₦airaland Forum

Let him who never drink ijeb garri with kulikuli or g-nuts cast tfirst stone.
The stuff is so good tht if we start exporting it, its going to take over from crude oil as our main export.
Hmm i wonder why I never thought about it before.
**Quits job to go and start a cassava farm, certain that the futuure lies in casa-flakes**

And gabby, dont let him "dey ur back" cos im go really dey ur back.

Wetin u dey her back dey do. make sure u are not up to any dirty stuff. But in case u r, remember its better to zip up. . . . . . . . . . . . .after.

SAM MILLA:
what is kulikuli?

kulikukuli is peanut bars, taken with casa-flakes from Ijebu, it makes a great cereal

gabrywyl:
@Topic,

Thats not funny ohhh

"Now thats one"

Old joke but still nice, thats why it lasted so long.

was that a joke, seems to have a lot of sound effects
What da, who da, get da. . . . . . .

Just found out that I'm a sinner, I actually tithe. Thanks poster for educating me andnow I am going to turn from my evil ways and stop tithing.

*Turns away from sin and heads straight to church to ask for a refund of all tithes paid over the years wle praying for forgiveness for this grevious sin and praying for forgiveness*[color=#000099][/color]

I'M GLAD I'M A WOMAN

I'm glad I'm a woman, yes I am, yes I am.
I don't live off of Budweiser, Beer Nuts and Spam.
I don't brag to my buddies about my erections.
I won't drive to Hell before I ask for directions.

I don't get wasted at parties, and act like a clown.
And I know how to put that damned toilet seat down!
I won't grab your hooters, I won't pinch your butt.
My belt buckle's not hidden beneath my beer gut.

And I don't go around "readjusting" my crotch,
or yell like Tarzan when my headboard gets a notch.
I don't belch in public, I don't scratch my behind.
I'm a woman you see-I'm just not that kind!

I'm glad I'm a woman, I'm so glad I could sing.
I don't have body hair like shag carpeting.
It doesn't grow from my ears or cover my back.
When I lean over you can't see 3 inches of crack.
And what's on my head doesn't leave with my comb.
I'll never buy a toupee to cover my dome.

Or have a few hairs pulled from over the side.
I'm a woman, you know-I've got far too much pride!
And I honestly think its a privilege for me,
to have these two boobs and sit down when I pee.
I don't live to play golf and shoot basketball.
I don't swagger and spit like a Neanderthal.

I won't tell you my wife just does not understand,
or stick my hand in my pocket to hide that gold band.
Or tell you a story to make you sigh and weep,
then screw you, roll over and fall sound asleep!
Yes, I'm so very glad I'm a woman, you see.
Forget all about that old penis envy.

I don't long for male bonding, I don't cruise for chicks.
Join the Hair Club For Men, or think with my dick.
I'm a woman by chance and I'm thankful, it's true.
I'm so glad I'm a woman and not a man like you!


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'M GLAD I'M A MAN

I'm glad I'm a man, you better believe.
I don't live off of yogurt, diet coke, or cottage cheese.
I don't bitch to my girlfriends about the size of my breasts.
I can get where I want to - north, south, east or west.

I don't get wasted after only 2 beers,
and when I do drink I don't end up in tears.
I won't spend hours deciding what to wear.
I spend 5 minutes max fixing my hair.

And I don't go around checking my reflection
in everything shiny from every direction.
I don't whine in public and make us leave early, and
when you ask why get all bitter and surly.

I'm glad I'm a man, I'm so glad I could sing.
I don't have to sit around waiting for that ring.
I don't gossip about friends or stab them in the back.
I don't carry our differences into the sack.

I'll never go psycho and threaten to kill you
or think every guy out there's trying to steal you.
I'm rational, reasonable, and logical too.
I know what the time is and I know what to do.

And I honestly think its a privilege for me
to have these two balls and stand when I pee.
I live to watch sports and play all sorts of ball.
It's more fun than dealing with women after all.
I won't cry if you say it's not going to work.
I won't remain bitter and call you a jerk.

Feel free to use me for immediate pleasure.
I won't assume it's permanent by any measure.

Yes, I'm so very glad I'm a man, you see.
I'm glad I'm not capable of child delivery.
I don't get all bitchy every 28 days.
I'm glad that my gender gets me a much bigger raise.
I'm a man by chance and I'm thankful it's true.
I'm so glad I'm a man and not a woman like you!

Nwann onwero ife na eme.
ogor nwa afor in da house.

@mykali:1985? Didn't think u were born by then,goes to show what happens when u judge ppl by their actions,

Cayon:
@poster

One fore the archive. funny

\oh u know funny schitt? he's jacks son from madam utter crap.

no schitt

gabrywyl:
Ok guys, to clear my curiosity on Beer, I bought 1 Guiness Stout, 1 Heineken, 1 Tiger, 1 Corona, 1 Budweiser an 1 Tsing Tao. I have tasted all of them and I come to a conclusion that I like Heineken the most and the rest can go and fly kite.

Nowhtats the spirit, after tasting so many brands, Im pretty sure ur somewhere on cloud nine right now, a gal after my own heart.
PS:watch out for the hangover. lol

mykali:
my great grand pa told me this joke the day he was going to die. . . . .

u mean he couldn't live with himself after tellin u? that was why he,

gentle Bleep? more like mutherfuck er.

gabrywyl:
Wow! Really That sounds tempting.

U know, the best way to overcome temptation is to fall into it. that way u eliminate the temptation.

chi-baby:
YH RYT!!!!!!

What expirience do u have with the substance in question?
Have u ever had a gloriously pounding hangover headache?
How many times have u thrown up after a long night of baccanal enjoyment?

Thought so, no expirience, so u have no place in this conversation exept as an observer. in the future, pls be a good gal and just shush.

MY SENTIMENTS EXACTLY

gabrywyl:
I don't drink beer. . . .

How does it taste like anyways?

Like a slice of heaven.
It is the necter of the gods
Mans best friend
BEER!!!!!!!

*shivers with ectstacy at the thought of beer and quickly rushes out to grab one*

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Sometimes when shit happens, you want to be able to articulate the experience more than just you've, taken a shit. Here are some shit definitions to help you explain the situation better to your friends and family,



Ghost Shit

You know you've shit. There's shit on the toilet paper, but no shit in the bowl.



Teflon Coated Shit

Comes out so slick, clean and easy that you don't feel it. No traces of shit on the toilet paper, you have to look in the bowl to be sure you did it!



Gooey Shit

This has the consistency of hot tar. You wipe your ass 12 times and it still doesn't come clean. You end up putting toilet paper in your underwear so you don't stain it. This shit leaves permanent skid marks in the toilet.



Second Thought Shit

You're all done wiping your ass and you're about to stand up when you realize it, you've got some more.



Pop a Vein in Your Forehead Shit

This kind is the kind of shit that killed Elvis. It doesn't come until you're all sweaty, trembling and purple from straining so hard.



Bali Belly Shit

You shit so much you lose 5 kilos.



Right Now Shit

You better be within 10 seconds of a toilet. Usually it has its head out before you get your pants down.



King Kong or Commode Choker Shit

This shit is so big that you know it won't go down the toilet unless you break it into smaller chunks. A coat hanger works well. This kind of shit usually happens at someone else's house.



Wet Cheeks Shit

This shit hits the water sideways and makes a BIG splash that gets your ass wet.



Wish Shit

You sit there all cramped up and fart a few times, but no shit!



Cement Block or Oh God Shit

You wish you'd gotten a spinal block before you shit.



Snake Shit

This shit is fairly soft and about as big around as your thumb and at least three feet long.



Cork Shit (Also Known as Floater Shit)

Even after the third flush, it's still floating in there. My god! How do I get rid of it? This shit usually happens at someone else's house.



Mexican Food Shit (also called Screamers)

You'll know it's alright to eat again when your asshole stops burning.



Beer Drunk Shit

This happens the day after the night before. Normally your shit doesn't smell too bad, but this shit is BAD. Usually there's somebody standing outside to use the bathroom. This kind of shit also usually happens at someone else's house.



The Frightened Turtle

The kind of shit that just pokes its head out then quickly goes back in



The Bungee Shit

The kind of shit that just hangs off your ass before it falls into the water.



The Ring of Fire Shit

The kind of shit where you eat really spicy food and your asshole feels like the inside of a cigarette lighter.



The Crippler

The kind of shit where you have to sit on the toilet so long your legs go numb from the waist down.



The Big Bobber

The kind of shit that no matter how many times you flush it always floats back to the surface.



The Shitty Shitty Bang Bang

The kind of shit that hits you when you're trapped in your car in a traffic jam.



The Incredible Hulk Shit

The king of shit that sits in the toilet overnight and mysteriously expands to twice it's normal size.



The Jack the Ripper Shit

The kind of shit that yanks out the hair of your ass as it pushes its way out.



The Party Pooper

The giant shit you take at a party. And when you flush the toilet, you watch in horror as the water starts to rise.



The Toxic Gas Shit

The kind of shit that makes you pass out and fall of the toilet before you finish, and then you wake up in some strange South American town.



Dirty Bowl Shit

The kind of shit that comes out in a million pieces a second, reminiscent of an avalanche - but with rocket propulsion, and splatters all over the toilet bowl.



The Windy City Shit

When you sit down, and fart for so long and hard that you no longer need to take a shit.



Oh Shit! Shit

You shit so much and wipe your ass so furiously you run out of toilet paper and you say OH SHIT!



The Never Ending Shit

It's the shit that keeps running out of your ass like pea, and just when you start wiping your ass your stomach gargles and splash, more shit runs out. This always happens after eating at Kentucky Fried Chicken.



Ouch That Hurt Shit

The type of shit that leaves you feeling like you just hoped onto a bicycle without a seat. Sensation usually lasts hours.

For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt? We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt!' Well, thanks to my genealogy efforts, you can now respond in an intellectual way.

Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They had one son, Jack.

In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt.

Against her parents' objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout. After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt Sherlock.

Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a son with a rather nervous disposition named Chicken Schitt. Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the
Schitt-Happens nuptials. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Horse.

Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.

Now when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt,' you can correct them.


Sincerely,
Crock O. Schitt

@X:Sorry dude, but I heard that joke from my great grandad, how was I to know that urs would tell u the same joke too.
Anyways, I'm sure that that there must be 1 or 2 ppl here that dint hear it from their great grandads so do be a nice guy and let them enjoy.

BEER!!! Now thats a topic I can relate to, finally this thread don dey dey interesting.

@poster: Heeeeeeeeeeeeeelp!!!!!!!!! Thats what you need.
Now gerrout of these section and don't ever come back or,

Azo:
are you kidding me?
i've seen this time without number,please delete the post plssssssss efore people see it

actually, yes.I am kiddin u. And no! I will not delete it cos the post is not for just u.
Hisses in disgust at all the killjoys of the world and their leader AZO

Man who allows woman on top f**cks up

Hard di*k knows no shame
Wet pu**y no pain

[b]YOUR RESPONSE PLEASE

A man had been suspecting that his wife was cheating. So, he planned a dummy trip and returned suddenly, arriving home unexpectedly. He came in a special taxi after midnight and asked the driver to accompany him into the house to be a witness. For 10,000/- the special hire driver accepted and followed him stealthily into the house. Brandishing a pistol, the husband tiptoed into the bedroom with the driver in a rage.

They entered the bedroom and as the husband switched on the lights, the driver yanked the blanket back and there they were. The wife was in bed with another man.

The husband mad by this put a gun to the naked man's head as the wife shouted, "Don't do it! This man has been very generous to us! I lied when I told you I inherited money. He is the one who paid for the Prado I bought for you. He paid for this house we now own, he gave me the money we owed the bank and he pays for all the tickets we use for theatre. He also pays our children's school fees and even for that suit and the others you wear. He even pays our monthly dues!"

Shaking in disbelief, the husband slowly lowered the gun, looked over at the taxi driver and asked, "What would you do if it were you?"
The driver said, "Cover him up with that blanket before he catches cold!"

[/b]

[/quote][quote author=Nella link=topic=157495.msg2625003#msg2625003 date=1218146833] I like that part --- don't worry I don already dey call your phone

why u just dey flash, u no wan call me abi.
Anyways, I just wanted u to know that I luv u sha and I seriously want to marry u.
Please can I have ur daddys phone number so we can discuss.

Thanks, if u want to cry, just cry, cos luv is wicked.

No, sex my dog.