A visa on your passport does not necessarily guarantee your entry to the issuing country-this is actually stated on most issued visas.

I have had a british ,white friend turned back at the US border(JFK) airport.Trust me the Americans do not treat you as a Nigerian any different from other nationals that require visas-although it may appear so-remember they are a nation with the greatest melting pot of cultures,nationalities,colours and languages

Have your story straight-no contradictions;have the correct details of your trip and DO NOT ACT LIKE YOU HAVE DONE SOMETHING WRONG.

IT'S ALSO ALL IN THE BODY LANGUAGE.

My two pennies worth of advise-Before Before( long, long ago)I went to school in the UK when I was 10 years old ,returned to Nigeria at 21 years old and back again to the UK for further studies and to settle. The truth is that there really is no place like home. I got a go job in the UK I even integrated as all my childhood friends were in the UK ,but you can never dismiss the lack of belonging as well as the glass ceiling of prospects due to colour,nationality etc.

Today I am happy with my choices-I managed my exit from the UK,gave up the "benefit" of obtaining British citizenship (no regrets) I can travel to the UK at will.Yes there is the visa hassle but that is a minor irritant,

Job prospect wise-if you excel ,irrespective of where you reside,are born or work,you will definitely shine.I believe that you should manage your exittry and get at least a years experience.Take from the job and the environment the knowledge that will give you the edge and advantage if you are vying for a position and you are shortlisted-what is referred to as "world experience"gives you the upper hand any day.

Yes Nigeria is stressful but that is really what we enjoy about it-the sense of belonging-the sense of camaraderie(as exhibited by all the comments in this link) and the real fact that the sky really is the limit not some formulated racially discriminatory ceiling.

Good luck

Gurus in the house-I need your help bought a substantial amount of Unity Bank shares at N7.90 on broker's advise-please confirm if this a good buy for short /medium term.

You cannot force a man to write a Will or he will raise the roof claiming you are trying to kill him.A well written and registered Will solves a lot of problems and I can assure you that the courts do recognise its contents.
Women ,empower your selves financially-If your breadwinner dies it can reduce your standard of living drastically.

Now in a situation where the wife dies first-I also suggest you leave instructions-A Will as well.Let one or 2 people(key people oh!!) know about this.This is so important if children are involved-you may not want your children to stay with your husband(as he will definitely remarry-especially if he is under 55)or you prefer that your children go to a particular family member whom you believe will be best situated to look after them.

Both male and female think carefully about whom you put down as next of kin. Know that when you put someone other than your spouse ,you have left the decision concerning the disbursement of that asset in that person's hands.

Finally I would advise everyone that when you buy land,purchase shares or even cars,that you buy it in the name of a company(set one up) or a trust.This way the directors or shareholders can be people you care about(your children or spouse).The advantage of buying assets,shares and even using a company account is that a company does not pay death duties.A company bank account may have more than one signature mandate,so your financial need will not be stalled whilst death matters are being addressed .

You will find that the people we love the most have the greatest ability to hurt us. My dear dear Geegee you must forgive her.You must forgive her for you.

You see, hatred and bitterness will deprive you of moving forward and genuine contentment.

I will not bring the biblical aspect here(although highly relevant) but I will illustrate using real life experiences ,tried and tested,which was relevant yesterday ,is still relevant today and will be relevant tomorrow.
Siblings,families will always have the power which a stranger never has to touch us painfully or joyfully because by the sheer dint of nature we are forced together not by our choice like friends and colleagues.

Forgiveness will soothe your soul and calm your spirit-I have been down this road with my sister too(not an HIV situation ) and for 2 years I refused to acknowledge her or speak to her.I stopped showering her children with gifts and avoided her home. At the end of the day my sister has not changed but she was making me change .Becoming someone I was not ,acting irrationally-basically behaving worse than her and the effort to not do the things I normally do was actually more stressful for me.

I had to forgive her for ME,not because she changed.
Today ,I love my sister,I do not like her (note the difference)I try hard not to let her behaviour taint the relationship I have with her children and between our children.

But you must realise one thing you forgiving her may not change the type of person she is .so do not expect a reformed character-even if she calls her self n Evangelist!!!

Take care of your self,your health and find God.

You need to forgive her for YOU! for yousake -So you can move on with your life.She does not have to be your friend,you do not have to like her -But you must not expend time and unnecessary emotion hating and plotting revenge.

Pregnancy is not a disease-there are ways to get satisfaction from your wife that does not involve sex-Please be creative!!! The way pregnancy affect women differs-some become more sexually inclined and others find the act abhorrent and seem incapable of engaging in the act.

Trust me do not have an affair unless you can face the consequences.
The seemingly smart husband who plays away from home will one day meet the smarter girl who will either ruin his marriage by creating a situation the husband will regret.

Will your wife find out if you have an affair? [b]She might find out and do nothing.She might find out and forgive you.She might find out and feel betrayed (I can assure you that women do not forgive adultery when they are pregnant or sick)therein begins the marriage of misery.She might find out and leave you.Then again she may not find out. [b]These are the only real scenarios if you do embark on this affair .Now your chances are 20% that she will not find out.With these odds against you,do you want to try your luck(because that is what having an affair is all about ,the decision is yours.

Our opinion and advise can only guide you but you know your wife and what she expects from you ! Remember whatever you decide at the end of the day may or may not have repercussions(girl friend getting pregnant,stalking you or worse giving you an STD)It all happens ,but no one will talk about that one .

olofinjeje:

Not based on on fundamentals but purely gut instincts I bought a large amount of [b]Transcorp-[/b]I cannot shake off the idea that within the next 6 months something may happen-please make me feel better or tell me about my stupid actions!

Oh I must always go with my gut instinct any day-this is good!!!!

Martin007
I totally agree with you-society ,upbringing and religion are the silent(not always)pressure points that force most of us women to stay married.
I can tell you that just about every married woman I have spoken to complains about the same thing-the reality is that IT IS A MAN"S WORLD.

Lets say I have a friend in her 40s and the complaints are the same as when she was in her 30s.I know a woman whose husband died (extremely respected and very educated world celebrated man) about 2 years ago-upon his death she discovered that the "cousins" that had been visiting were his children-everyone in the family knew but not the woman.
Now during this marriage of over 55 years-he refused to let her learn Yoruba,he isolated her from her family and he insisted that she remain a housewife and mother-she endured-he died and left all his money to a trust (not to his grown children or the new children).This woman is over 70 years old!!!

Another woman berates her husband for coming home after 4.30am in this dangerous Lagos,reminding him that the children at home are beginning to believe that all fathers go out at 10pm and return late and sleep in late every Saturday and Sunday morning-His response I left other married men at the venue ,so what is your problem!!!!(In short she should not nag and be thankful that he even comes home)Trust me he is considered a good husband and their's a "good marriage"

Granted women do contribute to marriage breakups but its the man that determines the real harmony.

Marriage is so hard oh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Martin007 I hope you are well?

I absolutely love this I am going to cut and send to everyone in my email contact-as a parent with all sons I guess I have given birth to raging homosexuals!!!! And my sons are just pretending to have crushes on girls.

Once again you have made me laugh this quiet sunday afternoon.Thank you.

You all assume that it is only women that receive and get alimony -The reality is that where the woman is the breadwinner or more financially sound than the man-She has to pay and must give in the exactly the same ratio as if it was the other way round. Remember Elizabeth Taylor and her last marriage to some Larry(biker/mechanic) guy-she had to pay big time!!
The "children" factor in divorces obviously shifts the monetary scales more in the woman's favour(if she is their custodian)

I am sorry I must have stumbled on the jokes section by mistake-ha! ha!

Not based on on fundamentals but purely gut instincts I bought a large amount of [b]Transcorp-[/b]I cannot shake off the idea that within the next 6 months something may happen-please make me feel better or tell me about my stupid actions!

We human beings are hard to please-you have guys who attract you sexually and physically but no commitment and this man who worships you yet you feel nothing but fondness.

The truth is that this is a no win situation -you must decide what your priorities are for your life-a man who adores you(whom you may or not grow to physically find attractive) or wild sweet short lived sexual attraction.

My story-I was dating a chap who totally loved me but I did not find him physically attractive but I realised that he was everything I wanted in a boyfriend.4 years later I got bored and moved on to "bad"boy,exciting boyfriend whom I later married. Do I regret it -Yes but at that time this "thing" was really the main deal (or so I thought).
I regret my decision but I think I would make the mistake again as then my vision was short term ,day to day happiness not family and children and companionship.
It's not too bad a marriage but it was the wrong choice.

Konfused if you have these issues let the man go!!keep him as a good friend .Then when you understand the long term realities of marriage if he is still free and available and wants you ,marry him.

Martin007 .how are you?

My dear married friend why specifically a male friend? Can a female friend or your family not provide you with the joy you require?

Listen one man one problem -two men more problems.

you want to be appreciated? look in the mirror and tell your self that you are wonderfully and beautifully made.

To all those on this thread telling you to check yourself whether you nag,dress badly , please grow up!!! when a marriage is troubled you automatically blame the woman-This lady has stated that her husband is errant at best and irresponsible at worse and you advise her to keep pleading with him, I pray you all give birth to daughters and then you will realise that every human being is entitled to some consideration and happiness-of course your daughters will not make such silly decisions because you guys can pick decent husbands for them-yeah right!!!!!!!


Myomy,find God, a find decent women friend and get yourself happy!!

The solution given was almost accurate-
1. If your father died and left a Will you must go and obtain probate(that is done in the High Court) and you can only obtain probate if you are named as an Executor to your father's Estate.
Once you obtain the probate documents this proves that your father is dead and that you or who ever is named as Executor/s can actually access and deal in your late father's property and assets which includes all bank accounts and shareholdings.
You can then follow the steps laid out by WALCOLM.

2.if your father died without a Will -you must obtain Letters of Administration also from the High Court-this will be given if there are no disputes or anyone challenging your authority to deal with your father's Estate.

Please note that death duties may be payable on the valuation of the Estate(all your father's assets) and this duty(amount) must be paid before the courts will grant you the Probate or issue the Letters of Administration.

Without one of these documents no broker or Bank will deal with you.Those shares will just remain as is ,and all dividends will be unclaimed.


My advice is to get a good and competent Lawyer to assist you.



An aside to all investors in shares and properties when you are buying them do so in a company name-so that when ever anything happens in the futurethere will be no death duties payable as companies exist in perpetuity(they never die)

Without a prenupt, could a lawyer in the house please let us know (according to Nigerian law)if this 'progressive' can have access to the sister's money after a divorce or death and use it to enjoy a younger woman while the parents who sent her to School and cared for her to become a success in life (any parent will know how difficult this is, it can take your spirit, soul and body) are left with nothing.

Shinatu
The legal position in Nigeria with regards to your above inquiry is that if that sister dies without a Will then the so called "progressive" will get all her property and money. I am not sure if anyone else on this post has mentioned that prenuptial agreements do not exist in Nigeria and even if such is signed they are not legally binding but may go to assist a person to buttress an intention or instructions to guide protecting ones assets.

During a divorce-the interpretation of the law in Nigeria still presumes the man is head of a household and invariably the breadwinner ,so where the successful sister is divorced from her "progressive "husband ,the courts rarely give him any financial consideration.

On that note -protect your assets and the manner in which your property will be distributed by writing a Will.It has nothing to so with being young or old-the moment you own anything of value or have children, it is important that you leave instructions concerning how the assets are distributed and the welfare of your children ,family etc(BUT THIS SHOULD BE A TOPIC FOR ANOTHER THREAD)

Have you heard of that old proverb"MARRY IN HASTE,REPENT IN LEISURE", I may sound like a real mood killer here but I think you should let your family investigate and do whatever would put their mind at rest-if this chap wants to marry you He will understand that your family regard you as invaluable and are willing to go to any lenght to ensure that your marriage is at least a "good" thing.

I totally jettisoned my father's opinion and got married ,abroad-my way. My choice, my decision ,my way-If I knew then what I know now about my Hubby and family I would have run far away.But Stubborn little me ,living abroad thought I knew it all.At least if I was better informed then some shockers would have been better received.

Notwithstanding that unless your family are rude and nasty to your fiance and his family I think you should give them some latitude to "grill" your fiance well and do a background check.

Oh by the way in Nigeria, the wedding ceremony and all  that it entails is not about you(just pick a really lovely dress,hose rings,bridesmaid/groomsmen-possibly decor of venue) and let your parents have their day.You can enjoy your anniversaries etc.But that wedding is not about you!!!!

I  would advise you to just come home(about 10 days to the event) and enjoy yourself.

Martin007
I am back or at least have been for a while -been very busy.
Yes I have read all your links to date-most interesting.
MATERNITY LEAVE-NO SUCH THING !!!!!! I have enough and I believe that it is time to try to reclaim my life and BODY back.

Thanks .I believe I will have in place a good system.But in all things a determined fraudster will always attempt to break through.

I should be ready to go by 1st quarter 2008-I already have potential tenants who find it prohibitive to pay 1 or 2 years rent as their business can not sustain the huge cash outflow but have no problems paying 60-70k per month or 150-200k per quarter for a fully equipped office.

As stated earlier will keep the forum posted.

This is an excellent idea and what I intend to set up.I am actually in the process of setting up this virtual office.
I am aware of the need for confidentiality of clients as well the fraud aspect.
I intend to have office space available at monthly/quarterly and annual rates-these will be fully furnished offices with all amenities provided(mailing,Secretarial,Wi-Fi ,conference room).
The business services I would provide would emanate from these business tenants and from "verified individual" who require the services of a virtual office without the hassles and unnecessarily high cost of a permanent structure and overheads incurred from maintaining staff.

I will keep you posted.

But do check out CHASE EXECUTIVES on the Island and Abuja.

martin007
I am well .I am on holidays with the family and for the last week been stuck in a place with zero telephone signal and definitely no internet.Just returned to London and will read all outstanding responses and comments later or tomorrow.
Hope you are well -Saw your reply very longgggggggggggg but I shall read and comment.

@MARTIN007
Sorry ,never been hurt as I stated my opinion is rooted in the environment I grew up in(went to school abroad at a very young age and returned to Nigeria after almost 20 years) and grew with a polygamous father(that is he had lots of children outside the home).Now do you get where I am coming from.
I also counsel a lot of disillusioned newly weds(both male and female) once the cataract of "love" falls from the eyes usually within 9 months or baby's arrival or lack of, or money issues arising.My advise is and always will be find a common ground become each other's friends.Are you aware that you have a greater threshold of tolerance for a good friend than you would a spouse.I do not advocate divorce ,just a reappraisal of the relationship.

Because  love is so fleeting and the images most young people get about love is rather idealistic(Danielle Steele novels or Four Weddings and a funeral hype) one sided and extremely selfish once the reality of marriage sets in the love usually cannot withstand such and flees.

Friendship in marriage does not mean the typical oh she/he is my friend But I am sure there are friends you have had that the connection/attraction is so great you tell yourself that you would not want to ruin a good relationship by taking it to the next level-Well I did.

I dated guys I loved and the hurt and wahala you get from the betrayal of cheating etc lead me to date and  ultimately marry a man who "Loved" me more and today I can tell you he appreciates that we are friends,first and foremost.

@BABYOSISI
If my husband was to  read this thread I can tell you that he would agree-Men fall in Lust(usually) and marry in haste their eyes roam too and fro constantly even when they are happily married.A wife need a level head and maturity to handle such situations amongst others-If Love is still in operation, then the wife will be hurt ,upset  and nag which in turn gets the husband back up and so on etc.

Please do not get me wrong there is nothing wrong with marrying for Love -I just chose not to and I am happy for doing so.There is  passion and romance in my marriage but I have no expectations of undying,undiluted love.I do things with my husband which my friends and sisters dare not -the constraints of LOVE or the hurt of rejection or lack of attention.
My marriage is far from perfect but I know that with all its ups and downs friendship sees us through.


On a lighter note-my husband has parents  and grandparents  still alive.He is the eldest child.Tell me in this  our Nigeria(where you do not just marry the man but his family)whether in-laws and siblings would not have driven me crazy if I was in love.

Yes I am a very devout Christian but also a realistic one who faces the complexities of life with practical solutions to problems.If I had married for Love I certainly would be divorced by now.
You need to realise that the children are an important factor for ensuring that marriage works-these children were not privy to the marriage contract and really had no say in the decision process to their birth ,on that note their welfare,stability and happiness is paramount when I ,their adult parent need to make a life changing decision especially about their parent's marriage.

Note- your biblical quote-even the Bible mentions companionship and not love.Any successful marriage is a partnership.



As an aside with modern technology and all the stories from abroad you now hear of women having children using artifical insermination.Also men are fathering children using surrogates.SO you really do not need a man/husband to have children nowadays.

yodiyokun-I have moral issues with the whole access bank financial statement and have done so since my dear friends took over.
But if my object is to make money in the very short term then I have personally jumped off my moral high ground and was advised to purchase as my objective is for good returns in the shortest term.
BUY but SELL fast ,do not wait for more than a =N=5 appreciation

martin007.-Initially marriage begins with L.O.V.E but with the aftermath is if the two of you do not have anything else in common then the harsh reality of life after love sets in.

Did I fall in love? No I did not I fell in LIKE and of course I was attracted to him(I realised after watching the spate of bad relationships and marriages around that this LOVE thing can make you lose all common sense.)

In marriage ,love disappears, anyone who states otherwise is a liar.It is either replaced by respect(on a better scale ) to affection or mere tolerance to borderline hatred.
All these emotions will come and most will pass depending on the experiences you are going through.

For example -a purely hypothetical case(do not send me a barrage of responses please,note the word HYPOTHETICAL) one marries a guy based on a really touching ,fairytale courtship-perhaps he is from a very well to do family or vice versa. And during the dating period(nowadays that period is getting shorter and shorter),cars are available,invitations to the home is in abundance,you are rarely alone except during those "moments" which are infrequent as you live apart,you are the centre of each others' universe.Now that is being in love.

PERFECT? Well imagine, if he does not know whether she can maintain a home,cook or whether she even likes children.She does not know whether he can earn a living and not go running back to Daddy and Mummy for every dime and decision concerning the two of them.You have never really seen her without makeup-He leaves the toilet seat up or cannot live without drugs ,alcohol whatever.This is marriage,all the secrets,the reality will surface.

Love does not mean you overlook every issue,in fact it highlights every bad thing about a marriage because you have such high ideals about this perfect relationship but respect and friendship is accommodating,it lets your expectations about each other be realistic its what comes into play when LOVE has faded.

P.S I am female and I stay married primarily because of the children and secondly my husband does make me laugh(though not intentionally) and he is a good father.Do I love him ?NO. But I like him alot!!!!!!

Marriage is VERY hard. Especially for women.Trust me 14 years and still standing.
Marriage can drive you to drink,drugs and even murder-The pressures are harder in Nigeria.

Are there good aspects apart from regular legal sex? Yes ,when I can think of more than two(one of which are my children and the second an absolute profound quest to get closer to God(marriage definitely encouraged that) I will get back to this thread.

Honestly -Love has nothing to do with it-Love disappears so quickly you wonder whether you were hypnotised during the relationship.So my dear ladies work on FRIENDSHIP-find that common ground that will transcend the fleeting emotion that comes and goes .

As an aside I must say that where I have been scammed or defrauded it has been my fellow Nigerians.
1. A hotel I stayed at in London one November had one solitary Nigerian staff. This a big chain hotel -The  credit card  I used for payment(before chip and pin) The details from the duplicate receipt slip was used to pay phone bills on-line,order goods on-line and finally (daft idiot)used to purchase coach tickets to Manchester.
2. Another time,my debit card form a building society was sent to my mailing address-within one week this card which I never used as a debit card (for store purchases )but only at ATMS was taken by a passing visitor to my home straight from the post on the floor and used at a supermarket in an area I never frequent to make purchases and get cash back until they used up the money in the account.-This what is referred to as OLE OPPORTUNITY

Both culprits were easily identified and apprehended-both Nigerians!!!!!!!!!!!

Here are the lessons to learn :-never scam or steal from a Nigerian who has worked for their money(I follow every penny from A to Z)
:-any scammer or fraudster who wants to steal or defraud for Gods sake get smart don't use the cards and have goods sent to your home address[/b]I don't know whether theywere born stupid!
:-keep away from your  fellow Nigerians[b] ESPECIALLY WOMEN-have they not heard hell hath no fury like a woman (in this case)deprived of her money.

"I know we're going to get a letter from somebody saying that Nigeria has a lot of wonderful people. You don't have to send the letter," Oprah says. "We already know that. We're just talking about this particular scam that's going on. We're not talking about the entire country and everybody in the country."
That is a quote I extracted from Oprah.com, Oprah's website (the Oprah money section where stories on various scams are recounted by the victims).Based on this I did not find anywhere where Oprah made such a wide general and damaging comment.

Whenever disparaging comments are made about you,your reputation or your country  or you need to verify any information why don't you use this same internet to verify the authenticity of such comments.

I am not an Oprah fan but I must give kudos to where it is due.True the best scammers especially email scams originate from Nigeria or people who claim to be Nigerians but we should not forget that the average scam victim has been motivated by GREED and the lust to make money from work they did not do or stories of "stolen monies"
Are all Nigerians corrupt ? Off course not now lets talk Indians(not all)-their scams are phenomenal-they created a new level in scams -I am sure even they pose as Nigerians to cover their tracks.
Then the masters of scam -the Americans -from low level scamming to identity theft ,to big time corporate plundering-Nigerians are small fry within this league but we are crude in our method and non-discriminatory in our approach.