the expenses. However I am broad-minded enough, to be taken care of, on your expense account.

I request you to kindly respond within 30 days of receiving this letter, failing which, this offer would be canceled without further notice and I shall be considering someone else. I would be happy, if you could forward this letter to your sister, if you do not wish to take up this offer.

Thanking you in anticipation.

Yours sincerely, Max



MODERN REPLY TO MODERN LOVE LETTER

Dear Max,

Please refer to your letter dated today. I am pleased to inform you that I hope to accept your proposal for romance.

However, you should be informed that there are certain conditions of acceptance. Promotional prospects are to my satisfaction. However, please enlighten me as to your retirement benefits. Gratuity should be generous.

I also need to be assured that there is sufficient security with regards to this commitment. If there is any chance at all of retrenchment or consequent disinterest on your part, then I should receive monetary compensation according to union standards.

Due to the nature of my position, I am sure you will agree that an expense account should be arranged for my access in light of the 'VIP'. I shall be entertaining. In addition, housing and transport allowances should be in order and nothing less than a Jaguar is in order.

Please also note that there should be no moonlighting restrictions placed on myself. If you are still interested in the relationship, please reply on an urgent basis as other prospective lovers have sent indications of interest.

Please also note that my sister is happily employed.

Yours perhaps, Samantha!

Good news!!!!!!!!!!!! I have just got my appointment letter from "Tell Me About Yourself LTD", the pay is 350k Weekly and you have free accommodation, medical treatment for you and your family which is a real plus for a man with 4 wives an about 20 or so children and an all expense paid vacation once a year. Ain't I lucky? Just apply and send me you particulars and I'll talk to them on your behalf. Send your CV to www.mumuewuode.com It might be a bit difficult logging on to the website because too many people a clamouring to apply so keep on trying and never give up. Remember, dilligence always pays.

kebab:
Ps can anyone give me info about the "Tell Me About Yourself" essay. Whats d website or recruiting company?

I was opprtuned to meet with Raymond Obieri on the 27th of december and asked him about it,he said it was cancelled, but to watch out for anopther test this January.
I be small boy, theman had no reason tolie to him so I think it must be true.

Who knows if sping bank has started calling people who passed the interview conducted recently?

Please, does anyone have any info about the Spring Bank interviews that were just concluded about a month ago. I was interviewed in Enugu but no info yet.

Please does any one know if its possible to crash the FIRST INLAND BANK test holding in Enugu tomorrow. Also , any info on the venue and time will be appreciated.

I took it in Enugu, I have already gone for an interview with them already, but I really want to know whats up.

Please, doe any one know whats up with Spring bank people, I wrote the test and did an interview in Enugu. Have they started calling people?

Whats up with Enugu, has anyone got invited at enugu, I applied and no message yet.

Are they advertising? if yes, where?

Are they advertising? if yes, where?

Please, do you know if crashers are allowed, I'll have to come from out of town and I don't want to waste my transport.

I don't really know but are they calling people for the test yet?

Are the results for the first test out yet? Are they doing interviews yet?

Sorry I don't really know how far with their recruitment.