₦airaland Forum

@all

using CAPITAL letters on the web is usually considered as shouting! no need to shout, We can hear you!

@george_d

congrats.


@twinkenny

leave that thing!


@niddle_9

better luck this Year.

@all

I must confess that i have learned more on economic matters on the this thread than i have in my 3 years of senior secondary school. the kind of brilliant contributions from some note worthy contributors and vice versa is what gives me hope that this country will be great one day as we need a mixture of true intelligence and outright stupidity to survive as a country.

now to my contributions. I became a Big fan of Atiku when he spearheaded the fight against Obasanjo on a number of keys issues. He did not have to because all he needed to do was renegotiable is involvement in the Obasanjo presidency. Most Nigerians would have simply asked what is in it for me if you get the third term. My man ATIKU was brave enough to say NO and thus part 1 of the ENIGMA when now np\ow as ATIKU began.

at that time, the only thing our power drunk Obasanjo did not do was ask EFCC to arrest him, because Atiku was too intelligent for the likes of Obasanjo. he did everything humanly possible to cast aspersion on his personality and majority of the name calling atiku get's nowadays are vestiges of those era, for crying out load he even called him a thief. who is the thief? A sitting president clearly telling the organized business community to form a wholy nigerian company to bid for government properties and 48hrs later TRANSCORP was formed with our dear president buying a huge stake with a loan he collected from a bank. Who can refuse a sitting president of a country loan?. the Low for me was him returning to the PDP, but i guess there where is only able to achieve his legitimate ambition because PDP remains the only party with enough spread in Nigeria to win the presidency, Lets not kid ourselves here.

in comparison to ATIKU, GEJ is really pale. he relies on his goodluck to hand him the presidency, hmm we'll see. But it will be wise for everyone to remember that GEJ did not get the presidency until Mr. Obasanjo came out to say on word and thus the doctrine of necessity was born. OBJ made GEJ governor in Bayelsa, He made him Yaradua's VP and now he has made him a president who wants to contest for reelection against clearly stated principle of rotation. GOD save us all.

seyramob:
Big Bros Olofofo Happy New! Please give me your mobile number or Email ID for an important message thanks
seyramobed@yahoo.com

i sent u an email.

@arsenal

6.5 gaskiya.

yemoxtra:
The way this thread is going day by day week by week i can see this thread is being blown up by grenade or dynamite b4 the new year if we don't put a stop to this menacing and provocative posts urgently, because talk talk terrorist group want to hijack the thread we must all be on high alert pipo .

"talk talk terrorist group"
now that's hilarious!

bodejohn:
@ Olofofo, looks like your family members are away on holiday and you are very lonely otherwise your ignore button must be stuck or simply missing.

I just found the ignore button! thanks.

Excuzeme:
Since you observed and commented that "l write like a Teacher",

PLEASE TELL ME, How do teachers write?
Ofcourse, l know l am alright
and that is not an answer to the question, is it?

carry your wahala go. Please try use less words to get your points across, so that the pages will not keep building up.

you are alright!

Excuzeme:
^^^^^you're not stalking me, ARE YOU?

just wondering why u write like a teacher!

Ameboperoo:
@olofofo. Sorry about the incidence. Take heart for God know better.
All. Wishing every member a prosperous new year ahead.
Emexi. Long time. I've sent the guy. I hope he has called you?

?

pofolo = olofofo.

emeystan:
@ olofofo, i'll be grateful if u can send the file to my box (unicaj4u@yahoo.com).
I have waited & searched for d format all over d net but to no avail.
Or u can stil drop it at d backyard. Thanks, viva fta

backyarded!

Aac codec available for darsat decoder via flash programming. Interested user should get in touch via email only.

this is my solution for the 4910 for now. USB fan taking power form the rear usb port.

@swordswifter

soldering and re soldering and it still heats up. i have a 4900 and a 4910 with the same problem. I have had to order some USB FANS to cool them down while they work.

@salamander

the problems seems to start when u start to use it extensively for card sharing which is basically what i did. even strong themselves know about the problem. simply putting a cooling fan in the device form the factory level might just solve the problem.

will think twice before buying the 4900 and 4910 though. a lot of complaints from people using cccam on it, it tends to overheat and freeze.

@pofolo

sorry to hear about your sis. Praying she's in a better place, with lots of free channels.

@Excuzeme

check dish and LNB like i mentioned before.

hmmm

seyramob:
Gurus PLEASE help me out  heard about a channel that show matches every saturdays and sundays,
Please anyone knows the channels.
Am on w4 36, east.
And am using strong decoder 4663x
my email seyramobed@yahoo.com

this is how it works.
join nairaland
go to the satellite section
mention the word "GURU"
ask for anything
and it shall be given.

imagine this fellow's very first post is a station where he can watch matches. hmmmm, in the spirit of xmas,

scan this TP into your decoder 12437h 23437, google for he biss of the channel that comes out. while you are at it scan this TP as well  11843v 27500. enjoy yourself

@Excuzeme
hmmm. na wa oooooo

borderline:
@olofofo
on the lighter mood,hope say you no go ask for my 'wife' if i ask you make you come install my nilesat for me under the 'sun' o?
cheers to everyone

your wife plus her sister!

Adex70:
@olofofo iam realy ashame to see u judging my issue with excuseme, it is true that u help me out on my nilesat and i have not pay u your due, but it is not an intentional done i told u that i have a little problem thanks God it will be over know and your money will be sent to u.we will still see each other for there is many things we shall do to gether pls.it is not easy 4 u to believe but your cash will be ready soon.

hmmmmm. i did not mention any names, why will you come and expose urself llike this?

@Excuzeme

wordsmith, as in a journalist, someone that probably writes for a living,

anyways, No hard feelings. let's us all stay as one. Lucky for you someone has volunteered to help. I sincerely hope it's not more than a case of a factory reset. i suspect you might have to realign your dish or ultimately change your LNB. goodlcuk.

@Excuzeme

I can clearly see that you are a wordsmith from the way you keep quoting and unquoting. no need pointing out anything to you, but  if someone asked you for money for something you expected for free next time, have the decency to call the person on the phone first and ask why? or just simply say No. there's really no need rushing over here with a million words on how people try to charge you for something you wanted done for free ,ts not cool at all. not cool.  

I rest my case too.

@enitan

Please do not make me start with you. it will not end well.

@Excuzeme

what is wrong with someone asking for 10k to hammer a nail in the wall? it's for you to say no and not to come to the thread to try and assassinate the person's character. what rubbish! a lot of people on this thread are always looking for freebies, even when such services are professional services?

it's one thing to give free advice on the phone, but it's another to come down to your place and do you a service. absolutely nothing wrong in charging whatever fee upfront.

here's my story,

George gave a guy my number on this thread and he has a problem with his 2.4 motorized!. so i go there to see what the problem is and i told him his LNB will not work. i told him that i was busy and i will try to find a time to come back to help him fix his problem. now he keeps calling and when i finally had the time to go there, i took a  LNB along with me. the Sun was scorching but we were able to successfully help in nailing nilesat on the 2.4 dish with the LNB that i took there.

now on finishing the JOB, the guy asked what his bill was and i told him 4k for the LNB and 3k for being in the SUN. guess what? he told me he would give me 2k now and then the balance 5k into my account next week. i said not to worry, that he should just pay the whole 7k into my account next week., it's been almost 3 months and he has called me twice to tell that "my money is safe" that he has been unable to pay it because he's had some problems raising it!! the fact that was conveniently left out just as i arrived to work on his dish.

my advice is this,  if your are really trying hard to get a service for free.  Try look elsewhere, cause guys on this thread need money too.


in addition,

if it's a case of simple factory reset. you can as well guide the person on the phone. u really do not need a guru. My Grouse with you is coming here and dropping the story like that, you should have called him yourself to talk about how he can be of help. coming here and telling it like that is really, really wrong!

@all

what has GEJ achieved, besides thinking his "GOODLUCK" will hand him the presidency. he should not be afraid to name names. so, so so and so are making inciting comments and should desist from it or be charged with treason. GBAM. I personally am not a fan of the GEJ. i think ATIKU has lots of balls and is a very confident Policitician. let everyone play their card and see who wins the PDP primary.

Politically Correct
Terms for Females

Author unknown

She does not get PMS,
she becomes hormonally homicidal

She does not have a killer body,
she is terminally attractive.

She is not a bad cook,
she is microwave compatible.

She is not a bad driver,
she is automotively challenged.

She is not a Perfect 10,
she is numerically superior.

She is not easy,
she is horizontally accessible.

She does not hate sports on TV,
she is athletically biased.

She does not have sexy lips,
she is collagen dependent.

She does not get drunk,
she is accidentally over served or
she becomes verbally dyslexic.

You do not ask her to dance,
you request a precoital rhythmic experience.

She is not a gossip,
she is a verbal terminator.

She does not work out too much,
she is an abdominal overachiever.

She does not have a great butt,
she is gluteus to the maximus.

She is not hooked on soap operas,
she is melodramatically fixated.

She is not cold or frigid,
she is thermally incompatible.

She does not wear too much makeup,
she is cosmetically oversaturated.

She does not have great cleavage or a great rack,
her breasts are centrally located.

She does not have big hooters,
her cups runneth over.

She will never gain weight,
she will become a metabolic underachiever.

She is not a screamer or a moaner,
she is vocally appreciative.

She does not shave her legs,
she experiences temporary stubble reduction.

She does not have a hard body,
she is anatomically inflexible.

She does not sun bathe,
she experiences solar enhancement.

Her breasts will never sag,
they will lose their vertical hold.

She does not shop too much,
she is overly susceptible to marketing ploys.

She does not cut you off,
she becomes horizontally inaccessible.

She does not have big hair,
she is overly aerosoled.

She does not snore,
she is nasally repetitive.

She is not too skinny,
she is skeletally prominent.

If Men had Periods,

by Gloria Steinem

Since history was recorded, male human beings have built whole cultures around the idea that penis-envy is "natural" to women - though having such an unprotected organ might be said to make men more vulnerable, and the power to give birth makes womb-envy at least logical. In short, logic has nothing to do with it. What would happen, for instance, if suddenly, magically, men could menstruate and women could not? The answer is clear - menstruation would become an enviable, boast-worthy, masculine event:

Men would brag about how long and how much.

Boys would mark the onset of menses, that longed-for proof of manhood, with religious ritual and stag parties.

The US Congress would fund a National Institute of Dysmenorrhea to help stamp out monthly discomforts.

Sanitary supplies would be federally funded and free. (Of course, some men would still pay for the prestige of commercial brands such as John Wayne Tampons, Muhammed Ali's Rope-a-dope Pads, Joe Namath Jock Shields - "For Those Light Bachelor Days," and Robert "Baretta" Blake Maxi-Pads.)

Military men, right-wing politicians, and religious fundamentalists would cite menstruation ("MENstruation" as proof that only men could serve in the army ("You have to give blood to take blood", occupy political office ("Can women be aggresive without that steadfast cycle governed by the planet Mars?", be priests and ministers ("how could a woman give her blood for our sins", or rabbis ("Without the monthly loss of impurities, women remain unclean".

Male radicals, left-wing politicians, and mystics, however, would insist that women are equal, just different; and that any woman could enter their ranks if only she were willing to self-inflict a major wound every month ("You must give blood for the revolution", recognize the preeminence of menstrual issues, or subordinate her selfness to all men in their Cycle of Enlightenment.

Street guys would brag ("I'm a three-pad man" or answer praise from a buddy (" Man, you are lookin' good" by giving fives and saying, "Yeah, man, I'm on the rag!"

TV shows would treat the subject at length. ("Happy Days": Richie and Potsie try to convince Fonzie that he is still "The Fonz," though he has missed two periods in a row.)

So would newspapers. (JUDGE CITES MONTHLY STRESS IN PARDONING RAPIST.)

And movies. (Newman and Redford in "Blood Brothers"!)

Men would convince women that intercourse was more pleasurable at "that time of the month." Lesbians would be said to fear blood and therefore life itself - though probably only because they needed a good menstruating man.

Of course, male intellectuals would offer the most moral and logical arguements. How could a woman master any discipline that demanded a sense of time, space, mathematics, or measurement, for instance, without that in-built gift for measuring the cycles of the moon and planets - and thus for measuring anything at all? In the rarefied fields of philosophy and religion, could women compensate for missing the rhythm of the universe? Or for their lack of symbolic death-and-resurrection every month?

lovala:
@Olofofo:

Please, more light on how one uses the soft to revive a fried stb. Thankx man!

when u upgrade and the decoder does not come on, and just blinks when u power it on, then u can connect it to your pc, click connect on the SRT loader and at the same time power on the STB. it should see it immediately and load the firmware. some will even show you a progress bar on your TV screen.

@enitan

always looking for trouble abi? na efcc na hi we go call for you. make u dey look!

The Differences Between Men and Women

Relationships:
First of all, a man does not call a relationship a relationship - he refers to it as "that time when me and Suzie was doing it on a semi-regular basis". When a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her heart out to her girlfriends, and she will write a poem titled "All Men Are Idiots". Then she will get on with her life.

A man has a little more trouble letting go. Six months after the break-up, at 3:00 a.m. on a Saturday night, he will call and say, "I just wanted to let you know you ruined my life, and I'll never forgive you, and I hate you, and you're a total floozy. But I want you to know there's always a chance for us". This is known as the "I Hate You/I Love You" drunken phone call, that 99% of all men have made at least once. There are community colleges that offer courses to help men get over this need; alas, these classes rarely prove effective.

Sex:
Women prefer 30 - 45 minutes of pre-intimacy. Men prefer 30 - 45 seconds of pre-intimacy. Men consider driving back to her place as part of the pre-intimacy.

Maturity:
Women mature much faster than men. Most 17-year-old females can function as adults. Most 17-year-old males are still trading baseball cards and giving each other wedgies after gym class. This is why high school romances rarely work.

Hats:
Women look good in hats; men look like dinks.

Comedy:
Let's say a small group of men and women are in a room, watching television, and an episode of "The Three Stooges" comes on. Immediately, the men will get very excited; they will laugh uproariously, and even try to imitate the actions of Curly, man's favorite stooge. The women will roll their eys and groan and wait it out.

Handwriting:
To their credit, men do not decorate their penmanship. They just chicken-scratch. Women use scented, colored stationary and they dot their "i's" with circles and hearts. Women use ridiculously large loops in their "p's" and "g's". It is a royal pain to read a note from a woman. Even when she's dumping you, she'll put a smiley face at the end of the note.

Bathrooms:
A man has at most six items in his bathroom - a toothbrush, toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The average number of items in a typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

Magazines:
Men's magazines often feature pictures of naked ladies. Women's magazine also feature pictures of naked ladies. This is because the female body is a beautiful work of art, while the male body is hairy and lumpy and should not be seen by the light of day.

Groceries:
A woman makes a list of things she needs and then goes to the store and buys these things. A man waits till the only items left in his fridge are half a lemon and something turning green. Then he goes grocery shopping. He buys everything that looks good. By the time a man reaches the checkout counter, his cart is packed tighter that the Clampett's car on Beverly Hillbillies. Of course, this will not stop him from going to the 10-items-or-less lane.

Going out:
When a man says he is ready to go out, it means he is ready to go out. When a woman says she is ready to go out, it means she will be ready to go out, as soon as she finds her other earring, finishes putting on her makeup,

Shoes:
When preparing for work, a woman will put on a Mondi wool suit, and then slip into Reebok sneakers. She wil carry her dress shoes in a plastic bag from Saks. When a woman gets to work, she will put on her dress shoes. Five minutes later, she will kick them off because her feet are under her desk. A man will wear one pair of shoes for the entire day.

Leg warmers:
Leg warmers are sexy. A woman, even if she's walking the dog or doing the dishes, is allowed to wear leg warmers. She can wear them any time she wants.

A man can only wear leg warmers if he is auditioning for the "Gimme the Ball" number in "A Chorus Line".

Cats:
Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

Mirrors:
Men are vain; they will check themselves out in the mirror. Women are ridiculous; they will check out their reflections in any shiny surface--mirrors, spoons, store windows, toasters, Joe Garagiola's head.

Garages:
Women use garages to park their cars and to store their lawnmowers. Men use garages for many things. They hang license plates in garages, and they watch TV in garages, and they build useless lopsided benches in garages.

Movies:
For women, their favorite movie scene is when Clark Gable kisses Vivien Leigh for the first time in "Gone With The Wind". For men, it's when Jimmy Cagney shoves a grapefruit in Mae Clark's face in "Public Enemy".

Jewelry:
Women look nice when they wear jewelry. A man can get away with wearing one ring, and that's it. Any more than that, and he will look like a lounge singer named Vic.

Menopause:
When a woman reaches menopause, she goes through a variety of complicated emotional, psychological, and biological changes. The nature and degree of the changes varies with the individual. Menopause in a man provokes a uniform reaction--he buys aviator glasses, a snazzy French cap and leather driving gloves, and goes shopping for a Porsche.

The Telephone:
Men see the telephone as a communications tool. They use the telephone to send short messages to other people. A woman can visit her girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home, she will call the same friend and they will talk for three hours.

Low Blows:
Let's say a man and a woman are watching a boxing match on television. One of the fighters is felled by a low blow. The woman says "Oh, gee, that must hurt." The man doubles over and actually feels pain.

Directions:
If a woman is out driving and she finds herself in unfamiliar surroundings, she will stop at a gas station and ask for directions. Men consider this to be a sign of weakness. Men will never stop and ask for directions. Men will drive in a circle for hours, all the while saying things like, "Looks like I've found a new way to get there", and, "I know I'm in the neighborhood. I recognize that White Hen store".

Admitting Mistakes:
Women will sometimes admit making a mistake. The last man who admitted that he was wrong was Gen. George Custer.

Richard Gere:
Women like Richard Gere because he is sexy in a dangerous way. Men hate Richard Gere because he reminds them of that slick guy who works at the health club and dates only married women.

Offspring:
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and soccer games and romances and best friends and favorite foods and secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

Dressing up:
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage answer the phone, read a book, get the mail. A man will dress up for: weddings, funerals.

Nudity in Movies:
Every actress in the history of movies has had to do a nude scene. This is because every movie in the history of movies has been produced by a man. The only actor who has ever appeared nude in the movies is Richard Gere. This is another reason why men hate him.

David Letterman:
Men think David Letterman is the funniest man on the face of the Earth. Women think he is a mean, semi-dorky guy who always has a bad haircut.

Cameras:
Men take photography very seriously. They'll shell out $4,000 for state-of-the-art equipment, and build darkrooms, and take photography classes. Women purchase Kodak Instamatics. Of course, women always end up taking better pictures.

Politics:
Men love to talk politics, but often they forget to do political things such as voting. Women are very happy that another generation of Kennedys is growing up and getting into politics, because they will be able to campaign for them and cry on election night.

Locker Rooms:
In the locker room, men talk about three things: money, football, and women. They exaggerate about money, they don't know football nearly as well as they think they do, and they fabricate stories about women. Women talk about one thing in the locker room--sex. And not in abstract terms, either. They are extremely graphic and technical, and they never lie.

Laundry:
Women do laundry every couple of days. A man will wear every article of clothing he owns, including his surgical pants that were hip about eight years ago, before he will do the laundry. When he is finally out of clothes, he will wear a dirty sweatshirt inside out, rent a U-Haul and take his mountain of clothes to the laundromat. Men always expect to meet beautiful women at the laundromat. This is a myth.

Weddings:
When reminiscing about weddings, women talk about "the ceremony". Men talk about "the bachelor party".

Cheerleaders:
Female cheerleaders are cute, sexy, fresh, and all-American. Male cheerleaders are scary.

Socks:
Men wear sensible socks. They wear standard white sweatsocks. Women wear strange socks. They are cut way below the ankles, have pictues of clouds on them, and have a big fuzzy ball on the back.

Toys:
Little girls love to play with toys. Then, when they reach the age of 11 or 12, they lose interest. Men never grow out of their obsession wih toys. As they older, their toys simply become more expensive and impractical. Examples of men's toys: little miniature TV's, car phones, complicated juicers and blenders, graphic equalizers, small robots that serve cocktails on command, video games, anything that blinks, beeps, and requires at least six "" batteries to operate.

Plants:
A woman asks a man to water her plants while she is on vacation. The man waters the plants. The woman comes home five days later, to an apartment full of dead plants. No one knows why this happens.

Mustaches:
Some men look good with mustaches. Those men are Tom Selleck and Burt Reynolds. There are no women who look good with mustaches.

Nicknames:
With the exception of female body-builders, who call each other names like "Ultimate Pecs" and "Big Turk", women eschew the use of nicknames. If Gloria, Suzanne, Deborah and Michelle get together for lunch, they will call each other Gloria, Suzanne, Deborah and Michelle. But if Mike, Dave, Rob and Jack go out for a brewsky, they will affectionately refer to each other as Bullet-Head, Godzilla, Peanut Brain and Useless.

****no credit whatsoever is mine****