₦airaland Forum

ibechris:
When they hear abroad...their sense of reasoning would disappear and if u try to advice them,u will become their enemy number one.

These ladies should stop this trend of being baby mama without a proper plan. The guy in question tried,if it is some stupid home based guys,them for even deny the pregnancy and even remove u in their agenda for life.

This is a text book example that pregnancy can't keep such men.

However,I will also advice u to stay your stay before the Florida man starts seeing u as one of the persons she is using to either keep an eye on him or gingering your cousin to demand for more.

Whoever use in hand cause wahala,go use em head carry.

you are very correct- the guy will think i am the one asking her to demand for more- because i live in the US but the truth is that some Nigerians forming big boys whenever they go to naija are actually struggling financially here in America - especially the unmarried ones because after they finish paying bills, they barely have nothing left to save - so i get that ….

So, for a man who has the mind of not denying the pregnancy, who gave her money monthly while she was pregnant and also sends about N55k to N60k a month to this same lady (my cousin ) to care for his daughter may not be the best baby daddy in the world but certainly he is among the decent ones in today’s Nigeria - I believe it can only get better and I won’t “rock the boat” because I think my cousin just wants marriage and an opportunity go to America not necessarily that the money is not enough - Now I am not against that - but her personal wishes and dreams, no matter how noble they are can not obliterate the fact that the man is doing his bit and that needs to be commended. No one in life has it all, we all have to compromise and make amends… and meet each other at the middle….

Come to think of it, how much do entry level primary school teachers in public and private school earn in Nigeria ? certainly not more than what the guy is giving my cousin — so, if that money takes care of adults who work for it, it surely can take care of a kid - I hope they get it well in future, Amen !

shantti:
Better. I swear, the child should be taken to the man's family. If am the man, I will raise that child myself. But ur argument of the man being obligated to cater for the lady is off point. The lady is equally taking care of her flesh and blood, it is their child, ur making it seem as if she is a househelp taking care of the man child. The man have made it easier by catering for the financial responsibility of the child, what else does she want. And 50k is enough abeg stop that emotional blackmail. My neighbor here earns 25k as a vice principal while her husband earns 40k, they already have 3 kids, and she gave birth to another last December. Yet they are managing their finances well. 50k for just one kid is more than enough

wow, so what my cousin’s baby dad is sending to his daughter is almost the salary both husband and wife is earning in Nigeria and they have 3 kids - ? u see

i think it is long throat to ask the guy for more honestly - $100 is almost N60k …. how much do NPower recipients receive ? How much do NYSC me members receive - ? both federal allowee and wheee they serve ? and some they still save from it oo

GboyegaD:
No put your mouth for wetin no concern you. It is their joint responsibility to take care of the child and if all he can afford is $100 so be it.

If he is your friend, it would have been a different ball game. Respect your boundaries and respect him as a man since he's not neglecting his responsibilities.

Above all, I hope he sees the need to be more involved in her life than sending money.

God bless you for your advise and I have made a decision to steer clear from the matter because the guy is trying compared to stories i have heard of how naija men abandoned their kids - I wil just steer off the matter i have my own family to face - at least he is sending money - let mer manage it

yuping:
Oga mind your business ooo, at least you can see the way dey take serious matter jokingly when is all said and don they will say they are just joking did not take it serious.
Mind your business take your cigerate or weed to where you are allowed to smoke. Just in case they ask why you are not telling him anything let them know you don't truth their judgment and you don't know when they are joking remind them of their past and tell them to let you be.

abi oooo - well your advise is taken!

Nana4ever:
“So don’t come here and misinform people”. Because you are not aware of the process and can’t find it under one jurisdiction doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. Evidence of absence and absence of evidence are similar but distinct concepts. But evidence of absence certainly does not equate to absence of evidence. You have quoted one jurisdiction, the Department of State. There are others with parallel authority under which similar processes are run: Homeland Security and the DOJ. It has been done before.

lol- conjectures…. u try Sir, God bless u, bye!

Nana4ever:
“When you can’t establish your points with facts, you resort to name calling”
You’ve called me bitter, a liar, befuddling, judgemental with absolutely nothing to go on. I have responded only with facts and references. The internet never forgets!

you called me ignorant and i don’t deserve that - lastly the CRBP clearly states what required for my little niece to become a citizen and none of your advise here apply

the DNA the father conducted on his own is kit admissible at the US consulate - they will only accept a DNA result that they request and yiu have to do it at a place they require. - and all the evidence of the father’s residence in the US at least 5 years before my niece was born - they are all states there on the website

no where was it stated that if both parents have disagreements- then certain sections of the required will be waived - they only said if the US parent is unavailable because he is the US he can send the documents in

so if the baby dad decides not to report the child because the mother plays dirty with him where will that leave the little child ?


so don’t come here and misinform people

of you have any evidence where US citizens was given to a child born abroad without any of these requirements please post it here - we are not illiterates and stop subscribing to blank emotions - i want the best for my little niece and i don’t want my cousin to make mistakes because she didn’t apply wisdom

thanks and have a good day!

Nana4ever:
"the bolded parts show you lack comprehension and outbursting on emotions —- the child will get citizenship after registering and the child has not registered and the only person who can register the child is the very man u want her to fight abi?" and the CRBA laws requiring the man in the US presenting all the documents will be suspended for my cousin’s sake

So you think a woman seeking her child's rights is fighting the father of her child? Sigh. Once again you make statements you know nothing about. I stated clearly that this can happen (and has happened in the past) with or without the fathers consent or active participation. If you don't know how, ask. Don't just assume I am as ignorant as you are on these matters. The agency does not require the man to present the evidence. It requires the evidence. Big difference! I can refer you once again but this time refrain to do so as you have chosen to take the low road. Have I not debunked all the frivolous directly related points you raised, proving that you know absolutely nothing about this process? I refuse to delve into any of the other sentimental stuff you have raised which is extraneous to the issue. If you can't fathom that the other examples I gave are proof that this has been done successfully before then so be it. When child support is established, is that not the same as establishing paternity? And you think the agency would not have all the information needed to establish citizenship at that point? You do not need the father to do nada. Good luck seeking work around solutions for a situation where legally established processes exist, just like Nigerians always do.

my brother u seem to be so bitter - what’s your win in this matter ? the matter no concern me - i can afford not to pick my cousins calls and the sky will not fall - i can’t argue with u i nairaland over what i will not be paid a dime for - please channel your bitterness elsewhere abeg

you talk about evidence - where is my cousin going to get the evidence that the baby daddy was here in America for at least 5 years and a citizen of the US before the child was born ? where is she going to get his paychecks and utilities information to establish residence ? or have u not visited the CRBA website before ? that is of the guy is even a US citizen sef

the only thing i said here is that even if all your lies here stands are u going to provide security for my cousin - should in case there is problem that leads to revenge - u have carefully avoided that part - since u can’t speak on that i conceded you surely don’t mean well


abeg rest for the matter - the matter no concern u except u are bitter about someone or something else unrelated to this thread

u seem to be attacking me - am just a messenger oooo e no concern me- na beg i dey beg u - online lawyer that doesn’t even know the facts of the matter - and judging already based on emotions, na me dey open thread na me dey beg make u rest

you win - go get a life

thanks

Nana4ever:
You have raised some good counterpoints, but with lots of misconceptions The answers to all your points are already well established in law, even in Nigeria. You are equating cultural practices with law and this is not so. First of all your statement "In the Nigerian constitution, the child of an unmarried couple belongs to the man, because Nigeria and most African countries are patrilineal societies. This is so not true. This is a cultural practice and not the law. This is what the Nigerian law states: At common law, a mother has right to the custody of a child born outside wedlock to the exclusion of the natural father of the child. For a father to be awarded custody at common law, he must sufficiently establish that the mother is unfit. Under customary law, as it is applicable in some part of Nigeria, if a woman has a child by a man to whom she is not married, custody of the child is deemed to be exclusive to the father or the mother, and this is so even if the child has been acknowledged by the Father. Note, both parents have exclusive rights to the child not just the Father. Either will have to win in court to get sole custody. That is the law. In addition, there are no extended family rights applicable by law. This is important for another point you raised. There is a prominent Nigerian case that happened in 2003 that touched on a lot of these issues....Okoli V. Okoli (2003) 8 NWLR (PT. 823) 565 @ 580

Second, - "In this case, child support does not apply because the guy has been supporting the child" .... So not true. Side agreements are not recognized by the courts/support agency. It has to be established by the law. This is a common mistake that fathers make in the US thinking that buying clothes, dropping money and food equates to legally mandated child support.

Third, you mentioned visitation rights. "What if the guy says, since my cousin has made him pay through legal means, and he wants to punish my cousin, requests that my cousin should facilitate the child visiting his family house in Lagos every weekend from Auchi - so his own representatives in Nigeria can see the child for one day every week." As I mentioned above, extended family do not have visitation rights or any rights whatsoever under the law. Only the father has the right to see the child. In addition, it is the burden of the one with rights to facilitate visiting the child and the one with custody only has to make the child available, nothing more. And child support payments are for support of the child not facilitating visitation. All of these are well established by law.

Let me just say this. It appears the man is willing to support the child. The question is how much should he send? This is exactly what the agency/courts will determine. I know of the case of a very prominent Nigerian family with a son in Texas that went through this ordeal a few years ago so don't think its impossible. I also learnt of three other other cases in progress after this, 2 involving Nigerians and one with a Ghanaian man. The Nigerian son in Texas impregnated a girl in Nigeria and was sending sporadic paltry amounts of money for support while posting face book pics living the good life and pictures of a new house he was building for his parents in the village. The girl filed for child support with the help of a legal aid attorney and was granted. The man ignored the support order and did not have any W2 wages to garnish being a business man. When the arrears exceeded I think $2,500, the state agency applied to the DMV and his drivers license was suspended, then to the US State Department and his Passport was withdrawn. He couldn't travel outside of the US. This got his attention and he begged the girl to withdraw. Na lie o, the girl no gree. He had to pay up and is still paying.
Finally, the child (girl or boy) will be granted citizenship based on the establishment of DNA evidence after registering the birth. Fathers consent or not. This is done all the time. Your cousin will benefit from this when the child becomes 21 years and can file for her Mum... express GreenCard then citizenship after 3 years, chikena!

the bolded parts show you lack comprehension and outbursting on emotions —- the child will get citizenship after registering and the child has not registered and the only person who can register the child is the very man u want her to fight abi?

and the CRBA laws requiring the man in the US presenting all the documents will be suspended for my cousin’s sake - because my cousin’s child is made of gold ? they will circumvent the law for her sake abi ?

and the Ghana or Nigerian guy posting pictures on facebook- of affluence, how does this relate to the case here ? did i tell u the guy was posting pictures of affluence ?

How come you ignore the fact that child support is income based and that there are people here in America that pay as low as $75 a month if the earn little ? and in this case do you know what my cousin’s baby dad earns ? you seem to be shooting for trouble unnecessarily

once again, comparing apples to oranges

and you never mentioned how you will provide my cousin security if somehow evil people decides to do her harm


and how come u never mentioned why US embassy never pay Nigerian security guards US dollars since the US can not stand anybody anywhere in the world being short changed


homeless people full here for America even hundreds of thousands of Children born world wide by US parents never get attention na my cousin for Auchi America won carry out for head abi?

Americans were left behind in Afghanistan - abandoned - even US green card holders were left behind captured on TV in Afganistan - althea na my cousin for Auchi America won fight for ?


bros e don do, na people like u go hype people to their death and when it happens na only RIP u go say - u will quietly withdraw into your lane


thanks for the advise - we won’t take it, rest for the matter, Mr Lawyer - thanks

[quote author=Nana4ever post=111949201]You have raised some good counterpoints, but with lots of misconceptions The answers to all your points are already well established in law, even in Nigeria. You are equating cultural practices with law and this is not so. First of all your statement "In the Nigerian constitution, the child of an unmarried couple belongs to the man, because Nigeria and most African countries are patrilineal societies. This is so not true. This is a cultural practice and not the law. This is what the Nigerian law states: At common law, a mother has right to the custody of a child born outside wedlock to the exclusion of the natural father of the child. For a father to be awarded custody at common law, he must sufficiently establish that the mother is unfit. Under customary law, as it is applicable in some part of Nigeria, if a woman has a child by a man to whom she is not married, custody of the child is deemed to be exclusive to the father or the mother, and this is so even if the child has been acknowledged by the Father. Note, both parents have exclusive rights to the child not just the Father. Either will have to win in court to get sole custody. That is the law. In addition, there are no extended family rights applicable by law. This is important for another point you raised. There is a prominent Nigerian case that happened in 2003 that touched on a lot of these issues....Okoli V. Okoli (2003) 8 NWLR (PT. 823) 565 @ 580

Second, - "In this case, child support does not apply because the guy has been supporting the child" .... So not true. Side agreements are not recognized by the courts/support agency. It has to be established by the law. This is a common mistake that fathers make in the US thinking that buying clothes, dropping money and food equates to legally mandated child support.

Third, you mentioned visitation rights. "What if the guy says, since my cousin has made him pay through legal means, and he wants to punish my cousin, requests that my cousin should facilitate the child visiting his family house in Lagos every weekend from Auchi - so his own representatives in Nigeria can see the child for one day every week." As I mentioned above, extended family do not have visitation rights or any rights whatsoever under the law. Only the father has the right to see the child. In addition, it is the burden of the one with rights to facilitate visiting the child and the one with custody only has to make the child available, nothing more. And child support payments are for support of the child not facilitating visitation. All of these are well established by law.

Let me just say this. It appears the man is willing to support the child. The question is how much should he send? This is exactly what the agency/courts will determine. I know of the case of a very prominent Nigerian family with a son in Texas that went through this ordeal a few years ago so don't think its impossible. I also learnt of three other other cases in progress after this, 2 involving Nigerians and one with a Ghanaian man. The Nigerian son in Texas impregnated a girl in Nigeria and was sending sporadic paltry amounts of money for support while posting face book pics living the good life and pictures of a new house he was building for his parents in the village. The girl filed for child support with the help of a legal aid attorney and was granted. The man ignored the support order and did not have any W2 wages to garnish being a business man. When the arrears exceeded I think $2,500, the state agency applied to the DMV and his drivers license was suspended, then to the US State Department and his Passport was withdrawn. He couldn't travel outside of the US. This got his attention and he begged the girl to withdraw. Na lie o, the girl no gree. He had to pay up and is still paying.
Finally, the child (girl or boy) will be granted citizenship based on the establishment of DNA evidence after registering the birth. Fathers consent or not. This is done all the time. Your cousin will benefit from this when the child becomes 21 years and can file for her Mum... express GreenCard then citizenship after 3 years, chikena!

x

Mercychen:
The guy is a bad person. So all he cares about is his child? What of the person taking care of the child. Her needs and upkeep too are important because if she dumps the child and he were to employ a caregiver to look after her, he'll have to pay the caregiver. So, he needs to also cater for your cousins needs as well.

Those shouting that the guy has tried. Try fire!
55k cannot cater for a childs needs because things are annoyingly expensive these days.
You'll collect money thinking its big, before you know it, its gone and you'll be wondering what you bought with it. Its that bad. 500 naira now is like 50 naira. Just hold it to go and buy snacks, its gone! No be better snacks sef. Snacks from aboki kiosk. Not to talk of going to a proper store to buy things.


I blame your cousin too for getting pregnant when she's not sure about the guy yet. I don't know when some girls will have sense and know that sex/pregnancy doesn't keep a man.

Tell the man just once and face front. If the guy doesn't do anything about it, let her go and dump the child with his family. Simple!

Does a child exclusively belong to the man or both parents? Why do Nigerian women think a man must take care of them with the kids and even her relatives before the man takes care of himself? My cousin is not a handicap and I dare her to say she is.....

realtalk19:
She is very lucky the guy didn't abandon her financially and still sends money for the child's . With her salary and what she gets monthly from him,she can still save a little.


I hope if you intervene,the guy wunt get upset and stop sending money. You wouldn't know the situation of the guy in US.

She should be grateful and hopeful. Most single mum's don't have the grace of the man contributing for the child's welfare or upkeep.

No matter how small,if i have such,I will appreciate and manage with my salary and still save little.it can only get better

wow, the bolded parts, spot on. I am not supporting the guy but I think my cousin is not trying to manage, she has big expectations and the guy may be "living from hand to mouth" in the US, who knows?.... I hope all works out for them.... as a man I know its not easy anywhere in the world.

realtalk19:
What if he didn't send at all and abandons her to cater for the child herself?

Person wey get head no get cap

you are right, how many men in Nigerian marriages even dedicate that kind of amount to cater for their child when de never see that money to cater for themselves wey work the money? i kinda agree with you

Mercychen:
That's their headache abeg.

i kinda agree with you ... me sef i don tire

Bounceboune7:
guy to b sincere with u 55k won't b enough cos I expect a 3 year old to b enrolled in school already n she will pay school fee coupled with daily expenses like snacks,t.fare n other daily upkeep which could b more than 1k per day.

As a guy,just try to make d guy understand that he needs to do more even if it's to take care of d child alone cos it's obvious 55k won't b enough as regards d level of inflation in Nigeria presently

Yes, I quite agree with you, that 55k is insufficient. But even if he gives her 100K it will still not be enough based on the inflation. No amount of money is ever enough in Nigeria - So, What I am considering telling him IF I feel comfortable to call him is to send her money to open a business - maybe a little provision store so she too can fend for the child equally. The kid belongs to both of them and whatever the child becomes tomorrow will favor my cousin more than the man because while the man is paying from the US, my cousin is bonding with the child more and the man may look like a stranger to the child later - so I get all that . so I am trying to be fair to both parties.

Nana4ever:

Bros, you sure say you dey US so, as you dey ask this kind simple question? Is very basic na. No be the man go dictate wetin he go pay na. Don’t contact him directly. Help her file at his states child support agency. They will determine how much he should pay and garnish his wages and send her the money directly until the child is 18. This will also establish the child’s citizenship and the child can get a US passport whether the father likes or not. US no dey play with deadbeat parents.

Go to this website and read up:

https://www.acf.hhs.gov/css/faq/frequently-asked-questions-about-international-cases#q11

Q11. How can I get child support from a person in the U.S. if I do not live in a Hague Convention country or a Foreign Reciprocating Country? Collapse
First, check to see if your country of residence has state-level reciprocity with the U.S. state where the person owing support lives. To find this out, contact the child support agency in your country. Or, you can check on OCSE's Intergovernmental Reference Guide. From the State drop-down, select your state and press "GO", then from the "Program Category" drop-down, select “C. Reciprocity” to see which countries that state has child support reciprocity with. If your country has state-level reciprocity with the state, contact the child support agency in your country for assistance.

If your country does not have federal or state-level reciprocity for child support, you may be able to apply directly for services with the child support agency in the U.S. state where the person owing support lives. Contact the state's child support agency to find out if they can provide services. You can find a state’s child support website and general contact information on our interactive map. From the map, click on the state. There will also be a link to the state’s website.

You do not need to be a U.S. citizen, or be living in the United States, to contact a U.S. state child support agency and ask for services.

my brother, thanks for your contribution and I am grateful for your passion and advise on this matter. To answer your question, I live in the US and I have lived here for decades and I am fully aware of all you said here. Honestly I wish we didn't get to this point and that, all is good and happy with my cousin and her child in a sweet matrimonial home. But such is life, it is not always as we hope for it.

However, while your advise all looks good on paper, kindly permit me to play the devil's advocate - to justify the reason why I did not suggest the "child support" route with my cousin.

1. The US state department tells every American citizen to obey the local laws of the country they are travelling to, because America will never impose her will on any sovereign nation. This relates first, to the ownership of the child. In the Nigerian constitution, the child of an unmarried couple belongs to the man, because Nigeria and most African countries are patrilineal societies. In this case, the US based guy did not marry my cousin so he has the right to take that child away from my cousin without sweating it in the courts and give that child to his family in Nigeria. Where will that leave my cousin?

2. The child today is not a US citizen, because she has not been registered or reported as CRBA, so the child does not even have a social security number - so how will that work out? we all know that without a social security identification, no person, (even those living in the US) can be taxed. Child support is a form of family tax and that is an uphill task

3. In this case, child support does not apply because the guy has been supporting the child, according to what my cousin said - even when she was pregnant, he sends her money monthly. So how do you convince a child support adjudicator that that man does not mean well for my cousin and the child?

4. $100 may not be a whole lot in the US, BUT there are (poor) people in the US based on their income and how many women they have to support who pay exactly $100 or even less as child support. For instance, If a guy makes minimum wage or say $1,400 a month and has 2 kids from 2 women, he can not pay more that 15% of his entire wages for both kids - that is $105 EACH for both kids (which is a total of $210) because he has his bills to pay and he has to feed himself. What about IF this guy is a low wage earner and he has another kid here in the US or even in Nigeria?

5. Another thing to consider is the "standard of living index" in every country. Nigeria's official minimum wage is N30,000 and we all know that is not the reality on ground, as most people earn way below that in both private and public sector. Here on Nairaland the other day, someone posted that a recruit in the armed forces earns N12,000 a month! While she is complaining of $100 not being enough, it is almost twice the minimum wage of the Federal Republic of Nigeria. So how can she make a successful case for that in the courts? The other day Chevron workers were demonstrating they do not earn enough, in naira, as compared to their colleagues in America because they are being paid based on the Nigerian standard of living index - that is an American company in Nigeria! Even the US consulate does not pay their Nigerian security guards up to $7.25 (an hour) that will easily be $1,160 which is N661,200 a month - you know why? because they know what "standard of living index" in every country means. So I can not say the US based guy is not trying considering the Nigerian standards because no average guy in the US pays the minimum wage as child support to any baby mama. So I can only hope the guy helps more if he has extra, not trying to "ENFORCE" anything on him since he is supporting already.

6. Lets even consider that such "child support" petition is granted, against the odds I stated above, do you realize that Child support comes with certain obligations? In the US, it is called visitation rights and all that and most times it is done weekly or bi-weekly depending on the agreement. What if the guy says, since my cousin has made him pay through legal means, and he wants to punish my cousin, requests that my cousin should facilitate the child visiting his family house in Lagos every weekend from Auchi - so his own representatives in Nigeria can see the child for one day every week. How much in cash will that cost my cousin? and with the way insecurity is everywhere in Nigeria, will she be able to make that trip without encountering road hazard (robberies, kidnaping, etc) like most Nigerians experience? is it really worth it?

7. Talking about insecurity, lets even assume against all odds stated above, she is awarded child support, with the way Nigeria is today, human life is worth nothing. What if the guy starts complaining to his extended family in Nigeria that my cousin has used the law to take all his money he is earning and its like he is working for her. Hmmmm, even if the man does not intend harm, you think some of his overzealous and evil relatives will spare my cousin? what if they do the unthinkable? have you considered that? Is the child support worth that? or the people awarding her the child support will award her security too? hmmm - my brother, I considered all that before - that was why I did not open a thread about "how to collect child support in Nigeria" BUT a thread on "how or IF to talk the guy about increasing the money a bit"

8. My cousin's child can not get a US passport based on emotions (let us assume the guy is even a US citizen). There are laid down rules to a child born overseas getting US citizenship and the US parent of that child, in this case the man - will have to tender a host of supporting documents when called upon. What if my cousin decides to play dirty with the child support thing and the man refuse to assist in the process of extending citizenship to their daughter? Then the child becomes one of the millions of kids born by western parents who can not lay claim to western citizenship. IF you are familiar with the coastal areas of the Niger Delta, you will see a lot of mixed race kids whose fathers worked in the ships and impregnated their mothers. How many of them have the citizenship of their dad's country today? You know why? because their dads probably did not pursue it. I do not want that for my cousin. The ones I know personally do not have foreign citizenship and they have not received a dime from their father since they were born. Many have not even seen their father since they were born and they are now adults.

9. The child getting a US passport (assuming all odds favor her) is not a privilege that will extend to my cousin. Why, because even illegal aliens on US soil who gave birth to US citizens, still get deported - in some cases, the (US) kids may have to follow them IF they insist they want their kids with them until the child gets to 18 and can fend for themselves then they return to the US because they are US citizens by birth and then when they are buoyant financially can petition to bring their parents with them. My cousin can not benefit in this regard IF he gets confrontational with the guy - because being a parent of a US citizen (in this case a minor) does not guarantee automatic immigration benefits

10. Lastly, the child in question is female. Will it be proper to alienate her father when we know in the African society when that child gets to age of marriage, she will need the father to play an important role in her life?

So my brother - your advise looks so good on paper and I am grateful for it, but one needs to apply wisdom.

Thank you

dobnina:
Op, pls mind your business. The guy has tried his best. The lady should hustle too. She should even be happy the guy is sending something every month, some baby mamas were abandoned.
Advice her to cut her coat according to her size so the money will be enough.
If you call the guy and you get insulted, you deserve it.

the bolded, na my fear be that ooo - make the guy no go insult me... hmmm wow

Aaaaarghmed:
It's not enough,considering the state of the country,I know Auchi very well,things are very expensive there.He should increase the funds to like 70k.E no easy to feed pikin,make e no jonze by sending 55k

well the man should try and do more i think but what about couples who make N70K and N50,000 a month and they have a child... does that child care take N55K from that N120K ? If yes, how do the couples take care of themselves. Here on nairaland, I see people begging for N40K work ....I ask these so I can be confident when talking to the guy

Lastly, I think the guy should marry my cousin - to make things easy.. i will talk to him about that but if he declines, i go just leave them alone - i have my own to solve

Mercychen:
The guy is a bad person. So all he cares about is his child? What of the person taking care of the child. Her needs and upkeep too are important because if she dumps the child and he were to employ a caregiver to look after her, he'll have to pay the caregiver. So, he needs to also cater for your cousins needs as well.

Those shouting that the guy has tried. Try fire!
55k cannot cater for a childs needs because things are annoyingly expensive these days.
You'll collect money thinking its big, before you know it, its gone and you'll be wondering what you bought with it. Its that bad. 500 naira now is like 50 naira. Just hold it to go and buy snacks, its gone! No be better snacks sef. Snacks from aboki kiosk. Not to talk of going to a proper store to buy things.


I blame your cousin too for getting pregnant when she's not sure about the guy yet. I don't know when some girls will have sense and know that sex/pregnancy doesn't keep a man.

Tell the man just once and face front. If the guy doesn't do anything about it, let her go and dump the child with his family. Simple!

advise taken

for the man - i do not know his finances and here in the US most folks are having a hard time due to the inflation and all that after math of covid but that does not excuse or absolve him of his responsibilities - however, the child in question is for both my cousin and the man, dont u think it is a bad idea to pin the child's responsibility and that of my cousin on the man solely? if the child becomes a millionaire tomorrow will my cousin not want her daughter to care for her ? now i am not taking sides with the man but why must the man take care of my cousin who is NOT handicap? just asking

OlawaleBammie:
make she getat joo

Make she no pin her misfortune for your neck. Na wetin hin dey find hin see, am sure she dumped her bf for this americana just cus she wan visit America.

See oga, las las u wil have ursef to blame if u dont mind ur business, and besides, wetin the pikin dey chop or wear wey 50k no reach am??

If na twins she con born nko?? She for dey collect 200k for their upkeep per month.



For this life eehn, make everybody carry hin load, wen u chop wetin u sabi chop belleful den try to drink water put.

abi ooooo

kiddkash:
if you see the way these footballers live life ehn

a lot of them live with reckless abandon

the way they eat and drink all sort of things like they are retired, chai

may God heal him, Amen

but i have warned here times without number - these yeyebrities in nigeria dont invest, they spend like crazy and i told a few of them here to invest and some one told me i am a hater - hmm e don set, guy man don broke

reedone:
He sends 55k she earns 30k that's 85k.

She also got willing pregnant because she wants to leech off the guy.

If 85k is not enough for her, her daughter and grandmother then....

This post should be in the crime section...



Lalasticlala

my uncle takes care of his mom and she is a retired nurse so she is it the one taking care of her grand mom to the best of my knowledge

Iyaebe:
You said DNA was already conducted na, so why should he have problems taking care of his daughter

my cousin said he sends $100 a month and she said that’s all he can give because he can barely pay his bills here in America - i think he takes care of his daughter just that she is saying the money is not enough

Iyaebe:
What if the 55k is what the guy can afford, she should improvise and manage things because she knew well she wasn’t married but was having unprotected sex. Nothing bad if you help her talk to the irresponsible man

talking to the man is not the problem - but that is his daughter - not mine, no be tafia be that ?

Early 2018, I visited Nigeria from the US and decided to visit my Uncle and his family at Auchi. On getting there, I met one guy who came to see my cousin and He introduced himself as Florida based IT expert - I asked my cousin jokingly when we got talking - "hope this guy is not just trying to play you, is he serious on marriage or he is just dating?" - because I can tell he is a play boy from his behavior. My cousin swiped at me - abeg bros, no put bad mouth... abi you no want make me too come America - I was like wow... no vex ooo - we laughed but I know that is what was going through her mind- so I didnt want to be seen as enemy of progress, so I let her be.

Fast forward, late in 2018 - at Christmas she gave birth in Nigeria and I called to congratulate her on the delivery of her baby daughter and asked her to let me know when she arrives the US so I can come visit her, and that was when she opened up to me that the guy is not serious about marriage or taking her to the US - HE just made her pregnant, that' s all - I managed my response well so she wont say I am the wizard causing her bad luck - she claims the guy sent her money monthly some 30-40k for her upkeep but doubts he will marry her - i told her to keep the faith and pray and I encouraged her

But the reason for this thread is what happened over the weekend, my cousin told me over the phone that this dude visited Nigeria last year, brought things for her and their 3 year old daughter but wont even visit my Uncle's house. He just came, did a DNA on their daughter and after seeing her a few times (no love making or outing) - he returned back to the US... and when he got to the US - he told her he wont marry her bla bla bla - but will take care of the child and he started sending her $100 a month - an upgrade from the 40K Naira he sends for their daughter. I sympathized with her and honestly I saw this coming from the things I heard from other family members regarding this guy but I just hoped it wont materialize


From the look of things - she obviously is having communication issues with the guy but she appealed to me - to plead with the guy that N55K ($100) is not enough to care for the child monthly -- and that because we both live in America he will feel ashamed and increase the money - IF I call him to speak to him regarding the matter - hmmmmm

she said that the guy said that is all he can be sending to her ($100 monthly) - Now my cousin works as secretary in a private company in Auchi and thats all i know about her means of livelihood although she lives with her grand mom - (maternal) in the same Auchi - she claims to be making minimum wage so I figured that could be N30K monthly

My question is .. As a man, is it proper to tell a fellow man that the money ($100) he sends to take care of his daughter monthly is not enough?

And BECAUSE of the way she talked to me like I was jealous of her relationship in 2018, wont it be wise I just steer clear ? If I do steer clear and not talk to the guy about it, will she not conclude I dont mean well for her ?

My Uncle is GOOD guy and I want to help but I sincerely dont know what to do - and I really do not want any stress too

Please honest and sincere advise

chatinent:
Buhari is a disaster! He has to be arrested and jailed for life after his immunity expires!

The national assembly in Nigeria is the most corrupt rubbish we have. Why do they keep approving this evil! Of course, it's a game of scratching backs.

I predicted it in late 2016 that I see Buhari going to jail after his tenure based on my gut feeling then - little did i know he will stockpile huge atrocities and iniquities on his way out after 2 terms - Buhari did not only destroy the social fabric of Nigeria by allowing kidnappings, hooliganism, terrorism, mass rapes, mass killings, herders attacks etc to fester but he also destroyed our economy by borrowing so much money for useless things and crazy reasons that future generations won’t be able to remedy easily - that is ECONOMIC SABOTAGE! Yes he and his cronies and enablers in the destruction of the Nigerian state must be arrested, prosecuted and convicted after his tenure ends on May 29, 2023 with their assets (both foreign and local) seized! - especially that Aisha Buhari Dubai properties and investment

you can’t be borrowing in the name of Nigeria, engaging in profligacy and embezzling it to keep for the use and comfort of future generations of Buharis while we the ordinary citizens are meant to suffer and pay for it

Buaratai must also face justice ….

CC: Interpol, ICC Hague

Omihanifa:
He was a good player during his playing days

He paired well with Samuel
Eto’o at Inter Milan - now Eto’o is fat too like him nothing bad about it - it’s life, it comes with age for most people

subsidywise18:
A job that will enable a man or a woman to take care of a family of six, a side chick/guy, a maid, a driver, a gaggle of relatives, build a house, have three cars, take vacations in Dubai once a year, or twice a year, have twenty million in the savings at any time t, and still have something left over at the end of the day

(Being able to build a house for the parents in the village is an added bonus.).

Modified

Also enable you to send the kids to primary school in London and New York.

you are in dreamland - wake up niggur

staga:
Most people do not know why Ikpeba was called the Prince of Monaco. He was simply world-class. A 1997 African Player of the Year. Osimhen cannot lace Ikpeba's shoe laces on any level.

…. and that was the year African players were hot all over Europe and the African scene oooo hmmmm


From 1996 World Footballer of the year George Opong Weah, to Abedi Pele, Tony Yeboah, Mustapha Hadji, Alphonse Tchami, lucas Radebe, Hossam Hassan, Frank Amankwa, Quinton Fortune, Mark Fish, Chiquinho Conde, Souleyman Sow, Moussa Traore, Fernand Coulibaly, Joe Akpoborie, Emmanuel Amunike, Daniel Amokachi and a lot of big timers then - Ikpeba won the African footballer of year 1997 and Osimehn think say na him mate? If He can not respect Ikpeba, that means he respects no one and unguarded pride they say goes before a huge fall.

8stargeneral:
u get luck bro

yes oooo

JosephXavier:
Because of money, person wey her Papa na national symbol of democracy dey compare her Papa to a political hoodlum who has failed his state

I no blame Dem, they Don finish their Papa money and are looking for desperate ways to out food in their table

But upon how rich Abiola was, why is it that none of his children is doing very well unlike Femi Otedola

the persecution abiola and his family suffered under the military after June 12, IF Otedola family experienced half of that persecution, Femi Oyedola will be a bus driver plying lekki and Ajah route today

do you know how many business of MKO Abiola that abacha liquidated ? just to frustrate MKO and make him relinquish the June 12 mandate? his oil leases were taken away? his cash in Nigerian bank confiscated ? guy Abiola was not just denied the mandate, he was crucified and his family economically annihilated!

But IF Abiola had come out alive, I believe he would have bounced back fully within 2 years because of his contacts and connections BUT he never made it out alive and there is a popular adage that “a living dog is better than a dead lion” - so Kola and all Abiola’s kids couldn’t reactivate the business empire like their dad would - so the result is what you see today!

Cutehector:
as in, the thought of the husband banging her steady would make you laugh at yourself for trying so hard to be the hero back then..

yes oooo - its just so funny when we look back sometimes and see how silly we acted when we were younger - THE LESSON HERE IS - everything in life that looks tough, give it time - patience, whatever goes around comes around - if you love something set it free if its yours it will come back to you, if not yours, you will meet better ones along the journey of life, never force anyone to love you and if anyone gives you attitude, let them bounce abeg, life is not that hard, better days ahead, biko - thats my 2 kobo

Gloccz:
https://www.nairaland.com/6379248/how-man-ended-jail-after

I am proud to be the 200th person to like this article. You are so right, NEVER KILL YOURSELF OVER A WOMAN

I remember I almost caused a frat war in school those days when an Aye guy sold fake jewelry to my babe and when she discovered it was fake, she begged me to ask the guy to give her back her money - it became messy and although the guy payed back it almost became a frat war as the mode i collected that money was very unconventional - hmmmmm TODAY - that chic is a wife to another man

Imagine if I got killed because of her then